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00:00The following program contains mature subject matter and coarse language. Viewer discretion is advised.
00:07You sure you don't want a coffee?
00:09Oh, I do, but I'm switching to herbal tea. I'm trying this new thing.
00:13No caffeine, no sugar, no dairy, no wine, no cheese, no joy.
00:17But all it's really doing is just making me kind of...
00:19Constipated?
00:20Yeah.
00:21Julie, toilet clogged this morning.
00:24God, I wish I could clog a toilet.
00:25I'm so sorry. I just cannot be about you right now.
00:27My daughter flushed a rolled-up pad, okay? I plunged it. Stuff came out, but it was all bloody.
00:32Um, Chris...
00:33You're not listening to me. Saffron is hiding her period from me.
00:37I have failed as a mother.
00:40I got mine at school.
00:41They're right behind me.
00:42Yeah. Sister Rita told me that God was punishing me.
00:45I flipped all up and down my Bible. I still couldn't find it.
00:48When I got my period, I was at my grandmother's house.
00:51She told me not to stand near the fridge because I would curdle the milk.
00:53My mother never talked to me about it,
00:55so my only reference was Carrie the Movie,
00:57which is a weird thing to watch when you're eight.
00:59Got mine at field hockey.
01:00Cost us a championship game and a date with Mandy McDonald.
01:02I just... I don't want it to be that way for Saffron.
01:04I just... I have to celebrate it.
01:06You know, I don't want to wrap it up in some sort of shame burrito.
01:09Hey, what's up?
01:10You having a little gossiping sesh?
01:12What am I missing? What's up?
01:13Nothing.
01:14I can't poop.
01:16Like burritos.
01:18Well, it doesn't sound like you're talking about work.
01:20Well, it's nothing that I would call HR about, so...
01:22Yeah, that seminar was brutal.
01:23Yeah, we're just researching, Evan.
01:26It's private. It's private research.
01:32Bye.
01:35Oh, I have... Yeah, I have to...
01:38Oh my God, this milk curdled.
01:43Did my hot flash do this?
01:44Mm-hmm.
01:45Maybe.
01:45Okay, let's take it from the top.
01:55Dear Saffron,
01:57you had your period,
01:58and I wish you were able to tell me about it.
02:00Dear Saffron sounds a little formal.
02:01Okay, you are not you right now.
02:02Okay, you're Saffron. Go again.
02:04Yeah, I got it. Hi, Mom.
02:05Hi, Saffron.
02:06You started your period,
02:07and you didn't tell me about it.
02:08And I thought we were close,
02:09like the Gilmore Girls are marrying Jesus,
02:11but in reverse, like I would die for you.
02:13I'm giving you gold over here.
02:15Absolute gold, and you aren't reacting.
02:16I'm sorry. I'm just so miserable.
02:18I'm trying to use diet to control my hot flashes,
02:20but it's not doing anything,
02:22and my anxiety is through the roof,
02:24possibly because the only thing I can eat is flax seeds.
02:26I am not a budgie.
02:28Yeah, a budgie's a useless bird.
02:29And also,
02:30something's going on with Pete.
02:32What?
02:32Well, normally in the morning,
02:34he gives me a kiss before he goes to work,
02:36and then I get a text later
02:37to say that he loves me this morning.
02:38No kiss, no text.
02:39I am emotionally and physically constipated.
02:42Okay, we got to get you moving.
02:43We can do Miralax, Metamucil, a glycerin stick.
02:46Sure am I.
02:47Yeah, the glycerin stick goes,
02:48you put that right up there,
02:50everything's coming out, no problem.
02:51Whoa.
02:51Yeah, it's going to get you moving.
02:53Are we doing this or not?
02:55Yes.
02:55Okay, because the sooner we solve your problems,
02:57the sooner that we're going to solve mine.
02:58Let's go.
02:58Okay, all right.
03:02You know what?
03:04I am just going to take it all,
03:06and I am going to go out in a blaze of glory,
03:08one way or another.
03:09Okay, the glycerin sticks,
03:10they are the winner,
03:10although you know what?
03:11They have not stopped my bloating,
03:12period or no period.
03:13I cannot get rid of this little guy.
03:15You just can't win with periods.
03:16You know, you're a kid,
03:17and you want your period,
03:18and you get it,
03:19and you think it's going to be great,
03:20and then it actually sucks,
03:21and then menopause hits,
03:23and your period goes away,
03:24which would be the greatest of all time,
03:26except that your value in society
03:28also seems to go away,
03:29which is deeply unfair.
03:31You know,
03:32I have been riding this white pony
03:34for 36 years,
03:35and I am so fucking tired
03:37of thinking about my period.
03:38You've got to put that on a mug.
03:40It'll be a large mug.
03:41Julie, look at this.
03:42Congrats, graduate.
03:43On what?
03:44Oh, let me tell you.
03:45Your period.
03:46I put that right there for saffron.
03:47Do kids like cards?
03:48Mine well.
03:49Oh, no.
03:50This is the one.
03:50This is the one.
03:51Look at this.
03:51Happy first what?
03:53Period.
03:54You know your kid best.
03:55You know what pairs well
03:56with a period card?
03:57A bear.
03:57A stuffed bear.
03:58Oh, no, a little one.
03:58We're going to get a large one.
03:59Yes!
04:00How about this one?
04:00Also, chocolates.
04:02Large box.
04:03It's back there.
04:08Hey, Chelsea and I
04:09want to do a double episode
04:10this week.
04:10You cool with that?
04:11No.
04:12We don't have the budget.
04:13Oh, Robin,
04:15I need your help
04:16with something,
04:17and it's really personal.
04:18Evan, I'm not willing
04:19to look at any red marks
04:20or flaking on your body again.
04:21Please.
04:22My skin is flawless.
04:23This is, um,
04:25about something else.
04:25You have a lot of friends
04:27in the office,
04:27and I wondered,
04:29you know what?
04:30How about we go downstairs
04:31and we get a coffee
04:31and talk about it?
04:32No, I'm good.
04:33Why doesn't anyone
04:34want to hang out with me?
04:36You're the boss.
04:37Yeah, but, you know,
04:38you see me as a friend.
04:40We all used to chat.
04:41Now I see you as a boss.
04:44Well, how do I
04:46get people to see me
04:48as a friend?
04:49Maybe you could
04:50start by being nicer
04:52to people?
04:53Okay.
04:54Let's put a pin in that.
04:55Oh, uh, at my old job,
04:57we used to go to this dive bar
04:59down the street after work.
05:00You know, we'd have beers
05:01and buffalo wings
05:02and blooming onions.
05:03We'd do karaoke
05:03every once in a while.
05:04We could do something
05:05like that here,
05:06except a lot more sophisticated
05:07than what you just said.
05:08Ouch.
05:09A wine and cheese,
05:10artisanal cheddars from Quebec,
05:12a Malbec from the Mendoza region.
05:14Well, seems like you got
05:14everything taken care of.
05:15Can I go now?
05:16No.
05:16No, you can't go.
05:17Hey, because we're going
05:18to do this together, right?
05:21Okay, I don't want
05:21the double episode.
05:22Oh, okay, negotiation.
05:24I like it.
05:25All right, I'll handle
05:26food and bev,
05:26and then you can handle
05:28everything else.
05:29Deal.
05:31And the theme,
05:32the theme
05:34is going to be
05:36Farmhouse Chic.
05:39Shut up!
05:41What?
05:41What?
05:46Hey, do you have a pen?
05:48I know what I want to say
05:48on Stafford's card.
05:49Mm-hmm.
05:49Yep, right in here.
05:51Look at you.
05:52Respect.
05:53Oh, my God.
05:54Are these all your condoms, really?
05:56Oh.
05:57Wow.
05:59Oh, my God.
06:00Oh, my God.
06:01They must be Pete's.
06:05It explains everything.
06:06He's been distant.
06:07He doesn't want to have sex.
06:08I didn't get my kiss this morning.
06:09He's having an affair.
06:11Oh, stop it.
06:12Don't jump to conclusions.
06:13I got zero text from him today.
06:15He's 100% cheating on you.
06:18Oh.
06:19What are you going to do?
06:19What are we going to do?
06:20It's fine.
06:21Take a breath.
06:21Hold my hand.
06:22We are going to,
06:23I don't know,
06:23we're going to track him down.
06:25I track Pete how?
06:26Well, I have a teenage daughter
06:27and ex-husband who cheated.
06:29I am a pro.
06:30Give me your phone.
06:30Oh.
06:32Oh, my God.
06:33Oh, look, look.
06:34There he is,
06:35West End, at the gym.
06:37He shouldn't be at the gym right now.
06:39Wow, you are good.
06:40Okay, look.
06:46Try and blend in, okay?
06:47I'm wearing a blazer.
06:48Do your best.
06:51There he is.
06:52Hi.
06:53Okay.
06:57Oh, hello.
06:58I am Chris.
06:59Nice to meet you.
07:01Oh, my God, Julie.
07:01Is that him?
07:03Yeah, tall guy with a water bottle.
07:04Ooh, nice tall girl.
07:06Nice pull.
07:07I knew he was getting simple.
07:08Why wouldn't he tell me he was going to the gym?
07:10Yeah, you know what?
07:11Secret sucks.
07:12How are you going?
07:13Hey, listen.
07:15You find me on Instagram.
07:16It's Chris with a gay.
07:18What am I doing?
07:19I'm planting a business casual.
07:21This is actually insane.
07:22I am insane right now.
07:25These aren't my affairs.
07:26Just fucking out.
07:27We've got to get out of here.
07:28This is ridiculous.
07:29Let's go.
07:29Let's move.
07:30Let's move.
07:30Let's move.
07:31Oh, you just walked out?
07:32We were walking out.
07:36Oh, no.
07:38Saffron's staying at her dad's tonight.
07:41That means I'm not going to see her.
07:42Julie.
07:44Julie, we have to go to her school immediately
07:46and drop off these period gifts.
07:48Saffron deserves to be celebrated.
07:50Wait, wait.
07:50No, no, no, no, no.
07:51I feel like we've made a lot of hasty decisions today.
07:53I think maybe we should just take a breath
07:55and celebrate on that.
07:56No.
07:57No.
07:57No, I was there for when she crawled
07:59and she walked.
08:00When she talked,
08:00I will definitely be there for this.
08:03Let's go.
08:05Okay.
08:05Yeah.
08:05All right.
08:06Status report.
08:14Are we on track for 5 p.m.?
08:15Absolutely.
08:16I just got to finish these here.
08:18And I was thinking we could get everyone
08:19little cowboy hats and bandanas.
08:21No!
08:22Just farmhouse chic is farmhouse chic, okay?
08:24It has nothing to do with cowboys.
08:25Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa there, fella.
08:28What do you got against cowboys?
08:29Are you really asking or are you just being polite?
08:34I want to know.
08:35Papa's what?
08:45In Grid's Heaven, I had a huge crush on Daniel Forrester.
08:48He invited me to his birthday party,
08:50which I was told was cowboy-themed.
08:51So I show up in my hat, in my boots, in my chaps.
08:57With jeans on underneath, of course.
09:00Only to realize that no one else dressed up.
09:06Those assholes.
09:08Hey, kids are the worst.
09:10When I was in high school, I was a horse girl.
09:13Until I got mean-girled into a decade-long grunge phase.
09:21I think if you put that cowboy hat on,
09:23it might feel empowering.
09:26Those jerks stole my inner cowboy.
09:29And I'm going to get him back.
09:32That's a spirit bucko.
09:36And for $100, I can get a miniature pony.
09:38No, no livestock in the office.
09:40Oh, come on, they're clean.
09:41His name's Papaya.
09:42Papaya, please.
09:44Oh, my gosh.
09:45Heri Saffron just got to school.
09:46We're going to miss her.
09:46Oh, my God.
09:47I'm going as fast as I can.
09:48The milk of Magnesia is doing its work.
09:49Listen, get your phone out,
09:50because I want you to snap the pick up this core memory, okay?
09:53Okay, okay.
09:53Are we sure this is the core memory we want to give Saffron?
09:55Yeah, 100%.
09:56Help me look for her.
09:57Okay, what am I looking for?
09:59That.
10:03Saffron!
10:04Saffron!
10:08Saffron!
10:10Saffron!
10:10Is that your mom?
10:28Um, periods are great, and meant to be celebrated.
10:41Yay!
10:44Do your friends have their period?
10:46Do you guys have your period?
10:47Because there's enough chocolate here for every...
10:49Okay.
10:56Core memory?
10:59Do you want...
11:00No, no, I think we're done.
11:01I think we're done.
11:03Nice to meet you.
11:05They're scary.
11:06What's the door?
11:12Yeehaw!
11:12And welcome to Robin's Saloon!
11:17Grab a hat and a bandana.
11:18I didn't know we were dressing up for this.
11:20I don't do hats.
11:22You know, they do come in handy.
11:23You never know when a stray hair could tie you to a crime scene.
11:26Are you sure you guys don't want a hat or a bandana?
11:27Robin, you look really dumb.
11:29Did Evan force you to do this?
11:32It's not okay.
11:33He's even more annoying since becoming the boss.
11:35Totally, yeah.
11:36He pulled me into his office, and he shook me,
11:38and he said, we're doing this thing together.
11:40Do you want to write him up?
11:41Because nobody can force you to dress like a cow person against your will.
11:43Not even your boss.
11:45No, no, no, no.
11:46I'll just, um...
11:47I'll just get rid of this.
11:53Also, Laura.
11:55Just another thing I was wrong about today.
11:57First Pete, now poop.
11:59I really got it wrong, too, today.
12:01The unshaming of Saffron's period was the biggest shaming of her life.
12:06Well, she is only 13.
12:07I mean, it might be too soon to call that.
12:09And, you know, listen, first periods are usually kind of terrible.
12:12That's just it.
12:13I don't want Saffron to think that getting her period is terrible.
12:17Although mine currently is.
12:18You have your period again?
12:19I haven't stopped.
12:20I'm like a shell of a woman.
12:22Not only that, Juliet's like, I'm anxious, I'm bloated.
12:25I don't know how, but I've managed to wear out three of these lipstick vibrators.
12:30Respect.
12:31Thank you very much.
12:32Also, I'm losing my hair.
12:34I can't sleep.
12:36Oh, my God.
12:40You know what?
12:41What?
12:41Uh, so many symptoms sound a little familiar to me, like from the before time.
12:49Like, like before I had the big hand.
12:51No, thank you.
12:52I am only 44, honey.
12:53Okay, but I've done a lot of research.
12:55No.
12:55And I think you might possibly be in perimenopause.
12:57Oh, my God.
13:05I want some wine and some cheese.
13:07I want all of the cheese.
13:08I will not have any in solidarity.
13:13Well, hey there, cowboys.
13:15Where are all the cowboys?
13:18Baby, I've got traveling all of mine.
13:23Traveling, traveling, traveling all of mine.
13:25No one dressed up.
13:28Are you kidding me right now?
13:30Are you trying to re-traumatize me?
13:31I'm sorry.
13:32I'll put that on.
13:33You don't have to do that.
13:35Okay.
13:36What is happening?
13:38For the first time ever, I have no idea.
13:41What is it going to take to get you losers to see me as a friend?
13:47Huh?
13:48I try to do something nice and fun for you little idiots,
13:52and I can tell by the looks of all of your stupid faces
13:55that none of you want to be here.
14:02Huh?
14:02So it changed.
14:04What's the problem, huh?
14:05You're having the time of your lives this morning.
14:08Hanging out.
14:09Being all buddies.
14:12Yeah.
14:12What's the difference between now and then, right?
14:15Hey, don't move!
14:18Nobody fucking move.
14:21Nobody gets to leave.
14:23Until one by one, I hear why you don't like me.
14:26Legally, you can't keep us here.
14:28Julie.
14:28Okay.
14:29You first.
14:31You took my job.
14:34Okay.
14:35You.
14:36You reported me to HR.
14:38What?
14:39I didn't report you to HR.
14:41You didn't report?
14:43Okay.
14:43Who reported me to HR?
14:45That's confidential.
14:46Office policy states that nobody...
14:47No!
14:48We can't disclose that.
14:49No!
14:49Okay.
14:50Who reported me to HR?
15:01I did.
15:02You were kind of out of control.
15:04You were hugging everyone and doing truss falls,
15:06and there was a stingray tank.
15:07I didn't know what to do.
15:08You reported me to Moe?
15:10Yeah.
15:11I don't...
15:14I don't understand.
15:16I just thought that you were my friend.
15:18We are friends.
15:19I mean, this was before, you know?
15:21When were we not friends?
15:23Well, you know, you kind of did get assigned to me.
15:25You know, that's not exactly what I mean.
15:26I just, I, uh...
15:28We're just very different people,
15:29and you have a lot of quirks that I now see as assets.
15:33Okay, uh, that's not exactly it either.
15:35What I'm trying to say is just that, like,
15:37you're an acquired taste that I have acquired.
15:39You know what taste I have acquired, Julie?
15:45Cheese.
15:48My, oh, my.
15:51Certainly love a big stick of cheese, don't you?
15:55Doesn't that smell good?
15:57Mm, mm, mm, mm, mm.
15:59Oh, the whole thing.
16:00She's doing...
16:00Mm, mm, mm, mm, mm.
16:05You want some, Julie?
16:07Mm?
16:07You want a piece?
16:10There you go.
16:10You want a little bit?
16:11Oh, no, that's right.
16:12You can't.
16:13Because you're in menopause, right?
16:15I could stop.
16:16No, I won't stop.
16:17I think I'm going to enjoy something else you can have, huh?
16:19You like that?
16:20Look at this.
16:20You want some?
16:21I think I'll have it.
16:22Mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm.
16:25How do you like that?
16:31Julie?
16:33Are you okay?
16:34Don't touch me.
16:36Okay, Chris, you cannot bleed for a month
16:38and keep acting like it's normal.
16:40I'm doing the best I can.
16:45Now, Chris, wait up.
16:49I'll drive you.
16:51It's apple juice.
16:52Oh.
16:53Yeah.
16:56Chris, let me drive you home.
16:57Oh, just leave me alone.
17:00Whoa, whoa, whoa.
17:03Okay?
17:04Yeah.
17:04Okay.
17:05Hey, I'm sorry that I blamed you for the HR meeting.
17:10But I'm still really pissed off you didn't tell me the truth.
17:12I couldn't.
17:13I have to be so good at your job.
17:17Oh, you have clothed seats.
17:20Uh, you know what?
17:20It's fine.
17:21Look, I'm going to have this, and I'll just sit on this.
17:24Just like, bleh.
17:25Oh, no, it's fine.
17:26It's fine.
17:27I...
17:28Bleed away.
17:29Really?
17:30Yeah.
17:34Thanks, Mo.
17:36Yeah.
17:36I found these in the glove compartment.
17:48Are they yours?
17:49I'm not mad.
17:50I just need to know.
17:51But I do reserve the right to be angry once you've told me.
17:54So are they yours?
17:58What are you laughing at?
17:58Okay, now I am mad.
17:59Julie, why would I buy the cheapest, unlubricated, fruit-scented condoms?
18:09Oliver's been driving your car.
18:10Oh!
18:12Oh.
18:14Okay.
18:14Okay.
18:14We've got to be cool about this, right?
18:16Yeah, yeah, yeah.
18:16Obviously.
18:17Oliver.
18:18Hey, Oliver.
18:19Oliver.
18:19Way to go, buddy.
18:28Yeah.
18:30I think what your dad's trying to say is, uh, good job on being, uh, responsible, and more
18:36importantly, respectful.
18:39Thanks.
18:40And, Oliver, um, you know, if I give you a little advice, some things are worth spending money
18:46on mom, Julie, I hope I didn't embarrass you in front of your friends.
18:52I mean, coven, it's a coven, but looking back, I actually see that I did.
19:00And I'm so sorry.
19:02Listen, I want you to know that I look forward to unpacking your emotions around your period.
19:11Just the two of us.
19:14And mom won't do that again.
19:16But I'm thinking this time it would just be like a cake.
19:20But like a little cake.
19:22And have some sprinkles on it.
19:26I'm sorry.
19:31I'm done.
19:35Thank you for your moral support.
19:37I know that you couldn't hear me because I had to be private because Saffron doesn't like
19:40it when I do things in front of people.
19:42Yeah.
19:44Well, I'm happy that I could be here for you.
19:47Thanks.
19:50I'll walk you to your door?
19:52Yeah.
19:53No.
19:54What?
19:55I don't think it's a good idea.
19:56Okay.
19:56Okay.
19:59Yep.
20:06See you.
20:07Okay.
20:07Okay.
20:08Bye.
20:08Bye.
20:10Wilksies.
20:24Just still mad at me.
20:25You coming to bed?
20:29I'll be there in a few.
20:30Hey, gun show.
20:32You been going to the gym lately?
20:34I wish.
20:35Garbage must be getting heavier.
20:37Love you.
20:38The garbage is getting heavier.
20:41The garbage is getting heavier.
20:41Well, I feel like an old hobo.
20:56I'm sad, long.
20:58Someone blue, I was there as a summer day.
21:02Now the summer days are through you.
21:04Pass through places.
21:05And places pass through you.
21:07But you carry on with all the souls of your travel.
21:11Hmm.
21:11She'll lose her high.
21:17Well, I love you so dearly.
21:21I love you so clearly.
21:23I wake you up in the morning so early.
21:26Just to tell you I got the wandering blues.
21:30I got the wandering blues.
21:33And I'm going to quit these rambling ways.
21:37One of these days soon.
21:39Oh, no.