Two survivors of child sexual abuse just met after baring their stories to the world. Here's how Lokesh and Sahithi discuss trauma.
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00:00I had read multiple stories about female abuse, female rape, female sexual abuse and all of that.
00:06What happened with a girl was exactly similar with what had happened with me.
00:11He somehow like kind of inspired me to share my story.
00:15You know there is something in his voice that is soothing or let's say you can do it that phrase.
00:30His story said he wanted help in murder. I was like what help? I'll help you.
00:48So we have to give context about this. There was this one thing that I was doing on my story on Instagram
00:53where I was talking about people having ketchup on Maggie and eating it with Maggie.
01:01And I was like who are these people and I want to murder these people.
01:04And I think she replied to that story saying that okay I'm on it with you. So let's murder these people.
01:23It would do things to me that probably a six year old shouldn't be exposed to and harmed in a way that it just causes a lot of I think damage to the mind, to the head, to the body, to the soul.
01:39A kind of relief I would say but all thanks to Lokesh.
02:24I spoke with my parents first at age 19, 19 and a half, 19.
02:30Their first reaction was they cried and they cried for hours about it.
02:36They apologized to me that they weren't and could not be there for me when probably I needed them the most.
02:43Above all I think what made me feel fine about myself was the fact that my parents understood the depth and they understood that this was a real problem.
02:54My grandmom, she came, she was like have you ever looked at yourself?
03:11You are so fat, your breasts are big, you don't wear dupatta, you wear all the jeans.
03:16How do you expect someone to treat you?
03:21You maybe were not wearing dupatta at his place so he must have been attracted.
03:27I was like I was sleeping.
03:29I was sleeping so how to wear a dupatta?
03:33I started believing her because my own family she was.
03:38So it took almost four, four and a half, five years to get out of it, you know, accept the fact that I am not asking for it.
03:51You know there is a extremely big misconception saying if someone has, you know, went through a terrible experience, they should have anxiety and depression.
04:05People just assume that. I just don't understand that.
04:10I am sorry to cut you but then I have had people be completely shocked when I tell them that I haven't been depressed or in a state of absolute shock.
04:20I just haven't been through it and people are shocked. They ask me, are you sure?
04:27Do you want me to be depressed? Tell me about it. I will, I will, I will act for it if you want it.
04:32My case was different. I was depressed. I was anxious. I went for therapy. I took medications.
04:39See, that is my journey. That is how maybe I dealt with it.
04:43People would call me Kumbhakarna, female version of Kumbhakarna because I used to sleep like that.
04:50I mean no matter what happens beside me, I just wouldn't wake up at all. I come to deep sleep.
04:57I want to achieve that sort of determination when it comes to sleep because I get disturbed very quickly.
05:04All the best for that.
05:06An incident happened with my uncle when he started touching me inappropriately when I was asleep.
05:14And I don't know why I woke up that night but I always thanked myself that I woke up that night.
05:22And since then till today, there is not even a single day that I have slept like I used to sleep.
05:29Not even a single day.
05:36A specific DM said, you were not raped so this is not trauma. Don't act as if this is trauma.
05:44Do you understand?
05:45My brother, trauma is not, you know, there is no line that it crossed so this is trauma.
05:52Everything is trauma.
05:54A person, let's say a person who died in a swimming pool or let's say who was drowned in a swimming pool
06:01and had a near-death experience, that is trauma for him.
06:04At the same time, a person who was drowned or had a near-death experience in an ocean, that is trauma for him.
06:12You just cannot compare those two.
06:15You cannot sit here and compare your story with somebody else's.
06:19You can be inspired by that story and bring in some change in your life, that's okay.
06:25But it's very important to not compare your story because then you deem your problems smaller
06:30and you don't deal with them.
06:32You let them be and you let them live in your life.
06:42Every time I talk about my story, it's more of a liberation process for me.
06:52I don't know, it's that.
06:55I feel more liberated every single time I talk about it with anyone.
06:59To you, how does it feel to you when you talk about your story every single time?
07:03Do you revisit that experience or what happens to you?
07:07I don't revisit that experience but I feel like I'm doing something good.
07:15Like, okay, so I'm talking it.
07:19Maybe out of let's say hundred people who are reading it or viewing it or listening,
07:25maybe one will change because that is more than enough for me.
07:37A person asked me, would you exchange your life or would you change your life if given a chance?
07:43I would say, no, I don't want to because this is my life.
07:48And where I am right now with the people supporting me, with people loving me
07:54or taking inspiration from me, I will not change a single second about it.
08:01I feel very proud of the fact that it's not just me in this journey,
08:04it's my parents, it's my family, it's my extended family who speaks about it
08:09and my friends who speak about it.
08:12And all it took me was just one post, one story, one voice, that's it.