A Perfect Couple - ROMANCE, DRAMA - Full Movie in English
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🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:00Ashley Jones awoke one morning from pleasant dreams and found herself transformed into
00:00:29something perfectly different.
00:00:42Retracing her steps, Ashley Jones never saw it coming.
00:01:04Thinking back, everything seemed perfectly normal.
00:01:09As usual, Larry ordered a tenderloin steak, medium, with three russet potatoes.
00:01:14And for Ashley, a plate of spaghetti with marinara sauce, without meatballs.
00:01:31As always, everybody enjoyed the party, Ashley not least of all.
00:02:01We're going live in 5, 4, 3, 2...
00:02:07The town is divided over this controversy.
00:02:12The center of the debate?
00:02:13This tree.
00:02:14You suck.
00:02:15What do you think of the tree?
00:02:16I don't know.
00:02:17What do you think?
00:02:18Trees.
00:02:19Yeah.
00:02:20Uh, okay.
00:02:21There was nothing strange about her work either.
00:02:27Well, I'm not anti-tree, but I'm not pro-tree either.
00:02:31Well, maybe a little strange.
00:02:33And what do you think?
00:02:34What?
00:02:35I just want to know what you think.
00:02:36No, you don't.
00:02:37Yes, I do.
00:02:38What do you think about the tree?
00:02:39Well, I think in the grand scheme of things, it doesn't really matter.
00:02:40Ask her to elaborate.
00:02:41Can you elaborate?
00:02:42What's one tree in the span of our planet's history?
00:02:43Right?
00:02:44Entire species of trees have come together.
00:02:45I mean, look at this tree.
00:02:46I mean, look at this tree.
00:02:47I mean, look at this tree.
00:02:48I mean, look at this tree.
00:02:49I mean, look at this tree.
00:02:50I mean, look at this tree.
00:02:51I mean, look at this tree.
00:02:52I mean, look at this tree.
00:02:53I mean, look at this tree.
00:02:54I mean, look at this tree.
00:02:55I mean, look at this tree.
00:02:56I mean, look at this tree.
00:02:57I mean, look at this tree.
00:02:58I mean, look at this tree.
00:02:59I mean, look at this tree.
00:03:00I mean, look at this tree.
00:03:01I mean, look at this tree.
00:03:02I mean, look at this tree.
00:03:03I mean, look at this tree.
00:03:04I mean, look at this tree.
00:03:05I mean, look at this tree.
00:03:06I mean, look at this tree.
00:03:07I mean, look at this tree.
00:03:08I mean, look at this tree.
00:03:09I mean, look at this tree.
00:03:10I mean, look at this tree.
00:03:11I mean, look at this tree.
00:03:12I mean, look at this tree.
00:03:13I mean, look at this tree.
00:03:14I mean, look at this tree.
00:03:16You must have seen a lot of interesting things.
00:03:18Yeah.
00:03:20What's the most interesting thing she's ever seen?
00:03:23Wow.
00:03:24I never really...
00:03:26That's a great question.
00:03:29I mean, after living for 500,000 years,
00:03:31you've seen through so much technological...
00:03:33What?
00:03:34What did she just say?
00:03:35What did you say?
00:03:36About the extinct tree?
00:03:37Did she just say she's 500,000...
00:03:39Thousand years old?
00:03:41Well, I will be 500,000 in two weeks.
00:03:44Ask her who built the pyramids.
00:03:46Oh, gosh, what was his name?
00:03:48This bald guy.
00:03:49He was a complete jerk.
00:03:51Wow.
00:03:52Is this woman out of her mind?
00:03:53Is this supposed to be about the tree?
00:03:55Oh, I thought we moved past that,
00:03:57but we can keep talking about it if you want.
00:03:59Repeat after me.
00:04:01I don't think I should.
00:04:03Oh.
00:04:04Yeah.
00:04:06Me neither.
00:04:08I gotta go.
00:04:12Okay.
00:04:14This is Action News Live from Santa Norma, California.
00:04:18My name is Ashley Jones.
00:04:19Back to you, Jim.
00:04:31I love coming here.
00:04:33I know.
00:04:35Their yearly vacation had also been the same as ever.
00:04:38I put a reservation in for tonight.
00:04:41Our normal table.
00:04:42Of course.
00:04:49Howdy.
00:04:50And a good evening.
00:04:51Are we ready to order?
00:04:52Yes.
00:04:53As usual, Larry ordered a tenderloin steak,
00:04:56medium, with three russet potatoes,
00:04:58and a plate of spaghetti with marinara sauce for Ashley.
00:05:02And meatballs.
00:05:03I know.
00:05:06This guy.
00:05:07Funny.
00:05:16It's so nice to finally meet you, Larry.
00:05:19I'm Ashley.
00:05:20Ashley.
00:05:22That's a perfectly normal name.
00:05:24Do you like when things are normal?
00:05:27I do.
00:05:29I think the best thing in the world is normalcy.
00:05:32Normalcy?
00:05:33Isn't the word normality?
00:05:35But everybody says normalcy.
00:05:37So saying normality would be an abnormalcy.
00:05:41But isn't the rule that only words that end in the letter T get a suffix that...
00:05:46No.
00:05:47It's normalcy.
00:05:48Because saying it is normal and almost right.
00:05:52Right?
00:05:55Ashley was shocked to realize that she knew normalcy was wrong.
00:05:59And yet something about it seemed so right.
00:06:03Normal.
00:06:05Yeah, that sounds right.
00:06:09To normalcy.
00:06:11To normalcy.
00:06:12To normalcy.
00:06:14Good evening.
00:06:15Today the chef's specials are a tenderloin potatoes and a spaghetti marinara.
00:06:24That sounds great.
00:06:25Excellent choice.
00:06:29You know, I could see myself coming back to this place.
00:06:34Me too.
00:06:37Yeah.
00:06:39Me too.
00:06:43Yes, the perfectly normal life was sweet for Ashley.
00:06:46And you may well ask, would everything be okay?
00:06:49Is everything still okay?
00:06:51Yeah.
00:06:52It's great.
00:06:54It wasn't.
00:06:55Something was going to happen.
00:06:57Something terrible.
00:07:04I was really rooting for you.
00:07:07But we have to think about the ratings.
00:07:11But it wasn't that.
00:07:19Or that.
00:07:26You only have ten minutes to live.
00:07:30No, the reality was much more grim.
00:07:36Like I said, Ashley Jones awoke one morning from pleasant dreams to find herself transformed into something perfectly different.
00:07:44Are you staying in bed?
00:07:50No.
00:07:53I have multiple things to do.
00:08:01Multiple things?
00:08:06The reason that Ashley woke up with a Japanese accent was unclear.
00:08:10Wait, what?
00:08:12What did you just say?
00:08:15Nothing.
00:08:17What was clear, however, was that Larry could never find out about this.
00:08:47A SHORT FILM BY LARRY JONES
00:09:04It was called Foreign Accent Syndrome, a rare disorder that could suddenly and totally change a speaker's voice.
00:09:11And Ashley definitely had it.
00:09:15Probably.
00:09:19Well, your tests indicate no abnormalities.
00:09:22Could you walk me through what happened again?
00:09:26I woke up and I'm different.
00:09:30I see.
00:09:32Do you treat this all the time?
00:09:34Well, not personally.
00:09:36I may have heard of similar cases, but yours just doesn't seem to fit.
00:09:45Have you been hit on the head recently?
00:09:48No.
00:09:50Well, without any clear cause, I can't make any specific recommendation.
00:09:57But I think speech therapy could possibly help your situation.
00:10:01Then I'll be back to normal?
00:10:03We'll have to wait and see. Maybe it all makes sense somehow.
00:10:06How?
00:10:09In other news, Temperance flared at the last night's city council meeting.
00:10:13Ongoing talks have broken down at the mayor's controversial Friday deadline for the decision on the fate of the tree.
00:10:20Remember to shape your vowels. Watch your mouth when you shape them.
00:10:24How was it? Do I sound normal?
00:10:26Well, let's try it again.
00:10:30In all other news, Temperance flared...
00:10:35Temperance flared...
00:10:39I don't know. She's never late.
00:10:41Yeah, but what about the weather?
00:10:44Oh, yeah. Right.
00:10:49It's Bruce.
00:10:50Hello, this is Dr. Cunningham.
00:10:52I regret to inform you that we're finding Ms. Jones' illness to be stubbornly persisting.
00:10:58Do you have a time frame for her recovery?
00:11:00Not as of yet, no. We're still monitoring the situation.
00:11:04We've already had to bump back her interview with the mayor twice. Can I speak with her?
00:11:08Well, frankly, it's nothing too serious. However, I do recommend continued rest.
00:11:15Well, I'm sure you know what's best, Doctor. Thanks for letting me know.
00:11:19Not at all, sir. You have a great day.
00:11:23Can I have my $20 now, lady?
00:11:25Don't spend it on drugs.
00:11:26I'm not going to spend it on drugs. You don't spend it on drugs.
00:11:35Is everything still perfectly normal, sir?
00:11:37What?
00:11:39Oh. Thank you.
00:11:46There you are.
00:11:49Did work hold you up again?
00:11:51Mm-hmm.
00:11:52Good. Because that's perfectly normal.
00:12:00Mmm. This steak is delicious.
00:12:04Mm-hmm.
00:12:09I said, mmm. This steak is delicious.
00:12:13Mm-hmm.
00:12:22This is Ashley Jones. Leave a message.
00:12:25Ashley, you've got to let me know about this mayor thing tomorrow. You're my rock star.
00:12:30Let's try it again. Now repeat after me.
00:12:33Pretty goats gobbled up gooseberries, getting good at grabbing the goodies.
00:12:39Ashley, I'm trying.
00:12:43Okay, well.
00:12:47Here's something you might want to try. It's a little different.
00:12:53Different?
00:12:59It was the 4th of July.
00:13:03Seven years ago.
00:13:06We were sitting in the dark of the marina, eating a pizza,
00:13:11when suddenly I hear this frightening cry.
00:13:16I look and I see a child sinking.
00:13:19I'm sinking. I have to help.
00:13:22Well, I jump right in the water.
00:13:24And just as I pushed her to safety,
00:13:29I was run over by a boat.
00:13:32I drowned.
00:13:34And I woke up speaking something like this.
00:13:38I've seen some dark days since then,
00:13:40but I want everybody of you to know how much I appreciate you.
00:13:44This is the best turnout yet for our foreign accent syndrome support group.
00:13:57Hi.
00:13:59I'm Guy.
00:14:01I've been on the street my whole life with the ROV crew.
00:14:05And it kind of gave me my identity, you know?
00:14:10One day that all went away.
00:14:12We were about to do our biggest heist,
00:14:15and I slept in the tub that morning.
00:14:18Woke up in the hospital with this accent.
00:14:23And my gang, they kicked me out.
00:14:26They kicked me out.
00:14:29They say I was on board no more.
00:14:34Oh yeah, it is perfectly normal for us to feel like we no longer fit in.
00:14:39Thank you, brother.
00:14:42Hello, hello, hello, gents.
00:14:44Sorry for the tardiness, but money never sleeps, you know?
00:14:48Okay, as you all know, way before this, I was a lowly construction worker.
00:14:53I didn't even know what foreign accent syndrome was.
00:14:56I mean, who would have thought that a hit on the head with a sledgehammer
00:14:59would have endowed me with a charismatic accent
00:15:02and a fabulous way of life as an entrepreneur?
00:15:06Let that be a lesson to you.
00:15:07Don't wear a helmet.
00:15:09It's entrepreneur.
00:15:10Okay, all right.
00:15:12Everybody good, are they?
00:15:13How's the family?
00:15:14They stopped talking to me.
00:15:16Well, you can't win them all.
00:15:17Well, you can't win them all.
00:15:18I can't.
00:15:20Wait a minute.
00:15:21I think we have a new face with us today.
00:15:24What's your name, darling?
00:15:26Hello.
00:15:27My name is Ashley.
00:15:29Oh, a Japanese accent.
00:15:31That's good.
00:15:33Why?
00:15:34Well, it makes sense.
00:15:37How?
00:15:45So, tell us about yourself.
00:15:47I want to learn more about foreign accent syndrome.
00:15:50You came to the right place.
00:15:52We're all friends here.
00:15:54Good.
00:15:55Because I just woke up and spoke this way.
00:15:57You know, it's very confusing.
00:16:01So, how did you hurt your head, my chérie?
00:16:05I never hurt my head.
00:16:07Was it a stroke?
00:16:08Or did you drown?
00:16:10No.
00:16:12Let me get this straight, love.
00:16:13You never hit your head?
00:16:16No.
00:16:21Becky's Beagles barked and bayed.
00:16:23Is this ever going to get easier?
00:16:26Of course.
00:16:27You were doing great.
00:16:29Really?
00:16:31Yeah.
00:16:32And even if nothing ever comes from the therapy,
00:16:36you don't have to worry.
00:16:38No?
00:16:40No.
00:16:41Maybe it all kind of makes sense.
00:16:45How?
00:16:46How does it make sense for me or anybody else
00:16:48to go to sleep one night and wake up the next morning
00:16:51with Japanese accent or any other accent?
00:16:54How does it even make sense at all?
00:16:57No, I guess it just doesn't make any sense at all.
00:17:02But it seems like it should.
00:17:04That sucks.
00:17:06Can't you see that this is getting you nowhere?
00:17:08That you'll have to tell the truth eventually?
00:17:11Your turn, Captain.
00:17:13Now listen, Jim.
00:17:14You know who killed Patrick and Taylor.
00:17:17But what's more important is you know
00:17:18who ended up with the golden leopard.
00:17:24You're home.
00:17:27How are you?
00:17:28Is everything okay?
00:17:30Is everything perfectly normal?
00:17:44How about at work?
00:17:46Is everything good there?
00:17:48Everything normal?
00:17:51Mm-mm.
00:17:56Stan asked about you.
00:17:58He said that he wanted to say hello.
00:18:02Mm-hmm.
00:18:04You remember Stan, right?
00:18:06Mm-hmm.
00:18:07Yeah, you had that really good conversation about the weather.
00:18:11Anyway, he said that he didn't see you on TV much this week.
00:18:17Isn't that weird?
00:18:19Hmm.
00:18:22Do you think that maybe he's just tuning in at the wrong time?
00:18:27You think that's it?
00:18:29Because I would be surprised if he was always tuning in at the right time
00:18:33and then suddenly he's tuning in at the wrong time.
00:18:36Wouldn't you?
00:18:38Mm-hmm.
00:18:41Anyway, I just wanted to let you know
00:18:45that I'm really excited to watch your interview with the mayor tomorrow.
00:18:59Are you sure you don't want to say anything?
00:19:05No.
00:19:07Okay.
00:19:10Have a good night.
00:19:29My name is Ashley Jones.
00:19:37My name is Ashley Jones.
00:19:43My name is Ashley Jones.
00:19:52Did anyone follow up on the 500-year-old woman who...
00:19:57There she is.
00:20:00Great to have you back.
00:20:02Everything's on the cue cards.
00:20:04You know what to do.
00:20:05Five, four, three...
00:20:25The cards.
00:20:27Just read the cards.
00:20:28The cards.
00:20:34So, about the tree?
00:20:39Think of the ratings.
00:20:40Okay.
00:20:55Are you sure you didn't hit your head?
00:20:59Yeah.
00:21:03I understand.
00:21:05There's never a good time for this.
00:21:11But we have to think about the ratings.
00:21:16Tiffany will take your place for now.
00:21:19If there's anything else that opens up,
00:21:22off-camera maybe,
00:21:25I can let you know.
00:21:27Okay?
00:21:28Okay.
00:21:40Say hello to Dr. Cunningham for me.
00:21:59Larry.
00:22:02I'll be out of your way soon.
00:22:05Wanna go to dinner and talk about it?
00:22:16I'm sorry. Please don't be mad.
00:22:20I'm not mad.
00:22:23Not anymore.
00:22:28Am I disappointed?
00:22:30Yeah.
00:22:33We had such a beautifully normal thing together.
00:22:36And now?
00:22:39I don't know.
00:22:42I mean, look at you. You're just so...
00:22:54You're just not the same woman I fell in love with anymore.
00:22:56I'm...
00:22:58I'm sorry.
00:23:03Larry!
00:23:04Wait!
00:23:08I never intended to hurt you.
00:23:13Look at me.
00:23:16I'm the same Ashley I always was.
00:23:19And I know our love is strong enough to overcome no matter what the obstacle.
00:23:27Ashley.
00:23:30I'm sorry.
00:23:32What did you say?
00:23:35I said no matter the obstacle.
00:23:39What is it?
00:23:48Never mind.
00:23:49Obstacle.
00:23:53No matter the obstacle.
00:23:57Oh, it's beautiful to think so.
00:24:03Here.
00:24:08Keep this.
00:24:09I think you need it more than I do.
00:24:19Yes, life was hard for Ashley.
00:24:22Our heart-sick heroine pined in solitude for her lost love.
00:24:26Days turned into months.
00:24:28Months turned into years.
00:24:30And all she could do was remember.
00:24:41Through the long years, she hid herself away from the world.
00:24:45Through the long years, she hid herself away from the cold, cruel world.
00:24:50Her only companions, misery and loneliness.
00:24:53And her children.
00:24:58My baby.
00:25:02Mommy.
00:25:15Ashley had become a prisoner in her own world.
00:25:23You suck!
00:25:31Abandoned by mankind and forgotten by the world,
00:25:35she eventually forgot how to speak altogether.
00:25:45She desperately longed to forget the spurning of her beguiling lost love,
00:25:50Larry.
00:25:54But instead, she could only console herself with longing
00:25:58for the moment his pain would finally end.
00:26:03Just a few more breaths.
00:26:06Almost.
00:26:09But first she had to ignore Tiffany's phone call.
00:26:15Phone ringing.
00:26:20Leave me alone, Tiffany.
00:26:22Hold on, Evie. We're just trying to talk.
00:26:24You're not listening. None of you are.
00:26:33Mom.
00:26:38Phone ringing.
00:26:44Tony's Spaghetteria. What would you like to order?
00:26:47Hello. I just want to...
00:26:50Order spaghetti with marinara sauce.
00:26:54Do you want meatballs with that?
00:26:57No. Are you crazy?
00:27:00Alright. What's the address?
00:27:0514 Maple Drive.
00:27:08That's $12.99. Should take about 30 minutes.
00:27:14Goodbye.
00:27:25Larry.
00:27:27Oh, my dear, sweet Ashley.
00:27:30I bet you look just as beautiful as the day we met.
00:27:33But, alas, I'll never know.
00:27:37Oh, Larry, what happened to you?
00:27:40It just came on so suddenly.
00:27:41The doctors have no idea what happened.
00:27:44And there's nothing they can do.
00:27:46I just... I needed to hold you one last time
00:27:48before the paralysis moves up to my arms.
00:27:52But I'm not perfectly normal.
00:27:55Ashley, do you really think that I could stay away from you
00:27:58just because you're... different?
00:28:01Larry, I'm really...
00:28:03Don't worry. I'll be fine
00:28:05just as long as I can hold you one last time in my arms.
00:28:08No, Larry, I'm really sorry.
00:28:11But you're too late.
00:28:13You're not the man falling in love with anymore.
00:28:16Come on, babe. The water's getting cold.
00:28:18You got it, stud.
00:28:20Oh, who's this little guy?
00:28:22He's nobody.
00:28:24He's not giving you problems, is he, babe?
00:28:26No, he's not bothering me.
00:28:28He doesn't mean anything to me at all.
00:28:30But, Ashley, oh...
00:28:32Oh, Ashley.
00:28:34Ashley.
00:28:35Ashley.
00:28:37Ashley.
00:28:41Ashley.
00:28:53Ashley.
00:29:05Ashley.
00:29:29Do you need any change?
00:29:35Hello?
00:29:43Sorry, I kind of need you to tell me.
00:29:47No, you can keep the change.
00:29:55Keep the change.
00:30:05My name is Ashley Jones.
00:30:12My name is Ashley Jones!
00:30:27Just one.
00:30:31Knock, knock.
00:30:35Knock, knock.
00:31:03Who's there?
00:31:05Tiffany who?
00:31:07Oh my God, I'm coming in.
00:31:11Put your shoes on. Let's go.
00:31:14Where?
00:31:15To the party, remember?
00:31:17The big tree fundraiser.
00:31:19I'm busy tonight.
00:31:21You expect me to believe that?
00:31:24I can't go. I'm sick.
00:31:28What kind of sick?
00:31:31I throw up.
00:31:33You're going to throw up?
00:31:35Yes.
00:31:37Okay.
00:31:40I'll wait.
00:31:47I'm much better now.
00:31:49Oh, good.
00:31:51Want some gum?
00:31:54Sure.
00:31:58How about this dress? Do you like it?
00:32:02Everybody's going to be there.
00:32:03You want to look good, right?
00:32:05I don't care.
00:32:07Oh, I look good in this one.
00:32:11Yeah, Duane will love it.
00:32:14This sucks.
00:32:16If something bad had to happen to me,
00:32:18why couldn't it be some good bad thing that's obvious
00:32:21so everybody feels sorry for me?
00:32:23But this, this just confuses people.
00:32:26Because it seems like it should make sense, but it doesn't.
00:32:33Look.
00:32:36I understand why you're upset, okay?
00:32:39It's because your life isn't perfectly normal anymore.
00:32:43I don't like it either.
00:32:45I don't like it at all.
00:32:49But we're going to fix you.
00:32:52And we'll start by getting you a new Larry.
00:32:55And then your life will be perfectly normal again.
00:32:58And we'll all be comfortable.
00:33:00What if it doesn't go back to normal?
00:33:03I don't know.
00:33:07Tiffany was shocked to realize
00:33:09that she had never considered this possibility.
00:33:12She was equally shocked to realize
00:33:14that Ashley might no longer be the friend she used to know.
00:33:17And Ashley was shocked to realize
00:33:19what Tiffany had just realized.
00:33:23Let's go to the party.
00:33:25Okay. Awesome.
00:33:27Oh.
00:33:29And you have to get ten phone numbers by the end of the night.
00:33:31And how about three?
00:33:33Five.
00:33:35I don't know. I'm confident enough to get five numbers.
00:33:38Then just pretend you are.
00:33:40That's what life's all about.
00:33:42Pretending?
00:33:44Yes.
00:33:46Pretending to be what?
00:33:48Whatever anybody wants you to be.
00:33:53So, you get five numbers, and I'll go find Dwayne.
00:33:57And don't worry, I'll be by your side the whole time.
00:33:59Hey, Dwayne.
00:34:01I gotta go.
00:34:03Come with you.
00:34:05No, stay here. Get some numbers.
00:34:07Here you go. On the rocks for you.
00:34:09Oh, thank you, sir.
00:34:11Martina Noel. It's coming right up.
00:34:20Hey, you. Give me your number.
00:34:24Right on.
00:34:29Hey.
00:34:35So, what made you come over here and talk to me for a bit?
00:34:38And just like that, Ashley realized she owned this place.
00:34:43The party, not the house.
00:34:46She owned a different house.
00:34:49Here, give me your number.
00:34:51What? My phone number?
00:34:53Yes, your number. Right now.
00:34:55What are you talking about?
00:34:57Who's Dave?
00:35:00Give me the number.
00:35:02Whoa, whoa, whoa. She's with me, bro.
00:35:05Wait. What?
00:35:07Give me your number. I want your number. Please.
00:35:10Okay.
00:35:12Wait, why are you asking him for his number?
00:35:14I have lots of phone calls to make.
00:35:17Well, then give me back my number.
00:35:19Look, I'll be perfectly honest with you.
00:35:22I'm trying to get five numbers.
00:35:24Wait, you're trying to get five numbers?
00:35:26Yeah, I have to.
00:35:28Well, then I'm not giving you mine.
00:35:30Wait, you're not giving her your number?
00:35:32No.
00:35:34Alright, you can take my number back.
00:35:36Yeah, it was nice meeting you both.
00:35:41I love your accent. I drive a Honda.
00:35:45You go get us some food, okay?
00:35:47Okay. Meatballs.
00:35:49Surprise me.
00:35:51Right on.
00:35:56Okay.
00:36:08Hey, give me your number.
00:36:10Ashley.
00:36:12Larry.
00:36:14Hey.
00:36:16Hi.
00:36:18Tenderloin?
00:36:20Yeah, but it's too rare, though.
00:36:23Oh, too bad.
00:36:24Yeah.
00:36:26I know.
00:36:29So, is anything new?
00:36:33Nothing.
00:36:35You?
00:36:37I just wanted to say...
00:36:39Hey, you know, I saw they have another round of stakeout.
00:36:43I'll be right back.
00:36:46Here you go.
00:36:48Where did you say the...
00:36:50I don't want your number.
00:36:51What is your problem, lady?
00:36:54I don't even know this guy.
00:36:56But anyway, did you...
00:36:58This is a very normal party.
00:37:00Perfectly normal.
00:37:02You think so?
00:37:04Yeah, I love it.
00:37:06Yeah.
00:37:08Yeah, me too.
00:37:10I'm Larry.
00:37:12I'm Emily.
00:37:14Emily? That's a perfectly normal name.
00:37:16Thanks. It's the most common women's name in America.
00:37:18Really?
00:37:19Wait, Larry, were you saying to me...
00:37:23I don't...
00:37:25Could I get you anything?
00:37:28Thanks, but I already got a plate for myself.
00:37:31Oh, my.
00:37:33So they didn't have any meatballs.
00:37:36This is my fiancé.
00:37:38Right on.
00:37:44Fiancé?
00:37:46Yeah, you wait in here.
00:37:47I have another big surprise for you, okay?
00:37:49Wait, this is the cold closet.
00:37:51Okay.
00:37:53Hey, give me your number.
00:37:55Are you serious?
00:37:57Serious.
00:37:59You're very hot.
00:38:01Well, I can't argue with that.
00:38:04So, you're Japanese?
00:38:06You're here with all the Kobayashi people?
00:38:08No, I'm not Japanese.
00:38:10I'm from Allentown.
00:38:12Okay.
00:38:20I have a fiancé.
00:38:22What the crap?
00:38:33Hey, Jim.
00:38:35Looking good.
00:38:38Hey.
00:38:40I didn't meet you yet.
00:38:42Yeah, yeah.
00:38:44How do you like the party?
00:38:46This party sucks.
00:38:48What?
00:38:51Where are you from?
00:38:54Japan. Now, leave me alone.
00:38:58Awesome.
00:39:00Wow.
00:39:02What city are you from?
00:39:04I don't know.
00:39:06Saigon?
00:39:08Ni hao.
00:39:10Here, allow me.
00:39:14I want to show you something.
00:39:20Ashley gazed up at the stars
00:39:22and realized she was glad
00:39:24that Tiffany had dragged her here.
00:39:26Maybe life wasn't so hopeless after all.
00:39:30You're different.
00:39:34I'm not different.
00:39:35Yes, you are.
00:39:37And I like that about you.
00:39:43I'm Ashley.
00:39:45Duane.
00:39:47Wait, your name is Duane?
00:39:49Yeah.
00:39:53What?
00:39:55I gotta go, it's an emergency.
00:39:57Oh, of course.
00:39:59Yeah, down the hall on the right.
00:40:01Aren't you glad I dragged you here?
00:40:04Maybe life isn't so hopeless after all.
00:40:06Tiffany, I need to talk to you.
00:40:08No, I need you to help me find Duane.
00:40:12You have something on your face.
00:40:14Huh?
00:40:16You freshen up, I look downstairs.
00:40:18You're the best.
00:40:23Ashley was being pulled
00:40:25in too many directions at once.
00:40:27Larry had her heart.
00:40:28But Duane had other qualities.
00:40:31Still, Tiffany should have her loyalty.
00:40:34Ashley realized that she needed to.
00:40:36Hey, Ashley.
00:40:38I'm glad you're here.
00:40:40I have a big opportunity for you.
00:40:42The interview that you did
00:40:44with the 50,000-year-old woman
00:40:46was a big hit.
00:40:48500,000.
00:40:50Right, we want to get her back,
00:40:52but we can't find her.
00:40:54If you could track her down,
00:40:56I might be able to bring you back.
00:40:58Back to my job?
00:41:00Maybe we could find you something else.
00:41:02A producer or something.
00:41:04Okay.
00:41:06Maybe that's normal enough.
00:41:08Can you get started right away?
00:41:10Well, I got a lot on my plate at the moment.
00:41:19Hi.
00:41:23I can take that.
00:41:28I need to talk to you about Tiffany.
00:41:30Yeah, and then about the weather.
00:41:32Oh, Ashley.
00:41:34Oh, Ashley.
00:41:36Oh, Larry, hi.
00:41:38I might get my job back.
00:41:40Touché, babe.
00:41:42So, at your old studio?
00:41:44Yes.
00:41:46Oh.
00:41:48Champagne, no olives.
00:41:50Maybe that's normal enough.
00:41:52If not, maybe we can pretend.
00:41:55Yeah.
00:41:57I've got a lot on my plate at the moment.
00:41:59Let's celebrate.
00:42:01Cheers.
00:42:06Oh, there's some people I want you to meet.
00:42:27Are you from Tohoku?
00:42:29Yes.
00:42:34Can I have your business card?
00:42:36Nice to meet you.
00:42:39Nice to meet you, too.
00:42:50That's a strange business card.
00:42:53Maybe.
00:42:54Maybe.
00:42:58Let's eat.
00:43:21What do you think?
00:43:23This woman.
00:43:25Not Japanese.
00:43:28You tramp.
00:43:30Are you serious?
00:43:32Get your hands off my fiancée, bro.
00:43:34Fiancée?
00:43:36You said that he's your fiancée?
00:43:38Ashley, what does fiancée mean?
00:43:40I genuinely don't know.
00:43:42No, no.
00:43:45I don't know who these guys are.
00:43:47This guy's looking like a slut.
00:43:49What are you guys doing here?
00:43:50Everything's great.
00:43:52Just let her talk.
00:43:54Hey, here's my number.
00:43:56You've got to be kidding me, Ashley.
00:43:59Guys, guys.
00:44:05Knock, knock.
00:44:07You suck.
00:44:12And so it turned out, life really was hopeless after all.
00:44:17Hello, this is Jim speaking.
00:44:21Again.
00:44:23It was time to give up.
00:44:25Sure, Ashley could get her old job back if she found Evie,
00:44:28but she had no idea how to solve this case.
00:44:31And so she...
00:44:32Wait a minute.
00:44:40Wait just a minute.
00:44:44Hello?
00:44:47This is Detective Jones. I'm on the case.
00:44:51Okay.
00:45:03Finally, a little luck was headed my way.
00:45:06Word came down from the big man that I could have my old job back.
00:45:11But only if I found this broad.
00:45:15She liked to run her mouth about pyramids.
00:45:20Yeah, this would be a piece of cake.
00:45:26A piece of cake, as long as whoever was tailing me didn't cause too much of a stir.
00:45:35I knew the first guy I should talk to.
00:45:38He was a random quack who was permanently desperate for a quick buck.
00:45:43But he always knew the score.
00:45:51I got the goods, doll, but it ain't gonna be free, see?
00:45:56Now you're singing my song.
00:45:58No, you start singing my song, pal, and it better make me wanna dance.
00:46:12After that, he sang all right.
00:46:15The quack sang like a chorus girl.
00:46:17He pointed me towards a big old mansion in Hankook Park where the dame was supposed to hang around.
00:46:24The kind of place where people floated in and out like a broken-hearted ghost.
00:46:29Looking for something they've been looking for so long they forgot what it was.
00:46:33But not me. I knew just what I was looking for.
00:46:42This was proving to be one slippery fish.
00:46:46But I knew I had to boat this bass.
00:46:49Even if it meant talking to the one low-down dirty eel who knew it all.
00:46:56This muck seems to be everywhere and hear everything.
00:47:00Always turning up like a bad penny.
00:47:05I'd just as soon break his legs as talk to him, but I needed the inside dish.
00:47:11He said he could help me, for a price.
00:47:16It was called the Golden Leopard.
00:47:19He said it was his, but some other crooks had gotten their paws on it.
00:47:24I didn't care to sow through the details.
00:47:27All I knew was that if I got it, he'd deliver the dame who was causing all this trouble.
00:47:46Fuck!
00:47:53Greg, what happened? Talk to me!
00:47:56You suck.
00:48:02The spaghetti hat hit the fan.
00:48:05I had no idea where the dame or the Golden Leopard got to.
00:48:09And Greg was dead. I was singing in the wind.
00:48:15He wasn't dead, but he was dead drunk and useless to me.
00:48:25I had to get a hold of myself. I had to think.
00:48:29Who bumped off Greg? Where was the Golden Leopard?
00:48:32Was Doc Cunningham just plain possum?
00:48:35But most of all, who was tailing me?
00:48:39Hey, what's up?
00:48:41You need to stop talking, pretty boy.
00:48:43Oh, you think I'm pretty?
00:48:45He knew as little as I did.
00:48:47Can I call you?
00:48:49In the middle of this swampy, mixed-up mess, one thing was perfectly clear.
00:48:54I was never gonna find this dame.
00:48:58There she is!
00:48:59Leave me alone.
00:49:00But aren't you the...
00:49:01No.
00:49:02Yes, we did an interview. Do you want to do another one?
00:49:04You lied to me.
00:49:05What? How?
00:49:07You acted like you believed me, but it was all just for ratings, wasn't it?
00:49:12Um...
00:49:13What? You can't talk now?
00:49:17Sorry for bothering you.
00:49:20Wait. What happened to your voice?
00:49:23I don't know.
00:49:25I'm sorry. I'm not trying to make fun of you or anything.
00:49:29And if it's none of my business, I apologize.
00:49:33Is it like foreign accent syndrome or something?
00:49:35Ashley was shocked to realize that this was the first person to understand her in a long time.
00:49:43Actually, yeah, but...
00:49:44Wow!
00:49:45Sort of.
00:49:46Really? But you didn't get hit in the head, right?
00:49:49I mean, if you had serious head trauma, you wouldn't be up and around already.
00:49:53No, I wasn't.
00:49:55I just woke up this way.
00:49:57It just happened.
00:49:58Jeez, that is frustrating.
00:50:00Yeah, it's very lonely.
00:50:03Well, you're allowed to feel that.
00:50:05But wait, you've got a Japanese accent.
00:50:08That is complicated.
00:50:11I'll bet people have no idea what to think of you, do they?
00:50:17I'll bet there's even people who don't believe you.
00:50:20Right?
00:50:21Well, it's not a very believable story.
00:50:24That doesn't mean it's not true.
00:50:26Yeah, but it doesn't make any sense.
00:50:29Which sucks, because it seems like it should make sense, but it doesn't.
00:50:34Well, maybe you're wrong to assume that you are the version of you that can understand this.
00:50:40Maybe the version of you that can understand what you're going through, right now,
00:50:45is the one you become after you go through it all.
00:50:49Maybe.
00:50:50Maybe the version of you that can understand what you're going through, right now,
00:50:53is the one you become after you go through it all.
00:50:56That would be terrible.
00:50:58No, that would be life.
00:51:05Come on, do this interview for me.
00:51:10You seem nice, and I would like to help you.
00:51:16But I'm 27.
00:51:1827.
00:51:2027?
00:51:2231.
00:51:2432, okay.
00:51:26So, sorry, you know, I can't do it.
00:51:31The chase was over. It was a dead end.
00:51:35It was curtains for me. Case closed.
00:51:43Um, are you okay?
00:51:46I don't know.
00:51:50Do you want to get some dinner and talk about it?
00:52:09Well, this is nice.
00:52:14Yeah.
00:52:17What do you recommend?
00:52:20I always get the spaghetti.
00:52:23Okay.
00:52:25Marinara?
00:52:27Yeah.
00:52:28Meatballs?
00:52:29No.
00:52:30Oh, why not?
00:52:34I don't know. It's not normal. And normalcy is good.
00:52:39Oh. I think you mean normality.
00:52:43Huh?
00:52:45Um, not to be pedantic here, but this drives me nuts.
00:52:49Adjectives that end in a T get a CY suffix when becoming a noun.
00:52:54Right?
00:52:55Pregnant. C.
00:52:57Frequent. C.
00:52:58Transparent. C.
00:53:00Adjectives that end in AL get an ITY suffix.
00:53:05Mental. Mentality.
00:53:07Real. Reality.
00:53:08Formal. Formality.
00:53:10Normal. Normalcy!
00:53:15Uh, good evening. Can I get your usual?
00:53:19Can we see a menu, please?
00:53:24Why?
00:53:25I guess we need a minute.
00:53:30Yeah.
00:53:32Okay.
00:53:34Weird.
00:53:35So what else is good here?
00:53:36Tenderloin potatoes are a favorite.
00:53:40But, whatever. I'll get the menus.
00:53:45I mean, what else have you tried?
00:53:48Just the spaghetti.
00:53:51How many times have you been here?
00:53:54Well, once in a week for the last six years puts us around...
00:54:01...three hundred.
00:54:03So you've been here three hundred times.
00:54:06And you've never tried anything other than the spaghetti?
00:54:09You've never tried anything other than the spaghetti?
00:54:17Well, what's wrong?
00:54:21You know.
00:54:23All of this.
00:54:27Yeah.
00:54:29I know.
00:54:32I've been down in the dumps, too, before.
00:54:35You have?
00:54:37Yeah, like...
00:54:39...when I was in the shipping business...
00:54:41...I accidentally imported the Black Death into Europe.
00:54:47I felt like they really didn't take that well, but, you know...
00:54:50I'm sorry.
00:54:51Yeah, not as sorry as the Florentines.
00:54:56Okay, wait.
00:54:57You're not really 32.
00:55:00You are five hundred thousand years old!
00:55:04Okay.
00:55:05Hey!
00:55:06Sorry.
00:55:07I just said that because I...
00:55:10Wait.
00:55:11So you do believe me?
00:55:15Well, if you say so, yeah.
00:55:17It's good enough for me.
00:55:20Really?
00:55:21Evie was shocked to realize...
00:55:23...that this was the first person to understand her in a long time.
00:55:27A very long time.
00:55:29A very, very, very, very, very, very...
00:55:35...long time.
00:55:39Are you ready yet?
00:55:43Could you bring us a basket of bread?
00:55:46Bread?
00:55:48You do have bread, right?
00:55:51For her.
00:55:54Yeah.
00:55:56All right.
00:56:00Okay, look.
00:56:01You should do the interview.
00:56:03Oh, let's not spoil dinner.
00:56:06But if you're really five hundred thousand years old...
00:56:09...you should be true to yourself.
00:56:11Joan of Arc was true to herself.
00:56:14And look where it got her.
00:56:16Steak. Well done.
00:56:17But don't you think you owe it to humanity?
00:56:20Because people want to know that they could live forever, too.
00:56:23Living forever is the worst kind of hell.
00:56:31You should just do it.
00:56:32Why?
00:56:34Because...
00:56:37Because you could get famous.
00:56:42Okay. Nice try.
00:56:47Your...
00:56:49...bread?
00:56:52I will have the spaghetti.
00:56:53Oh, thank God. With marinara.
00:56:55Yes, please.
00:56:56Excellent choice.
00:56:57So, two spaghettis with marinara.
00:57:03Right?
00:57:09I'm gonna go wash my hands.
00:57:11Because you can't be too careful with the plague.
00:57:17Well?
00:57:21Don't do it.
00:57:24Don't do it.
00:57:26Oh.
00:57:31What's the opposite of spaghetti with marinara?
00:57:34Tenderloin and potatoes.
00:57:36No.
00:57:47Could you please just order the spaghetti with marinara?
00:57:51No.
00:57:56What's wrong?
00:57:59A lot of things.
00:58:02Where's Larry?
00:58:11Did I do something wrong?
00:58:14What? No.
00:58:15Of course not.
00:58:17I guess it's me.
00:58:19I don't think you should come in here anymore.
00:58:22Yep.
00:58:24Me neither.
00:58:27You've changed.
00:58:29Believe me.
00:58:31I'm sorry for that.
00:58:34So am I.
00:58:37So am I.
00:58:39So am I.
00:58:42So am I.
00:58:54I love that fish.
00:59:09Oh.
00:59:13Well, that was a lovely meal, right?
00:59:16Yeah.
00:59:18Did that fish not agree with you?
00:59:21I don't know.
00:59:22I don't know anything anymore.
00:59:24I don't even know who I am.
00:59:26What do you mean?
00:59:28I mean, am I a news anchor or a fiancé or a detective?
00:59:34Have you ever felt like an older woman?
00:59:39Me?
00:59:43Come look at this.
00:59:46Tell me what you see.
00:59:49A tree.
00:59:51A tree?
00:59:52Do you see anything more than that?
00:59:55I don't know.
00:59:59A tree.
01:00:01Ever-growing.
01:00:03Ever-changing.
01:00:05Familiar, yet unique.
01:00:09Okay.
01:00:10Let me ask you something.
01:00:12Would this miracle of nature stop being a tree if it lost its leaves?
01:00:17No.
01:00:18Would it stop being a tree if its leaves were a different color?
01:00:23I guess not.
01:00:24No, of course it wouldn't.
01:00:26Because a tree isn't defined by the little things.
01:00:28It's all about what's at the core, you know?
01:00:34You are still Ashley Jones.
01:00:36And Ashley Jones is a wonderful person, no matter what color her leaves are.
01:00:49Oh, you poor kid.
01:00:58I remember when I was your age.
01:01:01I thought I was all grown up, too.
01:01:06Hey.
01:01:10Hey, maybe I should do this interview.
01:01:15Really?
01:01:17Yeah.
01:01:19Maybe we'll find out the truth.
01:01:22Maybe I'll get famous.
01:01:24So in the end, Ashley's trap had worked perfectly.
01:01:27She had Evie right where she wanted her.
01:01:37There she is.
01:01:39There's my rock star.
01:01:41It's great to be back.
01:01:43Seriously.
01:01:44It's like our families reunited.
01:01:46You, me, makeup girl, gym.
01:01:51Welcome back.
01:01:52Thanks, Bruce.
01:01:54Talent's landed.
01:01:56The 5,000-year-old woman.
01:01:59500,000.
01:02:00Okay.
01:02:01This is gonna be great.
01:02:03There she is.
01:02:04There's my rock star.
01:02:07This is gonna be great.
01:02:08That's great.
01:02:09This is gonna be great.
01:02:10That's great.
01:02:11So great.
01:02:13Just then, Ashley realized she was having a crisis of conscience.
01:02:17What?
01:02:18No, I'm not.
01:02:19She felt guilty that she was doing whatever it took to get her old job back.
01:02:23It's not just a job.
01:02:24It's my life.
01:02:25It wasn't just her life.
01:02:26It was her integrity.
01:02:27Well, you know what?
01:02:29It's my life.
01:02:30It wasn't just her life.
01:02:31It was her integrity.
01:02:32Well, that's your opinion.
01:02:34Okay, so then you know that you're doing the right thing.
01:02:37Look, I don't see what the big problem is.
01:02:40Well, the big problem is that she hasn't gone through hair and makeup or wardrobe,
01:02:44and she's on in 30.
01:02:45You're a producer now.
01:02:47Yeah.
01:02:48That's great.
01:02:49That's great.
01:02:50No, that's not great.
01:02:52Why?
01:02:53You're taking advantage of Evie, you know.
01:02:55No, I'm not.
01:02:56Then what are you doing?
01:02:59Aren't we just giving a voice to someone who otherwise wouldn't be heard?
01:03:02That's right.
01:03:03Is it?
01:03:04I don't know.
01:03:05This is between you two.
01:03:07Yeah.
01:03:08Besides, this was all Bruce's idea.
01:03:10The wheel is already in motion.
01:03:11Are you honestly saying it's impossible to stop this if that were necessary?
01:03:15Okay, okay.
01:03:16I'll talk to Bruce.
01:03:25What happens if you don't do this interview?
01:03:27What happens is...
01:03:28Shh.
01:03:29Oh, sorry.
01:03:34What happens is...
01:03:37The choice for Ashley was perfectly clear.
01:03:40Look, it's not just black and white.
01:03:42Black or white?
01:03:44I haven't decided yet.
01:03:45The choice was clear.
01:03:47It was time to talk to Tiffany.
01:03:49You have some nerve coming back here.
01:03:51Look, I'm really sorry.
01:03:52Yeah, I bet.
01:03:53Not really.
01:03:54I need you to believe me that I wasn't trying to...
01:03:56Look, if it's not about work, I don't want to hear it.
01:03:59Okay.
01:04:00I just wanted to talk to you about this interview.
01:04:02No.
01:04:03You changed.
01:04:04She might have had something there.
01:04:06Yeah.
01:04:07Larry dumped you, and then you got jealous of me and Dwayne.
01:04:11Nah, she lost it.
01:04:12Lunch order for Tiffany?
01:04:15But I will say this.
01:04:16He's not just some beefcake.
01:04:18He's smart and sensitive and deep and smart.
01:04:22Ni hao, amigos.
01:04:24Tiffany looked for something crushing to say to her amigo Ashley.
01:04:28You suck.
01:04:31Though it wasn't as crushing as she had hoped.
01:04:35Okay, okay.
01:04:36How about this?
01:04:37Why don't you just go talk to her?
01:04:38Who?
01:04:39Tiffany?
01:04:42I can't.
01:04:43I'm really busy.
01:04:44Well, it kind of seems like you're just using her.
01:04:47No, I'm not.
01:04:55See?
01:04:56She wants to do this.
01:04:57Uh-huh.
01:04:59Look, I'm the victim here.
01:05:01I only lost my job in the first place because something happened to me that I couldn't control.
01:05:05But you can control this.
01:05:07Yep, he's right.
01:05:08It's indefensible.
01:05:09Yep, he's right.
01:05:12Don't listen to him.
01:05:13You're getting everything you want out of this.
01:05:15You're getting your old life back.
01:05:17You're getting your job back.
01:05:19Not exactly.
01:05:20Close enough.
01:05:21It's a return to normalcy.
01:05:23Plus, I'm telling you, this will impress Larry.
01:05:26Right?
01:05:27Actually, yes.
01:05:28Because I...
01:05:29Yeah, okay.
01:05:30See?
01:05:31What about my integrity?
01:05:33It's not your integrity.
01:05:34It's your life.
01:05:36Yeah.
01:05:40So then your solution to all this is to...
01:05:42You know what?
01:05:43I'm not listening to you anymore.
01:05:44Go for Ashley.
01:05:45You're just trying to ignore the problem.
01:05:47Over.
01:05:48Copy that.
01:05:49No, I'm not.
01:05:50Yeah, you are.
01:05:52You're making the mistake of thinking that not facing the problem is a solution.
01:05:56But conflict avoidance is not synonymous with conflict resolution.
01:05:59Who are you?
01:06:00I'm Pat.
01:06:01You're fired.
01:06:02Oh, great.
01:06:04Don't you think they might laugh at her?
01:06:06Nobody's gonna laugh at her.
01:06:08It's gonna be great.
01:06:10Really?
01:06:11How do you think it'll make her feel when nobody believes her?
01:06:13She's old enough to make that call.
01:06:15Yeah, and how old is she again?
01:06:18I'm not the one you should be talking to.
01:06:20Tiffany's doing an interview.
01:06:21It's out of my hands.
01:06:22You have ten minutes to live.
01:06:24What?
01:06:25Yeah, the wound on your back got infected, so...
01:06:28Oh, no.
01:06:29Wait.
01:06:30Dr. Cunningham, thanks for coming.
01:06:32Sorry, wrong chart.
01:06:34What I meant to say was Tiffany has flu poisoning.
01:06:37How could this have happened?
01:06:39Hey, shouldn't the fridge be plugged in?
01:06:42Who cares?
01:06:44Wait, somebody else has only ten minutes to live?
01:06:48Excuse me.
01:06:52You got your job back.
01:06:54What?
01:06:55Tiffany's out. You're in.
01:06:57Oh.
01:06:58It's all in your hands now.
01:07:00You just have to do exactly what I say.
01:07:03And with that, Ashley knew exactly what she had to do.
01:07:07I'll do it.
01:07:11One question, okay?
01:07:13Look, I don't have time for this.
01:07:15Oh, sorry. Sheesh.
01:07:17Sheesh.
01:07:20One question.
01:07:21What?
01:07:23Why is she doing this interview?
01:07:25What do you mean?
01:07:26Honestly, why?
01:07:34License, everybody!
01:07:36My name is Evie, and I am 500,000 years old today.
01:07:41My name...
01:07:43My name is Evie, and I am 500,000 years old today.
01:07:48Today.
01:07:49My name is Evie.
01:07:54Oh, are you doing the interview?
01:07:56Yes.
01:07:58Oh, that's great.
01:08:00It's gonna be great.
01:08:01This is gonna be great.
01:08:02That's great.
01:08:03So great.
01:08:05How are you feeling? Are you nervous?
01:08:09I'm okay.
01:08:12Do you have any questions before we start?
01:08:15I guess not.
01:08:17Not really?
01:08:19We can talk about it.
01:08:21Do you have any concerns?
01:08:23Nah.
01:08:27I mean, how would you feel if they laugh if they don't believe you?
01:08:34Of course they're gonna laugh.
01:08:36Of course they're not gonna believe me.
01:08:39Then why are you doing this interview?
01:08:43Well, I just thought it would help you out.
01:08:47Okay, in five, four, three...
01:08:53Not again.
01:09:06Not again.
01:09:16Ask her her age.
01:09:23Ask her about her age.
01:09:28Ask me about my age.
01:09:34Okay, listen.
01:09:38There's not going to be an interview.
01:09:41But I can tell you this.
01:09:43This lady is a good, kind, thoughtful friend.
01:09:50Probably kinder than any of us.
01:09:53So don't believe her when she says she's 500,000 years old.
01:09:57I'm being honest.
01:09:59Maybe I don't.
01:10:03I know how easy it is to ignore reality.
01:10:07And the easiest way to ignore all of my own shortcomings is to make somebody else a target.
01:10:14So go ahead and laugh.
01:10:19But if you could be all more like her, the world would be a better place.
01:10:27Right?
01:10:38You suck.
01:10:43Should I cut?
01:10:49Evie?
01:10:51Hey, do you know where Evie went?
01:10:53No.
01:10:54Wait, didn't I fire you?
01:10:56No, no, that was somebody else.
01:11:01Ashley really was proud of herself this time.
01:11:04She stood up for her friend when she needed it the most.
01:11:07Dear Ashley, so long and thanks for everything.
01:11:10Don't waste your time looking for me.
01:11:13We'll never meet again.
01:11:16This wasn't the response that she had hoped for.
01:11:20Ashley wondered just what had gone wrong.
01:11:23Of course, Evie said she wanted to be left alone, but Ashley couldn't help retracing her steps.
01:11:33No, meatballs are normal.
01:11:36Really?
01:11:38Yeah, totally normal.
01:11:41Normal?
01:11:46Okay.
01:11:51Can we order the meatballs?
01:11:53No, the meatballs are poisoned.
01:11:57Oh.
01:12:02Seriously, leave me alone.
01:12:08Ashley was beginning to get the hint, but should she really not even try to look for her friend again?
01:12:16Yes, really, stop looking for me.
01:12:20Hey.
01:12:21Oh, hey.
01:12:22Listen, I just wanted to say a couple things.
01:12:26A, I wanted to apologize for being mean.
01:12:30B, I really liked your speech.
01:12:35C, is Dwayne just a good-looking meathead in a towel?
01:12:42Yes, I'm afraid so.
01:12:45Yeah, I know.
01:12:52Is Dwayne just a good-looking meathead in a towel?
01:12:56Yes, I'm afraid so.
01:12:58Dwayne was shocked to realize that, well, no, he didn't really learn anything.
01:13:05But he was good-looking.
01:13:07He's good-looking, though.
01:13:09Yeah, I know.
01:13:19I guess that's that.
01:13:20Yes, I guess that was that.
01:13:25So in the end, Ashley learned that some things drift in and out of your life with no real reason or purpose.
01:13:33And nothing you do, or don't do, makes that much of a difference.
01:13:38But that's what it means to be an adult.
01:13:40You just sort of do things.
01:13:42And the best conclusion you can hope for isn't very satisfying because you can't understand it.
01:13:47And you really shouldn't even try.
01:13:50And then things don't go anywhere for a while until they just sort of end.
01:14:08Hello?
01:14:09Edie may only have moments to live.
01:14:13Are you sure you have the right chart?
01:14:15Yeah, I'm afraid so.
01:14:17Look, I probably shouldn't be telling you this because of confidentiality reasons, but it's an emergency.
01:14:23So I need to let you know.
01:14:25A while back, we diagnosed her with a rather persistent, rather severe delusional disorder.
01:14:32And we've had her up on our psych ward multiple times for repeatedly trying to kill herself.
01:14:38She was here three weeks ago.
01:14:39Ashley was in a panic.
01:14:41She had retraced her steps, but she—
01:14:43Wait.
01:14:52Filling her pockets with rocks, our other heart-sick heroine decided to walk into the ocean and end it all.
01:14:59Which makes sense, because I remember when life first crawled out of there.
01:15:05Edie!
01:15:08Oh, great. Not again.
01:15:14Can we talk?
01:15:16No.
01:15:17Please don't do it.
01:15:21I stood up for you.
01:15:24Actually, sweetheart, you told everyone that you don't believe me.
01:15:30I said maybe I don't.
01:15:32Okay, so what do you think?
01:15:38The doctors said that I think—
01:15:40Ashley, I know what the doctors think.
01:15:44I'm just feeling very old.
01:15:47And very tired.
01:15:50And very ready for things to be over.
01:15:56Okay, you are allowed to feel that.
01:16:01Oh, thank you.
01:16:05What do you want me to say?
01:16:08I'm not going to tell you what to say.
01:16:11I'm not going to speak for you. I'm not going to say repeat after me.
01:16:18Listen.
01:16:20I don't believe that you're 500,000 years old.
01:16:23No one does.
01:16:27And I know how lonely that makes you feel.
01:16:31But you're not alone.
01:16:34We could still be friends.
01:16:38And as your friend, I don't want you to do this.
01:16:42Because I'll be all alone.
01:16:48Do you want to do that to me?
01:17:08Happy birthday to you.
01:17:11Happy birthday, dear Evie.
01:17:14Happy birthday to you.
01:17:17My first struggle with depression started when my third husband died.
01:17:22He fell into the La Brea Tar Pits.
01:17:25They have him on display now next to the Mammoth Thrones.
01:17:28Okay, Evie, let's fact check that.
01:17:31You're right.
01:17:33They put him over by the bathroom.
01:17:37Ashley Jones was finally at peace.
01:17:40Perhaps it was time to embrace her new life.
01:17:43Difficulties and all.
01:17:45Older and wiser, she could no longer yearn for the comfortable days of normalcy.
01:17:50But instead, she should embrace what life had now brought her.
01:17:54Difference, see.
01:17:57Perhaps Ashley Jones now stood on the threshold
01:18:00Perhaps Ashley Jones now stood on the threshold
01:18:03of a new world of exciting possibilities.
01:18:06Yes, perhaps a little luck was finally headed her way.
01:18:11You have got to be kidding me.
01:18:38No, I'm not kidding.
01:18:40It was all strange, but all true.
01:18:42And this is the fate of man.
01:18:44To endure the vicissitudes of destiny,
01:18:47endlessly wrestling with the supreme complexity of existence.
01:18:50Then again, why take my word for it?
01:18:53I'm just a potato.
01:19:10I'm just a potato.
01:19:40I'm just a potato.
01:20:04Let me get this straight.
01:20:06Who was that American who got her American accent?
01:20:36Who was that American who got her American accent?
01:20:38Who was that American who got her American accent?
01:20:40Who was that American who got her American accent?
01:20:42Who was that American who got her American accent?
01:20:44Who was that American who got her American accent?
01:20:46Who was that American who got her American accent?
01:20:48Who was that American who got her American accent?
01:20:50Who was that American who got her American accent?
01:20:52Who was that American who got her American accent?
01:20:54Who was that American who got her American accent?
01:20:56Who was that American who got her American accent?
01:20:58Who was that American who got her American accent?
01:21:00Who was that American who got her American accent?
01:21:02Who was that American who got her American accent?
01:21:04Who was that American who got her American accent?
01:21:06Who was that American who got her American accent?
01:21:08Who was that American who got her American accent?
01:21:10Who was that American who got her American accent?
01:21:12Who was that American who got her American accent?
01:21:14Who was that American who got her American accent?
01:21:16Who was that American who got her American accent?
01:21:18Who was that American who got her American accent?
01:21:20Who was that American who got her American accent?
01:21:22Who was that American who got her American accent?
01:21:24Who was that American who got her American accent?
01:21:26Who was that American who got her American accent?
01:21:28Who was that American who got her American accent?
01:21:30Who was that American who got her American accent?
01:21:32Who was that American who got her American accent?
01:21:34Who was that American who got her American accent?
01:21:36Who was that American who got her American accent?
01:21:38Who was that American who got her American accent?
01:21:40Who was that American who got her American accent?
01:21:42Who was that American who got her American accent?
01:21:44Who was that American who got her American accent?
01:21:46Who was that American who got her American accent?
01:21:48Who was that American who got her American accent?
01:21:50Who was that American who got her American accent?
01:21:52Who was that American who got her American accent?
01:21:54Who was that American who got her American accent?
01:21:56Who was that American who got her American accent?
01:21:58Who was that American who got her American accent?
01:22:00Who was that American who got her American accent?
01:22:02Who was that American who got her American accent?
01:22:04Who was that American who got her American accent?
01:22:06Who was that American who got her American accent?
01:22:08Who was that American who got her American accent?
01:22:10Who was that American who got her American accent?
01:22:12Who was that American who got her American accent?
01:22:14Who was that American who got her American accent?
01:22:16Who was that American who got her American accent?
01:22:18Who was that American who got her American accent?
01:22:20Who was that American who got her American accent?
01:22:22Who was that American who got her American accent?
01:22:24Who was that American who got her American accent?
01:22:26Who was that American who got her American accent?
01:22:28Who was that American who got her American accent?
01:22:30Who was that American who got her American accent?
01:22:32Who was that American who got her American accent?
01:22:34Who was that American who got her American accent?
01:22:36Who was that American who got her American accent?
01:22:38Who was that American who got her American accent?
01:22:40Who was that American who got her American accent?
01:22:42Who was that American who got her American accent?
01:22:44Who was that American who got her American accent?
01:22:46Who was that American who got her American accent?
01:22:48Who was that American who got her American accent?
01:22:50Who was that American who got her American accent?
01:22:52Who was that American who got her American accent?
01:22:54Who was that American who got her American accent?