Dana B | Dana Learns
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00:00How are you? You look great.
00:01I feel stylish for like the first time in a long time.
00:04Yeah, well you're rocking those Nautica threads like an absolute champ.
00:07Like this?
00:08Big pockets for you to sneak candy into movie theaters.
00:12Bring a couple of yodels with you.
00:14Some, uh, fucking, what are those things?
00:17Twinkies.
00:18Yep.
00:19You look good as well.
00:20Thank you. I feel really festive, cozy, and Christmassy and all that
00:25in this beautiful holiday season thanks to Nautica.
00:28Go to Nautica.com to shop for all your holiday gifts right now.
00:31Have you ever been in a car accident?
00:33I've scraped somebody in a U-Haul in New York City.
00:37How'd you handle it?
00:38I left a note and I said I'm really sorry because I had to leave.
00:41Here's my number.
00:42They texted me and they said it's all good.
00:44And that's what you get for leaving a note.
00:46Yeah, I'm not a hit and run guy.
00:48You're a hit and walk guy.
00:49Come on, dude. Come on. We're gonna start with that?
00:53That might be the best joke I've ever told on this show.
00:56We're gonna start off like that?
00:58Fuck me.
01:00When was the last time that you brushed up on how to navigate an intersection in a car?
01:05I just do it. I don't think.
01:07I have driven with you.
01:09You hold your phone with your GPS with one hand and drive with the other.
01:14Yeah, I'm one of these guys.
01:16Well, I've also seen men put their phone on their lap,
01:19which I always worry about because I think that's gonna fry your sperm.
01:22My sperm's done.
01:23From all those high school sleepovers you and your buddies would have
01:26where you would take turns punting each other in the dick.
01:28We would watch porn and see who got a boner first with Viagra.
01:34You'd all take Viagra?
01:36It'd be like four of us chilling and be like,
01:38all right, try not to get a boner.
01:40As an eighth grader?
01:41Sit in the living room and see who got hard last.
01:43And that person was gay?
01:46Boys being boys.
01:47The winner?
01:48The winner didn't get a boner, yeah.
01:50Did you ever win?
01:51I don't recall.
01:52I was always popping them pretty quick.
01:54No surprise there.
01:55None of us turned out to be gay either,
01:57so it was just an experiment, I guess.
01:59Well, so far as we know.
02:01How did we get to this?
02:02You got us to it.
02:04You do this.
02:06I'm trying to talk about safe driving practices.
02:10Let's say that you're at a four-way intersection.
02:13Yep, yep.
02:15Ever been in one of these?
02:16Several million times.
02:18Let's say that you have a car here.
02:22Looks like a pickle.
02:23And you got a car here.
02:25Or a Twinkie.
02:26Let's say that these two cars arrive
02:28at exactly the same time at this intersection.
02:31Or a sub sandwich.
02:32Stop.
02:34Who has the right of way?
02:36The one who's going parallel.
02:38What does that mean?
02:39This.
02:41I think it's just whoever gets there the millisecond quicker.
02:48It's a snap judgment.
02:49It is the car that is the farthest to the right.
02:53Huh.
02:54Which would mean this car.
02:56Because he has more space to work with.
02:59I don't know if that makes any sense.
03:02It does.
03:03Well, right.
03:04I don't know, man.
03:06I don't know why I try to make some of your stuff make sense.
03:09This guy's stuck in no man's land.
03:11This guy has all this space over here.
03:14That was not a fart.
03:15Let's say that we've got four cars here.
03:19I can't help but just think of food right now.
03:22Like, those look like potatoes.
03:24I don't even know why you feel like you need to share that
03:27because I think everyone assumes that about you.
03:29Any thoughts on the order here?
03:37No.
03:38Okay.
03:39People should yield to the most aggressive driver.
03:43I was going to say, let the scariest looking person go first.
03:46There's a guy in a pickup truck.
03:48Spiked testicles knocking together off the back.
03:52Crew cut.
03:53And a sticker that says, my child shot your honor student.
03:57Let the scariest guy go first.
03:59And then we adhere to the remaining rules,
04:01which is to say the same rules apply.
04:04Farthest car to the right goes.
04:06I feel like we go in the order of how they arrive.
04:09And if you go ahead of the person,
04:11you're an asshole and you deserve to be punched.
04:13I do a lot of this, though.
04:15A lot of waving.
04:16I let people go all the time.
04:18Go ahead, flash the lights a little.
04:20I had a legally blind friend in high school
04:22who would always get in accidents in the parking lot.
04:24Why was he driving?
04:25He's allowed to drive, he just has bad eyes.
04:27Do you think legally blind means legally allowed to drive
04:32in spite of being blind?
04:33I don't know.
04:34I guess maybe he was illegally driving.
04:36Yeah, I would think that legally blind
04:38technically corresponds with illegally driving.
04:42I don't know.
04:43He drove us everywhere.
04:45He would always buy us calzones.
04:46He was the guy.
04:47He was the guy.
04:48We would use his dad's credit card to buy calzones.
04:51And he'd drive us around to parties.
04:53Special Nick.
04:54He was the designated driver?
04:56No.
04:57So you let the legally blind guy get behind the wheel.
05:01Who's our best bet?
05:03Let's let Nick do it, though.
05:05Because his dad buys us calzones.
05:11Honestly, sometimes the things you say,
05:13I don't even know how you're still alive.
05:17I don't know how you got here.
05:20That's Intersection Stana.
05:22Thanks to Nautica.
05:24And get all of your holiday gifts at nautica.com.
05:27Appreciate it, Brownie.
05:29Good luck.
05:30Drive safe.