Frank The Tank
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🥇
SportsTranscript
00:00This whisk didn't explode.
00:03What the heck?
00:04Come on, man.
00:05Well, fuck.
00:06When I put it in, I was like, fuck it.
00:08I expect a roasting pan to hold everything in the roasting pan,
00:13not leak.
00:17All right, Frank.
00:18Where are we headed?
00:19Fairway.
00:20We're going to get ready.
00:21It's going to be Thanksgiving.
00:22We're doing Thanksgiving.
00:24What's on the menu?
00:25Well, we're making a turkey, mashed potatoes, green bean casserole.
00:29Sweet potato casserole.
00:32Candy yams.
00:34Stuffing, of course.
00:36You name it.
00:38What are some of the key ingredients for really good Thanksgiving food?
00:42You got to get your turkey.
00:43So to get your fresh turkey, it's not going to take forever to cook.
00:46I mean more like the spice, because you're the spice master.
00:48You know, I don't use that many spices, considering.
00:51I use accents.
00:53You use accent on turkey?
00:55Well, in the stuffing.
00:56The thing is, I'm not going to eat a fucking thing you cook.
00:59Only an idiot in this building would do such a thing.
01:02It's going to come out good.
01:04I'm sure.
01:05I like doing the cheesecloth method.
01:07You put cheese in the turkey?
01:09Not cheese, cheesecloth.
01:10What's cheesecloth?
01:12It's cheesecloth.
01:13Oh, but cheesecloth is cheesecloth.
01:15Thank you for the explanation.
01:16It's a cloth that is used to make cheese.
01:21Thank you, sir.
01:23Wow.
01:24Did you say thank you?
01:26What?
01:27You feeling okay?
01:29Is the cheesecloth the Frank the Tank specialty, or is this common?
01:33I saw it, and Martha Stewart put the recipe out.
01:37Oh.
01:38How long have you been watching Martha?
01:40I just saw the, someone told me about the cheesecloth method.
01:43I looked it up, and it's all over the internet.
01:45How many good turkeys have you made?
01:47They're usually pretty good.
01:48And who are the judges?
01:49My uncle.
01:51Who else?
01:52That's it.
01:53So in the barstool office, because we don't have a ton of huge people,
01:57I think a good way to look at it, whether you cooked it well or not,
02:00is if people go back for seconds.
02:02Yes.
02:03I always prefer a good russet potato.
02:06They make the best mashed potatoes.
02:10Let's see, garlic powder.
02:12Where's the garlic powder at?
02:16Oh, it's farther out.
02:17Oh, this is the turkey breast, where's the actual turkey?
02:19You're getting more than four?
02:21Might need a fifth one.
02:22Horrifying, Frank.
02:23You're going to use all of it?
02:25All right, we just got to find turkey and turkey gravy.
02:28Unbelievable.
02:29What, do they hate Thanksgiving here?
02:31Why do you hate 28th Street so much?
02:33It's just a fugazi forest.
02:35Go on.
02:36You have all these friggin' plants out on the street.
02:38The sidewalk's as narrow as they are, and you have all these friggin' plants
02:41you have to go through.
02:42All right, we're getting Thanksgiving together.
02:44We still have to find the fuckin' bird, of course.
02:47Frank, do you have any statement for anybody that might be left
02:50with some tolerance going into this?
02:52I cannot, don't know how to make turkey without grated butter.
02:56But don't worry, it's only a little bit of butter in the base thing.
03:00It's butter in the mashed potatoes.
03:02It's butter in the candied yams.
03:05Other than that, I don't use any butter.
03:08So there's butter in everything other than nothing.
03:11Right.
03:12Butter makes it better.
03:15I'll just double check and make sure there's nothing else I need.
03:17Double check what?
03:18My brain.
03:20Stop number two.
03:21Fairway didn't have any turkeys.
03:22How do you fuckin' not have any goddamn motherfuckin' turkeys?
03:25It's not that badly frozen, so.
03:27That's what I'm saying.
03:30I think a nine-pound turkey actually would work out.
03:32You know what?
03:33We don't want it to take forever to cook.
03:38Good ball security.
03:39Frank, what's the best part of Thanksgiving?
03:41The turkey.
03:43I know you're big on organization and cleanliness.
03:46What if Fight's kitchen is not up to your standard?
03:49It should be up to standard.
03:51Turkey for Thanksgiving!
03:59Happy Thanksgiving.
04:00Or should I say Thanksgiving.
04:02Yes, that's right.
04:03This year, I'm doing something special.
04:05I am making a turkey.
04:07I got some of the best people from New York helping me.
04:10We're going to be making a turkey for the office.
04:13Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.
04:14And we have to start off by doing the stuffing.
04:16So we're making a turkey, the whole nine yards, a full Thanksgiving meal.
04:21Except it's not Thanksgiving this year.
04:23It's Tanksgiving.
04:24Someone needs to take the turkey out, clean out the turkey, wash it out, rinse it.
04:31Do we have like a third job?
04:34I can do the turkey.
04:35You cut it.
04:36Okay, okay, okay.
04:38Meanwhile, I'll chop some celery.
04:40I got some broth cooking here to soften it up.
04:45Do we have another cutting board, perchance?
04:47We don't.
04:48Yeah, New York, you get all this luxurious space for the low, low price of $7,500 a week.
04:57So clean out the turkey, take out all the giblets, take out all the innards.
05:01Ew, those balls?
05:05Ah, no, those are gizzards.
05:07Oh, damn.
05:08You have a dog?
05:09Yes.
05:10They like to eat those?
05:11Yes, they love them.
05:12Fry them up, the dogs will love them.
05:14Let me pour this celery into the pot here and soften it up,
05:18like make it kind of like Carl Anthony Towns.
05:23What?
05:24All right.
05:25Yeah, this turkey looks good.
05:27So we just plate it, you put it into the...
05:30Oh, my God.
05:31Oh, it's got a turkey popper already.
05:33Good.
05:34Is this good?
05:35Yeah, it looks good.
05:36I'll start on making the cheesecloth.
05:41Now, the cheesecloth method is basically you have to soak a cheesecloth in broth and melted butter.
05:49We're going to pour in some broth, and then we're going to add some butter,
05:56because butter makes it better.
05:58How much butter are you putting in?
06:01I'm putting three sticks.
06:04Oh, I'm putting three sticks.
06:08Hell yeah.
06:09Oh, you haven't seen butter yet.
06:13Where do you see when I put the stuffing together?
06:16Does butter even normally go in stuffing?
06:18Oh, yeah.
06:20Um, gee, it doesn't have to, no.
06:23Yes, it does.
06:24Absolutely not necessary.
06:26Yes, it does.
06:28All right, we're going to peel, core, and chop these apples.
06:32You can try to peel the other apple, or when she's done, cut the apple.
06:35That might be the best idea.
06:36When this butter melts, we're going to be soaking our cheesecloth.
06:40This is kind of a scrawny-looking turkey, but you know what?
06:43I think it's going to be good because it's not going to take us long to cook.
06:46Let me start preheating this oven in the meantime.
06:49The first 20 minutes we have to cook at 450, and then the rest of it we cook at 325.
06:56Is that too loud?
06:59I'm just nervous. I'm about to smoke for a second.
07:01Yeah.
07:08What are you putting in the stuffing?
07:10Uh, onion, celery, apple.
07:13I'm going to need, uh, four eggs.
07:16I wish I had my Easy Egg Cracker.
07:19How many years have you been cooking, Frankie?
07:22I've been doing Thanksgiving now about 17 years.
07:26What year was your best, best performance?
07:28Might have been about a year ago when I started doing the cheesecloth method.
07:33And what's the difference?
07:34Just came out better.
07:37Frank, are you cutting that blade toward your thumb?
07:40It's a paring knife.
07:42Okay.
07:43I feel like I've lost something without my Easy Egg Cracker.
07:49Can you crack it without?
07:52Oh God, that's a crazy method.
07:54That's a crazy method.
07:58How do you crack eggs?
08:00Do you want me to help you?
08:02Yeah.
08:05You just stone-cold Steve Austin two eggs.
08:07How many eggs? Three?
08:08Four.
08:12That was good.
08:14You never stone-cold.
08:15That was a crazy method.
08:16Stone-cold. You did a stone-cold.
08:18Now one thing about Frank is he does not forget to season his food,
08:21which is a lot of, you know, a lot of white people get shit on for not seasoning their food.
08:26Not Frank.
08:27Not Frank.
08:29This is boiling. Where's my cheesecloth?
08:33Cheesecloth.
08:34Over here.
08:35Cheesecloth.
08:37It does smell good, I'll say that.
08:40It smells like a bunch of seasonings, but the butter smells good too.
08:47Oh, you haven't seen butter yet.
08:51Why do you keep, like, threatening us with butter?
08:53What's coming up with the butter?
08:55Now we take the cheesecloth that we have here and we toss it into this and let it soak in here for about five minutes.
09:03I feel like I'd never know what's coming next with this butter.
09:06That's everything with Frank.
09:08You know, you know how I usually do this at home?
09:12Show me. Yeah.
09:14Oh.
09:21This is how my mother's done it. This is how my grandmother did it.
09:25This is how Flemings have made stuffing for generations.
09:29Fist the stuffing.
09:31This feels so graphic, I can't.
09:35Oh my.
09:36Jam it in.
09:37I don't know if YouTube is going to allow that.
09:40Chunk of butter.
09:43First NC-17 Tanks Cooks.
09:46Fist the stuffing.
09:48Jesus, Frank.
09:49Stuff it in.
09:50See, for every fist of stuffing, you have to have a clump of butter.
09:53I'm telling you, I never know what's coming next with this butter.
09:57That's so much butter, Frank.
09:59First try.
10:10Maybe I could stick in the neck.
10:12No, the neck cavity is too small.
10:15Good thing I grabbed the neck.
10:23Is that another stick of butter?
10:25Oh my god.
10:26Another stick of butter just hit the turkey.
10:30Frank, man.
10:31You need it for the basting.
10:33Nobody needs that much butter.
10:35And you got butter in the cheesecloth too.
10:38Yep.
10:39Yep.
10:40You heard that right, bitch.
10:42And what about it, Hal?
10:44All right, now we take our cheesecloth out.
10:48All right, we'll just put that back on the stove.
10:50I'm going to still need it.
10:52All right, there we go.
10:55We still need this butter?
10:57Yep.
10:59Frank, how?
11:02It's buttery.
11:03We make everything buttery.
11:04Now we stick this into the oven.
11:06And for the first 20 minutes, we're going to cook it at 450.
11:12We're going to stick it in legs first.
11:14If it could fit legs first.
11:16If not, we'll just put it on its side.
11:24There we go.
11:26We have to save this.
11:28Because we're going to be pouring this in after the first 20 minutes and using it to baste.
11:36At 1054, we'll be lowering the temperature to 350.
11:42And pouring in the rest of that fine juice so we can start basting.
11:48Trust me, you're all going to love this stuffing.
11:55Frank, is this helping?
11:57Shut up!
12:00Shut up!
12:01Get control of your kitchen, bro!
12:04What the fuck is this?
12:05Damn cheese!
12:06Damn that whole thing!
12:08Frank, you've got to get control of the situation.
12:10I don't know, Frank!
12:12We don't have good equipment here!
12:15You can't cook anything in New York!
12:18That's why you have all these fucking cold turkeys out here!
12:20Don't call it me, I didn't make the building.
12:22No, it's Kathy Hoffel!
12:23Frank, the solution also is not to add more butter when the butter is cooking.
12:27No more butter, Frank.
12:28I don't know how to cook it without butter!
12:30Just stop adding more!
12:32But the pan's not as effective.
12:35So why the fuck is New York like that?
12:38All this environmentalist bullshit!
12:40This is what it causes.
12:43Environmentalists.
12:45This place is going to explode.
12:47What do you think?
12:49Come on, man.
12:50Well, fuck!
12:51When I saw the news, I was like, fuck it!
12:53I expect the roasting pan to hold everything in the roasting pan, not leak.
13:02No, 100% is the pan.
13:04And Kathy Hoffel.
13:05What's up, guys?
13:06Oh, hey!
13:09Oh, hey!
13:12You know what about?
13:13As I expected it to be.
13:15Yeah, the aluminum pan I used for the roasting pan.
13:21Yeah, Frank, I should know.
13:23That reaches New York's green energy centers.
13:27Oh, it's far away.
13:29All right, time to do some basting.
13:31It's all about that baste.
13:34Now, when we baste, we also rotate.
13:40Rotate the turkey, please.
13:43And there's the first baste.
13:44And we baste every 30 minutes.
13:47We'll also be cooking the mashed potatoes here.
13:50So it's time to peel the potatoes.
13:54Peel the potatoes.
13:56Peel the potatoes.
13:59For Thanksgiving, we'll be cooking in this pot.
14:03So I don't know if you want to wash that pot or...
14:05I can wash it, yeah.
14:08He said, get on that.
14:10Yeah, I don't know if somebody wants to do that or...
14:12One of the women?
14:14All right, time to fill this pot with water.
14:18And when we get ready to cook the potatoes, they'll be ready.
14:21All right, let's start getting this green bean casserole ready.
14:24Green bean casserole.
14:27Green bean casserole.
14:31Are we doing one at a time?
14:35No, how else are you supposed to cut them?
14:37What?
14:38How else are you supposed to cut them?
14:40Five at a time?
14:42And four at a time?
14:46We'll be adding in some cream of mushroom soup.
14:51Does it keep shape, Frank?
15:02This is physics, buddy.
15:06Do you want like a spoon?
15:08We might need a spoon.
15:18All right.
15:20Let me mix this up.
15:22Frank, you burning something back there?
15:26Where's that smoke coming from?
15:28The oven again.
15:31Oh, Frank.
15:34Uh...
15:39Should we all be doing it in the same direction?
15:44God damn it, Fleming.
15:48I cook it like this every time. I've never had it this smoky.
15:56Oh, shit.
16:00You cannot cook in New York.
16:02I've never had this happen before.
16:04It's this oven.
16:07Almost ready for me to go back in and start the...
16:11Give it another minute.
16:14It's perfect timing, you know. You know why?
16:16Why?
16:17Time to baste again.
16:18Oh, perfect timing for the baste.
16:22Start stretching.
16:23Wait, Frank, every time we baste, though, like, that shit happens again.
16:27Every time we baste, it's like smoking a pack of cigarettes.
16:30Well, if you have to baste, frankly, it's all about the baste.
16:35All right, in 30 minutes, I'm going to have to take off this cheesecloth.
16:39All right, time to make some candied yams.
16:42So we'll open up this can of candied yams.
16:46If the damn can opener actually fucking works.
16:49Are you kidding me?
16:52Are you fucking kidding me?
16:54Nope, now it's spinning its wheels again.
16:56Yeah.
17:01Thanks.
17:04You see, this is why I use an electric can opener.
17:06La, la, la, la, la.
17:09Making candied yams.
17:13Making candied yams.
17:16Don't want to be in a jam when you make the candied yams.
17:23Frank, what is that?
17:25It's butter. Butter makes it better.
17:27That's the motto. Yeah. Touché.
17:31Yeah.
17:39Where was this?
17:42Right there.
17:45That would have been a better pot.
17:48Now we sit and wait, and the next time we baste, in about 20 minutes,
17:52maybe 15 minutes,
17:54the cheesecloth comes off.
17:57It smells good.
17:59Hey, yep, now we cook it for another hour, maybe hour and a half,
18:04and it should be finishing.
18:06The skin's going to brown now.
18:09The insides are cooked decently,
18:11and that's what the cheesecloth method does.
18:15Excited to be here.
18:16Just got back from the doctor.
18:18First time going to the doctor in a while.
18:20Everything good?
18:21Nothing like getting a little blood.
18:22Nothing better than right before a guy touches your ball sack
18:26being like, so what's Dave Portnoy like?
18:28Oh!
18:29Yeah, I'm kidding. He's a good guy.
18:32How's it looking, Frank?
18:34We've had some issues, but it looks like it's doing all right.
18:39Is it cooking a little slower, Frank?
18:42Yeah, but it looks like we're in the red zone now.
18:47We're in the red zone.
18:4920 or 5? How close?
18:52Probably about 15.
18:55I understand the football analogy.
19:00All right, let's see.
19:15Frank, have we hit DEF CON 3 yet?
19:18Oh, we're there.
19:19We're in the middle of it?
19:20Oh, we're there.
19:24There we go.
19:31Mashed potatoes are ready.
19:36They said three ingredients in my mashed potatoes.
19:40I've never seen you say no to salt.
19:42Do you want to wash those off, Frank?
19:43That's crazy.
19:44I've never put salt in my mashed potatoes.
19:46That's something else. Amazing.
19:55All right, trying to get the rest of this stuffing out.
19:59You think you can get the stuffing out?
20:01I was just getting the ball board in.
20:03Okay, we're about five minutes away from everything being ready.
20:08Good work, Frankie.
20:10Very impressive.
20:11You just gotta finish the rest of it off when we get to the office.
20:13Were you scared when the tweets came out that there seemed to be a fire in the kitchen?
20:16No, I walked in. I saw all that.
20:18I let them in, and then I went to the gym, and I came back,
20:23and it was the literal Donald Glover meme.
20:25I walked in, there was smoke everywhere.
20:28Jax was fanning his jacket.
20:30It was chaos.
20:32That's the scene.
20:33Like, you couldn't see.
20:34It was just smoke as far as you could see.
20:36It was nuts.
20:38All right, this is the cranberry sauce.
20:41Basic, simple.
20:43You just take the can.
20:46You open the can.
20:47You open the can.
20:50We'll need, like, spoons and serving spoons,
20:52so let me find somebody to get that.
20:56And beat the fuck out of it until it slides out.
20:58All right, here we go.
21:00Time to carve the turkey.
21:02Time to carve the turkey.
21:05Hey, hey, hey.
21:06Time to carve the turkey.
21:09Okay.
21:13Let me see.
21:14Pull the legs off.
21:16There we go.
21:17You're dismembering that motherfucker.
21:24Think I'm getting the hang of it.
21:32I've never been good at cutting turkey,
21:34that's why I got the electric knife this year.
21:36Let's see how it works.
21:37Time to plate the meal.
21:40Time to plate the meal.
21:45Time to plate the meal.
21:49But let's see how this came out.
21:58All right, let's see how this all came out.
22:00Let's see how the mashed potatoes, of course.
22:05Always delicious.
22:07But you know, it's always all about the turkey.
22:10And the turkey looks really good, really tender.
22:15Classic fork suck, by the way.
22:24Mmm.
22:26Crushed it?
22:27I crushed it.
22:29Canned yams.
22:32And of course, you got to have the jelly cranberry sauce.
22:36Are you going to ask Gia what she thinks?
22:38About leaving.
22:40It's the lid.
22:43Mashed potatoes.
22:44Fire.
22:46Something good.
22:47Let me take a bite of the turkey.
22:49I'm going for a wing.
22:52If anyone's hungry, Frank made a turkey.
22:56Literally.
22:58It's good.
22:59Well, there you have it.
23:00Thanksgiving, a great success.
23:03So, manja manja, bon appetit, and happy Thanksgiving.
23:07Hopefully your Thanksgiving is as good as this one.
23:10And many more to come.
23:17I wish your stomach wasn't so feeble.
23:20Sorry, Frank.
23:22Because I think you'd enjoy this.