“What you are wearing is not acceptable in this office.” From stares to whispers, the struggle faced by women over what to wear is real.
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00:00Son, I can see your bra strap from here.
00:02He fixed my bra strap with his own hands and then said that
00:07you look like a good girl, don't do like this.
00:10I trust you but I don't trust the men on the street.
00:15What kind of clothes are you wearing?
00:17It's too long, right?
00:18I have heard that someone must have told this to a guy
00:22that don't do like this, don't do like that.
00:24I remember I was checked for what I was wearing was when I was 8.
00:30They would always be like these small statements, you know like
00:33you need to wear a longer top with those leggings,
00:35you need to wear a dupatta with that kurta.
00:39It's the age old, we're saying this for your own good.
00:42I trust you but I don't trust the men on the street.
00:54Son, I can see your bra strap from here.
00:58He fixed my bra strap with his own hands and then said that
01:08you look like a good girl, don't do like this.
01:11I will complain to your mom that you wear short skirts to excite boys in college.
01:16Excuse me, I said no short skirts in the college, please.
01:20There was a lady who had come to our house discussing all about religion
01:24and what's good, what's not good.
01:27She pointed out to my skirt, she said skirts like this take you to her lady diner.
01:33When I was living in Mumbai, I think a couple of years ago,
01:37I'd given this one top to a tailor near my house
01:40because it was really loose and it needed to be taken in from the side.
01:44And when I got back home and I tried it on,
01:46I noticed that he'd also pulled up the shoulders a little bit
01:50and sort of raised the neckline and it wasn't even that deep to begin with.
01:56And then there was this dress that I wanted him to make.
01:58It was a very pretty thin collar v-neck and he seemed very hesitant
02:04and I was like, what happened?
02:06She's like, it will be too deep.
02:09And then I ended up convincing him that I would wear an inner with the dress.
02:15I was stepping out for a friend's birthday party
02:17and I really wanted to wear this cute purple strap top with jeans.
02:21And I remember being told by my family at that time that straps are just not okay
02:27and I would either have to change out of it or cover it up with a jacket or a shrug.
02:32It was a classic work setting.
02:34This is a company I used to work for many, many years ago
02:38and I was called into the conference room by my head HR
02:43asking me to not wear what I was wearing on that day.
02:48She very bluntly told me that what you're wearing is not acceptable in this office
02:55because we've seen men look at you in this particular outfit.
03:00What I was wearing was a play suit, which was a little over my knees
03:05and over that I was wearing a green, like an oversized jacket on top.
03:10When I was working at the prominent research institutes in Delhi,
03:15we had gone for an outing and it was in April and it was really,
03:19the sun was on overhead and I decided to put a dupatta over my head.
03:24And one of my lab mates, she comes running to me and she says,
03:28take that off.
03:28And I was like, why? What's wrong with this?
03:31Like, no, your RPI doesn't like it.
03:34She doesn't like women being enslaved.
03:36And I was like, what's enslavement in a dupatta over my head?
03:40She's like, no, she wants modern and liberal women.
03:43It is true that even though some of us believe that women shouldn't be questioned
03:46about what they were wearing when something terrible happened to them, women are.
03:50I think what happened is on some level, I internalized that,
03:53okay, my body is the problem.
03:56That it is this deeply offensive, disgusting thing
04:01that needs to be covered up at all times.
04:04And I could be seen, but I had to be seen only under
04:08very specific conditions and in very specific ways.
04:11Is it just that I'm feeling comfortable in what I'm wearing?
04:15Or is it just comforting that nobody seems to have a problem with it?
04:18Did you ask these men why they were looking at me?
04:21Do you think that is acceptable?