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00:00Hello everybody, welcome back to the channel, my name's Kevin, I'm the Geek, you're watching
00:19Kevin the Geek and we're back for some more Benidorm.
00:23I think that it is only fitting, seeing as we have the return of Geoff Mulby, aka The
00:30Oracle, and his wonderful array of England branded paraphernalia he's worn over the couple
00:41of series that he's been on the show, it is only fitting that I wear my England top tonight.
00:46Well, I mean, it happened the day I'm recording this, England have managed to make their way
00:52through to the semi-final of Euro 2020 for beating Switzerland on penalties.
01:00Again, somehow we managed to make it difficult for ourselves and we'll be playing against
01:04Holland or the Netherlands on Wednesday night.
01:07But for today, we're back to Benidorm and I am so delighted that Geoff is back.
01:12I can't wait to see what else he gets up to and what kind of antics he has with the various
01:19different holidaymakers that are here on the show.
01:23And of course, Noreen's back as well.
01:24So let's check out series seven, episode number four.
01:28Morning.
01:29Morning.
01:30Oh, morning.
01:31Have you recovered?
01:32Recovered?
01:33From last night.
01:34Your Geoff, he got a bit upset.
01:35Did he?
01:36A little bit.
01:37Don't you remember?
01:38No.
01:39You mean the quiz, oh, you know how competitive he gets.
01:55Oh, yes.
01:56That wasn't him upset.
01:59He once met the bloke who sets the times crossword and he threw him under a bus.
02:04Threw him under a bus?
02:07Was it moving?
02:08Well, his wife got a bit teary.
02:11No, I meant was the bus moving?
02:13Oh, no, it were in the York Transport Museum.
02:17He's not a psychopath.
02:19Wow.
02:20I don't know.
02:21How's Ronald?
02:22Ronald?
02:23Your husband.
02:24Oh, you mean Donald?
02:25That's it.
02:26He's fine.
02:27He's on holiday in France.
02:28Oh.
02:29We nearly had a sunscreen.
02:30What side do you want your towel?
02:31Oh, I can't look.
02:32I can't look.
02:33I think I'll get some breakfast.
02:34My back's in absolute agony after last night.
02:35Morning.
02:36Morning?
02:37Who's that?
02:38Oh, that's Glyn.
02:39Donald's on holiday with his wife, Rhiannon.
02:40Oh, I see.
02:41So you've done like a swap.
02:42Yeah.
02:43Just for a week, you know.
02:44Oh, I'm sorry.
02:45I'm sorry.
02:46I'm sorry.
02:47I'm sorry.
02:48I'm sorry.
02:49I'm sorry.
02:50I'm sorry.
02:51I'm sorry.
02:52I'm sorry.
02:53I'm sorry.
02:54I'm sorry.
02:55I'm sorry.
02:56I'm sorry.
02:57I'm sorry.
02:58I'm sorry.
02:59I'm sorry.
03:00I'm sorry.
03:01I'm sorry.
03:02I'm sorry.
03:03I'm sorry.
03:04I'm sorry.
03:05I'm sorry.
03:06I'm sorry.
03:07I'm sorry.
03:08I'm sorry.
03:09I'm sorry.
03:10I'm sorry.
03:11I'm sorry.
03:12I'm sorry.
03:13I'm sorry.
03:14I'm sorry.
03:15I'm sorry.
03:16I'm sorry.
03:17I'm sorry.
03:18I'm sorry.
03:19I'm sorry.
03:20I'm sorry.
03:21I'm sorry.
03:22I'm sorry.
03:23I'm sorry.
03:24I'm sorry.
03:25I'm sorry.
03:26I'm sorry.
03:27I'm sorry.
03:28I'm sorry.
03:29I'm sorry.
03:30I'm sorry.
03:31Sausage!
03:45Oh, go away.
03:50Housekeeping!
03:52What are you doing?
03:54I said go away!
03:55Well I thought we needed a breakfast meeting.
03:57Oh!
03:58I've brought a selection of cereals, a jug of juice, and two full English.
04:01Very kind of you.
04:02Don't want an English breakfast?
04:04No, that's for me. Liam's brought you a croissant.
04:06No, he hasn't. We know you're watching your figure.
04:08How dare you burst in here? I could have been naked.
04:11Oh, don't worry about Liam.
04:12I know he looks 12, but you've seen it all before, haven't you?
04:14HE LAUGHS
04:15Now, I've spoken to the doctor and he says that you're doing OK,
04:18but he needs to know exactly what was in that injection.
04:21So I'm off to the Chinese shop with a box
04:22to see if he can translate the contents.
04:24I've cancelled all our appointments for today.
04:26You are our number-one priority.
04:28Liam, four sausages, are you trying to kill me?
04:30You asked for them.
04:33Oh, you're looking so much better than you did last night.
04:35I haven't slept a wink.
04:37I don't know what it is, but I can't help feeling partly responsible.
04:39Partly responsible? Partly.
04:41You've repeatedly injected my face with an unknown substance
04:46put from the Chinese pan shop.
04:48It's your rose. Shut up!
04:49Sorry. Oh!
04:51I could have been anything.
04:52I've just seen a woman on the internet who nearly died
04:55when her face was injected with petrol.
04:57Well, we wouldn't have done that.
04:59Not with the price of petrol these days.
05:01That's why I'm off to the shop, to get her translation.
05:03Oh, and remember, love, don't go in all guns blazing.
05:06There are very proud people, the Chinese,
05:08and they will be devastated if they've given us
05:10something dangerous by mistake.
05:14Konichiwa.
05:15Oh, is that the Kofi Annanabenedum?
05:18That's Japanese, not Chinese.
05:21Hold your shoulder.
05:22That's it. Get out, all of you. Get out!
05:24I just wanted to ask, while you're temporarily incapacitated,
05:28shall I assume the position of acting manageress?
05:31After the pig's ear you made of it last time, you must be joking.
05:35Somebody's got to be in charge,
05:37else we're all going to descend into chaos.
05:39This place is in chaos 24-7.
05:42Do you really think anybody's going to notice the difference?
05:45Now, get out!
05:47I mean, maybe, if you get the right person.
05:50SHE SIGHS
05:53I left you a sausage.
05:54That's it. Out!
06:00It's not actually bad, this food.
06:01You reckon?
06:02Well, there's plenty of it.
06:04Mind you, that's a problem with all you can eat.
06:06You keep wanting to go back for more, don't you?
06:08Yeah.
06:09Oh, back in a minute.
06:10Oh, God.
06:12She wants another bit of sausage.
06:13What's going on there, then?
06:14Aunty Terry shagged the barman last night.
06:16Oh, dear God.
06:18What's wrong with that?
06:20She's on a holiday, she's single.
06:22What if they try and sue us?
06:24Why would they sue us?
06:25I don't know. Mental anguish.
06:27THEY LAUGH
06:31What's it about last night?
06:32Don't worry about it. It's water under the bridge.
06:35You what? I accept your apology.
06:38It's not a problem.
06:39I didn't apologise.
06:41Oh. I was just going to ask you
06:42if you wanted to join me in making a formal complaint.
06:45About what?
06:46Basically, I'm on the board of directors
06:49for the UK pub quiz watchdog committee.
06:52Now, we don't have a lot of jurisdiction in Europe,
06:54but I'm pretty sure I can get a strongly worded caution
06:58emailed over to them by the end of today.
07:00What are you going on about?
07:01He wants to complain about the quiz last night.
07:04Basically.
07:05Basically?
07:06Oh, yeah, what, conducting a quiz without due care and attention?
07:10I think they should all be lined up against a wall and shot.
07:14And their families made to watch.
07:17Excellent. Glad we're on the same page.
07:19THEY LAUGH
07:21I'm Geoff. People call me the Oracle.
07:24Clive, this is my son, Tiger.
07:27Cool. Cool.
07:29HE SNORTS
07:30Maybe we can all grab a cold one together over lunch.
07:33Not often I meet someone who's this passionate about quizzing as myself.
07:36Yeah, lovely.
07:37Laters.
07:39Where's Chantal? Is she coming later?
07:42Or is she not coming at all?
07:44Oh, my God. What a dick.
07:47They'd be mean about Geoff.
07:49What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.
07:51I have never been to Vegas.
07:52No, I mean it's a saying.
07:54I know it is a saying, but I have still never been to Vegas.
07:56But I meant it about me and you last night in Benidorm.
08:00Why didn't you say in Benidorm?
08:02Because what happens in Benidorm stays in Benidorm, isn't it a saying?
08:05It's what happens in Vegas stays in...
08:08Bloody hell, you're hard work, you, ain't you?
08:10So are you, love.
08:11Be careful nobody hears this conversation.
08:13That is what I'm saying.
08:14I realise you can get in trouble, you know, for fraternising with the guests.
08:19So I'm here to tell you, you've got this one on tap.
08:23On tap?
08:24Yeah, baby.
08:25If you want another slice of mama's pie, you just call room service
08:28and I'll deliver it straight to your door, all hot and steaming.
08:34No questions asked.
08:35SHE LAUGHS
08:37..make me sleep with you so I can keep my job.
08:40So now I have eaten the pie and feel lucky
08:42I did not get food poisoning even though the pie was out of date.
08:45You can't say that to me. I want to speak to your boss.
08:48I don't believe it. Have you seen this email?
08:50Temple Savage has put you in charge.
08:53What? Oh, no, it's unbelievable.
08:56I'm the boss? Not exactly the boss, but, well, she's put you in charge
08:59while she's not feeling well.
09:01Excuse me, I have to leave right now, but if you have any complaints,
09:05well, make sure you ask for the boss.
09:09HE LAUGHS
09:10Leslie, I will be in my office.
09:12HE LAUGHS
09:14MUSIC PLAYS
09:17Oh, he got her!
09:19It is just not possible, sorry.
09:20What part of this are you having difficulty understanding?
09:23I want to exchange currency, money, you know? Money.
09:28Oh, my God, that is a Karen with a Karen Bob if I've ever seen one.
09:32And as the, er...
09:33Whoa!
09:35Whoa!
09:38Look at Matteo!
09:41Now, that...
09:42That is what you... HE COUGHS
09:45Excuse me, that is what you call being a boss.
09:47And looking like a boss to head boot...
09:50There is a complication.
09:51I need to exchange some money.
09:53I am begging your pardons.
09:55My name is Mr Castellanos.
09:57I am being the manager of the hotel.
09:59I am in charge of the hotel.
10:01The entire hotel.
10:03Manager, top position, there is nobody higher.
10:06Euros, I need euros.
10:08This is not being a problem.
10:10Please furniture me with the key of your room.
10:11I'm not staying at this hotel.
10:14Ah, then we have a slight drawbridge.
10:16The change of currency is only for residentials.
10:19May I suggest to try Locky Cave's money exchange
10:23in the caravan park?
10:25But the world of warning, he has the sticky fingers.
10:27If you don't change this money now,
10:29I'm going to take that donkey and shove it so far up your...
10:32What are you doing here?
10:34Liam.
10:35I wanted to surprise you.
10:38Go inside. I'll make us a cup of tea.
10:41Is that his mum?
10:42Do you know this crazy woman?
10:44Yeah, I do.
10:45She's my mother.
10:46Oh.
10:48He doesn't look happy to see her.
10:53Problem is not to translate,
10:55but I don't know the meanings of the words.
10:57You don't need a Chinese restaurant.
10:59You need a Chinese doctor.
11:00I know.
11:02Don't suppose you've got a doctor in your family, have you?
11:04Of course. My sister.
11:06But she is living outside of Benidorm.
11:08How far outside Benidorm?
11:10About 10,000 kilometres.
11:12She in China.
11:14Oh.
11:23I make joke.
11:25Hilarious.
11:26What are you doing?
11:27I'm taking me box back.
11:28Wait. Sit down.
11:31You are lucky man.
11:33I have incredible special ability with my sister.
11:37If I hold something in my hand, like this,
11:41she can see it, even though she in Beijing.
11:44How do you do that?
11:45It's called iPhone.
11:51Oh, my words.
11:53This is... This guy is as cheesy as he can hope to be.
11:57I send my email.
11:59She always answer in 10, 15 minutes.
12:02You want a buffet while you wait?
12:04No, I better not. I just had a very late break.
12:08Oh, bloody hell.
12:09That smells gorgeous.
12:12Oh, go on then.
12:13Just one plateful.
12:15OK.
12:16Email sent.
12:18Remember, Kenneth.
12:19Mr Wu's golden rule.
12:22Don't eat like a big fat pig.
12:24Or you put me out of business.
12:28Lunatic.
12:31He's a bit of a nutter, isn't he?
12:35There you go.
12:36Very strong, no milk or sugar.
12:38I try not to look too excited to see me.
12:40Mother, you don't return my emails.
12:42You never answer my texts.
12:43I gave up trying to ring you months ago.
12:45Excuse me if I'm not a bit surprised to see you tip up in Spain unannounced.
12:48Emails, texts.
12:49You know I don't understand them.
12:51I'm here to see you, love.
12:52I miss you.
12:54No, you don't.
12:56What do you want?
12:58Don't you speak to me like that.
13:00I'm your mother.
13:01Oh.
13:03Son, it's time to come home.
13:06I am home.
13:07This is where I live.
13:08You can't fritter your life away on your own in this dump.
13:11You need to be with a family.
13:13I'm with me dad.
13:14Yeah, from what I've heard about him,
13:16it's no wonder you're sitting here in a pinny doing women's hair.
13:19What does that mean?
13:20Look, I know I've not been in touch recently,
13:23but I've not had the time to ring him
13:25and my feet have hardly touched the ground.
13:27I've met someone.
13:29I'm very happy for you.
13:30Do you want a biscuit with that?
13:31He's called Mad Dog.
13:33Beautiful name.
13:34Well, his real name is Alan.
13:35Mad Dog?
13:36Naturally.
13:37But he's a real character.
13:38He's got his own debt-collecting business in Oldham.
13:41Earns 150k a year.
13:43You'd love him.
13:44He sounds a delight.
13:46Are you taking the piss?
13:47Mother, I live in Spain.
13:49I'm very happy.
13:50My boss Kenneth is like a brother.
13:52Me and me dad have never been closer.
13:54Life is here now.
13:55Alan says if you come back, he'll guarantee you a job
13:58and that's a job for life.
13:59People will always be in debt, son.
14:01Oh, what a lovely thought.
14:03Well, what do you say?
14:04A job collecting debts from people in Oldham
14:06with a man called Mad Dog.
14:07It's a dream come true.
14:0830k a year in your own van?
14:10You're not kidding.
14:11In answer to your previous question,
14:12yeah, I'm taking the piss.
14:14I'm not impressed with the way you've turned out, Liam.
14:16You must be surrounded by very bad influences.
14:19Could say the feeling's mutual.
14:20Whoa!
14:21That was an outrage, son.
14:23Matthew said you had a...
14:26a visitor.
14:28Well, well, well.
14:29I wouldn't have believed it
14:30had I not seen it with my own eyes.
14:32The great Les Conroy.
14:35Thank Christ,
14:36the people who came to our wedding can't see you now.
14:39Look in the mirror, Les.
14:41Just look at yourself.
14:43Call yourself a father.
14:44You're a disgrace.
14:46You look like a melting clown.
14:48It's good to see you, Gloria.
14:49You've lost weight.
14:51About 12 stone of ugly fat
14:52when I left you.
14:54And your hair's amazing, too.
14:56I'm jealous.
14:57You're a freak of nature.
14:59Your skin's looking good as well.
15:01You're really looking after yourself.
15:03Do you actually go out into the street
15:04looking like that?
15:06I don't know how long you're here for, Gloria,
15:08but for every negative,
15:10hurtful,
15:11poisonous thing you say to me,
15:13I'll try and say something positive to you.
15:15Because you think you're better than me?
15:17No.
15:18Because I live a wonderful life in the sunshine
15:20with a job I like
15:22and friends I cherish
15:24and a devoted son I adore.
15:26It only seems fair
15:28to try and give some of the love back.
15:31See you around.
15:32See you around.
15:47Drop the latch when you leave.
15:56Oh.
16:00Oh.
16:02Oh.
16:05That
16:07was one of the most beautiful scenes
16:10in this entire show.
16:14Wow, what a bitch.
16:17Oh, my word.
16:19I love Les
16:21and Leslie.
16:24Liam, I've always been a bit hit and miss with.
16:27Sometimes I really, really like him.
16:29Sometimes I'm a bit, ooh,
16:30a bit cringey.
16:32That moment where
16:34he stood up to his mother.
16:36Wow.
16:38Liam has grown some
16:40cojones, baby.
16:42Oh, my word.
16:44That was just incredible.
16:46And Leslie coming out
16:48and going, you know,
16:50for every nasty, hurtful thing you say,
16:52I'm going to try and give something back.
16:54I want to put some positivity into the world.
16:56We need more people like Leslie.
16:58Oh.
17:00Oh.
17:06Oh.
17:08Just around this corner,
17:10a little exercise won't do you any harm.
17:12Consider it a warm up.
17:14It's not the exercise I'm bothered about.
17:16It's just this path.
17:18It's so narrow
17:20that every time a lorry goes past,
17:22you look like you're either going to get sucked up
17:24or end up in somebody's bush.
17:26We're here.
17:28We're here.
17:31What's the date today?
17:33Oh, I don't know.
17:35It's the 15th.
17:37Oh, blast.
17:39There's a local league game on.
17:41What does that mean?
17:43It means we can't play.
17:45Oh, well, we'll just have to watch.
17:47What's that, football?
17:49Volleyball, something?
17:51Come.
17:52Look at Matteo.
17:54You wanted to see me, Miss Tempesavage?
17:56Yes, thank you, Matteo.
17:58I just wanted to...
18:01Everything is OK?
18:03Yes, everything's OK.
18:05You scrub that well.
18:07Scrub?
18:09It means you look very nice.
18:11Oh.
18:13I'm thanking your most kind words
18:15and your hospital gratitude.
18:17Hospital?
18:19I just wanted to check that you're OK
18:20being in charge.
18:22It's just for the day.
18:24Oh, I can persuade you to put
18:26all of your optical confidence inside me.
18:28Why are you talking like that?
18:30Like what?
18:32Rubbish.
18:34He's trying to be scaling mismanagement.
18:36I'm requiring the words of a higher calibre.
18:38But you're using all the wrong words.
18:40He's trying.
18:42You're not in the right order.
18:44Matteo, just be yourself, OK?
18:46OK, I will be myself.
18:48Good.
18:49Thank you for coming back.
18:51No problem.
18:53Oh, thank you, Miss Tempesavage,
18:55for this most auspicious opportunity.
18:57Just go away.
19:00Thank you.
19:02Thank you.
19:04Thank you.
19:06Thank you.
19:08I love Matteo.
19:19So what kind of building do you do?
19:21You name it, we build it.
19:24A pyramid?
19:26Eh?
19:28You said name it and we build it.
19:30No, I mean houses, flats,
19:32that sort of thing.
19:34It's a minefield, isn't it?
19:36Yeah, well, I've been in the game a long time,
19:38so I know my way round.
19:40No.
19:42I mean the English language.
19:44Right.
19:46What is it you do again?
19:47It's really difficult to put into actual words what I do.
19:50Which is ironic, really,
19:52because words are what I do.
19:54Right.
19:56I've no idea what you're talking about.
19:58No, me neither.
20:00I've been called a swami, a guru.
20:02I suppose a lot of people would say I'm a life coach.
20:04Really?
20:06My son could do with one of them.
20:08Any time you want me to speak to him,
20:10just say the word.
20:12I won't bother.
20:14I've tried that.
20:15You promote your own ideals and values.
20:17As Mr Miyagi said,
20:19there's no such thing as a bad student.
20:22Only a bad teacher.
20:24Well, I can't really blame these teachers.
20:26No.
20:28I mean you.
20:30Oh, thanks.
20:33A kid learns the most
20:35when he thinks he's not being taught.
20:37That is true.
20:39I'll give you a shout in a bit.
20:41Show you what I mean.
20:43Oh, God, this is going to go well, isn't it?
20:45Yeah, me neither.
20:51Kenneth.
20:53Kenneth.
20:56Kenneth!
20:58Oh, sorry, didn't hear you.
21:00That's OK.
21:02You were in what we call BSA,
21:04Buffet Suspended Animation.
21:06Food here at Mr Wu's
21:08so delicious
21:10it makes your taste buds work overtime
21:12and it affects other senses.
21:13Either that
21:15or you just picked that greedy pig.
21:17Wow.
21:19That's funny.
21:21That's twice you've called me that.
21:23You like the capitol chicken?
21:25Which one was that?
21:27It's this one.
21:29Oh, my God, that was gorgeous.
21:31What is in that red sauce?
21:33It's beautiful.
21:34It's secret.
21:36But whatever in it,
21:38you better wipe from around your mouth
21:40or you look like Buffet the Vampire.
21:41Yes, we got it.
21:43Yeah, very funny.
21:48So, what did your sister say?
21:50Oh, yeah, I forgot about that.
21:52Wait a minute.
21:54OK, what she say is
21:56she bought a new carpet for her living room
21:58but she want to change it.
22:00She also new car.
22:02Oh, she got a Buick.
22:04They must have got rid of their Citroen.
22:06The ingredients in the medicine.
22:08Wait a minute, I think she gets into that.
22:10Oh, her friend Lucy got a new dog.
22:13Oh, that's why she want to change carpet.
22:16Mr. Wu, for God's sake, I've got to get back to work.
22:18Check yourself before you wreck yourself.
22:20You were not in hurry when you chomping
22:22on Mr. Wu's pork balls, huh?
22:24That does sound funny.
22:26Sounds dirty.
22:28They're Jack Lee but like Mr. Wu's pork balls.
22:31OK.
22:33Oh, content is basically
22:35canine drug used to cause
22:37temporary paralysis for medical reasons.
22:40Did you just say canine?
22:42Oh.
22:44Oh, God.
22:45Oh, dear.
22:46What have you been using this for?
22:48I injected it into me boss's face.
22:56That one deserves the laugh.
23:02No, no, serious.
23:04What did you do with this?
23:06Oh, shit.
23:08Thanks, Mr. Wu.
23:09I better get back and bring that doctor again.
23:11Kenneth, he's not a doctor you need.
23:13What you need is a vet.
23:17Oh, God.
23:19Hey, no, six euro for the buffet.
23:21Kenneth, I haven't got my bum bag with me.
23:23I'll pay you tomorrow.
23:25He eat enough for five people
23:27and he pay for nothing.
23:29Typical.
23:32He's not a doctor you need.
23:34He's a vet.
23:36I've just realized
23:37my laugh is a little bit like Mr. Wu's, isn't it?
23:44Why is this game?
23:45That's a great game, Hunter.
23:47And they take it so seriously.
23:51Nearly took me out.
23:53Nearly took me head off.
23:55If you're in the crowd,
23:56you're legally part of the game.
23:58I once saw a supporter
24:00screaming from the stands
24:02when the ball whizzed across the court
24:04and he swallowed it.
24:06The things those players did
24:08to that poor man to get their ball back
24:10made my eyes water.
24:12Mind his.
24:15Oh, dear, oh, dear.
24:17This does not look good.
24:19What's he saying?
24:21He's saying,
24:23my uncle, my uncle.
24:25What do you think's wrong with him?
24:27I think he's hurt his uncle.
24:30Oh, what's going on now?
24:32Well, that man wants his sub
24:34to carry on,
24:36but the official is saying he can't
24:38because he isn't from Pollock.
24:40Isn't from what?
24:42Pollock. It's a local village.
24:43This matches between
24:45Pollock and Benidorm.
24:54I live in Pollock.
24:56You lived in Wales.
24:58You live in Pollock?
25:00Yes, my wife and I just moved there.
25:02OK.
25:04Looks like you're going to get a game last night.
25:06Hurry up.
25:08He better be good.
25:10Come on, Glenn.
25:11Thank you.
25:15Oh, thank you.
25:19I still have no idea
25:21what this game is.
25:23She's excited.
25:25Your husband, he can play?
25:27Well, he's very good at volleyball,
25:29but he's in France.
25:31Oh,
25:33that's his husband.
25:35Oh, yeah.
25:37He's really good.
25:39Go on.
25:41Go on.
25:55Maybe not.
26:04You did.
26:08Hello.
26:11You are not here on your own, are you?
26:14Well, not really.
26:16I'm visiting my son.
26:17Oh, I see.
26:19I'm just scouting around
26:20for a ping pong partner.
26:22I'm sorry.
26:24I'm here with my son, too.
26:27But he's very competitive,
26:29whereas I just love
26:31being knee deep in chat.
26:34What?
26:35Knee deep in what?
26:36Chat.
26:37Oh, banter.
26:38Oh, right.
26:39Can I ask you a question?
26:41Fire away.
26:42As a customer at this hotel,
26:44do you think that's right?
26:45Yes.
26:46Absolutely.
26:47Do you think what's right?
26:48One hundred percent.
26:49Staff being allowed to dress up like
26:50pantomime dames.
26:52Do you know
26:53who the best dame
26:55in the business was?
26:57Er...
26:58Danny Larue.
26:59No, um...
27:00A close personal friend
27:01of my late husband.
27:02Christopher Biggins.
27:03Yeah.
27:04Well, that is my late husband.
27:06So how do you think I feel?
27:08I don't know how you feel.
27:11You certainly sound
27:12pretty angry to me.
27:15I reckon if what you do
27:17makes you happy
27:19and it isn't hurting anyone else,
27:22go for it.
27:23Well, wouldn't it be wonderful
27:24if we could all go through life
27:26with rose-tinted spectacles
27:27like you?
27:28Fuck off.
27:30Yeah.
27:32Yes, it would.
27:33Yes, it would.
27:34Let's...
27:35We need to talk.
27:36I don't think we have
27:37anything to say to each other.
27:38If you genuinely care
27:39about our son,
27:40you'll listen to
27:41what I have to say.
27:42I'm listening.
27:43Not here.
27:44Somewhere private.
27:47It's got to be said
27:48that is the one
27:49and only
27:50character
27:51in this show
27:52who I
27:53absolutely
27:54utterly
27:55despise.
27:57Like,
27:58there's been characters
27:59on this show
28:00that I've never met
28:01and I've never
28:02seen.
28:03I've never met
28:05There's been characters
28:06on this show
28:07who I'm just like,
28:08meh,
28:09they're okay
28:10or I don't necessarily
28:11like them
28:12but no,
28:13this bitch?
28:14Hell no.
28:15She
28:16is against
28:17everything
28:18I stand for.
28:20You know,
28:21just wanting people
28:22to be
28:23themselves,
28:24to be fun,
28:25to
28:26enjoy life.
28:28She
28:29is the
28:30biggest
28:31Karen
28:32ever.
28:33She's got
28:34the haircut
28:35for it.
28:36She's got the
28:37mannerisms for it.
28:38She's got the
28:39attitude for it.
28:40Oh,
28:41you know what?
28:42I hope she calls
28:43for the manager
28:44and Joyce
28:45puts her in her place.
28:53Follow me.
28:54You know what?
28:55We need Janice back
28:56so she can just
28:57headbutt her.
29:03What?
29:04Is he doing a bit of yoga?
29:13Listen,
29:14I'm going back.
29:15What are you talking about?
29:16This is for your benefit.
29:17My benefit?
29:18How do you work that out?
29:19This is
29:20character building.
29:21Oh,
29:22there you are.
29:23What's going on?
29:24He's going to walk across
29:25burning hot coals.
29:26Oh,
29:27no.
29:28Jeff,
29:29not with your
29:30bonnier.
29:31Oh,
29:32bonnier.
29:33Please listen
29:34to me, son.
29:35He can't
29:36hear you.
29:37He's in some
29:38sort of trance.
29:39This is going to
29:40go so badly wrong.
29:49This is going to
29:50go wrong, isn't it?
30:00It's stuck
30:01in my butt.
30:04All right,
30:05that's enough.
30:06We need some salad, Tom.
30:07Jump in the pool.
30:11Get out of the way.
30:16There you go.
30:31What are you
30:32lot looking at?
30:37Poor Jeff.
30:47Oh,
30:48I hope he didn't
30:49have a phone in his
30:50pocket.
30:56I'm listening.
30:57I'll come to the
30:58point.
30:59I've offered
31:00Liam a job,
31:01a flat,
31:02and a new life
31:03in the UK.
31:04I could see he was
31:05tempted,
31:06very tempted.
31:07No, he wasn't.
31:0830 grand a year plus
31:09pension,
31:10not to mention a
31:11company car.
31:12But he didn't
31:13take it,
31:14and I know why.
31:15Because he's got
31:16a life here.
31:17You may dress
31:18like a fool,
31:19Les,
31:20but don't
31:21act like one.
31:22What sort
31:23of a life
31:24is this?
31:25Scrambling around
31:26trying to make
31:27ends meet,
31:28living off all
31:29the money,
31:30you.
31:31He's a grown
31:32man,
31:33he does what
31:34he wants to do.
31:35Oh,
31:36wake up and
31:37smell the coffee,
31:38Les,
31:39there's nothing
31:40for him here.
31:41I'm here.
31:42And what an
31:43example you are
31:44to him.
31:45Yes,
31:46you are!
31:47I'll call him up
31:48and go if he
31:49doesn't want to.
31:50No,
31:51you're wrong.
31:52Don't ask me
31:53to explain why,
31:54but he'd do
31:55anything for you.
31:56I won't
31:57do it.
31:58What's it?
31:59£10,000.
32:00It's
32:01yours.
32:02Convince
32:03him he
32:04has to go
32:05back and live
32:06in the UK.
32:07You've
32:08got to be
32:09cute.
32:10This way
32:11you get what's
32:12best for both
32:13of you.
32:14I couldn't look
32:15him in the eye
32:16and tell him
32:17I didn't
32:18want him
32:19here.
32:20So write
32:21him a letter.
32:22£10,000
32:23is a lot
32:24of money.
32:25You
32:26could sort
32:27out your finances
32:28and still
32:29have plenty
32:30to live on.
32:31Take the
32:32money and tell
32:33her to
32:34fuck off.
32:35I
32:36can't.
32:37Les,
32:38denying
32:39yourself £10,000
32:40makes you
32:41an idiot,
32:42but denying
32:43your only
32:44son the
32:45life and
32:46career he
32:47deserves
32:48makes you
32:49something
32:50much,
32:51much
32:52worse.
32:53It's
32:54not about
32:55money,
32:57it's about
32:58your son.
32:59Look at
33:00your life
33:01now.
33:02Is this
33:03what you
33:04want for
33:05your son
33:06when he's
33:0760?
33:08Oh,
33:09there's
33:10one thing
33:11more.
33:12For the
33:13remaining time
33:14that Liam's
33:15still here,
33:16you stop
33:17all this
33:18ridiculous
33:19dressing up.
33:20It's
33:21one thing
33:22embarrassing
33:23yourself,
33:24but from
33:25now on
33:26get out.
33:30You know
33:31it makes
33:32sense.
33:36You're doing
33:37the right
33:38thing,
33:39Les.
33:40Lesley's
33:41not going
33:42to take it.
33:43She's
33:44not going
33:45to take
33:46the money.
33:47No
33:48way,
33:49Jose.
33:50This
33:51clown is
33:52going to
33:53lose
33:54our
33:55son.
34:21He's got a point,
34:22Dad.
34:25He was
34:26champion
34:27six years
34:28in a row.
34:40They can't
34:41fly much
34:42worse, can
34:43they?
34:44Worth a
34:45shot.
34:46Jacqueline's
34:47going to be
34:48good at
34:49this thing.
34:50Now you
34:51know.
34:55Come on,
34:56Jacqueline.
35:02Come on,
35:03Jacqueline.
35:09Yes!
35:13Come on,
35:14Jacqueline.
35:17Oh!
35:19Oh!
35:25Jacqueline!
35:26Jacqueline!
35:27Jacqueline!
35:28Jacqueline!
35:29Jacqueline!
35:30Jacqueline!
35:31Jacqueline!
35:32Jacqueline!
35:33Jacqueline!
35:34Jacqueline!
35:35Jacqueline!
35:36Jacqueline!
35:37Jacqueline!
35:38Jacqueline!
35:39Jacqueline!
35:40Jacqueline!
35:41Jacqueline!
35:42Jacqueline!
35:43Jacqueline!
35:44Jacqueline!
35:45Jacqueline!
35:46Jacqueline!
35:47Jacqueline!
35:48Jacqueline!
35:49Jacqueline!
35:50Jacqueline!
35:51Jacqueline!
35:52Jacqueline!
35:53Jacqueline!
35:54Jacqueline!
35:55Jacqueline!
36:02A vet?
36:03I don't
36:04want to be seen
36:05by a vet?
36:06How rude.
36:07Ones come
36:08all the way
36:09from Finistrap.
36:10Betty
36:22Carrie
36:23You've got to be joking.
36:24She has no symptoms, apart from the paralysis.
36:27Excuse me, I do speak English.
36:29Not that I know of.
36:30No excessive panting or whining?
36:33Oh, now you come to mention it,
36:35there has been quite a lot of whining.
36:36She's been doing that thing where she pulls herself along
36:38by her front paws, dragging her bum across the desk.
36:41I'm already messing.
36:43You have injected me in the face
36:45with something that you give to dogs that have rabies?
36:49Which begs the question, why are you frothing at the mouth?
36:51Right, I want him out of here, out of here now.
36:53Oh!
36:54Do you have any rope?
36:55Do they have to hang legs?
36:56That's maybe room, but that's three floors down.
36:58No!
36:59Ow, ow, ow, ow!
37:01OK, you're in the safe position.
37:03Put the camera on the head.
37:05Those teeth look sharp.
37:06Will you stop talking about me like this?
37:08I'm not an animal.
37:10Well...
37:11I'm a human being!
37:13Oh!
37:14Ah!
37:16Oh!
37:19HE LAUGHS
37:24Hey, Dad.
37:26I've been looking for you.
37:27Slow day at work?
37:29I'm having a late lunch.
37:30Look, son, we appear to have got off on the wrong foot.
37:33Yes, you do.
37:35I don't hate your dad.
37:37I'm just frustrated he's holding you back.
37:39What do you mean, holding me back?
37:41That's why I'm offering you a fresh start in the UK.
37:43I don't want a fresh start in the UK.
37:45What would you say if I offered you a fresh start living in Spain?
37:47What would I want to live in Spain for?
37:49Exactly.
37:51Liam, why don't we have tea together tonight?
37:54What, with Mad Dog?
37:56No, no, didn't I tell you he was on a shooting weekend in Madrid?
37:58Oh.
38:00What's he shooting people in debt?
38:02Don't be daft. You know, birds, small animals, that sort of thing.
38:05Mother, I don't think Mad Dog and I are going to get along.
38:07No.
38:08What makes you say that?
38:09It's just a feeling.
38:10Me and you, tonight.
38:12Eight o'clock.
38:13I'm staying at the Bellroy.
38:15They do a lovely a la carte.
38:17I will have dinner with you tonight, in Neptune's.
38:19Yeah!
38:20Eight o'clock.
38:21And then tomorrow...
38:24I want you to go home.
38:26Yes!
38:27And leave me and my dad in peace.
38:29Yes!
38:30We'll see.
38:31Eight o'clock.
38:34Eight o'clock.
38:36Eight o'clock.
38:43Does anyone else want to just slap them?
38:45I'm back. Back at work. Back in the game.
38:47Are you back? Are you all back?
38:49We never went anywhere.
38:50Miss Temper Savage, are you sure you are feeling OK?
38:52What are you dressed like an undertaker for?
38:54Did somebody die?
38:55I wasn't dressing like this when I see you this morning.
38:57I have been manager while you were not well.
38:59Do you not remember?
39:00You? Manager?
39:01You couldn't manage a fart without shitting yourself.
39:04I'm hungry. I'm so hungry.
39:06I'm going to get some food.
39:07Anybody want any food?
39:12Well, it's good that Joyce is back on form.
39:15Back on form? She's climbing the walls.
39:17What have you done to her?
39:18You have given her something, I know.
39:20She was feeling a bit groggy after a visit from the doctors.
39:23So I just slipped a few whoppers into her bovril.
39:25Ah!
39:26She'll be fine.
39:29What is bovril?
39:32It's a disgusting drink.
39:35Oh, dearly, she is.
39:37Well, it's not exactly the Bellroy, but...
39:41Well, I was going to say I've eaten in worse places,
39:44but I'm not sure I have.
39:46He's quite funny, Geoff, isn't he?
39:48Geoff?
39:49In the Oracle.
39:50Depends what you mean by funny.
39:52Weird, laughable, an embarrassment, that kind of funny, yeah.
39:56The problem with you, Clive, is you're threatened by another alpha male.
39:59Alpha male?
40:01He's on holiday with his mum.
40:02He's more of a man than you'll ever be.
40:04Oh, my God, and you fancy him.
40:06Oh!
40:07You do.
40:08You fancy him.
40:10He's not my usual type,
40:12but he does have a certain vulnerable quality to him.
40:15What, with his burnt feet?
40:18Hello.
40:21It's Theresa, isn't it?
40:23Yeah, Terry.
40:25You see, I was thrilled when Geoff told me
40:28that you'd asked us to join you for dinner.
40:31He'll be down in a minute.
40:33I've just got to go and wash my hands,
40:36for the past half hour I've been creaming his feet.
40:40Oh, lovely.
40:43Creaming his feet.
40:52The thing is, Liam,
40:54I think your dad has finally come to his senses,
40:56and not before a time.
40:58What do you mean?
41:00Well, it came as quite a shock,
41:02but he asked to see me this afternoon,
41:04and, well, basically,
41:06he thinks that you should move back to the UK with me.
41:10Why would he say that?
41:12I admit he's changed his tune pretty quick,
41:15but he said you both need to...
41:18Oh, what was his phrase?
41:21Wake up and smell the coffee.
41:24He doesn't like coffee.
41:26He thinks that you should take the job of refugee
41:29with proper career prospects,
41:31and he's taking stock of his life too,
41:33and he's going to stop all that dressing up
41:36and making a fool of himself as well.
41:38How stupid do you think I am?
41:40What's that got to do with anything?
41:42Those are clearly your words, not me dad's.
41:44Yes, Liam!
41:46I think it's the case of you putting words into somebody else's mouth.
41:49My dad and my dad were married for 20 years.
41:52I know him better than he knows himself.
41:55Clearly not.
41:57Liam, sometimes, no matter how late in life,
42:00people do eventually grow up.
42:03This is for you.
42:05Liam, the gentleman's got something for you.
42:08No, it's for you.
42:11Hello.
42:13I have work to do.
42:15Oh, please, here's the money.
42:17Come on, Leslie.
42:20Yes!
42:33Yes!
42:43Yes!
42:47Yes!
42:58Hello.
42:59That's how you do it.
43:02Well, I must say,
43:05this was a good idea.
43:08Safety in numbers, that's what I say.
43:12Although, I once did have a holiday here on my own.
43:16Oh, yeah? How was that?
43:18Oh, it was an absolute stinker.
43:21I mean, Geoff's in-laws were here,
43:23and I chummed up with them for a bit.
43:26But I don't think I'll be doing that again.
43:29You're married?
43:31Separated.
43:33Well, never married, to be honest.
43:35Although, we do have a son, Pi.
43:37See him every other weekend.
43:39You've got a son called Pi?
43:41What, as in steak and kidney?
43:43No, as in Pythagoras.
43:45A Pythagoras?
43:47Yeah, why?
43:49Nothing.
43:50Oh, wow.
43:51I think Pythagoras is my favourite of all the Greek philosophers.
43:54Seriously?
43:55Well, apart from Socrates.
43:57I used to love all that at school.
43:59You used to love all what at school?
44:01Ancient Greek philosophy.
44:02The nearest you got to Ancient Greece
44:04was having a kebab on a Saturday night after 12 pints.
44:08Hello?
44:09Oh, this is ridiculous.
44:12Same again?
44:13Oh, lovely.
44:14Yeah, I'm fine.
44:16I'll help you.
44:17I think I can manage to bring back four drinks on my own.
44:20I said I'll help you.
44:23Oh, boy.
44:26Right, I have to talk about Jeff's status at the end of the episode.
44:36Miss Templer-Savage, you are sure you're OK?
44:39Sing it.
44:40When bleeding a radiator,
44:41it is essential to have a third party to keep an eye on the boiler gate.
44:44It's essential.
44:46I think maybe you need to lie down for a while.
44:48Yeah.
44:49I was once taken up the Valley of the Kings by a close relation of Alan Wicker.
44:52No regrets, none whatsoever.
44:53Although, I did get to meet David Yip.
44:55You know, the Chinese detective.
44:57I didn't realise it was him until half way home in a taxi.
45:00OK, listen.
45:02I'm going now.
45:04If you need anything, please let me know.
45:07The group.
45:08Group?
45:09The group. I didn't book the group for tonight.
45:10It's OK.
45:11We can just do karaoke.
45:12Karaoke? Not on my watch, soldier.
45:14Is that what Verilyn told the troops in 1940?
45:16Sing it yourself, Asher Coco.
45:18I'll do my Amos Sumac.
45:20From my old Ashby de la Zouche days, they won't know what hit them.
45:24I'm warning you, Clive.
45:25Keep your fat flout clear of my business.
45:27What are you talking about?
45:28I feel a connection with Jeff.
45:30I think I'm ready for a relationship.
45:32The only relationships you have these days are standing up in pub car parks.
45:36Yeah, well, maybe I'll settle for that tonight.
45:38I doubt it.
45:39Not with the state his feet are in.
45:52Go on, Leslie!
45:58I really enjoyed today.
46:01You were right.
46:02You can do too much of lying staring at a swimming pool.
46:07Well, you're always going to have a degree of beginner's luck.
46:10Yeah, that's what it is.
46:11I don't think someone's jealous.
46:13Don't be ridiculous.
46:14You are. You're jealous.
46:17No.
46:18You're right.
46:20Fair play to you, Jacqueline.
46:22You played brilliantly.
46:24Cheers to a great day out.
46:27I'll tell you what it did as well.
46:29It made you forget that while you're here,
46:32your wife is sharing a bed with my husband in the south of France.
46:38Until now.
46:44Oh, my word!
47:08Oh, my word!
47:15So, is this really what passes for entertainment round here?
47:18Yes.
47:19Oh, I love it. It's very Martha Graham.
47:21What was your letter?
47:23Nothing. It's just some details about a trip.
47:27Oh, they do some great free trips to the waterfall. Where's it to?
47:31No, it's been cancelled.
47:35Gloria, you like the song, son?
47:38You were fabulous.
47:39You're off out tonight?
47:41I'm just meeting a few other girls up the rich bitch.
47:43Why don't you join us, for I don't think it's your mother's cup of tea.
47:46Well, I might join you in a bit.
47:47No. No, son. Spend time with your mother. She's not here for long.
47:51That's true. And we've got the rest of our lives together.
47:54You said it, young'un.
47:55Yes!
47:56See you both tomorrow.
48:05She's got the moves, I'll say that for her.
48:10Do you like to dance, Jeff?
48:12Not really.
48:13I don't know. You busted some sick moves on those hot coals, did they?
48:16Yep.
48:17Oh, you weren't sick as well, were you? You've got a big day tomorrow.
48:22Oh, yeah? What's happening tomorrow, Jeff?
48:25Nothing. Nothing at all.
48:28Oh, he does get shy.
48:30Mother.
48:31Mother.
48:32Jeff's fiancée's arriving tomorrow.
48:35What?
48:41What?
48:57Wow!
49:02My...
49:07Oh, my word. Where...
49:10Where do I even begin with that episode?
49:23That has to be one of the most bonkers episodes I think we've ever seen on this show.
49:32Oh, my word. Right. We've got to start with Jeff.
49:38So, Jeff and Chantel were married, had a kid, and now they're separated.
49:47And now Jeff has a new fiancée.
49:51So, that's in what? Three years? Three and a half to four years?
49:57From basically, Jeff and Chantel not even... Well, they basically had a kiss and that was it.
50:04They got married.
50:06I mean, we knew about the kid because I think Janice mentioned it in one of the episodes.
50:13It was talking about Noreen and how she's the soon-to-be great-grandma to your grandson.
50:21It was something like that.
50:24So, is that Chantel done with the show or is she still potentially going to come back?
50:30I don't know. We will obviously have to wait and see.
50:33As always, don't give me any spoilers.
50:37But Jeff has a fiancée.
50:40That's interesting.
50:44I mean, as I said last week, I was like, you know, maybe they've come early and so Chantel's going to join them later on.
50:52I didn't think it would be someone else.
50:55So, is that... I don't know.
51:01Is it an actual fiancée? Is this one of Jeff's bullshit lies?
51:06Like I said, he's sort of regressed a little bit, hasn't he?
51:08Back to series one to three days.
51:10We will have to wait and see.
51:12But that one, that's going to be interesting and shocking.
51:16Joyce is dead.
51:18Clearly, after the shots and everything that she's had from the vets and everything.
51:23That ending, oh my god.
51:25What the hell was she on?
51:28Put it in the comments down below.
51:31You know, compare that performance to when Madge did that song.
51:37What was it?
51:38She got put on ecstasy, didn't she?
51:40She had the happy pills.
51:44Oh, it was that, the...
51:45Up, up and away.
51:47It was that song.
51:48Put it in the comments.
51:49Which performance do you think was the best one for our character being so totally out of it?
51:55Was it Joyce or was it Madge?
51:56Let me know in the comments.
52:00The big story though in this one.
52:04Liam, Leslie and that bitch.
52:09I'm sorry, I've sworn quite a lot in that one.
52:14I've said a lot my thoughts on that character.
52:19I hope to god we never see that character again.
52:24Like I said, it's not often that I use the word hate.
52:30I don't particularly like that word.
52:32I think hate is an insanely strong word.
52:36But that is a character who I detest with a burning passion.
52:43And that says a lot for a character who has literally been in a single episode.
52:50I normally will like to give characters the benefit of the doubt.
52:54And like to think, you know, maybe there's a bit more to them that we just haven't seen.
53:00But no, what a cow.
53:04Like, she goes out there, she is literally spitting venom.
53:09And we've had that in the past, haven't we?
53:12Like Madge, for example.
53:14Madge will always go around and she's very sharp-tongued and everything like that.
53:19But this woman, oh, she's taken it to a whole beyond level.
53:26I mean, maybe she's not like that with everyone.
53:30And maybe it's only really towards Les.
53:33And it's because of the breakdown in the marriage.
53:35But although from the sounds of it, from the conversation that she was saying.
53:40It doesn't sound like Les went transvestite whilst they were married.
53:45It was something that happened afterwards.
53:49So I'd be interested to know what the breakdown in their marriage was about.
53:54To be honest, I can only imagine that she started showing her true colours.
54:02And what she's really like.
54:04And this just nasty, vindictive, vicious, poisonous person.
54:09And Les just like, you know what, fuck you. Get out of my life.
54:14But in a much nicer way.
54:17That moment in the salon, that literally brought me to tears.
54:21It was such a beautiful moment.
54:26It was incredible.
54:28The way that Liam stood up to his mum.
54:31Like so fast.
54:34Like Liam in the early couple of series.
54:36I can imagine it would have been kind of like, he would have built up to his mum.
54:41It would have been kind of nice.
54:42And then she kind of shows her true colours.
54:44And maybe he might have stood up to her, maybe not.
54:49Here, it was literally from the moment she appeared.
54:52He's like, I don't want you part of my life.
54:54You are such a horrible, nasty person.
54:57You should not be here.
55:01That's just made me love Liam and Lesley so much more.
55:05So, so much more.
55:09I'm going to wrap up that reaction there.
55:11I hope you enjoyed that episode.
55:13I mean, as an overall episode.
55:15And probably from a reaction point of view, it probably wasn't the greatest.
55:19But that moment was still one of the upper class moments of this show.
55:27And you know me, I'm a sucker for the emotional stuff.
55:30So, yeah.
55:32That's going to do it for today's reaction.
55:33Subscribe if you're new.
55:34Drop your comments down below.
55:35And please check out all my other comments.
55:37And please, spread the love for Liam and for Lesley.
55:42And spread the love out in the world, Lesley style.
55:46To make the world a slightly brighter place.
55:48That's going to do it for today.
55:50Thank you so much.
55:51For now, my name's Kevin.
55:53I am a geek.
55:54And you've been watching Kevin the Geek.
55:56Goodbye.