Good Morning Pakistan 1st Jul 2024

ARY Digital

Good Morning Pakistan is your first source of entertainment as soon as you wake up in the morning, keeping you energized for the rest of the day.   Host: Nida Yasir   #goodmorningpakistan  #nidayasir  #arydigitalshow  #arydigital   #aroobamirza #zainabraza #danishnawaz #newyearcelebration

Transcript

00:00:00I married you off to Mustafa without my consent.

00:00:03Otherwise, I would never have married you off to Mustafa.

00:00:06When you are a wife, you can even make a useless husband.

00:00:10I made a huge mistake by marrying my precious daughter to this man.

00:00:14Jadina!

00:00:16I don't deserve you.

00:00:17You should have found someone better.

00:00:20I know you didn't get married because you wanted to.

00:00:23But you did it, didn't you?

00:00:24You did it!

00:00:26He was alive for this day that my two sons would fight like this.

00:00:31My family taught me that only money is respected in this world.

00:00:35There is a huge difference between me and him.

00:00:38He is not the same Mustafa I used to love.

00:00:44And the way he is now, I don't think I will be able to live his life.

00:00:51Pack your stuff and get out of my house.

00:01:26There is a lot of mischief in it.

00:01:30There is a lot of mischief in it.

00:01:35Greetings! Good morning!

00:01:38Good morning, Pakistan! How are you?

00:01:41I am thinking about such topics these days.

00:01:45Because they are very practical.

00:01:48And our society needs them.

00:01:51So, I am thinking about such topics these days.

00:01:57Because if you want to improve your generation,

00:02:02then you should teach your daughters.

00:02:04I have been saying this for a long time.

00:02:07But I will prove it to you today.

00:02:10Because daughters become mothers.

00:02:13And mothers have a bigger responsibility than fathers.

00:02:19It is about the upbringing of children.

00:02:22If you go to the flashback,

00:02:25your elders have always given you so many guidelines.

00:02:30That we have been thinking about it and raising our children.

00:02:34But when you come to an edge and you feel that

00:02:38no one is going to tell you, you don't understand anything.

00:02:42Sometimes when we become more educated,

00:02:47our elders don't know anything about today's world.

00:02:51Because the world is changing, so the upbringing is also changing.

00:02:55It is changing a little bit.

00:02:57You used to say that uncle Chanda will come.

00:03:00We used to bribe our children in the olden days.

00:03:04That he will come from the sky.

00:03:07Put your teeth under the pillow.

00:03:09Then the fairy will come and keep the money.

00:03:12Children have become very smart.

00:03:15The elders who used to talk to us,

00:03:18they don't follow what we tell them.

00:03:21So our upbringing should also be molded according to their smartness.

00:03:27And if any parents understand this, it will be best.

00:03:31Because children make us uncle these days.

00:03:33If we say something to them or if we say something to them,

00:03:36they turn around and answer us with such smartness.

00:03:40That mom, this is not the case.

00:03:42Why are you saying this to me?

00:03:44So we also have to study for that.

00:03:47So now we have to take help from Google more than our elders.

00:03:50And we search on Google.

00:03:51If you have to explain something to a boy or a girl,

00:03:55then do this or do that.

00:03:57No matter how many guidelines you take from anyone,

00:04:00but everyone's child is a different person.

00:04:05He is the owner of a different personality.

00:04:07So you have to raise him in your own way.

00:04:11So until you become a parent,

00:04:13you can't try any experience or experiment on yourself.

00:04:21But still, when you sit with four people

00:04:25and talk to each other a lot,

00:04:28like a guest sitting in a drawing room,

00:04:32I really like to talk to people in everyday life.

00:04:37Not just for show.

00:04:38Because listening to people in everyday life

00:04:42so many things get absorbed.

00:04:45I mean, more than when I was reading books,

00:04:48I feel that if I look at Instagram or social media,

00:04:51people say something good about it.

00:04:53Or when we sit among ourselves,

00:04:55people say something good about it.

00:04:57So from there, it gets practically absorbed.

00:05:01Today, in the drawing room of our show,

00:05:04something like this is going to happen.

00:05:05Some parents,

00:05:07I said, we will dedicate the show entirely to the upbringing of children.

00:05:10But there will be a separate show for girls and a separate one for boys.

00:05:13I mean, there is a difference between the upbringing of a son and a daughter.

00:05:17Today, we will give you tips.

00:05:19Today, the entire show that we have dedicated is on the upbringing of daughters.

00:05:22There will be a lot of celebrity parents here

00:05:27who have done a lot of courses to raise their daughters.

00:05:32They have thought of a lot of things.

00:05:33We will also listen to them.

00:05:35So that we also get some tips like this while talking to them.

00:05:39Which we can apply in our life.

00:05:41And believe me,

00:05:43you don't raise them by thinking.

00:05:45There are a lot of things that happen automatically.

00:05:48Daughters learn a lot of things by looking at their mothers.

00:05:52Daughters look at their fathers and absorb that their future life

00:05:56should revolve around a man like this.

00:05:58Because their family is revolving around their father.

00:06:03They feel that this is my ideal man of life, who is my father.

00:06:08So, fathers also have to be a role model in front of their daughters.

00:06:13We will come back after a short break.

00:06:15And we will dedicate a very beautiful program

00:06:17on the upbringing of daughters.

00:06:20Good morning, Pakistan.

00:06:31Welcome back.

00:06:32Good morning, Pakistan.

00:06:33Today, we are talking about the upbringing of daughters.

00:06:37Obviously, daughters are very loving and caring.

00:06:41But how to keep a balance between strictness and love.

00:06:46Parents need to understand this.

00:06:48How much love and strictness they have to give them.

00:06:55They say, feed me a piece of gold.

00:06:57But look, from whose point of view?

00:06:58From the lion's point of view.

00:07:00I am saying from the eagle's point of view.

00:07:03Sometimes, we have to become an eagle as well.

00:07:07So, let's start.

00:07:09It is said that a child does a lot of things for six years.

00:07:14He learns languages, he learns etiquette.

00:07:17This is new research.

00:07:19When our children were six years old,

00:07:22it was not like this then.

00:07:23But today's research says that a child does this for six years.

00:07:27So, let's go back to the flashback and start from there.

00:07:30Do you think that when your daughters were small,

00:07:33what was your role as a father at that time?

00:07:36Their upbringing.

00:07:37Look, at that time, one was small.

00:07:41Was your father only to play?

00:07:42My father was there to play as well.

00:07:44But he was also worried that when she will grow up,

00:07:47when she will grow up together or when she is learning.

00:07:51So, his upbringing...

00:07:53Like, if we take a child to someone's house,

00:07:56you must have seen that mothers don't refuse anything.

00:08:00Like decoration pieces.

00:08:02I mean, if I had to take my children somewhere,

00:08:05I would teach them.

00:08:06And I would tell them not to pick up these things.

00:08:08And it is not possible with a child.

00:08:11That the child goes and sits comfortably with us.

00:08:13It is not possible.

00:08:14But parents think like that.

00:08:16And they should think too.

00:08:17These days, I have seen a lot that the child is playing,

00:08:20the child is breaking things, the child is not scolding the child.

00:08:23So, we wanted to teach them these things.

00:08:27At this age.

00:08:28So that the children learn that it was not like this.

00:08:31If you refuse a child once,

00:08:32then maybe he will learn that I don't want to touch this thing.

00:08:35So, those things were also in my mind.

00:08:37These days, parents have a very good technique.

00:08:40Give them an iPad or a phone.

00:08:42They won't move from their place.

00:08:43You will also tell them to bow down and greet.

00:08:46I will lose.

00:08:49I will lose.

00:08:51I can't leave it. I am going to win now.

00:08:53And they think that does the child eat from this?

00:08:56By showing.

00:08:57That if he is watching the video, then he will eat.

00:09:00Does he eat?

00:09:01Yes, he eats.

00:09:03Because he eats whatever you feed him.

00:09:04In our time, we used to put cartoons on TV.

00:09:07We used to do that.

00:09:08Yes, we used to put cartoons on TV.

00:09:10So, it's the same thing.

00:09:12Either we used to put cartoons on TV or we used to make cartoons ourselves.

00:09:16Or we used to say something or the other.

00:09:18We used to make faces.

00:09:19So, feeding the children was always one thing.

00:09:21It was difficult for the parents.

00:09:23Even in those days, the doctors used to say that

00:09:26he will eat.

00:09:27He is healthy. He is of the right weight.

00:09:29He has done what he should have done from last month to next month.

00:09:34The same thing that we start panicking from the first three months.

00:09:37And after that, whenever we used to ask the doctors

00:09:40that the doctor doesn't eat anything.

00:09:43They used to say that when he will feel hungry, he will eat.

00:09:46But they didn't dare to do that.

00:09:47The parents forced them to eat.

00:09:49No, no. When they were very small, when the spoon feed was cut.

00:09:53Even then, we used to think that he doesn't eat.

00:09:55We used to feed him. We used to try.

00:09:56We used to eat half of the food.

00:09:57After that, they used to take it out or close his mouth.

00:10:00And they used to say that he just needs that much.

00:10:02But no parent used to do that.

00:10:05They used to say that he needs more.

00:10:06They used to think that he has to eat as much as I have thought.

00:10:09They used to open the zip and put it in his mouth.

00:10:11Okay, I will talk about this.

00:10:12Like I told you, the children were small.

00:10:14See, fathers are naturally very possessive about their daughters.

00:10:19So, sometimes there are restrictions.

00:10:23Restrictions.

00:10:24That I will go to college or I will go to school.

00:10:27Or I will go to drop them.

00:10:28And they think a lot about this.

00:10:30Maybe mothers don't think as much as fathers do.

00:10:33When the girls were small, I thought that they will grow up.

00:10:37Obviously, I have to take care of them.

00:10:39And let me tell you that I didn't have a day

00:10:43when I didn't go to drop them to school.

00:10:45Okay, you used to drop them?

00:10:46I mean, if I am in Lahore, it is my duty.

00:10:50I used to get up on time without informing.

00:10:52I didn't send anyone with a driver.

00:10:55And I used to drop them myself.

00:10:56Okay, that session with the girls.

00:10:59When you drop them to school or college,

00:11:02I feel that when my father used to drop me,

00:11:05it was a session.

00:11:06There was a lot of talk between a father and his daughter.

00:11:11Of course, there was.

00:11:12And obviously, on the way,

00:11:13you know the time in the morning.

00:11:15Children are like that.

00:11:17But there was an effort to talk.

00:11:19That today I am doing this in school.

00:11:21Or I have to eat this.

00:11:22Or there was a demand for that.

00:11:24So, she used to tell me that give me a little more money today.

00:11:27I have to do this in school today.

00:11:28I have to go to this.

00:11:29And then the permission that was there,

00:11:31if the children had to go somewhere from school,

00:11:33then obviously, they couldn't go anywhere without my permission.

00:11:36That is very important.

00:11:38So, were you a strict father?

00:11:39Not at all.

00:11:40Or not?

00:11:40Like, if I have to go to my friend's house to stay,

00:11:43all these things,

00:11:44I have to go to a relative's house to spend the night.

00:11:46So, your father was very strict in that matter.

00:11:50No.

00:11:51If you have to attend a friend's wedding.

00:11:52You should know which friend's house you are going to.

00:11:55Okay.

00:11:55You should know this.

00:11:56So, I don't think it is strict.

00:11:58Okay.

00:11:59If you don't know.

00:12:00Yes.

00:12:00First of all, we tried.

00:12:02I didn't shift to Karachi because

00:12:05the friends from childhood and kindergarten are still there.

00:12:10Yes.

00:12:11Now, all my elder daughter's friends are the same group.

00:12:14They have got married.

00:12:15The rest of the friends too.

00:12:16So, they are with the kindergarten.

00:12:18Okay.

00:12:18Their parents, their family, our family, we all know each other.

00:12:22Okay.

00:12:23And if my daughter used to go to their house at night,

00:12:27that today is her birthday, we will stay there today.

00:12:29Yes.

00:12:29Then we didn't have any problem.

00:12:30Okay.

00:12:31We knew.

00:12:31Yes.

00:12:32Similarly, we have done the same with the other two kids.

00:12:35Their parents know everyone.

00:12:37Yes.

00:12:37So, I didn't come to Karachi again and again

00:12:41that I shift again.

00:12:42Then I do their new schooling.

00:12:43Exactly.

00:12:44So, it is a difficult job.

00:12:45For their education, how much interference did you do?

00:12:49Like, what subjects do the kids have to take?

00:12:51Which school should they go to?

00:12:52That is mostly the mother's hand.

00:12:54Yes.

00:12:54Very much.

00:12:55That is the research of the mothers.

00:12:56Yes.

00:12:57Okay, sometimes I feel that in couples,

00:13:00the same person goes to the back seat

00:13:04who thinks that this father is handling it better.

00:13:06Yes, yes.

00:13:08This is decided.

00:13:09This is there.

00:13:10The one who is a little more research based

00:13:14or more understanding of the things going on inside

00:13:18and moving forward.

00:13:20The one who has more skills.

00:13:21Then the other one leaves it.

00:13:22I have seen often.

00:13:23We, because the way we are,

00:13:26we feel that we are mothers.

00:13:27I do more.

00:13:28I also take more decisions for my children at home.

00:13:32I do studies.

00:13:33You must also do your work.

00:13:35But if you see a lot of fathers in the masses,

00:13:39if they are more educated,

00:13:41then they are making more decisions for the children

00:13:43and helping them.

00:13:44So you can take this subject.

00:13:46Because they have done teaching.

00:13:47Yes, yes, yes.

00:13:48They have taught the children,

00:13:49so they have more experience.

00:13:50Yes.

00:13:50How to deal with the children,

00:13:52how to handle them.

00:13:53So that interferes more.

00:13:54But this one thing is decided that

00:13:57there is a person who has to spend more time with the children.

00:14:01Yes.

00:14:02In the day, isn't it?

00:14:03From packing the lunch box at school,

00:14:07then as soon as they come,

00:14:09bring it.

00:14:09Then the whole day after that.

00:14:10And after that, the rest of the day and whatever you have to see.

00:14:12And there is a father who comes in the evening.

00:14:14Yes.

00:14:14So his interaction with the child is less.

00:14:16So mothers know their psyche, their needs more than the father.

00:14:23There can be no doubt in this.

00:14:24As I said before going on the break,

00:14:27that to raise today's daughters,

00:14:29we have to tell them one sentence,

00:14:31that son, don't just become a bride.

00:14:33You have to become a bride too,

00:14:35but don't just become a bride.

00:14:36This should not be the purpose of life.

00:14:39So I would like to ask you about that.

00:14:42Then I will come to you too, of course.

00:14:44Looking at your personality, you must know that

00:14:46you have the same thoughts.

00:14:48And you must have put this thought in Mina.

00:14:50So I want to ask you about this.

00:14:52Because often fathers think that

00:14:54our duty should be fulfilled,

00:14:56that our daughters should get married

00:14:58and our duty should be fulfilled.

00:14:59What did you think of your daughters?

00:15:01I think it is wrong to think that

00:15:02the girl got married and her duty was fulfilled

00:15:04and she went to her home.

00:15:06It's not like that.

00:15:06Yes.

00:15:07You have to live with the girl all your life.

00:15:10Because she can't forget her parents' home

00:15:13for the rest of her life.

00:15:14So you have to teach her that

00:15:16you are getting married,

00:15:18this is your new life,

00:15:19how you have to lead it.

00:15:21Of course, those things are different.

00:15:23The mother teaches and the children learn too.

00:15:26So we have said that you have to go there.

00:15:31Of course, you can see the upbringing of the parents

00:15:33that what they have taught the children there.

00:15:35This is very important.

00:15:36Yes.

00:15:36And that is important.

00:15:38Have you ever let the children do small jobs?

00:15:41Yes, of course.

00:15:42Internships, so that they become strong.

00:15:46Were you a rough father or a gentle father?

00:15:49No, no.

00:15:51You will get a drop in my daughter's life.

00:15:53No, not at all.

00:15:54It will be good if you raise the child roughly.

00:15:57If the child is eating junk, let him eat.

00:16:01That is the age of the child.

00:16:02Many parents don't let the child eat junk.

00:16:06I have never thought like that.

00:16:07I have fed him.

00:16:08And the gentleness is that I have daughters and I am a father.

00:16:12So I have to give him as much love as possible.

00:16:14So I have kept that.

00:16:16Okay.

00:16:16But it is not that whatever they say, I have to listen to them.

00:16:19Like you have to take a leave from school.

00:16:21Yes, I say that.

00:16:22That it's okay, you can take a leave today.

00:16:24My wife says that.

00:16:25Yes, your father can say that.

00:16:26My daughter-in-law says that you can take a leave.

00:16:29If you see, you will not go to school.

00:16:31These things happen to us.

00:16:33Yes.

00:16:33So I am the first to take a leave.

00:16:35First.

00:16:35It's okay, take a leave today.

00:16:36What will happen if you don't go for a day?

00:16:38What will happen?

00:16:38By the way, I am also such a mother.

00:16:40Okay.

00:16:40I used to say that I think we can take a leave this week from Taripur.

00:16:45This is their school now.

00:16:47I said, yes, it's okay.

00:16:48It won't make a difference in a week.

00:16:50Because if someone travels or something.

00:16:51Because whenever I had to travel for my work,

00:16:54I used to try to take the children along.

00:16:57And whether it is any corner of the world.

00:16:59Yes.

00:17:00So I used to take a leave very easily.

00:17:03Yes.

00:17:03Not on a regular basis.

00:17:04No, sometimes.

00:17:05Not in normal circumstances.

00:17:06But when we have to go somewhere.

00:17:08Or there is a place where there is a bonding.

00:17:12A family get together or something.

00:17:15So I would say school.

00:17:16You have to pass it.

00:17:17What kind of mother were you?

00:17:18Possessive mother or rough tough mother?

00:17:22I think both.

00:17:23Both.

00:17:24Yes, because there are possessive mothers too.

00:17:26Obviously, there are.

00:17:28And but the effort is that.

00:17:31I liked those people who.

00:17:33Even after having a car at home.

00:17:35They used to take their children on buses.

00:17:38And there are many people like that.

00:17:40There are not, but there are.

00:17:43And I get inspired by such people.

00:17:46Not that I was ever able to do that.

00:17:48I just did this.

00:17:50I never had a lot of drivers.

00:17:52You see, in a time span.

00:17:55When I have some work.

00:17:57That I won't be able to manage.

00:18:00Time in the afternoon.

00:18:01Time to bring from school.

00:18:02Other than that, I never had a driver.

00:18:05You used to take them on your own?

00:18:06Yes, I used to take them on my own from school.

00:18:08When you look at Meena now.

00:18:10Sometimes you feel that.

00:18:14I have raised a good girl.

00:18:15Is it good or bad?

00:18:16Yes, I mean the work is done.

00:18:18What do you see?

00:18:19I don't know.

00:18:20I want you to share with other women.

00:18:23What things did you take care of?

00:18:24Which result did you see in your children?

00:18:28There is a day when I feel.

00:18:31This is fine.

00:18:32And there is a day when I feel.

00:18:34What have I done?

00:18:35Why didn't I explain it to her properly?

00:18:37Why didn't I know how to explain it to her?

00:18:40Why couldn't I explain it to her?

00:18:42This is how it is.

00:18:43And it will be like this for the rest of your life.

00:18:46You will feel that it is wrong.

00:18:48And then there will be a moment.

00:18:49When you will feel that it is fine.

00:18:52As long as your children are small.

00:18:55School.

00:18:56School.

00:18:57That's it, until school.

00:18:58You feel that it is fine.

00:19:00I did everything right.

00:19:01Because until then, they are learning something new every day.

00:19:04They are making you proud.

00:19:05And they are taking good marks.

00:19:06Yes, they are studying well and doing everything well.

00:19:10They are listening to you too.

00:19:12Because they are very dependent.

00:19:14You feel that you have raised the right children.

00:19:17And after that, those children go to college.

00:19:19And then they go to university.

00:19:20And then they start mixing names in your yes.

00:19:24And then they start making their own personalities.

00:19:27And then there comes a time when those personalities are not the same.

00:19:31As you want to see.

00:19:33Wrong or right.

00:19:34You can be wrong.

00:19:35Because what you want to see may not be right.

00:19:38So you feel that I didn't do anything right.

00:19:40I did everything wrong.

00:19:42So I used to think many times.

00:19:43That if 14-15 years ago someone would have asked me what kind of a mother I am.

00:19:48I would have said, excellent.

00:19:51And today if someone asks me what kind of a mother I am.

00:19:53I will say, I don't know.

00:19:55Or flop.

00:19:56Because this is a very difficult task.

00:20:01And this is a job.

00:20:02But still.

00:20:03This is a job.

00:20:04This is not fun.

00:20:05We have taught the basics to the children.

00:20:08Now they have a different individual personality.

00:20:10We can't make them our image.

00:20:13It can't be that.

00:20:15We don't want to make them.

00:20:17We want to make them better than us.

00:20:19We want to see them achieving more than us.

00:20:25Not in terms of money.

00:20:27But in terms of goodness.

00:20:28In terms of becoming a good person.

00:20:31Their behavior with people should be better than ours.

00:20:36They should be grounded.

00:20:39They should know how to run a house.

00:20:41They should not get angry at everything.

00:20:45They should know how to take on any situation head on.

00:20:48Exactly.

00:20:49This is actually important.

00:20:50When they go into a difficult situation.

00:20:52And how have you handled it?

00:20:55Whether it is a mother-in-law or daughter-in-law.

00:20:56Whether it is her in-laws issues.

00:21:00Whether it is a small fight with her husband.

00:21:04How do you tackle it?

00:21:08I would like to ask you.

00:21:11What should you do at that time?

00:21:12You will see mothers often.

00:21:14We see it in our dramas.

00:21:16That the girl's house is ruined.

00:21:20All the blame is put on the mother.

00:21:22That the mother must have filled her ears.

00:21:24Your mother must have taught you.

00:21:25If we see that.

00:21:27What should the mother do at that time?

00:21:29When the girl is getting married.

00:21:31And she is getting settled in her house.

00:21:33How should the mother handle it?

00:21:35Because this is a new thing for them.

00:21:38If your first daughter is getting married.

00:21:40How do you handle it at that time?

00:21:41Because when your daughter used to tell you.

00:21:45My friend did this to me.

00:21:49Something was happening in your heart.

00:21:51Exactly.

00:21:51You used to feel bad for your child.

00:21:54In fact, when your daughter's in-laws.

00:21:58If she comes there and does catharsis.

00:22:01In front of her parents.

00:22:03How do you tackle it at that time?

00:22:05What should you do?

00:22:06You can't be quiet.

00:22:07You will give her 10,000 of your advice.

00:22:10Yes, but I think.

00:22:13The mother should not get too much.

00:22:15It is said so.

00:22:16It is said, but.

00:22:17Can we do this practically?

00:22:18It is a very difficult task.

00:22:19Because if the girl is complaining.

00:22:22That this has happened, this has happened.

00:22:24Then the heart does it.

00:22:26If something like this happens, then the heart hurts.

00:22:29So you should try not to interfere too much in it.

00:22:34But explain to the child.

00:22:36This is a difficult task.

00:22:37This is a difficult task.

00:22:38But this is what we were saying.

00:22:40That you think you sent the child to his house.

00:22:43It is not for the daughter.

00:22:45It is for both.

00:22:46And you started their life.

00:22:49You sent them to the life whose responsibility is this.

00:22:52Your work is over.

00:22:53No, the difficult work will start now.

00:22:55Because now this child is the one who used to come from school.

00:22:57He used to tell you that my friend will have a fight.

00:22:59He will not tell.

00:23:00Maybe.

00:23:01But he is your child.

00:23:03You will see his face.

00:23:05And you will think.

00:23:06This face is not right.

00:23:08Exactly.

00:23:09And you don't want her to tell you.

00:23:12Yet you want to know.

00:23:13What happened to him?

00:23:15Why is she behaving like this today?

00:23:17Isn't it?

00:23:18This is the most difficult time.

00:23:22Then your child tells you.

00:23:24That he has done this to me.

00:23:27What has happened?

00:23:28What are you doing?

00:23:32And your first reaction is that.

00:23:36Oh God, who are these people?

00:23:38And what are they doing?

00:23:39Isn't it?

00:23:39But that's where you need to check yourself.

00:23:42Stop.

00:23:43First of all, he is your child.

00:23:45He has done this to you too.

00:23:47Okay?

00:23:48You know exactly how hyper he is.

00:23:51How sane he is.

00:23:52How smart he is in situations.

00:23:55You shouldn't blame others.

00:23:57You should blame your child too.

00:23:59Because you know him better than yourself.

00:24:03When he used to fight with you.

00:24:05You used to be very unhappy.

00:24:07Today he will fight with someone.

00:24:08And he will complain to you.

00:24:11And you will agree.

00:24:12That's the thing.

00:24:13How did you think?

00:24:15That you won't agree?

00:24:16What do you know about that situation?

00:24:20So I always say.

00:24:22And I say this.

00:24:23Because you should keep your mother-in-law aside.

00:24:26And you are the judge.

00:24:27And you are the judge.

00:24:28Exactly.

00:24:29So I normally.

00:24:30In such a situation.

00:24:32I say, look, this is your thing.

00:24:34You are saying this and I am listening.

00:24:36So I don't know about the other side.

00:24:40So either.

00:24:41Let me know about the other side too.

00:24:45That I will go and ask.

00:24:46You don't want me to interfere in your married life also.

00:24:50Because I know.

00:24:51That you are fighting right now.

00:24:53I have been there and done that.

00:24:54Tomorrow you will say that he is not a husband.

00:24:58Yes.

00:24:58Exactly.

00:24:59That's right.

00:25:01Exactly.

00:25:01We will come back after a short break.

00:25:03Because.

00:25:04The whole part of upbringing.

00:25:06We get stuck here.

00:25:08We can see everything from Google.

00:25:10But Google doesn't tell us.

00:25:12You have to bear it yourself.

00:25:15So the things that Google doesn't tell us.

00:25:16Experiences tell us.

00:25:18Listening, understanding.

00:25:20Somewhere, someone's point.

00:25:22Comes from your life.

00:25:22And our mothers come.

00:25:24In our minds.

00:25:25Exactly.

00:25:26They have told us something.

00:25:28Which is useful to us today.

00:25:30Exactly.

00:25:31Good morning, Pakistan.

00:25:42Welcome back.

00:25:43Good morning, Pakistan.

00:26:14Sometimes we have to be a parrot also.

00:26:19So let's start.

00:26:20It is said that a child judges a lot of things for 6 years.

00:26:25Learns languages.

00:26:27Learns etiquettes.

00:26:28This is new research.

00:26:30When our children were 6 years old.

00:26:33It was not like that then.

00:26:34But today's research says that a child judges for 6 years.

00:26:38So you go to flashback.

00:26:39Let's start from there.

00:26:41Do you think that when your daughters were small.

00:26:44What was your father's role at that time?

00:26:47His upbringing.

00:26:48See, at that time.

00:26:51One was small.

00:26:52Dad was only to play.

00:26:53At that time.

00:26:54Dad was also there to play.

00:26:55But dad was also worried that when she will grow up, definitely.

00:26:59When she is growing up or learning or something.

00:27:02So his upbringing.

00:27:04Like if we take the child to someone's house.

00:27:08So you must have seen that mothers don't refuse anything.

00:27:11Like decoration pieces.

00:27:13I mean, if you want to take the child somewhere.

00:27:16Then teach them.

00:27:18And tell them that this thing is not to be picked up.

00:27:20And this is not possible.

00:27:21With the child.

00:27:22That the child goes and the child sits comfortably with us.

00:27:24This cannot happen.

00:27:25But parents think like this.

00:27:27And should also think.

00:27:29Nowadays I have seen a lot that the child is playing.

00:27:32The child is breaking things.

00:27:33The child is not scolding the child.

00:27:35So we wanted to teach them these things.

00:27:38At this age.

00:27:40So that the child learns that this was not.

00:27:42Once you refuse the child, then maybe he will learn.

00:27:44That I don't want to touch this thing.

00:27:46So those things were also in mind.

00:27:48Nowadays parents have a very good technique.

00:27:51Give the iPad or phone.

00:27:53They will not move from their place.

00:27:54You will also say that bow and greet him.

00:27:58That I will lose.

00:28:00I will lose.

00:28:02I can't leave the game, I'm going to win now.

00:28:04And they think that does the child eat from this?

00:28:08By showing.

00:28:09That if he is watching the video, then he will eat.

00:28:11Does he eat?

00:28:12Yes, he eats.

00:28:13Okay.

00:28:14Because he eats anything.

00:28:16In our time, we used to put cartoons on TV.

00:28:18We used to put it.

00:28:20Yes, we used to put cartoons on TV.

00:28:22So it's the same thing.

00:28:23Today that has come.

00:28:24Either we used to put cartoons on TV or we used to make cartoons ourselves.

00:28:27Or we used to tell something or the other.

00:28:29Make chakles.

00:28:30It has always been a task to feed the child.

00:28:32It has always been a task for the parents.

00:28:34Although even in that time, the doctor used to say the same thing.

00:28:37That you will eat.

00:28:38His health is fine, he is of the right weight.

00:28:41What he should have gained from last month to the next month, he has done it.

00:28:45The same thing that we start panicking from the first three months.

00:28:48And after that, as many times we used to ask the doctor that.

00:28:52Doctor, he doesn't eat anything or doesn't eat anything.

00:28:55So he used to say that when he will feel hungry, he will eat.

00:28:57But dare to say this.

00:28:58He forced his parents to eat.

00:29:01No, no, when he was very small, when the spoon feed was cut.

00:29:04Even at that time, we used to think that he doesn't eat.

00:29:06He eats, tries to eat, eats half the food.

00:29:08After that, he either takes it out or shuts his mouth.

00:29:12And he used to say that he just needs that much.

00:29:14But this didn't happen in any parent.

00:29:16He used to think that as much as I have thought.

00:29:19He somehow opened the zip and put it inside.

00:29:22Okay, I will talk about this.

00:29:23Like I told you, the children were small.

00:29:25So see, the father was naturally very possessive about the daughters.

00:29:30So, sometimes there are restrictions.

00:29:34Restrictions.

00:29:35That I will go to college or I will go to school or I will go to drop them.

00:29:39And they also think a lot about this.

00:29:41Maybe the mothers don't think as much as the father thinks.

00:29:44Earlier, when the girls were small, at that time I had thought that they will grow up.

00:29:49Obviously, I have to take care of them and this and that.

00:29:51And let me tell you that there was no such day.

00:29:54The day I didn't go to drop the school.

00:29:56Okay, you dropped it.

00:29:57I mean, if I am in Lahore, it is my duty.

00:30:01I used to get up on time without informing.

00:30:03I didn't send anyone with a driver.

00:30:06And I used to drop it myself.

00:30:07Okay, that session of conversation with the girls.

00:30:11When you drop them to school or college, I feel the same way.

00:30:14When father used to drop me, it was a session.

00:30:18The talk between a daughter and a father used to happen a lot.

00:30:22Of course, it used to happen and obviously on the way.

00:30:25You know the time in the morning.

00:30:26Children are like that anyway.

00:30:28But there used to be an attempt to talk.

00:30:30That today I am doing this in school.

00:30:33Or this food or there used to be a demand for it.

00:30:35So she used to tell that give me a little more money today.

00:30:38I have to do this in school today, I have to go.

00:30:41And then the permission that was there, if the children had to go somewhere from school.

00:30:44Then obviously, they couldn't go anywhere without my permission.

00:30:48That is very important.

00:30:49So were you a strict father?

00:30:50Not at all.

00:30:51Or not?

00:30:51Like if I have to go to my friend's house to stay.

00:30:54All these things, I have to go to a relative's house to spend the night.

00:30:58So father used to be very strict in that matter.

00:31:02No, you should know which friend's house you are going to.

00:31:06Okay.

00:31:07This should be known.

00:31:08Then I don't think there is any strictness.

00:31:09Okay.

00:31:10If you don't know.

00:31:11Yes, we tried first of all.

00:31:13I didn't shift to Karachi because of this.

00:31:16That the friends from childhood, kindergarten are still there.

00:31:21Yes.

00:31:22Now all the friends of my elder daughter are the same group.

00:31:25Who have got married, the rest of the friends too.

00:31:28So they are with the kindergarten.

00:31:29So their parents, their family, our family, we all know each other.

00:31:34Okay.

00:31:34And if my daughter used to go to their house at night.

00:31:38That today is her birthday, today we will stay there.

00:31:40Yes.

00:31:40So we didn't have any problem.

00:31:42Okay.

00:31:42We knew.

00:31:43Yes.

00:31:43Similarly, the other two younger ones, we have done the same with them.

00:31:47That their parents know everyone.

00:31:48Yes.

00:31:49So I didn't come to Karachi again and again.

00:31:52So that I shift again and do their new schooling.

00:31:54Exactly.

00:31:55Do all the things.

00:31:56So this is a difficult work.

00:31:56Okay, for their education, how much interference did you do?

00:32:01Like what subjects do the children have to take?

00:32:03Which school should be there?

00:32:04That is the mother's hand.

00:32:05Yes.

00:32:05A lot.

00:32:07That is the mother's research.

00:32:08Yes.

00:32:08Okay, sometimes I feel that in couples.

00:32:11Yes.

00:32:13The same person goes to the back seat.

00:32:15Who thinks that this father is handling it better.

00:32:18Yes, sometimes in couples.

00:32:19Yes, yes.

00:32:19This is decided.

00:32:20This is there.

00:32:21The one who will be a little more research based.

00:32:25Yes.

00:32:26Or by understanding things by going inside.

00:32:29And to move forward.

00:32:31Yes.

00:32:31In which there will be more skills.

00:32:32Then the other will leave it and go.

00:32:33I have seen often.

00:32:35We, because the way we are, we feel that we are mothers.

00:32:39Yes.

00:32:39I do more.

00:32:40I also do more decisions for my children at home.

00:32:43I do more studies.

00:32:45You must also do in your home.

00:32:46But if you see a lot of fathers in the masses.

00:32:50If they are more educated.

00:32:52Then they are doing more decisions for the children.

00:32:55And helping.

00:32:56Because you are doing this subject.

00:32:57Because she has also done teaching.

00:32:58Yes, yes.

00:32:59She had taught the children.

00:33:00So she has more experience.

00:33:01Yes.

00:33:02How to deal with children.

00:33:03How to handle.

00:33:04So she interferes more.

00:33:06But this is one thing that is decided.

00:33:08That there is a person who has to spend more time with the children.

00:33:13Yes.

00:33:13In the day.

00:33:14From packing the school lunch box.

00:33:18Then as soon as he comes.

00:33:20Bring it.

00:33:20Then the whole day.

00:33:21And after that the rest of the day.

00:33:22And whatever you have to see.

00:33:23And there is a father who comes in the evening.

00:33:25Yes.

00:33:25So his interaction is less with the child.

00:33:28Okay.

00:33:28So mothers know their psyche, their needs more than the father.

00:33:34There can be no doubt in this.

00:33:36Okay, as I said before going on the break.

00:33:38Yes.

00:33:38That to raise today's daughters.

00:33:41We have to tell them a sentence.

00:33:43Son, don't just become a bride.

00:33:45You have to become a bride too.

00:33:46But don't just become a bride.

00:33:47This should not be the purpose of life.

00:33:50So I would like to ask you about that.

00:33:53Then I will come to you too.

00:33:54Obviously, looking at your personality, you must know.

00:33:58That you also think the same.

00:34:00And you must have put this thought in Mina.

00:34:02So I want to ask you this.

00:34:03Because often fathers think that our duty should be fulfilled.

00:34:08My daughters should get married.

00:34:09And our duty should be fulfilled.

00:34:11What did you think of your daughters?

00:34:12I think this is a wrong thought.

00:34:13That the daughter got married and her duty was fulfilled.

00:34:16And she went to her home.

00:34:17It's not like that.

00:34:18Yes.

00:34:18You have to live with your daughter all your life.

00:34:21Because she can't forget her parents' house all her life.

00:34:25Yes.

00:34:26So you have to teach her that you are getting married.

00:34:29Now you have a new life.

00:34:31Now how you have to take it.

00:34:32Obviously, those things are different.

00:34:34Mothers also teach, children also learn.

00:34:38So we have said this.

00:34:40You have to go there.

00:34:43Obviously, you can see the upbringing of the parents.

00:34:44What they have taught the children there.

00:34:46This is very important.

00:34:47Yes.

00:34:48And that is important.

00:34:49No, you never let the children do small jobs.

00:34:52Especially for girls.

00:34:54Internships, so that they become a little strong.

00:34:57Were you a rough father?

00:34:59Or were you a gentle father?

00:35:01No, no, no.

00:35:02I will get angry.

00:35:03No, no, not at all.

00:35:05It will be very good if you take care of the child roughly.

00:35:08I mean, if a child is eating junk food, let him eat.

00:35:12That is the age of the child.

00:35:13Many parents don't let the child eat junk food.

00:35:17I have never thought like that.

00:35:18I have fed him.

00:35:20And the gentleness is that I have daughters and I am a father.

00:35:23So I have to love them as much as possible.

00:35:26So I have kept that.

00:35:27Okay.

00:35:27But it is not that whatever they say, I have to listen to them.

00:35:31Like if you want to take a school holiday.

00:35:32Yes, I say that.

00:35:34No problem, take a holiday today.

00:35:35Yes, yes, yes.

00:35:36You can say that.

00:35:37Yes, that maid says that you will keep on taking holidays.

00:35:40If you see, you will not go to school.

00:35:43So we talk about these things.

00:35:44Yes.

00:35:44So I am the first to take a holiday.

00:35:46First.

00:35:46No problem, take a holiday today.

00:35:48What will happen if you don't go for a day?

00:35:49What will happen?

00:35:50By the way, I am also such a mother.

00:35:51Okay.

00:35:52I used to say that I think we can take a holiday this week from Antaripur.

00:35:56This is their school now.

00:35:58I said, yes, yes, no problem.

00:35:59It won't make any difference in a week.

00:36:01Because if someone goes on a trip or something.

00:36:03Because whenever I had to travel for my work.

00:36:05So I used to try to take the kids with me.

00:36:08And whether it's any corner of the world.

00:36:11Yes.

00:36:11So I used to take a holiday very easily.

00:36:14Yes.

00:36:15Not on a regular basis.

00:36:16No, sometimes.

00:36:16Not in normal circumstances.

00:36:17But when we have to go somewhere.

00:36:20Or there is a place where there is a bonding.

00:36:23Family, get together or something.

00:36:26So I would say school.

00:36:28You have to pass it.

00:36:29Okay, what kind of mother were you?

00:36:30Possessive mother or rough tough.

00:36:32Mother who raised children.

00:36:33I think both.

00:36:35Both.

00:36:35Yes, because there are also possessive mothers.

00:36:37Obviously, there are.

00:36:39And but the effort is that.

00:36:43I liked those people who.

00:36:45Despite having a car at home.

00:36:46Also used to travel their children on buses.

00:36:50And there are many people like that.

00:36:52There are not, but there are.

00:36:55And I get inspired by such people.

00:36:57Not that I was ever able to do that.

00:36:59I just did this.

00:37:01That I never had a lot of drivers.

00:37:03In any one time span.

00:37:06When I have some work.

00:37:08That I won't be able to manage.

00:37:11Time in the afternoon.

00:37:12Time to bring from school.

00:37:14Other than that, I never kept a driver.

00:37:16You used to drop them yourself.

00:37:17Yes, I used to drop the kids from school.

00:37:20When you see Meena now.

00:37:22And you know, sometimes you see.

00:37:23So you feel a little bit like.

00:37:25I have raised a good girl.

00:37:27Is it okay or wrong?

00:37:28Yes, I mean, the work is fine.

00:37:30What do you see?

00:37:31I don't know.

00:37:31I want you to share with other women.

00:37:34What things have you taken care of?

00:37:36Whose fruit you have now seen in your children.

00:37:39There are days when I feel.

00:37:42This is fine.

00:37:44And there are days when I feel.

00:37:45What have I done?

00:37:47Why didn't I explain this to him properly?

00:37:49Why didn't I know how to explain?

00:37:51Why couldn't I explain this to him?

00:37:53So this is the way it is.

00:37:54And it will be like this all your life.

00:37:57You will feel that it is wrong.

00:37:59And then a moment will come.

00:38:01When you will feel that you have become absolutely fine.

00:38:03As long as your children are small.

00:38:05Small like this.

00:38:06School.

00:38:08School.

00:38:08Just school.

00:38:10So you feel that this is absolutely fine.

00:38:11I have done everything right.

00:38:12Because by then they are learning something new every day.

00:38:15They are making you proud.

00:38:16And they are taking good marks.

00:38:18Yes, they are studying well.

00:38:19And they are doing everything well.

00:38:21They are listening to you too.

00:38:23Because they are very dependent.

00:38:25So you feel that I have raised the right kids.

00:38:28And after that, those same kids go to college.

00:38:30And then they go to university.

00:38:32And then they don't agree with you.

00:38:35And then they start making their own personalities.

00:38:38And then that time comes.

00:38:40When those personalities are not the way you want to see them.

00:38:44Wrong or right.

00:38:45You can be wrong.

00:38:46Because what you want to see may not be right.

00:38:49So you feel that I haven't done anything right.

00:38:51I have done everything wrong.

00:38:53So I used to think many times.

00:38:55If 14-15 years ago someone would have asked me.

00:38:59What kind of mother are you?

00:38:59I would have said, excellent.

00:39:01And today if someone asks me, what kind of mother are you?

00:39:04I would say, I don't know.

00:39:06Or flop.

00:39:07Because this is a very difficult task.

00:39:10And this is a task.

00:39:13But still, this is a task.

00:39:15This is not fun.

00:39:16We have taught the basics to the kids.

00:39:19Now they have a different individual personality.

00:39:22We can't make them our own image.

00:39:24It can't be like that.

00:39:26And we don't want to make it.

00:39:28We want to make them better than us.

00:39:30We want to see them achieve more than us.

00:39:36Not in terms of money.

00:39:38But in terms of goodness.

00:39:39In terms of making them good people.

00:39:42Make them behave with people better than us.

00:39:48Make them grounded.

00:39:51Make them know how to run a house.

00:39:52Make them not get angry at everything.

00:39:56Make them know how to take on any situation head on.

00:39:59Exactly.

00:40:00Actually important.

00:40:01Yes.

00:40:02When they go into a difficult situation.

00:40:04And how we have handled it.

00:40:06Whether it is a mother-in-law or daughter-in-law.

00:40:08Whether it is the issues of in-laws.

00:40:12Whether it is a small quarrel with her husband.

00:40:16How will they tackle it?

00:40:19I would like to ask you here.

00:40:23What should be done at that time?

00:40:24Because you will often see mothers.

00:40:26We see it in our dramas as well.

00:40:28That in spoiling a girl's house.

00:40:31All the blame is put on the mother.

00:40:33That the mother must have scolded her.

00:40:35Your mother must have taught you.

00:40:37If we see that.

00:40:38So what should be the role of the mother at that time?

00:40:41That when the girl is married.

00:40:43And she is getting settled in her house.

00:40:45So how to take the mothers along.

00:40:47Because this is a new thing for them as well.

00:40:49If your first daughter is married.

00:40:51How to handle it at that time?

00:40:53When your daughter used to come and tell the school.

00:40:57My friend did this to me.

00:41:00Something was happening in your heart.

00:41:02Absolutely.

00:41:03You used to feel bad for your child.

00:41:05In fact, when your daughter's in-laws are there.

00:41:09If she comes from there and does her catharsis.

00:41:13In front of her parents.

00:41:15So how to tackle it at that time?

00:41:17What to do?

00:41:17Can't be quiet.

00:41:19Will you give him 10,000 of your advice?

00:41:21Yes, but I don't think the mother should study too much.

00:41:26It is said so.

00:41:27It is said, but it is a very difficult task.

00:41:31Because if the girl is complaining.

00:41:34That this has happened, then the heart does it.

00:41:38If something like this happens, then the heart stops.

00:41:40So you should try not to interfere too much.

00:41:46But make the girl understand.

00:41:47This is a difficult task.

00:41:48This is a difficult task, but this is what we were saying.

00:41:51That you think you sent the child to her house.

00:41:54Sir, it is not for the daughter, it is for both.

00:41:58You made her start her life.

00:42:00You sent her to the life whose responsibility is this.

00:42:03Your work is over.

00:42:04No, the difficult work has just started.

00:42:06Because now this child is the one who used to come from school.

00:42:09He used to tell you that my friend will fight.

00:42:11He won't tell you, maybe.

00:42:13But he is your child.

00:42:15You will see his face.

00:42:16And you will think that this face is not right.

00:42:19Exactly.

00:42:21And you don't want her to tell you.

00:42:23Yet you want to know.

00:42:24What happened to him?

00:42:26Why is she behaving like this today?

00:42:29Yes.

00:42:30This is the most difficult time.

00:42:33Then your child tells you.

00:42:36That no, no, no, no, he did this to me.

00:42:38This happened, this happened, we are doing this.

00:42:43And your first reaction is that.

00:42:47Oh God, who are these people and what are they doing?

00:42:51But that's where you need to check yourself.

00:42:53Stop.

00:42:54First of all, he is your child.

00:42:56He has done this to you too.

00:42:58Okay?

00:42:59You know exactly how hyper he is.

00:43:02How sane he is.

00:43:04How smart he is in situations.

00:43:06You shouldn't give the whole blame to others.

00:43:08You should give it to your child.

00:43:10Because you know him better than yourself.

00:43:14When he used to fight with you.

00:43:17You were very unhappy.

00:43:18Today he will fight with someone and complain to you.

00:43:22And you will agree.

00:43:24That's the thing.

00:43:24How did you think that you won't agree?

00:43:28You don't know anything about that one person.

00:43:31So I always say this.

00:43:34Because at that time you should keep your motherhood aside.

00:43:37And you are a judge.

00:43:39Exactly.

00:43:40So I normally, in such a situation.

00:43:43I say, look, this is your thing.

00:43:45You are saying this and I am listening.

00:43:48So I don't know about the other side.

00:43:51So either you allow me to know about the other side.

00:43:56That I go and ask.

00:43:58You don't want me to interfere in your married life also.

00:44:01Because I know that you are fighting right now.

00:44:04I have been there and done that.

00:44:06Tomorrow you will say that she is just a child and not a husband.

00:44:09Exactly.

00:44:11That's absolutely right.

00:44:12Exactly.

00:44:12We will come back after a short break.

00:44:14Because we get stuck here.

00:44:19We can see everything from Google.

00:44:21But Google doesn't tell us.

00:44:24We have to bear it ourselves.

00:44:26So what Google doesn't tell us, experiences tell us.

00:44:29Listening, understanding.

00:44:31Somewhere, someone's point in your life.

00:44:34And our mothers come in our minds.

00:44:36Exactly.

00:44:37They tell us something that is useful for us today.

00:44:41Exactly.

00:44:42Good morning, Pakistan.

00:44:53Welcome.

00:44:54Welcome back.

00:44:55Good morning, Pakistan.

00:44:56Today we are discussing how to raise daughters.

00:45:00We don't want a delicate and submissive daughter.

00:45:07We want a daughter who is educated.

00:45:11And she has to carry on with her generation.

00:45:15She should know what to do and what not to do.

00:45:18And she shouldn't be too dependent.

00:45:20We used to raise very dependent daughters.

00:45:23Dad or brother is picking her up from college and leaving her.

00:45:27What to do now?

00:45:28She used to be very timid.

00:45:29But like Haseena Mohan's heroines used to be timid.

00:45:34But today's daughters are different.

00:45:36Actually, Haseena's heroines were never timid.

00:45:40Yes.

00:45:41I mean, in those days...

00:45:44Now we are more timid.

00:45:46Maybe.

00:45:47In your dramas, we used to call many girls timid, dangerous.

00:45:51Crying, smoking.

00:45:52I don't know why we are doing that.

00:45:53But Haseena...

00:45:55Haseena's heroines used to be innocent.

00:45:58And she used to be confident.

00:46:01A change happened in her life and...

00:46:04Shezuri, Ankahi, Tanhaiya.

00:46:05All the women were strong girls.

00:46:08Strong girls but not innocent.

00:46:10Yes, those.

00:46:11The ones who used to throw bombs.

00:46:12Yes, those things.

00:46:13Farah Nadeem has joined in as well.

00:46:15Hello.

00:46:16Hello.

00:46:17Welcome to our conversation.

00:46:18Thank you.

00:46:19How to raise daughters.

00:46:21I have spoken to both of them.

00:46:23I would like to talk to you as well.

00:46:24Because, by the grace of God, you have seen your daughter.

00:46:27The way you have raised your daughter.

00:46:29And the way you have made her independent.

00:46:32You have taken everything with you.

00:46:33Marriage, children, doctor.

00:46:36Then becoming a doctor abroad.

00:46:38Along with education, you have taken everything with you.

00:46:41So, please give us some tips for that as well.

00:46:44See, obviously, when we get married, we are young as well.

00:46:48But I have noted that daughters are a shadow of their mother.

00:46:53The way a mother talks to her children.

00:46:56She sees how a mother gets up, how a mother sits.

00:46:59How she behaves with her elders.

00:47:01So, mothers should be an example to their daughters.

00:47:05If you have a hard time, it is not necessary to shout at your children.

00:47:09Or whatever problems you have in front of them, you should talk about it.

00:47:13First of all, I don't understand this thing at all.

00:47:16That you should discuss your family's issues with your husband or mother-in-law.

00:47:21You should talk to your children in a cool and loving manner.

00:47:25See, in the olden days, when children were brought up in a joint family system.

00:47:28They used to learn all the techniques or politics.

00:47:33Like, how should our mother behave with her mother-in-law or sister-in-law.

00:47:37Now, when families have started to separate.

00:47:39So, the children don't know these things like politics.

00:47:43Which is also said that they are not able to play in their own field.

00:47:49It is not a good thing that they have this kind of politics.

00:47:52But, they should have a shield to protect themselves.

00:47:56To protect yourself, first of all, you should be perfect in education.

00:48:00You should be perfect in studies.

00:48:02If you are financially strong, no one can defeat you in life.

00:48:06If a girl is good in studies and has a good career.

00:48:10Then, no one can defeat her in life.

00:48:12There are many such women and girls who have excelled.

00:48:17They have taken up positions and have done everything.

00:48:19You can get them any job.

00:48:20But, when it came to their family and they had to settle in their life.

00:48:25Then, they failed.

00:48:27They were not able to lead their life properly.

00:48:30If you make them sit in an office, they will manage it very well.

00:48:34But, sometimes, because I get messages personally.

00:48:38A girl messaged me.

00:48:39I had started a new morning show.

00:48:41It had been 2-3 years.

00:48:43She messaged me that I am a doctor and I am a position holder.

00:48:46But, I am sitting at home and I am very depressed.

00:48:49Because, I am not able to handle my house.

00:48:52I am not able to understand how to handle my mother-in-law.

00:48:55I mean, those were the girls who were stuck in their family problems.

00:48:58I think time teaches you.

00:49:00As the girls study, go for their jobs and go for their family life.

00:49:05With time, they learn all these things.

00:49:08When the girls are unmarried, I think no one goes to the kitchen.

00:49:11They don't cook. They are busy in their studies.

00:49:14But, with time, they learn everything.

00:49:16Similarly, when your mother-in-law behaves with you in a certain way,

00:49:20time teaches you how to deal with her.

00:49:23Because, everyone has a different mother-in-law's nature.

00:49:26You cannot teach her from the beginning.

00:49:28The first priority is to train the girl well.

00:49:32How to train her?

00:49:33Teach her your values.

00:49:36How to talk to elders?

00:49:37How to sit at home?

00:49:39And, how to progress in studies?

00:49:41Because, I think every girl needs to study

00:49:44because it makes a whole generation.

00:49:46A girl becomes a whole generation with a mother.

00:49:50So, the generation of 4-5 kids who are going to move forward,

00:49:54we have to teach them how to nurture that generation.

00:49:57There are a lot of families who say,

00:49:58Aunty, invest in your son.

00:50:00Yes.

00:50:01But, what will the daughter do?

00:50:03She has to get married.

00:50:05What will she do? She will say, leave it.

00:50:06Don't work so hard. Your skin will turn black.

00:50:08How will you get married?

00:50:09A lot of people have this concept in their minds.

00:50:14So, invest in the girls.

00:50:15Invest in the concept that if you are being taught,

00:50:18you have to...

00:50:18So, if the girls don't want to study,

00:50:20leave it. What will you do?

00:50:21Yes.

00:50:22What will she do?

00:50:23People have this kind of mind.

00:50:24So, what do you say about them?

00:50:26I think that the son is a son.

00:50:29But, he is your son till the marriage.

00:50:33Yes.

00:50:33There is no guarantee after that.

00:50:35Yes.

00:50:35The daughter is your daughter for the rest of her life.

00:50:38Even if she goes to another house.

00:50:39Yes.

00:50:39She belongs to her parents.

00:50:40Yes.

00:50:41She takes care of her.

00:50:43She takes care of her.

00:50:44Even if your parents get old,

00:50:46you still have daughters.

00:50:47Yes.

00:50:48So, the son is...

00:50:49No doubt, the sons are also very good.

00:50:51But, the son is your son till the marriage.

00:50:54Yes.

00:50:54There is a bonus after that.

00:50:56You know, the parents are such that...

00:51:00They know what to do.

00:51:01They make their daughter-in-law their daughter-in-law.

00:51:03They make her their daughter-in-law.

00:51:03Yes.

00:51:04Because, in girls,

00:51:06in women,

00:51:07there is a quality that they will unite.

00:51:09Yes.

00:51:10They will also break it.

00:51:11They will also break it.

00:51:12Isn't it?

00:51:12Yes.

00:51:12So, if you are saying that

00:51:15the son is yours till the marriage,

00:51:17after that, if we make the daughter-in-law our daughter-in-law.

00:51:19This is what I am saying.

00:51:19Then, it will be so easy for us.

00:51:21Then, the fight will end.

00:51:22But, the daughter-in-law should also be ready to be a daughter.

00:51:24But, there is action from both sides.

00:51:26There is action from both sides.

00:51:27This is the same thing that

00:51:29you can win the heart with love.

00:51:32Yes.

00:51:33If there is confusion,

00:51:34if there is someone,

00:51:36if someone's words have hurt each other,

00:51:38or if one has hurt the other,

00:51:41then, leave it.

00:51:42Move ahead.

00:51:43With love.

00:51:44Yes.

00:51:44Okay, one thing.

00:51:46I want to ask all three of you.

00:51:47How to make a daughter strong?

00:51:50What is the thing that makes her strong?

00:51:52Because, naturally,

00:51:53if you have three daughters,

00:51:54then, from that, personality wise,

00:51:56someone is physically strong.

00:51:58Someone is mentally strong.

00:52:01She will take all the things.

00:52:03Sometimes, she will be down.

00:52:05If it comes to your life,

00:52:06then, your daughters will be different.

00:52:09Look, if you have your daughters since childhood,

00:52:11then, tell them such stories since childhood.

00:52:14Tell them such things,

00:52:16so that they get a positive impact.

00:52:18Activate them in physical games.

00:52:20I taught my daughter horse riding.

00:52:22I taught her swimming.

00:52:23When she was studying,

00:52:25I taught her that

00:52:26in the future, if she goes to any field,

00:52:28then, she has to be physically strong.

00:52:30If she is mentally strong,

00:52:32but, if she is physically standing in a field for 24 hours,

00:52:36Did you teach her how to cook in the kitchen?

00:52:38No, I didn't teach her.

00:52:39In our house, we mostly teach this.

00:52:41I didn't let her come to the kitchen.

00:52:42I used to tell her to complete her task.

00:52:45You have to do medical.

00:52:47Study.

00:52:47After that, now, she is doing it.

00:52:49So, what I mean to say is...

00:52:50Because, when you are saying this to your daughters,

00:52:52when you tell your daughters that

00:52:54this is your task at this time,

00:52:56then, when her task is to keep food on the table in the kitchen,

00:53:00then, she will do that task as well.

00:53:01Because, you told her that

00:53:03this is your task at this time.

00:53:05You put this thing in her upbringing

00:53:07that, you have to fulfill the priority at this time.

00:53:11And, your tasks will come.

00:53:12Your roles will keep changing.

00:53:14You will be a mother one day.

00:53:15You will be a wife.

00:53:17Only a wife for some time.

00:53:20You will become a part of a new family.

00:53:23You have to take that family along.

00:53:24All these are your tasks.

00:53:26Whenever, whatever task comes,

00:53:28you will do it in the best way.

00:53:32And, when you are working hard in front of her,

00:53:36then, your daughter will do the same.

00:53:38If you are lying down in front of her,

00:53:40watching TV,

00:53:41you are fighting with her.

00:53:43And, you are badmouthing your mother-in-law,

00:53:45badmouthing your grandmother,

00:53:46then, your children will do the same.

00:53:48My...

00:53:49Often, her grandparents used to say,

00:53:51what are you doing?

00:53:52She doesn't know how to cook.

00:53:53She doesn't know how to make roti.

00:53:54She is a girl. What will she do?

00:53:56I said, don't worry.

00:53:57She will do everything.

00:53:59And, when she got married,

00:54:00she took care of her house,

00:54:01took care of her medical expenses,

00:54:02then, she would say,

00:54:02yes, mother, you did a good job.

00:54:03My mother used to say,

00:54:05educate your daughter.

00:54:07She will learn everything.

00:54:08She will take care of everything.

00:54:10Today, there is YouTube.

00:54:11If you educate your daughter,

00:54:14there is YouTube,

00:54:15make her smart,

00:54:16she will know what she has to learn.

00:54:18Exactly.

00:54:19She won't even know how to boil an egg.

00:54:21If she is smart,

00:54:23she will learn everything.

00:54:25If you don't make her smart,

00:54:27she won't even know how to cook.

00:54:29All kids are doing this these days.

00:54:31No one has learnt how to cook from their homes.

00:54:34Even, potato and meat.

00:54:36Exactly.

00:54:36They watch and because we have fed them,

00:54:40they know the taste.

00:54:41They know what to achieve.

00:54:43Eventually, what taste do they want?

00:54:45Because they have eaten good food.

00:54:47So, they watch and learn the same trick.

00:54:50Then, they will call you or me.

00:54:54Or, they will call the cook at home.

00:54:56How to cook something local.

00:54:59So, she learns like this.

00:55:01Or, she opens YouTube and says,

00:55:03mom, I have made pasta today.

00:55:06Today, I have tried a new Lasagna recipe.

00:55:10If the kids qualify in their field

00:55:14and become successful,

00:55:16then it is not a big deal for them.

00:55:17Cooking is not a big deal.

00:55:20It gives them confidence.

00:55:21Yes.

00:55:21When we deal with patients like this,

00:55:24who are undergoing surgeries all day long,

00:55:26then it is not a big deal.

00:55:28So, she tells me,

00:55:29mom, it is not a big deal.

00:55:30I have cooked everything in half an hour.

00:55:32It was not a big deal.

00:55:33When your daughters did this job?

00:55:36Yes, my daughter was doing this job.

00:55:39She was in an advertising company before marriage.

00:55:41After that, she has continued her work.

00:55:44Okay.

00:55:44So, it is good that the kids keep working.

00:55:46Do you think that daughters should be working?

00:55:49Absolutely.

00:55:50Girls should be working.

00:55:51Absolutely.

00:55:52Even the one in the middle is working.

00:55:55Okay.

00:55:56She is in her last year.

00:55:58She is in NCEA.

00:56:00Okay.

00:56:00She is working, so we are telling her to do everything.

00:56:04There is no life without work.

00:56:07So, when you get married and your husband gives you permission,

00:56:10then do it.

00:56:11You should do it and give him permission.

00:56:13If both of you work together,

00:56:15then it will be better.

00:56:16What do you think parents should do

00:56:20to make girls confident?

00:56:21See, there is no such thing as being confident.

00:56:26When you give the kids the freedom to make their own decisions,

00:56:31that is when you tell them to be confident.

00:56:34If your child wants to study something else,

00:56:38or wants to dress up in a certain way,

00:56:40which we do now,

00:56:42even if we feel that something is wrong,

00:56:46we tell them to take it easy.

00:56:48We tell them that something is wrong.

00:56:52But you let them make mistakes as well.

00:56:57Because when they learn by making mistakes,

00:56:59they will remember it for a long time.

00:57:05So, I think they should let them make their own decisions.

00:57:08You should be there.

00:57:09Yes, I think there should be a limit.

00:57:12We see so many kids who are immature.

00:57:15If we let them be,

00:57:16then if they make a wrong decision,

00:57:19then it will be difficult for them in the future.

00:57:21You will be there for them.

00:57:23You won't let them make a big mistake.

00:57:25You should keep an eye on everything.

00:57:28Because our job as parents is to keep an eye on them.

00:57:32Where are they going? When are they coming?

00:57:33We know that if they are in their teenage,

00:57:35then they are immature.

00:57:37They are very quick.

00:57:38It is very dangerous.

00:57:39We have to keep an eye on them until they are in their twenties.

00:57:44So, yes, we let them make some decisions.

00:57:46But my daughter didn't want to go to medical school.

00:57:50She was a bit lazy when she was in 9th grade.

00:57:53So, I gave her a suggestion.

00:57:54I told her to enter medical school.

00:57:57Because I felt very proud that my daughter entered medical school.

00:58:01She did science.

00:58:02She can look ahead after that.

00:58:04So, this was my suggestion.

00:58:06She didn't want to do it.

00:58:07Because kids are very confused.

00:58:08When they have to choose a subject,

00:58:10they don't know it themselves.

00:58:12You know it is their childhood dream.

00:58:14That they have to do this.

00:58:16But when it comes to choosing a subject,

00:58:18when it comes to choosing a career,

00:58:20the kids will look at their friends.

00:58:22She is going there, so I have to do the same.

00:58:24Many kids are being asked, what will you do?

00:58:26I don't know.

00:58:26I don't know what to do.

00:58:27I don't understand anything.

00:58:28So, I ask her what to do.

00:58:29I don't know.

00:58:30So, I told her to take up medical school.

00:58:32If she can't do it, then leave it after entering.

00:58:35So, when she did it,

00:58:36when she entered, she enjoyed it.

00:58:38She said, I will do it further.

00:58:40So, it was a suggestion and she agreed.

00:58:42So, we should guide them.

00:58:43Yes, that's true.

00:58:44We shouldn't leave them.

00:58:45That's true.

00:58:47But if they don't feel that they can't do it,

00:58:51then we should let them do it.

00:58:53You should be friendly.

00:58:54Especially to your mother.

00:58:55Your father is busy.

00:58:56There is a very fine line between friendly and strict.

00:59:01When you have to be strict,

00:59:04when you have to be their friend.

00:59:06This is the whole game of timing in upbringing.

00:59:08Exactly.

00:59:09But if you are friendly,

00:59:10then you will get to know about them.

00:59:12And they will be able to discuss things with you.

00:59:15Sometimes, they climb on our heads.

00:59:16They are very friendly.

00:59:17So, they climb on our heads and dance with us.

00:59:19It is said that your children will get many friends in life.

00:59:22They will get only one parent.

00:59:24Exactly.

00:59:25So, be their parents.

00:59:26Don't be their friends.

00:59:28Yes.

00:59:28So, it's okay.

00:59:29It's not like parents are like executioners.

00:59:32Yes, not like that.

00:59:33But you...

00:59:33It's such a thing that they can share it with you.

00:59:35Yes, exactly.

00:59:37It's the same thing.

00:59:37Parents have to take many forms.

00:59:40Sometimes, they have to be friends.

00:59:41Sometimes, they have to be parents.

00:59:43Sometimes, they have to be executioners.

00:59:46Because when the children don't understand,

00:59:48then it's important that you dominate them a little

00:59:51and guide them towards the right path.

00:59:54We are taking a short break.

00:59:55Keep watching Good Morning Pakistan after the break.

01:00:08Welcome. Welcome back.

01:00:10Good morning, Pakistan.

01:00:12And right now, in this segment,

01:00:14because this is the last segment of my show with you all,

01:00:17what we have to talk about is the marriage of daughters.

01:00:23Because we teach them, educate them, train them.

01:00:26That is half of their life.

01:00:27Half of their life is spent with their partner, their husband.

01:00:32Their selection...

01:00:34In most marriages, it's a custom to arrange marriages.

01:00:39Basically, half of the boys' life is spent with their partner.

01:00:45They spend their entire life with their partner.

01:00:49But since we are discussing daughters, we will talk about that only.

01:00:53Their spouse, the search for a son-in-law,

01:00:56or how the son-in-law should be.

01:00:58Everyone has their own criteria.

01:01:01As a father, what do you think?

01:01:04Because the son-in-law is more important than the father.

01:01:08Yes, a daughter should be given a chance

01:01:12that if she likes someone,

01:01:15or if she has someone in mind,

01:01:16or if she has an ideal in her mind,

01:01:18like if she understands her father,

01:01:20then asking her this becomes our duty.

01:01:23And after that, if she says,

01:01:26I don't have anyone like that,

01:01:28then you can go towards an arranged marriage.

01:01:29For example, I'm talking generally, not personally.

01:01:34If a daughter likes someone,

01:01:36who a father thinks doesn't meet her daughter's standards,

01:01:41like I've taught my daughter,

01:01:43she's beautiful, she's cute,

01:01:45she can have a better future.

01:01:49And the family she has...

01:01:51Because we don't just choose a boy,

01:01:52we choose his family as well.

01:01:55It's an entire family.

01:01:56So, what criteria should she set?

01:01:59How should she explain it to the child?

01:02:00First of all, she should look at the family.

01:02:02Because two families meet.

01:02:05The boy and the girl have to spend their lives together,

01:02:08but the two families should look at each other.

01:02:12So, it's very important to look at the family.

01:02:13And obviously, if the boy doesn't understand something,

01:02:18as parents have their own experience,

01:02:21then you can explain it to the child.

01:02:23Like, son, it's not like this.

01:02:26It's not right for you.

01:02:27No.

01:02:28And the child should understand.

01:02:31And all these things are very important.

01:02:34Because life starts from here.

01:02:36Sometimes, parents are right.

01:02:38Sometimes, parents are not right.

01:02:41And it's good for both of them.

01:02:43Because relationships are made in heaven.

01:02:45But for your satisfaction,

01:02:48for your satisfaction, you must judge someone.

01:02:51Like, he's right, he works.

01:02:53How will he live?

01:02:55How is his health?

01:02:56We have a trend that when a girl's proposal comes,

01:02:59to investigate, the father goes to her office,

01:03:03neighbours, he investigates all these things.

01:03:05Yes, everyone does this.

01:03:08If a relationship comes that you don't know,

01:03:10and you know it too,

01:03:12then obviously, it becomes your duty and your responsibility

01:03:15to at least satisfy yourself.

01:03:19So, you have to look at these things.

01:03:20So, obviously, people ask each other.

01:03:22And you should do it.

01:03:25Are you kidding me?

01:03:27What do you say to the question,

01:03:29when you have to get your daughter married,

01:03:32what should you think about?

01:03:34Look, whether it's a daughter or a son,

01:03:38the children know what they want in their life partner.

01:03:41And it's not like they think about it.

01:03:43They know what kind of people they should be with.

01:03:47And where they want to go in life.

01:03:51But the things that are important for parents to see,

01:03:54is that wherever their daughter is going,

01:03:59they shouldn't restrict her.

01:04:01It shouldn't be that if she wants to work,

01:04:04then they should stop her.

01:04:06She should get permission.

01:04:10I think this is a bit of a disappointment.

01:04:14If someone wants to work,

01:04:16why should they get permission for it?

01:04:19Most of the relationships here are like this.

01:04:21They want a doctor daughter-in-law.

01:04:24But they have to show off in front of the family.

01:04:28That our daughter-in-law is a doctor.

01:04:30She's a doctor, so she's at home.

01:04:32And there are some girls who don't want to do anything after marriage.

01:04:36We want to be housewives.

01:04:39It's their wish.

01:04:40It's their wish.

01:04:42Absolutely.

01:04:43In such a situation, you have to tell them,

01:04:45that it's possible that you might get less or more.

01:04:48So, you'll manage with whatever happens.

01:04:50And of course, when that doesn't happen,

01:04:52she'll increase her resources on her own.

01:04:55But there are some things that are completely red flags.

01:04:59You have to see if this person wants to go to work or not.

01:05:06Because the real thing is that in our set-up,

01:05:10and in any set-up in the world,

01:05:12it's the man's responsibility to run the house.

01:05:15And when we send our daughters to the next house,

01:05:18even if they're so blinded by love at that time,

01:05:26that they feel that it doesn't matter to them,

01:05:28that he's not working or doing anything,

01:05:30but you have to tell them.

01:05:32That it's only a matter of four days, if that's the case.

01:05:36And after that, whatever you were getting in this house,

01:05:40at least that you need to move forward.

01:05:42What you're used to.

01:05:43Yes.

01:05:44The boys should also know,

01:05:45by including any girl in their life,

01:05:47that what kind of a house she's coming from.

01:05:50And how she was living.

01:05:51And what kind of freedom she had.

01:05:53Or how she was pampered in her house.

01:05:57What kind of love and affection she was given.

01:05:59She needs all that.

01:06:01Absolutely.

01:06:02So, you have to keep your eyes open for the red flags.

01:06:05If there's a boy who your daughter likes a lot,

01:06:10but you're also finding out that he makes her unhappy.

01:06:15Because sometimes he objects to it.

01:06:17Or he tells her that this thing is not right.

01:06:20So, after fixing the matter,

01:06:21should we keep a time period like that?

01:06:23Yes, exactly.

01:06:24It should be there.

01:06:25I think that the tradition of engagement in our country,

01:06:30is a very good tradition.

01:06:31That you do it and give time to the kids.

01:06:34A lot of people don't even let each other talk.

01:06:36Even after the engagement and fixing the matter.

01:06:39Do you think they should let their daughters do it?

01:06:41Absolutely.

01:06:42So that God forbid,

01:06:44sometimes wrong decisions are made by the parents too.

01:06:48They're not angels, they're humans.

01:06:50Absolutely.

01:06:50I think that you shouldn't get married.

01:06:54You should get engaged.

01:06:55And you should give time to the engagement.

01:06:57At least six months.

01:06:59Two people get to know each other in six months.

01:07:01Absolutely.

01:07:02They don't know each other as much as they do in a love marriage.

01:07:05Even in a six month marriage,

01:07:08if you're talking to each other.

01:07:10In our time, we used to do it over the phone.

01:07:13We didn't even get to meet.

01:07:14Even the cities were different from each other.

01:07:16But you could understand each other.

01:07:18And obviously, you've given your daughter so much wisdom,

01:07:22that she knows what's right and what's wrong.

01:07:24When something goes wrong, she'll know.

01:07:25But she has a very tight blindfold on her eyes.

01:07:28Yes, but you'll know.

01:07:31If something goes wrong with her,

01:07:33she'll either tell you a little,

01:07:34or you'll know from her face that something is wrong.

01:07:39And then they tell.

01:07:40When you ask, she'll tell you what's going on with her.

01:07:43So, a little more.

01:07:45It's the same thing as giving confidence.

01:07:47In life, we've given her so much confidence

01:07:49that if she makes a wrong decision with you,

01:07:51or with us,

01:07:52we'll change it.

01:07:53We'll change it.

01:07:54It's necessary.

01:07:55I think our religion has also given us permission

01:07:58to ask for her choice.

01:08:01So, obviously, we should know her choice.

01:08:04But I think that when a boy likes someone,

01:08:08the basic thing to look at is that

01:08:10obviously, the boy must be studying at that time.

01:08:13He won't be as financially strong.

01:08:14He won't be as strong as you guys are.

01:08:16Don't look at how rich he is.

01:08:18Look at his education.

01:08:20Look at his family background.

01:08:22Where does that family belong?

01:08:24If he has a good family background and good education,

01:08:27then he will always keep your daughter happy.

01:08:30So, when you look at his family...

01:08:31Okay, let's look at everything.

01:08:32Parents get a little worried.

01:08:35Okay, his future looks good.

01:08:37But he doesn't have a home yet.

01:08:38He has six sisters.

01:08:40So, if he has one brother, he'll be more responsible.

01:08:43Parents are also looking at this.

01:08:46They get a little selfish for their daughter.

01:08:49But you...

01:08:49He has a big house.

01:08:50All the responsibility will be on his son.

01:08:52Parents should guide their children.

01:08:54They should explain to them.

01:08:55They should give them some advice.

01:08:57But you shouldn't stop them.

01:08:59If they like him,

01:09:01then you should see that if the boy is studying,

01:09:04you should see that his future is bright.

01:09:06And when you go and check that he has a good character,

01:09:11it's also important to have a strong character.

01:09:13Yes.

01:09:14With a family background,

01:09:15you should know the individual character of your son.

01:09:17Exactly.

01:09:18What kind of a person he is.

01:09:19So, when you meet him,

01:09:21wherever he is studying,

01:09:23or wherever he sits and stands,

01:09:26you can find out from him.

01:09:28So, I think the rest of the work is about luck.

01:09:31Luck plays a very big role.

01:09:33No matter how much you look at it,

01:09:34no matter how much you understand it,

01:09:36no matter how much you arrange it,

01:09:37no matter how lucky he is in his love marriage,

01:09:40it will go very well.

01:09:41I think you should try to an extent

01:09:43to know and understand each other.

01:09:46After that, leave it to God.

01:09:47Yes.

01:09:48Because God is sitting above.

01:09:50He has to make the pair.

01:09:51He has to run their lives.

01:09:53So, pray for the best.

01:09:55Yes.

01:09:55That their lives should be good.

01:09:57That there shouldn't be any problem.

01:09:59And they should be happy like this.

01:10:00I think we should leave it to God.

01:10:03And we should try our best.

01:10:05Now, my next question is,

01:10:07when the girls get married,

01:10:09after that, how much interference

01:10:11do we have to keep in their homes?

01:10:13We haven't been able to decide this either.

01:10:14Very less.

01:10:15Very less.

01:10:16As parents.

01:10:17See, when the girls are new,

01:10:19they want to call their mothers and tell them a lot of things.

01:10:23Don't encourage them.

01:10:24Yes.

01:10:25Tell them that a new life has started.

01:10:27Set up your life.

01:10:28Set up your life.

01:10:29That means we should do a bit of fire brigade work.

01:10:32Keep watering the plants.

01:10:33Exactly.

01:10:33Keep watering the plants all the time.

01:10:35If you tell them,

01:10:36Oh God, this happened.

01:10:37So, you should do the same.

01:10:38Oh God, this happened.

01:10:39So, the girls will get more confidence.

01:10:40Let them be.

01:10:42Yes.

01:10:42Let them settle in that life.

01:10:44They will settle and move forward on their own.

01:10:46When you interfere too much,

01:10:48they will get a chance.

01:10:49And then fights start like this.

01:10:51And mothers should stay at a distance.

01:10:54Give them some time.

01:10:55So that they settle with their husband and their in-laws.

01:10:58If it's a joint family,

01:10:59then there are more problems there.

01:11:01There are a lot of complaints.

01:11:03Oh, sister-in-law did that.

01:11:04She did this.

01:11:06She got this in food today.

01:11:07She didn't get this today.

01:11:08So,

01:11:09we should say that the house is the same.

01:11:11Think before you move forward.

01:11:12And if there is a lot of...

01:11:14Genuinely, if the girl is stuck somewhere,

01:11:19God forbid,

01:11:20if someone has to go through this,

01:11:22genuinely,

01:11:23then how do we find out?

01:11:25Then the parents don't stay behind.

01:11:27Because it's the first time that our daughter has gone.

01:11:30We don't have any experiences either.

01:11:32Then I think we should support our daughter.

01:11:35Then we have to support her.

01:11:36You support her.

01:11:37You tell her that we are with you.

01:11:39So that the daughter doesn't keep getting beaten.

01:11:42Keeps getting suppressed inside.

01:11:44And gets more worried.

01:11:46Keeps crying.

01:11:46You don't know what's happening with the daughter.

01:11:49So I think we should fully support her.

01:11:50That if God forbid,

01:11:52if you really need us,

01:11:53I am there for you.

01:11:54That's it.

01:11:55I think we have done this before.

01:11:59When we have put her on her feet.

01:12:01We have told her that life is not just about your husband.

01:12:05You both are two wheels of a car.

01:12:07And you have to drive it together.

01:12:09And you should also be self-sufficient.

01:12:12So if God forbid,

01:12:14a situation like this comes up,

01:12:15then the child should know that

01:12:17now if I want to be alone,

01:12:20then I am not going back.

01:12:23Then I will make my own life.

01:12:25Then I am the one who wants to make my own house.

01:12:28I am the one who will live.

01:12:29Because now I have set my parents free.

01:12:34I have given all their responsibilities to my parents.

01:12:39Now I think I should go back there.

01:12:41Because they should have in their minds

01:12:44that we don't want to go back there.

01:12:45We don't want to give this fallback to our daughter.

01:12:48We want to tell her that it's fine.

01:12:49If you don't understand this,

01:12:52then before you leave him,

01:12:54start building a life for yourself.

01:12:56What do you want to do in the future?

01:12:57Start working for your future.

01:13:00If you are alone, then you have a house.

01:13:02You have a place to stay.

01:13:04Go on your own.

01:13:06Because within the parents...

01:13:08The parents will always be there.

01:13:09The strength and power within the parents

01:13:12obviously doesn't stay with their age.

01:13:15Of course.

01:13:15Which was there in the past.

01:13:17So that it can become a wall for them.

01:13:19Now that time has not come.

01:13:20Whether he goes back or...

01:13:22You keep going back and forth.

01:13:24He ran back to his parents.

01:13:25Now that time has not come.

01:13:26Now if you want to leave a man,

01:13:29then you should know that you have to stand on your own two feet.

01:13:33That's why we are saying that today's upbringing

01:13:36is a little different from the old upbringing.

01:13:39Earlier, you didn't have to become a bride when you grew up.

01:13:42You didn't have to become just a bride.

01:13:44Make your daughters strong enough

01:13:47that God forbid,

01:13:48which has been seen a lot these days

01:13:50that if a bad time comes on daughters,

01:13:52they themselves can take care of themselves.

01:13:55You should make them inbuilt.

01:13:57Like they come on TV,

01:13:58inbuilt that there is this thing in it.

01:14:01So in the same way, make the upbringing of your daughters in the same way

01:14:04that they become their own support.

01:14:08Instead of asking someone for support.

01:14:10Whenever they face any difficult time.

01:14:12Because fate is in the hands of God.

01:14:14You can't make it.

01:14:15You can give everything to your children.

01:14:17You can't give them fate.

01:14:19That's the thing.

01:14:20Right.

01:14:22Okay.

01:14:23One more important thing.

01:14:25That we save for our children.

01:14:29After taking out their expenses,

01:14:30we give them some property.

01:14:33So for the girls,

01:14:35like now if I am coming back again,

01:14:36they are getting married or their education or anything.

01:14:39How should parents save?

01:14:41I have often seen that women put a committee.

01:14:44They have a hand-to-mouth.

01:14:46They keep gold, put a committee.

01:14:49There are different ways.

01:14:52You should keep saving something.

01:14:54Like I did, I took an insurance policy.

01:14:57Okay.

01:14:57When she was young, I took her education policy.

01:15:00So when she was 18 years old, she got that policy.

01:15:03So her medical expenses were covered by that.

01:15:07So you don't have so much money at the time

01:15:11that you just spend it.

01:15:13So you have to put a committee or take insurance.

01:15:16Or you have taken a saving safety ticket

01:15:18and kept it in the name of the children

01:15:19that they have to work in the future.

01:15:21So at the time, I saw my personal experience

01:15:24that I got a lot of work.

01:15:26At that time, I didn't have so much money

01:15:29that I got this work.

01:15:31So it makes a lot of difference.

01:15:32You tell me a tip.

01:15:34Look, for children, saving is like they are born.

01:15:37We start thinking.

01:15:39Like taking a policy or putting money in a fixed deposit.

01:15:44That is its own place.

01:15:45But I think that children shouldn't have this idea

01:15:49that we are going to give you something.

01:15:52They don't even know that.

01:15:53They don't even know that.

01:15:55After 18 years, they don't know.

01:15:57And if they know that the house you are living in

01:16:00is yours and eventually it will be theirs after you.

01:16:05Even that is wrong.

01:16:06Ah!

01:16:07Yes.

01:16:07They should have this idea that this is my house.

01:16:11It is possible that when I die, I will take it to a charity.

01:16:14Yes.

01:16:15It is possible that I will blow it up before I die.

01:16:18Yes.

01:16:19It is possible that I will, you know...

01:16:21Yes, they shouldn't have this in their mind.

01:16:23Yes, I will spend it anywhere.

01:16:24If they don't have it in their mind, then what is the loss?

01:16:27This is not your heritage.

01:16:28That this is going on.

01:16:30You have your heritage.

01:16:32What do you think is the loss if they don't have it in their mind?

01:16:35Life becomes easy.

01:16:37If you tell them that I have saved money for your wedding,

01:16:39they will start making plans.

01:16:41That I want this for my wedding.

01:16:42I can see that the kids are doing it.

01:16:44Which is very wrong.

01:16:45Exactly.

01:16:46I mean, they want everything.

01:16:48They want the most expensive set up.

01:16:50They want the most expensive food.

01:16:52They want the most expensive dress.

01:16:55This is unfair.

01:16:56Along with saving, like I got married to my daughter.

01:17:00My experience is that,

01:17:02now what I will do, what I think and what my wife thinks,

01:17:06that we have spent a lot of money.

01:17:08Obviously, every parent does it.

01:17:10The money we spent on the wedding,

01:17:12and the useless things, the set up and things,

01:17:16and the many complications in the wedding,

01:17:19if we get married in a simple way,

01:17:22in a simple way,

01:17:23and the money we save, we give it to the kids.

01:17:25Exactly, that will be useful for them.

01:17:27That will be useful for them.

01:17:28If we spend money and feed people,

01:17:31people will forget.

01:17:32It's over, they will forget.

01:17:33They will forget, right?

01:17:33Yes.

01:17:34Who will remember what I fed them?

01:17:35No, there are 10 things in it.

01:17:37The food was not good.

01:17:38That is our memory.

01:17:39We have pictures, we have videos.

01:17:41That is for us.

01:17:42Exactly.

01:17:43What was for people?

01:17:44Now what happened?

01:17:45By doing so much and everything,

01:17:47the money you save,

01:17:49that is for your kids and for you two.

01:17:51You go and enjoy.

01:17:53This is an important thing that we don't do.

01:17:55This should be done.

01:17:56And now, God willing, we will do it.

01:17:57Yes, absolutely.

01:17:57I think everyone should do this.

01:17:59And how much do we spend?

01:18:00These days, people have come to the competition.

01:18:02The set up, the food, everything.

01:18:04It's appalling.

01:18:05Give it to the kids.

01:18:06It's appalling to see why this is so much.

01:18:09Yes.

01:18:10And everything is getting very expensive.

01:18:12Yes.

01:18:13How much will our parents get married?

01:18:16How much will we get married?

01:18:17How much will our kids enjoy?

01:18:18Exactly.

01:18:19For whom we are doing this.

01:18:21These things are changing.

01:18:22Thank you so much for your experiences.

01:18:26Obviously, the celebrities who come here,

01:18:29because they are not just playing one role.

01:18:32They are playing many roles in life.

01:18:34And you learn a lot from the scripts you are doing.

01:18:39Absolutely.

01:18:39Especially about practical life.

01:18:42So, you get to learn a lot whenever you come.

01:18:46Something like this happens.

01:18:47So, I hope you have learned a lot.

01:18:49And you must have noted down the points.

01:18:51Because if your kids haven't reached there yet,

01:18:54then they will reach.

01:18:55The same time will come for you.

01:18:57You will have to take the same decisions.

01:18:58Absolutely.

01:18:59It's a game of timing.

01:19:00Life is good.

01:19:01You can make the quality of life better.

01:19:03When you do everything according to the time.

01:19:07Thank you so much.

01:19:33She is waking everyone up.

01:19:36Yes, with flowers in her hair.

01:19:38The bird that has come.

01:19:41The morning that has come.

01:19:43The morning that has come.

01:19:48It's open, it's open, it's open.

01:19:50It's a little bit messy.

01:19:55It's a little bit mischievous.

01:19:58The morning that has come.

01:20:44And what has become now,

01:20:46I don't think I will be able to spend the rest of my life with it.

01:20:51Pack your stuff and get out of my house.

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