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Death spares no one...
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Death spares no one...
For more info on World Wide Wrestling visit https://ndpdesign.com/wwwrpg
SUBSCRIBE TO partsFUNknown: https://bit.ly/2J2Hl6q
TWITTER: https://twitter.com/partsfunknown
FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/partsfunknown/
#partsfunknown #wrestling #roleplayinggame
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FunTranscript
00:00:00 Hello I'm Adam Hailing from partsFUNknown and welcome back to part 2 of No Rolls Barred.
00:00:07 This one shot is all set in Victorian England and things are about to get truly horrifying.
00:00:15 Take it away Tom.
00:00:16 Hello and welcome back to part 2 of Cool Britannia Wrestling where the big boys are big boos.
00:00:29 I'm Tom Dredd of Creative here at CBW and these are our players.
00:00:35 I am Luke and I am playing Robert Scrooge, the veteran class.
00:00:40 I'm Lolo, I am playing Demonique and I am the addict.
00:00:44 Oi, I'm playing the Raven, the iconoclast.
00:00:50 Ey up cuckers, it's me, Adam, playing Invisible Man Helzing, who's also the iconoclast.
00:00:58 I'm Ollie, I'm playing Danger Bone and I'm a monster.
00:01:10 Right, let's do a fight.
00:01:17 We find ourselves back in the fighting pit of Cruel Britannia Wrestling as a small group
00:01:24 of stagehands wheel on a large wheeled case of as yet unknown things.
00:01:36 Leading the way in front of these hands, a man hidden from the public eye by wreaths
00:01:42 of bandages and layers of wool, the Invisible Man Helzing takes centre stage.
00:01:49 Ey up, we doing alright?
00:01:54 Cool.
00:01:56 The lovely people at Most Trendy Victorians, or MTV as they like to be known, would like
00:02:03 me to show all of you my collection of fine trinkets that I've collected from a life of
00:02:10 monster hunting.
00:02:12 Ooh.
00:02:13 So, let me see.
00:02:15 Now, I've got Grappler's Fangs, that's the newest addition to the collection, put them
00:02:22 there.
00:02:23 Here we've got The Hide of Dr Jekyll.
00:02:29 Ooh.
00:02:30 And here we've got a grotesque oil painting of Danny Doering and Grey.
00:02:38 That's disgusting, isn't it?
00:02:40 Then we've got these, three stuffed hounds of the Baskervilles, including the leader,
00:02:47 who's a really big dog.
00:02:52 Then we've got the mask that the Phenom of the Opera wore, which he had to wear after
00:02:57 Large Father V crushed his orbital bone.
00:03:01 We got the elephant gun of Alan Jones Quartermain, a villainous explorer dedicated to proving
00:03:08 the flatness of the earth.
00:03:10 Then we've got the heart of Edgar Allan Jones Poe, a villainous writer dedicated to proving
00:03:18 the flatness of the earth.
00:03:21 We've got Heathcliff's dick and a handbag containing the brain of Wild Oscar.
00:03:28 And finally this, a signed copy of Confessions, the fourth studio book of ballads from the
00:03:36 House of Usher.
00:03:38 That's a really deep cut.
00:03:41 But there is room in my collection for one last trophy.
00:03:49 I promise in front of all of you that I, Invisible Man Helsing, shall clip the Raven's wings.
00:04:05 As you say this, a small black bird has been perched on one of the balconies of the arena.
00:04:12 Cocks its ear, flutters up into the sky and flutters down back through the ramp backstage
00:04:19 where it settles on the shoulder of a waiting Raven.
00:04:22 Its beak leans into the Raven's ear, opens and closes quickly, makes a sort of chirping,
00:04:29 hissing sound.
00:04:32 It's nice when the prey comes to you.
00:04:38 Then another bird lands on your right shoulder and another and another and another until
00:04:42 a flock of jet black avian nightmares settle like a court of subjects around the impressive
00:04:52 figure of the Raven.
00:04:55 The worst killer London has ever known.
00:05:03 And then the promise, what you promised me, shall come true.
00:05:10 We will reach the higher plane.
00:05:12 What?
00:05:13 I'm...
00:05:14 No, I'm not...
00:05:16 I must not be mad.
00:05:19 I can't be.
00:05:21 You helped me escape the tower and now we're here.
00:05:27 Eleven down, streets filled with blood.
00:05:33 On to go.
00:05:34 And as the cacophonous song of the Ravens fills the night air and as the stagehands
00:05:42 wheel the trophy case of Invisible Man Helsing backstage, a new set of wheeled vehicles make
00:05:49 their way on, led by a dapperly dressed man covered in feathers and scales and hides of
00:05:55 all kinds.
00:05:56 Ladies, gentlemen.
00:05:57 Swirls his hand and takes a deep bow.
00:06:02 I am your humble servant, Doctor Yiff, and this is my monstrous menagerie.
00:06:11 Marvel at the heavy hooves of Snapmare.
00:06:17 And this sort of big, lean woman whose bottom half is just two horse legs stamps and pats
00:06:22 on the ground and goes, "Mrrr, mrrr," and bats her head against the rails on her enclosure.
00:06:29 Swoon at the dashing good looks of Handsome Crab, and the most beautiful man you've ever
00:06:36 seen in your life, except for the fact that he has two massive crab claws instead of arms.
00:06:42 Looks up and clips as audience members throw roses and flowers and people faint at his
00:06:47 beauty in the audience.
00:06:49 Fear the destructive power of the Apes of Wrath, and a group of assorted simians jump
00:06:59 up and down, beating their chests and banging against the bars in another wheeled cage.
00:07:06 But we are welcoming today a new addition to our little family, the most dangerous beast
00:07:15 of all, Man.
00:07:19 Ladies and gentlemen, debuting at Cruel Britannia Wrestling tonight, The Danger Bone.
00:07:29 Gestures towards your cage, Danger Bone.
00:07:31 [Danger Bone growls]
00:07:33 What are you doing in your cage right now, Danger Bone?
00:07:37 I'm looking directly at the sort of guy who's trapped us all here, and I then start to just
00:07:45 throw myself at either side of the cage.
00:07:50 Like, really getting a run up and throwing my whole body at it.
00:07:54 Okay, make a power roll.
00:07:57 Power is plus two, which really helped there because it's an eight.
00:08:03 Nice.
00:08:04 Yeah, after boom, boom, boom, like throwing this lean, muscular animal form back and forth
00:08:09 from wall to wall to wall, hearing the wood splinter and crack and groan with every impact.
00:08:15 Finally, after half a dozen attempts, after your body starts to bruise slightly from the
00:08:21 effort, there is an almighty crunch as your powerful, monstrous frame breaks through the
00:08:27 side of your enclosure and you are now standing free in the center of the arena.
00:08:32 Dr. Yiff, in a panic, "I didn't plan for this," runs as fast as he can to the side of one
00:08:39 of the enclosures and just pulls really hard on a bolt.
00:08:42 A ramp flops down, you hear a...
00:08:48 And then Snapmare comes charging out headfirst towards you.
00:08:51 I am so...
00:08:53 I'm just driven by rage right now.
00:08:55 I'm driven by the rage of seeing whatever was on the other side of that portal when
00:09:01 Julie Lovely had that man approaching.
00:09:03 The fury is still in me.
00:09:04 I'm just...
00:09:05 It's just driving me to do everything.
00:09:06 So I hit a full moon, which is a spinning discus clothesline straight into Snapmare.
00:09:14 That will be...
00:09:15 Ooh, spinning discus clothesline is pretty rad.
00:09:17 That's gonna be a...
00:09:18 I would say a work roll.
00:09:21 Just because of the spin.
00:09:24 That's a five, then.
00:09:26 Snapmare ducks under your swinging arms on these very flexible, powerful horse legs and
00:09:34 goes for the mule kick.
00:09:36 Basically, she spins around on one foot and then kicks back with a heavy, powerful leg,
00:09:40 connecting straight into your sternum and knocking you back onto the ground.
00:09:44 "Careful there, Snapmare!
00:09:46 He's a bit unstable!" yells Dr. Yiff.
00:09:50 This guy's being a prick.
00:09:51 I'm ignoring Snapmare and I'm just gonna start going for the cage.
00:09:55 I'm gonna try and rip the cage open for the...
00:09:57 I'm not gonna war with these other poor creatures who've been trapped just like me.
00:10:01 I'm gonna go for the menagerie man.
00:10:04 Okay, you're just heading straight for Dr. Yiff.
00:10:07 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:10:08 I'm tipping him over.
00:10:09 So what exactly are you trying to do?
00:10:12 Just some general rage first, some shaking, and then I'm gonna push so it's gonna fall
00:10:17 on its side.
00:10:18 So you're gonna try and pull... is it your enclosure on top of Dr. Yiff?
00:10:22 Oh, I thought he's inside the enclosure.
00:10:25 No, he's still out and about.
00:10:27 He's ran behind the back of one of them.
00:10:28 I thought he was smarter than that.
00:10:30 No, I'm just going after him then.
00:10:31 I thought there was bars in between me and him.
00:10:34 Dr. Yiff is not known for his brains.
00:10:37 In which case, what are you trying to do when you get to him?
00:10:41 I'm gonna sink my teeth into his neck.
00:10:45 That is a real roll for sure.
00:10:48 Damn real.
00:10:50 That is though...
00:10:51 Oh, it's a seven.
00:10:54 Okay, that just about does it, yeah.
00:10:58 Just as Snapmare is getting back onto both feet, you completely avoid her.
00:11:03 Spear straight across the arena, straight towards Dr. Yiff, barely has time to register
00:11:08 you before your fangs sink into his neck.
00:11:12 As they do so, he reaches out desperately for another bolt and pulls very hard on a
00:11:17 big thick metal lock.
00:11:20 Another door clunks open and as he rasps and coughs up blood as he says so, "Handsome crab,
00:11:25 protect daddy!"
00:11:28 And then a very...
00:11:31 More people in the audience swoon at the good looks of Handsome Crab as he sidesteps out
00:11:35 of his box onto the arena.
00:11:38 He immediately reaches out to grab you around the back of the neck with a claw to pull you
00:11:44 away from his master, his paternal figure.
00:11:49 It's time for the long arm of the claw and starts to pull you back.
00:11:53 What are you doing?
00:11:54 Well, I've got no time for this if he's going to be jaw jacking.
00:11:59 So I just sort of wildly claw behind me, push him away and then go for my silver bullet
00:12:09 move, which is kind of like a spear, but rather than shoulder tackling, it's just my fangs.
00:12:18 I just dive into him with my mouth open.
00:12:21 You're going after Handsome Crab?
00:12:23 Yeah, Handsome Crab.
00:12:24 I'm going for his face.
00:12:25 I'm going for his face.
00:12:27 That's a real roll then.
00:12:28 Stop doing that.
00:12:29 Oh bollocks, that's one.
00:12:32 It's an unnatural... yeah, it's a one.
00:12:35 "Hey, that's chitin!" he says and then immediately manoeuvres himself around...
00:12:42 Chitin is the substance that Crustacean's exoskeleton is made out of.
00:12:45 It's good that you have to explain that.
00:12:47 Well, I saw confused looks on faces and I feel that we need to add some kind of educational
00:12:52 elements to these silly games.
00:12:54 That was the pun I was the proudest of and you guys no-sold it like New Japan.
00:13:00 He manages to manoeuvre his way out of your spear and starts to...
00:13:05 Basically, as you launch over the top of him, he manages to grab you by the thighs, fold
00:13:09 you up and starts to place you over the back of his shoulders for his signature move, the
00:13:14 muscle buster.
00:13:17 Reaches his arms up and then goes basically to bring you down against the ground.
00:13:20 What are you doing?
00:13:21 So I'm still up on his shoulders at this point.
00:13:25 So my head is kind of by his head.
00:13:29 I try and just swipe across his face, his beautiful handsome face with my claws.
00:13:36 Go for what he prides the most.
00:13:39 That is a re-roll.
00:13:40 Six!
00:13:41 You do have your re-rolls if you want to try again.
00:13:46 Okay, a re-roll.
00:13:48 My re-rolls are Babyface standing up for my best friend Ranger Zone.
00:13:53 Well, in this case it would be Rick Thunder.
00:13:56 So I'm standing up for my best friend because I need him back and I can't get him back while
00:14:03 I'm in this rage-fuelled danger zone, danger bone state.
00:14:08 Okay, cool.
00:14:09 So re-roll.
00:14:10 Yes, that's a nine.
00:14:13 Yes, your claws claw across the beautiful face of the crustacean Adonis, handsome crab.
00:14:21 And he drops to his knees in pain and despair, dropping you entirely.
00:14:24 And starts crawling towards the nearest mirror.
00:14:27 My face!
00:14:28 My beautiful face!
00:14:29 What are you doing?
00:14:30 I grab one of his pincers and I drive it into Snapmare's neck.
00:14:38 Okay, that's another re-roll.
00:14:42 You're using a weapon, essentially.
00:14:44 Five!
00:14:45 I need to use some power stuff.
00:14:50 Unfortunately Snapmare is too fast and seeing handsome crab is taken out of the action,
00:14:55 Dr. Yeth quickly runs to the final enclosure, pulls on another bolt and releases the apes
00:14:59 of wrath, who immediately start swarming around you, beating their chests and hollering.
00:15:05 Can I appeal in animal noises to the animal parts of all these other people?
00:15:12 Yes, you absolutely can.
00:15:15 Okay.
00:15:16 [Squawking]
00:15:17 And that, to the crab, to the horse, to the apes, is, look, this guy's taking us for a
00:15:24 ride here.
00:15:25 We need to uprise against him and get some, our own lives.
00:15:30 We don't need to live under this person.
00:15:32 Let's turn against him all now.
00:15:35 Okay, that's a look roll for sure.
00:15:37 That's how Dangerbone operates.
00:15:38 Come on.
00:15:39 He's a pack animal.
00:15:40 So reasonable.
00:15:41 An eight, did he say?
00:15:42 Yes, an eight.
00:15:43 Nice.
00:15:44 Let's just hear a few more words from you.
00:15:51 [Squawking]
00:15:58 As they start to circle around you, the apes of wrath stop in their tracks and prick up
00:16:03 an ear to listen to your entreaty.
00:16:06 Snapmare also, her horse ears prick up tall and firm to hear what you have to say.
00:16:13 Handsome crab starts to wipe some blood away from his face and a look of realization crosses
00:16:18 his beautiful eyes.
00:16:21 And they all turn with a look of malice towards Dr. Yiff.
00:16:27 No, no, no, no, no, no, my babies.
00:16:29 Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
00:16:30 There's no need to get hasty.
00:16:32 I protected you.
00:16:34 I gave you somewhere.
00:16:35 I gave you shelter.
00:16:36 I gave you food.
00:16:37 I gave you somewhere to live.
00:16:38 I'm your daddy.
00:16:40 And they just swarm around him.
00:16:42 He is pinned down by the apes of wrath, kicked firm in the nuts by another mule kick from
00:16:48 Snapmare and his fingers are snipped off by the claws of handsome crab.
00:16:54 And then they all part, leaving the bleeding, begging body of Dr. Yiff for you to finish.
00:17:03 Danger Bone.
00:17:05 Danger Bone.
00:17:06 Because Danger Bone and Danger Zone and Ranger Zone and all the different carnations of Danger
00:17:12 Zone are more like the grommet to Rick Thunder's headstrong Wallace.
00:17:21 The fury has passed now.
00:17:23 So that was that moment of stopping and appealing to the better sides of everyone.
00:17:28 That means that rage is gone.
00:17:29 He's not just going to mindlessly kill someone.
00:17:32 So he just looks at Dr. Yiff.
00:17:35 Dr. Yiff.
00:17:37 Dr. Yiff.
00:17:39 Dr. Yiff.
00:17:41 And just shakes his werewolf head and walks off.
00:17:49 As he walks off, shaking his werewolf head, a calm, a grommet level of calm passing over
00:17:57 the individual who has always been the practical mind of this partnership.
00:18:03 The clouds above Cruel Botania Wrestling start to darken and pass over the bright, shining
00:18:10 full moon.
00:18:11 And as they do, and its beams are filtered and blocked through this encroaching storm,
00:18:20 the fur on Danger Bone's body retracts, the teeth and claws become shorter, the posture
00:18:25 straightens and now standing pretty much stark naked in the middle of the pit is Rick Thunder,
00:18:34 aeronautics expert.
00:18:35 Whoa, okay.
00:18:36 Well, that was, that was quite something.
00:18:41 He turns round and he runs back over to Dr. Yiff and kicks him in the head.
00:18:46 Because he's like, how dare you do that to me?
00:18:50 Asshole.
00:18:51 Okay, cool.
00:18:52 He's prone.
00:18:53 He's, you don't need to roll for that.
00:18:56 You're kicking a man while he's down.
00:18:57 It's one of the easiest things to do in the world.
00:19:01 As you kick his head, it just rolls off his body and into the back wall.
00:19:07 As you can see, a claw-like incision has been made across the neck.
00:19:13 And the animals have finished off Dr. Yiff once and for all.
00:19:19 The last thing you see is the ape-like frames of the Apes of Wrath as they clamber up over
00:19:25 the balcony and make their way out into the city, finally free.
00:19:28 Are you the only person, living person left now here, as the audience scream and clear
00:19:32 until a stagehand makes their way down the ramp.
00:19:37 And walks up to you.
00:19:40 That's one of the most impressive displays of self-control I've ever seen in the blood
00:19:47 sport that this pit has become a home to.
00:19:52 Management would like to speak to you.
00:19:55 Can you help me with some science?
00:19:57 Oh yes, management has some very advanced techniques which I think will be extremely
00:20:02 useful for whatever you need.
00:20:05 Come, come.
00:20:08 And he leads you back up the ramp.
00:20:12 We now cut to a hallway in a very fancy townhouse in Chiswick.
00:20:22 There is a click at the door and in walks a happy, prim, proper, delighted, slightly
00:20:29 green-stained, demonique decomposé, greeted by her faithful manservant, ParaNorman.
00:20:35 You rang, madame?
00:20:38 Yes.
00:20:39 Great, I did.
00:20:41 I wanted to find out when dinner was ready.
00:20:45 Oh, dinner will be ready, as always, whenever you want it.
00:20:50 Because you're the boss.
00:20:52 And he nods his head.
00:20:54 Can you please describe the house that ParaNorman now leads you through?
00:20:59 Really, really ornate and stunning.
00:21:03 Everything is immaculate, everything is in its perfect place.
00:21:06 The hallway is dark wood beams and a beautiful ceiling painted with cherubs and angels and
00:21:14 all kinds.
00:21:15 Along on the tables is a really lovely, expensive bric-a-brac.
00:21:20 You can't call expensive shit bric-a-brac, can you?
00:21:23 And stuff.
00:21:24 And there's a beautiful, gorgeous imported runner on the floor.
00:21:30 It's stunning.
00:21:31 It's from somewhere beautiful and it's incredible.
00:21:34 And as you pass each individual room, they are immaculately decorated.
00:21:38 One is completely pink and designed around the concept of a rose.
00:21:42 The other one is beautifully designed around a safari set.
00:21:51 And the stairs, there's actually three lots of stairs next to each other because I don't
00:21:56 like to use the same stairs I use in the morning as I do in the night.
00:22:00 I like to use the middle ones when I'm feeling extra fancy.
00:22:04 Okay, ParaNorman leads you through this opulent palace of luxury to the large dining room
00:22:11 and pulls out a chair for you at one end of a very long table.
00:22:14 At the other end of the table, unseen behind the newspaper where he always sits and reads
00:22:19 at the start of each meal, is your husband, wax magnate Derek Edmund Alexander de Composé.
00:22:26 He makes no sound or no acknowledgement.
00:22:28 Hi Derek!
00:22:29 How are you?
00:22:30 Reading, darling.
00:22:31 Yes, but how are you?
00:22:32 He lowers his paper so that you can just make out his dark eyes over the top of the sheet.
00:22:44 Reading, darling.
00:22:46 And he shakes the paper kind of frustratedly and puts it back up again.
00:22:54 I start pouring a cup of tea and the Adams are coming over this evening for that new
00:23:03 dessert that we decided to try, dear.
00:23:06 How do you feel about that?
00:23:07 Oh, no, yes.
00:23:08 Whatever you like, darling.
00:23:09 Whatever you like.
00:23:10 Okay, great.
00:23:11 Oh, lovely.
00:23:12 It's so nice.
00:23:13 I shot your mother in the head.
00:23:14 Hmm, no, very good.
00:23:15 Very good.
00:23:16 Asshole.
00:23:17 Just start pulling out a Ouija board from under the table and just stroking it.
00:23:32 Okay.
00:23:34 As soon as you touch that Ouija board, the planchette starts to quiver.
00:23:41 It shoots over to a K.
00:23:43 It shoots over as soon as you touch it to an F.
00:23:47 Damn it, you're choosing.
00:23:49 F, cool.
00:23:51 And then to a U, to a T, to a U, to an R, and to an E. Then there's a shake and it's
00:23:59 back to an F U T U R E. Back to F U T U R E. F U T U R E. Over and over and over again.
00:24:10 Until the planchette flies off the top of the Ouija board and just sticks into one of
00:24:16 your plastered walls.
00:24:18 Yeah.
00:24:19 Future?
00:24:20 The board itself.
00:24:23 I was like, "Futa?"
00:24:26 The board now starts to contort slightly.
00:24:30 Certain letters and words now, I guess, start bleeding into each other, almost burning out
00:24:36 of place until only two remain in very stark contrast.
00:24:46 The letter R and the letter S.
00:24:53 There is a screech in your ears from that demonic voice that you called out to so long
00:25:01 ago.
00:25:02 Oh, lovely.
00:25:05 And something whispers to you.
00:25:08 We have a job for you.
00:25:17 We find ourselves back once again in the Cruel Britannia Wrestling Arena.
00:25:21 The voice of the announcer rings out across the pit, making his way to the ring, hailing
00:25:28 from the Tower of London, the Raven.
00:25:35 The door flies open and a procession of beef eaters walk out into the auditorium and they
00:25:42 start to hand out newspaper clippings and other bits of information, all trying to track
00:25:49 down the Raven.
00:25:50 The newspaper clippers say, "Killer escapes the Tower!
00:25:54 Neville Moore cuts way through wall, pecks hole in wall, hidden behind poster of Queen
00:25:59 Victoria."
00:26:00 And then it goes, "Murder of Crows sweeps London."
00:26:05 Another headline says, "Something fishy going on in Hampstead.
00:26:07 Local lady Reef Minnow found tangled in fishing line in swimming pool."
00:26:12 Cuts to another one.
00:26:13 "Murder at Mudshoot.
00:26:14 Party boy Toffrey Bullingdon found gourd on ornamental horn.
00:26:17 Eye missing.
00:26:18 Have you seen it?"
00:26:20 Another one.
00:26:21 "Trick shot tragedy.
00:26:22 Former farmer's daughter Jane Virgo, known locally for colourful waistcoats, pushed from
00:26:27 balcony."
00:26:28 It's every balcony on the way down.
00:26:30 And the final one is, "Anaphylactic shocker.
00:26:34 Mystic mistress Winkle force fed shellfish until allergic reaction claims life."
00:26:38 And as this is going on, the crowd are saying they've seen the Raven earlier and these birds
00:26:45 begin to descend on the ring and they begin to chase the beefeaters out, pecking and cawing,
00:26:51 snatching their hats away.
00:26:52 And this flurry of activity and through the centre of it, calm as anything, walks the
00:26:56 Raven to the ring, brandishing his knife in his hand.
00:27:00 Making his way to the ring, hailing from Scarborough, the invisible man Helsing.
00:27:09 Fog fills the pit.
00:27:12 Slices of light from above cut through and you can see something moving.
00:27:19 The fog undulating like waves until it sort of reaches its peak of how thick it is and
00:27:28 then it just dissipates to sea.
00:27:30 The invisible man, fully clothed, standing, stuck still in the middle of the pit.
00:27:38 Ding ding ding ding ding!
00:27:41 What are you both trying to do first?
00:27:46 The figure in bandages doesn't move.
00:27:52 I'm going to rush forward and attempt to stab him.
00:27:55 That'll be a real roll in that case.
00:28:01 Twelve.
00:28:02 Not natural.
00:28:03 Twelve.
00:28:04 Dirty twelve.
00:28:06 Okay, on that twelve, the knife immediately sinks straight into the body of the invisible
00:28:15 man Helsing.
00:28:16 What if I told you that there was no one inside those clothes?
00:28:22 Okay, so you're going to need to roll something to pull that off.
00:28:29 So I say make a look roll to see if this has been successful or a blunder.
00:28:35 If I'm accidentally in my own clothes.
00:28:39 This didn't work?
00:28:40 All right, come on, look.
00:28:43 Thank the living Jesus.
00:28:44 Eight.
00:28:45 So that's an eight, which is a regular success against a twelve, which is a hard success.
00:28:53 So I'm afraid you're opening up.
00:28:57 Am I in my clothes or not?
00:29:00 You are unfortunately in your clothes.
00:29:02 You lost that roll.
00:29:03 Fucking hell!
00:29:04 You lost that roll.
00:29:05 Well I've been stabbed then I guess.
00:29:09 Yes you have.
00:29:12 Hey, fuck me!
00:29:16 I didn't expect this.
00:29:21 So if your intention was to basically put a fake bunch of clothes out and you'd be elsewhere,
00:29:30 then the fake invisible man Helsing must be where you hoped the real invisible man Helsing
00:29:35 is.
00:29:36 So where is that?
00:29:41 Somewhere else in the fog I guess.
00:29:47 It's a real mind fuck.
00:29:49 I'm afraid you lost that contested roll.
00:29:51 I understand.
00:29:52 That ploy did not work.
00:29:55 So what are you doing?
00:29:57 Well bleeding for once.
00:30:00 So I realized, okay, that didn't work.
00:30:03 I'm gonna get, I look up and it's, excuse me, blood.
00:30:08 I'm gonna have to get out of these wet clothes and I go for my finishing move.
00:30:15 You can't see me.
00:30:17 I've been hurt more than I ever have.
00:30:20 So this time I'm really gonna have to go invisible as sort of the Avengers movie music sort of
00:30:27 rises to a crescendo.
00:30:30 Hang on.
00:30:37 Hang on.
00:31:02 Come on.
00:31:08 There we go.
00:31:09 Invisible.
00:31:10 Okay.
00:31:11 The Raven, you know, you now find yourself looking across at a naked man, a naked man
00:31:19 dancing around everything on show.
00:31:27 My balls in your court son.
00:31:30 I'm going to stab him again.
00:31:34 Okay.
00:31:35 Um, let's, we're going to have a contested real role for your stab against the invisible
00:31:41 man.
00:31:42 How things look role to see if anything, anything, anything can come from this striptease to
00:31:48 help you get out of this predicament.
00:31:50 Oh no, excuse me.
00:31:54 I've dropped one of me dice.
00:31:57 Oh, I've dropped it again.
00:32:04 I think you know, did it eight.
00:32:13 That's an eight against day seven, a seven.
00:32:18 Okay.
00:32:19, Adam, please tell us how your sudden nudity helps you somehow dodge that swift
00:32:26 knife strike.
00:32:27 Uh, he tried, he tries to stab.
00:32:29 I jump and pivot in midair and clasp the knife between my taut, firm buttocks and I twist
00:32:36 it out of his hand.
00:32:38 Because it is naked buttocks related.
00:32:40 I think the look role stands.
00:32:41 So yes, you have successfully disarmed the Raven.
00:32:44 Um, Raven, how are you responding?
00:32:47 Uh, I'm going to, um, I don't, the Raven is, is time for a second.
00:32:58 Time for some shock and caw.
00:33:04 I'm going to hit a move called crow's feet and it's a claymore.
00:33:07 Go for it.
00:33:08 Oh, that was wonderful.
00:33:09 Uh, what was the role on?
00:33:12 For crow's feet.
00:33:13 I mean, because of that great, I'll let you use look because shock and awe was a
00:33:17 really good pun.
00:33:18 Eight.
00:33:19 Eight.
00:33:20 Um, that'll do it.
00:33:22 Take us through that move.
00:33:23 Uh, just, it's a run in, uh, as he, as he sort of turns back around from being butt
00:33:27 naked, I see this sort of fling of ding dong go across my vision and I, I see red and I
00:33:34 rush forward flying through the air.
00:33:36 Big old leg slap for good measure as my feet just clasp into his face.
00:33:42 The moment those feet connect with the face of the invisible man, Helsing, again, there
00:33:45 is a sudden shop screech in your brain and for the briefest moment you find yourself
00:33:51 standing on a long ship, the sea lapping at the side of the boat, a stormy wind billowing
00:33:56 the sails as your heavy as the heavy feet of your body, which seems to be that of a
00:34:02 heavy set.
00:34:03 Um, Nordic warrior connects with that of a pleading, uh, Englishman down below.
00:34:11 And then a second later you snap back into the present day again.
00:34:15 Invisible man, Helsing, how are you responding?
00:34:18 Um, well, I, I'm, first of all, I'm shocked that he could see me enough to hit me.
00:34:23 I assume it's, you could see like a slight little bit of blood from my wound.
00:34:28 Uh, so, uh, I am going to, um, pull out a Derringer, uh, from you know where, and I'm
00:34:36 going to attempt a shot to the mask, the, uh, the split mask.
00:34:40 Go for it.
00:34:41 Um, that's going to be a real roll.
00:34:44 Oh, that's a 11.
00:34:51 That's 11.
00:34:52 That'll do it.
00:34:53 Yeah.
00:34:54 Um, is there anything special about your Derringer?
00:34:55 Um, it's warm.
00:34:59 Let's say that the chambers are already preheated for a very quick shot.
00:35:03 The bullet shoots out of your gun, hits the, uh, bang on the hairline fractures that are
00:35:11 spread across the Raven's mask and the mask shatters, revealing the Raven's face beneath.
00:35:17 What?
00:35:19 Oh my gosh, it's Kane.
00:35:25 It's one of the road warriors.
00:35:29 Uh, Raven, what are you doing?
00:35:33 You were in here with a monster.
00:35:36 How easy it is to make a monster of a man.
00:35:38 You put a mask on, you called him a name.
00:35:40 I am a man.
00:35:42 I am never war and I will finish my great works.
00:35:47 And I'm going to, uh, I just scream, fuck you.
00:35:52 And the Ravens begin to descend from the ceiling and I'm going to have them peck at his junk.
00:35:58 Um, okay.
00:35:59 So that's a lot of Ravens focused on a very specific area.
00:36:02 Look, look, roll, please.
00:36:03 Sorry.
00:36:04 Look, roll.
00:36:05 Oh, I want to reroll.
00:36:08 It was a three.
00:36:11 So I want to reroll.
00:36:12 Um, uh, I think this is a crucial moment in which I'm trying to fulfill the prophecy,
00:36:19 um, which is my gimmick reroll.
00:36:22 The whole thing that my character is about is attempting to fulfill this prophecy.
00:36:25 And I feel it slipping through my fingers as my mask is broken.
00:36:28 Part of my character, part of the thing that I sort of can hide behind to manifest the
00:36:32 Raven has broken and I now need more than ever to be part of a flock.
00:36:38 Then make that reroll.
00:36:40 You fucking behave.
00:36:43 Oh, that's so good.
00:36:48 Bye bye penis.
00:36:51 Oh, not my penis.
00:36:53 It's going to peck at the pecker.
00:36:57 Woody Peck pecker.
00:36:58 At your command, a unkindness of Ravens gather around you, uh, swooping higher and higher
00:37:09 into an enormous cloud of squawks and feathers, and then converge on the exposed form of invisible
00:37:19 man Helsing.
00:37:20 To begin with your entire form, Helsing is surrounded and swarmed by this whirlpool of
00:37:25 Ravens, but soon they start to leave your face alone.
00:37:28 They start to leave your arms alone, your legs, your torso, and focus very clearly and
00:37:32 precariously on one area, your junk.
00:37:37 And like, like putting your hand in a tank of piranhas in a mere matter of moments, their
00:37:43 buzzing beaks shred you from the man you are right now into a castrated eunuch.
00:37:51 So much blood pours from your groin, um, that at the very least, that is a minus one penalty
00:38:01 to look, but at the very most, that is, that is the end of you, unless you can do something
00:38:08 about it.
00:38:09 I would like to, uh, channel, uh, everything I've learned about monster hunting from my
00:38:18 mother, Jan Helsing, from my grandmother, Gran Helsing, uh, from my father, Dan Helsing.
00:38:25 I would like to, um, channel everything I've known about monsters, spirituality, the arcana.
00:38:33 I would like one ditch Hail Mary, a shot to actually turn invisible.
00:38:42 On this Hail Mary, I feel like, I feel like this has to be like a critical success or
00:38:49 nothing here.
00:38:51 If, yeah, if you, if you, if you roll a crit six, sorry, a crit 12, then yes, you will
00:38:57 actually turn invisible.
00:38:59 Okay.
00:39:00 So that is, that's a five.
00:39:06 I would like to reroll please.
00:39:07 You may reroll.
00:39:08 Uh, my iconoclast reroll is, um, you know, taking down a legend.
00:39:14 Uh, so I guess, actually no, I'm more doing this to save myself, but I saw, I'll use my
00:39:18 face reroll, uh, standing up for what I believe in.
00:39:20 What I believe in is a world without monsters.
00:39:23 So I will try again.
00:39:25 Come on.
00:39:26 Okay.
00:39:27 I've got, I got one of them.
00:39:30 Uh, I'm going to do my last reroll.
00:39:34 Please don't let me die with a horrible disfigured penis.
00:39:39 Oh fucking hell.
00:39:42 What?
00:39:43 No.
00:39:44 Oh, I appeal to the judges.
00:39:55 I appeal to the kind heart of the judges.
00:40:00 Your appeal has been denied.
00:40:02 Oh fuck, fucks sake.
00:40:06 It was a natural 12 or nothing, I'm afraid for the briefest moment as you lay there on
00:40:12 the sand bleeding out as the Raven stands over you watching a torrent of blood pour
00:40:19 out of the place where your junk once was.
00:40:21 It looks like maybe, just maybe your body might be fading out of sight.
00:40:31 But as you cough up blood now from the back of your throat and as your mind grows thick
00:40:39 and hazy, it's not your body that is fading from sight.
00:40:44 It is your soul that is fading from life.
00:40:49 What are your last words, invisible man healthy?
00:40:56 What does a man with a shredded dick say?
00:41:05 Bury me in a closed fucking coffin.
00:41:10 And then you are gone.
00:41:12 Raven.
00:41:13 I put my pants back on.
00:41:18 As you stand over the bleeding body of the bleeding corpse of invisible man healthy,
00:41:23 blood gushing from one place, one place very specifically, and you see the life leader's
00:41:28 body.
00:41:30 For a moment you find yourself standing over a metallic floor, looking out the windows
00:41:37 at stars in the sky.
00:41:40 Stars and celestial bodies you've never seen before.
00:41:43 The thing you are standing over isn't even a man, it is some kind of other anthropomorphic
00:41:51 species.
00:41:52 You look down at yourself and you seem to be wearing some reflective material and some
00:41:56 very peculiar costume of some kind you would recognize from the more science fictional
00:42:02 penny dreadfuls that circulate around London.
00:42:04 And then you are back in the arena.
00:42:10 You look up at the sky and every constellation of the zodiac glimmers into brightness above
00:42:18 you as the ravens swarm around your body and soar up into the sky.
00:42:28 See is complete.
00:42:32 Quoth this raven, Neville Moore.
00:42:39 I cannot believe I didn't get that when you first told me his name.
00:42:43 Fuck.
00:42:44 And nothing.
00:42:47 He told me.
00:42:48 He said, kill the 12th and you will ascend.
00:42:55 Where's, where is heaven?
00:42:59 Where is my, was this all for nothing?
00:43:05 This path of blood, bits of penis.
00:43:16 You look down at the puddle of groin blood and reflective back up at you and it's shiny
00:43:22 scarlet surface is the face of a man, a man with a bunch of feathers stuck in his shoulders
00:43:28 and some paint on his face.
00:43:32 All you really see are some dirty black birds pecking at a corpse, picking out an eye here,
00:43:40 an eyeball there, nibbling away a bit of exposed gunk and then fluttering away into the night.
00:43:46 Leaving you standing alone in front of nothing more than some dead meat.
00:43:55 Your winner, the avian assassin, the raven.
00:44:03 The sound of a manual siren starts to ring through the London night.
00:44:10 I just fall to my knees in the blood, use some of it to wash the paint off my face and
00:44:18 I wait for my fate.
00:44:19 We now find ourselves at a luxurious townhouse in one of the wealthier parts of Grapplington.
00:44:29 The sun has gone down, the moon is high in the sky.
00:44:31 It's night time and a man waits with a plate of cheese and a snifter of a nightcap, dressed
00:44:40 for bed.
00:44:46 Worth it.
00:44:47 What a plunging neckline you've got there, Luke.
00:44:50 Thank you.
00:44:51 It is bed wear.
00:44:52 Editor of the Wrestling Onlooker, Robert Scrood waits in his comfy chair by his bed, thinking
00:45:00 over the events of the day.
00:45:01 The voice of his old tag team partner, Jacob Markley, rings in his ears.
00:45:07 You can't change the past, Bobby.
00:45:10 The booming Scottish resonance of his old rival, Pinheart Stonegold, rings in his mind.
00:45:18 The present is always changing.
00:45:21 If you want to live in it, you've got to be prepared to change too.
00:45:25 As the wind howls outside and the rain beats against his windows and the lightning crackles
00:45:32 through the windowpanes, Robert Scrood receives one last visitor.
00:45:43 I'm so sorry to interrupt you.
00:45:45 You just look so comfortable there.
00:45:47 Hello!
00:45:48 I'm so sorry.
00:45:49 I snuck right in.
00:45:50 I'm light as a feather, my husband says.
00:45:53 How are you?
00:45:54 Who the devil are you?
00:45:56 Ah, everyone calls me Demonique, but you can call me the Ghostess with a boastess.
00:46:01 So, I'm here to-
00:46:03 You're the wrestling.
00:46:04 I saw you at the-
00:46:06 Yes!
00:46:07 The one who couldn't work, didn't know ring psychology.
00:46:10 What?
00:46:11 I think-
00:46:12 You heard.
00:46:13 Okay.
00:46:14 I think you mean won the match, but fine.
00:46:18 So, I just popped over because I've got a little present for you.
00:46:23 I can-
00:46:24 I don't want your gifts.
00:46:25 Yes, you do.
00:46:26 I don't want your gifts.
00:46:28 I just want some sleep.
00:46:31 He's annoying me.
00:46:32 Can I possess him?
00:46:34 You absolutely can.
00:46:36 Make a look roll.
00:46:37 I'm getting inside you.
00:46:41 Look.
00:46:42 So, that's seven.
00:46:44 Seven.
00:46:45 Boom.
00:46:46 Like, in an instant, the figure in front of you dissipates into ether and you find your
00:46:51 body filled with this cold chill right down to the bone pain.
00:46:57 Your vision disappears instantly and then when it returns, you find yourself standing
00:47:02 in the pit in the center of the CBW arena looking up at a empty auditorium.
00:47:08 No one on the lower levels, no one on the middle levels, no one on the upper levels.
00:47:11 A thick fog rolls across the ground.
00:47:14 Clouds gather in the sky and punctuated around the pit in numerous places.
00:47:20 You can just about make out, peeking out through the fog, are a series of gravestones.
00:47:25 There is a "swoosh" as the ether energy of Demonique leaves your body and materializes
00:47:31 once again in front of you.
00:47:33 Where am I?
00:47:34 Where have you brought me?
00:47:35 Well, as you see, you see me standing in front of you, but you also see me with a cage next
00:47:39 to me.
00:47:40 It's a lovely cage with me, but covered in green sick.
00:47:44 Okay?
00:47:45 So, they're just growling away.
00:47:49 That sort of thing.
00:47:50 Now, as you can see, I see you assume, "Where are we, dear?
00:47:55 Tell me where you are.
00:47:56 Let's use questions and teaching.
00:47:57 Let's use questions and teaching."
00:47:58 That's what I just asked.
00:47:59 Where are we?
00:48:00 Brilliant.
00:48:01 You're not the sharpest ghoul in the shed, are you?
00:48:04 Anyway, so, the important thing is to see is that we see the wonderful world of...
00:48:12 We see the wonderful world of wrestling, but as you can see, it's slowly dying.
00:48:17 Why do you think that is?
00:48:20 Because no one knows how to work.
00:48:21 These kids don't know how to work anymore.
00:48:23 It's all moves and high spots and deadly dives.
00:48:27 Right.
00:48:28 We're going to try that again.
00:48:30 And as I'm saying this, I'm just moving towards the cage and I just start fiddling with the
00:48:34 lock and start implying that I'm opening it and the creature's getting more...
00:48:41 More aggressive and more, you know, me.
00:48:45 And so I was like, "No, we're going to try again."
00:48:47 Why is the world of wrestling changing and dying?
00:48:51 You're right.
00:48:52 It is dying because people don't understand.
00:48:54 People don't respect the standards and traditions of proper, proper grappling, proper grabs.
00:49:02 Just start pulling the lock open just a little bit more and the creature's claws are just
00:49:08 coming out from the side.
00:49:11 Creatures like that that have ruined wrestling.
00:49:13 That's why wrestling isn't good anymore.
00:49:15 That's why I have to write my newsletter to tell people that it is bad.
00:49:19 Just going to open the cage.
00:49:21 As you open the cage, a huge ethereal voice booms out across the arena.
00:49:26 The following contest is scheduled for one fall.
00:49:32 Ding ding ding ding ding.
00:49:36 Just going to launch at him, full claws, everything going straight for the face and just shouting
00:49:40 "You."
00:49:41 That's going to be a real roll.
00:49:43 What are you doing in response, Robert?
00:49:46 Do cowering in fear.
00:49:47 I don't believe this is a real thing.
00:49:51 It's a three.
00:49:52 I want to re-roll.
00:49:53 Go for it.
00:49:54 So you know what you need to do to re-roll?
00:49:57 I'm just going to yank off a finger, throw it off.
00:50:01 Cool.
00:50:02 That re-roll needs to be unreal.
00:50:03 Your reel is now minus three.
00:50:04 The way we've adapted this is basically every time that Lo wants to re-roll, she needs to
00:50:09 sacrifice part of herself.
00:50:12 And in doing so, she can re-roll as many times as she wants.
00:50:14 But every time she does, the reel stats decreases by one.
00:50:22 And after the first sacrifice, every subsequent roll has to be made on reel.
00:50:26 Oh God.
00:50:27 Crikey.
00:50:28 It's the most low thing ever.
00:50:29 I know, isn't it the best?
00:50:30 Re-roll.
00:50:31 Holy shit.
00:50:32 Oh wait, do I have to minus two?
00:50:42 But it's a critical success.
00:50:44 Not a critical success.
00:50:45 No, that counts for anything.
00:50:46 Screwed.
00:50:47 Your only chance is a critical success on this.
00:50:49 If you're just trying to ignore it, I'm going to say roll on your look to see if you can
00:50:53 wheel it out of existence.
00:50:55 Yep.
00:50:56 Roll on look.
00:50:57 So I say zero.
00:50:58 And six.
00:50:59 Okay.
00:51:00 The figure of Demonique lunges at you, this beastly form.
00:51:06 It just starts tearing and slashing at your body.
00:51:09 It is very real pain.
00:51:10 It hurts.
00:51:11 It bleeds.
00:51:12 It's agony.
00:51:13 What are you doing?
00:51:16 I'm going to try and slip underneath and lock in when love is bound, which is an excellent
00:51:24 Muppets reference, to sneak behind and lock in a sleeper hold.
00:51:30 Go for it.
00:51:31 That's going to be, for a sleeper hold, I would say work.
00:51:34 Damn right it is.
00:51:36 Boom.
00:51:37 That'll be ten.
00:51:39 Okay.
00:51:40 So you're able to maneuver your arms around the throat of this sort of hissing, slashing,
00:51:44 vomiting beast.
00:51:45 And as you tug against its throat and get your arm around that nerve, the fight starts
00:51:51 to go out of it.
00:51:52 What are you doing, Demonique?
00:51:53 If the fight's going out on me, I'm going to use the one thing that I do not have, which
00:51:56 is sick.
00:51:57 So I'm just going to bring up every bit I have in my body and just dribble it out of
00:52:04 my mouth and then just seep it into the arm and hopefully the acidity will just burn through
00:52:08 the skin.
00:52:09 I'm not really getting the image, Lo.
00:52:12 Sorry.
00:52:14 Oh, like that.
00:52:17 Okay.
00:52:19 So you've got to roll on reel for that, man.
00:52:24 Not look.
00:52:25 Once you make your first re-roll, it is all...
00:52:28 It's always on that.
00:52:29 Yeah.
00:52:30 It was...
00:52:31 It's minus two... eight.
00:52:34 Eight.
00:52:35 Just about.
00:52:37 Yeah.
00:52:38 You lubricate your neck with your own supernatural sick and slip out from the grip of Robert
00:52:43 Scrooge.
00:52:44 Scrooge, what are you doing?
00:52:45 I'm going to try and double leg her to the floor so I can then lock in the 12 days of
00:52:50 Alchemist.
00:52:51 Okay.
00:52:52 I feel that's a work roll as well.
00:52:57 That'll be... so plus one is eight.
00:53:00 That'll do it.
00:53:01 Take us into the 12 days of Alchemist.
00:53:04 So yeah, so a double leg it down, flip the legs over, lock in the figure four, the 12
00:53:09 days of Alchemist, and just start screaming about how wrestling is real and this is real
00:53:13 wrestling.
00:53:14 It'll beat you with real wrestling.
00:53:17 So one of the things you noticed, Scrooge, is as your body got lacerated and as the sick
00:53:22 emanated later from Demonique's mouth, spectral audience started to appear in different parts
00:53:28 of the auditorium around you and started to cheer.
00:53:31 And then as you lock in the 12 days of Alchemist, an excellent technique by the way, more spectral
00:53:36 fans appear in another part of this arena and start to cheer as well.
00:53:39 What are you doing, Demonique?
00:53:41 I am just going to crawl demon-y like.
00:53:46 I don't really know how to describe it, but you know when they fall on like scatter across
00:53:48 the floor and then as I'm doing I'm tilting my neck.
00:53:51 My neck and my head is facing up to the ceiling, but I'm crawling on my paws.
00:53:56 I run around them super, super fast.
00:54:00 Bringing up dust and chalk into a lovely little cloud.
00:54:02 I'm moving faster and faster.
00:54:04 The cloud is getting bigger and then I just want to go for the back of their legs, teeth
00:54:07 first.
00:54:08 Let's rip out some kind of tendon or something.
00:54:10 That's going to be a real roll.
00:54:11 It's always going to be a real roll.
00:54:14 Come on, do something horrendous.
00:54:18 That's minus two.
00:54:19 So that's nine.
00:54:21 That's nine.
00:54:22 That'll do it.
00:54:23 Yes.
00:54:24 Yeah, the cloud whips up in this spectral sandstorm and you sink every sharp part of
00:54:29 your body into the back of Robert Scrooge's legs.
00:54:35 More spectral audience appear as you do this and cheer and cheer and cheer and holler and
00:54:38 whoop start holding up hand painted spectral signs.
00:54:41 Scrooge, what are you doing?
00:54:43 I'm going to go for another signature move, which is a package power driver.
00:54:47 So it's very technical because you have to sort of lock them all in place.
00:54:50 The Scrooge driver and to try and lay her out.
00:54:55 Is that very technical?
00:54:56 Basically, you're trying to get me to tell you to work.
00:55:00 It's very not everyone could do this.
00:55:02 I'm going to make it creative.
00:55:05 Lifting someone up feels like it's a bit of a power move.
00:55:07 I'm going to have to have power on this power before you, man.
00:55:11 Nice hustle.
00:55:12 Thanks.
00:55:13 That's five.
00:55:14 I'll use one of my rerolls for that because I am honoring tradition by winning this match
00:55:20 with real wrestling.
00:55:24 That's gone way better.
00:55:26 That'll be 11.
00:55:27 Six and a five.
00:55:29 Nice.
00:55:30 Yeah, you managed to do you managed to arrange yourself into this power driver, lift up the
00:55:33 body of Dominique and then slam her head first against the sand.
00:55:37 More audience appear from behind you cheering and hollering.
00:55:41 Starts shouting, this is wrestling.
00:55:43 This is wrestling as it happens.
00:55:45 This is wrestling.
00:55:46 What are you doing, Dominique?
00:55:48 I'm on the floor.
00:55:49 I'm going to I would like to just get up and try and stand up in front of them and just
00:55:55 say in my best demon voice, I'm just going to sound like Stitch from Lilo and Stitch.
00:56:01 We'll both kill and zest.
00:56:03 Which is not useful to anyone.
00:56:07 We both can exist is what I'm saying.
00:56:10 Your killing, there's no need for this.
00:56:12 You could just let us both exist.
00:56:14 You annoying little prick.
00:56:15 What on earth could you possibly mean?
00:56:19 We could both exist.
00:56:22 Posh me wanders into the area just for talking sake.
00:56:27 If you keep telling the world that this type of wrestling is shit and you keep critiquing
00:56:32 it, then the people are going to stop coming and the people are going to stop paying for
00:56:34 it.
00:56:35 Then you're going to start killing wrestling.
00:56:36 So stop being such an ignorant little shit.
00:56:39 I'm going to go for the goopplex.
00:56:44 What is the goopplex?
00:56:45 This is a suplex, but covered in vomit.
00:56:47 Is it?
00:56:48 Would you say it's your finisher?
00:56:49 Yes.
00:56:50 OK, then go for it, man.
00:56:51 Roll 2D6.
00:56:52 Vomit covered suplex.
00:56:55 What's the straight 2D6?
00:56:57 2D6.
00:56:58 It's just a five.
00:57:02 Just a five.
00:57:03 That's a failure.
00:57:04 Can I still reroll?
00:57:08 You can, but then you have to add your penalty.
00:57:11 So that'll now be a minus four.
00:57:14 Is that right on reel?
00:57:15 No, it'll be a minus three.
00:57:16 I've only sacrificed the finger.
00:57:17 Yeah.
00:57:18 So make a reroll on minus three.
00:57:19 Hail Mary.
00:57:20 OK, come on.
00:57:21 Demonique sacrificing.
00:57:25 So minus three is a seven.
00:57:33 Just about.
00:57:34 Take us through that goopplex.
00:57:36 Honestly, it's everything you want from a suplex.
00:57:40 Everything apart from while I'm doing it, it's just projectile vomit out of me like
00:57:44 a sexy fountain.
00:57:47 And as these vomiting fireworks erupt, little explosions of stomach acid above the arena,
00:57:54 Robert Scrooge is suplexed hard onto the concrete.
00:58:01 And as you go in for the pin, the spectral voice counts one, and more fans appear in
00:58:07 the audience cheering.
00:58:08 Two, more fans appear.
00:58:10 And now everyone from all over this now flooded arena of spectral ghosts is chanting, "This
00:58:15 is wrestling.
00:58:16 This is wrestling.
00:58:18 This is wrestling."
00:58:20 Three, your winner.
00:58:27 Professional wrestling.
00:58:29 And the ghosts lose their shit.
00:58:33 And you are left on your back looking up at the sky, hearing the sounds of these applauding
00:58:38 specters.
00:58:39 You beat me with a wrestling move.
00:58:42 Shit, yeah.
00:58:44 A move that I have taken many of in my time, but none quite so good as that.
00:58:50 Am I wrong?
00:58:53 Am I wrong about your lot?
00:58:56 Am I wrong about your blood, your guts, and your mudshow wrestling?
00:59:04 Is it really so bad?
00:59:07 You use wrestling moves and crowd-beard specter that seem to enjoy it.
00:59:17 There is a massive gush of ethereal smoke, and then quick as a flash, you find yourself
00:59:22 sitting once again back in your armchair in your room.
00:59:27 Almost like a snorting sound comes to you as you seemingly wake up.
00:59:31 A bit of old cheese on your bedside table, like a half-drunk dram of whiskey.
00:59:39 The sun peels in through the windows, and there are people clamoring and running around
00:59:44 on the streets below.
00:59:46 I would like to run to my window and open up.
00:59:50 Yes.
00:59:51 You there, young urchin.
00:59:54 What day is it?
00:59:55 Why, sir, it's wrestling day.
01:00:00 It's wrestling day.
01:00:01 I didn't miss it.
01:00:02 The Goats did it all in one night.
01:00:05 They said they would.
01:00:06 I need to get ready.
01:00:08 I need to find the best wrestling that I possibly can, get my finest notebook, my finest quill,
01:00:13 go down there and enjoy the show.
01:00:17 And as the sun rises on a new day for Robert Scrooge, the sun also rises...
01:00:22 Okay, thanks, Luke.
01:00:25 The sun also rises on the offices of management within Cruel Britannia Wrestling itself.
01:00:32 A well-dressed, well-tanned-out, waist-coated stagehand leads a now slightly clothed Richard
01:00:39 Thunder up towards a lavish desk in a well-decorated office, where the top-hatted, three-pieced
01:00:46 suit, immaculate figure of the high-cheekbone, well-bred Quincy Cavendish, management here
01:00:54 at Cruel Britannia Wrestling is waiting for you.
01:00:57 I must say, what a delightful display of ferocity and combat.
01:01:03 Now, I understand that you have a problem you need some help with, and after everything
01:01:13 you've done to entertain the public, I believe we can help you.
01:01:19 About time.
01:01:20 Yes.
01:01:21 About time.
01:01:22 You're not quite yourself, Richard.
01:01:28 You're more than yourself, aren't you?
01:01:30 If you come with me, well, I know how to make you yourself again.
01:01:35 Come, come.
01:01:36 And he gestures you to a door at the back of his office.
01:01:42 I follow and go to the door.
01:01:45 He leads you down into a large, sort of open, backstage enclosure.
01:01:52 The wonders of our advanced science will set you to rights.
01:01:57 Sit, please.
01:01:59 Finally some science.
01:02:01 A figure in a lab coat walks up next to you.
01:02:06 This is the science guy right here.
01:02:11 Are you sure you want to be separated from Dangerbone permanently?
01:02:20 Well, we'll always be together.
01:02:23 We're best friends.
01:02:25 We won't be in the same vessel, but we'll still be buds.
01:02:31 So to answer my question, yes.
01:02:37 Yes.
01:02:41 You see beneath the white coat is a immaculate two-piece green suit, and you find yourself
01:02:47 looking up at the high cheekbone, well-bred face of a man leaning on a staff with a question
01:02:54 mark on the top of it.
01:02:56 Well, yes, it is then.
01:02:59 And he thrusts his hand deep into your chest.
01:03:02 You start to see purple plasmid energy flow out of your body, flow up into the hand of
01:03:07 this figure, up his arm, up his shoulders until his entire body is now convulsing in
01:03:11 plasmid energy.
01:03:12 Yes, yes.
01:03:14 How does it feel, Richard?
01:03:16 How does it feel to be free of this burden?
01:03:19 How did you get here, Richard?
01:03:22 How will you leave, Richard?
01:03:25 Questions, questions, questions.
01:03:29 And with one final shimmer, the last bit of energy leaves your body, and you see the feral
01:03:36 wolf-like form of Danger Bone sucked from your form, then stagger onto its knees on
01:03:44 the ground, weary.
01:03:48 More energy now flows from the separated Danger Bone up, up into the body of this man leaning
01:03:53 on his question mark staff.
01:03:55 The wolf looks up at you with puppy's eyes, and then quickly takes the form of a ghost-gray
01:04:04 Pontiac Trans Am, smoke steaming from its engine, then once again takes the form of
01:04:10 a large bipedal robot, its red eyes glimmering and fading, fading.
01:04:16 Then another, the form of a horse, who whinnies a pitiful, "Mmm, mmm," at you.
01:04:25 And then lastly, the area erupts as the full form of a Tomcat fighter jet rests in front
01:04:36 of you, little blobs of time ether sparking from its engines, the little red light in
01:04:45 its cockpit that is the intelligence of Danger Zone fixed on you.
01:04:53 Rick Thunder, best from.
01:05:03 And the last bit of life leaves Danger Zone's body.
01:05:09 Oh, what?
01:05:14 Will we meet again, Rick Thunder?
01:05:19 That is the question.
01:05:23 The question collector disappears in a burst of purple energy.
01:05:29 And that's it for this time on CBW.
01:05:34 We'll see you next time.
01:05:40 That's it for No Rolls Barred this month.
01:05:46 It's all coming to a head.
01:05:49 Next month is going to be the season finale for our one-shot, because hopefully after
01:05:55 that we're going to be able to shoot season two.
01:05:59 How will Rick Thunder react to the death of Danger Zone?
01:06:05 Find out in September.
01:06:07 We'll see you then.
01:06:09 Jam that jam.
01:06:10 Oh, and also become a patron like these legends scrolling along the bottom of the screen.
01:06:14 You will get that September one-shot, 48 hours before anyone else, and there's also lots
01:06:18 of other goodies in there as well.
01:06:21 So we'll see you next month.
01:06:22 Jam that jam.
01:06:23 Rest in peace, Danger Zone.