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00:00 (upbeat music)
00:02 (upbeat music)
00:05 (upbeat music)
00:07 (upbeat music)
00:11 (upbeat music)
00:15 (upbeat music)
00:19 (bell ringing)
00:23 (upbeat music)
00:32 (upbeat music)
00:35 (yawning)
00:39 - So you say Linda did your toes?
00:42 She's a butcher.
00:44 - Hey, do you wanna do the New York Times crossword puzzle?
00:48 It's what New York couples do every Sunday.
00:51 - Like Tony Randall and his wife.
00:54 (gasps)
00:55 I know what I'm doing this summer.
01:00 Language camp at Middlebury?
01:02 It's not as much fun as that ad makes it look.
01:05 - No, the Stage Door Pines Theater Camp.
01:10 Perform comedy at a real former Catskills resort
01:14 with counselors whose credits include
01:17 the Mike Douglas Show and Make Me Laugh.
01:21 - I don't know, Bobby.
01:23 It's still got the word camp in it.
01:25 There might be some sports.
01:28 - I'll fake a groin pull.
01:29 (upbeat music)
01:32 - Oh, I've seen this dateline.
01:34 That guy sneezes into the meat.
01:36 Bobby, did your grandfather send you
01:47 more of those gentlemen's magazines?
01:49 The New York Times Magazine
01:54 published by the New York Times newspaper.
01:57 Oh, Bobby.
01:58 I wasn't reading the articles.
02:00 There's this camp I wanna go to, see?
02:03 - Summer comedy camp?
02:06 I'm sorry, Bobby.
02:07 I don't fully understand what that is,
02:09 but I'm still gonna have to say no.
02:11 And I already put in a good word for you
02:13 with Mr. Strickland about working with me this summer.
02:17 - I don't wanna be a tank wipe.
02:20 - Sure you do.
02:21 Why don't you come by after school tomorrow
02:23 and help us get ready for the big grill stravaganza sale?
02:27 You'll be paid in experience,
02:29 and that is tax-free.
02:31 Now, this fixed maximum liquid level gauge,
02:38 on the other hand, is for propane tanks
02:41 that have a dip tube welded in the vessel,
02:43 or where mounting is to be done
02:45 at the maximum allowable filling level.
02:48 Any questions so far, Bobby?
02:50 - What's a dip tube?
02:51 What do you mean by vessel?
02:53 What's the maximum allowable filling level?
02:56 - Isn't it about time for a coffee break?
02:58 I'm fading here.
03:00 (sighs)
03:02 (upbeat music)
03:05 (sobs)
03:25 (laughs)
03:27 Wipeout.
03:28 - Bobby, stop it!
03:35 Those are propane accessories,
03:41 and you will treat them with respect.
03:43 I may have been on the phone
03:45 with our 12th largest customer
03:47 while you were in here horsing around,
03:49 but someone was watching.
03:51 - Good wishes, Texas propane dealers
03:55 Association President Charlie Fortner.
03:58 - Yep, he's the single most powerful man
04:02 in Texas propane.
04:03 He's what Fritz Kubiak is to the county utility board.
04:08 - So I heard.
04:10 - I wonder if Fortner and Kubiak
04:12 are allowed to fly on the same plane.
04:14 But code double red,
04:20 we just sold our last Wagner Char King Imperial.
04:24 - Well, where's the dang truck with our resupply?
04:26 - It was supposed to be here an hour ago.
04:29 I don't know.
04:29 - Excuse me, I am here to buy a Wagner Char King Imperial,
04:34 as advertised.
04:36 My satisfaction depends on it.
04:39 - Dale, go home.
04:41 - Bait and switch.
04:43 Bait and switch!
04:46 Bait and switch!
04:47 - No, no, there was no switch, no switch.
04:50 It's bait and bait!
04:53 Bait and bait!
04:55 We have many other excellent grills.
04:57 - Tell your daddy to throw in his apron.
05:01 This Winnie roast has gone bye-bye.
05:04 - Wait a sec, I've got an idea.
05:07 Spatulas!
05:08 Ladies and gentlemen!
05:14 (yells)
05:18 - Bobby?
05:21 (gentle music)
05:24 - Follow my lead.
05:28 I am the great gas head.
05:32 - He's the great gas head.
05:37 - I'm the great gas head and I'm here to say
05:41 grills are coming and they're on the way.
05:44 - Oh, dear Lord, do not make fun of propane, Bobby.
05:48 Do not make fun of propane.
05:50 - The holes are full and that's not a few.
05:53 20 to 40,000 BTU.
05:57 (audience laughing)
06:00 - You're laughing?
06:12 - Well, I don't know.
06:13 It's just that he's got that tank
06:17 and a great gas head.
06:21 I love it.
06:22 God help me, I love it.
06:24 - Thank you.
06:26 (audience cheering)
06:29 - Bobby, you're a funny boy.
06:36 Yeah, I used to chase skirt with your granddaddy.
06:38 He's a mean kind of funny.
06:43 Point is, you kept on laughing till the truck came.
06:46 I'm thinking maybe we send those fellas
06:48 up a straight to the north.
06:50 It's like a funeral parlor every time I walk in there.
06:52 - Yeah, we could do a few sketches,
06:54 a little improv, wear some wigs.
06:57 - And you will be called the propane maniacs.
07:01 - No, no, the propaneiacs.
07:05 - That's great, Bobby.
07:08 Here's to the propaneiacs.
07:10 - The propaneiacs. - The propaneiacs.
07:13 (birds chirping)
07:16 - I called the assistant manager up at Strickland North.
07:23 Things are bad up there, Bobby.
07:25 It's in the heart of charcoal country.
07:27 - I should probably work up some more gas-related material.
07:32 You know, Dad, it's weird,
07:33 but I don't even totally understand what propane is.
07:38 - Well, no one will ever totally understand,
07:42 sweet lady propane, but here's what we do know.
07:47 It's defined chemically as C3H8
07:51 and has an energy content of flame weeding,
07:55 tobacco curing, and defoliation.
07:58 All propane is produced from two sources, crude oil.
08:03 - All right, now we're talking.
08:05 Crude oil's got the K sound.
08:08 I can work with that.
08:10 - You see, your K is your funniest sound.
08:13 Ketchup, kangaroo, Krug vapor compressor.
08:18 - Krug compressor. (laughs)
08:20 There's two K sounds in that one.
08:22 Huh, so that's how comedy works, huh?
08:27 - It's also crucial to end on a big joke.
08:31 In improv, we call it a blackout.
08:33 They actually turn out the lights
08:35 after a big laugh to end the scene.
08:38 - Oh, boy, you sure know your comedy.
08:42 - I study the masters.
08:44 Gleason had six different bus uniforms,
08:47 depending on his weight.
08:49 - Six, huh.
08:52 That's kind of a K sound.
08:54 (upbeat music)
08:57 Sorry, Dale, you have to work at Strickland
08:59 to be in the group, except for Luanne.
09:02 She's in, her buck won't pay for T-shirts.
09:04 - I'm way funnier than Luanne.
09:07 - Watch, Bill, get a beer.
09:09 (upbeat music)
09:12 See, it just makes things more comedic.
09:22 - Bobby, you awake?
09:26 Yeah, me too.
09:29 I must be a little jazzed up about your first show.
09:33 - I was just going over the act in my head.
09:36 It takes a while 'cause I hold for laughs.
09:39 - Now, I hope these people in your head
09:42 are laughing with propane and not at it.
09:45 - Oh, yeah.
09:46 Not like with butane and those other bastard gases.
09:51 (laughing)
09:53 - Blackout.
09:56 (laughing)
09:59 (upbeat music)
10:03 (upbeat music)
10:05 ♪ The propane acts, the propane acts on the floor ♪
10:13 ♪ I will make you laugh and laugh and laugh some more ♪
10:20 ♪ We're the propane acts, propane acts for sure ♪
10:30 ♪ If you're so eager, got the gas, that is the door ♪
10:35 ♪ Propane acts, yeah ♪
10:39 (clapping)
10:41 (upbeat music)
10:44 - Don't stick a fork in me.
10:47 I'm not done yet.
10:49 - It'd be done if you'd used propane.
10:53 (upbeat music)
10:54 (laughing)
10:57 (upbeat music)
10:59 (upbeat music)
11:02 - Ahem, excuse me.
11:05 Could you assist my son with his gas?
11:10 (blowing raspberries)
11:13 - Oh, I only sell C3H8.
11:15 That smells like CH4.
11:19 - I need a new diaper.
11:22 Baby did a bad, bad thing.
11:25 (laughing)
11:27 (laughing)
11:29 - It is a bark joke, Hank.
11:33 (laughing)
11:36 (upbeat music)
11:55 - I am Hazmat the Magnificent.
11:58 The first envelope, please.
12:01 - The first envelope?
12:03 (laughing)
12:06 - Butane, charcoal, and your mother-in-law.
12:12 Name three things you'd hate to have
12:17 at your Fourth of July barbecue.
12:19 (laughing)
12:22 (upbeat music)
12:26 (upbeat music)
12:28 (bell ringing)
12:30 - All right, guys, listen up.
12:32 This came today from the Texas Propane Dealers Association.
12:36 It says in part, "We hope you'll accept our invitation
12:41 "to perform at the upcoming Southwest Propane Gas
12:45 "trade show and conference in Arlington.
12:48 "Signed sincerely, Charlie Fortner, President.
12:54 "Dictated, not read."
12:56 - Yay!
12:56 - I never met a president before.
13:01 Met Patrick Swayze, but he don't that.
13:05 I mean, he's not.
13:06 - I met Fortner twice, you know.
13:10 When he shakes your hand, boy, it stays shook.
13:13 - Okay, guys, we're gonna ride the horse that got us here.
13:19 We'll open with gas cup, then do big baby,
13:22 right into chasing bratwurst.
13:25 - Hey, you know what I was thinking might be funny?
13:28 Well, we got Charlie Fortner in the audience,
13:31 and he's a funny guy.
13:33 - Let's put him on stage.
13:35 - He could be the gas cop.
13:37 - Better yet, he could be arrested by the gas cop.
13:41 - Oh, Joe Jack arresting Charlie Fortner.
13:44 (laughing)
13:49 Charlie's gonna get a big kick out of that,
13:51 I tell you what.
13:52 - You want me to frisk Mr. Fortner?
13:55 - It'll be great.
13:56 Now, listen up, everybody.
13:58 Here's what we'll do when Fortner comes up.
14:01 - Well, he doesn't want someone like me touching him.
14:04 I'm just a driver.
14:05 My mom's his cleaning lady.
14:07 - Smiling, you're a hanging judge.
14:10 And don't get Fortner.
14:12 - Wait a minute, where's Joe Jack?
14:16 - He was drinking from his mini-canteen
14:19 out in the parking lot,
14:21 and then he was smashing car windows.
14:24 I wasn't gonna say nothing.
14:28 - Oh, God.
14:30 It's probably pre-show jitters.
14:32 Dale, do not start the show yet.
14:35 - Gotcha.
14:36 Ah, it's too late, I can't stop myself from...
14:48 - And now presenting your propaniacs.
14:51 From Arlen, Texas, Bobby.
14:54 From Arlen, Texas, Luanne.
14:58 From Arlen, Texas, Donna from accounting.
15:04 And finally, from Arlen, Texas, Joe Jack.
15:09 - Joe Jack!
15:17 - Joe Jack!
15:18 Let me take this opportunity to introduce the band.
15:26 On keyboard, the big D himself, Rusty Shackleford.
15:30 ♪ Gavcop, Gavcop, what you gonna do ♪
15:42 ♪ What you gonna do when he comes for you ♪
15:47 (clears throat)
15:49 - Charlie Fortner, we had a tip you might be in possession
15:53 of an inferior fuel.
15:56 Mr. Fortner, please come up here for questioning
16:01 and keep your hands where I can see them.
16:03 - No, no, no, no, I'm fine, thanks.
16:06 - All right, punk, we'll do it the hard way, sir.
16:12 (crowd laughing)
16:17 - Hank, Judas Priest, man, stop it.
16:20 (soulful music)
16:31 - Oh, big baby did a bad, bad, bad, bad thing.
16:34 - Joe Jack, uh, halt, halt and put down the lollygag.
16:45 - Put down the lollypop.
16:47 (laughing)
16:58 - My diaper gone bye-bye.
17:01 You got one on you?
17:03 - What, what the deuce?
17:05 Just roll with it, sir, you're doing great.
17:08 - The baby asked you for a diaper, Mr. Peepy Poopoo Pants.
17:13 How 'bout it?
17:14 - Hank, I'm getting out of here.
17:17 - No, listen to him, sir, they're loving it, come on.
17:20 - I'm gonna frisk you, diaper bandit.
17:23 Oh, no you don't, get, uh.
17:29 - Hank, Hank, get off of me, hey.
17:31 Stop it, stop it.
17:35 - Oh my God, blackout, blackout.
17:42 - Oh, I'm sorry, sir, I had no idea that you wore, uh,
17:46 you know.
17:49 - Say it, Hank, I wanna hear it come from your mouth.
17:53 - Diapers.
17:54 - You only have to say it.
17:57 I have to wear 'em and buy 'em.
18:00 - Honestly, sir, no one knew you wore those things.
18:04 - A man in a diaper comes out on stage
18:09 and asks me for a diaper.
18:11 Now somebody thought that through.
18:14 - Sir, no, I swear to you.
18:16 - I'll tell you what, you keep doing
18:18 your little propane comedy show.
18:21 You just have a good time with it.
18:23 And I will see that you never work in this business again.
18:26 You'll be back honking dungarees at Jean's West
18:29 quicker than you can say ooh la la say soon.
18:33 - Sir, if it makes you feel any better,
18:38 I also wear diapers.
18:40 - Which brand is more absorbent?
18:42 - Uh, well, uh.
18:43 - Get out!
18:45 - Hey, Dad, I've been thinking about
18:54 how great it went in Arlington,
18:56 and I've got a new closer.
18:58 You must buy, you must buy, you must buy,
19:02 propane.
19:07 (laughs)
19:09 You didn't think it was funny?
19:12 - It's not that it's not funny, Bobby.
19:15 In fact, it's the funniest thing I've ever heard.
19:18 But, uh, we're not doing the show anymore, Bobby.
19:23 Charlie Fortner will sanction
19:25 no further propaniac performances.
19:29 - I don't get it.
19:31 First you don't let me go to comedy camp,
19:33 then you make me work at your propane store.
19:37 And when I finally find something that makes it fun,
19:41 you let Charlie Fortner take it away.
19:44 (gentle music)
19:46 (birds chirping)
19:49 - Yep, those were some good times.
20:13 Bobby'd tell me something about comedy,
20:15 and then I'd teach him a little bit about propane.
20:19 You know that bit where he'd say
20:20 propane is 270 times more compact
20:24 in its liquid form than as a gas?
20:26 I gave him that line,
20:28 but he sure knew how to deliver it.
20:31 - Yes, he did.
20:33 You know, Hank, there are still places
20:36 where Boss Fortner's tentacles do not reach.
20:39 The propane maniacs could perform
20:41 in high schools, shopping malls, anywhere.
20:44 - Yes, there's over 60 million people
20:47 who use propane in this nation, Peggy.
20:50 - Well, I find that difficult to believe.
20:52 I think you mean six million.
20:54 - You want me to get the book?
20:55 - Yes, I do.
20:56 - The Propaniacs, Sunday night at the Arlen Mall.
21:04 Who's gonna reunite this Sunday night at the Arlen Mall?
21:09 - You mean it?
21:10 But what about Charlie Fortner?
21:13 - Son, there's only one man in Texas
21:16 who wears a diaper that I care about,
21:19 and that's Joe Jack in the Big Baby Sketch.
21:22 - All right, the kid stays in the picture.
21:26 (laughing)
21:28 Propaniacs, maniacs, come on, Dad.
21:33 - Uh, no, this is your moment.
21:36 - All on the floor, and we'll make you laugh
21:41 and laugh and laugh some more.
21:43 Okay, we're opening with Gas Cop.
21:52 Joe Jack, you sober?
21:55 - I've had my coffee.
21:56 ♪ Gas Cop, Gas Cop, what you gonna do ♪
22:04 ♪ What you gonna do when he comes for you ♪
22:09 ♪ What you gonna do ♪
22:13 - The story you are about to see is true.
22:16 Only the emergency shutoff valves
22:18 have been changed to protect the consumer.
22:21 - You step out of that propane-powered vehicle, honey.
22:27 - Is there a problem, Gas Cop, sir?
22:30 - Well, looks like you got so much planning to do,
22:36 given the cost, filthiness, and uneven heat
22:39 of charcoal versus propane.
22:42 - That's not my charcoal, it's a friend's.
22:46 - Wait a minute, what else are you packing?
22:52 You're not just a charcoal user, you're a dealer.
22:59 - I can't help it.
23:01 I started with butane, then moved on to the harder stuff.
23:06 Stop me before I build my own hydroelectric dam.
23:10 (laughing)
23:15 - Hydro!
23:16 That is funny.
23:21 That is funny, funny stuff.
23:25 (laughing)
23:27 (laughing)
23:29 - You have the right to remain efficient.
23:49 - I know.
23:51 If I give up the right to remain efficient,
23:54 anything I grill unevenly can be used against me
23:58 in a food court of law.
24:00 (laughing)
24:02 - The right to remain.
24:09 (laughing)
24:11 (upbeat music)
24:23 (upbeat music)
24:25 (upbeat music)
24:28 (upbeat music)
24:31 - Block out.
24:54 (laughing)