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Super Team Canada - Season 1 Episode 1 -Pilot
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Fun
Transcript
00:00The following program is rated 14 plus and may contain coarse language, violence, nudity,
00:11mature subject matter, or scenes which may not be suitable for all viewers.
00:14Viewer discretion is advised.
00:15Please pass the mustard, father.
00:31Happy to, son.
00:45People of Earth, I'm Ted Zord Senior, and I am here to enslave you.
01:15You're laundering for my weapons.
01:20And now for the beastry resistance.
01:24Huh?
01:25I work a stupid thing.
01:28There are too many buttons.
01:29This is a minute.
01:31And you're over the door.
01:35Call the Righteousness Club.
01:38In the center of all that is moral, Earth's greatest superheroes have assembled.
01:43Amazing Man.
01:49Hero Gal.
01:53Bat Crusader.
01:57Air Marine Jet.
02:01Together they are the Righteousness Club.
02:05Their mission to fight wrongdoing and defend their death.
02:11You fell on my trap, super idiot.
02:17I got you all together and then killed you all together.
02:22Without heroes, your planet is defenseless.
02:27I'll be back tomorrow with my entire armada for my complete domination of Earth.
02:34With Earth now as defenseless as a baby, soft-shell turtle, or even a baby soft-shell turtle, the world's leaders gather to plan their next steps.
02:46All Earth's heroes are dead.
02:49It's terrible, no?
02:50It's terrible, yes!
02:52It's really bad.
02:55And I'm German.
02:57We know really bad.
02:58Like always, America knows just how to handle this.
03:12Yoo-hoo!
03:13Hello?
03:13Excuse me.
03:14Sorry.
03:15I might know who can save us.
03:16Who the hell, Sinky, are you?
03:18Canada's Prime Minister.
03:21Sorry for my casual clothes.
03:23My shift to the furniture store just ended.
03:25So, who can save us?
03:28Tell!
03:28Tell!
03:29Well, for years, there have been rumors about some Canadian superheroes.
03:34If they do exist, I could try to find them.
03:36Canadian superheroes?
03:42No, you're right.
03:43Why don't we call it the Righteousness Club again?
03:45Oopsie, we can't.
03:49Make the call.
03:50In a country known for snow and not inventing post-it notes,
03:57lives six of the world's most mediocre heroes.
04:01Poutine!
04:02Able to blast hot cheesy fries at any wrongdoing in two languages.
04:08Niagara Falls!
04:10The mighty maiden of moisture and defender of the environment.
04:13Sasquatch-a-wan!
04:17The nexus of brood strength that brute ignorance.
04:21Shenuf!
04:22A young Inuit who can harness snow and ice,
04:25and sometimes, depending on the weather, even sleet.
04:31RCMPC!
04:32A cyborg that both have PC and PC.
04:36And break away!
04:39With swept steel and stick handling.
04:41When evil's in the net, he shoots and scores!
04:45Gobbled together, they'll become...
04:48Super Team Canada!
04:56Thank you all for coming.
04:57I'll be brief because I've got a sofa sale to get back to.
05:00I know none of you have met before, and this may be awkward,
05:03but you're a team now, and the world needs you.
05:05And that's why we've set you up with this lair!
05:08As a child, I never had a lair!
05:09I'm so jealous!
05:10Oh, it makes sense we haven't met before.
05:12Canada's a big, diverse country.
05:14Second largest in the world.
05:16Did you guys know Jim Carrey is Canadian?
05:18Duh!
05:19Well, as the natural team leader, let me jump over the boards.
05:22I'm sure you've all heard of me, break away.
05:25And if it helps break the ice, pun intended,
05:27I do sign autographs.
05:29Boom!
05:29Two minutes in the awesome box!
05:32Karate moves!
05:33I've only known you for ten seconds and spent nine of those wanting to beat the crap out of you.
05:37If we're forced to work together for this assignment, I nominate me.
05:40And I also vote for me.
05:42Wow!
05:42Talk about momentum!
05:44That was two votes, we all saw that.
05:46And discount Chewbacca votes for me, right?
05:48Guys, I have a solution.
05:52But maybe you don't want to hear it because I'm too handsome.
05:56Does he really need to be here?
05:58Or alive?
05:59Oh, you two know each other?
06:01That's great.
06:02It's so nice to work with friends.
06:04Oh, parts of us have met.
06:05Many times.
06:06I'm referring to, uh...
06:08We made the boom-boom jeffreyon, uh...
06:10The bonhomme carnaval.
06:11We got it, Celine Dion.
06:14Ha, ha, ha, ha.
06:15You know?
06:16Sex?
06:17It was Canada Day years ago,
06:19and I had eaten a funky Nanaimo bar.
06:21Nobody could have fought straight in that scenario.
06:23Another piece of history!
06:24Rewritten by you Angles!
06:26Mamma, mamma!
06:28No offense, but you guys seem like idiots.
06:30Let's brawl!
06:31Ah!
06:32Ah!
06:33Enough!
06:33What part of international emergency don't you goofs get?
06:38Sorry for the rough language.
06:40Sorry.
06:41Ah, my Uber pool's here.
06:43Super Team Canada is Earth's last chance,
06:45so get it together!
06:46I'm sorry.
06:47Did I have an opinion?
06:48Sorry.
06:53Damn, Ted's back early.
06:55Like our Thanksgiving!
06:56Well, like your Thanksgiving.
07:00Alright, huddle up, team.
07:03The captain is always the last man off the ship.
07:09Great job mushing up these lima beans, oh.
07:13I can't tell you how warm they feel on the...
07:16Ah!
07:16My man!
07:17Who the clown are those guys?
07:24Shut the hell!
07:26What's in this here?
07:27Move it, citizens!
07:28Out of my way!
07:30Take a seat, Grandma!
07:31I've got Ted right where I want him.
07:37Hey, Ted.
07:38Go puck yourself.
07:45People, let's discuss our approach and our feelings.
07:49Dekka, try this on for a fry.
07:53Nice to meet you!
07:55Thanks for the pre-invasion entertainment, but I grow tired of the nuisance.
08:11Now, let me show you how a pro does it.
08:14Tractor beam!
08:16My army apples!
08:22After I had saved, everyone, I am writing this tractor beam company a very stern letter.
08:30Have Earth's would-be heroes failed?
08:32Has their first mission left them defeated, humiliated, and presumably still paying for gym memberships when they don't even go anymore?
08:38A truly unfortunate turn of events, like me mixing up my medications.
08:43Hopefully this one ends better, and without the hostage negotiator.
08:50Well, well, well.
08:52Canadian superheroes.
08:54Who's ever heard of something so ridiculous?
08:56Ah!
08:57Seriously?
08:58We lost to this guy.
09:00Clark, kill that floor!
09:01Wilson, tell Clark, no one likes a tri-baby.
09:07And now, yourself.
09:09You understand.
09:10Can't have any loose ends.
09:14When I made a list of all Earth's heroes to eliminate, I never even thought of Canada.
09:21Why would I?
09:22Canada is just like my sex drive!
09:25Negligible.
09:26Enjoy the final view of your planet, because Earth as you know it is over!
09:45I know now might not be the time to point fingers, but I blame Poutine.
09:49What?
09:50I add everything under control until these two knock me out of the sky!
09:56You lactose-y liar!
10:00Sorry, Jager of your squabbling!
10:03I just forgot the best part!
10:05Well, best for me, worst for you.
10:08Ha ha ha ha ha!
10:10Ha ha ha ha!
10:12Ha ha ha ha ha!
10:14Ha ha ha ha ha!
10:15Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
10:17Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
10:19Have our heroes failed, is Earth doomed!
10:24Who's this Roger fellow who keeps calling my wife?
10:28The answers to many of these questions, but not all of them, on the next exciting episode of Super Team Canada!
10:36Previously seen on Super Team Canada!
10:48Ha ha ha ha ha!
10:51And here's some stuff that didn't happen!
10:58Last we saw our heroes, they met defeat!
11:06Now, all hope is lost, and Earth is in grave peril!
11:10Can our heroes find a way out of this mess?
11:14I sure hope so!
11:15My Nana is coming over tomorrow!
11:17Ha ha ha!
11:18These are your heroes!
11:20Your defenders!
11:22Ha ha ha ha!
11:23They didn't even put up a fight!
11:25And I respect a good fight!
11:28Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
11:30It might be wise of you to get a team of superheroes who fight the enemy more than each other!
11:36But, you know, I'm just blue sky in here!
11:42Your heroes failed!
11:44I knew I should have waited on that celebratory pierogi basket!
11:48Whoa!
11:49Hell, my six-year-old niece Molly could have done better!
11:51Of course, she has a gun I gave her at her baptism!
11:56I know I say sorry a lot, but now, well, sorry.
12:00I told you Canada was a joke!
12:03We wasted enough time letting them tug our caffy!
12:10You know, the word super-villain gets thrown around willy-nilly these days!
12:14But, ha ha ha ha ha, come on!
12:18Aren't you proud of me, Daddy?
12:20Wait, you're Ted Sr., and your father was Ted Jr.?
12:25That's how names work with us!
12:27We also put hot sauce on pancakes and can yell, BINGO, after only two numbers!
12:32Deal with it!
12:33Any-wizzle, I'm about to enslave your fellow Earthlings!
12:39Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
12:41Daddy-dub!
12:46Those bars are getting closed fast, and if this is how it ends, I need to admit something.
12:50We know you're the one who's been farting.
12:52Listen, I know you all see me as flawless.
12:54Maybe even some kind of a perfect specimen.
12:57I'm not. I say I'm smart with money, but I'm broke. My bank account's like Vancouver Stanley Cups.
13:03ZERO!
13:10Sometimes, when I say I've summoned an ice storm, I'm really just moving my arms after having checked the weather report.
13:18Once, a man in the CN Tower washroom mistook me for a urinal, and I liked it.
13:30We've been over this. I didn't mistake you for a urinal. I just didn't want to wait for one.
13:39We all have things we're embarrassed of. Remember I dated Lumberjerk.
13:43Well, that's familiar.
13:45No! Don't worry, François. She doesn't mean it.
13:49The fact is, we're all here because of our own stupid behavior spelt with a U. Like it's meant to be.
13:56We're supposed to be super team Canada, but we couldn't even follow the one core concept that makes our country so special.
14:03Curling?
14:03André Philippe Gagnon.
14:05Overpriced airport maple candy?
14:07Those things are great, but we have one thing that other countries don't.
14:10We're a mosaic made up of huge prairies, a thriving French culture, vibrant indigenous communities, politeness and a small but growing technology sector, clean, renewable energy, and...
14:22A voice like sexy gravel?
14:24Yeah, okay, sure.
14:26If only we'd all work together in the first place.
14:28Wait, I just came up with a plan. We should work together.
14:33I just said that. You heard me, and now you're simply repeating it.
14:36Ah, that's a crazy way of saying I'm right, but I always try to make time for my fans.
14:44It's not even how you spell breakaway.
14:46Now, just like Canada, we're not perfect, but you know what can make our team work?
14:52Teamwork!
14:55Computers, status report!
14:57Today's schedule. Dominate Earth. Then, dominate a nap.
15:01Two things? Gah, this is a busy day.
15:07We make Bloody Marys with Clamato juice and call them Caesars.
15:11I wasn't sure what Ted said before we burst in, so I wanted my announcement to be generic.
15:17How did you get out?
15:19I personally designed that jail cell to be escape-proof for every kind of superhero power.
15:26True, but there's one power you never thought of.
15:28A mosaic.
15:29That and breakaway kicking a hole in my oil pan with his skates.
15:33And the other smeared the oil as a protective coating on Sasquatch one,
15:37so he could step through the laser bars with only minimal damage.
15:42And now, face wipe, you're about to learn that you just pissed up the wrong maple tree.
15:48Let's do this for the good old red, white, and...
15:51Red?
15:52Super team, Canada!
15:53Let's go!
15:58Oh, dear.
16:03Oh, dear.
16:05Oh, dear.
16:05Oh, dear.
16:07You think you stopped me?
16:33Well, you have.
16:34But there's no rule that says I can't suddenly start a new thing
16:39that you haven't even thought about stopping yet.
16:48This shit is now a giant bomb
16:51heading straight up the caboose of your precious Council of Nations.
16:56He's coming for us.
16:58And I never said goodbye to my wife.
17:02I can't die.
17:04There's so much stuff I hadn't shot yet.
17:06We should have never trusted Canada.
17:08The god is a beaver.
17:10This is the end of the world.
17:12No more sorries.
17:14Sorry.
17:15I was rude.
17:16Sorry.
17:16I'll be back and I'll be even worse next time.
17:27Let's singles.
17:33The space hole is trying to escape.
17:36We can't quit now.
17:38I know just what to do.
17:40Like Niagara said.
17:41We'll see.
17:42I'll get things started with way too much water.
17:50And for drip, the fromage.
17:58Get her.
18:03It looks like you're trying to call off a kamikaze mission.
18:10Need help?
18:10Up a light?
18:11No.
18:17We did it.
18:18Great work, Super Team Canada.
18:21Don't jerk your gherkins too fast.
18:24Ted's got one more trick up his diabetic friendly sleeve.
18:27Self-destruct.
18:29Incoming.
18:30Two.
18:34They're dead.
18:36Wait, butter my biscuits.
18:43Look over there!
18:49Yay!
18:50Yes!
18:50We did it!
18:51Oh!
18:52Oh!
18:52Oh!
18:53Oh!
18:53Oh!
18:54Oh!
18:54Oh!
18:55Oh!
18:55Oh!
18:56Oh!
18:56Oh!
18:57Oh!
18:57Oh!
18:58Oh!
18:58Oh!
18:59Oh!
18:59Oh!
19:00Oh!
19:00Oh!
19:01Oh!
19:01Oh!
19:02Oh!
19:02Oh!
19:03Oh!
19:03Oh!
19:04Oh!
19:04Oh!
19:05Oh!
19:06Oh!
19:07Oh!
19:07Guys, the epissa may smell like burnt Vegemite for a...
19:10Crikey!
19:10Who the hell did this?
19:12the greatest and most polite heroes the world has ever known,
19:15Super Team Canada.
19:17I can't feel pain, but that hurt.
19:21So with great pride and a very tight 51% vote,
19:25we make Super Team Canada Earth's official and only Super Defenders.
19:30And we've also asked someone special to present you with medals
19:33in recognition of your heroism today.
19:36Bane Brodsky and his wife, Jenny.
19:39They sound close to names I've heard before,
19:40but they were maybe changed for legal reasons or something.
19:43Who cares?
19:46He's a big fan.
19:49A really big fan.
19:55And, uh, condolences.
19:57It'll be okay.
19:58He just had the life hugged out of him.
20:02Thank you all.
20:04And speaking personally,
20:05I'm humbled to be the self-appointed captain of such a great team.
20:10I think I deserve that more than you.
20:14In life, you don't get what you deserve.
20:16You get what you grab.
20:18Get off!
20:21Stop!
20:23Stop!
20:24The radioactive sex doll King Dong is causing a volcano to erupt,
20:30and it's right above a summer camp for the lava sensitive.
20:32Another crisis?
20:34How are you so strong?
20:35We are sure the good heroes are dead, yeah?
20:38Yeah.
20:40Then this seems like a job for you guys.
20:46Heroes in!
20:48It's a mad, mad world.
21:02I guess who's gonna save it all.
21:05It's a dirty job.
21:08But someone's gotta do it.
21:11Yeah, we can do it.
21:13The fate of the free world.
21:19The war times.
21:22We're the heroes of the land.
21:25Super Team Canada!
21:26spécial people in the world.
21:28Clip!
21:28ulusira!
21:29DLC
21:29말을
21:30picks up some of the dead wolf in the mountain.
21:32LICOLINE
21:33ש
21:34K
21:56You