Skip to playerSkip to main contentSkip to footer
Crime TV Show USA
  • yesterday
Ghosts Season 4 Episode 22

#CrimeTVShowUSA
🎞 Please join
https://t.me/CinemaSeriesUSFilm
Transcript
00:00I'm the most pious of moms. Who experiences less joy than I? Who is more severe?
00:07Hi, I'm Kyle.
00:09Kyle's a dumb man.
00:10Well, at least I'm alive.
00:11Oh!
00:12I can see ghosts.
00:13You can see ghosts!
00:15Sometimes I even get to come to Earth as a living human.
00:19You have not seen the last of me!
00:22Ha ha ha!
00:24Alright, let's go to the zoo!
00:26No, I made that up. I just wanted to have a private conversation without the ghosts hearing us.
00:31So no zoo? Oh, man, I really wanted some dip and dots.
00:35Okay, big news. The publisher just told me they want to have a big, fancy launch party for my vampire book about Isaac next week.
00:42That's awesome!
00:43Here's the thing, though. The party's in New York, so Isaac can't go.
00:46He's gonna be so bummed, which I can relate to as a man who thought he was gonna see tigers today.
00:50Which is why I'm thinking we just don't tell the ghosts about it.
00:54Mom, we need a cover story for why we're out of town that night.
00:58Got it. The Knicks are giving me a tryout because they uncovered some of my old high school tapes.
01:02Sweesh!
01:04Seriously?
01:04I'm low on blood sugar, okay? This is why I need my dots.
01:07Please, we're out already. We got our jackets on.
01:10They got a new baby hippo.
01:13Okay, fine.
01:14What's going on here?
01:23Oh, Bale is taking headshots of Jake.
01:25He wants to be writing in case anyone ever wants to write an article about his restaurant.
01:28Does someone want to write an article about the restaurant?
01:30No. Sadly, he's putting the cart before the horse.
01:33But what he should do is put the horse into the pie, and then the articles will surely follow.
01:38Just got back from the Windy City!
01:40Hey!
01:41Kyle and I went on a sausage tour. I spent the whole weekend smelling his kielbasa.
01:46Who's Kyle? What's a kielbasa?
01:48Kyle's that guy who can see ghosts. He was just here last week.
01:51And kielbasa is a Polish tubed meat.
01:54You're hanging out with Kyle after he did Jake so dirty?
01:57What? He apologized.
01:58And the number of livings who can see ghosts who I can hang out with is very limited.
02:02Oh, Sam.
02:03Congratulations, by the way.
02:04Kyle tells me the publisher is throwing you a big fancy book launch party in Manhattan.
02:08What?
02:08I'm pretty sure you're mistaken, Pete.
02:11Well, no. Kyle talked to Bela, and she told him.
02:13Is that why you're going to New York? I thought it was for Jay's tryout with the Knickerbockers.
02:18Jay, you told Bela about the launch party, and she told Kyle.
02:21I told her off property. I thought that was okay.
02:24Bela, why are you talking to Kyle? You have a boyfriend.
02:26What? It never hurts to have someone waiting in the wings. Eric could get hit by a bus.
02:31Oh, my God. She gonna push Eric in front of a bus.
02:34Will someone please tell me what's going on?
02:36Isaac, the publishing company is throwing a big launch party for the book.
02:41I didn't say anything because it's out of town, and you can't go.
02:44I didn't want you to feel left out.
02:46And yet, left out I feel. Like Peter, from numerous school dances growing up as you.
02:50Hey.
02:50Am I wrong? No.
02:52I'm sorry, Isaac.
02:54That makes two of us.
02:59Well, that was one heck of a House Hunters International episode.
03:03Although, the post-mortem about how it was filmed before the hurricane didn't put a damper on things.
03:08Well, I'm off. I'll see you ladies later.
03:15What was that?
03:16What?
03:17Did you just ogle Peter's posterior?
03:20You saw that?
03:20If this were a cartoon, your tongue would currently be unschooling across the floor.
03:25Okay, fine. I'm hot for Pete.
03:28Ever since that night, he and I almost kissed.
03:30Face palm to Peter's revenge.
03:32Is what we've all been calling it?
03:34I can't stop thinking about him.
03:35He's a dorky travel agent with knobby knees.
03:38But now all I can see is this globetrotting bad boy who ain't afraid to show some leg.
03:42I mean, Peter? Really?
03:44With his high socks and silly wordplay?
03:47I had a dirty dream about him.
03:48I made him keep his socks on.
03:49Birdie.
03:51Promise me.
03:52You won't say anything to anyone.
03:54No, no, no.
03:54You can trust me.
03:55I'll murder.
03:56My son murdered someone.
03:57I kept that secret for a hundred years.
03:59I know.
03:59It was me.
04:00Perhaps you weren't the best audience for that particular anecdote, but it does prove my point.
04:04Your shameful secret is safe with me.
04:08Isaac, I really do feel bad about the book launch party, so I convinced him to do the party here instead.
04:18Surprise!
04:18Surprise!
04:20What?
04:21No one's ever surprised me before.
04:23Except the British at White Plains, which I deftly repelled with a surrender.
04:27But anything like this.
04:30I just called the publisher and explained that I had crippling agoraphobia, which I was able to back up with a note from my therapist.
04:36Thank you, Thor.
04:37You're welcome.
04:38Glad that Thor 18 best friend in some small way helped you move body.
04:43But Samantha will still be well attended up here, yes?
04:45I mean, I'm thrilled to participate, but I wouldn't want the change of venue to compromise the success of the event.
04:51Don't worry, Isaac.
04:52Everyone is still coming.
04:54All the tastemakers.
04:55All the buyers from the big booksellers.
04:57Trust me, it's going to be awesome.
04:59Of course it is.
05:00I mean, the place is looking great.
05:01It's going to be fun.
05:02And who doesn't like fun?
05:03Uh, guys, we got company.
05:11Oh, hey, patients.
05:13I smell the devil's presence.
05:16Okay.
05:18Yes.
05:20Yes.
05:21Evil is near.
05:24I shall snap it out.
05:27Vagents!
05:30Nice to see you, too.
05:33Who is this lady?
05:35Our editor.
05:36She's the best.
05:38Most of her notes concern things Samantha insisted upon.
05:40She didn't really love all my stuff.
05:42Are you sure you don't want us to throw up some cobwebs or some spooky stuff?
05:46I mean, it is a vampire novel.
05:47Yeah, but this isn't Comic-Con.
05:49Yeah, Jay, it isn't Comic-Con.
05:51And this may be a YA genre novel, but we're hosting New York's literary elite tonight.
05:56And they don't respond well to gimmicks.
05:58That's the tone Sharon uses when she's called Samantha for a stray comma.
06:01And she uses a lot of them.
06:04Check out this poster.
06:05Isaac Wyshef.
06:07That vampire would certainly clean up with the ladies.
06:10Kind of like this guy recently.
06:11Oh, jeez, I hope it goes well tonight.
06:13I mean, all these VIPs that could make or break the book.
06:15Apparently, there's a lady coming who has three million followers.
06:18Wow.
06:19Bruce only had 32 followers.
06:22How big is her yurt?
06:24The evil is close.
06:25Oh, I can sense it.
06:28Patience.
06:28So good to see you.
06:31How are things in the dirt?
06:34What goeth on here?
06:35Oh, they're setting up for a book launch party.
06:37Isaac and Sam wrote a vampire novel.
06:40What is a vampire?
06:41It's an undead creature that sucks blood and drains the life force of people.
06:45This party is to celebrate the undead?
06:49That sounds demonic.
06:51I mean, we're ghosts, so maybe don't throw stones.
06:54Hey, guys, what's she doing here?
06:57What's going on?
06:58I'm talking to the ghosts, and I brought you over so I don't look crazy.
07:01But there's a Puritan here who lives in the dirt and has a history of ruining events.
07:06Something brought me from the dirt today.
07:10A presence, most evil.
07:12And now that I'm here, I fear it is this most unholy event for which you are preparing.
07:17Oh, no, this is just a book party.
07:19Hey, there's not going to be anything unholy happening here.
07:22You guys got to try these deviled eggs.
07:24The eggs of the devil?
07:26No, they're sprinkled with the blood of the innocent.
07:29Pretty sure that's just paprika.
07:31Listen, patience.
07:32Patience is here?
07:33She's not going to do the wall blood thing, is she?
07:35Wall blood thing?
07:37That is exactly what I intend to do.
07:39This occult gathering shall not occur.
07:41Wait, no.
07:45You're right.
07:46The party totally has satanic undertones that I just didn't see.
07:49But thank you for bringing them to our attention.
07:52We are going to call the whole thing off right now.
07:54Mm-hmm.
07:55Wait, we are?
07:55Yes.
07:56Patience is hardened that you have canceled your event.
07:59And yet, I still sense a strong force of evil about.
08:05Perhaps I shall remain, lest the evil show itself.
08:08Uh, you know, maybe the evil you're sensing is back at the house.
08:13Really?
08:14Yeah, yeah.
08:14I've been getting strong evil vibes from the mansion lately.
08:18You know, it would be great to have an expert come check it out.
08:20Maybe do a sweep.
08:21I suppose I could investigate.
08:24You're a lifesaver.
08:25Patience will not fail you.
08:27Fool.
08:28May I?
08:28Oh, that woman's about to eat the devil's eggs.
08:30She will carry the spunk.
08:31What the?
08:33Sorry, I saw some shell in there.
08:38Another soul saved.
08:40Was he making pubs in the Dirty Dream?
08:43I said I don't want to discuss it anymore.
08:45But yes, there was a lot of talk about his arrow.
08:49Greetings.
08:49Oh, God, what's she doing here?
08:51I mean, hey, girl.
08:53So, guys, Patience showed up at the book launch
08:56and helpfully identified the proceedings as evil.
08:59So, with that taken care of,
09:02we thought maybe Patience could help expose
09:05and clean up any evil here in the house,
09:08away from the barn.
09:10Oh, yeah.
09:12You know, now that you mention it,
09:14that face seems pretty evil.
09:18Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
09:20No.
09:21No, I'm not sensing the devil's hand at play in that face.
09:23Okay.
09:26But that...
09:27Oh.
09:27Oh.
09:27Yeah, that thing screams evil.
09:29I mean, look at it.
09:32No.
09:33It is just a toy.
09:35It seems nothing in this house requires my righteous intervention.
09:39Perhaps I should return to the barn
09:40to ensure the devilish mirth hath fully ceased.
09:43Alberta's been having impure thoughts about Peter.
09:48What the hell, Annie?
09:49Wait, what?
09:50What?
09:50She's been obsessed since she tried to kiss him
09:53and he face-pumped her.
09:55And it just, it seems really sinful
09:56and perhaps something that you could help smite.
10:01He face-pumped you?
10:03Oh, my God, this isn't my man.
10:05There is something we can do
10:06that shall rid you of this evil.
10:09I'm good.
10:09Alberta!
10:10Yeah, Patience is willing to help you here in the house.
10:15No matter how long that may take.
10:19Fine.
10:20Hallelujah!
10:21I'm so excited!
10:23But not too excited, for to be so is a sin.
10:29I can't believe Patience.
10:31What did I ever do to her?
10:33Well, you did sneeze and let go of her hand,
10:35abandoning her to the dirt for over a century.
10:37That fair and Puritan almost ruined my book's chances
10:40of becoming a bestseller
10:40and, with the grace of God,
10:42a lavish Broadway musical.
10:44I wonder if Samantha could get the Tonys relocated to this barn.
10:47Patience is crazy.
10:48She's fine, evil, and things as innocent as picnic.
10:51Orgy.
10:52Point is, sometimes things just good, clean fun.
10:55Right?
10:56There's nothing evil going on here?
10:59So, what part of the city do you love, Ed?
11:01Hmm.
11:02Hell's Kitchen.
11:02Hmm.
11:08Alberta, are you ready to confess in detail
11:11all your most impure thoughts regarding Peter?
11:15Yeah, let's get this over with.
11:16But do these two really need to be here?
11:18It's not a day of humiliation without witnesses.
11:20A day what?
11:21Come in, everyone, it's time.
11:25Come in, that's it, that's it.
11:27Make sure you can see.
11:29She can't feel your judgment if she can't see you.
11:31seriously you want me to spill my guts in front of creepy dark why am i being singled out he's
11:36actually quite an empathetic listener in the puritan community we believed that the surest
11:42way to rid oneself of impure urges was to declare them publicly all right let's do it let her rip
11:50okay um ah screw it what the hell i've had lustful thoughts about pete
12:01and i can't seem to stop them i thought it started a couple weeks ago when i saw this
12:06different side of him this bad boy side but the truth is maybe these feelings have always been
12:14there and i just didn't want to see them when i first met him i thought he was nice but maybe too
12:21nice never the top guy i would ever go for so i kept him at arm's length but maybe all i was
12:30really denying was myself because i'm starting to think a guy like pete is exactly what i need
12:38but i blew it i waited until he had a girlfriend before i took my shot so i guess shame on me
12:47yes shame on you shame shame
13:09oh my god kyle get this the ghost brought this like puritan lady back to the house to distract her so
13:16she won't ruin the book launch party
13:18i just came by the house to grab something but i'm heading back there now no no no they told her
13:22they canceled the party but then they just like went ahead with it patience have been tricked
13:27patience will not stand for this patience
13:38i've had your pure thoughts about katherine don't do this steward
13:44going samantha they're loving this excerpt you're reading
13:47isaac isaac and his fellow patriots crept onto the vessel under cover of darkness
13:51the boston blood party was about to begin no exsanguination without representation shouted captain
13:57higgettooth at the redcoats who howled impotently at the moon so we're the werewolves
14:04i'm having trouble firing
14:06oh crap
14:08oh crap
14:12said captain higgettooth as he heaved his barrel into the bay we're trying to stop us
14:18if you won't put an end to this demonic gathering then i shall
14:30look at that
14:38so cool right
14:40oh wow
14:42wow
14:51where does the blood come from
14:54i don't ask that question
14:55thank you
15:08thank you
15:08Oh, Alberta. Hey, I was just smelling a block of cheese. How'd you know it was me?
15:22I recognize one of your foot sores. Oh, yeah, that's a distinctive one. Thank you.
15:28Have you seen Pete anywhere? Yeah, I think he fled the property.
15:31What? It was right after your day of humiliation speech. He said something about having to get
15:36out of here, and then he just booked it. Those little twigs can move fast. Oh, my God.
15:41I scared him away. It was pretty intense. Not defending the guy, but you laid a lot on him.
15:48I'm such an idiot. Damn it, Alberta. This is what you get for being vulnerable.
15:54Okay. There, there. Sorry, I'm not the greatest in situations like these.
16:02You know who you should talk to? Creepy Dirk. He's a very empathetic listener.
16:12To Isaac Higgintooth, colonial vampire. May the sales of this book begin to remotely offset the amount of money we've lost on ghosts.
16:20How do you, babe?
16:21Thank you, sweetie.
16:22Thank you, Samantha.
16:24At the world, to see the crowd reacting to our words. Mostly my words, but you didn't type them.
16:30Jane, can you believe we're here in your restaurant celebrating my book? We have come a long way.
16:37I know. Like, we've had our ups and downs, but it's feeling like everything's starting to click for us.
16:41Hi. Just wanted to say, great party. The book looks really fun.
16:46Thank you. I'm Sam. This is my husband, Jane. He's actually the man I came over here to talk to.
16:50Jillian Klein, food editor, New York mag. Just wanted to say the food tonight was outstanding.
16:55Oh, my God. Thank you.
16:56We've actually been talking about Mahesh and some of our internals. Anyway, we'd love to do a cover story on you and the restaurant, if you're interested.
17:04That's amazing. It's literally like my dream.
17:07How do you even know about the restaurant?
17:09Well, to be honest, it wasn't really on our radar being all the way out here, but your publicist, you made a really persuasive case.
17:16And he was right.
17:17Let's get in touch.
17:18Okay.
17:21Did you sign with a publicist?
17:22Yeah, I didn't want to tell you because I was too embarrassed, but then I thought, what the hell?
17:26Balloon, Jane?
17:27No!
17:28No.
17:28Speak of the devil. Here he is now.
17:31Oh, my God.
17:32What's wrong, babe?
17:33This is Elias Woodstone.
17:35No, this is Brent, my publicist.
17:37No, this is Hedy's husband, who was also a ghost that went to hell, but now apparently has taken human form?
17:44He got a promotion in hell, and now he composes a living to reap souls.
17:49He told us a few weeks ago when he popped back.
17:51In retrospect, we probably should have mentioned something.
17:55You think?
17:55What is going on?
17:57Your wife is correct, actually.
17:58Although you know me as Brent McAfee, a hardworking publicist, I am, in fact, Elias Woodstone, an emissary for the devil.
18:05No.
18:06When you signed the contract to hire me, in exchange for making your dreams come true, I secured your soul for Satan.
18:12Seriously?
18:13Jay, you have to read the fine print.
18:15I told you all I would not rest until I reaped a soul from this house.
18:19Oh, I wonder if this is the evil Patience was sentencing.
18:22The little dirt troll was right on the line.
18:25So what does this mean, Elias?
18:26When Jay dies, is he going to hell?
18:29Exactly.
18:30By the way, you're welcome for the cover story, and it's looking good for an appearance on Kelly Clarkson.
18:35What?
18:36No, I want out.
18:37Forget the cover story.
18:38I want my soul.
18:39Hmm.
18:40Unfortunately, what's done is done.
18:42What's important for you is to relax and enjoy what little time you have left to live.
18:47What do you mean, little time?
18:48I'm still young.
18:49I'm in good shape.
18:50Not sure that's true.
18:51I'm mostly sonic at this point.
18:53Well, you are young, but we have ways of speeding things along.
18:56Look out!
19:03Rats.
19:04Thought I'd get him on the first try.
19:06Oh, well.
19:07See you soon.
19:08I'll get you a code on that.
19:19Alberta.
19:20Pete.
19:21Uh-uh.
19:22I'm going to stop you right there.
19:23All that stuff I said before, I was just going along with it to distract patients.
19:29I never really mean any of it, so we could just forget it.
19:32I don't want to forget it.
19:34I want to talk about it.
19:35Pete, you literally fled the property.
19:37You've been gone for two days, so let's just move on.
19:41The reason I left was because I had to go talk to Donna.
19:45To tell her that I can't see her anymore because there's something I have to do.
19:49What?
19:50This.
19:57Oh, my.
19:59Lip strength.
20:00That's from my oboe days.
20:02So, what did I miss while I was gone?
20:07Well, a couple things.
20:10Sam?
20:10I'm afraid to use a toaster.
20:13Sam?
20:13Sam?