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Transcript
00:00:00Well, I wonder, I'm scared
00:00:15I said, I wonder, I'm scared
00:00:24Six eight people died Today, there'll be more tomorrow
00:00:31When we're gonna realize this is a road that's built in sorrow
00:00:35Give me a bending节
00:00:35Give me a bending节
00:00:41Deep red tracks, cutting to your mind
00:00:49If you look a blood long enough, you'll have no pity left to find
00:00:53I always knew
00:00:55The world would look so crazy
00:00:58I was underneath the ground
00:01:00Pushing up your daisies
00:01:02Make the world look pretty
00:01:03Pushing up your daisies
00:01:09Pushing up your daisies
00:01:12Pushing up your daisies
00:01:18Pretty now
00:01:23The law tells us
00:01:33That a man will never act
00:01:35Against his natural will
00:01:36Which is to do absolutely nothing
00:01:41He will be content to continue dating you
00:01:45Until A meets someone else
00:01:48B is forced to pop the question
00:01:52Or C
00:01:53Meet somebody else
00:01:55Who forces him to pop the question
00:01:57You're fed up with all the excuses
00:01:59And you want that engagement ring
00:02:01You've probably broken up
00:02:03With the love of your life
00:02:04Out of total frustration
00:02:06That's no way to go
00:02:07Because there's someone out there
00:02:08Who will soon be having your man
00:02:10Saying those words
00:02:11I do
00:02:12But you won't be invited to that wedding
00:02:14Don't let it happen to you
00:02:17We've outlined a simple yet elegant plan
00:02:19To motivate your one and only
00:02:21To make that leap of faith
00:02:23So you've broken up
00:02:24With the love of your life
00:02:25What do you do now
00:02:27Will
00:02:37Is there something you want to tell me?
00:02:41I don't think so
00:02:43What can I get you folks today?
00:03:07I'll have the jumbo wedding combo
00:03:14And that comes with an all expensive paid wedding
00:03:16A house in the suburbs
00:03:17And a lifelong husband
00:03:18How do you want him?
00:03:20No hangups
00:03:21No whining
00:03:21No complaining
00:03:22No insensitivity
00:03:24Successful
00:03:25Well you must be good at sex
00:03:27Multiple orgasms
00:03:28I must
00:03:29Would you like anything?
00:03:32No
00:03:33I'm hungry right now
00:03:34Actually I'm really happy
00:03:35With our relationship
00:03:36Laura
00:03:37Are you dumping me?
00:03:38Well you're still in law school
00:03:39I'm not ready
00:03:40Old boyfriends will have to leave
00:03:42Do you mind?
00:03:43We're in the middle of ordering
00:03:44Laura can come work this out
00:03:48Laura what are you doing?
00:03:53After I graduate we'll get married
00:03:55I promise
00:03:56Sorry Will
00:03:57You're just not ready
00:03:58Laura
00:03:59You're making a mistake
00:04:00I want to get married
00:04:02Please don't do this
00:04:08What did I do?
00:04:14Laura
00:04:17Will
00:04:20What's the matter?
00:04:22Oh god
00:04:22Oh man
00:04:24I had this terrible dream
00:04:26I was in this cafe from hell
00:04:28You were ordering a new husband
00:04:31I got thrown out of the house
00:04:32Um
00:04:35Well we should talk
00:04:37Maybe we should get together later for coffee
00:04:41Why don't you just tell me now?
00:04:44I want to break up
00:04:48You what?
00:04:52I haven't been thinking about it
00:04:54Laura our relationship is just starting to bloom
00:04:58After four years?
00:05:00Just give me a little more time
00:05:01I mean you know how I am with that thing
00:05:03Commitment?
00:05:04That
00:05:05You can't even say it
00:05:06We are committed
00:05:08But you know why do anything to ruin an already perfect relationship?
00:05:12Like marriage?
00:05:13Exactly
00:05:14What are you just looking for me to do?
00:05:16Wait another four years?
00:05:18What do you mind?
00:05:23Hello?
00:05:24Will?
00:05:25Mom I can't really talk right now
00:05:26Are you studying?
00:05:28It's not really a good time right now
00:05:30Okay?
00:05:31The house is on fire
00:05:32I gotta go
00:05:32Bye
00:05:33Your parents again?
00:05:35Will they run your life for you
00:05:37They really care about me
00:05:39Okay?
00:05:40So they're a little neurotic and overbearing
00:05:42And sometimes completely irrational
00:05:44But that's only because
00:05:45We love our son
00:05:46He's going to be an attorney
00:05:48A tax attorney
00:05:49That's the problem
00:05:51You hate law school
00:05:52You never wanted to be an attorney
00:05:54That's not true
00:05:55I do want to be an attorney very much
00:05:56And I'm very passionate about law school
00:05:58You want me to believe that?
00:05:59Yes I do
00:06:00You're a closet grease monkey
00:06:01Who spends every waking hour
00:06:03Working on his classic 62 Mustang
00:06:05Okay first of all Laura
00:06:06It's not a 62
00:06:07It's a 66
00:06:08And secondly
00:06:09The first Mustang
00:06:10Wasn't even in production
00:06:11Until 64
00:06:12The point is
00:06:14You love classic car restoration
00:06:15More than anything else
00:06:17And you won't admit it
00:06:18Really?
00:06:19Yes
00:06:20Well at least I'm not the one
00:06:21Living in the lap of luxury
00:06:22On my parents' tab
00:06:23Oh that's not fair
00:06:24I'm house sitting
00:06:25And it's only till they get back
00:06:26From Martha's Vineyard
00:06:27And you're just trying to change the subject
00:06:29Ooh
00:06:29Why would I do that?
00:06:30I really love being dumped
00:06:31On what ordinarily could have been
00:06:33A fun filled kind of day
00:06:34Now let me tell you about life
00:06:35It's not a genius old picture
00:06:37It only bits upon you
00:06:38When you own the mix
00:06:39You're right
00:06:40When it's up to pace
00:06:41You better forget about it
00:06:43And let the drum and tone race
00:06:44I got myself to blame
00:06:46Whatever the reason
00:06:47I want you to take
00:06:47To cut my
00:06:48There's only one man capable
00:06:52Of making me more confused
00:06:54My new roommate
00:06:55Mr. Neurosis
00:06:56George
00:06:57He wasn't always such a sad soul
00:06:59He went from being
00:07:01An up and coming historian
00:07:02First in our UCLA class
00:07:04To his present condition
00:07:05Last year when Janet dumped him
00:07:07He went into shock
00:07:08And he's never been the same since
00:07:10He's letting me stay with him
00:07:12After Laura kicked me out
00:07:13Every breakup
00:07:17Is basically the same
00:07:19You think that everything's fine
00:07:21And then you wake up one morning
00:07:22And she's dumping you
00:07:24It's better to make a preemptive strike
00:07:28Dump them before they can dump you
00:07:30I don't know about this
00:07:32Breaking up with him
00:07:33When I don't feel like
00:07:34Breaking up with him
00:07:34To push him into something
00:07:35He doesn't just want to do
00:07:37Okay, one question
00:07:38Do you love the guy?
00:07:40Yeah
00:07:40No, I don't know
00:07:43I love him
00:07:45But I hate him
00:07:46I'm happiest when I'm with him
00:07:50Damn him, he's ruined me
00:07:52Nobody else compares with him
00:07:54Then you've done the right thing
00:07:56You're obviously in love with somebody
00:08:00Who's immature
00:08:00And doesn't know what he wants
00:08:02This could go on indefinitely
00:08:05If you let it
00:08:06But we're not going to
00:08:07Because we're following the law
00:08:09The law has guided many troubled single women
00:08:14On the treacherous road to engagement
00:08:15So get your man to say the two words he fears most in this world
00:08:20I do
00:08:21You know, only complete moron would be stupid enough
00:08:24To be duped into marriage by something like that
00:08:26And get your copy now
00:08:28The law tells us there's nothing more compelling than a little jealousy
00:08:31Start out slowly and just build it up
00:08:34You're special, but he has to be re-educated from time to time
00:08:38Make him want you more
00:08:40Conveniently, have roses delivered to yourself
00:08:43Hey, I got a delivery for Laura
00:08:46It's a romance deluxe bouquet
00:08:48Thank you
00:08:51And when he asks you about them, change the subject
00:08:55So you're dating?
00:08:57Not really, it's just a friend thing, you know?
00:08:59Make sure you attach a romantic note to the bouquet
00:09:03And get him to read it
00:09:05Make sure your love note alludes to some romantic moment from your date
00:09:08And be creative
00:09:10So where do you spell it?
00:09:12On the couch
00:09:13Oh, on the old couch
00:09:15Yeah
00:09:16Mind if I take a look?
00:09:19Be my guest
00:09:20Okay
00:09:21When he begins to panic, just be casual
00:09:25So it was a romantic moment
00:09:27Maybe he was getting a little comfortable next to you
00:09:29And then he moved in for the kiss
00:09:30Is that when he spilled it?
00:09:32Let's give this some time
00:09:34Let things cool off between us
00:09:36Cool off?
00:09:38Why?
00:09:40Laura, now is the time to work things out
00:09:42It's hard not to melt
00:09:43But remember that if you do, you lose
00:09:45Get back together, it can work
00:09:46I'm confused right now
00:09:48I need time to think
00:09:59You might be tempted to call it off
00:10:02Don't even think about it
00:10:04You've gone too far to turn back now
00:10:06It will get easier
00:10:07Just remember you're only apart from each other
00:10:10So that you can be together later
00:10:11A small sacrifice now means a lifetime of happiness
00:10:15Remember that old boyfriend, college pal, co-worker
00:10:19That had eyes for you?
00:10:20Well, I hope you saved their number
00:10:22Because it's time to call in your army
00:10:25It's ringing
00:10:28Hello?
00:10:30Strobe?
00:10:30Yeah?
00:10:31Yeah, hi
00:10:32Um, I know this is strange
00:10:34But this is Laura from high school
00:10:37Go on a date or two
00:10:38Nothing serious
00:10:39Maybe a dinner or a movie
00:10:41Just remember to make sure your man knows about it
00:10:45Laura!
00:10:48But not too much
00:10:49The less he knows, the better
00:10:51Leave him in a state of confusion
00:10:53As he tries to figure out who you're actually dating
00:10:55All he knows is that it isn't him
00:10:58Will, is that you?
00:10:59Watch as your boyfriend will try anything to get back into your life
00:11:02I thought I'd just drop by and beg for forgiveness
00:11:04I'd be wasting your time, Will
00:11:06Well, I didn't see it that way
00:11:07Are you the wine spiller?
00:11:10Who?
00:11:10The wine spiller
00:11:11This is not a good time
00:11:13We'll talk later
00:11:15Bye
00:11:16Oh, here's a strawberry
00:11:18Oh, thanks a lot for this
00:11:22He'll die of jealousy as confusion sets in
00:11:24He won't know what to do
00:11:25He's a stranger in this new world of uncertainty
00:11:28That's Strobe Riley, Laura's ex
00:11:31He's the wine spiller
00:11:32Ex-boyfriends are deadly
00:11:35Man, I always knew she still liked him
00:11:37And he was probably just waiting for us to break up
00:11:40Ex-boyfriends have this breakup radar
00:11:43It's like they can smell the stench of it
00:11:45Come on
00:11:47In a couple of days or so, your boyfriend will begin to panic
00:11:50He doesn't know what's going on in your life
00:11:53And that can be used to your advantage
00:11:55Watch as he begins to spy on you
00:11:59Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey
00:12:08Knock it off
00:12:10I'm trying to concentrate, right?
00:12:11On what?
00:12:11Being the jealous ex-boyfriend?
00:12:13I'm not jealous
00:12:14I'm just curious
00:12:14That's all
00:12:15I think I'd be a little curious myself if I were you
00:12:18See, right at this moment
00:12:20Laura's probably engaging in some serious heavy petting
00:12:23Which is probably going to lead to some hot sex
00:12:25What are you trying to do?
00:12:28Are you trying to make me more of a wreck than I already am?
00:12:30Just knock it off
00:12:31What a dick
00:12:32Hey, that was quick
00:12:34Oh, look at the Michael Bolton hair
00:12:36I already hate him
00:12:37I, I, there's nothing to worry about
00:12:41Laura probably didn't even reach orgasm
00:12:43I'm sure this is going to be their last day
00:12:45You are not making me feel any better, man
00:12:48All right, William, a clue for you
00:12:52You shouldn't care at all about this guy
00:12:55You guys are broken up
00:12:56It should not matter to you whatsoever
00:12:57Who this guy with the bad pants is sleeping with
00:13:00And it doesn't matter to me at all who Janet sleeps with
00:13:02You shouldn't care at all
00:13:04I don't
00:13:06Oh, come on, let's go home
00:13:07It's ridiculous
00:13:08Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, what are you doing?
00:13:12What are you doing?
00:13:14Oh, okay, now you're about to cross that line
00:13:16In his psychotic ex-boyfriend's territory
00:13:19He'll probably follow him around town
00:13:21He wants to know who he's dealing with
00:13:23He won't rest until he sizes up his competition
00:13:26Okay, well, well, we know he's going to work out
00:13:29Now, can we please go home?
00:13:31I have to meet the competition, George
00:13:33No
00:13:34No, no, I really think that's a very bad idea
00:13:37Well, hey, maybe I'll like him
00:13:38You know, we might just become friends
00:13:40I suppose that could happen
00:13:42But I seriously, seriously doubt that
00:13:45Listen to me, Will
00:13:46This is a crossroads in our lives
00:13:50Where we can either accept the fact
00:13:52That we've been dumped with some kind of dignity
00:13:54Or we can do something really dumb
00:13:57I'm gonna go with George B
00:13:59Come on, Mr. Neurosis
00:14:01Come on, Mr. Neurosis
00:14:01Do I know you?
00:14:17Yeah, I've been screwing my girlfriend
00:14:20You're a buddy guy
00:14:23True Riley
00:14:26Chuck Winters
00:14:29This is my friend Harry Smith
00:14:31Joined the gym
00:14:31Good to meet you
00:14:33You've probably seen us around
00:14:35Maybe cruising the bars down to Manhattan Beach
00:14:38Talk about some babes, huh?
00:14:40Yeah, tell me about it
00:14:41Like, I just picked up this little hottie last night
00:14:45Probably one of the worst one-liners ever
00:14:48What?
00:14:50I'm embarrassed
00:14:51Did you know
00:14:55That whoever invented the alphabet made a mistake?
00:14:58They forgot to put you and I together
00:15:01Yeah, that's very clever
00:15:05Yeah
00:15:06I have a simple yet elegant philosophy
00:15:09You can say anything and it won't matter
00:15:12If the girl wants you
00:15:14How's that?
00:15:16Oh
00:15:17Well, you see
00:15:18Most guys make the mistake of thinking that
00:15:21It's a nice warm guy that a girl wants
00:15:24They don't
00:15:25They want the asshole
00:15:26You look like an asshole
00:15:29I do my best
00:15:31You're doing pretty good
00:15:33Like I'm dating this girl now
00:15:37Who just dubbed it Loser
00:15:39Well, I, uh, Loser in the best sense of the word
00:15:42Right?
00:15:44No
00:15:44The guy's a head case
00:15:47And she's finally had enough of this bullshit
00:15:49Well, that sounds promising
00:15:52Oh, yeah
00:15:53This girl's a cutie
00:15:55Tight ass
00:15:57Great perky tits
00:16:00So you've seen them
00:16:01Next day
00:16:04I'll have her
00:16:05And if all else fails
00:16:10You go with a CZ
00:16:12CZ?
00:16:14A cubic zirconian engagement ring
00:16:17Ah, a little champagne
00:16:21A roaring fireplace
00:16:22And a CZ
00:16:23Always guarantee success
00:16:25And what looks like a two-carat shiner
00:16:28It's actually a $49.95 special
00:16:31And you're gonna do this with the new catch?
00:16:34Oh, yeah
00:16:34I've already got it planned out
00:16:36I'll wait for some intimate moment
00:16:38We'll be making dinner
00:16:40And then I'll pop the question
00:16:43Laura
00:16:45Will you marry me?
00:16:48She'll melt
00:16:49They all do
00:16:52You know what?
00:17:08It's really nice talking to you
00:17:09But I gotta go
00:17:11Give me a quarter
00:17:14No
00:17:14Come on, give me a quarter
00:17:15No, you're the one
00:17:15Who's gonna look like a jerk
00:17:16Not strobe, okay?
00:17:17I have got to tell her
00:17:18Who she's dealing with
00:17:19No, no, no
00:17:20What are you gonna say?
00:17:21Hey, Laura, how you doing?
00:17:23I've been stalking your new boyfriend
00:17:25Um, goodbye
00:17:26All right, you're right
00:17:30I'm right?
00:17:32Yes
00:17:32You're actually listening to me
00:17:34Yes, I'm listening to you
00:17:35Hey
00:17:36Let her find out for herself
00:17:38You know, let her see
00:17:39Who she's dealing with
00:17:40Exactly
00:17:41Exactly
00:17:41He's only the rebound guy
00:17:43It's not gonna last very long
00:17:44Trust me
00:17:45She's gonna date him for a while
00:17:47Then realize that you're the special guy
00:17:49So what happened with Janet?
00:17:52Still dating her rebound guy
00:17:53Laura!
00:18:03You better have some catastrophic news
00:18:05That guy you're dating, strobe
00:18:06He's just using you
00:18:07He told me that
00:18:08Are you spying on me?
00:18:09Yeah
00:18:09No
00:18:10Anyway, listen
00:18:11He's just trying to get you into bed
00:18:13Oh, you're insane
00:18:14Okay, well, just listen to me
00:18:15We are not going out
00:18:17No, I know
00:18:18But this has nothing to do with-
00:18:18But nothing
00:18:19I'm doing something
00:18:20I'm in the middle of taking a shower
00:18:21What?
00:18:22Can you just-
00:18:23All right, well
00:18:25I'll talk to you later
00:18:28Chapter 25
00:18:32Take no prisoners
00:18:34By this time he will succumb to his emotions
00:18:36And offer you his hand down the aisle
00:18:38If you've not yet received a ring
00:18:41It's time to get bold
00:18:42Don't lose your cool
00:18:43Because you're almost at your goal
00:18:45You have to remember to go to the edge
00:18:47Risk everything if necessary
00:18:50There's a good chance your boyfriend has your answering machine message retrieval code
00:18:55If he does, you can use it to your advantage
00:18:58He'll think he's clever checking your messages on a daily basis
00:19:01You have 21 new messages
00:19:16First message
00:19:17I met the cutest guy
00:19:19He's perfect for you
00:19:20You're going to love him
00:19:21Next message
00:19:23Laura, don't say no
00:19:24We're going out tonight
00:19:25I'm kidnapping you for a night of fun, fun, fun
00:19:28I can't believe he offered to take you to Hawaii next month
00:19:31Don't say no
00:19:32We're going out tonight
00:19:33Hey, how you doing?
00:19:33Call me anytime
00:19:34I'm so glad to hear that you're
00:19:36Definitely leave messages from old, new, and prospective boyfriends
00:19:40It'll make him nuts
00:19:41After this emotional rollercoaster
00:19:44Let him know that you're having a party
00:19:46A big party that he's not invited to
00:19:49It'll frustrate him
00:19:50And that's exactly what you want
00:19:52Hey, Laura, how you doing?
00:19:54This is the Strobmeister
00:19:55And I'll be at your barbecue Friday
00:19:57I'll see you there
00:19:58I love barbecues
00:20:01She's having a party
00:20:02We're going
00:20:04No, no, we're not going, man
00:20:06Look, that is just going to make you more nuts
00:20:08Can't you see that that is exactly what you want?
00:20:11Learn from my mistakes
00:20:12Oh, that's really easy to say for someone whose mantra has been
00:20:15Please come back, please come back for the last ten months
00:20:18Fine, but you don't have to become me, man
00:20:20All right?
00:20:21Why don't you take a look at me?
00:20:22Look at this unhappy sight right here
00:20:24Notice perhaps the unkempt hair and the dark circles under my eyes?
00:20:27I am not a particularly happy person
00:20:30Do you want to become just like me?
00:20:33I don't care
00:20:34Fine
00:20:37Fine, commit suicide
00:20:38I am not going with you
00:20:40I am not going
00:20:41Well, I really don't think crashing this party is a very good idea at all
00:20:47It's not crashing, it's socializing
00:20:49Look, just because Laura's my ex-girlfriend
00:20:50That doesn't mean that we can't go to the party
00:20:52And besides, I thought we'd still be friends, you know
00:20:54Please face it
00:20:54You're not here because you want to be friends
00:20:56You are insanely jealous
00:20:58You just want to know
00:20:59She's sleeping
00:20:59No
00:21:00Yes
00:21:01Okay, fine, it's true
00:21:03But there's nothing wrong with a little curiosity
00:21:05No, no, no, no
00:21:07It's just because if we go in there
00:21:09You're just going to end up getting in a fight with Laura
00:21:11And you're going to get yourself all upset
00:21:13And you could look like a big jerk in front of lots of people
00:21:15I'm not going to become upset
00:21:17Today, I plan on just being mild noon
00:21:20And like, that's all, that's it
00:21:21Come to the party
00:21:23You know you want to go
00:21:24When he finally arrives, do your best to make him feel uncomfortable
00:21:30Don't worry, your guests will help out
00:21:33Hey, you're the romance deluxe guy
00:21:37Right
00:21:41He certainly spots you with your faux boyfriend
00:21:43His replacement
00:21:45It'll make him miserable
00:21:47And more importantly, make him want you more
00:21:49I'm glad we came
00:21:54I'll just get our lives on the dating
00:21:56Sorry to hear about the breakup, buddy
00:22:00Laura's great, man
00:22:02She's going to be hard to replace
00:22:03Yeah, my condolences
00:22:04You know if she's dating anyone?
00:22:07But seriously
00:22:08Did you know that whoever invented the alphabet made a mistake?
00:22:13No
00:22:14Oh, yeah
00:22:14See, they forgot to put you and I
00:22:18No, excuse me for a second
00:22:19Hey, um, look, I had no idea that you were Laura's ex-boyfriend
00:22:28I mean, those things I said
00:22:30I was just joking with you
00:22:33So, uh, so there's no need to talk to Laura about anything we've discussed
00:22:38I don't want to see Laura get hurt
00:22:41Oh, exactly
00:22:42Uh, you know, nothing that I mentioned was true
00:22:46So, I mean, I was just talking
00:22:48Out of your ass
00:22:49Right
00:22:49Right
00:22:50So, you never screwed a girl over before
00:22:56No
00:22:57Okay, I rarely
00:23:01I admit it all the time
00:23:06But I offer service
00:23:09I mean, if it weren't for the jerks like myself
00:23:12A girl would never be able to appreciate who the princess is
00:23:15Like you
00:23:16Let's just clarify a couple of things, all right
00:23:22First of all, you're a worthless human being
00:23:26True
00:23:28Secondly, you have no soul whatsoever
00:23:31I can live with that
00:23:33Thirdly, if you were to show the asshole you are to Laura
00:23:37Then I'll make sure she hears every disgusting little detail of what you said
00:23:42Okay
00:23:43You've got a deal
00:23:46All of this is just a chemical reaction in the brain
00:24:00And I'm thinking that if we can somehow
00:24:02Fuck you
00:24:04If we can somehow isolate the neuron
00:24:08Something
00:24:09Somethings
00:24:10In the brain
00:24:11We'll be saved
00:24:13Look at all the beautiful chickens, man
00:24:19Your future girlfriend just might be here, I'm telling you, man
00:24:22My future ex-girlfriend
00:24:25Too deep
00:24:27Gun-wrenching
00:24:29Wrenching the gun
00:24:29I'm telling you, man
00:24:34You'll find somebody
00:24:36I'm telling you, you'll find someone
00:24:38All you gotta do is just get your mind off of Janet, man
00:24:41You gotta start over
00:24:42Move on, and let's face it
00:24:45You don't have a choice
00:24:46Cause she dumped your ass
00:24:47A
00:24:50Fuck you
00:24:53B
00:24:54I do
00:24:55I do have a choice
00:24:57I saw this ashram
00:24:59From Nepal
00:25:01On National Geographic last night
00:25:03And all you have to do
00:25:05Is
00:25:05Is you shave your head
00:25:07Oh, God
00:25:08You shave your head
00:25:09And you meditate for 24 hours a day
00:25:12And you eat vegetables
00:25:14And the best part about it
00:25:16Is I am going to be
00:25:1710,000 miles
00:25:20Away from Janet
00:25:21George
00:25:24You're gonna have no hair
00:25:26My hair hasn't helped me in the past
00:25:29June, 12 o'clock
00:25:33Say it ain't so
00:25:34Excuse me while I flee
00:25:37Let's go
00:25:37During the Korean War
00:25:44General MacArthur fought with Eisenhower to cross
00:25:47The 38th parallel into present-day North Korea
00:25:50Unable to come to an agreement
00:25:52The President relieved MacArthur of his command
00:25:55There has been a territorial dispute over the peninsula
00:25:58You know, it just amazes me
00:26:01That General MacArthur
00:26:03Never crossed the 38th parallel into North Korea
00:26:06Because we were this close
00:26:08To victory
00:26:09What are you talking about?
00:26:11I was just watching a documentary
00:26:13On the early part of the Korean War
00:26:15That's interesting
00:26:17Good night
00:26:18Wait, wait, wait a second
00:26:20Was that a really bad
00:26:23Break the ice conversation starter?
00:26:26Honestly, yeah
00:26:27It ranks right up there
00:26:28Um, it's just that whenever
00:26:30Whenever I'm at a party
00:26:32I become this complete idiot
00:26:35You know, unable to hold any kind of conversation
00:26:38Right, when actually you're really a sensitive, caring guy
00:26:41And if a girl just took the time to get to know you
00:26:43She'd find a compassionate, understanding individual
00:26:46Underneath that neurotic shell
00:26:47You're kind of bitter
00:26:49No, just realistic
00:26:52How's that?
00:26:54Most guys are game players
00:26:56They'll do or say anything they can to get you into bed
00:26:59Um, we were dumped recently
00:27:02Everything was going fine until he forgot to mention one little thing
00:27:06What was that?
00:27:08That he was a complete fucking asshole
00:27:10Sorry
00:27:12It's okay
00:27:14Next time I'm just gonna make sure
00:27:16Make a preemptive strike
00:27:18You know
00:27:19Dump them before they can hurt you
00:27:22Yeah
00:27:24That's the plan
00:27:27Be certain to invite any of his crazy ex-girlfriends
00:27:31I repeat that, crazy
00:27:33We're talking institutionally insane
00:27:36The more insane, the better
00:27:38It'll only make you seem like a better catch
00:27:40I hear you broke up with Laura
00:27:42No, we didn't break up
00:27:44We're just kind of taking a breather
00:27:45A breather
00:27:48Oh, that's not what I heard
00:27:50I heard you're a free agent
00:27:53When you break up with someone
00:27:55You don't see them anymore
00:27:57The ex will stop him
00:28:00And won't let him forget about his past mistakes
00:28:02Well, Will, I still care about you
00:28:03She'll probably corner him
00:28:04And make him more miserable than he already is
00:28:06Did you hear him?
00:28:07He'll have to flee before becoming your hostage
00:28:09Later
00:28:09I was just in the neighborhood
00:28:21I thought I'd drop by and beg for forgiveness
00:28:23You've had better ideas
00:28:25When you fall in love
00:28:30And, you know, just when you think
00:28:32That you found your soulmate
00:28:35I'd settle for someone
00:28:37And you'd turn into an ogre
00:28:38After the first date
00:28:39I know exactly what you're talking about
00:28:42I mean
00:28:42First dates are absolutely
00:28:44The worst thing ever invented by mankind
00:28:46I just wish we could somehow
00:28:48You know, skip directly
00:28:50From the first date
00:28:51Right in the date number two
00:28:53You said we
00:28:54Well, yeah, I mean
00:28:57I meant we
00:28:57Like in the collective
00:29:00You know, sense
00:29:02Then you wouldn't want to go out
00:29:04What, on a date?
00:29:07Like you pick me up
00:29:08We go to dinner
00:29:09We see a movie
00:29:11That kind of thing
00:29:12Um, yeah
00:29:13Yes, yes
00:29:15Yeah, that would be really fun
00:29:17Um, I'm sorry
00:29:19It's just that it's been so long
00:29:21I don't even know if I know
00:29:22How to have fun
00:29:23Anymore
00:29:24Um, but I
00:29:25I probably shouldn't be
00:29:28Telling you that
00:29:28It's okay
00:29:30I like losers
00:29:33The bombing run
00:29:38Over the peninsula
00:29:39Proved the success
00:29:40For the North
00:29:41They used the heavy casualties
00:29:43To bring the United States
00:29:44Back to the bargaining table
00:29:45So, you miss me?
00:29:52No
00:29:52Well
00:29:56I don't want to look back
00:29:59In 50 years
00:29:59Feeling that I should have
00:30:00Said something to you tonight
00:30:01And if I let you just walk away
00:30:04Without telling you
00:30:05How I really feel
00:30:06Then I'll always
00:30:06Well, that's
00:30:11That's a nice ring
00:30:13What is it?
00:30:15Like one and a half carats maybe?
00:30:17That's a good choice
00:30:18But that's not an engagement ring
00:30:21I mean
00:30:21It couldn't
00:30:23Because, I mean
00:30:23Who could you possibly
00:30:24Be engaged to?
00:30:26I was gonna tell you
00:30:28Actually
00:30:29We were gonna make
00:30:30The announcement tonight
00:30:31I feel awful
00:30:33Having to tell you
00:30:34About it like this
00:30:35Wow
00:30:37Wow, that's a shocker
00:30:40So, when's the wedding?
00:30:43In the fall
00:30:44Oh
00:30:44Will, now don't do this to yourself
00:30:50I'm sorry
00:30:53No, you know what?
00:30:55That's great
00:30:55Really
00:30:56I think it's great
00:30:58Actually
00:30:58Don't say anything else
00:30:59As a matter of fact
00:31:00I'm happy for you
00:31:02Thank you
00:31:03I am
00:31:03I really am
00:31:04And I think that you guys
00:31:05Are gonna make a great couple
00:31:06And I know why you really like him
00:31:10As a matter of fact
00:31:12I think everybody here should know
00:31:13Excuse me
00:31:16Everyone
00:31:17Can I have your attention
00:31:18For a second, please?
00:31:20Will, what are you doing?
00:31:21Get down from there
00:31:22Shh
00:31:23As everyone knows
00:31:24Laura has dumped me
00:31:26It's true
00:31:27I'm a free agent
00:31:28Will
00:31:28After four years of dating me
00:31:31She feels that it's time to move on
00:31:33So, she's had enough of that struggling student thing
00:31:37And she's moved on to Strobe
00:31:39He's a stockbroker
00:31:41Ready, willing, able
00:31:43And it's not because she loves him
00:31:45No, it's because he can be a good provider
00:31:48I'm not engaged Strobe
00:31:51You're not?
00:31:54Well, then who?
00:31:56Kevin
00:31:56Who's Kevin?
00:31:59My fiancé
00:32:00How?
00:32:02What do you mean, how?
00:32:03What do you mean, what do I mean, how?
00:32:05We only broke up two weeks ago
00:32:07So?
00:32:08So?
00:32:08How do you get to know somebody in two weeks?
00:32:10You guys, don't you think getting to know somebody
00:32:12Is mandatory before taking vows?
00:32:15Well, I don't owe you any explanations
00:32:17This just happened
00:32:19Soon there will be a search for the guilty
00:32:22Be certain to bring along some bandages
00:32:24And topical disinfectant
00:32:25Where's this lover boy?
00:32:29Kevin!
00:32:30Things might get dicey
00:32:34He might flip out and attack his nemesis
00:32:36Your mystery suitor
00:32:37Hi, Kevin
00:32:37Men hate nothing more than being surprised
00:32:40Be careful he doesn't do any permanent damage to his competition
00:32:50A couple of nicks and bruises are par for the course
00:32:53After he's embarrassed himself, don't be angry
00:32:56Be extremely understanding and caring
00:32:59Maintain the high road
00:33:01You want to look like the more mature one in your relationship
00:33:04Don't touch me!
00:33:05Sorry about the touching
00:33:06Hey
00:33:08Hey you guys
00:33:10How many of you think that Laura should get back with me?
00:33:13Huh?
00:33:15Shut up
00:33:16Not you
00:33:17Look
00:33:18This is the woman that I plan to marry
00:33:21At some point in my life
00:33:24I know that I screwed up
00:33:26I know that
00:33:27But you can't hold that against me
00:33:28Come on
00:33:30Raise the hands
00:33:31Come on
00:33:31Come on
00:33:32Get him up
00:33:33Come on
00:33:34Get him up there
00:33:35Regretful
00:33:35He'll now make excuses for his behavior
00:33:37Alright, I know that I just made a complete fool out of Warren myself
00:33:39But that doesn't make me a bad guy
00:33:40Before he exits, he'll want some closure
00:33:42So he'll feel better about it the next day
00:33:44I mean, doesn't it matter that I still love her?
00:33:50Okay
00:33:50I can handle that
00:33:52So I guess everybody here thinks we should break up
00:33:54Just tell me one thing before I go
00:33:57Why did you tell me?
00:34:01Because of things like this
00:34:03Warren
00:34:05Let's just give it one more shot
00:34:08I promise never to be so socially challenged ever again
00:34:11I don't believe you
00:34:13You're unable to have an adult relationship
00:34:16You can't commit
00:34:17You're immature
00:34:18Oh, immature
00:34:18You want immature?
00:34:21Because I can do a great immature
00:34:23Was this in a chapter I didn't read?
00:34:39This definitely was not mentioned
00:34:40Good night, Laura
00:34:48Have a nice life
00:34:51Bye
00:34:53Will
00:34:55Will
00:34:58Will
00:35:01Wake up
00:35:03I cut my hair for you
00:35:08It's nice
00:35:13Oh, thanks
00:35:14How did we get here?
00:35:19Oh, I drove
00:35:20Don't worry
00:35:22I was the designated driver
00:35:23On the road
00:35:25And in the bedroom
00:35:26Oh, God
00:35:28This is not happening
00:35:29Oh, it already did
00:35:30June
00:35:33Yeah?
00:35:34I'm being perfectly honest
00:35:35Did we
00:35:38Did we
00:35:41Oh, God
00:35:44I don't remember anything
00:36:02I think that fifth margarita did it
00:36:05I didn't do anything crazy
00:36:09I mean, nothing too embarrassing
00:36:12Nothing that people won't forget
00:36:13In about a day or two, right?
00:36:14Oh, right
00:36:15Oh, except for the part
00:36:17Where you stripped off all your clothes
00:36:19Declared yourself the king
00:36:20And invited all the female party guests
00:36:21To inspect your personal crown jewels
00:36:23I don't think
00:36:25You were obviously exaggerating my serious screw-up
00:36:31You know what?
00:36:33I really gotta get going here
00:36:34Because I have a final tomorrow
00:36:35A final?
00:36:37This has nothing to do with the final
00:36:39You're running off to see Laura
00:36:41No, no
00:36:42Yeah?
00:36:43Begging her for forgiveness
00:36:44But you know what, Will?
00:36:46Get some self-respect
00:36:47You don't forget about Laura
00:36:57She's engaged
00:36:58Yeah, I really think that
00:37:00It's just the stage she's going through
00:37:01I do
00:37:01Move on with me
00:37:04All right, all right
00:37:05June, I really don't think that's a good idea
00:37:08I think you're so good together
00:37:09June, June, June, this was a mistake
00:37:12What was a mistake?
00:37:14This
00:37:14Look, just tell me one thing
00:37:17Did we, uh, did we really sleep together?
00:37:23Technically, no
00:37:24Technically?
00:37:27I mean, in my imagination
00:37:29We had sex and it was great
00:37:32Okay, but in the, uh, the actual physical world
00:37:37It never really happened, right?
00:37:42All right
00:37:43Yeah, just
00:37:46That was a first-rate disaster
00:38:02What are you talking about?
00:38:04I thought it went over really well
00:38:06You're only saying that because you met somebody
00:38:08I mean, don't get me wrong
00:38:10I love George
00:38:11But did it have to be Will's best friend?
00:38:13I've met him before
00:38:14He just looked really cute last night
00:38:17Besides, we're only going out on one date
00:38:19And I'm sure it'll be a disaster
00:38:20So there's nothing to worry about
00:38:21Oh, come on
00:38:24You were brilliant last night
00:38:26So there was a little screw-up
00:38:29It's no big deal
00:38:30All you have to do is call him
00:38:32And let him know that you and Kevin broke it off
00:38:34And you're now available
00:38:35I don't think that's going to work
00:38:37We could let him find out through the grapevine
00:38:41No, I mean planning this whole sting operation
00:38:44I just feel really horrible motivating Will
00:38:47To do something he just doesn't want
00:38:49Men don't know what they want
00:38:51Until we let them know what they want
00:38:53But he slept with his ex
00:38:55So what?
00:38:55He thinks you're engaged
00:38:56That's the only reason he did it
00:38:58Was to make you jealous
00:38:59Which he succeeded in doing
00:39:01If you want Will to propose
00:39:05You're going to have to play relationship hardball
00:39:07Oh, so the law?
00:39:09You know, as of this moment
00:39:10I am not going to let some book tell me how I should feel
00:39:12I'm going to move on with my life
00:39:14And just forget about Will
00:39:16Forget about Will
00:39:18Just the other day
00:39:20You told me
00:39:21That you couldn't live with the jerk
00:39:23And as far as jerks go
00:39:25Will is the king
00:39:26But you love this jerk
00:39:29I hate to be the one to tell you this
00:39:33Because I don't want my best friend to be miserable
00:39:34But you're going to be more miserable without him
00:39:37I don't understand
00:39:39I thought you hated Will
00:39:41I thought you wanted me to dump him
00:39:43Well, I'm not happy because you're not happy
00:39:46You're a wreck without him
00:39:47But I'm a wreck with him
00:39:49You love the guy
00:39:51You're in denial if you say anything else
00:39:54Well, it's pretty good
00:40:02But we've got a crack here
00:40:03And a fuel on you
00:40:03I see that
00:40:04I see that
00:40:05I think we can fix that
00:40:06Yeah, but we've got a leak from it
00:40:08We can do that
00:40:10It shouldn't take too long
00:40:11Hey
00:40:13Hi
00:40:22Uh, Laura
00:40:23What, um
00:40:25How have you been?
00:40:28Fine
00:40:28Hey, Will
00:40:31Hi
00:40:33Before our show next week in Pomona
00:40:37I'd really like to get that interior finish off
00:40:39What do you think of a red and white two-tone?
00:40:42Was that factory in 66?
00:40:44No
00:40:44But it should have been
00:40:45Um, I think I left my Phillips head inside
00:40:53I got one right here
00:40:55Yeah, but I got a better one
00:40:57Inside
00:40:58Uh, I-I-I just came to talk to you
00:41:07In a civil way
00:41:09Oh, you're it, sweetie
00:41:11Oh, what the f-
00:41:19Oh, so?
00:41:32So, we talked
00:41:35I got it, Dad
00:41:36Uh, how'd it go?
00:41:39I mean, what was the status?
00:41:40You guys came back together?
00:41:41We broke up
00:41:41Well, look, I've heard that before
00:41:44I wouldn't worry about it
00:41:45It's not gonna happen again
00:41:46Because this was it
00:41:48I thought I loved her
00:41:50I loved somebody who I thought Laura was
00:41:53Well, give or take a day
00:41:54Your story's gonna be different
00:41:55You know, you're gonna be telling me
00:41:57How much you miss her again
00:41:58Okay, you know what?
00:41:59I'll miss her
00:42:00But, uh
00:42:02I'm not missing her
00:42:04We are not compatible
00:42:08Okay?
00:42:11We just have different agendas
00:42:12That's all
00:42:13Agendas?
00:42:14Agendas, that's how you describe your relationship
00:42:16Agendas
00:42:17Yes
00:42:19We are two different people
00:42:21We want two different things out of life
00:42:23You know what I'm saying?
00:42:23Agendas, yeah
00:42:24Did you see the way she looked at you?
00:42:29I'm jealous
00:42:29Do you know what I would give
00:42:32To have someone
00:42:33Look at me the way she was looking at you
00:42:35To have someone care about me
00:42:37The way she cares about you
00:42:39You want her number then?
00:42:41Do you?
00:42:42Because you're pissing me off
00:42:44Hi
00:43:02Hi
00:43:02You look great
00:43:08So do you
00:43:11So where's lunch?
00:43:18I don't know
00:43:19I was thinking
00:43:21Sushi
00:43:22Sushi's great
00:43:24Okay
00:43:25Great
00:43:28Great
00:43:30I had a great time
00:43:44I did too
00:43:45You really did?
00:43:47Actually
00:43:47No
00:43:48I hate sushi
00:43:50I do too
00:43:52I was just trying to impress you
00:43:54Next time we go out
00:43:56No raw fish
00:43:57Agreed
00:43:58Absolutely
00:43:59No more sushi
00:44:00Wait
00:44:02Wait
00:44:02So that means
00:44:03That there's going to be a second date?
00:44:05Why not?
00:44:07Well
00:44:07Actually
00:44:08I thought that you were having
00:44:09A miserable time
00:44:10And that you're probably
00:44:11Never going to turn
00:44:11Any of my phone calls
00:44:12To
00:44:12Now that we're over
00:44:16On the first date
00:44:17B.S.
00:44:19Let's just be
00:44:20Totally honest with each other
00:44:21Okay
00:44:22I agree
00:44:23It's like
00:44:24On a first date
00:44:25No one says
00:44:26What they're really thinking
00:44:27You know
00:44:27It's like
00:44:27You need subtitles
00:44:28Or something
00:44:29To know what's
00:44:29On everybody's mind
00:44:30What are you thinking?
00:44:36Um
00:44:36Well
00:44:37I was thinking about
00:44:39Maybe
00:44:39A good make out session
00:44:42Don't you think
00:44:43That's a little premature?
00:44:46Yeah
00:44:47Yeah I do
00:44:48You're right
00:44:48It's a little premature
00:44:49I mean
00:44:49We should really get
00:44:50To know each other
00:44:51First
00:44:51So we respect each other
00:44:53I agree
00:44:54I agree
00:44:54100%
00:44:56You were
00:44:56On the money
00:44:58Good night
00:45:00Good night
00:45:01What about being friends first?
00:45:18I'm telling you man
00:45:29She's gonna give you a call
00:45:30Yeah
00:45:31You're just happy
00:45:31Because your dry spell is over
00:45:33That's the thing man
00:45:35Life is just so unpredictable
00:45:37That's the great thing about it
00:45:39I thought I was never
00:45:41Ever
00:45:42Gonna find anybody again
00:45:43And then from out of nowhere
00:45:45Who's Heather?
00:45:52Remember
00:45:52When you were the guy
00:45:54With this happy
00:45:54Healthy relationship
00:45:55And I was Mr. Lonely guy
00:45:57And now we've
00:45:58Completely switched positions
00:46:00I'm the happy guy
00:46:01I really
00:46:03Really
00:46:03Finally
00:46:04Like being happy
00:46:05This life's weird
00:46:07That's all
00:46:08Yeah
00:46:08Thanks George
00:46:09I think I'll go kill myself now
00:46:11I'm sorry
00:46:16I didn't mean to make you feel worse
00:46:17More Georgian logic
00:46:19Mr. Wisdom
00:46:20What I'm trying to say
00:46:24Is that
00:46:25Anything
00:46:26Can happen
00:46:27You know
00:46:28Just when you least expect it
00:46:30Or I can give you a call
00:46:32And say
00:46:33Hey baby
00:46:34I missed you
00:46:36And I missed you little thing
00:46:38And missed you little ass
00:46:40And
00:46:41I missed that little
00:46:42Thing you do with your hips
00:46:43Just like that
00:46:45And want you back
00:46:46You think so?
00:46:50Honestly
00:46:50No
00:46:51I'm just trying to make
00:46:54Your awful
00:46:55Dismal predicament
00:46:56Seem slightly more livable
00:46:58Let me ask you a question
00:47:00Sure
00:47:01Did Heather say anything about
00:47:02Lorna's getting back together again?
00:47:04Oh
00:47:05Yeah
00:47:06What?
00:47:09What?
00:47:09Tell me
00:47:10Look I can't
00:47:12Okay?
00:47:12I'm sorry
00:47:13I promise
00:47:13Oh come on
00:47:14I'm your best friend George
00:47:15Who do you have your allegiance to?
00:47:20George
00:47:20Okay
00:47:23All right
00:47:24I'll tell you
00:47:25But what I'm about to tell you
00:47:27Could get me killed
00:47:28Okay?
00:47:28So you did not hear it from me
00:47:30But
00:47:30You have to promise me something Matt
00:47:33You have to promise me
00:47:34That you're not gonna get upset
00:47:36And you're not gonna do anything stupid
00:47:38And you're not gonna do anything insane
00:47:39Okay?
00:47:41Look I'm not gonna tell you
00:47:42If you don't promise okay?
00:47:43I don't need to tell you
00:47:44Okay
00:47:47I promise
00:47:50I cannot believe that you faked an engagement
00:47:53Just to make me jealous
00:47:54Talk about stooping to a new low
00:47:55No Will
00:47:56I think you stoop lower
00:47:57What about June?
00:47:59What about June?
00:48:00June happens to be a kind
00:48:01Sweet
00:48:01Giving
00:48:02Crazy
00:48:03Everybody has their weak points
00:48:04You slept with her
00:48:05You know what?
00:48:06I really don't think that's any of your business
00:48:07That kind of privileged information
00:48:09Is for girlfriends
00:48:09And you no longer qualify
00:48:11So you did
00:48:12Well
00:48:13Hold on
00:48:14No Will
00:48:14Don't put me on hold
00:48:15What are you doing?
00:48:16Revenge
00:48:17It feels good
00:48:18No you see
00:48:18You don't want to be taking revenge okay?
00:48:21Would you please just try and make up with her
00:48:22And tell her you didn't sleep with June
00:48:24I know what I'm doing
00:48:25I cannot believe that I even considered marrying you
00:48:29To think that I would put up with this bullshit
00:48:30For the rest of my life
00:48:31You know what?
00:48:32You saved me 50 years of torture lady
00:48:34No
00:48:34You saved me 50 years of torture
00:48:36Strike that
00:48:37Two years
00:48:38It would have ended in divorce
00:48:39I should have listened to my mom
00:48:41Will's a smart boy
00:48:42But if I could pick anybody for you
00:48:44It'd be Brett Favre
00:48:47Okay
00:48:48That's great
00:48:49Tell you what
00:48:50Have a great life
00:48:51Do me a favor
00:48:52Loosen my number
00:48:52All right?
00:48:54Whore
00:48:54Beautiful
00:48:59Will that was great
00:49:00You managed to do exactly everything I told you not to do
00:49:03I held my stand and I was tough
00:49:05Yes
00:49:06Yes you are
00:49:07Quite tough
00:49:07But you remember we were going for the sympathy
00:49:09And the compassion
00:49:10And the kindness angle
00:49:11Remember
00:49:12Laura was going to see what a great guy you are
00:49:14And want to take you back
00:49:15Does that ring a bell anywhere?
00:49:19Maybe I should call her back
00:49:20You're a glutton for punishment
00:49:22Oh come on
00:49:24She'll listen
00:49:24Yeah
00:49:25guitar solo
00:49:28And the
00:49:38Okay, look, I'll be the first to admit it.
00:50:06I screwed up. Would you come on and please just talk to me?
00:50:10I trusted you.
00:50:11And I screwed up, okay? I just thought that...
00:50:15You obviously didn't think very much about us.
00:50:18You cannot, you cannot break up with me over this.
00:50:21Call it whatever you want.
00:50:23I only told Will because I thought that it would help the two of them get back together.
00:50:26I mean, if Will knew how much that Laura loved him, he wouldn't just walk away.
00:50:32If she was willing to go through all this ridiculous stuff just to get him back...
00:50:36That has nothing to do with it, okay?
00:50:39You told me.
00:50:41You promised me that you wouldn't say anything to anyone.
00:50:45I know. I know, but you should have seen him.
00:50:48I mean, talk about a deep depression.
00:50:50You just needed to know that she still cared about him.
00:50:53Something to keep him going.
00:50:55What's wrong with that?
00:50:56I know a guy for three weeks.
00:50:59And I trust him.
00:51:00And what does he do?
00:51:03Screw me.
00:51:04I'm sorry!
00:51:05No, I am.
00:51:06It's my fault for trusting you.
00:51:09Greg, I wish it didn't happen.
00:51:11Okay? But he's my buddy and I care about him.
00:51:13And I know that he would have done the same thing for me.
00:51:15And I love you and I don't want any of this to...
00:51:17What?
00:51:19What? That I love you?
00:51:21Yeah, I love you.
00:51:23You've only known me for a few weeks.
00:51:25Okay. What happened?
00:51:27You make it seem like it's a crime or something.
00:51:32You know, you're just saying that so that I won't break up with you.
00:51:35No. No, that's just the way that I feel.
00:51:38Listen to me, Heather.
00:51:40Maybe other guys would BS you, but I'm not.
00:51:43I am completely in love with you.
00:51:47And you expect me just to forgive you?
00:51:51Yes.
00:51:52But you can hold a grudge if you like.
00:51:55Don't give me that look.
00:52:01Call me.
00:52:04Am I forgiven?
00:52:07You're on probation.
00:52:08Stop it.
00:52:30Stop it.
00:52:34Stop it.
00:52:34Give yourself the perfect Christmas gift.
00:52:39You're one and only.
00:52:41The law is guaranteed to bring you closer to your goal and his worst fear, marriage.
00:52:47So get your copy now.
00:52:49The law.
00:52:50Your guide on the road to engagement.
00:52:52Get your copy now.
00:52:53Just call 1-800-POPOSE.
00:52:54Oh, good morning, Will.
00:53:02Oh, good morning.
00:53:04You mind not being quite so cheerful?
00:53:08I like the old George.
00:53:09Remember?
00:53:10Miserable, cynical, depressed.
00:53:12What if I called up your ass?
00:53:13You.
00:53:15You're my problem.
00:53:16You know, I used to actually be able to have a conversation with my old pal without his live-in girlfriend pissing me off all the time.
00:53:23Come on, Will.
00:53:24What's the matter?
00:53:25I really wonder, George.
00:53:27I mean, you know the girl that I love dumped me?
00:53:29And I'm just incredibly jealous that you guys are so happy.
00:53:31Call me selfish, but I want a little company in my misery.
00:53:34Why don't you just pick yourself up and get over it?
00:53:37You know, I have to tell you, you give great migraines.
00:53:41But actually, I don't have to get over it.
00:53:43As a matter of fact, I'm going to go over there and work it out with Laura.
00:53:46I'm going to go over there right now.
00:53:48I'm going to tell her how I feel.
00:53:49And I'm going to whisper a very, very merry, happy ho-ho Christmas.
00:53:53No, Will, you can't wait.
00:53:54There's something I have to tell you.
00:53:55I'm not listening.
00:53:55I can't hear you.
00:53:56And you cannot say anything that's going to change my mind.
00:54:08Hi, I'm Betty, the realtor at your service.
00:54:10Uh, I'm looking for something that I can relax in, take my mind off work.
00:54:17Oh, then you'll really appreciate the beauty and serenity of this lovely canyon retreat.
00:54:22The owners are selling it and retiring to Phoenix.
00:54:26Was there, uh, somebody house-sitting here before?
00:54:30Oh, um, not that I know about.
00:54:33So, do you have any questions?
00:54:36Why couldn't I make it work with Laura?
00:54:37Because you were afraid of making a commitment.
00:54:42It's one of a kind.
00:54:43Come on, I'll show you around.
00:54:47You might remember Laura's bedroom.
00:54:49Snuck in through the back window, you did.
00:54:51And then made love into the wee hours of the morning.
00:54:54Mmm, l'amour.
00:54:55This is the tub where you decided to spend the rest of your life with Laura.
00:55:03Ooh, those bubbles.
00:55:06Ooh.
00:55:08And when Laura's folks went away on their second honeymoon, you both had the house to yourselves
00:55:12and celebrated passing your second-year law school finals right here.
00:55:17Isn't it wonderful?
00:55:24How does it feel?
00:55:26Very familiar.
00:55:29Well, goodbye.
00:55:31Merry Christmas.
00:55:38Here I am.
00:55:40I'm searching for some kind of salvation.
00:55:42I'm trying to get you off my mind.
00:55:44And it's not working.
00:55:47I wish somehow I could tell you how I feel.
00:55:51I mean, I know we both made a lot of mistakes, and to think about losing you, it makes me miss
00:55:55you even more.
00:55:58I feel like there's no hope we'll ever get back together.
00:56:01I don't know, maybe that could be for the best, but it's...
00:56:04It's hard to believe that two people that love each other so much could be separated.
00:56:11I hate you and I love you at the same time.
00:56:14By losing you, I almost feel like I've lost part of myself.
00:56:18And, you know, I've always hated writing love letters, because maybe I had nothing to say.
00:56:25And maybe it does take losing everything to know what you have.
00:56:29I mean, I don't think you really know until you do.
00:56:31You weren't just a girlfriend.
00:56:35You were my best friend.
00:56:38And every time I think of calling, something holds me back.
00:56:41It's not because I don't want to talk to you.
00:56:43Believe me, I want that more than anything else.
00:56:45I'm...
00:56:45I don't know, I'm just afraid of what you might say.
00:56:50Laura, I miss you.
00:56:52And I hope one day we can talk.
00:56:56And I'm not going to send this letter, because I don't think you want to talk to me.
00:56:59But...
00:57:01I want you to always know that I love you.
00:57:10No, I'm really worried about Will.
00:57:13He just can't seem to get over Laura.
00:57:16She's got this new place and everything, and she won't ever even give him a call.
00:57:20I don't care.
00:57:24What are you doing?
00:57:25What are you doing?
00:57:28It's not working.
00:57:29What?
00:57:30What's not working?
00:57:31Us.
00:57:33Us?
00:57:33Wait, slow down.
00:57:35Just for one minute, okay?
00:57:36I'm a little confused here.
00:57:37Look, this morning we had a great, perfect relationship.
00:57:40And now you're moving out.
00:57:42It's not that simple.
00:57:45Then just stop for a second and explain it to me!
00:57:47There's no point.
00:57:48Oh, no, no.
00:57:49I think that there is a point.
00:57:51Because I care about you.
00:57:53And I thought that you cared about me.
00:57:55I do.
00:57:56But...
00:57:57But what?
00:57:59You're dumping me for somebody else.
00:58:01You met somebody.
00:58:03No, there's nobody else.
00:58:05I just want to be single.
00:58:07Why?
00:58:09Does there have to be a reason for everything?
00:58:12Yes!
00:58:12Yes!
00:58:13Yes!
00:58:14This is important!
00:58:15Yes!
00:58:15There has to be a reason!
00:58:16I'm sorry.
00:58:17I don't have a reason for you.
00:58:20Wait!
00:58:21Wait!
00:58:22Wait!
00:58:23Wait!
00:58:23Wait!
00:58:23Please!
00:58:24Please!
00:58:24Wait!
00:58:25Look!
00:58:26I have an idea.
00:58:27Just hear me out and then you can dump me.
00:58:29I'm sorry.
00:58:31Hold on!
00:58:32Please!
00:58:33Please!
00:58:35We can...
00:58:36We can go back inside.
00:58:38And we can make some breakfast.
00:58:41And we can pretend that none of this ever happened.
00:58:44Does that sound like a plan?
00:58:45Heather, whatever it is, I'm sorry.
00:58:51Heather, can we please just talk about this?
00:58:54Please!
00:58:55Please!
00:58:56I'm sorry!
00:59:01Damn it!
00:59:10Happy New Year, man.
00:59:12Happy New Year.
00:59:12You know, I was thinking, Will, you add one little simple ingredient like walnuts and
00:59:32you completely alter the consistency of the chocolate and the brownie.
00:59:35You know, the smooth, creamy taste becomes crunchy, less digestible.
00:59:40And when you think about it, it's actually a very minute change from the original recipe.
00:59:45Yet it's just amazing how the brownie is transformed in almost this entirely brand-new dessert.
00:59:53You know, it's almost as different as a chocolate chip cookie is from a lemon wedge.
00:59:57Or a sugar cookie.
01:00:01What the fuck are you talking about?
01:00:03Well, I guess I've come with a startling realization that I prefer the brownies without the walnuts.
01:00:12Scaring me.
01:00:15Man, you know what?
01:00:18We just have to accept the fact that we've been dumped.
01:00:20We never leave this house.
01:00:22I leave all the time.
01:00:23When?
01:00:25When do you leave the house?
01:00:26You're the only one I know who rearranges his schedule around Baywatch reruns.
01:00:30Yeah, well, that's the best action I'm going to get in a long time.
01:00:32Watching Baywatch.
01:00:33And that is quality television, Will.
01:00:36Potato guy says cable junkie is sick.
01:00:39Something wrong there.
01:00:42I'll tell you what.
01:00:43Why don't you go out tonight?
01:00:46Come on, man.
01:00:46Let's go.
01:00:47Let's cruise the bars.
01:00:48What do you say?
01:00:49Um, I can't.
01:00:50Um, TNT's having its John Wayne marathon tonight, and I love John Wayne.
01:00:55All right, Wednesday.
01:00:56Well, that's the, uh, History Channel.
01:00:58It's the season opener of the Civil War series.
01:01:01I love the Civil War.
01:01:03Thursday.
01:01:05Weather Channel.
01:01:06Stormwatch.
01:01:07What's Friday going to be?
01:01:09The Cooking Channel's gourmet dessert gala?
01:01:11No, shithead.
01:01:12It's Nick at night.
01:01:14The Mary Tyler Moore marathon.
01:01:16You're sick.
01:01:17Oh, really?
01:01:18Fuck this.
01:01:18I'm leaving.
01:01:19I'm going.
01:01:20Hey, madam, just to get it like this side.
01:01:23I didn't know you had a good side.
01:01:24All I see is one beautiful, loving person.
01:01:26Peter, so thank you, sir.
01:01:28It's very sweet.
01:01:29Well, I'm not talking about you.
01:01:32We're talking tonight.
01:01:34We were doomed.
01:01:35So this is what Friday nights were going to look like for the rest of my life?
01:01:39Yeah.
01:01:40This is going to be a fun-filled 60 years.
01:01:42So did Hannah call.
01:01:48No.
01:01:49What?
01:01:50I said no.
01:01:51Did Laura dump strobe yet?
01:01:54No.
01:01:56The house was just great.
01:01:58Okay.
01:02:00I thought about getting up five minutes ago.
01:02:03What about you?
01:02:03I've been thinking about it.
01:02:07I got a fart.
01:02:09Why can't I be as cool as David Hasselhoff?
01:02:13He's got good hair.
01:02:15He's got the best hair.
01:02:18David Hasselhoff will always get the girl.
01:02:21We got nothing.
01:02:21We got Mr. Potato Head.
01:02:23A human being can only endorse so many hours of CNN live news coverage.
01:02:28I had to escape.
01:02:29And I knew where I could find companionship quickly.
01:02:31Hey.
01:02:38Oh, wow.
01:02:39Well, what a surprise.
01:02:42Uh, would you like to come in?
01:02:45No.
01:02:46No, no.
01:02:47Looks like you're kind of busy, so...
01:02:48Oh, nah.
01:02:49Are you sure?
01:02:49Well, yeah, sure.
01:02:54Why not?
01:02:55I just asked to be polite.
01:02:57That's when you're supposed to politely decline the offer.
01:02:59Sorry.
01:03:01Aw, thanks for the flowers.
01:03:03No problem.
01:03:05Oh, one more thing, Will.
01:03:06Just remember, for every year that you date someone,
01:03:09that's one month per year until you get over the breakup.
01:03:11This was supposed to be good ego food,
01:03:20and June was supposed to take me back.
01:03:22Guess not.
01:03:23When you break up, everyone will tell you.
01:03:26Play the field.
01:03:27We need somebody new.
01:03:29Hope you get a date.
01:03:31Yeah, right.
01:03:41Will!
01:03:42Will, Will, hi.
01:03:43How'd it go?
01:03:44Not so great.
01:03:46Don't worry about it, man.
01:03:48Girlfriends are meaningless to our lives.
01:03:51What's all this?
01:03:52I'm just doing a little spring cleaning around the house.
01:03:54That's all.
01:03:55I got pretty much the whole thing.
01:03:56I still have just a little bit left to do on the roof.
01:03:59There's absolutely no reason why I should let some go-nowhere relationship get me down.
01:04:03No way.
01:04:04Life goes on, you know?
01:04:07Oh, I almost forgot to tell you.
01:04:09I got something to show you.
01:04:10What?
01:04:11Come on, come on.
01:04:11You're going to love this.
01:04:12You're going to love this.
01:04:13Come on, baby.
01:04:14Here it is.
01:04:16To hold our dream.
01:04:19Gene W.
01:04:19Classic automotive restoration.
01:04:22Well, that's nice.
01:04:25You did this all this afternoon.
01:04:27Well, yeah.
01:04:28I mean, it's a little rough, but it'll give you the basic idea of what I'm going for here.
01:04:32We're going to have these two rotating displays that they're going to show the hot car of the week, you know?
01:04:38Like one week we'll have this cobra, next week we can have a Porsche Roadster.
01:04:42What's the matter?
01:04:43Well, come on, get a little excited.
01:04:45Oh, yeah.
01:04:46This is it.
01:04:47I am telling you.
01:04:47We're going to be so huge right here.
01:04:51Okay, look.
01:04:52From now on, in our lives, in our lives, we're going to focus only, only on the positive.
01:05:00Okay?
01:05:02Repeat after me.
01:05:04Focus on the positive.
01:05:06Now, come on, man.
01:05:07Say it with me.
01:05:08Let's focus on the positive.
01:05:10Say it.
01:05:12Focus on the positive.
01:05:13Yes!
01:05:14Yes, say it again.
01:05:15Focus on the positive.
01:05:16Focus on the positive.
01:05:17Yes, focus on the positive.
01:05:18Focus on the positive.
01:05:19Focus on the positive.
01:05:20Okay.
01:05:21Focus.
01:05:21We're going to focus on that positive.
01:05:23We're going to focus on the positive.
01:05:25Oh, yeah.
01:05:26Focus on the positive.
01:05:27Yes, say it with me.
01:05:28Focus on the positive.
01:05:29Focus on the positive.
01:05:30Focus on the positive!
01:05:31Focus on the positive!
01:05:32Focus on the positive!
01:05:34Focus on the positive!
01:05:36Focus on the positive!
01:05:37No matter how insane George was, he was right about one thing.
01:05:41We had to focus on the positive.
01:05:43And law school wasn't part of it.
01:06:00George!
01:06:07I did it!
01:06:08I'm a free man!
01:06:10Hey, George!
01:06:11George, man, I did it!
01:06:13George!
01:06:14Hey, George!
01:06:15Where are you, man?
01:06:16Focus on the positive!
01:06:17Hello?
01:06:18Hello, George!
01:06:19Hey!
01:06:22George!
01:06:24What the hell are you doing?
01:06:26Trying to kill me?
01:06:27Yeah, I was going to ask you that!
01:06:28I was just practicing, all right?
01:06:30In case I decide to do it.
01:06:32What about focusing on the positive?
01:06:34Fuck the positive!
01:06:35Let's face it, man.
01:06:37Life is fucking meaningless without companionship.
01:06:40No!
01:06:40No!
01:06:41You were right!
01:06:42We don't need girlfriends!
01:06:43George, they're holding us back.
01:06:45Anything that is not a positive force in our lives should be discarded.
01:06:48That's why I quit law school!
01:06:50What?
01:06:52What are your parents going to say?
01:06:54They'll take it in stride.
01:06:56We didn't raise you not to be a lawyer.
01:06:59You ingrate!
01:07:01You cut off!
01:07:01That's it!
01:07:02Not one more penny.
01:07:03They're going back in the fall.
01:07:06You want to get something to eat?
01:07:08Falafel?
01:07:09Yeah, that'd be good.
01:07:15Do you think you could introduce me to your neighbor?
01:07:20The cute guy next door.
01:07:21Yes.
01:07:23He actually seems really sweet.
01:07:27Taylor, um, George was really sweet and he was cute.
01:07:33You're just going to dump my neighbor and then he'll hate me.
01:07:35Forget it.
01:07:35I can't do that.
01:07:37Why would I dump your neighbor if he was really nice?
01:07:39Because you seem not to like nice or sweet guys.
01:07:43George sits around and watches television all day.
01:07:46George is a loser.
01:07:47Yeah, but that loser made you happy.
01:07:51I've never seen you that happy.
01:07:53Just, forget it.
01:07:56Are you done with those peppers?
01:07:58Yeah.
01:08:05So, I've been meaning to ask you something.
01:08:08Do you recommend installing dual quad carbs on a 66 Mustang?
01:08:11Um, yes.
01:08:16Yes, I do.
01:08:17If, um, you want more torque, RPM, and off-the-line acceleration.
01:08:22Is this your way of apologizing for leaving me in a state of suicidal confusion?
01:08:27No.
01:08:28It's just a...
01:08:29I haven't seen you in two months break the ice conversation starter.
01:08:35Thanks anyway.
01:08:36I am sorry.
01:08:38Forgive me?
01:08:44No.
01:08:46No?
01:08:46No.
01:08:47No.
01:08:48If I take you back now, everyone's going to say that I am spineless, whipped, and completely desperate,
01:08:54which I am not.
01:08:55Any of those things.
01:08:57And most importantly, Heather, I wouldn't have any self-respect.
01:09:03I see your point.
01:09:04Wait!
01:09:09Wait!
01:09:09Wait, hold on.
01:09:10Hold on, please.
01:09:12Look, I don't understand.
01:09:13Isn't this the part where you're supposed to beg me to take you back, you know?
01:09:18And kiss me?
01:09:19And tell me how much you love me?
01:09:21Well, I thought about it.
01:09:23But what?
01:09:24But it seemed to expect it.
01:09:27You see?
01:09:28That's okay.
01:09:29There's nothing wrong with a little expected, you know?
01:09:33Look, you're supposed to be crying and completely crazed, and that's the woman I was going to take you.
01:09:40This is definitely going to screw up my plans to mope for the next six months.
01:10:02We'll have one night.
01:10:03So he took me out in one of the old cars, and we went to dinner.
01:10:12It was great.
01:10:15I'm single and alone.
01:10:17You could be with Will if you wanted to.
01:10:21He's a jerk, and he won't commit to me.
01:10:26Do you really need a ring to prove that he loves you?
01:10:29I thought that's what the whole point was.
01:10:31I thought the point was that you wanted to be with him forever.
01:10:35I know you love him, and if you don't act now, you're going to lose him.
01:10:49Hello.
01:10:50Hi.
01:10:51Came in the middle for you.
01:10:53Which is gracious.
01:10:55Watch.
01:10:57You're welcome.
01:10:57What is this?
01:11:10Oh, stop it.
01:11:11No.
01:11:12Oh, come on.
01:11:13You cannot expect me to fall for this again.
01:11:15No.
01:11:16Not a second.
01:11:16Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
01:11:17Was it Kevin first time?
01:11:19Now Fritz?
01:11:20See?
01:11:21I don't think so.
01:11:21You got me.
01:11:22What can I say?
01:11:24Look, Heather and I just tried to think of some way to get you guys together, and this
01:11:27was the best thing we could come up with.
01:11:29Very clever.
01:11:30Hey, I tried, right?
01:11:32What do you expect me to do?
01:11:33See, this guy's freaking out.
01:11:35Run down, try to stop the wedding, making a complete idiot of myself.
01:11:38That was the general idea, yes.
01:11:40That's cruel.
01:11:41It really is.
01:11:42I mean, I appreciate the attempt, but kiss my ass.
01:11:44You know, I really got handed to you, though.
01:11:48You did a fantastic job here.
01:11:50I mean, you got a really nice print, very sexy paper.
01:11:54You got the good paper here.
01:11:56I mean, this really could almost be a real wedding invitation.
01:11:59You got the, uh, there's a specific date and the time and the place there.
01:12:04That's nice.
01:12:05It's all in the details.
01:12:08You just made one mistake, though.
01:12:09What?
01:12:10The Fritz.
01:12:12Laura would never marry a guy named Fritz.
01:12:13No one marries a Fritz.
01:12:16And besides, you know, she still misses me.
01:12:18You're absolutely right.
01:12:19I know I'm right.
01:12:21I cannot believe that you thought that I was going to pull like a, a graduate.
01:12:27No.
01:12:27And besides, if Laura wants to marry Fritz, you know, then I, I've got, I've got no problem with that.
01:12:32I'm not going to try to stop her.
01:12:34Don't.
01:12:35I'm not.
01:12:36Don't go.
01:12:37I'm not going.
01:12:43I'm not.
01:13:01I'm not.