Buffy The Vampire Slayer Season 5 Episode 3 The Replacement
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00:00No one has an older sister who's a slayer.
00:03I know it's always been this way.
00:06She's the baby.
00:08But for some reason lately, it's just really getting to me.
00:13Well, yeah, you're like her idol, Buffy.
00:16What do you think you're doing?
00:18Leave me alone.
00:20I will, and I'll let you come back inside the house.
00:23Let go of me.
00:24No, it's not safe out there.
00:30Anya!
00:36This side one looks bad.
00:38We better get her to a hospital.
00:43I wish I had something food-like to offer you guys,
00:45but the hot plate's out of commission.
00:48We think the cat peed on it.
00:53I do a spaghetti, yes.
00:54Set them on top of the dryer,
00:56and you're a fluff cycle away from lukewarm goodness.
00:58I, uh, have drier food for lunch.
01:04Huh.
01:05Guess the folks are back.
01:10No, no.
01:11I was wrong.
01:12Just incompetent burglars.
01:14Like, like, I'm gonna listen to your friends on over.
01:18Ah!
01:19Get your pigs!
01:22Boy, I'm higher than me.
01:24Yeah, that's great.
01:25Yeah, maybe it's definitely time to start looking for a new place.
01:28Something a little nicer.
01:30Buffy, you've been to hell.
01:32They had one bedrooms, right?
01:33Yes.
01:36Hey, Buffy, how's that book?
01:38Full of zippy dates and zesty names?
01:41I'm fine.
01:44Hey, I'm enjoying the study.
01:50Who are you lately?
01:52Give it up and watch the movie.
01:54I guess it has been a long day with the crusades.
01:57I could take a little break from the violence for some...
02:00Oh, fighting.
02:01If you really want, we can fight you as well.
02:10Incompetently dubbed Kung Fu.
02:11Our most valuable Chinese import.
02:15Much more durable than their hot plates.
02:18Here.
02:20Just relax.
02:21That feels good.
02:33Ow!
02:34What are you doing?
02:37I have a dislocated shoulder.
02:39Trying to concentrate on the kicking movie.
02:42Hey.
02:43Rumming went away.
02:46Oh.
02:47Sorry, I...
02:48I caught up in the action.
02:50Yeah.
02:51That was pretty good.
02:52Yeah!
02:53Oh!
02:53Oh!
02:55Oh, give me a break!
02:58This is all wrong.
02:59See?
02:59First, you would get the big guy.
03:01Like a flying kick.
03:02Then you would take it off the little ones.
03:03Bam, bam.
03:05See?
03:05Now with the flying kick.
03:07From a dead stop.
03:08What's powering it?
03:10Raw enthusiasm?
03:10Hey, buff.
03:11Maybe you ought to leave the work behind sometimes.
03:14You're not always in slayer duty, you know?
03:17It would drive you crazy if we were watching an army movie and they were all saluting backwards
03:24and invading all willy-nilly.
03:36Anyway, I mean, you know, you can't blame me for being critical.
03:41Willow's the same way when we watch a movie about witches, right, Sander?
03:44What?
03:46Oh, yeah.
03:47She's all like, what's that?
03:49A cauldron?
03:51Who uses a cauldron anymore?
03:53The last step of my forging is my pain.
04:01The price with which I purchase the death of the Slayer.
04:05Oh, yeah.
04:06Who uses a cauldron.
04:16Oh, yeah.
04:19Oh, yeah.
04:20Oh, yeah.
04:23Oh, my God.
04:23Oh, yeah.
04:24Oh, yeah.
04:27Oh, yeah.
04:29Oh, yeah.
04:32Oh, yeah.
05:32I won't be doing that.
05:33Really?
05:34I won't.
05:35Hey, we're just looking.
05:36Rinse way high, so don't get your hopes all carbonated.
05:38But you have references.
05:40No, I have Albert, which is me doing an important voice.
05:44Xander Harris, an excellent dinner, and a very nice-looking fellow.
05:51Oh, big.
05:53It's nice.
05:56And not subterranean.
05:58It's very above-terranean.
06:02I want it.
06:04Pay anything.
06:06Xander Harris?
06:08Uh, no, Riley, Finn.
06:11This is Xander.
06:13Hey.
06:14Ah.
06:15I brought my friends.
06:17I see.
06:18They wouldn't always be around.
06:19But we're clean and quiet.
06:21We can have the Scooby meetings in the living room, and Giles can explain the boring things
06:25over there.
06:26Oh, there's a microwave.
06:27It would be like having hot and cold running popcorn.
06:29Phone and electricity are hooked up.
06:30There's a private balcony, ceiling fan, closet space, and that's the bedroom.
06:48Guys, you can't save it for the bedroom.
06:54Okay, good point.
07:01I brought an application for you to fill out.
07:05An application?
07:07I can't just tell you my references?
07:11Because there's Albert.
07:12We run your credit check based on the application.
07:15Oh, credit check.
07:18A little check on the credit.
07:20See how credible my checks are.
07:22And we'll be asking for first, last, security, and a small cleaning deposit.
07:29The total's at the bottom of this sheet there.
07:33He'll take it.
07:35Xander, go get the furniture.
07:36I'll wait here.
07:37He's been living in his drunken parent's basement where something urinated on the hot plate.
07:43Uh, can we talk quietly over there?
07:47Excuse us.
07:49Uh, we, um, uh, we like the ceiling fan.
08:00Yes.
08:01It's very, you know, kind of old sound.
08:04But without the unpleasant slavery associations.
08:08But why can't we have it?
08:10I told you.
08:11My construction job is ending, and I won't have any more money coming in.
08:15And by the way, you do have your own place.
08:18So when I want to visit you, I have to be in that awful basement?
08:22Not forever.
08:23Just until things come together.
08:25Which is when, Xander.
08:27Cause right now, things are looking pretty untogether.
08:29And you can't expect me just to wait around for-
08:32Quiet.
08:33Please.
08:34Anya.
08:35What is this?
08:36What's going on with you?
08:38What's going on with me is my arm hurts and I'm tired.
08:44And I don't really feel like taking it to a tour of beautiful things that I can't have.
08:57I guess I'll just start on that application.
09:00I think you'll like it.
09:02I've been told I have lovely penmanship.
09:05Oh, yeah, I'm interested to see what happens.
09:13Miscellaneous curses.
09:17Brilliant.
09:19Lucky if I don't cast me hands off at the wrist.
09:25The slayer is not here.
09:28Rabbit's foot.
09:29No, wait.
09:35That is a fertility god.
09:38Feeble man, you are not likely to strike me.
09:50You are not the slayer.
09:54You do not concern me.
10:05Like this.
10:09And this.
10:11And that.
10:13That thing's pretty heavy.
10:15That's Uftar.
10:17Goddess of childbirth.
10:18She's got some nice heft to her.
10:21How badly did you hurt him?
10:24Well, hurt...
10:26Maybe not hurt.
10:28Well, I'm sure he was startled.
10:31Uh, yes, yes.
10:32I'd imagine it gave him, uh, rather a turn.
10:35He ran away, huh?
10:37Um, sort of more, uh, turned and swept out majestically, I suppose.
10:43He said I didn't concern him.
10:46So, a mythic triumph over a completely indifferent foe.
10:50Well, I'm not dead or unconscious, so I say bravo for me.
10:55Some good demons in this one.
10:56See if your guy's in here.
10:57So, you bought the magic shop and you were attacked before it opened.
11:02Who's up for a swingin' chorus of the We Told You So symphony?
11:06Honing this place does seem kinda dangerous.
11:09Toth?
11:11What?
11:13He called you a Toth.
11:14It's a British expression.
11:15It means, like, moron?
11:17No.
11:19Toth is the name of the demon.
11:21What?
11:22He called you a Toth.
11:23It's a British expression.
11:24Toth is the name of the demon.
11:27Be careful with that.
11:30Ancient demon.
11:32Very strong.
11:33Last survivor of the Tothric clan.
11:36It also says that for a demon he's unusually sophisticated.
11:40Sophisticated?
11:41So I should discuss men's fashions with him before I chop his head off?
11:45They're referring to the fact that he does not fight barehanded.
11:50He uses tools.
11:52Devices.
11:54Though, he's also supposed to be very focused.
11:57And since he mentioned the Slayer, I think we know what the focus is.
12:00He mentioned Buffy?
12:04Where do we find him and how hard can I kill him?
12:07Well, there's no mention of the types of places he might frequent, but...
12:13I have an idea.
12:16He had a very specific olfactory presence.
12:20Well, I guess we're off to the olfactory.
12:24I hate that place.
12:27I'm joking. I know what it means.
12:29He smelled.
12:32Right?
12:34Some demon rituals involve anointing with oils.
12:38Was it sort of sandal woody?
12:41Um, not even remotely.
12:43Not even remotely.
12:44But he was very, um...
12:47distinctive.
12:56The city dump.
12:58Where smells go to relax and be themselves.
13:02People say they're recycling.
13:05They're not recycling.
13:07I found a spell so you can't smell anything, but it does it by taking your nose off, so...
13:12No.
13:21What are you doing here, Spike?
13:25Oh, there's a nice lady vampire who set up a charming tea room over the next pile of crap.
13:31What do you think I'm doing?
13:33I'm scavenging, ain't I?
13:35Very pretty.
13:38Spike, um...
13:39Looking for a demon.
13:41Um...
13:42Tall...
13:43Robe...
13:44Skin...
13:46Hanging off...
13:47Deep voice.
13:49You mean a great tall robe-y thing like that one?
13:57Take cover!
13:59Good guy!
14:00Kick her ass!
14:01Oh, very nice!
14:03I was on your side!
14:05Watch out!
14:07Hey!
14:08You okay?
14:09Come on!
14:10Murphy, he's gone!
14:11I'm fine.
14:12Easy, easy.
14:13Ugh!
14:14Ugh!
14:15Ugh!
14:16Ugh!
14:17Ugh!
14:18He disappeared.
14:20That had to hurt.
14:21Yeah, yeah.
14:22Take it slow.
14:23I'm fine.
14:24Easy, easy.
14:25Ugh!
14:26Ugh!
14:27He disappeared.
14:28Ugh...
14:30That had to hurt.
14:32Yeah, yeah.
14:33Take it slow.
14:35That had to hurt.
14:36Yeah, yeah.
14:37Take it slow.
14:38Come on.
15:08Anya, can you try and use the hot plate again?
15:25Anya, can you try and use the hot plate again?
15:55Anya?
15:59Anya?
16:01On?
16:02Oh, my God.
16:10Oh, my God.
16:22What?
16:24No way.
16:29Who is...
16:32me?
16:34What am I doing in there?
16:37Buffy.
16:38Me Buffy.
16:40No, it ate my quarter.
16:46Uh-huh.
16:47But see, I'm sort of having this aggressively bad day.
16:51Oh!
16:52I found a quarter.
16:53I found a quarter.
16:55Well, ma'am, for me, it is worth getting excited about.
17:02Come on, Buffy.
17:07Come on, Buffy.
17:08Hello?
17:14They hung up.
17:23Well, if this guy wants to fight with weapons, I've got it covered from A to Z.
17:31From axe to...
17:33Z-butther axe.
17:35Relax.
17:37Another day, another demon.
17:40Right.
17:41Yeah, it'll be good.
17:42Okay.
17:43My friend Sharon's older brother knows a girl who died because she choked on her boyfriend's
18:09tongue.
18:10Go away, Don.
18:12Don.
18:13I'm not in your room.
18:14I'm in the hallway.
18:15The hallway doesn't belong to you.
18:17Get out of here.
18:20Mom, I can stand in the hallway, right?
18:23She's watching us like a big freak.
18:26This must be my two teenage girls in the house headache.
18:30I thought it felt familiar.
18:32Good work, Don.
18:33You gave her a headache.
18:35I did not.
18:36Did I give you a headache, Mom?
18:38I'm sure part of it is Buffy's, but part of it is Don's.
18:42It's so nice you've learned to share.
18:45You girls, sort this out yourselves.
18:47It's good for you.
18:49She didn't say I couldn't stand here.
18:50No.
18:51No.
18:52No.
18:53No.
18:54No.
18:55No.
18:56No.
18:57No.
18:58No.
18:59No.
19:00No.
19:01No.
19:02No.
19:04Very posh.
19:19Very posh.
19:39Oh, Slayer.
19:42One of these days.
19:49Yeah, put it over.
20:15Hey, Harris!
20:17Harris.
20:19Harris.
20:20Sorry.
20:21Yeah.
20:22In my trailer, okay?
20:23I'm talking to all the guys today.
20:25The job's winding down.
20:26Righto.
20:27Be right there.
20:28Be right there.
20:30Okay.
20:39Welcome to Payback, Mr. Evil Plan Face Dealer.
20:44You take my life, and you get my being fired absolutely free.
20:56Harris.
20:58Where's your hard hat?
21:04Sit down.
21:05Okay.
21:17How long you work here, Harris?
21:20I'm not sure.
21:22About three months?
21:23I guess, yeah.
21:24I guess, yeah.
21:37And you haven't done much construction work before this, is that right?
21:41I knew they were going to notice that.
21:44I have to tell you, that's surprising.
21:47Because your work here has been first rate.
21:51You know, we have another job lined up in Carlton when we finish here.
21:55You ever think about staying on full time?
21:58What?
21:59Why isn't he firing me?
22:01Him.
22:03I was thinking that I'd have you head up our interior carpentry crew.
22:07See how it goes.
22:09It's more responsibility.
22:11But the pay's better.
22:13That would be great.
22:15Promotion.
22:16But I...
22:18I mean, he didn't...
22:20Doesn't he see the shiny thing?
22:25Congratulations, Harris.
22:27You and your girls should go out and celebrate.
22:30I already have an idea how.
22:36I was going to call you, Mr. Harris.
22:39Let you know your credit checked out fine, but...
22:42I really didn't think you'd be back.
22:44Mr. Harris?
22:46Yeah, right.
22:48I'm sure you'll like the building.
22:50I think someone said you're currently in your parents' basement?
22:55Right.
22:56Then comes a point where you either have to move on or just buy yourself a Klingon costume and go with it.
23:06Well, I hope you'll be happy here, Mr. Harris.
23:11We're certainly happy to have you.
23:15And if you need anything, day or night, please call me.
23:25I'm leaving my home number here.
23:28She's coming on to him.
23:30Me.
23:32Call me.
23:33Even for, you know, non-business stuff.
23:41Maybe we could, uh, do something.
23:45Please, lady, that is so not me.
23:47He's too clean for one thing, and his socks are all matchy.
23:50And...
23:54Remember.
23:56Anytime.
24:08Anya, you there?
24:10Look, I know you're still mad, but...
24:14I figure you're probably sitting there pretending you're not home, but listening anyway.
24:19I am not.
24:21Look, I have something to show you.
24:23Meet me at the apartment.
24:25You know the one.
24:26Nine o'clock.
24:54I won't let you do this!
24:57You can't do this to me!
25:03Oh, man. I need Buffy.
25:13No, no.
25:15He looked exactly like me.
25:18It stole my face.
25:20We have to find it, and we have to kill it.
25:26She sees it's not me.
25:28Please, Buffy.
25:30Resist the spell.
25:33Do this for me.
25:37Don't worry, Xander.
25:39Whatever stole your face,
25:41it has to deal with the Slayer now.
25:43And I'm gonna go with the Slayer now.
25:44I'm gonna go with the Slayer now.
25:50Oh, shit.
25:54No more.
25:56I'm gonna fall.
25:58No more.
26:00Don't be scared, Will.
26:14Just listen.
26:15It's me, Xander.
26:17And I can prove it.
26:19Um, okay.
26:24Let's see.
26:26Stuff only you and me know.
26:29Okay.
26:30On my seventh birthday, I wanted a toy firetruck, and I didn't get it, and you were real nice
26:36about it, and then the house next door burnt down, and then real firetrucks came, and for
26:40years I thought you set the fire for me.
26:43And if you did, you could tell me.
26:48For a while last year, I thought I was lactose intolerant, but it was just some bad brie.
26:54Oh, every Christmas, we watch Charlie Brown together, and I do the Snoopy dance.
27:00Xander, stop dancing.
27:13Aha.
27:15You called me Xander.
27:17Xander, shut up.
27:18Why wouldn't I think you were Xander?
27:21Oh.
27:23Huh.
27:23What's going on?
27:28Okay.
27:30I woke up in the dump this morning.
27:33Xander, the basement isn't a dump.
27:35It's more like a really nice hovel.
27:38No.
27:39The dump.
27:41The city dump.
27:42I got hit last night, fall down, boom.
27:46Woke up this morning.
27:49Uh-uh.
27:51We walked you home last night, remember?
27:54You walked?
27:56Will, did I do anything weird?
28:01Did I wave any shiny things around?
28:04Shiny things?
28:05What are you talking about?
28:07Last night, that wasn't me.
28:10There's a double out there.
28:13Some thing has stolen my face, and it's going around pretending to be me, and it's hypnotizing
28:19people.
28:21It even got to Buffy and Giles and Riley.
28:24It's over there right now, and they have no idea.
28:26What's intriguing me is that there are a number of demons with the ability to mimic a simple
28:33form, but it sounds like more than that.
28:37Hold up.
28:39Do we really have to figure out what it is?
28:41Let's just go kill it.
28:43Yeah.
28:44When the impostor's killed, the body will probably turn back into whatever it really is, and
28:48then we'll know.
28:49Toth.
28:52The demon with the creepy stick thing.
28:56Toth.
28:58It's got to be.
29:00He hit Xander with that blast, and somehow it allowed him to take Xander's form.
29:04Couldn't that be what the creepy stick thing did?
29:07Yes.
29:09Spiders, yes, yes.
29:10Makes sense.
29:11Shape-shifting device.
29:13It does make sense.
29:15It must be Toth.
29:17It's a robot.
29:18It's an evil robot constructed from evil parts that look like me designed to do evil.
29:24Uh-huh.
29:25Or it's Toth.
29:27Or it's Toth.
29:30I was going to look for Toth anyway.
29:33I guess now I start looking for you.
29:37Should I go with you?
29:38I told Anya to meet me at my new place.
29:41I'd feel a whole lot better knowing she's safe from this creep.
29:45Go be with her.
29:45I mean, if you were out there looking for the devil, too.
29:50Let's just say that I wouldn't want to run into you and kill the wrong one.
29:54Good thinking.
29:56When you kill this thing, you'd better make sure you got the one who's actually...
29:59A demon.
30:01A demon.
30:02A demon has taken my life from me, and he's living it better than I do.
30:08Uh, well, we're working on it.
30:11Look, there has to be a way to get to Buffy to unhypnotize her.
30:16I'll find a spell to snap her out of it.
30:19Right.
30:21Whatever.
30:22Xander, you sound a little...
30:27You have to help me figure this out, you know.
30:30But I never help.
30:32I get in trouble and Buffy saves me.
30:35That's not true.
30:36Sometimes we all help Tess save you.
30:41And sometimes you're not in trouble.
30:47I'm just...
30:49another great humiliation.
30:53And this time it's even worse.
30:55This demon, he's like taking my life, and everyone's treating him...
31:00Everyone's treating him like a grown-up.
31:03Will, I'm starting to feel like...
31:06Like what?
31:09Like...
31:10He's doing everything better.
31:13He's smarter and...
31:17I don't know, maybe I should just let him have it.
31:20Take my life, please.
31:22Xander, no.
31:25You're just tired and...
31:27And all soggy.
31:28That's why it seems so hard.
31:30But you can't let him just take your whole existence.
31:34Why not?
31:36It's not like I was doing anything so great with it.
31:39When I get to the pearly gates, I'm sure the guy is not gonna go...
31:43Hey, what a kick-ass comic book collection.
31:45Come on in.
31:46What have I got that's even worth...
31:51Anya?
31:51Do you think he's after her?
31:54She won't know.
31:56He can just...
31:58No.
31:59No way.
32:00No way.
32:01He can take anything, but he can't have her.
32:02I need her.
32:04Really?
32:05He could be with her right now.
32:06Figure out a spell.
32:08Something reveal-y.
32:10I gotta find her.
32:11Xander.
32:14You already knew he was taking over your life, and you didn't think about Anya till just now.
32:20Hey, wait till you have an evil twin.
32:22See how you handle it.
32:24I handled it fine.
32:35Anya?
32:37On?
32:47Leave me at the apartment.
32:49You know the one.
32:50Nine o'clock.
32:54It's gonna be here.
33:03Where is it?
33:06You're lying.
33:08It's a trick.
33:10No.
33:12Trust me.
33:15You really got this apartment?
33:18I really did.
33:21And do you know why?
33:24The ceiling fans?
33:25They're very attractive.
33:27No.
33:29It's because I knew you wanted it.
33:32It's all for you.
33:42Anya, you didn't see me today, did you?
33:45I mean, we didn't talk.
33:47What do you mean?
33:49I just got your phone message, that's all.
33:54Good.
33:55So...
34:02What happens next?
34:10Well, at some point, we take off our clothes.
34:15I mean, what happens next in our lives?
34:18When do we get a car?
34:23A car?
34:24And a boat.
34:25No, wait.
34:26I don't mean a boat.
34:27I mean a puppy.
34:28Or a child.
34:29I have a list somewhere.
34:31What are you talking about?
34:33Just...
34:33We have to get going.
34:35I don't have time just to let these things happen.
34:39There's no hurry.
34:40Yes, there is.
34:42There's a hurry, Xander.
34:45I'm dying.
34:49I may have as few as 50 years left.
34:5250 years?
34:54What is this?
34:57Oh, wait a minute.
35:00This is about this.
35:03What about the sling?
35:07You haven't been hurt like this since you became human.
35:10Maybe it's finally hitting you what being human means.
35:19No.
35:20That's not it.
35:22Yes, I think it is.
35:25You were going to live for thousands of years.
35:29And now you're going to age and die.
35:35That must be terrifying.
35:38You don't understand what it's like.
35:41Being suddenly human?
35:43I think I can get what that would be like.
35:48And we can get through it together.
35:50You can't make it any different.
35:55I'm going to get old.
35:57And you can't promise you'll be with me when I'm wrinkly.
36:02And my teeth are artificial and stuck into my wrinkly mouth with an adhesive.
36:06No, I can't promise you.
36:07No, I can't promise that.
36:10But it doesn't sound terrible.
36:12And that's saying something.
36:13I promise you, Anya, you're very soon.
36:19You won't be thinking about getting older.
36:21Get away from her!
36:32Xander!
36:34Xander!
36:35Xander!
36:35Get out!
36:37You don't belong here, Anya.
36:41It's me.
36:44It's a demon.
36:47He stole my face.
36:49He's trying to trick you.
36:55Anya, you know I'm me, right?
36:57No!
37:02What is it?
37:05Make it go away.
37:06So you're thinking we split up?
37:08Yeah.
37:09You check the places where he might try and go and blend in with Xander.
37:12I'll check the places where Toph might hang out.
37:15I swear this time I know I have that love.
37:18Buffy, Toph looks like Xander.
37:21We already know.
37:22We're on our way.
37:23Wait a second.
37:24How did you know about this?
37:26He came to me.
37:27I mean, Xander did.
37:29And he's in terrible shape.
37:30We need to help him.
37:31He came to us, too.
37:33No.
37:34We each had a Xander.
37:36I mean, you didn't have a Xander.
37:38You had a demon in a Xander suit.
37:41What makes you so sure that yours is the right one?
37:44He knew stuff.
37:45He did the Snoopy dance.
37:48Buffy, it was Xander, and he needs us.
37:50Oh, dear Lord.
37:52Buffy, our Xander, did he seem a little...
37:55He seemed kind of forceful and confident.
37:58That's not Xander.
38:00I said, oh, dear Lord.
38:02You always say that.
38:04Well, it's always important.
38:06Neither Xander is a demon.
38:09Um, is one of them or a what?
38:12What?
38:14No.
38:15No.
38:15Um, the rod device.
38:17It's called a prurule agemata.
38:19It splits one person into half, distilling personality traits into two separate bodies.
38:25As near as I can tell, Toth was attempting to split the Slayer into two different entities.
38:29Two Buffy's?
38:33Yes.
38:34One with all the qualities inherent in Buffy's summers.
38:37The other with everything that belongs to the Slayer alone.
38:42The strength, the speed, the heritage.
38:47And when it hit Xander, I think it separated him into his strongest points and his weakest.
38:53But which one's the real one?
38:55They're both real.
38:56They're both Xander.
38:57Neither one of them is evil.
38:59There's nothing in either of them that our Xander didn't already possess.
39:02I still don't get the original plan.
39:06I mean, why do it?
39:07The Slayer half would be like Slayer Concentrate.
39:09Pretty unkillable.
39:10But the two halves can't exist without each other.
39:14Kill the weaker Buffy half, and the Slayer half dies.
39:18So the same goes for the Xanders.
39:21We lose one, we lose them both.
39:24He's the demon.
39:26Or possibly a robot.
39:29Look at me.
39:30Look at my eyes.
39:31Can't you see it's me?
39:38I don't know.
39:40Please.
39:41Look at him.
39:42Listen to him.
39:44He's all smooth.
39:46You have to know it's me.
39:49Don't worry, Anya.
39:51I'll get rid of this thing.
39:54I'm thinking this is going to last about 15 seconds.
39:59I'm thinking less.
40:01No!
40:11No!
40:11No, shoot him!
40:19Can't this thing go any faster?
40:22Ultimate driving machine my ass.
40:24I'm pushing 70.
40:32Riley, do you wish...
40:33No.
40:37No.
40:38You don't even know what I was going to say.
40:40Yes, I do.
40:43You wanted to know if I wished you got hit by the Farula Gemma.
40:48Got split in two.
40:49Well, you have been kind of rankly about the whole Slayer gig.
40:57Instead of having Slayer Buffy, you could have Buffy Buffy.
41:02I have Buffy Buffy.
41:04Being the Slayer is part of who you are.
41:06You keep thinking I don't get that, but...
41:08It's just, I know how unfun it can be.
41:15Bad hours, frequent bruising, cranky monsters.
41:18Buffy.
41:19Buffy.
41:21If you lived a perfectly normal life, you wouldn't be half as crazy as you are.
41:26I gotta have that.
41:28I gotta have it all.
41:29I'm talking toes, elbows, the whole bad ice skating movie obsession.
41:34Everything.
41:35There's no part of you I'm not in love with.
41:37We better get there soon.
41:51Xander kills himself.
41:53He's dead.
41:56You know what I mean?
42:01Go!
42:02I have to kill the demon bot!
42:04Anya, get out of the way.
42:11Xander!
42:12It's all right, Buffy.
42:14I have him.
42:15No, Buffy, I'm me.
42:17Help me!
42:19My gun.
42:20He's got my gun.
42:22You own a gun?
42:23Xander.
42:24Gun holding Xander.
42:27Give it to me.
42:34Buffy, which one's real?
42:43I am.
42:44No, I am.
42:54Ow!
42:57Wild.
42:58Xander.
42:59Yeah.
43:02Okay, Xander.
43:05You've been split in two.
43:07But you're both Xander.
43:08And you can't kill each other.
43:10I mean, well, you could, but it'd be really bad.
43:18No way.
43:18He can't be me.
43:21He's all fancy.
43:23We can prove you're both Xander.
43:25Yeah.
43:26How?
43:26Well, there has to be a way.
43:32Oh, what number am I thinking of?
43:34I don't think that's going to do it.
43:36Eleven and a half.
43:37Wrong.
43:38Oh, but see?
43:42No.
43:44We're not the same.
43:46We're all different.
43:47Different properties went into each of you, but you're both Xander.
43:50Different properties?
43:52What different properties?
43:53Uh, um, you know, uh, sense of direction, good night vision, stuff like that.
44:03Oh, but he has a thing in his pocket, a shiny disc that stuns and disorients.
44:10What disc?
44:11Cover your eyes.
44:13This?
44:13It'll melt your brain.
44:21Look.
44:22It's a nickel someone flattened on the railroad track.
44:25I found it on the construction site.
44:27I thought it was cool.
44:29It's not magic.
44:31No, I...
44:32Why?
44:34Huh.
44:36It is kind of cool.
44:39Washington's still there, but he's all smooshy.
44:42And he may be Jefferson.
44:44Okay.
44:44Isn't anyone going to tell me why there are two Xanders?
44:48I will on the way to Giles.
44:49Let's go.
44:50Oh, great.
44:59Rod boy.
45:01I will not miss again, Slade.
45:02The gun.
45:03Pick up the little gun pieces.
45:06No.
45:09Hey, I just made a small cleaning department.
45:12I will not miss again, Slade.
45:42The sword.
46:03Oh, yeah.
46:05That clean deposit's gone.
46:07I was thinking the same thing.
46:10Hey, do you suppose we're both Xander?
46:12Look and admire, ladies.
46:18Look, there's a scar there.
46:20And there's the same one right there.
46:23It's all double.
46:25This zit and this kind of funny, dippy thing.
46:32And this weird little hair that grows in their own way.
46:37Okay, back off, ladies.
46:40Psychologically, this is fascinating.
46:43Doesn't it make everyone want to lock them in separate rooms and do experiments on them?
46:50Just me, then.
46:51So, um, you Xanders really do have all the same memories, all the same physical attributes?
47:02We're completely identical.
47:06Yeah, we checked out some stuff in the car on the way over.
47:12Fingerprints.
47:14Well, maybe we shouldn't do this reintegration thing right away.
47:18See, I can take the boys home and, you know, we can all have sex together and then, um, you know, just slap them back together in the morning.
47:27She's joking.
47:28She's joking.
47:30No, she's not.
47:31She entirely wants to have sex with us together, which is wrong and, and it would be very confusing.
47:40Uh, uh, we just, uh, need to arrange the candles.
47:44Also, we should continue to pretend we heard none of the disturbing sex talk.
47:49Check.
47:50Candles and pretense.
47:51It's not like it'd be cheating.
47:57They're both Xander.
47:58Now, hold on a sec.
47:59If you were putting a whammy on the people with the shiny thing, how'd you do it?
48:04How'd you get the promotion?
48:06Well, I'm good at that stuff.
48:08I am?
48:09Yeah.
48:10And, hey, how about that lady, huh?
48:12The apartment manager?
48:14How weird was it when she called me mister?
48:17We're ready.
48:18We should do it now.
48:21Well, what do we do if it doesn't work?
48:24Kill us both, Spock.
48:29They're kind of the same now.
48:33Yes, he's clearly a bad influence on himself.
48:37Hey, summon the goddess.
48:38Chant the chant.
48:39Let's do it.
48:41Actually, it's not that hard.
48:43Your natural state is to be together.
48:45Toth's spell is doing all the work of keeping you apart.
48:49I just have to break it.
48:50So, you two, stand right here.
48:56Side by side.
48:58We don't want you to end up two fronts now, do we?
49:03Are you sure you know how to do this?
49:07Here we go.
49:09Brace yourselves.
49:10Let the spell be ended.
49:17You've got to be kidding.
49:19Let the spell be ended.
49:20That's not going to work.
49:24Oh.
49:29I liked it the other way.
49:32Put him back.
49:33Getting nostalgic?
49:51I don't know.
49:52At first, it's just a place.
49:55And then you start to make memories.
49:58And then you're like, that's where Spike slept.
50:02And there, that's where Hanya and I drowned this apavro demon.
50:07Oh, and right there, that's where I got my heart all ripped out.
50:10I really hate this place.
50:18Hanya.
50:20I see you've joined the not-sling-wearing crowd.
50:23Yes.
50:24I'm feeling better.
50:25And I anticipate many years before my death.
50:28Accepting disease or airbag failure.
50:32That sounds nice.
50:33Oh!
50:38Presents?
50:40Not unless you want my collection of Babylon 5 commemorative plates.
50:44Which you cannot have.
50:47I just thought you could help carry a little.
50:49Me?
50:52Buffy has super strength.
50:53Why don't we just load her up like one of those little horses?
50:57Hanya.
50:59Please.
51:01Fine.
51:01I'm just your slave.
51:08How is it that she can always make me feel Suave Sanders left the building?
51:13You two have your friction, but...
51:16She digs the whole package.
51:18It's obvious.
51:19Still, I do envy you sometimes.
51:22I mean, for the sanity.
51:24Not that I'm still in the Buffy.
51:26Not that I ever was.
51:29Yeah, I'm well aware of how lucky I am.
51:32Like, lottery lucky.
51:36Buffy's like nobody else in the world.
51:39When I'm with her, it's like...
51:41It's like I'm split in two.
51:44Half me is just on fire.
51:46Going crazy if I'm not touching her.
51:49The other half...
51:50Is so still...
51:52And peaceful.
51:53Just perfectly content.
51:57Just knows...
51:59This is the one.
52:06But she doesn't love me.
52:08You got something else for me to carry?
52:20You can help me pack this.
52:22Sure.
52:29Sure.
52:29Oh, God.
52:41It's the children.