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00:00All right, Bill Belichick, here's how you should break up with Jordan in just 60 seconds.
00:05Now, you're in pretty deep right now, so there's going to be a lot that you need to do.
00:08One, take her to a very public place where there are a lot of witnesses.
00:13You're going to need a lot of people around when you break this news to her.
00:16You also need to, whatever you've already given her, she can keep it.
00:20She can keep all that stuff.
00:21You also need to go on the internet, find a list of people who have more money than you
00:26and men who are older than you.
00:28She very much has a type.
00:29If you convince her that you're not the oldest guy on the block, you're not the richest guy
00:33on the block, she may move on.
00:35And if that doesn't work, you reach out to Jeff Bezos and you say, hey, Jeff, do you have
00:39another one of these Blue Origin all-woman flights that are going to go to outer space?
00:42And maybe you have one that won't return back to Earth.
00:45I know that's drastic, but this girl knows what she's doing.
00:48Jordan's a succubus, so if you can't get her the Blue Origin, you might just have to settle
00:52for 350.
00:53Give her 350.
00:54That might be enough for her to leave you alone.
00:56You can go back to just coaching football, talking about defenses and X's and O's and
01:01long snappers.
01:02So best of luck to you, Bill.
01:03Another all-female flight to space.
01:05Another all-female.
01:06This one never comes back.
01:08No, but this really go this time.
01:09Go to outer space.
01:10Unlike faking it like they did.
01:11I can see Jordan putting on the blue suit and everything else.
01:14This one really goes.
01:15Jordan's like, great.
01:16I'm going to be...
01:16This is it.
01:17I'm moving women forward.
01:18This is it.
01:19Clearly that's important to her.
01:20Get in there.
01:21I'm taking a step for women, and then she's just orbiting the Earth.
01:25Take off.
01:26Take off and go.
01:27Okay.
01:27I got to be honest, that one's going to be tough to beat.
01:29Okay.
01:29But I'll do my best.