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00:30This feels like a moment.
00:42It should.
00:43You're finally getting what you're owed.
00:45Part of what I'm owed.
00:48Still, it's a start, innit?
00:53And it makes you realise what's important.
00:56And what would that be, Confucius?
00:58And your kids.
01:00Protecting their future.
01:05Who knows?
01:07Maybe one day you'll put a smile on Steph's face again.
01:15That post it won't report in.
01:17How hard is it to push some letters through a box?
01:20Anyone could swipe these and then they'd know.
01:22All your business.
01:23We've got an email from the hospital.
01:28Looks like it could be to do with that job.
01:31What was that about people wanting to know all your business?
01:33Well, I'm sister, so it's different.
01:37Read it.
01:38No need to look so worried.
01:40Who said I was worried?
01:41I'd rather be mad not to snap you up.
01:44Come on, I'm a saddo with no life humour me.
01:47Well?
01:51Got the job.
01:53And that's your happy face?
01:55It's just a job.
01:56This calls for champagne.
01:57Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
01:58What are you doing?
01:58It's barely nine o'clock in the morning.
02:00Box first then.
02:01But we are celebrating.
02:09Oh, my.
02:14Sarah, hi.
02:17You enjoying your time off?
02:19Oh, um, yeah, I, er, it's bliss not to have a day full of boils and bunions.
02:26Look, I tried calling the surgery and they said you were on holiday, so it doesn't matter.
02:29Oh, no, no, no, nonsense.
02:31Please, sit down.
02:31What's happening?
02:34Um, so I've been doing some research about the chances of me having a baby and, um, well,
02:40when you said it's not impossible, it got me thinking.
02:43Right, er, maybe I should have chosen my words a bit more carefully.
02:48It's still extremely unlikely.
02:50No, there's other people out there that have done it.
02:52I've been reading all about them.
02:54Do you remember when I was holding your hair back when you were being sick?
02:57Ah, memories.
02:59Well, it kind of felt like we were getting back on track.
03:04There's no getting about it.
03:05Oh, good, good.
03:07Because I have an awkward question I want to ask and I'm hoping that means you're not going
03:10to throw that plate in my head.
03:11So, er, well, I'm arranging a party for my mum.
03:17Right, it's her 75th birthday.
03:19Rona.
03:19Er, please, all I'm asking is that you at least think about coming along.
03:25It would mean the world to her and to me.
03:27I appreciate the offer, but I am nowhere near ready for that.
03:32OK.
03:33OK, yeah, sure, if that's how you feel.
03:36Maybe next year?
03:37I've got cookies and pretzels.
03:59Who knew Eric does pretzels?
04:01Celebrating.
04:03Er, celebrating.
04:05Your dad's birthday, tomorrow.
04:07Yeah.
04:07And?
04:09Well, go on.
04:10Tell her.
04:11The fact I'm no longer going to be, er, Fox.
04:14I'm changing my name by depot for now when I'm just Ruby Milligan.
04:18Yeah, it's long overdue.
04:20Um, can I grab my charger?
04:23Yeah, sure.
04:25Hey, listen, I was, er, I was thinking maybe we could kick back and watch a film.
04:29Your choice.
04:31Ah, what?
04:32Don't you think I can stomach a chick flick?
04:36You might be able to.
04:37Superb.
04:38Return of the Jedi is then.
04:40Look, I've got a lot on.
04:42Yeah.
04:44Yeah, I know you do.
04:46And it's sort of up in here, innit?
04:48You know, you can talk to me, you know.
04:51Dad, there's really no need.
04:53Give me five minutes, that's all.
04:54I've got a facial booked, okay?
04:57Thanks.
04:58I'll see you later.
05:04So, there's this woman, Beth, she's 40 now and her son, Jamie, is 19 and he's going to uni.
05:08She was my age when she started IVF and everyone said to her, you know, you couldn't do it,
05:13she'd be dead by 40, but she's not.
05:15She's beating the odds.
05:18Well, that's great and I'm really pleased for her.
05:20But I don't know her medical history, Sarah.
05:24Your cases may not be comparable.
05:25And what cancer did Beth have and what treatment?
05:28Did she have a bone marrow transplant like you?
05:30Could be coming at it from very different starting points.
05:32Your ex might not even be viable.
05:34Yeah, well, she's not the only one.
05:35There's this other woman, Rain, in Texas.
05:37She did the same.
05:38And how much did that cost her?
05:39Well, she's not going to put that online, is she?
05:42IVF is prohibitively expensive.
05:44Yeah, well, I can do it through the NHS.
05:45If you were to write me a referral letter supporting me.
05:47Yes, I could.
05:49But given your circumstances, I'd be very surprised if they fund it.
05:52Right, so because I've got a medical condition I get discriminated against.
05:55Nice.
05:56No, I don't think...
05:57Look, I've got every right to have a child.
05:58Yes, you absolutely do.
06:00And I would wholeheartedly support you.
06:02But...
06:03It would be appalling, nice.
06:05Right, so the only way I can have a child is by going private.
06:11Sarah, listen.
06:13Even if you were a suitable candidate, there are no guarantees.
06:18A typical cycle starts at £5,000.
06:21And that's not factoring in medications and scans.
06:25And you could have cycle after cycle.
06:26It could take months, years even.
06:28Yeah, or I could get pregnant straight away.
06:31She's raw.
06:32Maybe it's the name change.
06:35Well, I thought she'd be pleased about that.
06:37Yeah.
06:39I suppose I just wanted her to feel like we're moving on, you know?
06:43Well, scrubbing that man's name out of our lives is minuscule.
06:48None of this is a quick fix, believe me, I know.
06:51I don't know.
06:52One minute we're close and the next she's pulling away.
06:54Yeah, because she's drowning in trauma.
06:59Do you think I didn't do the same?
07:02There was this...
07:04teacher at school was always asking me,
07:07is everything all right at home?
07:10Do you want to talk?
07:12I couldn't think of anything worse.
07:13That meant saying those words out loud,
07:15which meant acknowledging this was really happening.
07:19So, no, she doesn't want to talk.
07:21Right, so what do we do?
07:23Do we just leave her to it?
07:24Let her keep going over and over it inside her head?
07:27I said she doesn't want to talk.
07:28What she needs is a whole different thing.
07:29She needs therapy.
07:31A professional.
07:32That's the one thing we can't risk.
07:36Do you know what?
07:36I would give it all up.
07:38The land, the depot, everything if I...
07:41I'd just have my little girl back.
07:43I know you would.
07:46Maybe I'm being too negative.
07:47Maybe she's nothing like me and she just...
07:49needs some time to process things.
07:52And how have you been since our last meeting?
07:54Yeah.
07:55Good, thanks.
07:56Apart from the traffic getting here.
07:58Oh, it's a nightmare, isn't it?
07:59And you received all the documents we sent through?
08:02Yeah, they were all really helpful, thanks.
08:04Well, people's expectations around nose jobs can be a little high, as we say.
08:08That's why we send that out to make sure everything is absolutely clear.
08:12So, I presume you're still keen to proceed with the rhinoplasty?
08:16Well, it certainly answered all my questions.
08:18Good.
08:18And if we can just go back over your psychological assessments.
08:22Oh, I thought we already did that.
08:24I'd just like to revisit some questions.
08:27Yes, well, like I said before, the fault lies with your chemist, not with a...
08:34You can't do that.
08:43I've been crossing my legs for the last hour.
08:45It's a good job Dr. Cavanagh asked me back then.
08:48Knew he would.
08:48Oh, Liam, what lovely cologne.
08:56Oh, thank you very much.
08:57You're early.
08:59Lest coming suddenly he finds you sleeping.
09:01Right, yes.
09:04I'm handing my notice in.
09:05Oh.
09:07Erm, I see.
09:10Is there anything I can do to make you reconsider?
09:12Not really.
09:12I've got the job at the hospital.
09:14Right, excellent.
09:15Excellent.
09:15Well, congratulations.
09:17Yeah, well, at least I won't have old man Finnegan screaming down the phone at me there.
09:21You won't get away with that on my watch.
09:24Look, John, I appreciate how frustrating this must be.
09:26Man of your talents, stationed on reception.
09:28I should say, it's not really where my skills lie.
09:30Of course, you are a man of action.
09:32The cut and thrust of emergency meds.
09:35Perils of life and death.
09:36It's hardly any wonder.
09:37Oh, butterfingers.
09:39Great, great, brilliant.
09:41Now reception is full of soil.
09:42Don't worry, I'll clear it up.
09:44Where's your dust pad?
09:45We haven't got one.
09:46You don't have a dust pad?
09:47I don't know, there might be one in the back.
09:49Liam?
09:50Hey, hey, hey.
09:51You okay?
09:52You okay?
09:52I compare aspects of my appearance to others.
09:59Yeah, sometimes.
10:01At times, I think I am no good at all.
10:04Disagree.
10:06I spend more than one hour a day thinking about my appearance.
10:10Disagree.
10:11I replay painful events over and over in my mind until I am overwhelmed.
10:18I strongly disagree.
10:19Sorry, how many more of these are there?
10:22And that was the last?
10:24You okay?
10:27It's clear you found some of those questions distressing.
10:31If there's anything else you need to tell me, if there's anything you want to discuss.
10:40That you'd understand.
10:41Try me.
10:43Look, I see all kinds of patients.
10:46I hear all kinds of stories.
10:48I promise.
10:49I promise.
10:49I won't be shocked.
10:52And I won't judge.
11:00Yeah, maybe I do need to tell someone.
11:03Um...
11:04I can't keep it inside any longer.
11:08In, two, three.
11:23out, two, three. Good. You're safe. No one's coming in here. I'm going to stay with you
11:35as long as you want. Okay. Yeah. Now in a minute, I'm going to ask you to look around
11:45the room and focus on three objects. Then we're going to focus on three sounds. Finally
11:52move three body parts. This is going to help ground you. Okay. Is that, is that, is that
12:00the first one? Right. Well, why don't you just hold on to that. Okay. You focus on her and
12:11just breathe. Good. Just keep breathing. What went on that night, it was horrific.
12:21Um, I've not told anyone. I've just bottled it up. Uh, no one else knows apart from you
12:30and, um, everyone else involved. And how many were involved exactly? Six. Well, I can see
12:38why you're so traumatised. Yeah. The tears, they are, uh, meant to be a release. But this,
12:46it just keeps going round and round. There's never an escape. And every time I look, look
12:52in the mirror, it's just a constant reminder of, of everything that happened. And I just,
12:58I, I need this. Just to go back to the start, this period of bullying. You say it started
13:06at boarding school and it was solely focused on your nose. Yeah. The taunts, they were back
13:12to go every day. Well, it must have been extremely hard. Yeah, it was. My concern is, in many
13:18cases like yours, a patient may have a noticeably unusual appearance. Um, cleft palate, for example,
13:26and conditions that may result in further incidents of bullying. In those cases, surgery can make
13:32a huge difference. And what? Mine won't. Well, in surgical terms, your nose is unremarkable.
13:39I can change its appearance. Well, then let's do it. Yeah, but surgery won't rectify the trauma
13:44you've already suffered. What, and you think I don't already know that? I'm not stupid.
13:47Oh, yeah. Sorry. Um, look, I know you're just trying to be diligent and do your job, but
13:55at least when I look in the mirror, I won't have to be reminded of everything that happened.
14:02I mean, isn't that a good enough reason? I promise I am not some screw-up. I know this
14:08isn't a magic wand. And you're not considering any further procedures?
14:12No, this is just one blot on the landscape, one thing I don't like about myself. I mean,
14:18come on, you must have thousands of patients like me.
14:20I do. It's just important to manage a patient's expectations. In terms of aftercare, you have
14:31family, friends who can take care of you. Yeah, sure. They're amazing. And you will need
14:36to be nilled by mouth for six hours before the procedure. And I suggest leaving early, given
14:41the road works. Does that mean...? Well, good to go. I'll see you tomorrow.
14:46What? What if it's a plant pot? I mean, what sort of a man? What kind of a doctor jumps
14:54out of his skin? One who's been randomly attacked? One who's probably suffering from PTSD? I've seen
15:04some of the hardest nuts in the army reduce to quivering wrecks. All it takes is the sound
15:08of a car backfiring. Sometimes not even that. You, uh, you're better saying Mrs. Reynoldson?
15:14Why don't you let me deal with her? Please. Take five. Get yourself back on track.
15:21Wow. Must have been sub-facial, that. Oh, well, I actually just caught up with Rie. She's
15:29in town. Rie from Capri? You're a poet and you don't know it, Mum. She, uh, she's still
15:36in the repping. Yes, and loving it. She actually wants me to go out and stay with her. That'd
15:43be good. Yes, it would. Which is why I'm flying out there. All right. Flying out when? Tomorrow
15:46lunchtime, so I should probably get packed. Wow, well, that's, uh, that's a bit sudden,
15:53isn't it? It's your dad's birthday tomorrow. We were gonna... You just said it will do me
15:57good. That's not quite what I meant. Yeah, do you think it's a good idea? I mean, do you
15:59really want to be out there on your own right now? Well, I'm not gonna be on my own. I'll
16:00be with Rie. Not if she's working. And what? I'm spilling all our family secrets to the locals. How
16:19many times? Not gonna happen. You were amazing. I don't know what I would have done without
16:26you. No, it was nothing. Well, what I said earlier, if there's anything I can do to make
16:31you reconsider... Mildly cut out for being some glorified receptionist. I quite agree. Which
16:36is why I've offered the position permanently to Claudette. I have to make a few cuts, but
16:43it means that you can get on with the job that you're supposed to do. Please. We need
16:51you. I need you. Not too proud to beg. Let's see how we get on. Is that a guess? For
16:58now. Good man. You won't regret it. I'll catch you later. Don't think this has gone on for
17:04long enough. You're 34 now. You're not a kid. We always knew it was a long shot, Mum.
17:10I'm sorry. That's okay. Did your best. So what did she say? Pretty much everything I expected.
17:17That it's highly unlikely I'll get pregnant and she'd strongly advise against it. Oh, love. Yeah,
17:22but then again, she has to say that. And I know how hard it's gonna be, but even she had
17:26to admit I've got a real chance with IVF and that's all I needed to hear, really. But if
17:30she's saying she'd advise against it, then surely... Look, look, I need to get some more
17:34information and I'll speak to someone who deals with fertility, because, you know, Mampreet's
17:37great and all, but she's not a specialist. And if you hear the same from them? At least
17:41I can make an informed decision. Right. Okay, well, why don't we look for one together and
17:48then we can show charity? Oh yeah, great idea. She's your gran. She needs to know. Yeah,
17:53and sure, she will when I'm ready, but if you bring her into this now, she'll tell me exactly
17:56what I'm thinking before I even know myself. But you can't put off the inevitable. What?
17:59Like you, making up with Mary? Never had you down a zipper grip. Fine. I won't say anything,
18:06for now. Right, go on, get searching. I'll get the drinks in. Oh, I'll, erm, I'll get
18:13Chas. Erm, this party, if you still want me there, I'll be there. Seriously? You don't
18:22know how much that means. But you were so... Yeah, well, sometimes you just need to accept
18:27the facts. Susie didn't want me, so whatever you and her had together is totally relevant.
18:34Nurse. If it's any comfort... No, please, please, I, I don't want to talk about this
18:39anymore and I don't want either of you bringing it up again because it'll just unpick what's
18:43in my mind and I can't go there. So can we just, er, just leave it and move on? An amazing
18:49opportunity like that and you want to turn it down? Well, the surgery's closer to home. And
18:55I'm happy there. Happy? After the way you've been treated? I told you, Liam apologised,
19:00things are going to be different. Well, I think you're mad. But whatever makes you happy,
19:04I guess. Ta. So much for my celebratory roast. I could still come round for dinner.
19:10Six o'clock. Don't be late. Hey, do you, erm, mind if I swing by tomorrow and my clutches
19:25slip in? I'm not surprised why you drive. Hmph. Don't suppose you got through to him?
19:31Nate, I, erm, heard you leave me in the message. Sorry. None of my business. Yeah, you got
19:40that right. Only, er, well, Tracy was kind of at a loss yesterday. I was worried. You know,
19:48I'm not trying to stick my nose in, but I had a friend do this. Just upped and left. Cut
19:53off all of his mates, his mum and dad. Not that they were much cop, but I saw how it destroyed
19:59them. Every day. Wishing, hoping, desperate for that call. Only it never came. Just wouldn't
20:09want the same to happen to Tracy. Well, the night I know wouldn't be this cruel. Only
20:13certain they wouldn't abandon his daughter. But if that's the man he is, we're all better
20:18off without him. Cos I'm dumb. Hey, what's up with that lot? Look, I'm sorry, er, I don't
20:42want me to smother you. I'm overcompensating cos I know I let you down. And, look, I know
20:50that I can trust you not to say anything. I know you're not some little girl. Dad, I
20:57will always be your little girl and you never let me down. If you really want to help, I, er,
21:04don't need that suitcase. Mornings. Er, excuse me, no begging birthday boy. You'll get
21:11your present tomorrow.
21:13Hello? Oh, yeah, hi. Um, yeah, I was just wondering if I could book a consultation. Um, I'm kind
21:37of out of action for the next few weeks, though. Yeah, yeah, sure. It's, er, it's for a brow
21:44lift.