The Three Badasses Who Want Me (2024) - Full Movie
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00:00:00Ellen musk the only woman on the Forbes 30 under 30 list arrives at Atlanta today what a business
00:00:12tycoon is doing here in Georgia a forgotten stage no one knows Angela my next-door neighbor still
00:00:19selling your hippie junk here if your mother-in-law sees she's gonna throw a big fit again
00:00:23your mother-in-law was right about you what's the point of watching the news all day about these
00:00:31moguls if you can't even apply it to your penniless self and how do you know that this is none of my
00:00:36business all right everybody get out we got an important guest coming you
00:00:45you deaf I said pack up and scram I paid this off here already and if you want me to leave then
00:00:55fine but you have to compensate for today's losses you want to say that again you know who's visiting
00:01:04today Ellen freaking musk one of the richest people in the world Ellen musk of course a hick like you
00:01:11probably never heard of her just know that you can't afford to piss her off really Ellen musk is
00:01:19flying all the way to Atlanta just to come to some flea market you don't think that she could be coming
00:01:26to see me coming to see you all right oh you know what I'll play your game if she does it so much as
00:01:35I'll just give you a glance I'll I'll eat dirt deal
00:01:49Ellen musk get to the flea market within 10 minutes or else you're fired
00:02:05prepare the limo miss Lockhart requires us immediately oh your 10 minutes is your messed up good hope you don't wet your pants five
00:02:29four three two one
00:02:38Ellen uh I mean miss musk uh Ellen uh I mean uh I'm sorry that I uh sorry to frighten you
00:02:49what how's my boss bitch kicking ass girlfriend so how do you like she's my boss and I prefer business
00:03:00partner or best friend no way well no no no I'm sorry for defending your boss no I won't do it again
00:03:15all right that's enough we're not tyrants here
00:03:22sir I found Angela Lockhart
00:03:31you mean Angela Lockhart
00:03:38you made me lose one million dollars in just one game of poker who are you
00:03:47where is she atlanta and you were right it was secretly her propping up ellen musk
00:03:55my clever bride I will chase you to the end of the world if I have to
00:03:59bex prep the jet I'm heading to atlanta
00:04:07dr. wilson that means sterling's on the move he's headed to atlanta
00:04:15atlanta the game is afoot I'm going
00:04:18wait dr. wilson the prince of bhutan needs your medical attention
00:04:22wait I need to pick up my bride
00:04:24dr. wilson
00:04:29general eisenhower reporting
00:04:36devin sterling and shane wilson are headed to atlanta
00:04:40atlanta
00:04:41where is that
00:04:44whatever prepare my warplank
00:04:47dosu going after my fiance
00:04:48this is war
00:04:51I've secretly allowed your husband jared cooper to win the bid on the maple
00:05:10plaza project like you asked me to
00:05:12thank you so much ellen this is going to be the best anniversary gift ever
00:05:17that project is worth billions he can finally take his company public
00:05:21but Angela
00:05:23my boss
00:05:25I don't understand why you do so much for him behind the scenes without ever revealing your true identity
00:05:31without your backing
00:05:34no offense but he's nothing without you
00:05:36well three years ago
00:05:39you saved me
00:06:00he saved me and i fell in love with him instantly i didn't want to reveal my true identity because
00:06:10i didn't want him to feel the pressure of being with a billionaire heiress but now with this
00:06:16contract i feel like we'll be on more equal footing and then i can finally come out to the
00:06:21public so that's why you have me secretly helping him i'm sure he'll be moved when he finds out
00:06:30but why work at the flea market are you disguising yourself to test him well these exotic spices are
00:06:39incredibly rare and cost a fortune to find plus i get to make the best dishes for my hubby and his
00:06:45mom you seem happy being a housewife where the hell are you don't tell me you were selling junk at the
00:06:55flea market again get home stacked it's a big day today that was my mother-in-law carol she judges
00:07:06me because she thinks i come from a lower-class family but she's going to be ecstatic tonight
00:07:11when i finally come out and tell her who i really am you know she even remembered our third year
00:07:16anniversary
00:07:17please spend more time with my son
00:07:25hi i'm home
00:07:28i have a big announcement i have to make
00:07:30finally you're back now sign the divorce papers
00:07:34divorce papers
00:07:37is this some sort of misunderstanding mom
00:07:42oh god don't call me mom again we're ending that relationship just look at you dirt all over
00:07:51you're selling the title of mrs cooper you don't deserve my son you're way below his league
00:07:58i'm below his league that's right you are jared is signing a hundred billion dollar contract tomorrow
00:08:06with the ellen musk and then his company's going public that's how much he's accomplished in three
00:08:13years but you you're still just a stinky hippie peddler jared's like the king in the clouds and you
00:08:23you will always just be a pawn like dirt on our shoes dirt on your shoes
00:08:34but ellen musk works for me
00:08:36ha you're delusional you will never upgrade to a queen how dare you compare yourself to the real deal here
00:08:48resorting to lies definitely not good enough for jared
00:08:51and who are you to come into my house and meddle with my family matters
00:08:59you're nothing but a pathetic excuse for a wife
00:09:04jared deserves a queen like kaylee not a low-life dirtbag enough
00:09:11jared i knew you wouldn't divorce me but i am don't fight it angela
00:09:20here's 500k you'll never make this much as a hippie peddler selling spices now sign the papers
00:09:26take your check and leave don't embarrass yourself further
00:09:32i've done so much for you these past three years
00:09:37did that not mean anything to you didn't expect you to be so greedy
00:09:41fine here's another 200 000. 500 000 is too much for her already she's done nothing hasn't even
00:09:52contributed a grandchild she just sells cheap grass all day is that really how much i'm worth to all of
00:09:59you i took care of both of you these past three years you think we can't just hire a maid
00:10:08to cook for us or something and she wouldn't embarrass us with that permanent stench
00:10:13a hippie peddler becoming the wife of a ceo what a joke if you actually love my son you'll sign the
00:10:23damn divorce papers already and leave
00:10:26you really think that jared would have gotten that maple plaza bid without me let alone taking the
00:10:34company public i did everything for you jared now you take credit for my son's success
00:10:46it's all my work baby we're gonna be late for the auction if we keep letting this
00:10:54psycho stall us you did say you would win me princess diana's tiara didn't you so she's the reason
00:11:04for the divorce she's worth more than you angela fine i'll sign it but don't regret it regret
00:11:18i don't know who i am yeah a cockroach that only knows how to crawl her way into a married man's bed
00:11:25i'm eric vanderbilt's only daughter jared winning the bid a maple plaza was because of my dad
00:11:35because he's business partners with ellen musk it's part of the power that i have
00:11:40as an elite you can't do shit because you're poor social stratum matters yeah social stratum does
00:11:51matter and the coopers are beneath me and you really think ellen musk would come to atlanta if it
00:11:59weren't for me ha you're delusional now sign the papers and scram you dirty bitch you sicken me
00:12:14you hit me
00:12:24now sign the papers take your check and get the fuck out
00:12:33i don't need your penny money
00:12:47we're finished you don't want the money that's your loss
00:12:52your check is just pennies to me but i would like my ring back
00:13:03have fun on your economy flight while i catch right on my private helicopter out of here
00:13:17and i'm way out of your league
00:13:24isn't that the winston blue diamond ring it's worth tens of millions of dollars
00:13:31it's probably just cheap glass something she found at the flea market you're right
00:13:38she could never afford anything so expensive
00:13:43congrats jared boo boo on getting rid of that dirt bag oh my dad says there's going to be a secret
00:13:52big shot financial tycoon at tomorrow's summit bigger big shot than ellen musk yeah and nobody's met them
00:14:01but i can introduce you oh everything's thanks to you
00:14:21uh angela mr vanderbilt the richest man in georgia wants to schedule a meeting before the bidding
00:14:27vanderbilt yeah he's actually ceo of one of our companies basically our employee okay i'll meet
00:14:32about the summit tomorrow it's fine well you're still going to the summit tomorrow but you and jared
00:14:37cooper are already divorced that's exactly why i'm going
00:14:56the summit tomorrow
00:15:03angela lockhart i finally found you
00:15:07who who is he that that's devin sterling he's number one on forbes 30 under 30 list and early
00:15:15investor of crypto ceo of sterling enterprises rumor has that he's worth trillions
00:15:20and he's your fiancee what what my fiancee the one and only so after running away and leaving me
00:15:33single for three years have you figured out how you're gonna make it up to me yet babe
00:15:47that tiara looks perfect on you
00:15:50what is she doing here
00:15:59you skank my son just divorced you yesterday and you're already hooking up with another man
00:16:05divorced
00:16:06that's right so i guess this was never meant to be mr sterling
00:16:15devin sterling
00:16:17so she has to hide her marital status to find another man
00:16:20guess she's not just a forsaken woman she's also a stinky penniless whore
00:16:26how dare you insult my boss like that who the fuck are you bitch do you know who i am
00:16:38they don't know who you are you hide it well
00:16:43x team teach these fools a lesson
00:16:48teach these fools a lesson
00:16:49yes sir you were kind of in a rush when you flew to atlanta and then to new york
00:16:58you forgot to bring the security team
00:17:05mind if i borrow your men
00:17:12toss these ill-mannered it out
00:17:14oh you bitch i'll have my son teach you a real lesson
00:17:19a kiss as a uh reward my lady
00:17:29no
00:17:36uh guest list is very distinguished tonight
00:17:40you've got bill ford harvey buffett old money like me
00:17:45gentlemen harvey bill this is jared cooper
00:17:48pleased to meet you all your families all started empires after the industrial revolution what an honor
00:17:54i heard you secured the maple plaza project
00:17:56it's worth billions of dollars
00:17:58congrats you'll be next thank you but we haven't received a contract yet we deserve it
00:18:04hard oh that's nothing i introduced this kid to ellen musk
00:18:07yeah vanderbilts and miss musk have always had a good relationship
00:18:10so i thought i'd help the kid out pull a few strings
00:18:15thank you mr manfield now we just have to impress miss musk's special guest of honor
00:18:20yes i heard they're a very important and powerful guests even wealthier than ellen musk
00:18:28now if we can just secure a position with this big shot we can feast for generations
00:18:35i'll do my best
00:18:44excuse me second children what if it's the prince of bhutan
00:18:48how did hobo like you sneak in here me a hobo how did cheating scumbag like you sneak in here
00:18:59sleep your way in i told you angela lockhart don't bother stalking me nothing will come of it
00:19:04and it only sickens me further don't flatter yourself
00:19:11this is your ex-husband
00:19:14what were you blindfolded when you married him who the hell is this you were cheating on me
00:19:19son you have to avenge me and kaylee that wicked ex-wife of yours hired some thugs and a gigolo to
00:19:39beat us up they even took kaylee's tiara
00:19:55you dare hurt my mom and kaylee
00:20:00get your hands off her
00:20:06my lady
00:20:09my queen
00:20:33it's it's him
00:20:35he scammed a million dollars off me in a game of poker yesterday
00:20:40who are these peasants these seats are reserved for the ellen musk and her special guest
00:20:46oh shut up old man you're disturbing the peace
00:20:53fuckers you know who that is that's eric vanderbilt you have any idea how many generations of wealth he
00:20:59has his ancestors built the railway and steamship empire of america the civil war would not have been
00:21:05won without his family's involvement vanderbilt the father of that skank kaylee vanderbilt
00:21:14who only knows how to crawl her way into a married man's bed
00:21:17oh god damn it it's stomach ache now
00:21:30oh
00:21:34whatever angela can handle herself she'll be fine
00:21:47how dare you call one of us alone i'm harvey effing buffett the most important investor in the entire stock market
00:21:58i can wipe you out with a simple pinky only and i can wipe you out with a strand of my hair
00:22:06not with me around i bill ford and the entire ford auto empire stand with these gentlemen
00:22:14you're all just peasants compared to who i really am
00:22:18you're fucking delusional angela we've had enough of your games security break their limbs and toss them
00:22:26out looks like the old guard is teaming up against you but don't worry you got your money here
00:22:32i can handle myself thank you yes my queen you're all despicable an insult to your family names
00:22:47now it's my turn to rule destroy jared cooper cut off all business ties and if you don't
00:22:57i will take away all of your family's wealth and power i knew it fear to with me you can't fool
00:23:07anyone here how much money did you spend on that get up and to hire that gigolo to make me jealous
00:23:13you're an orphan who sells hippie spices at a flea market you have nothing and you will always be
00:23:20nothing she's a gold digger gold digger jave low want to try me for a night yeah you're a little
00:23:31too pricey mr vanderbilt we really shouldn't keep these bandits here any longer they might upset miss
00:23:36ellen musk and her special guest angela lockhart is my spurned ex-wife she's only here to try and
00:23:40ruin my bill in the maple plaza project oh i'm gonna kill that sushi chef security
00:23:51security you all don't realize that you actually all work for me and now you're trying to throw a
00:23:57coup you insolent fools let me guess you're that special guest i don't know throw them out and not
00:24:10without some broken bones too back down max i got this
00:24:40what the hell are you two doing here i thought we're supposed to guard you no you're supposed
00:24:57to make sure miss lockhart is okay oh my god we're so screwed
00:25:10angela don't hurt her you bitch i've always been sick of you you just threw yourself at me how dare
00:25:18you insult my boss like that boss did she say purple miss musk that's ellen musk that woman right
00:25:26there is angela lockhart my boss and sole heiress to the henry lockhart's fortune their lineage is older
00:25:33than this country itself past the american revolution back to the renaissance if she's your boss then that
00:25:40means angela lockhart is that's lady lockhart to you she's royalty and since you're all subsidiaries
00:25:46she's your boss's boss oh your majesty welcome to the united states uh we've always been your royal
00:25:59subject yes your highness uh is it a queen or princess it doesn't matter oh my queen please forgive our
00:26:09insolence oh yes we didn't mean to offend hey what are you doing idiot let go of the boss lady and beg for
00:26:17forgiveness
00:26:27what rightfully belongs to you
00:26:37she's a badass herself he missed out on a good wife you you you told me your wife was a hippie
00:26:54peddler turns out you were the freeloading scumbag this entire time no no don't believe their lies i
00:26:59worked hard for everything you worked for everything so our third year anniversary is coming up and i
00:27:13thought that maybe we can do something special this year i can't focus on anything trivial like that i
00:27:17have to figure out this bid for the maple closet project and if i get it i can take the company public
00:27:29you were nothing before me all your achievements all your glory that's all mine including the maple
00:27:40plaza contract i can take all of that away just like that no you can't take that away from me that's
00:27:49why ellen musk was urging us to pass on deals to this nobody oh and this antique wedding ring yeah i forgot
00:27:57to tell you it was queen victoria's and its worth is equivalent to more than an entire country's gdp
00:28:09no i gave you back the ring i divorced a royal heiress no no please take me back baby i still love you
00:28:20oh man looks like they've started the party without us no one's allowed to start a fight without cold
00:28:29eisenhower
00:28:36these two again did he say is he cold eisenhower president eisenhower's descendant after general
00:28:43eisenhower won world war ii each of his descendants have all gone on to become five-star generals the
00:28:48highest rank in the nation's military glad you buffoons know your history sorry i'm late babe i
00:28:53got lost trying to find atlanta then lost again on my way back to new york
00:29:02and that there is that is the legendary boy genius dr wilson he's dr house's protege dr house i thought
00:29:11that was just a tv show oh no that's based on real figure yep that's me son james house dr house
00:29:18he's practically my uncle i correctly diagnosed the pope before him when i was just 12 years old
00:29:24so he's been off crying himself a waterfall somewhere in the netherlands for the last
00:29:28fifteen years and i'm late because i ran out of gum and had to make a pit stop
00:29:37hey ellen who are these weirdos and why are they here uh they're all your fiancees
00:29:44what fiancees what fiancees plural fiances plural watch it nerds i'm her fiance no i'm her fiance you can
00:29:57both shut up i'm her fiance it's you it's me who the hell is he i'm spider-man how are all three
00:30:07of these men my fiancee uh your father had arranged these engagements years ago but i didn't tell you
00:30:14because you decided to marry jared cooper at the time she has three badass fiancees and she marries his
00:30:21dumb ass whatever since you're all here help me finish them since you're all here help me finish them
00:30:34at your service me too oh one down two more to go she's become queen bishop to g4
00:30:52ah ah oh what is that the most german festive water in the nile river
00:30:58rock to a8 hello
00:31:11i thought i was king no you wish the king doesn't do anything so ellen can be my king oh fine
00:31:18bankrupt the forwards right this second
00:31:30hank i've been bankrupt no
00:31:35who is
00:31:41i've been bankrupt no
00:31:44i told you i would remove all of you from status and power if you didn't cooperate
00:31:49well guess what game over all right boys let's figure out this four-way engagement oh that's
00:31:56serious business i'm right with you wait for me nobody beats me to the finish line
00:32:12you already have three fiancees you can't accuse me of cheating i want compensation
00:32:25you greedy sob who the is that my ex-husband wait you were married yeah and if that's a problem for
00:32:34you then you can totally back out of this engagement more for me no no of course not just
00:32:40do you want me to check your eyes for you don't steal my joke i can make him disappear without a trace
00:32:46all the evidence of your past with him what is there something on my face uh yeah murderous intent
00:32:55let's remarry let's remarry you still don't realize i only fell in love with you because you saved me from
00:33:04drowning three years ago
00:33:16i don't want to know what's going on
00:33:27i don't want to know what's going on
00:33:31sir it's an emergency we need to wreck right away
00:33:35mccall eisenhower and shane wilson are causing mayhem at the company warehouse
00:33:38okay i'm on my way
00:33:43she should be okay now
00:33:48hey you watch over here i'll be right back
00:33:51you saved me
00:34:01fuck i unwittingly gave away my own wife
00:34:09fuck i unwittingly gave away my own wife
00:34:12you've cheated on me you've hit me and you've insulted me
00:34:17and after all that i never want to see you again
00:34:21i fucking hate you
00:34:24middle lady lockhart
00:34:26what now
00:34:29yes we understand that you are a very busy person but if you're not going to give your ex-husband
00:34:35the maple plaza project
00:34:37how about us three
00:34:38yes unlike that scumbag we won't turn on you
00:34:40yeah no you're all fired for trying to throw a coup
00:34:45but this is your fault you doofus we never should have believed your bulls**
00:34:51no no we can't lose our positions with ellen musk and the lockhart
00:35:00i'll get you for this
00:35:08never should have listened to you
00:35:09i'm ruined because of you
00:35:25so what's the situation here i want to marry you
00:35:28i want to marry you
00:35:38listen i only met you guys a few hours ago and i'm not interested in flash marriages
00:35:47but what if i told you that we've known each other for much longer than just a few hours much longer
00:35:54i want to marry you
00:35:58angela your parents would like to have a video call with all of you
00:36:06my lovely princess how are you look your mother and i are in italy the views here are
00:36:12absolutely stunning perfect for a wedding would you say i i i i heard you finally divorced that good for nothing blood-sucking free little husband of yours
00:36:23i can't call his name but uh anyway congratulations i've selected three prime young men for you to
00:36:32choose from to replace him oh you must pick one of them to marry otherwise
00:36:37let me do it you must choose one of them in seven days otherwise we'll kill ourselves
00:36:46mom all right honey that's it bye bye
00:36:51so we're going to choose
00:36:59well what if i want all three of you well what if i want all three of you that seems greedy
00:37:11but i can always remove the other two options hey i may be a doctor but i can take lives too
00:37:26i know and have access to all the devious poisons in the world whoa okay no murder please i was just kidding
00:37:34we have seven days to win her over oh it's like the bachelorette i know we'll start with challenge one
00:37:47welcome to the show the three badasses who want me today we have our first challenge
00:37:53what is all of this ellen you'll see
00:38:08oh my god oh my god cockroaches all women are afraid of cockroaches and it is every man's job to save
00:38:15their beloved woman from this monstrosity of a creature what will our three candidates do to prove
00:38:21their undying love for our single but screaming her head off heiress
00:38:34looks like one of our contestants has already called it quits it's up to the final two
00:38:51that is sick cold hey when you're stranded in the middle of the battlefield you'll be glad to see
00:39:08one of these around there are two more left want to try one god no no oh my god save save you save me
00:39:21oh my god i'm a german folk doctor these hands can't get germs on them they're for surgery and saving lives
00:39:35oh thank god you're here are you all right honey angela
00:39:54all right you won the first challenge so your reward you get to watch over her for the night just don't
00:40:01cross the line if you know what i mean i'm not her scumbag husband you have nothing to worry about
00:40:11honestly even if you guys it's not like it's against the rules or anything
00:40:14at least my girlfriend gets some i bet her husband does a small dick anyway
00:40:21the cockroaches look off there's nothing in this room except you and me okay
00:40:26i'm going to kill ellen when i see her tomorrow
00:40:34i need a drink
00:40:43whoa easy you're on an empty stomach
00:40:47why do you care you're trying to drink away your sorrows angela
00:40:51you guys are right i was blind for marrying that asshole
00:40:59you know i wasted three whole years of my life with him he never even loved me and i gave up my
00:41:08entire career for him
00:41:13do you really think that you would still be number one on the forbes 30 under 30 list if i was around
00:41:17you may not be number one on forbes list but you know what you're number one in what
00:41:31you're number one here
00:41:38you know we've known each other kind of a long time
00:41:41you know lies
00:41:44you all just want something from me
00:41:52angela
00:41:54i know it's hard to trust again
00:41:57but i assure you i don't care what family you're from
00:42:03i'm the richest man in the nation i don't need your your power your your status your wealth
00:42:09your connections
00:42:12i just need you
00:42:16i'll prove my love to you within six days i promise
00:42:30screw the contest i just want love
00:42:33angela
00:42:37you're drunk i'm an adult can i go just get what she wants
00:42:43okay
00:42:48but love and sex aren't exactly the same thing
00:42:50oh they're not mutually exclusive either
00:43:04this is what you want
00:43:14i know
00:43:32nine inch penis
00:43:33morning to you too
00:43:34too. You sure you were drunk last night? A girl remembers when she's had a nine-inch
00:43:42penis inside of her. Well, glad you enjoyed it. But don't tell Shane or Cole, because
00:43:51then they would... Say that you were being unfair? Technically,
00:43:55us having sex doesn't break any rules. I won the first challenge, and according to Ellen,
00:44:00my prize was to spend a night with you anyways. Don't make this any harder than it already
00:44:06is. Are you sure you don't want it pretty hard? It's not. Fine, fine, fine. I won't tell.
00:44:23But only on one condition. I won't tell. But only on one condition. You have to go out
00:44:30on a date with me. Fine. I've had a crush on you since college, Angela. You never noticed
00:44:44me. Well, uh, you should get dressed and get out of here before anyone sees you. It's
00:44:54only 7am. She's still sleeping. I'm not sleeping alone. Yeah, I'm not letting my fiancé be alone
00:44:59with another man for another second. Morning, gentlemen. Oh, or shall I say Ruffman? Oh, don't
00:45:07mind him. What's up, guys? We're ready for the second challenge. No cockroaches this time.
00:45:16Yes. No more terrifying things. That was my bad, Angela. This better be a good challenge,
00:45:21Ellen. I'm sure you'll all enjoy this one. The second challenge is... The second challenge
00:45:27is... A date. Lame. I should have asked for something else. A date? That's it. What's the catch?
00:45:35No catch. Just who Miss Lockhart enjoys spending her time with the most. As simple as that.
00:45:40I know what I want to do. Let's start with me first. Okay. Pulls up first. Then...
00:45:44Me. Save the best for last. Ain't that right, Angela? Then it's decided.
00:45:53Please don't take my BMW away! Too bad. You pissed off the Lockharts. I have nothing left!
00:46:05It's that bitch who ruined me! It's that bitch who ruined me!
00:46:17It's that bitch who ruined me!
00:46:20You know, Eisenhower, sirs! At ease, Lieutenant! This is my Lieutenant. He also manages this boxing gym.
00:46:32Pleasure to meet you, Madam Eisenhower! He's so serious. But, hang on.
00:46:37Lieutenant! I don't know who I'm going to marry yet!
00:46:40Baby! I decided to take you here on my first date so that I can introduce you to my guns!
00:46:45Guns! Guns? Like murder weapons?
00:46:48Yes. Murder weapons.
00:46:50You like my guns, babe?
00:46:55Pretty rock hard.
00:46:56Yeah.
00:46:57Let me show you what I can do with them. Lieutenant! Come close!
00:47:02Wait! You're just going to hit him like that? He's not even going to fight back?
00:47:03Fighting back will be treason, ma'am!
00:47:04Treason? You guys are way too serious.
00:47:05Look, you rock hard bitch! I caught you!
00:47:06You're just going to hit him like that? He's not even going to fight back?
00:47:07Fighting back will be treason, ma'am!
00:47:08Treason? You guys are way too serious.
00:47:09Look, you rock hard bitch! I caught you! If I'm going down, you're all going down with
00:47:16me! Lieutenant! He's not even going to fight back!
00:47:18You're just going to hit him like that? He's not even going to fight back?
00:47:21Fighting back will be treason, ma'am!
00:47:23Treason? You guys are way too serious.
00:47:25Look, you rock hard bitch! I caught you! If I'm going down, you're all going down with me!
00:47:30Lieutenant! He's your attack!
00:47:49You dare try to hurt my wife? I will make you pay!
00:47:55You don't need to keep beating him up. We could just take him to the car.
00:47:59Not when he tries to hurt you!
00:48:08So he's a bit violent. Some might call it being protective.
00:48:11Poor anger issues. What if we get married and I forget to use a coaster on an antique table or something?
00:48:18Is he going to be, like, rough?
00:48:21Hey, some girls are into that.
00:48:23I don't know if I am.
00:48:26Well, maybe Shane will be your type.
00:48:28Your date with Shane starts now.
00:48:37Hey.
00:48:38Hey.
00:48:39Cool ride.
00:48:40A gift from the Chancellor of Germany when I saved his wife.
00:48:44Impressive.
00:48:45Your breath smells like peppermint.
00:48:51Refreshing.
00:48:52I got cool mint, too.
00:48:54Or do you prefer spearmint?
00:48:57What do you not have in this coat of yours?
00:49:00Fruit flavored gum. I can't stand those.
00:49:03So, where are you taking me tonight?
00:49:06Let me show you.
00:49:15Dr. Wilson!
00:49:16A VIP of VIPs!
00:49:18Right this way.
00:49:19VIP of VIPs?
00:49:20Ah!
00:49:21Just some other guy I saved.
00:49:23I forget who.
00:49:24You saved a lot of football.
00:49:26I'll do what I can.
00:49:27Oh my gosh!
00:49:29It's my goal digging neighbor who just got dumped by her husband.
00:49:34Sandra Miller, what are you doing here? I just thought this was for the VIP of VIPs.
00:49:40Your mother-in-law told me all about the divorce and how you hired some gigolo to beat her and Kaylee Vanderbilt up.
00:49:46How low of you.
00:49:49What are you doing here, Sandra?
00:49:51Of course your bird brain wouldn't remember.
00:49:54I sell high fashion jewelry pieces so high-end, you couldn't even afford even if you sold your organs.
00:50:00The auction begins.
00:50:02I'll deal with you later.
00:50:04Here, I'll just be outside.
00:50:12Cameron, I have a task for you.
00:50:17Our next piece is absolutely extraordinary.
00:50:20Cleopatra's Armband.
00:50:23Sold by our vendor, Sandra Miller.
00:50:26For five million dollars.
00:50:29Excuse me.
00:50:31I'd like to donate this piece to auction.
00:50:33It's Queen Victoria's ring.
00:50:36I'd like to donate this piece to auction.
00:50:39It's Queen Victoria's ring.
00:50:41What are you doing?
00:50:42Just watch.
00:50:44Come on.
00:50:45That is Queen Victoria's ring?
00:50:51Please.
00:50:52I'm an expert and that's a fake.
00:50:54She probably got it at the flea market she works at.
00:50:57You work at a flea market?
00:50:59Not this again.
00:51:00Cut the bullshit.
00:51:01That wouldn't even sell for five dollars.
00:51:03Oh yeah?
00:51:04Here, you want it?
00:51:05For free.
00:51:06Ew.
00:51:07I don't want that trash from a stinky hippie peddler.
00:51:11Well, that's too bad then.
00:51:13Because you are the fraud.
00:51:16What are you talking about?
00:51:18Who the hell are you to accuse me?
00:51:20Throw them out!
00:51:22Dr. Wilson, I know you're a legend in medicine.
00:51:25But we're professionals.
00:51:27Oh yeah?
00:51:28And that armband sells for five million dollars?
00:51:32Yeah.
00:51:33Mine is the real thing.
00:51:34You two are just upset because you're too poor to afford our luxury items.
00:51:40What is that so?
00:51:41When a so-called expert fell to recognize Queen Victoria's ring then?
00:51:46Dear Lord.
00:51:48This is real.
00:51:50It's authentic.
00:51:51It's Queen Victoria's ring.
00:51:57Cameron, what have you found?
00:52:00Yeah, that picture of Cleopatra's armband you sent me?
00:52:02It's a replica.
00:52:05They have the same one right here at the flea market.
00:52:08So, you are the fraud.
00:52:12You just went to the flea market so you can buy some fakes.
00:52:16And Cameron, how much are these fakes being sold for?
00:52:19One fifty.
00:52:21Wow.
00:52:22Not even five dollars.
00:52:24Sandra.
00:52:25You've been duping us the whole time?
00:52:28Arrest her!
00:52:30No!
00:52:31Please!
00:52:32It was just one time!
00:52:33Please!
00:52:34What's going on, Dr. Wilson?
00:52:36Uh, investigating lead poisoning from cheap jewelry for the emperor of Japan.
00:52:40Bye.
00:52:41Black Calista from the jewelry industry forever.
00:52:43I had a really great time tonight.
00:52:55Me too.
00:52:57May I have a kiss?
00:52:58Kiss.
00:53:13Something wrong?
00:53:15Do you always have gum in your mouth?
00:53:17You never have to worry about stinky breath for me.
00:53:21Huh.
00:53:23You owe us a bunch of money, Cooper.
00:53:26I don't have any money.
00:53:27Oh you owe us a bunch of money Cooper I don't have any money how did you pay for this hotel
00:53:43I guess you'll only pay up if I break your other way
00:53:51mr. Vanderbilt mr. Buffett this is the contract for the maple plaza project
00:54:07that's right miss musk wanted me to give it to you knew Angela was still in love with me I knew
00:54:14Angela was still in love with me no no sorry about those injuries from earlier it was all just
00:54:20yeah we could be partners again and then maybe you can tell lady Lockhart put in a good word for us
00:54:30Angela still loves me she's just throwing a fit she'll be back to me soon enough yeah do you need
00:54:37any help winning her back we can give you jewelry to give to her I was just sucking up to these pricks
00:54:43a few days ago and now they're all begging me to help them out it feels so damn good to be in power
00:54:48sure I'll put in a good word for you I just need anything you tell us we'll give you anything
00:54:57once I take everything from these idiots I'll go after Angela Lockhart for my revenge
00:55:04I'm giving a contract to Jericho just like you asked me to well done he'll be fucked soon
00:55:15well done he'll be fucked soon I don't get it miss musk my contract has a preliminary clause
00:55:23requires him to pay 50% of the costs up front as a deposit and if you can't then what
00:55:28they'll be bankrupt so as long as his greedy have to take it I'm avenging my best friend I want to show
00:55:37the world that without Angela Lockhart he's nothing
00:55:39I signed the maple plaza project we should celebrate you did you see I know my son has it in him
00:55:54that skank Angela is nothing next to you and it's all thanks to you sweetheart
00:56:00actually it's thanks to Angela what you're trying to ditch me to go back to your wife
00:56:10oh no no no he's not Jared what are you doing you have such a beautiful and bright future ahead of you
00:56:17it's my decision mom I'm the head of the house here I'm telling my dad fine go right ahead he has
00:56:25enough problems himself if you're obedient I'll keep you around as a side piece but if not you can
00:56:30scram dad Jared is being mean to me teach him a lesson Kaylee be a good girl okay Jared has the
00:56:39backing of some very powerful people now don't get on his bad side we can't afford to piss him off
00:56:46so do as he says
00:56:48what dad
00:56:49I'm sorry I'll be your side piece very good I'm happy you've come around now let's go celebrate
00:57:03I mean do I really want to be with Mr. Minty Mouth forever though but that tongue action though
00:57:13tongue is important in more than just one spot
00:57:16Ellen we are in public it's true oh stomachache again I have to run to the bathroom Devin should
00:57:24be here to pick you up soon okay Devin's late not a good sign for a date
00:57:31this hotel restaurant has five Michelin stars it's her and she's alone with no one to save her
00:57:42you whore you seduced my son so he could get back with you
00:57:48let me tell you I would never go back even if your entire family got down on their knees and begged
00:57:58me oh hey you guys can fight all you want you need to take this somewhere else
00:58:05whoever gets rid of her for me gets all this what why do I have to leave she's the one starting shit
00:58:11because I have money and you don't you're just a stinky hippie peddler and my son just signed a
00:58:17$100 billion contract he still got the contract hmm must be Ellen's doing even if he does sign it he
00:58:27doesn't have liquidity to pay the deposit up front oh he's just gonna bet you've never seen this much
00:58:33cash before bet you've never seen this much cash before you take my charity and toss it in my face as
00:58:43as if it's your own my maid wouldn't even pick up such a pitiful amount $1,000 to take her away
00:58:50$2,000 to drag her away $5,000 to beat her away
00:58:57oh hey hey
00:59:01stop
00:59:03you okay are you hurt
00:59:07weakling
00:59:12you you just a few days ago you found yourself a boy toy right after getting divorced
00:59:18and now you have two more what a whore
00:59:21what a whore yeah and Jared wanted to get back with her what if she has an STD
00:59:27oh like sleeping with a married man wouldn't give you an STD
00:59:31let's go we'll expose her to Jared
00:59:35hang on
00:59:37what do you want
00:59:38I'll scream
00:59:39I don't hear a woman
00:59:41but I never said I don't kill
00:59:43but I never said I don't kill
00:59:47I said I don't kill
00:59:48oh god
00:59:51he is a murderer
00:59:52what if he murders me
00:59:54not him
00:59:55definitely not him
00:59:56we're not afraid of you
01:00:02that's enough
01:00:03this isn't a war zone
01:00:04you'll be removed from being a five star general
01:00:07if you hurt a civilian without adequate cause
01:00:09I was just messing with them
01:00:11was he though
01:00:13we're not afraid of you
01:00:14Jared
01:00:16you have to avenge us
01:00:18look at this slut
01:00:19she's found two more boy toys
01:00:21she's cheating on you
01:00:22don't get back with her
01:00:23oh Mr. Cooper it's you
01:00:24I apologize for this scene
01:00:26I'll toss out the potty crashes
01:00:28immediately so that you can go to his salvation banquet
01:00:31who did you say you were gonna toss out
01:00:33who did you say you were gonna toss out
01:00:35to the potty crashes
01:00:36oh
01:00:37you have any idea who that is
01:00:41that's my wife
01:00:42please save that title for the real skank over there
01:00:46that's right
01:00:47know your place
01:00:48shut up
01:00:48she's cheating on you
01:00:50know your place
01:00:53you're just a side piece
01:00:55if I still want you that is
01:00:56Eric
01:00:57have you gone mad
01:00:58this is Eric Vanderbilt's only daughter
01:01:01you slap her for this whore
01:01:02mom
01:01:03they really think there's something huh
01:01:05Angela's an heiress to a family
01:01:07whose wealth and status goes back to the victorian age
01:01:10she's richer even than Ellen Musk
01:01:13I only got the maple closet project
01:01:15because she gave it to me
01:01:17what
01:01:18you apologize right now
01:01:21or I will kick you and your father to the curb
01:01:23I'm sorry
01:01:30no
01:01:31this can't be
01:01:34I made you
01:01:35divorce
01:01:36go home
01:01:40you're not suited to come with me to my celebration banquet
01:01:43I apologize on behalf of my mother
01:01:50honey I know you came here to celebrate my achievements
01:01:55I promise no one will bother you anymore
01:01:57I didn't come here for you
01:02:00I'm on a date
01:02:02a date with two men at the same time
01:02:06she really is a whore
01:02:08and now please forgive me
01:02:09I really do love you
01:02:11oh ho
01:02:14lady knockart is here
01:02:16oh ho
01:02:18lady knockart is here
01:02:21I too
01:02:22yeah yeah we already know you beat Ford's effort
01:02:25we're too old for that
01:02:27they're here for my celebration banquet
01:02:29please you gave me the contract
01:02:31so if anyone should go
01:02:33as my guest of honor it should be you
01:02:35oh yes please miss logart
01:02:37join us
01:02:38we'll all be one happy business family again
01:02:41what the hell are you all doing here
01:02:44where were you
01:02:45stomach issues
01:02:47again would you like my diagnosis
01:02:50no
01:02:51let me make myself clear
01:02:54okay
01:02:55I would rather die
01:02:58than be with you again
01:02:59seems that they're not actually on good terms
01:03:03I can't lose face in front of these pricks
01:03:06otherwise they'll cut me off too
01:03:08Angela I know you're still mad
01:03:09but please give me a chance
01:03:10I'll prove it to you
01:03:12you want a chance
01:03:13Angela no
01:03:15you have three great guys here who all want to marry you
01:03:18don't take him back
01:03:19I'll give you two choices
01:03:22I'll give you two choices
01:03:25me
01:03:28or the contract
01:03:30you're kidding me
01:03:32no
01:03:33I'm not kidding you
01:03:34if you choose me
01:03:36we can remarry this week
01:03:39but
01:03:40you don't get the hundred billion dollar contract
01:03:42the choice is all yours
01:03:44that's a tough
01:03:46you think so
01:03:48he either marries a royal heiress
01:03:50or gets a contract that takes his company to the moon
01:03:52either way benefits
01:03:53why can't I have both
01:03:56you really are a greedy bastard
01:03:58Angela I saved you in the pool remember
01:04:01I deserve the contract
01:04:03did you really
01:04:04look who's fashionably late now
01:04:10he didn't save her at the pool
01:04:13wait what what are you talking about
01:04:16I uh I choose the contract
01:04:19I knew it
01:04:20you'll get what's coming to you
01:04:22with this contract
01:04:24my company's earning potential is limitless
01:04:27Angela Lockhart
01:04:28you humiliated me in front of everyone
01:04:30I will get you one day
01:04:32let me show you something
01:04:34you saved me
01:04:47you saved me
01:04:53I'm sorry
01:04:55if his lies led to you wasting three years of your life
01:04:59but I promise you
01:05:01I'm gonna make it up to you with the rest of our lives
01:05:05no no I wasn't lying
01:05:07I just couldn't get remember exactly what happened that day
01:05:11does that mean
01:05:19we both each saved her once
01:05:21what?
01:05:22me?
01:05:23Dr. Wilson?
01:05:25losing at saving people?
01:05:27no way
01:05:28you guys
01:05:29one of you
01:05:30do something life-threatening right now
01:05:32you're crazy
01:05:33and actually
01:05:35they've all been doing horrible shit behind your back
01:05:39what?
01:05:42Mr. Sterling had me investigate their company's dealings
01:05:45turns out they've been fudging the numbers on your shared accounts and contracts
01:05:48put it simply
01:05:50they've been stealing from you
01:05:52I can't believe I didn't realize
01:05:54Ms. Lockhart
01:05:56I'm so sorry
01:05:57I should have had third party accountants check thoroughly
01:06:00no it's not your fault
01:06:01they're just
01:06:02too slick
01:06:03you'd like me to punish them for
01:06:05oh god
01:06:05no
01:06:06not that again
01:06:07please
01:06:07Max
01:06:09you know what to do
01:06:11the banks have pulled all of our funds
01:06:26all business ties have been severed
01:06:28we're bankrupt
01:06:29bankroll
01:06:30oh god
01:06:31no
01:06:31no
01:06:32no
01:06:33no
01:06:33no
01:06:33how did you do that?
01:06:36who are you?
01:06:37and
01:06:37don't say spider-man
01:06:39I'll tell you who I am
01:06:43I'll tell you who I am
01:06:46I am Crypto-Punk number two.
01:06:52What did he say he was?
01:06:53That's more bizarre than Spider-Man.
01:06:56You're Crypto-Punk number two?
01:06:59Well, I'm Crypto-Punk number one.
01:07:02See, you are number one at something.
01:07:04The most expensive NFT collection in the world.
01:07:07Forget Forbes' list.
01:07:09It's all about young money now.
01:07:11So, how about our date?
01:07:16I'm not letting them one-up me on this one.
01:07:21I'll spy too.
01:07:35They forgot to cancel my contract.
01:07:38I still have the $100 billion project.
01:07:41Yes! I'm rich!
01:07:44They make them all pay soon!
01:07:53What?
01:07:54Mr. Cooper, sir.
01:07:55The Maple Plaza contract requires us to provide 50% of the costs up front.
01:07:59Otherwise, it's a breach of contract and we'll have to pay for all financial repercussions.
01:08:04What?
01:08:05No!
01:08:06I'm bankrupt!
01:08:07I'm just a little Lockhart.
01:08:08You tricked me!
01:08:09Oh, allow me.
01:08:10I'm sorry I was late, my queen.
01:08:11I had to get some very important materials for our special date.
01:08:13Well, cheers.
01:08:14Cheers.
01:08:15Cheers.
01:08:16This looks good.
01:08:17This looks good.
01:08:18Did you use my spices?
01:08:19Did you use my spices?
01:08:20I'm sorry.
01:08:21I'm sorry I was late, my queen.
01:08:22I had to get some very important materials for our special date.
01:08:27For our special date.
01:08:28Well, cheers.
01:08:29Cheers.
01:08:30This looks good.
01:08:31Did you use my spices?
01:08:32I know your ex-in-law has never appreciated you.
01:08:39You can have all the money and power in the world and you still can't force a man to love
01:08:58you.
01:08:59I couldn't even remember our anniversary.
01:09:06Angel, your future with me is going to be different.
01:09:15Come on.
01:09:16Go upstairs.
01:09:18Okay.
01:09:19Okay.
01:09:20Okay.
01:09:21Okay.
01:09:22Okay.
01:09:23Okay.
01:09:24Okay.
01:09:25Okay.
01:09:26Okay.
01:09:27Okay.
01:09:28Okay.
01:09:29Okay.
01:09:30Okay.
01:09:31Okay.
01:09:32Okay.
01:09:33Okay.
01:09:34Okay.
01:09:35Okay.
01:09:36Okay.
01:09:37Okay.
01:09:38Wow.
01:09:39Devin, I can't believe this is what I've been missing out on these past few years.
01:09:43Just because of some silly mistake.
01:09:46Angela, I've known and loved you for three whole years.
01:09:50Actually, I've also loved you for three years.
01:09:54That's right.
01:09:55I fell in love with you three years ago too.
01:09:58How is all of this possible?
01:10:01I didn't meet any of you until recently.
01:10:04Well, actually, maybe Devin, but...
01:10:08I've had a crush on you since college.
01:10:11You're my motivation to go to business school.
01:10:14Despite who you were, you never judge me for being poor.
01:10:21Are you trying to get higher at Fortune 500 in a suit like that?
01:10:28All you do is babble on and on about internet money, Bitcoin and shit like that.
01:10:37Are you trying to steal my spot?
01:10:41I'll teach you a lesson.
01:10:45Hey!
01:10:46Get away from me!
01:10:47Angela!
01:10:50Feisty girl.
01:10:51I like her.
01:11:03How is he?
01:11:04It's a rare poison.
01:11:05Made from a mixture of dried roots found in Africa.
01:11:08Ashtaga, salt teeth.
01:11:09Can it be cured?
01:11:10I actually think I know that poison.
01:11:13It sounds really scary, but its cure can actually be found in any developed country.
01:11:17Household salt.
01:11:18I like her.
01:11:27There you go.
01:11:29What time is it?
01:11:31Oh, shoot.
01:11:32I'm late for swim practice.
01:11:34I like her.
01:11:35We have been rivals ever since.
01:11:36So, that's how I, well, we all met.
01:11:37I barely remember.
01:11:38Should have never let you go to swim practice that day.
01:11:39Matthew Richards, the guy who poisoned me, attacked you out of revenge.
01:11:40You wouldn't have known.
01:11:41I did hear he dropped out and became a Lone Shark though.
01:11:42That makes you feel any better.
01:11:43Yeah, I think that suits him a little better.
01:11:44Yeah.
01:11:45Angela, you're earning a lot of pain.
01:11:48I knew that, and I still never saw him.
01:11:49I'm going to go back and see him down.
01:11:50You know?
01:11:51I know.
01:11:52I just met.
01:11:53You know, I don't like it.
01:11:54It's the only way.
01:11:55You go to swim practice that day.
01:11:58Matthew Richards, the guy who poisoned me,
01:12:01attacked you out of revenge.
01:12:02You wouldn't have known.
01:12:04I did hear he dropped out and became a loan shark, though.
01:12:06That makes you feel any better.
01:12:08Yeah, I think that suits him a little better.
01:12:11Angela, your seven days is almost up.
01:12:13Now that you know they all loved and fought for you
01:12:16for three years, who will you pick?
01:12:19How couldn't that be?
01:12:25Angela Lockhart is an heiress?
01:12:32Kaylee, we've gone bankrupt.
01:12:36Bankrupt?
01:12:38The Vanderbilt's have gone bankrupt?
01:12:41Well then, get out of here.
01:12:44You can't do this to me.
01:12:45Jared!
01:12:48Mom, it's me.
01:12:50What happened?
01:12:52Jared, I have carefully reconsidered.
01:12:55Angela is way better than this dimwit.
01:12:57You should get back with your wife.
01:13:00We're bankrupt.
01:13:01What?
01:13:05Jared Cooper.
01:13:08We are here to propose your belongings.
01:13:12No one is going to save you now.
01:13:15What?
01:13:16Oh!
01:13:17Oh!
01:13:18Oh!
01:13:19What kind of an asshole throws his own mother to the dogs?
01:13:25Who will you pick?
01:13:29I...
01:13:35I brought you fried chicken.
01:13:36Fried chicken?
01:13:37Hey, not all girls like sushi and caviar.
01:13:40Yeah, he's right.
01:13:41I did live in Atlanta for three months.
01:13:43Sucking up last minute.
01:13:44At least I don't speak like an AI robot.
01:13:47Hey!
01:13:48Stop!
01:13:49Stop!
01:13:50Welcome back to The Bachelorette.
01:13:53I mean, the three badasses who want me.
01:13:56I mean, Angela Lockhart...
01:13:59You know what I mean.
01:14:01Today, our heiress Bachelorette will choose which one of our three badasses will she marry.
01:14:08Will it be Shane, the doctor?
01:14:13Cole, the general?
01:14:17Or Devon, the CEO?
01:14:19Uh, looks like our Bachelorette may need a little more time to decide.
01:14:26Oh, the suspense is killing me!
01:14:28But when she does, she will take this eternal rose made from glass imported from Venice and give it to our winner.
01:14:37Angela?
01:14:38Angela?
01:14:39Angela?
01:14:40Oh.
01:14:41I, uh...
01:14:42I need more time to think.
01:14:44Uh, while our Bachelorette takes a little time to decide, why don't we check in with each of our candidates?
01:14:58Let's check in with each of our candidates.
01:15:01Let's start with Cole.
01:15:03Cole.
01:15:07There's not much to say.
01:15:09Who wouldn't want a five-star general who has huge biceps, a massive chest, who would protect their wife?
01:15:20Okay.
01:15:22Uh, Shane?
01:15:24Muscles, money, they'll only get you so far.
01:15:30But you need a well-balanced man like me, that has more than one way to keep a lady happy, if you know what I mean.
01:15:39Okay.
01:15:40I think we do.
01:15:41And Devon?
01:15:44That was quite disgusting.
01:15:48I just hope Angela's okay.
01:15:50I know she's going under a lot of stress right now.
01:15:53A lot of choices to make.
01:15:55And she's my queen.
01:15:57I just really hope she's okay.
01:15:59And then one more thing.
01:16:01What kind of a doctor brings fried chicken to a girl?
01:16:06That's a good point.
01:16:07It's bad for her heart.
01:16:10And then you!
01:16:11What?
01:16:12You know what they say about military men.
01:16:15They beat their wives.
01:16:21Enough!
01:16:23Stand up!
01:16:26Hey, you guys.
01:16:28Whoa!
01:16:29Break it up!
01:16:30Hey!
01:16:31Break it up!
01:16:33Oh!
01:16:37Cut to commercial!
01:16:38Cut to commercial!
01:16:39This is the hardest decision I've ever had to make in my entire life.
01:17:02Who do I choose?
01:17:10Angela's marrying me.
01:17:12You're not stealing her from me.
01:17:14Oh yeah?
01:17:16I may be a doctor, but like I said, I know and possess the deadliest poisons in the world.
01:17:24What don't you have in that code?
01:17:26Fruit flavored gum.
01:17:27I won't let you take Angela away from me.
01:17:29I'll fight you to the death.
01:17:31Don't forget about me.
01:17:33It's time I reveal my true identity.
01:17:36It's time I reveal my true identity.
01:17:39These stupid profile cards don't make any sense.
01:17:42They do not.
01:17:43They do not help.
01:17:44Who made these?
01:17:45It's time I reveal my true identity.
01:17:53I'm actually a part of the X-Men.
01:17:57And I have the power of telegonesism!
01:18:00Teleganesis!
01:18:02Oh!
01:18:04It's time I reveal my true identity.
01:18:09I'm actually a part of the X-Men.
01:18:12And I have the power of telegonesism!
01:18:15We may have to work together to take him down.
01:18:32This battle within our heads is the most intense I've ever experienced.
01:18:47I may not be able to take them both down if they decide to team up.
01:18:52Winterman or Coolman?
01:18:58You know, I've always really liked your hair.
01:19:02Really?
01:19:03I'm actually pretty self-conscious about it.
01:19:07So I appreciate that.
01:19:09Hey, hey, hey.
01:19:10And you know, Coolman, I've always really liked the way you talk.
01:19:15Really?
01:19:16Yeah.
01:19:20What do you got for me?
01:19:21I've always really liked the way you chew gum.
01:19:25Yeah?
01:19:26Yeah.
01:19:27Yeah?
01:19:28Yeah?
01:19:29Yeah?
01:19:30Yeah?
01:19:31You know, you're actually a really good doctor.
01:19:33Hey, I appreciate it.
01:19:34Hey, you need me to look at you?
01:19:36I got you.
01:19:37Hey, me too.
01:19:38Yeah, cool.
01:19:39Angela's been kidnapped.
01:19:40Angela's been kidnapped.
01:19:42It was Sharon Cooper.
01:19:44That fucker!
01:19:46We have to find her.
01:19:47What the hell?
01:19:48Her ring.
01:19:49Her dad installed a GPS tracking mechanism on her ring just in case.
01:19:52Well, let's go then.
01:19:53My fiance!
01:19:54My fiance!
01:19:55My fiance!
01:19:56My fiance!
01:20:02Jared.
01:20:06What am I doing here?
01:20:08You destroyed me.
01:20:12They took everything.
01:20:15What?
01:20:16I have nothing left.
01:20:18It's not my fault.
01:20:19You're too greedy.
01:20:21Is it greedy?
01:20:22To have sex with my wife?
01:20:25What?
01:20:26I'm not your wife anymore!
01:20:27Oh yeah, I know.
01:20:28You wouldn't take me back now.
01:20:29Not unless I get you pregnant with my child.
01:20:31This is illegal!
01:20:32You wouldn't want your child to be away from its father.
01:20:35You won't have me arrested.
01:20:37You will take me back.
01:20:40Ow!
01:20:41You're my bitch.
01:20:44I'll settle you down a little.
01:20:46You will be begging me to fuck you soon.
01:20:59Hey!
01:21:01Angela!
01:21:02Come in!
01:21:06You're too late!
01:21:07I drugged her.
01:21:08She'll be dead soon unless...
01:21:09Oh yeah?
01:21:10Have you forgotten who I am?
01:21:13He really does have everything in us, Coach.
01:21:15Everything except for fruit.
01:21:16Yeah, except for fruit-flavored gum.
01:21:17Get it already!
01:21:18Just save my boss!
01:21:21Here we go.
01:21:27You're all good now.
01:21:29Oh, thank God.
01:21:31But what do we do with that piece of shit?
01:21:33What?
01:21:34What are you gonna do to me?
01:21:36Hey, stop!
01:21:37No!
01:21:39Enjoy your erectile dysfunction forever.
01:21:42No!
01:21:44No!
01:21:45No!
01:21:47Glad we didn't actually have that fight.
01:21:49Turns out he's the most dangerous of them all.
01:21:57So who did you pick, sweetheart?
01:21:59You've invited the most important figures of the world to your wedding?
01:22:02The Prince of Bhutan?
01:22:04And remember, we will kill ourselves if you don't choose.
01:22:13Welcome back to the finale of The Three Badasses Who Want Me.
01:22:17We're down to the wire.
01:22:18Literally, the wedding day.
01:22:21But who's the groom?
01:22:22Uh, seems our era still hasn't decided.
01:22:29Any input from the parents?
01:22:31Welcome back to the finale of The Three Badasses Who Want Me.
01:22:39But who's the groom?
01:22:43Uh, seems our era still hasn't decided.
01:22:47Any input from the parents?
01:22:50Maybe that will help sway our bachelorette's choice.
01:22:53This is exciting.
01:22:55Who should my daughter pick?
01:22:58Let me think.
01:23:01I like the doctor. He's cute.
01:23:06But the general looks like a strong fellow.
01:23:11And we can't forget about Devin Sterling, the one who's loved her the longest. Isn't that right, Devin?
01:23:16Angela.
01:23:17You are all three very fine gentlemen, and I'm really grateful for all of your love.
01:23:32But this was a really hard decision, and I decided to devise one last challenge.
01:23:41And I decided to devise one last challenge.
01:23:46I'm just kidding. I'm just as sick of this as you guys are.
01:23:56Each of our candidates have saved our main character.
01:24:01I mean bachelorette once.
01:24:03They've all proven their undying love.
01:24:05So who gets to unlock Angela Lockhart's heart?
01:24:09Literally.
01:24:11Could it be the sexy and protective, general with a temper, Mr. Cole Eisenhower?
01:24:18Or the fun, wicked-minded, but kind of weird, Dr. Shane Wilson?
01:24:33And last but not least, could it be the richest man of them all?
01:24:38The man Angela would have married a long time ago, Mr. Devin Sterling.
01:24:42Gentlemen, it's been a pleasure getting to know you.
01:24:49All right, guys.
01:24:50May the best man win.
01:24:52May the best man win.
01:24:55Drum roll, please.
01:25:10Seriously, Ricky?
01:25:12I choose...
01:25:19I need the power of a strong man, and I really feel like he can protect me.
01:25:35Who could resist those guns?
01:25:39Would I interest you in an NFD, Ellen?
01:25:42Would you like a full-body chip-o?
01:25:52Shane, it's you.
01:25:59I'm lovesick for you.
01:26:01You like that minty flavor, don't you?
01:26:02It's that tongue action, ladies and gents.
01:26:08Ellen, be my new queen.
01:26:09I hope we can go together.
01:26:11Like girls, babe?
01:26:24It's always been you.
01:26:32I'll always love you.
01:26:38Let's give it up for those nine inches, everybody.
01:26:42Would you like a full body check-up?
01:26:44Have you seen my murder in weapons?
01:26:45I need fruit-flavored gum for you.