Dave & Chuck the Freak talk about an e-mail from a listener who saw a post online about a woman's boyfriend doing something sneaky with a stick of butter. We try to figure out what he could be up to and discuss using butter in strange ways.
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00:00okay here's a big um question what's he doing with the butter okay a listener passed on this
00:16uh email that a lady posted online she says i've been dating my boyfriend for two years and we
00:23finally moved in together ever since we moved in i've seen a new side of him it's a very odd side
00:29that i can't wrap my head around at first i started to notice butter was disappearing quickly
00:36i just assumed i lost track of how much we had or maybe he was cooking when i wasn't around i don't
00:41know but one night a few weeks ago i saw him stealthily take a stick of butter from the fridge
00:48which i pretended not to notice but then he took the butter with him into the bathroom
00:53now i have noticed my boyfriend spending an hour or more of time in the bathroom since we moved in
01:00but i never saw him take butter before i was so confused when he came out of the bathroom about
01:06an hour later no sign of the butter but i also saw he did not put any butter back in the fridge
01:12it was gone this is our second yeah we had within the past couple months we had a butter thing
01:19same thing kind of deal yeah we had another butter thing well that was a um a kid using his room right
01:26right don't we think it's just the same butter use stuff why don't you just ask him what are you doing
01:32with the like she said i tried to subtly keep an eye on him for over a week and he did this three
01:38separate times and each time a stick of butter disappeared finally i did say one day where did
01:43all our butter go i didn't use any this week and it's gone he pretended not to know and said maybe
01:49we forgot to buy it why don't you just say i saw you bring the butter in the bathroom like i don't
01:53know why people aren't more direct i am i saw what i would say what are you hey what are you doing
01:59with the butter in the bathroom i'm masturbating why i don't know why are you doing that right now
02:05he moved in together you have to go in the what are you how old are you why are you doing this
02:10i think i know what he's doing with it what which is terrible why is he my idea that he's doing with
02:17it is that he's he's into butt stuff oh no and he's using the butter as like a trial because it
02:23melts and nothing gets stuck and he won't oh my god green bean so he's it's firm at first
02:30and then it's not so firm it's not and then he can just poop it out are you putting the butter up
02:36your butt yes lisa yes i am why why not that's weird i think we have to go find a place to live
02:45i've got a couple ideas for later what i've got some buttery ideas i needed that butter for baking
02:51are you putting the butter up you can still use it you can still use it it's sort of fine
02:56oh my god certified oh my god i don't think that's healthy give me a minute it's going
03:02around already i'm gonna squeeze it out oh yeah i mean that's the only explanation i mean wow yeah
03:07i don't know you're not gonna like masturbate with with a with a stick of butter and don't you find
03:13the wrapper in the in the trash somewhere he probably flushes it i don't know why she wasn't
03:18more direct with her initial question well she said finally so twice more it happened finally she
03:23came out and said hey i've seen you taking butter in the bathroom she said he got all flustered and
03:29said you're you must be mistaken oh no but i said i literally have seen you do it and come out without
03:35it why is he lying then he started apologizing for misleading me but then said could we not talk
03:41about this no and when he saw i was getting mad he said what if i just order my own private butter
03:47what are you doing with it dude you have to tell somebody he said i was like okay what are you doing
03:54with the butter he asked me to promise to never ask him about the butter again and just put it
03:59behind us he said please just look the other way on this thing and stress how at the end of the day
04:04it's not a big deal he's he's banging it he's it's anal butter it's gotta be anal butter it is like
04:11why are you this defensive she says i don't think he's eating it because he's not a big guy at all
04:16eating it who goes eat butter in the bathroom that's even weirder to me than putting it up
04:23your ass for some reason someone that's listening to the bathroom to eat a stick of butter i mean
04:28that's weird what do you mean you're eating it why are you putting up your butt yeah at least
04:34putting up your ass for god's sakes like a normal person it's crazy that he's reacting like she
04:40stumbled across like a cia operation he's like walk away yeah walk away
04:45pretend like you haven't seen anything everything you saw there will be butter in the fridge
04:52don't go there that's my private butter you can't handle the truth i don't think she can i don't
04:58think she can i don't think she can but she knows the truth yeah i don't think she does a red flag why
05:04are you of course it is like how long have they lived together uh what did she say dating for two
05:10years finally moved in together two years two two years is long enough wasted you didn't know about
05:17the butter you're connected to a butter butt he's definitely i think you i don't know there's only
05:24really one way to tell she says am i just going for it who is this guy slippery yeah who is this guy
05:30am i overreacting no you're not it's just so odd to see him in a different light and i'm not sure
05:35what to do should i just ignore this like he wants me to this is why you move him before you get
05:40married so it's good you did hold on you know old butter ass yeah what what if he's got like a
05:46constipation thing going on and that loosens it that's not the answer parts of it and and shoving it up
05:54there's so many things that can be done so it moves yeah moves through and he's like don't ask me
06:00wouldn't he just get like a like an enema or something exactly you think you would i don't
06:05know what he's doing though and the thing is he's so weird now that i don't know how you stay with this
06:11guy old butter butt just just once you're busted dude you just say hey listen you know what like
06:16if i'm with someone for two years they're gonna find out if i bang butter yeah i'm letting them know
06:22okay i'm gonna be like hey man i put butter in my ass it's just wild to me like she's kind of like
06:27being cool with it a little bit it seems like like well she's in that weird spot of i've just
06:33wasted two years of my life with this person that does a mystery thing with butter and has said just
06:39don't ask me about it let's not go there yeah walk away it's weird man it is weird someone said um
06:48she should give him oral and slip a finger back that's what i was saying you go yeah you check the
06:53oil and if it's real greasy back there anal butter she's like aha
06:57that's butter
07:01that's disgusting that's parquet
07:04there's a whole reddit thread about it too so people do it
07:09really thing anal butter yeah yeah i knew it
07:12what yeah first time i've ever heard about this like sometimes i hear stuff like this and i'm like
07:18man it's just hilarious that's why i know it's a simulation i'm gonna die alone i don't put butter
07:21in my ass no the guy with butter in his ass he's with somebody yeah you know it's gotta be so weird
07:28for him to not be like okay you know and tell her what he's doing like it's gotta be so yeah to me
07:34it has to be when i don't tell you what it is then you know what it is like the the non-answer
07:41is the answer true yeah that's true the non-answer is the answer hey what are you doing with the butter
07:46in there oh uh i use it in my beard because it i read somewhere it does some stuff to make uh your
07:51beard nicer yeah okay cool check yeah uh oh i rub it all over my chest hair uh for what like
07:58the non-answer gives it all away so all she has to do is decide what she wants to do he will go
08:06ahead and continue to do this yeah and you can't control that you can't he will do whatever he will
08:13do whatever so you have to decide can i live with can you live with butter but can you no i could
08:20there's no way lisa could but no she has to decide like what if everything else in the relationship is
08:26great could you live with butter okay here's the problem with butter because something's wrong
08:31yeah and we don't know what it is yet right but some things were off to put a whole stick of butter
08:38in your ass and let it melt out well and and my whole thing is it's two years and now he's like
08:43comfortable enough to like there was probably a time when he was like i won't even sneak the butter
08:48around her i'm not gonna do that i'm not gonna do my butter thing all is easier when they're not
08:52living right now he's starting to do it eventually he's just gonna do it like he even said just let
09:00me get my own private butter like that's a solution but what's coming next right because we always talk
09:07about what doesn't let's just say that's the test right to see if he likes that then but you okay how
09:13many times do you do that before you oh no no he does it all likes it yeah he likes it like andy was
09:19saying maybe it's trying to see if he likes backdoor stuff but he picks but it's always butter
09:24i think you know i think you know after a couple times and like i think this guy knows that he likes
09:31it and this is my thing is like well does she like pegging a man because that's probably where
09:40it's going yeah if he wants butter in his ass he wants like he's going to want stuff in his butt
09:45right butter leads to other yeah i just don't know why like if this man like he moves in with
09:51a woman and he's got a dark butter secret and it's like he would you think he'd buy his own butter
09:57and just kind of keep that on the wrap not take communal butter everybody's butter butter you could
10:02hide butter in a cupboard and still be fine yeah especially if it's just no you need it cold
10:07you need it cold if you want the consistency yeah it's gotta be cold to penetrate and then
10:13because if it's cupboard butter it's just gonna you're right you're right just gonna mush
10:19just his reaction is like frightening it's a frightening reaction honestly what's nuts about
10:24this is there's guys out there that are like like they know they bang butter like guys are banging
10:31butter like right now i just cannot imagine saying to my wife when she asked what i'm up to in the
10:36bathroom saying just look the other way on this thing okay yeah exactly that's the craziest thing
10:41i've ever heard like not offering up any explanation at all you know it's real the other way no what'd
10:47you find jason well you can just see it if you want to see what it looks like oh no i don't holy cow
10:51a man putting butter in his house it's a chick oh and then they use it as lubricant oh it's a stick
10:59of butter lisa you don't want it you don't have to click it just giving you the option
11:04holy cow right there that's a butter lady right there yep that is a butter lady oh so this is
11:10what oh no wow good god is that frozen or just that's not frozen enough i think it just takes a
11:17minute it's hard to melt oh my god it would have to be hard to to get in there you're gonna have a
11:23few extra lbs when you're doing this this is one of the worst things i've ever seen
11:28that's that's what that guy's doing yeah this is what he's doing but on his own yeah but then wait
11:34once it melts yeah it's it reminds me how you like oh i'm sure i'm sure prep a turkey yeah
11:41you know like you get a stick of butter and you slather it all around your butt's warm so what's
11:48going in huh yeah that's insane oh it is good i wouldn't have thought that it would even last in
11:53there much she's so patient it's getting a little mushier with each pump it's revolting
11:58this whole conversation now what's insane about this is i love butter you should forward this to that
12:04woman because uh this is probably her future too what if he's just into buttery the like the food
12:12angle of it all this is terrible are you gonna be okay you're gonna be okay you saw the butter
12:17penetration oh my god it's leaking out right now that's enough now yeah we're good that's we're good
12:24now this is butter i don't know if that's just butter you know it can't be oh no that's not
12:29i'm sorry but it's just it's not that's a terrible name for a product that's not just
12:35it's not no you don't put that on toast no so we believe butter is the gateway drug for him
12:46for his anal pleasures yeah man and where's it going so right lisa is right she has to decide
12:52is she okay with butter butt because if it's not just like a anal fixation thing like what if
12:59he's actually secretly into like that gooey food uh stuff i mean that's another hole you might
13:07there's probably more you don't know about him and it's a weird secret that he won't he doesn't
13:11even want you to know about it wants you to let it go it's a weird secret right how long has he been
13:15doing it for oh wow you don't just stumble onto butter in your ass funny is he doesn't even wait
13:20until she's not home or something like well he was trying to be like sneaky but like he took too many
13:25bad about it he got greedy with the butter so there let's take it the positive here be thankful
13:30ladies your guy is not butter butt right he has no butter i never even thought of it right today i
13:38didn't even know that that was okay because you never have had to think about it no most people
13:41never no one has put you in that scenario of you being i mean anybody no one here has thought of
13:46that though butter in the ass it's like uh no no i've never looked at butter and thought it goes
13:50in that end no never i mean it's too good i love bread for me to bang it i love butter
13:56in my mouth yeah isn't it surprising it's never been brought up on the show i mean like banging
14:02sticks of butter yeah yeah until now yep i'm always amazed by that yeah i thought we heard of
14:06everything i don't like it like i want butter to be treated better it deserves better it deserves
14:12better that's not its fate ron is with us ron you had uh a suggestion for this lady what is it
14:18so it's it's really easy if she wants to try to do this little incognito maybe while he's at work
14:23call a plumbing contractor say hey my toilet keeps clogging can't figure out why
14:29you don't need to do that we already know that he's brought the butter in the bathroom
14:33this isn't a mystery i got another i got a more diabolical plan but it's you'd probably go to jail
14:40for it so expensive what you can needle you can needle that butter what it's just put a needle
14:48in there jesus chuck what's wrong with you booby trap it why would you want to booby trap your
14:52boyfriend's ass because he deserves it get serious injuries whatever he does with his you'll know
14:59you'll know i just penetrate his colon he could die oh well you'll know yeah but don't go with
15:06chuck's needle in the butter like i said you could go to jail he's gonna ask him just you just don't
15:12give it up and just say no are you putting butter in your ass tell me now i deserve to know you already
15:18know so yeah i guess the question is do you really need to know like you should probably just leave
15:24yeah you don't need to know the answer it's gonna eat you alive you can't the the thing you can't
15:28control what he does with his butt no you can't so just relax let it go you can only control what
15:35you do right but decide if you want that in your life decide what you want to do can't find a butter
15:40man yeah she lies and says she's in love with him can't find the butter man she found the butter
15:49man and you don't want him how long have you been waiting to sing that song a long time since
15:56yesterday when he said he brought it up oh that's right i did yeah that's your fault
16:03name of that robbie williams or something right yeah
16:06the universe worked it out yeah it did all right butter man it's probably why we found a butter email
16:17yeah