Dave & Chuck the Freak talk about a driver in Oklahoma who was pulled over going 123 MPH and said it was because he needed to poop. Then, they imagine having a police escort for a poop emergency.
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00:00in oklahoma a man cited an urgent need to poop after being clocked driving at an excessive speed
00:14by a tulsa traffic cop the other day according to the tulsa police department the officer clocked
00:20a convertible going 123 miles an hour in a 65 mile an hour zone yep that's usually they take your car
00:32from you but they get mad about that yep when asked for the reason for driving fast the driver said
00:37i have to poop so bad it's unbelievable they say they understand that a sense of urgency can arise
00:45when nature calls but in lieu of speeding they encourage you to stop at a gas station or
00:51convenience store and take care of business so that didn't work for that person they were going
00:56a little too fast yeah if you actually pooped yourself if you were like i gotta be the first
01:02say i to me if you're going that fast and you know you're about to get in a lot of trouble
01:07just let it go poop yourself poop yourself and be like oh this is what happened because once you get
01:14pulled over if you're really that urgent you should poop yourself right like oh if it's that urgent
01:19and you can't yeah like i am ticket so you pooped yourself and you get the ticket at least it's a
01:25bad day it's a bad day it's a really bad day it's a really bad day and maybe once the sirens go off
01:31like your body freaks out so much that it just you know or it just turns off i doubt it turns the
01:38urgency off do you think are there cops listening you think that would cut someone a break if they
01:46actually poop themselves if they if you roll down the window told them that and then they got a whiff
01:51i don't think they cut you a break i don't you'd sit in that poop while they wrote you a ticket we
01:56watched that one lady who like walked around to the front of the car and dropped a you know pinched
02:00a loaf right in front of the cop car and that guy didn't go easy on her she was like hold on a
02:06second yeah but you that was intentional and as opposed to like she couldn't control it oh i feel
02:12like you know what i mean yes i feel like that was an like malicious fecal distribution instead of
02:17i lost control of my bowels is that what you do though like do you just get out of your car real
02:22quick and do it you can't get out of your car yeah that's true you'll be shot or take your ass
02:29stay in the car yeah yeah i mean maybe just open the door and put your no i don't open the door
02:43no but you can't do any of that i do i think the right cop might i do honestly chuck i think the
02:52right cop might cut you a break if you actually had pooped yourself it depends on how fast you were
02:57going you know it depends on a lot of things yeah if you had a record really they get really angry
03:02police officer from detroit said if someone was being cool i'd let them go if they were a dickhead
03:09they can crap their pants while i write the ticket slowly you could tell because i'd be crying uh
03:15i mean you would you know i mean there's no if i poop my pants man i'd weep as well oh my god
03:24there's just my life's totally different after that um another officer said i've been involved
03:30with this it all depends on your attitude so listen if you've crapped yourself just let me
03:35start weeping like you say be oh you'll know the cop will know right away maybe i won't have to say
03:40a word i'll just the look that i give him with the tears in my eyes he's gonna think my family
03:47something really tragic happened to my family and then he'll smell it he'll be like ah
03:51say no more i didn't say a thing you don't you don't have to you just nod and give me a wave
03:59and i cry and give him a head nod
04:02oh what a horrible day i mean great you didn't lose your car or get a crazy ticket but still you
04:10now your car's ruined you've pooped on your seat yeah i mean i'm hoping that whatever sweatpants i
04:16have on that day my god no uh they wouldn't yeah i already know i already know they won't not coming
04:22out like a solid turd no yeah if it's an urgent situation right we all know uh someone said i have
04:30uh ulcerative colitis i had to poop so bad made it to target just in time to poop but it was easter and
04:37they were closed why isn't the door opening back into the car poop my pants in the car yeah i mean
04:54i'm just i guess i just get bent down behind one of those red balls no then you're on their camera
05:01and then now it's malicious fecal distribution i don't know can you spot the man pooping at target
05:07i give them you know i try to find the camera and give them the finger it's their fault um someone
05:14else said that uh got pulled over on my way to work 94 oh i was going 98 miles an hour on 94 in metro
05:23detroit i have severe ibs and it kicked in out of nowhere almost pooped myself when the cop pulled me
05:29over the sheriff was very understanding but did follow me to the nearest gas station
05:35oh like can i get a lights and sirens ordeal oh that'd be nice like let's fly yeah let's let's but
05:43also like get out of the way i think i saw joe biden just drive by no that was chug the officer was
06:00taking him in the bathroom oh i mean it was a police escort they were they were
06:04move it move it screaming something about he needs to go to the bathroom
06:07a police escort to poop is incredible well would i like to have one of those embarrassing though
06:16no no no i don't need all that no don't don't worry i do need all that i need all that
06:23i want my own little siren that i can just put up there like a like a 70s cop you know like a poop
06:31whoa get that thing up there let's go did he wait did the officer wait while you pooped wait until
06:37he went in i don't know if he stayed the whole time he's got the lights on and the whole thing
06:41how did everything go man everything good went out you'd expect
06:45you need me to take you home are you good from here i need to just wait here for a minute but
06:51oh man police escort to poop that's hilarious that's incredible but you didn't get a ticket
06:57i'll take the embarrassment i will take the embarrassment because the people outside the
07:02gas station are like what i don't know right a guy flies in and then a cop is escorting him i think
07:07most women would take the ticket over the police escort to poop like the whole if it was like lights
07:13and the whole thing but also just the way that i'm seeing the way that i'd be walking
07:17because i've done this where i've i've i've pulled into like a walmart
07:23desperately pulled into
07:27can't take too big a step no no no no it's always full too that bathroom's always full
07:53when you get there. You gotta wait.
07:56Someone else has already had that idea.
07:58You need your officer to get out of there.
08:00Yeah, get out of your gun. He's got his gun out.
08:03Pulls a gun on the guy.
08:04Pulls a guy out of the stall.
08:06Yeah, flushes it. Thank you.
08:08It's yours. Go, go.
08:10He's legit, chief. He did the walk.
08:12Oh, yeah, you know, man.
08:14You know from my tears, my walk.
08:16Tears. That walk will get you.
08:18There's been a couple times in my life
08:20where I've been in that walk, and I've
08:22taken one step, and I'm like,
08:23if I take one more step...
08:25You just better stay. You gotta pause.
08:27You gotta pause.
08:29You gotta pause.
08:31J.R. is with us in Cape Coral.
08:34Hey, J.R.
08:35Hey, buddy, and everybody.
08:39Okay, so very
08:40embarrassing. Approximately five
08:42years ago, I got food
08:43poisoning from I don't know where.
08:45I was not gonna make
08:48it home. I was not gonna make it to
08:50a gas station, but there was a
08:52grocery store parking lot
08:54right near where I was.
08:55Yep.
08:56And I opened both
08:58doors and did it between the
09:00doors. There was no way I was
09:02pooping in my truck.
09:03No way.
09:04Between the doors of, oh, of your
09:06vehicle.
09:06Yes.
09:06Oh, okay.
09:07Yep.
09:07All right.
09:08At least you were shielded.
09:09And it's still, you guys are like
09:11truth serum.
09:12You can get anything out of
09:14America.
09:16Well, a lot of poop stuff we've
09:19gotten out of people for sure.
09:20Yeah, it's mostly, it's mostly
09:20a lot of poop and puss,
09:21unfortunately.
09:22J.R., thanks for calling in.
09:23Didn't we watch videos like that
09:24or by their car?
09:26Yeah.
09:27Three of my neighbors went to
09:29play like late night hockey
09:31somewhere and on the ride home,
09:34one of them was like, pull over.
09:36I have to go to the bathroom.
09:38And then he got out of this
09:39person's truck and then pooped
09:42all over their wheel.
09:44Like they thought, oh, he's
09:47going to pee.
09:48No, he had to go do, he had to
09:49deuce and was uncontrollable and
09:51he pulled his pants down, leaned
09:53against the truck.
09:55What?
09:56And let it all go the other way.
09:57What do you mean?
09:59It was to keep yourself upright.
10:03To keep yourself.
10:04That doesn't make sense.
10:05Really, it's a real thing.
10:07I'm going to lean up against my
10:08car.
10:09I had to honk the horn at you.
10:10Yeah.
10:10I drive away.
10:12I would drive.
10:13No, please.
10:14I don't want to see you pretend
10:15to poop.
10:15I don't want to see you pretend
10:16to car poop right now.
10:18No, pull your pants down.
10:20What?
10:21Oh, my God.
10:22Why?
10:23Stop it.
10:23But it went on the steering
10:25wheel?
10:25No, it went on the wheel, the
10:26tire.
10:27Oh, the tire.
10:28The outside of the wheel.
10:29I don't know.
10:30I went.
10:30Oh, yeah.
10:30Like wheel, wheel.
10:31Like on the rim.
10:32Like all over the rim.
10:33No.
10:34I see.
10:35I'm driving over.
10:35Well, they can just take that
10:36through a car wash.
10:37The person driving was quite
10:38upset, though.
10:38Like you.
10:39I mean, I wouldn't want it to
10:40happen on my car.
10:41No.
10:42But.
10:43No.
10:43I don't know what I.
10:44I never had to poop in that
10:45situation.
10:46I don't know.
10:47I wouldn't find a lean type thing.
10:48I think I'd run into the woods
10:49and take my pants.
10:50No one expected it.
10:51No one expected it.
10:52I'm not leaning against your
10:53car and pooping on it.
10:54No, that's horrible.
10:54I'm not pooping on any of my
10:55friends' cars.
10:56No.
10:57I'm not pooping in front of my
11:00friends.
11:00I would take off on you and you'd
11:01just be at the side of the road
11:02with your ass out.
11:03Yeah.
11:03I would just hit the gas.
11:04If I saw fecal matter exiting your
11:08backside and flying on my vehicle.
11:12That's gross.
11:13You're on your own now.
11:14Yeah.
11:14No, that's real.