Therapy Thursday: Should You Get A Discount If Your Hooking Up With The Supplier?
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00:00Therapy Thursday. We like to talk it out, help people through their issues. Sometimes we help,
00:04sometimes we just laugh. Depends on how goofy we want to get. Dr. Davi, are you ready? I am ready
00:10for some action. Action. Oh, damn. Yeah. All right. We back to the Martha. All right. Let's see.
00:15Meredith MD. Cheers. Have an extra coffee to help out everybody. Cheers. All right. Cheers coffee.
00:21We got a no name who's already chiming in on the phones here. Let's see. No name. What question
00:26you got for us? So me and my lady kind of been going through it a little bit and I recently had
00:35got arrested. And while I was incarcerated, we broke up. Well, she broke up with me and I felt
00:44like there was nothing I could do about it because, well, I was arrested. Right. And I mean, I've heard
00:50her in the past, but I've never stepped out on her, but I wasn't necessarily doing legal things
00:56either. Okay. And now I'm trying to do anything and everything to win her back. We got kids. We
01:04live together. But now it's just like I'm irrelevant. I'm unwanted in the house, et cetera. So y'all
01:10don't live together now since you got out? We do still. And now I feel like I should just leave.
01:16Hmm. Oh, what you got arrested for. Was it something that she told you to stop doing
01:22over and over again? No, she actually didn't know because I didn't want her involved in
01:29case I get arrested. Okay. Okay. All right. So, all right. So basically, if you're looking
01:34at it this way, she thought she knew you, you were keeping something from her. So it's
01:39almost like if you're trying to win her back, you have to be a little bit more honest and
01:43you got to basically introduce yourself to her because you have to let her know, Hey,
01:48I didn't tell, I mean, and you probably have said this, but if you put it in a whole presentation
01:51of, Hey, listen here, I know you feel, I probably, you know, kept secrets from you or whatever. Let
01:57me tell you, this is why I did it. And then, and then maybe even take a gesture and say, Hey,
02:01I want to reintroduce myself to you, you know, and try that like to let her know that you've
02:06changed. And also that you ain't about that life no more because you're not about that life
02:10no more. Right? No, I just want my baby and my family back. I think you also need a plan of how
02:18you're not going to fall back into the same traps because a lot, a lot of times we hustle,
02:22you trying to get money. You're trying to essentially provide for your family. But I
02:27think you need a plan of how you're going to either supplement that income or just not fall
02:31into that dark place again and be honest with her about it. She wants to feel confident about the
02:35relationship again because you lied. Yeah. I mean, yeah, basically you got to own that,
02:40but like, let her know that you recognize that that wasn't really a good look. Cause if you go
02:43in there saying, Hey, I did it so I could protect you. She's still going to be like, so you justifying
02:47the lie. So don't justify the lie. Tell her everything you just told us, sit down and like,
02:52look at her in the eyes. Don't just be texting. Like look, let's sit down in front of her because
02:57that's a little bit more of a connection and just be real, man. You know, that, that, that humble in
03:01your voice is going to matter. We just got to, you know, give her a little bit of time. All right.
03:07All right. I'm trying. All right, man. Keep trying and keep handling everything you can with
03:12them kids during the downtime. Just cause she ain't giving you no yum yum. You still show her
03:16that you're super daddy and maybe you'll get you some yum in the backend. All right. All right.
03:22All right, Pippin. We got a text out to 813. It says my 17 year old daughter is four months
03:27pregnant. The boy who was also 17 told her that he loved her and that he wants to be with her.
03:35And she said that she doesn't love him and doesn't want to be with him. He was absolutely devastated.
03:40And now he won't talk to her. They haven't talked in over three, three weeks. What do I do? Should I
03:46get in the middle of it and try to get him back in the picture or just prepare to be a grandma to a
03:51single mom? Oh my gosh. They're so young and dumb right now. They have no idea what's about to
03:56happen to them. Someone needs to talk to the boy. Um, I mean, you can't get involved with the boy.
04:01If the boy, you know, she doesn't want to talk to him. You can talk to the boy's parents or
04:04something like that. That should be the conversation that happens. It shouldn't really be to the kid.
04:08What are you going to say to the kid? Boy, you better go in there and take care of that baby.
04:11Right. Exactly. You can't punk him, man. What are you going to tell your daughter? Is there
04:14anything to tell your daughter? She says she doesn't want to talk to him. It's their relationship.
04:17Doesn't want to be with him. You know, all those dumb decisions and you get overwhelmed at that age,
04:21you know, you're not really thinking straight. So talking and confiding in your parents,
04:24especially when you're four months pregnant is probably beneficial. Maybe talking to his
04:28parents. Maybe he needs to talk to a dad or his mother. I think the right way. I think a round
04:33table, like do it like the mob style, sit down, have a sit down, have them sitting down at the
04:38table. Uh, if she says she don't want to be with him no more. Okay. Well, that's fine. But we still
04:43got to work out a plan because this baby is coming. Um, I would assume the baby is all options.
04:48The baby's still coming. Right. Right. So if the baby's coming, then whether y'all together or not,
04:54we still got to deal with this, these two adults that are parents and these two kids just playing
04:58adult, all got to sit together and come up with some sort of plan for sure. If he's crushed and
05:03she's over there being mean, then y'all just going to be mean at this round table. We still
05:06going to figure it out. Guidance will be helpful here, especially when you're that age. This comes
05:11out of the nine for one says freaks. My trainer has helped me drop 36 pounds and I feel so much
05:17better. He flirts like a motivation, but after a while, it was obvious he wanted a little more.
05:24We started doing the do for the last couple of months, like two times a week. We up to
05:29I'm cool with it, but am I supposed to still be paying him the full rate for my training?
05:35We're doing it more than we work out now. Should I be getting a price break? Tell me the facts.
05:40No, no price breaks. You're not his girlfriend. You're still his client. That time could be used
05:48for another client that's going to pay full price. But am I paying for workouts? Am I paying for the
05:53hunch? The hunch is on your own time. The workout is us going to this gym and I'm clocking in. As long
05:59as his performance as a trainer hasn't been compromised by your extracurricular activities,
06:05I don't think the agreement should change.
06:07Yeah. So the status level changes, then maybe you won't have to pay. So once you know your
06:12boyfriend and girlfriend, I mean, if that's my boyfriend, I'm not going to charge it.
06:15But that's not the case, though. You're hunching the trainer.
06:19If I'm hunching you more than you do, if you cut my hair and I'm hunching you more than I get a
06:23haircut, I better get that free. No, no, no, no, no. She didn't say anything about going on dates.
06:28She didn't say anything about being exclusive. She said that they are hunching. So that is totally
06:32separate. Business and pleasure are separate things. So business is still business. If not,
06:37I could have another person paying full price in this time slot. It shouldn't change it because
06:42we both decided that we're going to have some fun after.
06:45But if we do step up our relationship, then we can talk about potentially.
06:49There ain't no relationship. That's different.
06:51It's hunching. Yeah.
06:51It's just hunching.
06:52You guys aren't there yet.
06:53But I still think hunching gives you some sort of, like if you hunching somebody and they pull
06:57up at the drive-thru you work at, you might give them a large fry instead of a small fry.
07:02They order a small fry, but you give them a large because that's the hunch part.
07:04But that can't be the expectation. That could be good looking out. This one's on me.
07:09That would be a nice gesture, but you can't expect that.
07:12Well, you're essentially trading sex now. That's what you want for free training.
07:16And it don't work like that.
07:17So, I mean, what are you doing yourself?
07:18It should work like that.
07:19No.
07:20Yeah.
07:20This is a business. You got a business to run.
07:22We personal now. We hunching.
07:24That was your decision.
07:25Good stuff.
07:25No, two separate things.
07:26Don't mess up the sex. Keep paying and just have a good sex life.
07:29No, don't mess up the workout.
07:31The workout is succeeding. You're getting, you say, lost 30-something pounds.
07:35Yeah, and the sex. We need to make sure we keep it on track.
07:38Obviously, he's a good trainer. You don't want to lose that.
07:40Obviously, he's a good hunching.
07:41That's what I'm saying. Don't mess that up.
07:43He's good. He's good at the hunch.
07:44Don't mess that.
07:44We just got a person who does not want to identify themselves, who walked in here and said, I agree with, oh, if I'm hunching the medicinal man, I better get a cut rate on the medicinal.
07:59Right.
08:00And that's what I'm saying.
08:02I see where that's coming from.
08:02It's a concession.
08:03It's just like, hey, you're not my date.
08:06You're talking girlfriend and relationship.
08:09You're not my girlfriend.
08:10Yeah.
08:10But you're somebody special enough that now.
08:13So, and I get that point of view.
08:15You get a different lick.
08:16I just feel like it's just different because working out is like 50 minutes to an hour and you had already been paying for like, let's say, I don't know, six months to a year or something like that.
08:26And to just cut it off.
08:27All right.
08:27Here we go, Meredith.
08:28I'm going to put this in a perspective for you because you know my analogy.
08:31Yes.
08:32All right.
08:32So, here's the deal.
08:33You're good with them.
08:33Not really analogy, but here's the situation.
08:36Meredith, you work at an ice cream shop.
08:38Okay.
08:38Okay.
08:39And the dude comes in all the time and gets him two scoops.
08:42He loves two scoops.
08:43All right.
08:44And then you start hooking up with him.
08:47If he comes in and still gets his two scoops, are you going to give him an extra scoop?
08:52Yeah.
08:52Come on, baby.
08:53Take that waffle cone.
08:54I'll probably give it to him for free.
08:55See there.
08:56I would.
08:56Because you're giving him a concession.
08:57I would.
08:57Because you know him now.
08:59Yeah.
08:59On a biblical level.
09:00It's different.
09:01I think it's different.
09:02It ain't different.
09:02The trainer is trading time for money.
09:05You only have a certain amount of time in the day that you could make your money.
09:09Somebody just said, we all know who you're talking about, Orlando.
09:11I don't know what y'all are talking about.
09:15I'm not saying any names, but the person did throw out a couple of scenarios.
09:20Right.
09:20And she said, I mean, the person said.
09:22The person.
09:23When they was hooking up with somebody, the person had to come up with some stuff.
09:28Yes.
09:29And you know what?
09:30Maybe it was some football tickets or whatever.
09:32Well, I'm sure that was greatly appreciated as well and earned.
09:37Wow.
09:37It should be appreciated, not expected.
09:39Okay.
09:40I like that.
09:41All right.
09:41What do we got?
09:42This one says, I'm having issues with our nanny and my family.
09:45I had to let go our long-term nanny after months of passive aggressiveness towards me only.
09:52I'm dealing with all the aftermath with my husband who has been opposed to letting her go on an irrational level.
09:59I've caught him being untruthful and sharing intimate details about our marriage with her.
10:05I haven't suspected any physical cheating, but I feel like it may get messy as the lines have crossed and become blurred over time.
10:14That's a woman in your house, and there are a lot of women who don't like another woman in their house.
10:18I had nannies all through the kids, young ages, and those were like family members.
10:23So it is a blurry line because you end up confiding in those people.
10:28Like, you know, I'm sure their mom probably confided in the nannies.
10:32I know I did.
10:33So, I mean, there was no overstepping or whatever, but those people are still family members now for that reason.
10:39Yeah.
10:39You know what I'm saying?
10:39Like, you give them access to your codes.
10:41They know your security codes.
10:43You trust them with your kids.
10:45So you can.
10:45I think you should be able to have conversations with them.
10:50Not personal ones, but ones that our, like, family members can find out about because you treat them like family, right?
10:56Yeah.
10:57And I think it's 100% time to move on.
10:59There's no going back, no rehiring.
11:01I mean, you have to go find another one, somebody that you can probably trust a little bit better.
11:07You guys don't suspect cheating at all?
11:09At all?
11:10No, I think that's more movie stuff.
11:12Like, I mean, not everybody's cheating with somebody that they just, some people need to talk.
11:16Okay.
11:17And if I ain't talking, you know, if we having an issue and this person is here every day and they're like, hey, you okay?
11:23No, you know, mom's acting crazy, blah, blah, blah.
11:26You know what I'm saying?
11:27Maybe I shouldn't have said that, but I said it to somebody in the house.
11:30I didn't put it out there on the online.
11:31And then the nanny's just treating the wife weird.
11:34Yeah, it's just weird.
11:35I'm happy that they got rid of her.
11:36Try somebody else out in the house.
11:37Yeah, I mean, but like I said, there are a lot of women who don't trust another woman in their house because of that.
11:44So that deserves to be said.
11:46Out there, 813.
11:47My girl of 12 years mistakenly admitted to cheating on me during the first few months of our relationship, which was pretty much a dark time for me.
11:55She rescued me.
11:56Now I have trouble trusting her wholeheartedly.
11:59I forgive her, but nobody's, but I'm not going to be anyone's fool again.
12:03Am I wrong for feeling this way?
12:05No, you should feel how you're feeling and express those feelings.
12:09That way you can eventually heal and get over them, first of all.
12:12Second of all, it was in the beginning of the relationship.
12:14It was new.
12:15You know, people make mistakes.
12:17And if you're going to be in a committed relationship, you can't keep bringing it up all the time.
12:20Either be with the person, forgive them, and move forward, or you can't deal with it.
12:25You've got to move on.
12:27I mean, he just found out, though.
12:28It sounds like.
12:29I know.
12:29Feel it.
12:30Get through it.
12:30He can't get over it too fast.
12:32And you don't need to forget.
12:34But you said you've forgiven her, so you need to understand what that means.
12:37That means you can't be walking around with it and wearing it and bringing it up and stuff.
12:42Like, forgiving does mean you've got to at least act like you've forgiven her.
12:45You don't forget, but that's your own personal struggle, you know?
12:49All right.
12:49Last one.
12:50It says,
12:50My wife and I have twin daughters who are 10 years old going on 30.
12:53Oh, man.
12:54They announced to us that they don't want to dress as a pair anymore.
12:59Now, I don't buy their clothes, but apparently mama didn't understand the assignment and came home with something for their school function that is dressed identically, and they hate it.
13:09But when are the kids able to do their own fashion, call their own fashion shots?
13:15I would say now is the time.
13:17At 10, can you call your own fashion shot?
13:19I think so.
13:19Now it's become something that's important to them, and they kind of want to get out of that box that you guys are putting them in.
13:26You got a pair of twins that you've birthed.
13:28Yeah.
13:28And you like to dress them like twins.
13:30But they're 10 now.
13:31And they're 10.
13:32They're not babies anymore.
13:33Now they're starting to have a sense of identity.
13:36I bet being a twin is probably hard because there's no individuality, and I think that's probably all that they want.
13:43So I think within limits, letting them kind of pick their own style, why not?
13:49What grade is that?
13:50Middle school?
13:5110?
13:51Yeah.
13:5210?
13:52You like 4th grade?
13:53Or is it elementary?
13:545th grade?
13:54Okay.
13:54Yeah.
13:55It's time.
13:56It's time.
13:56It's Q.
13:57There's adults that dress alike still.
13:59But that's their decision.
14:01It's so goofy.
14:02It's painfully goofy.
14:03But they like it.
14:0440-year-olds walking around with matching polos.
14:07You know, we twins.
14:08I know.
14:09I am.
14:10Whatever.
14:10We know.
14:13I just threw a little shade out there for everybody.
14:15Shout out to continue.
14:16I think now, though.
14:17I think now is enough.
14:19Give them a little bit of rope.
14:20All right.
14:21Let them call their own shots, pops.
14:22That's a wrap.