Dave & Chuck the Freak talk about a 2,000-year-old Roman dildo that was found in a ditch during an archaeological dig and imagine James as a ancient Roman blacksmith named Jamesimus.
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:00Archaeologists, meantime, believe they've found the only known life-size Roman dildo.
00:15How much they want for it.
00:17Discovered in a ditch.
00:19Wow, that's really dirty, huh?
00:21Even they threw it in ditches.
00:23They've cleaned it up.
00:24There's a picture of it there.
00:27Oh my goodness, huh?
00:28Oh, you've come a long way.
00:30We sure have, but at the same time, they did painstakingly recreate the tip.
00:36The tip.
00:37The tip definitely has a donger shape.
00:39Attention to details.
00:40Must have been a dildo craftsman back then.
00:43They were good with stone.
00:44All those statues.
00:45Yeah, they were good with stone.
00:47I mean, it's got a large base on it.
00:49I feel like that thing was...
00:51What do you think you did with that thing?
00:55What was that found?
00:56In Rome.
00:57In Rome?
00:57Yeah.
00:58It's funny that the technology has advanced so far with what we can do with dildos, but
01:03the disposal method is still the same.
01:04Same thing.
01:05Throw it in a ditch.
01:06Yeah.
01:06Yeah.
01:07We're done with that.
01:07Throw it in a ditch.
01:08They say this Roman dildo is listed as 16 centimeters long, but they say it was probably larger because
01:18archeological wood is prone to shrinkage over time.
01:22What's amazing about this is that I picture a Roman James who was like, way back in the day, it was like, I'm going to throw this thing.
01:34James-imus.
01:34Yeah, James-imus.
01:36Maximus.
01:37And he threw it in this ditch thinking, I know no one's going to find this now, but one day, a thousand years from now, 2,000 years from now, someone is going to be brushing with gentle strokes and realize the object they're holding is my dildo.
02:00Dildo.
02:01It's an exact replica of my enormous Johnson.
02:04James-imus.
02:05And everybody will know the name James-imus.
02:08Oh, that's crafter James-imus.
02:10He only makes his own penis.
02:11What's James-imus doing by the shoe pit?
02:16He's crafting something.
02:18He's getting pranky.
02:20Oh, wow.
02:21He's hard at work.
02:23I've got to get this done perfect.
02:27James-imus gluteus.
02:29Yes.
02:30Because after I've done with my dong structure, I will make an ass.
02:34He's incredible.
02:36He's the best there is.
02:37He's the only person in ancient Rome we've asked to put more clothes on.
02:40He's written something on it.
02:42It says, if this looks like it's small, that's because ancient wood shrinks.
02:47I don't know why he put that, but he did.
02:51I just realized I made it out of wood, and I'm taking away on stone.
02:55Well, I thought it was stone, too.
02:56I thought it was stone, and then I realized the shrinking wood.
02:59I'm crafting again, James-imus.
03:01Yes.
03:02What are you making today, James-imus?
03:03Oh, you know.
03:04I'm just whittling in a nice, fat, roll-in-eater.
03:10I cannot pleasure my wife and well enough with my own, so I will craft one.
03:16The base is huge.
03:17Yes, she likes a big base.
03:19Oh, my James-imus.
03:20Where are you going to throw that, then?
03:23Well, obviously, when I'm done with it, in the ditch.
03:27So nobody will know what I'm up to.
03:29It has been sitting in that ditch.
03:32Sitting in the ditch.
03:34Yeah, six and a half inch wooden carving of a phallus.
03:39And they only assume it was used for intimate sexual moments.
03:48Is that true?
03:49I would also put it underneath my loincloth.
03:53They make people think I'm as much more willing to have it.
03:55To the dance.
03:56Yes.
03:57I'm here.
03:58I brought my betweener as well.
03:59You're packing.
04:00Yes.
04:01Tonight.
04:01As usual.
04:04Yep.
04:05You probably made a fortune selling those things.
04:09They hope the discovery will prompt a search for similar objects in other collections.
04:14In the meantime, it is going to go on display at the Vindolanda Museum.
04:18What's amazing, too, is I think now there will be someone who's like the expert.
04:25Like, I am the expert.
04:27I am the archaeological expert of Roman dildos.
04:34There has to be an expert.
04:36There is.
04:37There will.
04:37Someone's going to write a paper about it.
04:39Where was my high school counselor when that job became available?
04:44Math and science, he says.
04:46Yeah.
04:46Yep.
04:47Just picture him in a chariot with a bunch of dildos.
04:50You know how they have those swords on the wheels?
04:55His are dildos off to the side.
04:58Ah, here comes James.
04:59James of us.
05:00James of us.
05:01I'm bored and my dongers are firing.
05:03Onward, James of us.
05:04Onward.
05:04Don't get too close.
05:05Don't get too close to the wheels.
05:09You got too close.
05:10He calls it the great Roman challenge.
05:15Yeah.
05:16God, that's huge.
05:18Quite a discovery.
05:19Yep.
05:19It is a discovery.
05:20It is science.
05:21you know