Dave & Chuck the Freak talk about a guy who lost 20 pounds so he was able to perform on himself and imagine someone training like Rocky to reach that goal.
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00:00A guy is warning other guys online of the dangers of performing oral favors on themselves.
00:11What's wrong with that?
00:13This guy lost 22 pounds in order to be able to do it.
00:18That's funny that he trained.
00:20Oh my God.
00:21Hey, what are you doing over there?
00:23You're going hard on that treadmill.
00:24You can do it.
00:25If you can dream it, you can do it.
00:27I have big goals.
00:28You've really been working out something fierce lately.
00:32What are you up to?
00:33Well, I'm trying to fillet myself.
00:36Oh, wow.
00:37Really?
00:38That's what I want.
00:39I see you here every day.
00:41Yeah, I go for special back stretches.
00:45I don't care about any other part of my flexibility.
00:49Just my back.
00:49Just your back.
00:50You're working really...
00:51Are you a runner or what are you...
00:53Nope, filleter.
00:54Oh my God.
00:55I'm a filleter.
00:57You're a blower.
00:58That's what I do.
00:59Yeah.
00:59Well, I don't do it yet, but I'm working on it.
01:02Oh, okay.
01:02Get down there, you're a bum.
01:05Get down there, you're a bum.
01:08Imagine a grizzly old guy training you?
01:10Yeah.
01:14We'll call him cocky and...
01:16You're almost there.
01:17Do it.
01:19Cocky Balboa, you've got it.
01:21You're never going to get there.
01:22You're a bum.
01:24I'm going to get there.
01:25You're never going to get there.
01:26You're never going to be able to fight yourself.
01:28Oh my God, there.
01:29You've got to give it up.
01:32I'm going to get there.
01:35I don't know.
01:37I gave it a curse.
01:38I've seen a lot of people say the same thing.
01:41I can see how it ends.
01:43And it's like the lips.
01:44Oh no.
01:46And it shows the tip and the lips and the tip and the lips.
01:48You're doing it.
01:49You did it.
01:50We got contact.
01:52Yes, he did it.
01:54You're not a bum anymore.
01:56You're a contender.
01:59You're a contender.
02:01So he purposely lost 22 pounds in order to be able to do this.
02:05And he was successful for a while.
02:07Then one fateful day, while contorting and servicing himself, he heard an incredible crack in his back.
02:19Oh man.
02:20Followed by.
02:21Cracked his back?
02:22Yes, Lise.
02:23Immense pain all over his body.
02:27And now he's warning other guys.
02:29He says it is not worth it.
02:31The chronic back pain he now has to deal with on a daily basis.
02:36Yeah.
02:38Makes him realize he never should have attempted this.
02:40Right.
02:41I'm reminded of the story of Icarus.
02:44Flew too close to the sun, you say.
02:46He did.
02:49His fellatio.
02:52I think so.
02:54I feel like you have to be of a certain.
02:57You got to be pretty good down there, right?
03:00Yeah, yeah.
03:00You got to be a certain size, you got to be flexible, and I think you got to be a certain weight.
03:05Which is why he had to lose 22 pounds.
03:07Yeah.
03:08He said it was not his brightest idea.
03:11You do after you do it, probably jump like that.
03:12Yeah, that's exactly it.
03:16Yeah.
03:17You just run to a market and just shake everyone's hand.
03:21Oh God, I hope you cleaned up first.
03:24Yeah, that's a funny thing to lose weight for.
03:27To train for it.
03:29Motivated him.
03:30I'm on my way.
03:31I'm on my way.
03:33I've looked down at him before and been like, ah, okay, there's no way that's going to happen.
03:38No.
03:39But now he's got to go see a chiropractor all the time.
03:42For the rest of his life.
03:43Tell him how it happened.
03:44How did you mess up your back?
03:46I was trying to blow myself.
03:48I've seen it a lot.
03:52I like that he's got to warn the other people.
03:54He's like, like they have the exact same crazy dreams that they're going to train for.
03:58He's like, I know a lot of you got the same thoughts running through your head.
04:01Like, no, we don't.
04:03Don't do it.
04:03Everybody wants to lose a bunch of weight so they can get down there and do it to themselves.
04:08God, no, I just want to lose some weight.
04:10Listen, I know you want to do it to yourself.
04:12Well, sort of.
04:13But don't.
04:13I've ruined my spine.
04:14Look at all the people just would be running.
04:21After the first guy does it, that's the group that wants to learn his ways.
04:24Teach us, cocky Balboa!
04:27I'll teach you how to do it.
04:31Can you take it out of your mouth before you talk to us?
04:35Of course not.
04:37I'm doing it.
04:40Wow.
04:43Oh, man.
04:44It's a weird scene.
04:46It is, yeah.
04:47But, yeah, I don't think, I don't know if he's helping as many people as he thinks.
04:51What's the name?
04:52What's his girlfriend's name?
04:53Why can't I think of it?
04:54Adrian!
04:55Adrian, yeah.
04:56He doesn't need Adrian anymore.
04:57No, he doesn't.
04:57I was going to say, I don't need you!
05:00That's the Rocky movie where Adrian left.
05:02He'd call just his own name.
05:04Yeah.
05:05Cocky Balboa!
05:08It's harder to call a name when you're like, ho, ho.
05:12Oh, yeah.
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