Dave & Chuck the Freak talk about a beach in France that is dealing with a sexually aggressive dolphin that has been wreaking havoc in the water.
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00:00Let me set the scene for you here if I can, I just got this, I got a lot to do here.
00:07So you're in France.
00:11Ha ha.
00:12Oui, oui.
00:13You are at the beach in France.
00:19A lot of hair.
00:21Okay.
00:22You're enjoying a lovely day.
00:23Sounds very nice.
00:24Yeah.
00:25Yeah.
00:25All right.
00:26I don't think I like it.
00:27Except for all the French.
00:29And the beach.
00:31And then, out of nowhere, a dolphin tries to rape you.
00:36Oh.
00:38People think dolphins are all fun and games.
00:40They are not.
00:42There's a dark side to dolphins, man.
00:44They are rapey.
00:45They will rape you.
00:46They're the rapiest of the sea creatures.
00:48Yep.
00:48They're the smartest and horniest.
00:52We're the only smarter and hornier people.
00:56They do drugs.
00:57They have orgies.
00:58They rape.
00:59They do.
01:00All of that.
01:01Dolphins.
01:01Dolphins do drugs.
01:03Mm-hmm.
01:03So anyway, a popular tourist beach in northwest France has actually been closed because a sexually
01:11frustrated dolphin won't stop rubbing up against swimmers.
01:14Man.
01:15That's not good.
01:16Uh, the beach in, uh, Lendevnik is a regular swimming space of Safar the dolphin who locals
01:23often see frolicking.
01:25But Safar has had some other things on his mind lately.
01:28Mm-hmm.
01:28He started rubbing up against swimmers.
01:29He started rubbing up against swimmers, kayaks, and boats.
01:33He's even made an effort to keep people in the water using his nose to push swimmers back
01:39from the shore so he can have his way with them.
01:42Yeah.
01:42Kill you and rape you.
01:44Mm-hmm.
01:44Yeah.
01:45Swimming and diving are now banned on the shoreline whenever the presence of the dolphin
01:50is confirmed.
01:51So it's kind of like the French Jaws.
01:53Yeah, except he's a horny dolphin.
01:55Like, it's a horny dolphin and, like, every time he shows up, someone, like, sees his
01:59fin.
02:00Yeah.
02:01They gave him a nickname.
02:03Safar.
02:03Safar?
02:04Yeah.
02:04Safar.
02:06I like that he's like,
02:06Ho-ho!
02:08It's Safar!
02:08It is Safar!
02:10What are you doing there?
02:11It's me!
02:12It's Safar!
02:14It's Safar!
02:14I can't help but notice you're all scantily clad, huh?
02:19Your orifices are right there!
02:21My speedo, he took it off!
02:23What's Safar in there, baby?
02:26Oh, no!
02:27Oh, no!
02:31Oh, man!
02:32Yep.
02:33Dolphin rape.
02:35French Jaws.
02:37French Jaws.
02:37Yeah.
02:38It's fine, you know.
02:39Yeah, it's fine.
02:40What are you doing there?
02:41Swimming, huh?
02:43Enjoying France, are you?
02:45Oh, oui, oui.
02:46How about a little of this from Safar?
02:49Oh, no!
02:51Uh-oh.
02:52Wee!
02:52Oh, don't tell anybody!
02:58If I don't tell anybody, and you don't tell anybody.
03:00You keep it the secret!
03:02It's Safar!
03:04It's a horny, rapid dolphin!
03:06Yeah!
03:09Several swimmers have been frightened.
03:11They frighten you?
03:12Safar even lifted a woman swimmer last Thursday with his nose into the air.
03:18Just like in the movies, huh?
03:21Look at me!
03:22Yeah, you're my dolphin!
03:25So much of fun, isn't he?
03:27Oh, your top came off.
03:29Look at that!
03:29I like that he's into titties.
03:35People are against this, though.
03:37They're preparing a petition to overturn this ban, saying the response is way too drastic.
03:43Really, they're blowing this out of proportion.
03:45How does the mayor decree a place is unsafe to swim when there's one dolphin just trying to have some fun?
03:50The mayor says he doesn't like me!
03:52You know, it's crazy.
03:53It's like the exact plot of Jaws, where like one dude was like, we can't let the people go in the water.
04:01They're gonna be attacked.
04:03Right.
04:03And like the mayor and everyone else is like, I'm sorry, but we're keeping the beaches open.
04:08And then Safar is gonna kill somebody any minute.
04:12Right, he's gonna drown them.
04:13He's gonna kill and rape somebody, yeah?
04:16Yikes.
04:17So far, I might have played a little too hard there.
04:20Yeah.
04:21But I am Safar, it's what I do.
04:23Yeah, I'm just different.
04:24They're friends of the sea.
04:27You know, I saw some kind of documentary that showed a dolphin place and they were, people would hand relief.
04:39Oh, yes.
04:39No, I saw that.
04:40We watched that on the show.
04:41They would hand relief so that the dolphin would settle down.
04:46Someone needs to hand relief, Safar.
04:49Wasn't there a lady that was in a relationship with one?
04:52There was.
04:53But this was like a legitimate place where it was like part of the, like the Dave got sent to California to go learn how to jerk a dolphin off.
05:01Oh, I didn't do that.
05:02So that, you know, they wouldn't be crazy in the tank.
05:07And they volunteer!
05:08Someone said, oh, he's going to turn me on.
05:12I love the human.
05:15Someone said his catchphrase.
05:16His catchphrase when someone gets away.
05:18So close, yet so far.