Dave & Chuck the Freak ask Police, Fire and EMS workers to share the craziest calls they have ever been on and two of them feature butt stuff.
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00:00We're asking emergency workers that listen to give us the craziest call they've been on or had to take.
00:13Allison, calling us from Toledo this morning.
00:16Good morning, Allison. How are you?
00:18Good morning. How are you guys?
00:19Good. So what was it for you?
00:21Well, we quite frequently get these kind of calls where I had an older gentleman call me and tell me that he had hemorrhaging.
00:28And I asked where the hemorrhaging was, and he was bleeding from his butt.
00:33Okay, big deal.
00:34So he actually told me that he stuck a glass apple up there, and it exploded.
00:43So an old guy shoved a glass apple up his ass, and it blew up?
00:489-1-1-1-2-Emergency.
00:49Oh, boy, boy, boy, boy, boy, boy.
00:52I'm hemorrhaging.
00:54You're hemorrhaging, sir? Where on your body are you hemorrhaging?
00:57I'm right out of my ass.
00:59Oh, your butthole, huh?
01:00Oh, it's bleeding bad, guys.
01:02How did that, uh, how did you...
01:03Calm down, sir. How did that happen? How did you start hemorrhaging out of your butthole?
01:07Oh, boy, it's a tail.
01:10I took a glass apple.
01:12Okay.
01:13I shoved it right up there, and she blew.
01:18It was hollow.
01:19It was a structurally unsound glass apple in your butthole?
01:22Yes, and it's still there.
01:24Boy, it's in there good.
01:25Well, we got an ambulance on the way, sir.
01:31Just stay on the line with me, sir.
01:33Just sit down.
01:34Yeah, don't sit down, sir. Don't sit down if you're hemorrhaging from your butthole.
01:37Okay, all right, I'll get back up then.
01:38You gotta not do the...
01:39Oh, don't move, sir.
01:40Oh, there is quite a bit of blood.
01:43Yeah, I'd imagine if you...
01:46Oh, some glass just fell out.
01:47Oh, my, that is descriptive.
01:48Oh, no, no, no, that's not glass. Part of my butt.
01:51Oh, boy.
01:52That's actually just skin.
01:54Put that part of your butt on ice, sir, and just wait for emergency responders.
01:57I'll go get some.
01:57Thank you so much.
01:59No, you're welcome. Stay calm, sir.
02:00I'm sorry.
02:01I'm calm. I'm totally calm. This is like the seventh time I've...
02:03You sound like it.
02:04I think I took one of your calls last week, actually.
02:06Yes, exactly. I put glass trinkets in my butt.
02:08You gotta stop that, sir.
02:10Glass menagerie.
02:13I like to collect it in my butt.
02:17All right, see you soon.
02:18All right, thank you.
02:20Probably his wife's collection of glass things in a nice cabinet.
02:23Because the old ladies love a little glass...
02:25My grandma's got little glass dragons.
02:27Oh, yeah, that's what I mean, yeah.
02:28All displayed nicely.
02:29And this guy's like, oh, boy.
02:31Sneaking him in his butt.
02:33Sneaking him.
02:33I'll have to get that dragon in here.
02:35I don't know how this is going to...
02:41Oh, boy.
02:44I love how the 911 operator, though, is like, big deal.
02:48Big deal. You're bleeding out of your buttholes.
02:50You'll live.
02:51Because they get it all the time, right?
02:52And they also know when someone's going to live.
02:54You know what I mean?
02:55They're just like, oh, your butt's bleeding?
02:57Yeah, hold on.
02:59Brian from Monroe is next with us here on the Rifflines.
03:02Good morning, Brian.
03:03Good morning, guys.
03:04Penis falls.
03:05Penis falls.
03:06We're wondering about the craziest emergency call you've been on.
03:10Well, I'd have to say the craziest one for me was we got dispatched to a guy that had something in his butt.
03:18We get on scene, and we realize that he was going to town on his bedpost.
03:24Oh, yeah.
03:25And by going to town, like, he drilled a hole in it and was epping it?
03:29No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, backdoor.
03:30No, no, no, it was inside him.
03:32Backdoor up and down, yeah.
03:33Bedposts are big.
03:34He was going up and down on it.
03:36I've seen this many times.
03:38So what do you do?
03:40Well, we pulled the bed away from the wall, and we were getting ready to cut the bedpost off.
03:44And he started freaking out.
03:45No, my wife will kill me.
03:47No, my wife will kill me.
03:48It screws on.
03:49So we literally had to turn him around with the bedpost in his ass?
03:56You are better men than I.
03:58I would not spin the bedpost effort.
04:00Not only that, we ended up having to transport him to the hospital with this bedpost that
04:06was probably about four foot long, still sticking out of his rear.
04:09Oh, mother of Jesus.
04:11Oh, that was a delicate move.
04:13Honestly, you wouldn't believe the bedposts that get inside people.
04:16I mean, oh, Dave.
04:19So you had to really literally unscrew him from the bed?
04:22Yes.
04:22And how many twists did it take?
04:24Good question.
04:25Probably ten.
04:27It was like a fine-threaded bolt.
04:29Oh, my.
04:30So ten twists.
04:31And is he talking to me the entire time he's twisting him around?
04:34Ho, ho, ho.
04:37Oh, boy.
04:40Easy, sir.
04:41Easy.
04:41We're twisting him around.
04:42You've got about nine twists left.
04:48We'll get you.
04:49Okay.
04:50Next one, keep it going.
04:51So this one's going to be a big spin.
04:52Are you ready?
04:53Whee!
04:53Oh, boy.
04:58It's loose.
04:59There we go.
04:59We got you.
05:00It is loose.
05:01We got you off there.
05:03Good thread on that thing.
05:04Yeeks.
05:05Yeeks.
05:06Yeeks.
05:07Huh?