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00:00I married Joan
00:07What a girl, what a world, what a life
00:11Oh, I married Joan
00:15What a mind, love is blind, what a wife
00:18Doot, doot, doot
00:20Being gay all day she keeps my heart laughing
00:23Never know where her brain has blown
00:27To each his own
00:30Can he lie not why I married Joan
00:34The Joan Davis Show
00:36I Married Joan
00:38America's favorite comedy show
00:41Starring America's queen of comedy
00:44Joan Davis
00:46As Mrs. Joan Stevens
00:48Doot, doot, doot, doot, doot
00:53Doot, doot, doot, doot
00:55And featuring Jim Backus
00:57As Judge Bradley Stevens
01:00Doot, doot, doot, doot, doot, doot
01:05I married Joan
01:09Listen to this, Brad
01:13What millionaire playboy has been seen at what nightclub
01:17Every night this past week
01:19Is the answer a dancer?
01:21Does he linger for a singer?
01:23Or could it be the hat check girl who has gone to his head?
01:26Ha, ha, ha, hat check girl gone to his head
01:29Isn't that a riot, Brad?
01:32Joanie, how can you read such nonsense?
01:34Oh, Brad, stop being such a stuffed shirt
01:37The fellow who writes this talk in the town column is very funny
01:40And he really gives you the latest dirt, too
01:42Dirt is right, just a collection of phony news items
01:45Oh, uh, Joanie, can I have some more toast?
01:47And, uh, please hurry, dear, I'm a little late for court
01:49Yes, Your Honor, coming right up
01:52Rumors are flying that not all the cases in this town's court
02:00Are being decided on merit alone
02:02We know that bribe is an ugly word
02:06But can there be some bulging wallets under those judicial robes?
02:10Please, Brad, I got the toast as fast as I could
02:15Well, I'm sorry, dear, I was thinking of something else
02:18Oh, can I have the paper back, Brad?
02:21Courts are being decided on merit alone
02:24Brad?
02:25Bulging wallets under those judicial robes
02:28You see, honey, that talk of the town column really grows on you
02:32You'll enjoy yourself, read it
02:33And I'll read the magazine section
02:36I didn't get a chance to read it yesterday
02:39Well, how about this?
02:48Helen Cavanaugh's house is in the Home of the Week section
02:51The nerve of this newspaper
02:53Oh, it would be Helen Cavanaugh's house
02:55Well, that Helen is one of the most arrogant, insulting
02:59Like when she said to me
03:01Darling, your stockings are wrinkled
03:03I wasn't even wearing stockings at the time
03:06Home of the Week
03:09They shouldn't be allowed to print this kind of news
03:12They certainly shouldn't
03:13We should be talking about this for years
03:15I'm surprised she hasn't been here yet to brag about it
03:18I can just hear her
03:20And guess what, darling?
03:22They picked my house for the Home of the Week
03:25Isn't that wonderful, darling?
03:27Oh, yes
03:28Yes, dear, if you like it, keep it
03:31Don't send it back
03:32I'll pay for it, dear
03:34Absolutely
03:35You might stand
03:36Hello, Joanie
03:42Helen
03:43Helen Cavanaugh
03:45Well, what brings you here?
03:48I was on my way to the beauty parlor
03:50And I suddenly said to myself
03:52Helen, you must drop in on Joanie
03:54And you answered
03:55Why not, Helen?
03:57It's only three miles out of my way
03:59Well, I nearly dropped in to say hello
04:02Okay
04:03Go ahead, say it
04:04Hello
04:05Oh, Joanie
04:06You and your wonderful sense of humor
04:08You're always kidding
04:10Well, I guess I'd better be going
04:12Oh, by the way, Joanie
04:16Here it comes
04:18Did you happen to see the Roto-Greviewer section of Sunday's Gazette?
04:23No, Helen
04:24I didn't happen to see the Roto-Greviewer section of Sunday's Gazette
04:27Why?
04:29Well, they did the silliest thing
04:31They picked out my house for their weekly feature as Home of the Week
04:34Is that so?
04:35Well, too bad I missed it
04:37Oh, I just may have a copy here with me
04:39I bet my life you have
04:41Well, what do you know?
04:43I do have a copy
04:44Imagine that!
04:47You know, ever since they redecorated my home
04:49They've been clamoring for me to have them photograph it
04:52And finally, I just had to give in
04:55Oh, hello, Mrs. Cavanaugh
05:00Oh, hello, Beverly
05:00You see, Joan
05:02The beautiful California home of Mr. and Mrs. Philip L. Cavanaugh
05:06Late Louis XV furniture
05:08Hand-cut checklists of occhi and crystal
05:11Swedish silver
05:12How do you like it, Joanie?
05:14Well, I think that plant there needs watering
05:18Looks a little droopy
05:19Oh, it's just that you're so sensitive on the subject of houses
05:22What?
05:23And you really shouldn't be
05:25Why, you have a charming house
05:27It's so, um, so, um
05:30Well, I happen to like it
05:32So do I
05:33Oh, so do I
05:34Why, Joanie, you've done miracles with this house
05:38The very lack of plan is almost a plan in itself
05:42Oh, what period would you say it is?
05:46Early miscellaneous
05:47Was the length of style the mixed periods?
05:51Oh, and you have, haven't you?
05:54For your information, Helen Cavanaugh
05:57The Sunday Gazette has been begging me for months
06:00To let them photograph my home for the home of the week
06:03But I turned them down every time, didn't I, Beth?
06:06Uh, sure, sure you did
06:08I know what, Joanie
06:10If it's true as you say that they want to use your home, prove it
06:13Go on, let them
06:14No, I wouldn't even
06:15Go on, Joanie
06:16Call up the Gazette and tell them that you accept their offer
06:19If you dare
06:21Okay, I will
06:23I forgot the number
06:28I'll write them a letter sometime
06:30I know the number
06:31Ask for the Roto-Gravure section
06:43Give me the Roto-Gravure section, please
06:48Roto-Gravure, Kellner speaking
06:52Oh, this is Mrs. Bradley, J. Stevens
06:54Say your office has been bothering me for such a long time
06:58To use my home on your Sunday edition
06:59And I've decided to let you
07:01But you'll have to do it immediately
07:03Just a minute, Mrs. Stevens, we only
07:05I'm sorry if you can't do it
07:07Within the hour, you'll simply have to forget about it
07:10Well, what do you think now?
07:14I never would have believed it
07:16I know why they want pictures of your home
07:20For they're believe it or not, Colin
07:22Well, I've got to be running, Joanie
07:24I don't want to be late for my beauty appointment
07:26Oh, no, don't be late
07:28They'll need all the time they can get
07:30Where?
07:34Did you see the look on her face when she went out the door?
07:37Oh, the old show-off
07:38She is real
07:39Yeah
07:39Say
07:41Wouldn't it be funny if the Gazette really did decide to photograph this place?
07:45Funny, it'd be tragic
07:47There it is, Bradley J. Stevens
07:49The only one in the book
07:50That must be the judge
07:51Judge Stevens
07:52I don't remember contacting his wife
07:54But from the way she spoke, her home must be a real short place
07:57Well, maybe the chief contacted her himself
07:59That's very possible
08:00You better cancel the layout of the McBride mansion this week
08:04We're going to do the Stevens place
08:06Okay
08:06You know something, Bev?
08:09I wouldn't change this place for a palace
08:12I mean it
08:18Let's face it, this is not home of the week material
08:21This place
08:22Hello?
08:27Yes
08:27Goodbye
08:30They're coming right over
08:33They're coming right over?
08:35Joni, who's coming?
08:37Well, the newspaper men from the Gazette
08:39I've got to stop them
08:40The Gazette, huh?
08:42The G-A-Z-Z
08:44No, Joni, that's not the number
08:46Well, what was the number?
08:47The Crescent for it
08:48Well, what's the use?
08:49They'd be gone anyway
08:50They said they were coming right over, Bev
08:52Well, I do
08:53Well, let's just straighten things up
08:54And make the best of it
08:55I guess that's all I...
08:57Oh, what good is it?
09:01Helen is right
09:02If I only had another lamp
09:04Say, maybe you could borrow
09:05Catherine Cooper's Treston lamp
09:07I could run over and get it
09:08You know how gorgeous it is
09:10Yeah, it's nicer than any lamp
09:12That Helen Cavanaugh's got
09:13Say, and while you're on your way
09:15You could borrow
09:15Marilyn Haddock's
09:16Claws and A cigarette box
09:17It'd look good on that table
09:19Your friends will be glad
09:20To help you out, Joni
09:21And I'll bet that Mae Richards
09:23Would let me have her
09:24Gilt antique mirror
09:25Instead of this one
09:26And that beautiful fire screen
09:28You're always admiring
09:29Yeah, and I could even get
09:31Ruth Morgan's jade figures
09:32Instead of these
09:33Oh, Joni, those jade figures
09:35Are a family heirloom
09:36They're worth more
09:37Than this whole house
09:38Oh, so what, honey?
09:39I'm only going to borrow them
09:40For an hour
09:41Look how impressive they'll be
09:43Can you just visualize them up there?
09:45Well, if that's the case
09:46You might as well ask Louise Dugan
09:48To lend you her Gainesboro painting
09:49What?
09:50Borrow her
09:51Gainesboro that her
09:52Billionaire uncle left her
09:54I'll do it
09:55Hurry, Joni
09:57I think I hear them coming
09:58Okay, okay
09:59This is the last piece
10:00Here we are
10:02Mrs. Stevens?
10:17Oh, yes
10:18You're the gentleman
10:19From the Gazette, I suppose
10:20Well, that's right
10:20I'm Mr. Kellner
10:21And this is my associate
10:22Mr. Murphy
10:23How do you do?
10:23Uh, this is my social secretary, Miss Beverly
10:27Pleased to meet you
10:28How'd you do?
10:29This is a very unusual room, Mrs. Stevens
10:34But interesting
10:35Very
10:36Gainesboro
10:38Genuine Gainesboro
10:40Oh, naturally
10:41Jade
10:43Hand-carved Jade
10:45A matched pair
10:47Beautiful
10:48Beautiful pair
10:50And you're the wife of Judge Bradley, J. Stevens, correct?
10:54Oh, that's right
10:55I suppose all these priceless things have been in yours and the judge's family for years?
10:59No, just recently acquired
11:01Magnificent piece
11:06Magnificent
11:07A Ming vase
11:11Mr. Stevens, I must compliment you on what you've done with the decor of this room
11:15Well, it takes a heap of borrowing
11:17I mean, living to make a house a home
11:20Living, that's exactly it
11:22That's the keynote of your home
11:23Warmth, hospitality
11:25You can tell just by looking at this room that you've got a lot of friends
11:29You can notice that, huh?
11:32And the wonderful thing
11:33Is the way you've successfully mixed inexpensive, yet tasteful furnishings
11:38With items of exquisite rareness
11:40That painting, for instance
11:42It belongs here
11:44Don't tell that to Louise Dugan
11:46What's that?
11:47Who's Louise Dugan?
11:48Oh, she's the girl in the picture
11:49She and Gainsey had quite a thing going at one time
11:53Well, Mrs. Stevens, I think we've got enough material for your story
11:58Well, I'm glad
11:59Your home will be in next Sunday's Gazette
12:01Fine
12:02Goodbye
12:02Come on, Joe
12:03Bye, thank you
12:04Goodbye, thank you
12:06Well, come on
12:09Let's get these things back to the rightful owner
12:11Hello, Fred
12:13Have you seen talk of the town in the late edition?
12:16You haven't?
12:17Well, get set for a shock
12:19As was itemed in this column earlier
12:22The judges in our fair city have evidence signs of sticky fingers
12:26We now have information that one of these gentlemen surrounds himself at home
12:30With treasures of museum piece value
12:33Including such items as an original Gainsborough
12:36A mean vase
12:37And a pair of carved jade figures
12:40A neat trick on a judge's salary
12:42Where does all that money come from, Your Honor?
12:46Or should I say, dishonor?
12:48No, no, they don't name the judge
12:50No, I agree with you, Fred
12:52I've already called the district attorney and the chief of the police
12:55And I'm calling a meeting at my home with Hammond and Roberts
12:58Well, if there is a judge with such stuff in his home
13:01I say let's do everything in our power to put him behind bars
13:04But he must have some proof this time
13:09Or else he wouldn't make these specific charges
13:11Like naming the actual articles in the judge's house the way that he did
13:15I agree with Brad
13:16He's not speaking in general
13:17No, he is not
13:18May I see that?
13:19You certainly
13:19Cookies, Judge?
13:21No, thank you, Mr. Jim
13:22No, dear, we're talking
13:24Exactly what you propose, Brad
13:26Well, I say that we ought to find out who the guilty judge is
13:29And then clean house ourselves
13:30You mean there's a crooked judge in this town?
13:33Well, those are the accusations, dear
13:36Well, I think that's disgraceful
13:37Yes, dear, we'll take care of it
13:39And gentlemen, whoever that judge is
13:41We ought to have him removed from the bench at once
13:43Removed from the bench?
13:45Why, they ought to fine him $100,000
13:47Put him in jail for 20 years
13:49And then when he gets out, maybe give him a trial
13:51Yes, yes, I know, John, I know
13:52This is very sweet
13:56Hello?
14:02Hello, Mr. Stevens
14:03This is Albert Kellner over at the Daily Gazette
14:05I wonder if we could get a few more pictures of your house
14:07Pictures?
14:09No, I'm sorry, Mr. Kellner
14:10But that would be very impossible now
14:12We'd hardly take any time at all, Mr. Stevens
14:15Don't take no for an answer
14:16I hate to insist, Mr. Stevens
14:18But we only need a couple of shots
14:19We'll be there right away
14:20Boy, if we can crack this case
14:21There'll be a big bonus in it for both of us
14:23And promotions, too
14:24Hello?
14:26Hello?
14:27Oh, my gosh, I guess he can't
14:29They're on their way
14:30And so am I
14:31I'll go borrow that stuff back
14:32You just make sure you get the judges out of the living room
14:35Furthermore, it will stop the papers
14:39From taking cracks at judges in general
14:41Then we'll draw up a statement for the press
14:46Explaining precisely where we stand
14:48That's exactly what we should do
14:50Because if you wait
14:51And...
14:51Excuse me
14:52Yes, yes, Joan
14:53I hate to interrupt, dear
14:54But there's a leak in the faucet
14:56A faucet?
14:57But, dear, this is an important meeting
14:58We have a very...
14:59You know how helpless I am at those sort of things
15:01And Brad is so handy with tools
15:03He'll have it fixed in the jiffy
15:04But, Joan, I can't
15:06I have to...
15:06Okay, if you don't want to help me
15:08I'll get them off in the bucket
15:09Do you remember the last time the flood, the waves were...
15:11Well, all right, Joan
15:12All right
15:13I'll fix it for us
15:14I'll be right back
15:16I'm sure it's nothing serious
15:17Right there, Brad
15:20Oh, oh
15:20Yes, well, it's just a washer, that's all
15:26I'll get the pliers
15:27Oh, you men, you're just so wonderful
15:29You get to the root of the problem right away
15:31So we must stand together in this matter
15:36To show that we're all beyond suspicion
15:38Right here
15:39Oh, Judge Henderson
15:40Yes
15:41Brad's having a little trouble with the faucet
15:43I wonder if you'd give him a hand
15:44Of course
15:45I always fix things around the house for Mrs. Henderson
15:47Excuse me, gentlemen
15:48Nothing complicated about a leaky faucet
15:51It's right there, Judge
15:52Brad, I don't think you should be turning the whole faucet
15:56No, no, look, Judge
15:57I've done this before
15:58So have I
15:59The first thing to do
16:00Is to get at the master control
16:02Now you're getting someplace
16:04You'll have it fixed in no time
16:06By the way, where is the master control?
16:09Well, I think it's under here
16:12Oh
16:12And I think that as private citizens
16:17We should bring suit at once
16:18Well, personally, I
16:19Excuse me, Judge Hammond
16:20Yes, Mrs. Henderson
16:21Brad and Judge Henderson
16:22Are having a little problem with the sink
16:24And I was wondering if you
16:25Oh, well, I'd be glad to help
16:26My wife considers me quite handy around the house
16:29Oh, I'm sure she does
16:31Yes, it's right there
16:33Oh, oh, I see
16:34Brad, Brad, now that's the wrong way to go about it
16:38No, no, no, we're getting it
16:40You have to take the faucet handle off the sitting here
16:42It's right that way
16:46Ah, a plumbing faucet
16:48Have you turned off the water, Brad?
16:50No, no, it just needs a washer
16:51But you've got to turn the water off first
16:53No, don't turn the water off
16:55Oh, no, no
16:56Oh, okay
17:01Okay, up the step
17:05That's fine, that is you in there, isn't it?
17:11Yeah, right over here
17:12That's a good girl
17:14Here, let me take the lamp
17:15That's fine
17:17Oh, my God
17:21Right with you, honey
17:22All the things
17:22Yeah
17:23Oh, opening almost went big
17:26Listen, did you forget the fire screen?
17:28And it, but
17:29Oh, that's great
17:30That's great
17:31Hello, Mrs. Stevens
17:42How do you do?
17:43How do you do?
17:43Thanks, we'll just take a minute
17:45The editor wants a few close-ups of some of your treasures
17:48Well, help yourself
17:49There they are
17:50Just where they were before
17:51Well, of course
17:52Where else would they be?
17:53Of course
17:54Where else would they be, buddy?
17:56Now, I tell you, Brad
17:57You're going about to all wrong
17:59Well, just hand me that stufin' rent
18:00Oh, there we are
18:01Your hall must have really made an impression on the editor
18:04He wants a close-up of that Gainsborough, Joe
18:07Yes
18:08Well, that certainly is very sweet of your editor
18:10And a better shot of that Ming vase
18:14A vase
18:15Oh, the vase?
18:17Vase
18:17And the Dresden land
18:20Genuine Dresden, of course
18:22Well, naturally
18:23Here, let me at it
18:26I'll get it
18:26Well, I guess that about does it
18:31Yes, I think that should do it
18:32Oh, wait a minute
18:33How about these carved figures?
18:35The real jade
18:37Emerald trim
18:37Oh, yes
18:38We must get those
18:39Oh, and
18:41This plod's an A-box
18:43Inlaid with Mother Pearl
18:44Yes
18:44Yes, of course
18:46Let's see
18:47Oh, there's no sense in bothering with that candy dish
18:51It's just plain gold
18:52Gold?
18:52Well, we'll get that gold
18:54Of course
18:54Is this doing anything?
18:57Yes
18:58It's deafening me
19:00Well, I guess the editor's got everything he needs
19:03I'm sure he does
19:05Thank you so much for your trouble
19:06Goodbye, Mrs. Stevens
19:08Thank you, Mrs. Stevens
19:09Goodbye
19:09Nice paper, that gazette
19:13Oh, I forgot about the judges
19:15Step number one
19:18We issue a public statement
19:19Couched in the strongest language
19:21That states clearly
19:22As soon as we learn the identity of the judge
19:25Whose home contains an original games burrow
19:28A Ming vase
19:29Genuine jade articles
19:31And other objects of antique value
19:34And ask for his immediate removal from the bench
19:41And a criminal suit
19:43Which could result in five to ten years in jail
19:46Excuse me, Brad
19:47What'd you say before?
19:49I said five to ten years in jail
19:50No, dear
19:51About a judge's house
19:53Oh, oh
19:54Well, yes, dear
19:54It's all in the paper here
19:57Why don't you read it for yourself
19:59I mean, I'm
20:00Now
20:01In the original games burrow
20:08It's the games
20:09Yeah, that's games
20:10Dressed in length
20:15Ming vase
20:20What did I do with my old furnishings?
20:28Beverly
20:29Beverly
20:30Come down right away
20:31Bev
20:32Come here
20:33Bev
20:34Beverly
20:38You gotta put the old furnishings right back, honey
20:41Okay, but I'm not wearing the new stuff
20:43Okay, honey
20:44I gotta get all the stuff back in here
20:47This is a real emergency
20:49Okay
20:50And therefore
20:53We
20:54Gentlemen
20:54And we've done it
20:55We've stopped the leak
20:56Well, I guess that about does it
21:01And if Brad agrees to draw up a public statement
21:04We can adjourn our meeting right now
21:06We have had a busy day
21:08We certainly have
21:09We fixed the leaky faucet
21:10And we're gonna fix something else
21:11The Gazette's wagon
21:13We find that there actually is a judge
21:17Who is guilty of their accusations
21:18Well, if we've achieved our purpose
21:35It's been time well spent
21:37I'm glad you called this meeting, Brad
21:38So am I
21:39I expect our statement will do a lot
21:41To restore public confidence
21:42Well, I certainly hope so
21:44I'll get your hats, gentlemen
21:46Hats?
21:47I'll get it, Brad
21:48I think that's my hat
22:02I'm sorry
22:07Joan, here, let me do that
22:09No, please, please
22:10I'll get them
22:11Gentlemen, I'll get them
22:12Hats
22:12Hats
22:13Angel
22:18Ming
22:19Dresden
22:21But we know who the hats belong to
22:28But which one of you gentlemen
22:29Check the rest of this stuff with us?
22:35Now listen to what the talk of the town golem has to say
22:38Listen, Joanie
22:38Our humblest apologies to the town's judges
22:42The hot tip we had
22:44Suddenly turned cold
22:45And a complete investigation
22:47Of our legal eagles
22:48Showed this reporter
22:49To be 100% wrong
22:52Our humblest apologies
22:54You know, it's a good thing
22:58That Helen Cavanaugh
22:58Passed by with those pictures
23:00Of her house
23:00I wonder where that can be
23:03Good evening, darling
23:08Hello, Brad
23:09Hello, Ellen
23:10I have a very pleasant surprise for you
23:13What?
23:14Well, I'm pretty friendly with the boys
23:15In Rotterge Viewer
23:16At the Gazette
23:17And they gave me a sample
23:18Of next week's
23:19Home of the Week section
23:19With pictures of my place in it?
23:22Yes, darling
23:22And they're just lovely
23:23And I even supplied them
23:26With some helpful information
23:27Oh, gee
23:29The pictures are beautiful
23:30I thought you'd like them
23:32Well, goodbye, darling
23:33Goodbye, Brad
23:34Goodbye, Ellen
23:35Well, thanks a million
23:36Oh, it's been a pleasure
23:38Goodbye
23:38Well, Brad
23:40How about that Helen Cavanaugh
23:42Bringing us an advanced copy
23:45Of our house for the paper
23:47And, Joni, you keep saying
23:48That Helen is a nasty girl
23:50I know
23:50I guess I was wrong
23:52I, uh...
23:54Oh, no
23:55What is it, Joan?
23:57Well, she supplied them
23:58With some extra information
24:00All right
24:00Above is the beautiful living room
24:03In the home of Mr. and Mrs. Bradley
24:04J. Stevens
24:05Gainsborough painting
24:06Through the courtesy
24:07Of Louise Dugan
24:08Dresden lamp
24:10From the home of Catherine Cooper
24:11Carved jade figures
24:13Loaned by Ruth Morgan
24:15Now, now, now
24:16Wait a minute, Joan
24:17Don't you see
24:17Under these circumstances
24:19It's a good thing
24:20Helen made them
24:21Print that information
24:22I know her
24:23And she wasn't
24:24Trying to help us
24:25But just the same
24:26She did
24:27As a matter of fact
24:28We owe her a debt
24:28Of gratitude
24:29Oh, sure
24:30Why don't we give her a medal?
24:32Say, that's a good idea
24:33We'll give her a medal
24:35I've always wanted
24:37To hang one on her
24:38Why, I'd like to
24:41My Mary Joan
24:46What a girl
24:47What a world
24:48What a life
24:49Oh, my Mary Joan
24:52What a mind
24:54Love is blind
24:54What a wife
24:55To you
24:56Evie and Gay
24:57All day she keeps
24:58My heart laughing
24:59Never know where
25:01Her brain has gone
25:02To reach his own
25:05And deny that's why
25:07I dare it, Joan
25:08To reach his own
25:12And deny that's why
25:14I dare it, Joan
25:15To Rent and knock
25:29All day she lives
25:30To hear her