Giantess Battle Attack! is sci-fi comedy directed by Jim Wynorski and produced by Charles Band for Full Moon Features. A sequel to Attack of the 50 Foot CamGirl, the film continues the story of Beverly Wood, portrayed by Ivy Smith, who returns from her fall from fame to face a new group of gargantuan gals aiming for deluxe diva domination . Set on the double planet of Buxomus, known as the "Planet of Girlgantuas," the narrative introduces Spa-Zor (Kiersten Hall), a champion seeking a new challenger, leading to a showdown with Beverly . The film embraces its B-movie roots with campy humor, over-the-top scenarios, and a blend of sci-fi and comedy elements .
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00You're going down.
00:04Funny, I was thinking the same about you.
00:30You have lost, Meta-Luna. Time to die!
00:56No! No!
01:04Is there no one big enough, strong enough to defeat the mighty Spezor?
01:13Spezor to the Queen's Platform, please.
01:16Spezor to the Queen's Platform.
01:26Prunella, the door!
01:32Yes, oh mighty Queen.
01:34You wanted to see me, Empress?
01:37Spezor, your glory is always welcome here in my chambers.
01:42Thank you, Empress. You wanted to have words with me?
01:46I do.
01:52But first, the Tranya.
01:56I hope you relish it as much as I.
02:04To the next victory.
02:07Thank you, Empress.
02:15There will come a time when you will take my throne by force.
02:20As I did once with my superior.
02:23But I have some time yet, so I don't get any funny ideas.
02:26I have a few more thousand millennia.
02:28But we do have something to fix.
02:30And that is, well recently, I intercepted a thing called a wavelength.
02:35An old form of communication, very primitive.
02:38And I traced its origin to there.
02:41A little minuscule planet called Earth.
02:47Apparently inhabited by millions of diminutive creatures.
02:52Weaklings all.
02:54But legend has it that there is one amongst them.
02:59One great giantess.
03:01And that is our challenge most formidable.
03:06You need to go to planet Earth.
03:09Find this great giantess.
03:12Challenge her to a duel.
03:15And then we will broadcast live the bloodshed all over Buxomus.
03:20And it will be such great morale for the planets.
03:23This bitch have a name?
03:25She goes by the name Bethelay.
03:28Wrong.
03:29Her name is Toast.
03:36Your ass is mine now, bitch!
03:41Oh, my God.
04:11Oh, my God.
04:41Oh, my God.
05:11Oh, my God.
05:41Oh, my God.
05:42Oh, my God.
05:43Oh, my God.
05:47Oh, my God.
05:48Oh, my God.
05:49Oh, my God.
05:50Oh, my God.
05:51Oh, my God.
05:52Oh, my God.
05:53Oh, my God.
05:54Oh, my God.
05:55Oh, my God.
05:56Oh, my God.
05:57Oh, my God.
05:58Oh, my God.
05:59Oh, my God.
06:00Oh, my God.
06:01Oh, my God.
06:03Oh, my God.
06:04Oh, my God.
06:05Oh, my God.
06:06Oh, my God.
06:08Oh, my God.
06:09Oh, my God.
06:13Oh, big baby.
06:20Hey! How am I supposed to get a bar looking like this?
06:24Aww, does baby need his diaper changed?
06:33It's about time you took a shower. Is it Saturday already?
06:36You gonna do something about her?
06:38Probably gonna give her a raise. She's the best worker I have.
06:42It's twice the work in half the time.
06:44I heard you already gave her a raise.
06:46Hey, that's enough. I won't have it.
06:47I don't know how it stands at all. She's a freak!
06:51One more word out of you and I'll...
06:53And you'll what?
06:55You sure you wanna find out?
06:58Well, of course.
07:00I thought so. Now get. The whistle already blew me.
07:04You have fun with your fr... girlfriend?
07:08I'll be filing a grievance with the union.
07:10Do whatever makes you feel big.
07:13Hey, Bev.
07:14Yeah?
07:16This guy's leaving. You wanna blow him a little kiss?
07:20You sure?
07:21Sure, I'm sure.
07:22Sure you won't get jealous?
07:24Come on, baby. Give me a big old smooch right in front of your man.
07:28You have anything else you wanna add?
07:41Good night, Mike. Good night, Miss Beverly.
07:43I'll see you first thing tomorrow morning.
07:49You okay?
07:50Totally.
07:53Liar.
07:54They're right. I'm a big, freaky-deaky.
07:58Then I'm a pinhead for liking you.
08:01You say the sweetest junk.
08:04By the way, it's payday. I've already deposited your check into your account.
08:08You can check for yourself if you...
08:10I trust you.
08:11Thanks.
08:13I'll just need to work at this dirty place for the next zillion years
08:18to pay off all my lawsuits and bills.
08:22How is it so bad?
08:24I didn't mean it like that.
08:25I appreciate all you've done for me.
08:27You're the only person who stood by my side.
08:31I get it.
08:32You're used to the life of Riley.
08:35This is my life of reality.
08:38It's not that.
08:39I don't miss the clothes and the money and the parties.
08:44I just would want to sleep in a real bed for once.
08:48Maybe someday.
08:50This is really hard for me.
08:53I was a self-made girl.
08:54I was so independent.
08:56Being fifty feet tall is like so five months ago.
09:00I was...
09:01I was love-hated for so long and now I'm just hate-hated.
09:04What's better?
09:06Being admired by millions of strangers or...
09:09knowing the love of one single person who has your heart?
09:13Hmm.
09:14Just kidding, you ghoul.
09:16You know you mean everything to me.
09:18It's just that...
09:20I tried to do something really positive for the world
09:23and I ended up wrecking the entire city.
09:27All of my money gone overnight.
09:29My ex made sure of that.
09:31And even if I had all that money,
09:32it still wouldn't make a dent in all my lawsuits for smashed houses,
09:37smunched power lines and broken ribs or whatever.
09:42No, it's just like construction.
09:45I used to be the poster girl for obscene wealth and hotness
09:49and now I'm the poster girl for like a monster movie.
09:54I love monster movies.
09:55I love monster movies.
10:08Having fun down there?
10:10You rock me, baby.
10:11Are we interrupting anything?
10:17Boy, what I wouldn't give to be him right now?
10:22Professional, remember?
10:24I guess.
10:25Hey dudes.
10:26Doctor dudes, please.
10:28Lana.
10:29I mean...
10:31Never mind.
10:32That's pointless.
10:34Thanks for coming down to the site.
10:35Must mean you got some good news, right?
10:36Mmm...
10:37Not at all.
10:39You mean I'm getting worse?
10:41No. I mean, this is just a courtesy visit
10:44to assure you we're still thinking of your plight.
10:47We have no real results one way or another.
10:50So, um...
10:51Yeah. Hi.
10:52How you doing?
10:56Still big AF.
10:59You're seriously writing that down?
11:01I'll research it later.
11:02It could be fortuitous.
11:03Most likely not.
11:05So, no change in the results from last time?
11:07Not at all.
11:09She's no smaller than she was before,
11:10but on the bright side she's no larger.
11:13We think that's something.
11:15Like what?
11:16Fuchsia and Gary returned to normal size.
11:18Why them and not me?
11:20Inconclusive data, unfortunately.
11:22Our theory is they ate less of the substance than you.
11:26Beverly Woods and Holy Metrimony?
11:28Yes, that substance.
11:30I thought of that name myself.
11:31Also unfortunate.
11:33We want to run some more tests on them
11:35to see if we can string together a timeline of consumption and events.
11:39Then do it.
11:40Well, we have no blood or cell specimens at this moment right now.
11:42Why is that?
11:44Both of them are buffing their brains out in Hawaii for an indefinite amount of time.
11:48Dennis!
11:50Well, sorry.
11:51Don't worry Bev, it'll happen.
11:52And if it doesn't, that's okay too.
11:55Sorry to break that news, Miss Wood.
11:57You know, maybe this is me being selfish.
12:01Which means I've matured a little bit.
12:04But I don't really care about them.
12:06I just care about me.
12:08And I don't want to be a freak forever.
12:10Gary ate only a little of the substance.
12:14Beverly Woods and Holy Metrimony.
12:15Yeah, that one.
12:16We're still unclear as to how much fuchsia ate.
12:19It could all just boil down to metabolism.
12:22It just hasn't worked its way out of your system as quickly as it did theirs.
12:26We have no explanation.
12:28Just theories.
12:29Sucks.
12:31Well, that's it?
12:33Sorry to say.
12:35Thank you doctors for keep on keeping on.
12:38We both appreciate you.
12:40We are working on this.
12:42And we'll be in contact if we find out anything at all.
12:46In the meantime, we're only just a phone call away.
12:49Call us for anything, Miss Wood.
12:51Even if it's just emotional support.
12:55Make sure you ask for me though.
12:58Let's leave these two.
12:59Computer.
13:13Bring up intel on my challenger.
13:20That's her!
13:22That's the dead meat.
13:24Yeah.
13:26Enhance.
13:28Not that type of enhance.
13:30Oh my stars and girls.
13:32I'm not sure what's gotten into me.
13:35Enhance!
13:37More enhance!
13:40Your face is so touchable!
13:43Girl!
13:51Oh look.
13:52It's shooting star.
13:53Make a wish.
13:55I wish I was normal again!
13:57What's wrong?
13:59I used to be a star.
14:00Burning bright.
14:01And now, I'm like this big black hole of suckage.
14:03Don't say that, Bev.
14:05If space were an emoji, it'd be a sad face.
14:07Well, you definitely don't suck.
14:08It used to be my specialty.
14:09I'm so horny.
14:10And we can't do anything without you getting hurt.
14:12I've got just the thing.
14:14Really?
14:15Work?
14:16Now?
14:17Nope.
14:18Really?
14:19Splunking?
14:20Hmm.
14:21I like to think of it more as...
14:23Splunking.
14:24Well, you definitely don't suck.
14:26It used to be my specialty.
14:27I'm so horny.
14:28And we can't do anything without you getting hurt.
14:31I've got just the thing.
14:33Really?
14:34Work?
14:35Now?
14:36No.
14:37Nope.
14:41Really?
14:42Splunking?
14:43Hmm.
14:44I like to think of it more as...
14:47Spelovin'.
14:54If I'm not back in half an hour,
14:56don't send help.
15:06No!
15:07No!
15:08No!
15:09No!
15:10No!
15:11No!
15:12No!
15:13No!
15:23Wakey, wakey, legs and sexy.
15:29Good morning.
15:31You, uh, really hammered me last night.
15:35Literally.
15:36Open those pretty peepers.
15:37I got a little surprise for ya.
15:39What's that?
15:40Breakfast in bed or croissant in the quarry?
15:44Even better.
15:46Your fan club is here.
15:53Hey!
15:54My only fans!
15:56We love you, Miss Wood!
15:57We have a gift for you!
15:59What's that?
16:00Bonding!
16:04Hey!
16:06I love you.
16:07She's soft.
16:08I love you!
16:09Try touching it for you.
16:10I love you.
16:14I love you.
16:16I love you.
16:18You're good.
16:19I love you.
16:21I love you!
16:22I love you, Miss Wood.
16:23I love you.
16:24I love you too!
16:25I love you, Miss Wood.
16:26Thank you girls. Let's dance.
16:44Hi, I'm director Jim Wynorski and I'm stopping this film right now.
16:49There's just too much gratuitous sex...
16:56Thank you so much. You really made me feel like a real girl again.
17:14No problem, Miss Wood. I want to be just like you when I grow up.
17:19Don't grow up too fast. Trust me.
17:22We love you, Beverly!
17:24I love you too.
17:26Woohoo!
17:28You want me to fight that?
17:30It will be the biggest battle of all time. Literally.
17:34Look at her. I think you'd agree she has a few pounds on me.
17:38Not to mention an extra 45 feet.
17:40Details! Details! Details! Details!
17:42You want me to fight that?
17:44It will be the biggest battle of all time. Literally.
17:46Look at her. I think you'd agree she has a few pounds on me. Not to mention an extra 45 feet.
17:52Details! Details! Details! Details! Details!
17:54What you've gone to her size, this will be easy peasy. Giant squeezy.
17:56Grown to her size? We'll talk about that later.
17:58Damn right we will.
18:00You'll wipe the desert floor with her ass, and your booty will be rolling in the looting.
18:02I don't know. Your schemes are usually scams.
18:04I got this.
18:06Every eyeball on earth will pay to see this baby.
18:08You'll wipe the desert floor with her ass, and your booty will be rolling in the looting.
18:10I don't know. Your schemes are usually scams.
18:12I got this.
18:14Every eyeball on earth will pay to see this big bitch battle royale... with cheese.
18:19Big bitch battle royale with cheese!
18:35Aren't you afraid she's going to recognize you? She'll stomp on your head.
18:39She'll stomp on your head.
18:40My son, Bradley, okay, had it coming, okay?
18:43But it wasn't me who took advantage of her.
18:45He strung her along for years.
18:47To tell you the truth, I want to make her and us rich and famous again.
18:51And filthy, stinking, hawking rich.
18:54How's your son doing these days?
18:56I heard that motorboating accident really traumatized him.
19:00Traumatized?
19:01He almost killed him.
19:02From yesterday alone, Beverly Wood branding received 3.2 million individual views across all brands.
19:10They live in their mom's basement because they spend all their money on you.
19:14The hottest girl on the internet.
19:15It's what the fans want.
19:18Scientists.
19:20A good morning all depends on the mood of Beverly, and her mood depends on if this is ready or not.
19:24Well, there's still some tests that need to be done.
19:27Well, it's not a real carrot.
19:28I mean, it looks real, but it's a Beverly Wood carrot.
19:31Right, so what kind of side effects are we talking about here?
19:33Death.
19:34Gastro bloating.
19:35Total and severe body melt.
19:37One small bite for a visionary entrepreneur woman.
19:40One giant leap for ambassador kind.
19:44Yeah, well, whatever it is, I'm sure it's no...
19:47Big deal!
19:59Go, go, go!
20:00What's your fantasy crap, baby?
20:03Two girls!
20:04Two girls!
20:16So big!
20:17So big!
20:20They were so...
20:21So big!
20:22Good afternoon, Mr. Fortunova.
20:24Are you ready for some lunch?
20:26No, no, no!
20:28It's so big!
20:30How about having just a little milk?
20:33No!
20:34Take it away!
20:39I can't take them anymore!
20:42Doctors say he may never recover.
20:45Why would he want to?
20:46He may spend the rest of his days in the booby hatch.
20:49Careful what you wish for, I guess.
20:52Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a big deal to propose.
20:56Wish me luck.
20:56Go get her, Tiger.
21:05What the hell am I getting myself into?
21:08Uh, excuse me, Miss Wood!
21:18Do I know you?
21:19Um, not really.
21:21No.
21:22You're kind of busy here, fella.
21:23This will only take a minute of your time, but I assure you, it'll be worth it.
21:29Millions worth it.
21:31Beat it, creep.
21:32I'm done with pervs.
21:34I am not your everyday run-of-the-mill perv.
21:37Trust me.
21:39Ew!
21:40Get lost.
21:41Bye.
21:42Hear me out!
21:43And you look like someone who used to know, so double ew.
21:48Father and the lady, pal?
21:49This is private property.
21:51I suggest you turn around and go back the way you came.
21:53Please listen.
21:55I can help with the bills, lawsuits, everything.
22:00You can pay all that off?
22:01Are you a lawyer?
22:03Uh, ha.
22:04I'm not that sleazy, pal.
22:07I'm a promoter.
22:08Promoter of what?
22:10Events of the highest end.
22:13Total quality.
22:14Name one.
22:16Okay, well, to be honest, this would be the first of this caliber,
22:20but trust me, no one has ever done this in the history of mankind.
22:25I think you need to turn tail and get.
22:28Let him talk.
22:29Everyone deserves a chance.
22:31Thank you, Beverly.
22:33Miss Wood.
22:35So, what are you proposing?
22:37Well, 50 million bucks.
22:40Win or lose.
22:41Win or lose to what?
22:42Does it even matter?
22:44There's nobody else like me, and I'm a crazy bitch, so...
22:49I like that spunk!
22:51I don't like this.
22:52It doesn't sound right.
22:53That money sounds pretty right to me!
22:55About right.
22:56But you haven't said who or what she's winning or losing against.
23:01Winning?
23:02It doesn't matter, Beth.
23:03It's not worth it.
23:10Her?
23:10Definitely winning.
23:13You think you're so big and tough?
23:16I am, though.
23:18The bigger they are, the harder they fall.
23:21And, bitch, you're the biggest.
23:23You're gonna fall so hard, your lips are gonna flood.
23:26Does anyone hear that tiny, annoying, little buzzing sound?
23:31Get me my fly swatter.
23:33I'm gonna crawl up your ass and turn you inside out.
23:37Yeah, well, I'm gonna floss my teeth with your scrawny boy body.
23:42You're gonna taste what the conda is saving.
23:46Okay, wait.
23:46We talked about this.
23:47You can't save it.
23:48Sorry.
23:50You're going down!
23:52Way!
23:53Way down!
23:55Uh-huh.
23:56Yeah-huh.
23:57Uh-huh.
23:58Uh-huh!
24:00Uh-huh!
24:01Uh-huh!
24:02Okay, ladies!
24:03Save it for the events!
24:05Okay.
24:07Totally.
24:09See you then!
24:10Ladies!
24:11I like your helmet, FYI.
24:13Thank you!
24:15I-I-I don't like this at all.
24:18I-how-how is this even gonna happen?
24:21Your girl doesn't stand a chance.
24:23Beverly could seriously hurt her without trying at all.
24:26Don't worry!
24:27Let me work out the details.
24:29Okay, when is this supposed to go down?
24:31Give me about a month!
24:32Okay, I need to advertise, sell tickets, promote, Anna needs to grow!
24:39I'll say that again.
24:40Into character!
24:42Anna needs to grow into character!
24:46I don't like this.
24:48You will!
24:49This could be my out.
24:53I don't think so.
24:54It certainly looks like it could be the one.
25:18Could it be?
25:19It could.
25:22But, none of them have been so far.
25:26The aroma's correct, if I recall.
25:28It smells like sausages.
25:30Well, then, no.
25:31I was going for gravy train.
25:32I personally like the smell of it.
25:36And my dog Poochie loves it.
25:38When can, when can anaconda try it?
25:41Well, I don't see any reason why we can't.
25:41Not yet!
25:43It isn't ready.
25:44Well, I don't see any reason why we can't.
25:45This is, this is, this is ludicrous!
25:47Okay, wheels are already in motion!
25:50I'm paying you money for, for results!
25:53For the record, I am categorically opposed to any of this.
25:58It isn't right.
25:59What happened to Beverly Wood was a gross miscalculation on our part.
26:03We still don't know of any long-haul side effects.
26:06Like total body implosion?
26:07Would you get over the total body implosion already?
26:10It can happen.
26:11Yes, it could be a possibility.
26:15Finally, you admit it.
26:16That doesn't sound cool at all.
26:20It isn't.
26:21I really don't want to melt, Brian.
26:24Oh.
26:25Oh, you won't, baby.
26:26I promise.
26:28I assure you, you won't melt.
26:30If anything, total body implosion.
26:33Hashtag, here we go again.
26:34Okay, the minute something happens, contact me.
26:37I've got a fight to promote.
26:40Let's go.
26:40This is it.
26:51This is it.
26:52Turn it up.
26:53Turn it up.
26:55Jack Jackson here.
26:57Hot off the presses, ladies, gentlemen, and sports fans of all stripes and types.
27:01Gee whiz.
27:02I don't know where the hell this came from or what the hell they were thinking, but I
27:06know I'll be watching.
27:07Fortune over promotions dropped word of this David and Goliath story just a few minutes
27:12ago, featuring former socialite and social media star influencer, along with a slew of
27:17other job titles that aren't really jobs, Beverly Wood.
27:21You might remember her as the 50-foot demolitionist who crushed half the city with her hind end.
27:27She will be on the bill against newcomer Anaconda.
27:30Boy, I'd like to see how she got that name in an all-out, no-holds-barred, good old-fashioned
27:35catfight.
27:36Not unlike the one happening right behind me.
27:39The promoter calls this one Lord of the Girl Gantulas.
27:45Jesus Christ sucking down a fruit cup.
27:48That poor girl.
27:49Expect a bloodbath here, gang.
27:51Tale of the Tate says that Anaconda stands a towering five-foot nothing.
27:56She's gonna need an extra bowl of Wheaties that morning, I tell you.
28:00What's that?
28:01Time to set some lady bubbles on fire.
28:04Folks, this might just give her the edge she needs in this bout.
28:08We're gonna have to find out.
28:10Until more freaky news rolls in, this is Jack Jackson saying, keep hitting and kicking those
28:16balls.
28:17Oh my God, that was so exciting to see my face on TV again.
28:23I still don't know about this.
28:25Don't know about what?
28:25That was definitely my face.
28:27Yeah, I know that.
28:28And it's gorgeous.
28:30But to be honest, I don't like any of this.
28:33I feel like they're exploiting you all over again.
28:36But now I know I am.
28:37Now I can control it.
28:39I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop.
28:40With 50 million dollars, the only other shoe that's gonna drop is my custom Prada.
28:49Just kidding.
28:50I'm a working girl, wearing working boots.
28:53But that money will really help us dig out and set up.
28:57I suppose so.
28:58I know so.
29:01You deserve to be pampered too.
29:03You've been so good to me.
29:04I don't know.
29:06Mike, as if you didn't know it already, my entire giant heart belongs only to you.
29:12I'm never gonna go back to my old ways.
29:14You've taught me what's really important.
29:16What's that?
29:17It's the little things that matter.
29:20And you're pretty little, bud.
29:21Computer!
29:46Scan for that big little bitch.
29:51This could be it.
30:05Cross your digits.
30:07This needs to happen now!
30:10You've said that 20 times already.
30:12Well, this time I mean it!
30:13It's fight night!
30:15If this fails, it means you've failed.
30:23Which means I've failed.
30:25And I don't fail.
30:27You'll read me?
30:29Yeah.
30:30Okay.
30:32So, who's gonna eat it?
30:35Do you care who eats it?
30:37No.
30:38Well, then you eat it!
30:39No, no, no, no, you eat it.
30:41No, no, no, no, you eat it.
30:42No, no, no, I insist.
30:43No, I insist.
30:44I insist.
30:45Infinity times squared.
30:47I got into science because I was tired of being surrounded by morons.
30:51Yet, here I am.
30:54The purpose of the experiment was to replicate and cure world hunger.
30:59The gigantism is an undesirable side effect.
31:04Don't you get it?
31:05It doesn't have to be eaten.
31:07It just has to replicate.
31:09That's the first step.
31:10If it replicates, we know we're on the right track.
31:17Fuck that shit.
31:19I ain't eating that.
31:20Who are you betting on?
31:34You crazy?
31:36Of course my money's on the jolly pink giant over there.
31:39You don't even like her.
31:40I like making money.
31:41What if I told you that Anaconda gal sets her major yabos on fire for fun?
31:46That's half the youth of today.
31:48They're nuts.
31:50I'm still betting it all on Bev.
31:53Why don't you two take a long break?
32:01Hey, Bev.
32:02Hey, Mike.
32:03Can you come over here so we can talk for a second?
32:06Is everything okay?
32:07Yeah.
32:08No, I don't know.
32:11What is it?
32:12This fight.
32:14There's something that's been nagging at me.
32:17I mean, you're a big girl.
32:19Ha ha.
32:21You know what I mean?
32:23You're going to make your own decisions and do what you want to do.
32:27But I just want you to know that I wish you would reconsider.
32:31Why is that?
32:34Because I care about you, that's why.
32:38Because I love you.
32:39That's also why.
32:41Really?
32:42You've never told me that before.
32:44Well, it needed to be said.
32:47Because it's true.
32:48Then, say it again.
32:52I love you, Beverly Wood.
32:55I love you too, Mike!
32:56I've wanted to tell you for so long, but I was scared of being the first person to say it.
33:04Now, about this fight.
33:06You've supported me for so long, through the good and the bad.
33:10Way bad.
33:12Mostly bad.
33:13I don't think I like where this is going.
33:16And I'm not just doing it for me.
33:19I'm doing it for us.
33:20I just hope you can see from my perspective.
33:23I wish I could from this vantage point.
33:25Literally, so many bald spots up here.
33:27I'm not doing this just for me.
33:29I'm doing this for us.
33:31It sounds like you've made up your mind.
33:34So let's do this the only way we know how.
33:37And how's that?
33:39Big.
33:40I love you so much.
33:42I want the whole world to hear it.
33:45I love you, Mike!
33:47I love you, Mike!
33:49I love you, Mike!
33:50I love you, Mike!
33:52I love you, what?
33:53Computer.
33:56Locate the source of that hideous sound.
33:59Oh, I got you, girl.
34:14J.G. Randall, on location at Oil Bebeck Refinery.
34:18This site has been pumping food for almost a century.
34:20But in less than a month, the main event happening here
34:24will be a heart-pumping excitement
34:25the likes we've never seen before.
34:27This is War of General Cantuas.
34:32On one side, the once popular and now polarizing
34:35social media bombshell Beverly Wood.
34:38Fifty feet tall and God knows how much she weighs.
34:41On the other side, rising star,
34:43the squared circle and beyond, Anaconda.
34:47Clocking in at five foot four and...
34:50Listen, don't ask a woman how much she weighs, okay?
34:53Just don't do it.
34:54Anyway, this is War of the Girl Cantuas.
35:01We're fortunate to have both opponents with us today.
35:04We're both have set aside their beats
35:05for this exclusive interview.
35:07Who are we rooting for?
35:09Who is the villain?
35:10Anna, can you tell us why did you choose this fight?
35:14Why this hill to die on?
35:15Because you are going to die.
35:17You know that, right?
35:20Beverly, same question.
35:21I'm strictly about the money.
35:24Fair enough.
35:26This isn't about the money for me.
35:29Never, ever.
35:32Then what is it exactly?
35:35Fame.
35:38Maybe the money?
35:40By the way, your hair?
35:42It's crunchy.
35:43That's something coming from the Burlington Throat Factory.
35:53These ladies know how to go straight for the jugular.
35:56You're not going to want to miss this one, gang.
35:58Call your pay-per-view provider today.
36:00One month away, one night only.
36:02This is War of the Girl Cantuas.
36:05Back to you, Jack.
36:05And there you have it, folks.
36:08Crunchy hair?
36:09Don't care.
36:11Who will be victorious at the War of the Girl Cantuas?
36:20Today is Monday the 21st.
36:22Dr. Dennis has pulled the specimen from the solution
36:26and placed it on the plate.
36:28What trial number is this?
36:29This is trial number 69.
36:32I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
36:37What trial number is this again?
36:39This is trial number 69.
36:43I'm sorry.
36:44I'm sorry, that's wrong.
36:45What is so funny about 69?
36:48Oh, it's funny.
36:49Nothing at all.
36:50Classic.
36:51Those back to the million...
36:52Oh, ew, I get it.
36:54And I'm ignoring you.
36:57Traupodites.
36:58Ah, my favorite dinosaur.
37:00Well?
37:00Get on with it.
37:04No failure.
37:06Well, here goes nothing.
37:08And when I say nothing, please, please, don't be nothing.
37:10Maybe a good luck drum roll.
37:12Okay.
37:21So, that's like flaccid.
37:25Nothing.
37:25Now we commence trial number 70.
37:30Any jokes about that one?
37:32Oh, no, because you know why?
37:3370's not funny.
37:35Because I've always thought 70 is a much livelier number.
37:39Am I right, ladies?
37:40It's 69.
37:53It's incredible.
37:54It's an edible.
37:56Oh, no.
37:57I know.
37:57No, no, no.
37:58Not yet.
37:59No, no, no.
38:00I said incredible not edible so what now total body implosion
38:20What gives
38:23If we're gonna go through with this you got to be prepared get up. Let's get cracking. I
38:27I teach you to wrestle out of box and how to bite
38:40Chicks don't fight fair
38:46Watch your hands up high guard your head right right don't throw out here cuz then they're gonna hit you right here
38:51Hey everything tight right don't throw one punch through multiple punches one two three four right
39:01All right, that's your punching now
39:05Go kick right straight forward
39:08All right, we're gonna go straight at her right in her nose
39:15Nice wrecking boo
39:17Yeah, that's what we got
39:22Runnin at you you're gonna run she's gonna come try to grab you you want to dump down grab it come up
39:28Slam her down
39:35Not gonna be easy
39:47Holy Carl Sagan. Say again. Holy Carl Sagan. We've done it. Yes, we can get Beverly back to normal
40:07Computer
40:09Location of the source
40:11I don't even know
40:13Do it God I was paying my circuits. I call them that because they're sure cute
40:21Okay, she's go that away
40:26No that away
40:30Your ass is mine now bitch
40:32You're a bitch
40:33Yeah
40:42Miss Wood! Miss Wood! Beverly!
40:43Hey! We did it! We really did it!
40:45Congratulations, I knew you wouldn't die a virgin
40:47Oh, well, ew. That wasn't what I was talking about. Not even close.
40:49I'm sure there's still time
40:50Beverly, we've successfully recreated the mystery modified protein
40:54Beverly, we've successfully recreated the mystery modified protein
40:58Beverly woods unholy
41:00Mietrimony
41:01I know I know. Yes, that was
41:02I named
41:03How by yourself?
41:04What an achievement. The point is the re-experiment is a success
41:08The hot dog replicated
41:10Woohoo
41:12Honestly, I'm a bit shocked. I thought you'd be beside yourself
41:15I'm one big bitch not two
41:18I don't think you're quite grasping this so let me be more specific
41:22This means we can reverse engineer the specimen
41:27Beverly woods unholy
41:28Stop it, just stop it
41:29It's literally the worst name for a world-changing product ever
41:33I liked it, I thought it was rad
41:35You would
41:36Beverly wood
41:37Experiment
41:38Success
41:39You small
41:40Now
41:41You small
41:43Now
41:45You small
41:46Now
41:47You small
41:48Now
41:49You small
41:50Now
41:51You mean you successfully recreated the meat experiment
41:56And reverse synthesized it so that I can be a normal sized human again?
42:00Yes, exactly
42:01Why didn't you just say that?
42:03I really don't know
42:04Yay, goodbye big bitch hello shoe and panty shopping spree
42:09Yay, retail therapy
42:11Could this thing work?
42:13Per our calculations
42:15I'm confident to a one-tenth of a percentile of a one-hundred percent success this can and will happen, baby
42:25Hmm
42:27What's wrong? I thought this is what you wanted
42:30More than anything in the world to be normal sized again, to really be with Mike
42:34Then why the hashtag sad face?
42:37The fight
42:38It's tomorrow
42:39Then hold off
42:41We really need the money
42:43Look at me
42:44I'm shaking
42:45That explains the tremors
42:49Screw it, how soon can we do this?
42:52How soon can you be at my lab?
42:54Color me gone
42:55And pink
42:56Color me gone
42:57And pink
42:58And pink
43:00And pink
43:01And pink
43:02Moaning
43:03To see
43:04The white
43:05No
43:06No
43:07It's not
43:08It's not
43:09It's not
43:10We had a
43:24To hmm
43:25A tall stack snack
43:27where are you a little something for good luck tomorrow not that you're gonna
43:33need it and show you how much I love you
43:39there honey my tall stack snack where are you there you are
44:00not who you were expecting huh what the hell is this the edge I needed this is not
44:09good you don't know what you're messing with I do and I love it I have always been bigger than life
44:17a woman eventually grows into herself I just needed a little something to get me there
44:25you're even bigger than she is now 60 feet and worth the climb well wait if the doctors made
44:36you tall then maybe they could reverse it why would anybody not want this it is a curse trust
44:45me spoken like the little bug of a man that you are does does Beverly know about this about you
44:52wanted to reveal myself just before the fight watch her cower the ultimate mindfuck where is she I wish I
45:05knew she better not be a no-show tomorrow or else rough what
45:12what
45:14or else this
45:15ah
45:19ah
45:21ah
45:23ah
45:25ah
45:27ah
45:29ah
45:31ah
45:33ah
45:50ah
45:52ah
45:54ah
45:56ah
45:58ah
46:13ah
46:15ah
46:17ah
46:18ah
46:19ah
46:21ah
46:23fuck it
46:38ah
46:40ah
46:42ah
46:44ah
46:46ah
46:48ah
47:03ah
47:05uh
47:07ah
47:09ah
47:11ah
47:13ah
47:15love
47:16Do you see her? I mean, you can't really miss her.
47:19She's here.
47:21She's probably getting a pep talk from her little rock digger friend.
47:27She's scared. You've got the element of surprise.
47:30Nobody, nobody could have expected you.
47:34All of you.
47:36What if she doesn't show? I'll look stupid.
47:39If she doesn't, she forfeits, and a win is a win.
47:42I came here for a glorious bloodbath!
47:46This is not a glorious bloodbath!
48:03Jack Jackson reporting on this colossal event of epic proportions,
48:08breaking all recorded pay-per-view records.
48:10There are a lot of freaks out there in the home audience, all tuning in for...
48:17Beverlywood, Anaconda, who will survive and what will be left of them.
48:22The main event starts right here. Right now, let's get to it.
48:26Hey, where the hell is she?
48:28No idea.
48:30Well, find her! You know how much is riding on this!
48:32Do you think we're safe standing here?
48:40Absolutely. No question about it.
48:42So, were you able to shrink her down?
48:44Trust me. Just stay with me.
48:46Hope you didn't do anything stupid, Bev.
48:57We seem to be missing one of the girls.
48:59Beverly Wood is missing!
49:02She's too scared to show her face without a filter?
49:05Come on!
49:06I want to fight somebody who wants to come down and tackle!
49:12I don't want to waste my murder mode.
49:15Greetings, sluts. I have traveled the reaches of time and space to meet the call of battle.
49:38Oh, my God.
49:42I don't even know what the hell this is.
49:44But let's watch and find out.
49:47You will answer that call, or I will hang up on your ass.
49:50Who the hell are you?
49:52I am Spaceor!
49:54Reigning warrior champion of Buximus and beyond.
49:58Spaceor?
50:00Fool!
50:01Another slip of the tongue and you will be choked with it!
50:04For I am Spaceor!
50:06That's what I said! Spaceor!
50:09Spaceor!
50:10Yeah, Spaceor...
50:13Insolence.
50:15In a serious turn of events, a Spaceor, presumably a whore from space, has challenged our lone contestant.
50:22This could be pretty cool.
50:25You will accept my challenge, or you will die.
50:27Well, accept or not, and you will die.
50:30The choice is not yours.
50:32Get it?
50:33Tramp?
50:34Shut your Spaceor, Mel!
50:36And get your ass down here.
50:38Face me like a real woman!
50:41A real woman?
50:43Nay!
50:43For I am not passive-aggressive.
50:45I'm aggressive-aggressive!
50:47Get your ass down here!
50:49You will soon feel my wrath!
50:51Earth insect, Beverly Wood.
50:54Beverly Wood?
50:55I'm not Beverly Wood!
50:56I'm Anaconda!
50:58Lies!
50:59For there is only one giant amongst your kind, and it is thine, Beverly Wood.
51:03You got the wrong bitch!
51:06Bitch!
51:07You will do battle with me, or all will suffer the consequences of your cowardice.
51:12And when I win, I will bring your head to my home planet as a trophy, and all your wussy race will be enslaved!
51:21Earth will bite the big one!
51:22And if I win, you will not!
51:32It's up to you, baby!
51:33For every 13 Earth seconds you make me wait for a decision, I will destroy a beloved monument of your people!
51:39Why 13 seconds?
51:41That's so random!
51:43Deal with it!
51:44Fate-to-Earth time conversion is a real bitch!
51:48To prove the gravity of the situation, behold!
51:56How do you like those space apples?
51:59I kinda like it.
52:01Time is running out!
52:03You have to listen to me!
52:05I am Anaconda, not Beverly Woods!
52:09Three, two, one!
52:11Time's up!
52:15It's kind of a fetish, right?
52:17Do you heed the warrior's call?
52:20I'm thinking, cause I kinda like how you're redecorating.
52:24Three, two, one!
52:26Gotcha!
52:31No!
52:32Had enough!
52:33I'm telling you!
52:34You got the wrong girl!
52:37I am Anaconda!
52:39Not Beverly Woods!
52:41I don't care if you're Gertrude, my Calicuddy!
52:44Fight me, or perish!
52:46You kinda gotta do it, right?
52:47No fight, no money!
52:50This isn't about the money.
52:52This is about saving Earth.
52:54Whatever fills your jobs, babe.
52:57Okay, space snatch.
52:59Let's rumble!
53:00I thought you'd never ask!
53:02Woohoo!
53:03Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!
53:04You're all right!
53:07Shall we?
53:09Hell yeah!
53:11Shall we?
53:13Hell yeah!
53:23Oh, oh my god!
53:24Oh my god!
53:40The battle of the planet!
53:41The battle of the planet!
53:43The battle of the planet!
53:44The battle of the planet!
53:45No...
53:46What?
53:47Ah!
53:48Ah!
53:49That's a alien, you think!
53:50I got the trick!
53:51Ah!
53:53Ah!
53:54Oh!
53:57Ah!
53:58I'm failing, you think? That's a trick!
54:29Give up yet? Never!
54:31I knew you were a dumbass hoe.
54:33Your head is gonna look so good about my knackles!
54:38Hey!
54:44God, your timing sucks, babe.
54:46Get off my planet, bitch!
54:49Who the frick are you?
54:53Hell yeah!
54:58I love you, Beverly! I believe in you!
55:21I love you, Beverly! I believe in you!
55:28I hope!
55:31Ugh!
55:32Ugh!
55:36Ugh!
55:41Ugh!
55:42One!
55:43girl you're done tits up you must do what needs to be done i promised my boyfriend i wouldn't get
55:55stupid drunk anymore not that the ultimate finish he in the streets and crawl home you dumb ass hoes
56:03then what you must end me here everyone's watching kill me you have to kill me for the love of
56:13petunia ew not ew it is the warrior's way to not shame me by killing me like some totally lame loser
56:23hold that thought what are we going to do with her is that we left the bitch ew harsh
56:31that's what she wants what mike taught me about being an actually good person is you can't always
56:37get what you want yeah holy moly folks this was the most amazing thing i've ever seen i don't think
56:45i'm gonna be forgetting about it anytime soon are you of course you won't this is jack jackson closing
56:52out the show here at oil be back refinery all she needs is a really good spanking i think you're
57:00good riddance yay earth oh really now that was one and done i'm just so happy to be living another day
57:19i'll allow it congratulations you know what just came to me i think i can get you two double booked
57:28in vegas that's what happens when friends set aside their differences right are we friends now yes best
57:37great job ladies i am so proud of both of you hey everyone we're all gonna get laid
57:52beaverly beaverly why can't you see beaverly oh beaverly play tricks on me
58:18how can i can't believe how can i believe something's got a hold on me
58:25cause i can count your kisses one one two three
58:33girlfriend play house with me
58:42girlfriend
58:47dark turners will be
58:50girlfriend
58:55stay
58:58with me
59:00baby
59:05a