Adam, a small-town auto-mechanic, celebrates his 24th birthday with his childhood friends Chris, Nick and Ortu. At the bar, Chris meets a girl who he believes to be named Tracy and tries to pair her friend with Adam, but he declines.
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Short filmTranscript
00:00:00Today's the day.
00:00:21This is it.
00:00:24Whew.
00:00:27All right, guys, I want to talk to you about something.
00:00:29Um, this isn't easy for me, but I'm turning 24 today,
00:00:34and I think it's just time I told you the truth.
00:00:39What I mean is...
00:00:41Okay, so the thing is that, um...
00:00:43Hey, Martha, how are you?
00:01:01Adam, I hope you like blueberries.
00:01:03Oh, wow, thanks.
00:01:04You didn't have to do all this?
00:01:05Oh, nonsense.
00:01:06It was no trouble at all.
00:01:07It's just leftovers from church group this week.
00:01:09Oh, yeah.
00:01:09So nice to have a good, strong man like yourself that enjoys my cooking.
00:01:13Oh, thank you.
00:01:14Oh, and you're still free next Saturday, right?
00:01:16Oh, Saturday?
00:01:17My niece is definitely coming this time, and I have told her all about you.
00:01:20Oh, yeah, about that.
00:01:21I haven't...
00:01:22Actually, Saturday's not really good for me.
00:01:24Oh, you must.
00:01:25Okay, but...
00:01:25You must.
00:01:26Well, there's...
00:01:26You have to.
00:01:27You'll be thrilled to do it.
00:01:28It's got to happen, I tell you.
00:01:30Oh, wait.
00:01:30Did I catch you at a bad time?
00:01:32Oh, no, it's just...
00:01:33It's Chris.
00:01:33He's just, uh...
00:01:34He's just picking me up.
00:01:35Oh, you boys don't get in any trouble.
00:01:37Don't do anything the good Lord wouldn't do.
00:01:38Okay, thanks.
00:01:39Thanks for these.
00:01:40Oh, I have to see Chris.
00:01:41I can't do it.
00:01:42I've got to see you.
00:01:42Hi, Chris!
00:01:43Hey, Martha!
00:01:44You have got to bang your neighbor, man.
00:01:47It is the least you can do.
00:01:48Nah, it's not like I'm keeping her Tupperware.
00:01:51Besides, she's trying to set me up with her niece.
00:01:52Dude, then bang the freaking niece, man.
00:01:54What are you waiting for?
00:01:57I don't think I can do that, man.
00:01:59Thing is...
00:02:00Dude, I don't want to hear your excuses.
00:02:01You're too damn nitpicky.
00:02:02That's why you're on a cold streak.
00:02:04I don't care how busted this chick is.
00:02:05Give her your dick and keep the muffins coming.
00:02:08Yeah.
00:02:11It's gonna be an awesome night.
00:02:13He's 25, trying to stay alive
00:02:22Trying to pay rent, trying to survive
00:02:24No dollars in my pocket, yeah, I'm losing my mind
00:02:27Yeah, I'm trying to pay rent
00:02:29Where I'm from, it's summer when it's raining
00:02:42I'm so used to everyone complaining
00:02:45I'm scrubbing floors, now I'm the one complaining
00:02:47Trying to make some money so I can see the ladies
00:02:50Statue of liberty
00:02:51What you gonna give to me?
00:02:52Who's a personal� did to me?
00:02:54I'm gonna tell you what you're saying
00:02:54Who's coming from, 1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1s?
00:02:55I'm sorry!
00:02:56Yeah, I'm so used to them
00:02:58She doesn't require it
00:02:58What's coming from, 1-3-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-2?
00:04:00Oh, yeah.
00:04:01What's the rush?
00:04:02The rush is that I haven't had a Saturday off in over a month.
00:04:05Michelle or from work?
00:04:06From both, dude.
00:04:08And I am going to savor every minute of it.
00:04:11Am I being hungover all day?
00:04:13Yeah.
00:04:14How'd you like that video we seen, huh?
00:04:15Oh, yeah.
00:04:16Shit was a real screamer, man.
00:04:17And then that dude, like, dropped a DQ blizzard on her face.
00:04:20Yeah, I could never finish those.
00:04:21It's almost as bad as the one I dropped on Ortuz's mom's face last night.
00:04:24Ow!
00:04:25Hey, watch the eyes!
00:04:26Domination.
00:04:27Oh, Adam.
00:04:28You want to get gay?
00:04:29You want to get gay?
00:04:30Oh, yeah.
00:04:31Let's get raising shots.
00:04:32What?
00:04:33You want a shot?
00:04:34I'll get gay.
00:04:35I'll get gay.
00:04:36Oh, yeah.
00:04:37Yeah.
00:04:38Yeah, sure.
00:04:39Birthday.
00:04:40Birthday.
00:04:41Birthday.
00:04:42Birthday.
00:04:43Boys, there are some good-looking girls here tonight.
00:04:46Best of luck to all of you.
00:04:47Happy birthday, Adam.
00:04:48Cheers.
00:04:49Cheers, Adam.
00:04:50Alright.
00:04:51So, uh...
00:04:52Holy tits.
00:04:57You gotta be fucking kidding me, dude.
00:05:00You guys are so lucky you don't have girlfriends, man.
00:05:02Look at those bombs.
00:05:03You could just bury your face in them and be totally fine with it.
00:05:06Yeah, I don't think she'd be totally fine with it.
00:05:08You don't think they're together, do you?
00:05:09I think so, man.
00:05:11I don't think they're together.
00:05:15Okay, so, um, what I was saying before was...
00:05:17Is she looking?
00:05:18Uh...
00:05:19No.
00:05:20What about now?
00:05:21What about now?
00:05:22Vascular as hell, bro.
00:05:23Never mind.
00:05:25Jeez, man.
00:05:26What's going on with you?
00:05:28Nah, you seem weird.
00:05:30No, it's just, um...
00:05:33What?
00:05:34Uh...
00:05:36The girl, to your right in the fanny pack, she's totally eye-fucking you.
00:05:40Yeah.
00:05:41Yeah, right now.
00:05:42Who's here?
00:05:43Ben!
00:05:44Who's here?
00:05:45I'm in the fanny pack, boys.
00:05:47I got a cramp.
00:05:49Oh.
00:05:50Oh, yeah, just a quick, quick selfie.
00:05:55This is Prada.
00:05:56Uh, yeah.
00:05:57Actually, it is.
00:05:58It costs, like, $2,000.
00:05:59I've never touched anything that expensive before.
00:06:01I'm sorry.
00:06:02Oh, my God, you guys.
00:06:03We need to dance now.
00:06:04We need to dance, right?
00:06:05We need to dance right now.
00:06:06We absolutely do need to dance.
00:06:07Mm-hmm.
00:06:08Hey, Adam.
00:06:09We need to dance right now.
00:06:10I've got a dance partner for you right here.
00:06:12Oh, no.
00:06:13Hey, Adam.
00:06:14Hi.
00:06:15Hi.
00:06:16Hi.
00:06:17Hi.
00:06:18Hi.
00:06:19Hi.
00:06:20Hi.
00:06:21Hi.
00:06:22Hi.
00:06:23Hi.
00:06:24Hi.
00:06:25This is Adam, my dancing friend.
00:06:36My God.
00:06:37I mean, you're not.
00:06:40You're not.
00:06:41He's great in bed, too.
00:06:42Real giver.
00:06:43How do you know?
00:06:45Well, you don't sleep with your best friends?
00:06:48That's selfish.
00:06:50Okay, why don't you guys make out right now?
00:06:53Mm-hmm.
00:06:57Okay, we'd love to.
00:06:59Should we make out right now?
00:07:00We'll do it if they do it, kind of thing?
00:07:04I'm waiting.
00:07:05You see, the thing is, we've both been drinking.
00:07:07Yeah, we've been drinking, so.
00:07:08It'd be cheap.
00:07:09Cheap, very cheap.
00:07:10Cheap if we made out, yeah.
00:07:12I really have to pee.
00:07:18Oh, fuck yeah.
00:07:20Hey, did you just take a picture of me?
00:07:23Uh, yeah.
00:07:26I, he was, uh, he was snapping that guy's unibrow.
00:07:32You think you're fucking TMZ or something
00:07:34taking fucking pictures of me?
00:07:36I can't tell if he's surprised or mad.
00:07:38Hey, you got beef, we can step outside.
00:07:40Fuck that, it's cold outside.
00:07:42Yeah, man, not all of us wore
00:07:43our favorite leather jacket to the bar.
00:07:48Said let's step outside.
00:07:53What's wrong with you?
00:07:55Come on.
00:07:56What's wrong with you?
00:07:57Come on.
00:08:00Don't be a pussy.
00:08:03You can do this.
00:08:05Dude.
00:08:08Don't yell at the little guy.
00:08:10Just take a breath.
00:08:13Relax your toes.
00:08:15It'll come.
00:08:15So you did take a picture of my sister's chest.
00:08:22You let your sister dress like that?
00:08:24That's your sister?
00:08:25What's wrong with you?
00:08:26Oh!
00:08:27Chris!
00:08:29Stay, stay.
00:08:30Listen, I know this isn't the right time, but I wanted to say-
00:08:33Fuck these chicks, we gotta go.
00:08:34You're the brown guy, I got crazy.
00:08:36Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go.
00:08:38I'm fine.
00:08:39Sorry.
00:08:42Okay.
00:08:43I'm so sorry.
00:08:44It's okay.
00:08:45It's okay.
00:08:46You're fine.
00:08:47I'm gonna call you, okay?
00:08:48Okay.
00:08:48All right.
00:08:49See ya.
00:08:49I'm sorry.
00:08:50No, don't be sorry.
00:08:51I scared him away.
00:08:52It's fine.
00:08:53I'm a good friend.
00:08:54I'm a terrible friend.
00:09:08Chris.
00:09:25Chris.
00:09:30Chris.
00:09:31Hmm?
00:09:32I'm gay.
00:09:35I'm gay, man.
00:09:36No, I-I like guys.
00:09:43Huh?
00:09:46I'm gay.
00:09:50Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no!
00:09:53You okay?
00:09:55You all right?
00:09:56Fuck, man.
00:09:57Yes.
00:09:58Yeah, I'm fine.
00:09:59That's not you.
00:10:00It's the excessive alcohol.
00:10:02What the hell's going on?
00:10:03I'm hurt, man.
00:10:08Adam's gay.
00:10:13I gotta take a shit.
00:10:15I should-I should just head out.
00:10:16No, no, no, no, no.
00:10:17No, no, it's cool.
00:10:18I'm gonna go.
00:10:19It's okay.
00:10:20Let you guys soak it in.
00:10:21Adam, Adam, it's fine, man.
00:10:22What the hell?
00:10:23Is he fucking with us?
00:10:24Adam can't be gay.
00:10:25The dude eats steak every day.
00:10:26He was eating out Dorothy Cuda in the eighth grade.
00:10:27Dorothy fucking Cuda.
00:10:28I once saw him rebuild the entire engine on a 68 Mustang.
00:10:30Was that before or after he ass-banged you?
00:10:31Okay, dude.
00:10:32Too soon.
00:10:33Oh.
00:10:34Oh.
00:10:35Forgot I didn't drive.
00:10:38So you're really gay, huh?
00:10:54So you're really gay, huh?
00:10:59Yeah.
00:11:01Cool.
00:11:02Cool.
00:11:03Cool.
00:11:04You've had sex with women before.
00:11:07You dated Courtney for a year, cried when she broke up with you.
00:11:11Yeah, but that was like, that was like two years ago.
00:11:16I mean, who have I been with since?
00:11:19I mean, I just thought you had really oddly high standards in women.
00:11:24I do.
00:11:25They just need to be dudes.
00:11:30So, why didn't you tell me before?
00:11:34I tried to tell you guys last night.
00:11:36Oh man, I mean like way the fuck before.
00:11:38I don't know.
00:11:42Your parents know?
00:11:43No, God no.
00:11:44It's hard enough telling you guys.
00:11:49Believe me, I wanted to tell you before.
00:11:51I wanted to tell you for like, ever.
00:11:53You know?
00:11:58I didn't want things to be weird between us.
00:12:07Nothing's gonna change.
00:12:09I promise.
00:12:13Okay.
00:12:19What do we even talk about now?
00:12:35I can't believe you didn't know.
00:12:37It was so obvious.
00:12:39You knew?
00:12:40I mean, come on.
00:12:41He's a good looking guy and he's never tried to fuck any of my friends.
00:12:44So that doesn't mean anything?
00:12:45My friends are hot.
00:12:49You know, you should invite him over for a threesome.
00:12:51I'm sure he'd love that.
00:12:52Oh, that's a great idea.
00:12:54Yeah, let me call him up right now.
00:12:56No, I'm serious.
00:12:57You know he wants you, right?
00:12:59Shut up.
00:13:00No, he doesn't want me.
00:13:01Now just get hard because I have a date tonight.
00:13:03Oh yeah?
00:13:04What's up?
00:13:05Just some guy.
00:13:06I don't know.
00:13:07Why?
00:13:08Are you jealous?
00:13:09Not at all.
00:13:10Should I be?
00:13:11Okay, well just take your pants off and don't touch my face because I feel like I'm starting to break out.
00:13:14Uh-oh.
00:13:15Hey, Paul.
00:13:16Dude, I guarantee you a hot-ass milf drives this thing, man.
00:13:21For sure.
00:13:22Actually, you know what?
00:13:2390,000 miles.
00:13:24I think she used to drive it.
00:13:25Now the daughter drives it.
00:13:26I don't know.
00:13:27I don't know.
00:13:28I don't know.
00:13:29I don't know.
00:13:30I don't know.
00:13:31I don't know.
00:13:32I don't know.
00:13:33I don't know.
00:13:34I don't know.
00:13:35I don't know.
00:13:36I don't know.
00:13:37I don't know.
00:13:38I don't know.
00:13:39I don't know.
00:13:40Actually, you know what?
00:13:4190,000 miles.
00:13:42I think she used to drive it.
00:13:43Now the daughter drives it.
00:13:45Oh, yeah.
00:13:46Give that a whiff, man.
00:13:47I'm thinking 19, strawberry blonde, volleyball player maybe.
00:13:51Take a rip.
00:13:52Get deep.
00:13:53Tell me I'm wrong.
00:13:54Hey, come on.
00:13:55Get back to work here.
00:13:56Let's go.
00:13:57Right.
00:13:58Checking the fucking mirrors, man.
00:13:59Let's go.
00:14:00Out of the car.
00:14:01See, this one's broke.
00:14:02I'm glad I checked this one.
00:14:03This one was fucked up.
00:14:08Think he's gonna show?
00:14:10It's poker night.
00:14:11He'll be here.
00:14:12Mike.
00:14:30Alright, boys.
00:14:31Last card.
00:14:39Man, so Chris, you ever call that fanny pack?
00:14:41Call that Fanny Pat girl?
00:14:42Eh, no.
00:14:43What's the matter? Afraid your fuck buddy's gonna get upset?
00:14:46Me and Jess are not buddies. We're gonna like each other.
00:14:49So, what's the problem?
00:14:50I can't remember that chick's name, dude.
00:14:51I drunkenly saved up my phone like an idiot.
00:14:54Let me see that. I'm really good with this stuff.
00:14:59Train.
00:15:00Train.
00:15:01You saved her name in your phone as Train?
00:15:04Yeah.
00:15:05Raise 20.
00:15:07Damn it, if you didn't get that 10 on the river, I could have sucked you dry.
00:15:12Oh, man.
00:15:17Hey, uh, can I see your phone?
00:15:18Mm-hmm.
00:15:20Damn.
00:15:24Alright, boys.
00:15:26Daddy's all in.
00:15:28See what you got.
00:15:36Stop that.
00:15:39Cut it out, man. Come on. Stop.
00:15:41Stop. Just...
00:15:42What?
00:15:42Dude, man, cut it out. I got two eights, okay?
00:15:46I call.
00:15:49Fuck this.
00:15:51It's probably Tracy.
00:15:53Huh?
00:15:54Well, if it starts with T-R-A, it's, you know, probably Tracy, right?
00:15:58Yeah.
00:15:59Uh, yeah, I could see her being a Tracy.
00:16:03Yeah.
00:16:10Okay, I'm gonna head out. Uh, I'll see you guys tomorrow.
00:16:14Alright.
00:16:15Tomorrow?
00:16:16Yeah, you guys are gonna come over for the hockey playoffs, right?
00:16:19Oh, yeah.
00:16:21Yeah.
00:16:21See you then, man.
00:16:22Cool.
00:16:25Okay.
00:16:29He definitely wants to fuck me.
00:16:30This is all your fault.
00:16:35My fault?
00:16:36Yeah.
00:16:36It's with your St. Gay rum and EDM.
00:16:39You're the one who turned Adam gay.
00:16:41Are you fucking serious?
00:16:44You're the one who goes to all these Taylor Swift concerts.
00:16:46First of all, T-Swift is a singing angel.
00:16:49Mr. Skinny Jeans and Ladies Deodorant.
00:16:51I've got sensitive underarms.
00:16:53It's not a secret.
00:16:53Oh, yeah, that's right.
00:16:54You do take bubble baths with the...
00:16:55Dude, you're the one who dragged us to see Les Mis.
00:16:57Oh, fuck you, man.
00:16:58Les Mis is a classic.
00:16:59Why don't you tweet about it?
00:17:00You don't have time to tweet because you're too busy sucking Adam dry.
00:17:02Oh, you were the one I fucking him all night.
00:17:04Okay, he was I fucking me.
00:17:05That's not what I saw, gay lord.
00:17:06You're full of it.
00:17:07I'm not a gay lord.
00:17:08I own a fantasy football team and I like Die Hard.
00:17:09Alright, guys, guys, stop.
00:17:11Stop.
00:17:11We shouldn't blame anybody.
00:17:13He was obviously born gay.
00:17:14No.
00:17:15No, it's fine, guys, okay?
00:17:17I'll take the fall on this one.
00:17:18He...
00:17:19I'm too good looking.
00:17:20No, it's nobody's fault because there's nothing wrong with him.
00:17:23The same guy, right?
00:17:30Right?
00:17:38...
00:17:38...
00:17:39...
00:17:40...
00:17:41...
00:17:42...
00:17:42...
00:17:43...
00:17:44...
00:17:45Can someone just say something, please?
00:18:12Uh...
00:18:13So, um, you really like the cock, huh?
00:18:17As much as you like strippers.
00:18:20No one could be that gay.
00:18:23Sorry.
00:18:24No, it's fine.
00:18:24Just say it, please.
00:18:25I know you guys don't mean anything by it.
00:18:27You guys have been saying shit like that for years.
00:18:29You sure?
00:18:31Yeah.
00:18:32No one could be that gay.
00:18:34Yeah.
00:18:36Gay.
00:18:38Gay.
00:18:39Gay.
00:18:39It's empowering.
00:18:45Oh, yeah.
00:18:48Coming.
00:18:58Oh, my God.
00:19:00He's watching porn again.
00:19:02Holy fuck.
00:19:03Yeah, I know.
00:19:04For a gay dude, you sure can't take a goddamn picture.
00:19:07Dude mingle?
00:19:07Yeah.
00:19:12Hey, cutie.
00:19:14Can't wait for tomorrow night.
00:19:17I think they banged.
00:19:18I mean, I'd fuck this guy.
00:19:19Okay.
00:19:20By the way, Adam's coming.
00:19:21Yeah, on Brad Starr's lower neck.
00:19:22Oh, fuck.
00:19:22Go on.
00:19:26Icing.
00:19:27Oh, come on.
00:19:28You can't blow the whistle that quick.
00:19:29So fucking gay.
00:19:31No offense, Adam.
00:19:33No offense for what?
00:19:35Well, you said something about the gays.
00:19:38And then you apologized to Adam.
00:19:42Yeah.
00:19:43Adam doesn't like when we use profanity in his house, Martha.
00:19:46He cannot stand that shit.
00:19:48Sorry, Adam.
00:19:49No offense, Adam.
00:19:50Sorry, buddy.
00:19:50I had no idea he was so pious.
00:19:53I'm going to take him to my church group sometime.
00:19:56No offense.
00:19:56Sure.
00:19:57I wouldn't touch that.
00:19:58The battery's dead.
00:19:59I think my niece has one.
00:20:01Oh, it's neat.
00:20:02I can't.
00:20:06Yeah, I'll take that.
00:20:07Thanks, Martha.
00:20:07It was really great.
00:20:08Appreciate it.
00:20:11Um.
00:20:11You all right?
00:20:13Yeah, I cleaned it for you.
00:20:14I'll clean now.
00:20:15Oh, no, nothing.
00:20:16I just feel a little faint.
00:20:17That's all.
00:20:17I think I'm going to go lie down.
00:20:19You know, it's getting late.
00:20:21Decent people lie down.
00:20:22Okay.
00:20:23Decent.
00:20:25That's what I'm doing.
00:20:26Decent.
00:20:29What?
00:20:36Menopause, man.
00:20:37It's a bitch.
00:20:38My mom slapped a kid at Macy's once.
00:20:41Okay.
00:20:41Oh, my God.
00:20:55What?
00:20:56Hey, sorry, uh, Ghostbusters was on.
00:21:19I totally lost track of time.
00:21:21Okay.
00:21:24All right.
00:21:26So, Brad, when'd you take that profile picture?
00:21:38I'm sorry.
00:21:39That's not me.
00:21:40Oh.
00:21:41It's a little dishonest.
00:21:42Well, you know, but I felt like we had this real connection online, and I didn't want to run the risk of not getting to know you better, because it's something as shallow as looks.
00:21:52Right?
00:21:54You're not shallow, are you?
00:21:56So, how's your friend feeling?
00:21:59Kim.
00:22:00Yeah.
00:22:01She says she's never drinking again.
00:22:03Never?
00:22:03Yeah.
00:22:04Wow.
00:22:05So, Friday then?
00:22:07Yeah, probably Thursday.
00:22:08Probably Thursday.
00:22:09Okay.
00:22:09Um, actually, on Thursday, it's karaoke night at the rail.
00:22:13Oh.
00:22:14You should come.
00:22:15I should.
00:22:16Yeah, and bring your friends.
00:22:18Adam, was it?
00:22:19Yeah, it was.
00:22:20Are you inviting me on a date?
00:22:22Yeah, like a group.
00:22:24A group gathering.
00:22:25It's fun.
00:22:26Yeah.
00:22:26It will be fun.
00:22:27Um, I would love to go.
00:22:29I don't think that Adam and Kim are gonna work.
00:22:33Why, because she puked everywhere?
00:22:35No.
00:22:37He's gay.
00:22:38He's gay?
00:22:39Yeah.
00:22:40Are you serious?
00:22:41He's gay.
00:22:41So the two of you actually have slept together then?
00:22:44No, that was a joke.
00:22:45I didn't even know that he was gay until he woke me up and told me that next morning.
00:22:50Were you in bed together?
00:22:51This is cool and great.
00:22:55Yeah.
00:22:56I love this place.
00:22:56It's cool.
00:22:58Oh, I got this.
00:22:59No, we can split it.
00:23:00No, no, you can make it up to me later.
00:23:03Now, what do you say we get out of here and head back to my place?
00:23:06You're gonna love my basement.
00:23:08I've got it totally pimped out.
00:23:09Xbox 360.
00:23:12Have you ever heard Huey Lewis and the News on vinyl?
00:23:15You want to take me to your basement?
00:23:16It'll be fun.
00:23:18Oh, did you want one of these?
00:23:19Sorry, it's Ropex.
00:23:20It's really great for, you know.
00:23:24It's made me feel so uncomfortable.
00:23:26Like, having a gay guy around, it makes him almost feel so...
00:23:29Oh, my God, what is wrong with you?
00:23:31What do you mean?
00:23:32Your friend just came out of the closet.
00:23:33Do you have any idea how hard that is?
00:23:35Yeah, it's been very hard.
00:23:38That's what I'm trying to tell you.
00:23:40No, not for you.
00:23:41For him, you moron.
00:23:44Oh, my God, your best friend just told you how his life is gonna change forever,
00:23:48and all you're concerned about is how it made poker night awkward.
00:23:53And the hockey game.
00:23:55I'm kidding.
00:23:56Let's change the subject.
00:23:58These mojitos are really good.
00:23:59I know what you're thinking.
00:24:04A basement.
00:24:05Real romantic, right?
00:24:07Mm-hmm.
00:24:07But I'm telling you, it's totally discreet.
00:24:09Not even my wife is allowed down there.
00:24:11Shit.
00:24:12Man, that's awesome.
00:24:13I would love to, but I just have to go water my plants.
00:24:17Oh, water your plants, huh?
00:24:18Yeah.
00:24:19How's that one go?
00:24:19Uh, you tilt your head to the side.
00:24:23Oh, okay.
00:24:23Yeah, keep your eyes shut, and then...
00:24:26Then what?
00:24:31So, how was your date last night?
00:24:34Oh, dude.
00:24:36Long story short, Tracy thinks I'm a giant asshole.
00:24:39Oh, man.
00:24:40I thought girls like giant assholes.
00:24:42Not this one, man.
00:24:43She is different.
00:24:45Oh.
00:24:49Adam, are you good?
00:24:53Are you happy?
00:24:55Yeah.
00:24:56I guess so.
00:24:57Okay.
00:24:58I figured, you know.
00:25:00You seem happy.
00:25:02Just...
00:25:02I told you that nothing was going to change.
00:25:04You guys are trying.
00:25:06Appreciate it.
00:25:08You know, things could have been a lot worse with Tracy.
00:25:11I doubt it.
00:25:13Really?
00:25:13Yeah.
00:25:14Was she 45 and married?
00:25:16Did she want to take you to her basement, make you a sex slave?
00:25:19What?
00:25:20Dude, what happened here?
00:25:21Nothing happened.
00:25:23At least you have Jess.
00:25:24I mean...
00:25:25I just want someone.
00:25:27Yeah.
00:25:28What are you talking about, man?
00:25:30You're a good-looking guy.
00:25:31I'm sure you've broken a million guys' hearts.
00:25:36Not really.
00:25:38I mean, Scott Lombardi, but that was six years ago.
00:25:42Scott Lombardi?
00:25:43Yeah.
00:25:44No!
00:25:45When you were helping him fix his Camaro?
00:25:47Oh, yeah.
00:25:47Yeah.
00:25:47Yeah.
00:25:49Yeah.
00:25:50Oh, wow.
00:25:53Yeah, but that was high school.
00:25:56I mean, think about how many girls you guys have been with since then.
00:26:04Yeah.
00:26:05We need to cheer him up, guys.
00:26:09He's not happy.
00:26:11I don't think he's been happy for a while.
00:26:13Okay, well, I'm still not going to let him fuck me.
00:26:16Nick, nobody wants to fuck you.
00:26:18You're just...
00:26:18Now you're being a liar.
00:26:19Guys, can we take this seriously?
00:26:22I mean, do you have any idea what a depressed gay man is capable of?
00:26:26Writing a shitty emo song.
00:26:28Winning a Tony.
00:26:29Yeah, true.
00:26:30But loneliness sucks.
00:26:32I mean, what if Nick was lonely?
00:26:33If, hypothetically, Nick was a sad, lonely person?
00:26:36Yeah.
00:26:36Because he pushes people away with his anger?
00:26:38Fuck you, man.
00:26:39I'm not...
00:26:39I plowed three and a half girls this last month.
00:26:42It's more than you plowed in the last...
00:26:44Half.
00:26:44Okay, but Adam is a real person.
00:26:46Fuck you guys.
00:26:47I got feelings.
00:26:48Well, then prove it.
00:26:49Instead of turning everything into a fucking your mom joke.
00:26:52Okay, well, what do you want us to do?
00:26:57Yeah, there's like this, like, uh, the grinding kind of noise.
00:27:00Yeah, it's, uh, it's the head gasket.
00:27:03It's definitely the head gasket.
00:27:03Oh, yeah, that's what I thought it was.
00:27:05Yeah, yeah, I'm fucking with you.
00:27:06Just change your oil.
00:27:09Hey, uh, can I...
00:27:11Can I ask you a question?
00:27:13Yeah.
00:27:14What's up?
00:27:20It's a power bottom.
00:27:22Do you really want to know?
00:27:27Yeah.
00:27:27No, no, fuck it.
00:27:28I can't.
00:27:29You're just gonna, uh, make a bunch of ass jokes, so.
00:27:34Uh...
00:27:35Do you read any good books lately?
00:27:38Any literature?
00:27:42Uh, yeah, I mean, I read an article about Kinsey.
00:27:46Pretty good.
00:27:48What's, what's Kinsey, what's Kinsey?
00:27:50He's a sex scientist.
00:27:52Never heard of him?
00:27:54No.
00:27:54You want me to send it to you?
00:27:56Yeah, yeah.
00:27:57Yeah, that'd be...
00:27:58Yeah, well, yeah, I'd love to read that.
00:28:01Well, don't you understand?
00:28:02You just swipe right if they're hot.
00:28:04Okay.
00:28:04You swipe left if they're busted.
00:28:07All right, and then what?
00:28:08And then you send them a message.
00:28:10It's simple.
00:28:10And there's always, you know, Grindr, too.
00:28:12Yeah, but that's only if you want to try to have butt sex like five minutes from now.
00:28:16The fuck is Grindr?
00:28:18How do you know what Grindr is?
00:28:19How do you know what Grindr is?
00:28:23Okay, I don't, I just don't think that apps are gonna work.
00:28:26Well, you have to give it a chance, man.
00:28:28Put yourself out there.
00:28:29Flirt with them, but play hard to get.
00:28:31Let them know that you're into them, but make sure you don't text loud.
00:28:34Yeah, no, that's easy for you guys.
00:28:35I have to walk up to a guy and wonder, like,
00:28:37oh, am I gonna get punched in the face?
00:28:39And you guys can just walk up to any girl you want.
00:28:41Yeah, but then we have to hang out with girls.
00:28:43Just once, I'd like to go out to a nice dinner and a movie,
00:28:45and I have to hold in a fart the whole time.
00:28:47You fart around Michelle all the time.
00:28:49Well, it took two years of farting and a Tupperware to get to that point.
00:28:53Or two's right, man.
00:28:54As a gay man, you have the ultimate advantage.
00:28:57You're a fucking dude.
00:28:59It's easy to get another guy,
00:29:00because you know exactly what dudes like to do.
00:29:02Yeah.
00:29:04Yeah, right?
00:29:06Go with your instincts.
00:29:08What do guys do again?
00:29:09You got that love that rises like the sun.
00:29:16Raise it up, raise it up, raise it up.
00:29:20You got a time and a time when I can't get enough.
00:29:25Raise it up, raise it up, raise it up.
00:29:30I wanna make you smile.
00:29:34And watch you glow in your light.
00:29:36You mean that's something inside of me.
00:29:40The doubt will send me away to break you out of your cage.
00:29:45I'll get you higher than you'll ever be.
00:29:49Yeah.
00:29:50I was under the power when you turned around.
00:29:54Raise it up, raise it up, raise it up, raise it up.
00:30:01And I'm counting on you to carry me through.
00:30:06Raise it up, raise it up, raise it up.
00:30:10And I'm living my dream, watching you move till you scream.
00:30:17Girl, he knows what you do to me.
00:30:21It's a nice place.
00:30:23Yeah, yeah.
00:30:24It's good.
00:30:25So, uh, your Tinder profile said that Scarface is your favorite movie?
00:30:28Yeah.
00:30:29Yeah, it's one of my favorites.
00:30:30Fucking right on, bro.
00:30:32I hate these queers who think that being gay is an excuse to have no balls.
00:30:35I'm gay, but I love Scarface.
00:30:38Yeah.
00:30:38No, I fucking live it.
00:30:42This was a terrible idea.
00:30:44I mean, don't you feel it?
00:30:45Everyone is staring at us.
00:30:47Uh, I don't see anybody staring at us.
00:30:50Just take a picture, why don't ya?
00:30:58It's like she's never seen two guys share a meal together.
00:31:01It's like sharing a meal.
00:31:06Tony would have hated this place.
00:31:08I'm sorry, who?
00:31:09Tony, my ex-boyfriend.
00:31:10Oh.
00:31:11It's so dark and so mysterious.
00:31:13It's still real.
00:31:14I don't even know why we broke up.
00:31:16Can't imagine why.
00:31:17Say a lot to my real friend.
00:31:21You like that?
00:31:23You think you're so tough?
00:31:24Well, she's looking at me over there.
00:31:25She doesn't like that one.
00:31:26No, no, no.
00:31:27Sorry.
00:31:27Nothing against you.
00:31:28We're just doing Scarface first date over here.
00:31:31You want one of my french fries, bro?
00:31:33It's just like a little phase that I am going through.
00:31:35I do a lot of girls, too.
00:31:37Yeah.
00:31:37So.
00:31:39You look like you would.
00:31:40Thanks.
00:31:41He had the most fantastic cock.
00:31:46Well, he did.
00:31:48It was this big.
00:31:50I don't really know what I'm going to get.
00:31:54I'm probably just going to get a beer.
00:31:56You have so many choices.
00:31:57I think me, too.
00:32:05So, your profile says you're into gardening?
00:32:08Yeah.
00:32:09Yeah, it's just something I used to do with my mom.
00:32:12I should probably know what these are, but I have no clue.
00:32:14Yeah, I definitely don't.
00:32:17You know, I always wanted to try that, but everyone says it's for old people.
00:32:21Yeah, I don't know why everyone says that.
00:32:22Yeah, I don't get it.
00:32:23Yeah, I mean, I'm 24, but I don't have to wait until I retire to get, like, fresh vine-ripened tomatoes.
00:32:28You know?
00:32:28I want them now.
00:32:30Yeah.
00:32:30You want to get nachos?
00:32:35Uh, yeah.
00:32:36I'd love some.
00:32:37I don't know.
00:32:54I don't know.
00:32:55Oh, yeah.
00:32:59Two nacho platters on a first date.
00:33:26What were you thinking?
00:33:27First nice guy I meet, and I almost make him pass out.
00:33:30Fuck that arrogant prick, man.
00:33:32He's not nice.
00:33:33If you can't enjoy the smell of another man's farts,
00:33:36then you don't want to know that man.
00:33:39It's not that big of a deal. It's just...
00:33:41My parents, they, um...
00:33:42They smelled it, too? Wait, they were there?
00:33:45No, my parents invited me over to dinner tonight.
00:33:47Oh, wow.
00:33:50Well, that's awesome, man. What's Karen making?
00:33:52Maybe I'll stop by.
00:33:54I'm gonna tell them.
00:33:56Oh.
00:33:57What?
00:33:58Well, good luck with that.
00:34:01I'm sure they're gonna understand.
00:34:04Maybe you guys could come.
00:34:07This was tonight?
00:34:09Yeah.
00:34:10Yeah, I know.
00:34:11Tonight I'm doing a...
00:34:12Michelle and I have a group hunt.
00:34:14I would.
00:34:15Yeah, I would come over, but, you know, I'd probably...
00:34:17Just say something stupid and make it way worse.
00:34:21Yeah.
00:34:22What about you, Chris?
00:34:23The parents love you, maybe.
00:34:24You know, like...
00:34:25To make it easier.
00:34:26Of course, man.
00:34:27Okay.
00:34:28So, Adam, how are things?
00:34:29Mom, I'm gay.
00:34:30I'm sorry, man.
00:34:31Can I just be your dad again?
00:34:32No, I need to be ready for anything.
00:34:33And don't be afraid to be mean.
00:34:34I can handle it.
00:34:35That's why I have these note cards.
00:34:36Meaner.
00:34:37Okay.
00:34:38Yeah.
00:34:39Got it.
00:34:40Mom, I'm gay.
00:34:41What?
00:34:42That's disgusting.
00:34:43You're not gay.
00:34:44You're not gay.
00:34:45You're not gay.
00:34:46You're not gay.
00:34:47I'm sorry, man.
00:34:48Can I just be your dad again?
00:34:49No, I need to be ready for anything.
00:34:50And don't be afraid to be mean.
00:34:51I can handle it.
00:34:52That's why I have these note cards.
00:34:53Meaner.
00:34:54Okay.
00:34:55Yeah.
00:34:56Got it.
00:34:57Mom, I'm gay.
00:34:58What?
00:34:59That's disgusting.
00:35:00I'm sorry.
00:35:01I'm sorry.
00:35:02I'm sorry.
00:35:03I'm sorry.
00:35:04I'm sorry.
00:35:05I'm sorry.
00:35:06Can I just be your dad again?
00:35:07I'm sorry, man.
00:35:08What?
00:35:09That's disgusting.
00:35:10How could you do this to me after I brought you into this world?
00:35:14Anderson Cooper.
00:35:15I'm a terrible mother.
00:35:17Ricky Martin.
00:35:18I'm a terrible mother.
00:35:19Neil Patrick Harris.
00:35:20Neil Patrick Harris.
00:35:21What?
00:35:22Are your notes just a list of famous gay dudes?
00:35:24No, I have lesbians, too.
00:35:25Okay, forget the list, dude.
00:35:27Just be honest.
00:35:28What's the worst that could happen?
00:35:30My mom has a heart attack and my dad freaks out
00:35:32because I'm never going to give him grandkids.
00:35:34Jesus, man.
00:35:35You're gay, not sterile.
00:35:38And your dad collects antique clocks.
00:35:40He'll understand.
00:35:41Yeah.
00:35:44Yeah.
00:35:46Sorry to keep everybody waiting.
00:35:48For your cooking, Karen, I would wait all night if I had to.
00:35:51Chris.
00:35:52I'm telling you, this salad is incredible.
00:35:54How is everything?
00:35:55You still dating Jessica?
00:35:57Yeah, sometimes.
00:35:59Okay.
00:36:00Mm-hmm.
00:36:01What about you, Adam?
00:36:02When am I going to see you with a nice girl?
00:36:05See, Mom, I don't know.
00:36:06Lindsay has a boyfriend.
00:36:07Did she tell you?
00:36:08No.
00:36:09Actually, Mom, we broke up last week.
00:36:10Good.
00:36:11He's been trying to Snapchat me non-stop since.
00:36:13Ah, I hate Snapchat.
00:36:14If he gives you any trouble, let me know, okay?
00:36:16Adam and I will take care of it.
00:36:17Yeah.
00:36:19Chris, do you think Jessica has someone for our Adam?
00:36:21You know what?
00:36:22You may be onto something there, Karen.
00:36:24What about Dorothy Cuda?
00:36:25Didn't you two have a thing?
00:36:27Uh, yeah, we went to junior prom like six years ago.
00:36:29But you two were so cute together.
00:36:32Did I tell you that I ran into her mother at the grocery store the other day?
00:36:34No.
00:36:35Yeah, and she told me that Dorothy is back in town and she's single, you know.
00:36:38Great.
00:36:39So...
00:36:40So, make yourself available.
00:36:42It feels like forever since you broke up with Courtney.
00:36:45It's time to move on.
00:36:46Get yourself back out there.
00:36:48Yep.
00:36:49Yep, you're right.
00:36:50And, uh, actually, I...
00:36:52I have been.
00:36:54It's true.
00:36:55He's actually been going on a lot of dates lately.
00:36:57Meeting some interesting people.
00:36:59Yep.
00:37:00Anything serious?
00:37:02Uh...
00:37:03No.
00:37:04I don't want to sound like one of those crazy old mothers that does nothing but hound her
00:37:08son for grandkids.
00:37:10It would just be nice to see you with someone.
00:37:12And what if I never meet somebody?
00:37:13You will.
00:37:14You're gonna meet a great girl sooner than you think.
00:37:16No, I'm not.
00:37:17Because...
00:37:18I...
00:37:21I...
00:37:23Elton John.
00:37:27What's Rocket Man have to do with anything?
00:37:39So, you're going on a double date?
00:37:41Yeah.
00:37:42I think Adam's excited about it.
00:37:45Yes!
00:37:46Hey, why don't you ever set me up with your Jess's hot friends?
00:37:48You banged two that never called them again.
00:37:50Okay.
00:37:51They never called me either.
00:37:52So...
00:37:53What am I supposed to do?
00:37:55Oh.
00:37:56One second, boys.
00:37:57I'll get it!
00:38:02Hey, Martha.
00:38:03Hello, Chris.
00:38:05Just dropping this off for Adam.
00:38:06Could you see that he gets it before it's too late in the eyes of God?
00:38:09Yeah.
00:38:10Yeah.
00:38:11Yeah, of course.
00:38:20More two.
00:38:21I hope you're hungry.
00:38:22Oh, fuck.
00:38:23Free cake.
00:38:26Oh.
00:38:28What the hell is Camp Leviticus?
00:38:30I think it's one of those conversion camps for gay dudes.
00:38:33If you want to make a gay dude straight, you've got to show a little more cleavage on that cake.
00:38:36Actually, according to an article I was reading, the APA has no proof that a change in sexual orientation is even possible.
00:38:43Hey, man. Sorry we kind of outed you to her.
00:38:45Oh, I don't care. She thinks we're all gay.
00:38:47Wait a minute. You have a date tonight and you're wearing those pants with those shoes?
00:38:50And that loose shirt? You can't even see your abs.
00:38:57So I tell the curator, you see the name on the wall?
00:38:59This is my gallery.
00:39:01If I want to submit a 15 by 8, I'm going to submit a 15 by 8.
00:39:05And that shut them up.
00:39:06So fast.
00:39:07I bet it did.
00:39:09Uh, what do you paint exactly?
00:39:11A mostly abstract postmodern deconstructionalism peppered with neoclassical ideologies.
00:39:16Wow, that's a lot.
00:39:18So Jess tells me you're a mechanic.
00:39:20Yeah.
00:39:21Yeah.
00:39:22I do mostly everything, small repairs, tune-ups.
00:39:26Great mechanic.
00:39:27Thanks, man.
00:39:28God, how do you do it?
00:39:30You're going through life every day, never creating art.
00:39:32I couldn't imagine.
00:39:33Yeah.
00:39:34You know?
00:39:35Yeah, I know exactly what you mean.
00:39:36You know, I actually sketch every day.
00:39:39I just don't have the talent that you have.
00:39:41We should check out my gallery sometime.
00:39:43Maybe I can inspire you after you have to go to this great street.
00:39:45And across the street is this fabulous routine.
00:39:48I take some of my other girlfriends there, but they don't have the body for the place.
00:39:51Oh.
00:39:52Oh, stop.
00:39:53I said it.
00:39:54I just said it.
00:39:55I said it.
00:39:56There it goes.
00:39:57You just said it.
00:39:58Oh, gosh.
00:39:59Mark, do you want to come outside and smoke with me?
00:40:00I want to hear all about this boutique.
00:40:01Oh, usually I'd say no, but two marbs and I start smoking like a little hot tamale.
00:40:14Oh, wow.
00:40:15He seems non-threatening.
00:40:16I hate him.
00:40:17Okay.
00:40:18Hello, Adam.
00:40:19Nice to see you here.
00:40:20Is this the reason you're not texting me back?
00:40:35Uh, no.
00:40:36No.
00:40:37It's not what it looks like.
00:40:38Oh, no.
00:40:39We're not dating.
00:40:40I'm sorry.
00:40:41Yeah.
00:40:42Sorry about that.
00:40:43We're engaged.
00:40:45What?
00:40:46Right, Chris?
00:40:47Oh, this is Brad.
00:40:48Brad.
00:40:49Remember I was telling you about him?
00:40:50Oh, honeyduder.
00:40:51Yeah.
00:40:52This is Bradstar?
00:40:53Mm-hmm.
00:40:54Bradstar, it is a pleasure to meet you.
00:40:56No, I'm not gonna shake your hand.
00:40:58I could've given you everything.
00:40:59You know that, right?
00:41:00And you tossed me aside for nothing but a gigolo.
00:41:03Oh, whoa.
00:41:04Pretty face.
00:41:05He's not a gigolo.
00:41:06He's awesome.
00:41:07He's my best friend.
00:41:08What's going on here?
00:41:09Who the hell are you?
00:41:11I'm Mark Peters.
00:41:12Adam's date.
00:41:13Uh, yeah.
00:41:14Yep.
00:41:15Okay.
00:41:16I see.
00:41:17So, apparently, I'm the only guy here who you're not fucking.
00:41:20Is that right?
00:41:21Uh, why didn't you tell me you're into group stuff, silly?
00:41:24What are we?
00:41:25Right?
00:41:26We go down to my basement.
00:41:27All of us.
00:41:28It'd be fun.
00:41:29Group thing.
00:41:30Yeah.
00:41:31Think about it.
00:41:32Text me later, okay?
00:41:33Okay.
00:41:34Well, I should've seen it before.
00:41:38It's so obvious.
00:41:39With your perfect hair and those...
00:41:41Look at my crotch jeans.
00:41:43Mm, and you should see him dance when he gets two marks on him, right?
00:41:47Oh, no.
00:41:48They're not...
00:41:49Fine.
00:41:50Call it bisexual.
00:41:51It helps you sleep at night.
00:41:52Okay.
00:41:53Okay, this is enough.
00:41:54I don't know what's going on.
00:41:55Chris, tell Mark that you and Adam haven't slept together.
00:41:57Yeah, tell him.
00:41:58Well, I guess we didn't do a whole lot of sleeping, right?
00:42:01No, we definitely didn't.
00:42:02Well, maybe like a little bit, like in there, in between, but mostly it was just going at it.
00:42:06Mark, you have no idea how good it is.
00:42:08I mean, I hate even talking about it over dinner, but...
00:42:11Yeah, don't brag.
00:42:12I would die if I couldn't create fabulous multiple orgasms with you every night.
00:42:17Oh, that means the world to me.
00:42:18Well, thanks for the invite, Jess, but I can tell when I'm not wanted.
00:42:21What?
00:42:22Really?
00:42:23My boy, Ezak, is DJing over at the Ince, Ince bar tonight, and I was gonna get going anyway.
00:42:28Oh, it was really nice to meet you.
00:42:30Yeah.
00:42:31Kiss, kiss.
00:42:32Ew, ew.
00:42:37It's a great headband.
00:42:41Ew, ew, ew, ew.
00:42:43Kiss, kiss.
00:42:44What kind of gay are you?
00:42:45What?
00:42:46You are hating on your own kind.
00:42:47Yeah, I don't hate him because he's gay.
00:42:49No, he hates him because he sucks balls.
00:42:50Yeah.
00:42:51You are such an asshole.
00:42:52I'm an asshole?
00:42:53You're an asshole for making us hang out with this guy.
00:42:55What made you think that Adam would ever like that prick?
00:42:57Well, Adam's gay.
00:42:58And he's gay.
00:42:59So, what else is there?
00:43:01Uh, attraction, mutual interest.
00:43:03Not being a giant raging douchebag.
00:43:05Oh, that's on your list, too?
00:43:07Well, since you two have so much in common, why don't you fuck him tonight because we're
00:43:12over...
00:43:13Okay, Jess, we're kidding.
00:43:15Let's go.
00:43:16Goodbye.
00:43:17Bye.
00:43:18Hold on, hold on, hold on.
00:43:23I'm sorry, okay?
00:43:24We're kidding.
00:43:25We're just joking around.
00:43:26Mmm, maybe you are.
00:43:28But Adam's not.
00:43:29You know, you probably shouldn't joke around.
00:43:32You're only screwing with his head.
00:43:33Okay, what are you talking about?
00:43:35Chris, I told you this would happen.
00:43:38Adam likes you.
00:43:39No, Adam does not like me.
00:43:41I know what I'm talking about.
00:43:43I'm a girl.
00:43:44I notice these things.
00:43:45Adam didn't even give Mark a chance.
00:43:47He barely even looked at him because he was too busy staring at you all night.
00:43:49No, it's because looking at Mark makes you want to murder someone.
00:43:52Mmm, okay.
00:43:53Okay, fine.
00:43:54Don't believe me.
00:43:55But when you wake up one morning tied to your bed with Adam's tongue in your ass,
00:43:58don't come crying back to me.
00:44:00Hey, man.
00:44:01There you are.
00:44:02You want to get gay?
00:44:03What?
00:44:04I got two shots.
00:44:05You want one?
00:44:06Yeah.
00:44:07Yeah, sure.
00:44:08Cheers, man.
00:44:09Cheers, dude.
00:44:10Oh.
00:44:11God, it does not get any easier.
00:44:12Oh, but can we have two more?
00:44:15You should do it.
00:44:16No.
00:44:17No.
00:44:18You should do it.
00:44:37No.
00:44:38Yep.
00:44:39No.
00:44:40You should call her.
00:44:41Abso-frickin-lutely not.
00:44:42Absolutely not. Never again, man.
00:44:44I don't care how hot she is or how good of blowjays she gives.
00:44:48She's a crazy bitch.
00:44:49I'm not talking about Jess. I'm talking about Tracy.
00:44:53Nah, man. I already blew that one.
00:44:55If I call her now, I'm just going to look desperate.
00:44:57Besides, man, girls like her do not go for guys like me.
00:45:00Girls like what?
00:45:02You talk about her like she's perfect. You don't even know her.
00:45:04I know her. I know her.
00:45:05I know she's got enough balls to wear a fanny pack to a bar.
00:45:08She's cool enough to like mojitos and Ghostbusters.
00:45:12She's funny, smart, so sweet.
00:45:15Aw, man.
00:45:16Now you sound like the gay one.
00:45:18Fuck you.
00:45:21Okay.
00:45:22Just fucking call her, dude.
00:45:26Hey, Tracy.
00:45:27It's, uh, it's Chris.
00:45:30All right.
00:45:33Hey, Tracy.
00:45:34It's Chris.
00:45:40Hey.
00:45:41Hey.
00:45:42We're going to be right now, so just leave me a message, and I'll call you right back.
00:45:47I'm just calling to, uh, to make sure that you, uh, you didn't, no one, no one bother, um, uh, that everything worked out just fine that evening.
00:45:59Um, just calling to wish you a happy day.
00:46:03Anyways, um, cute voicemail.
00:46:06Uh, this is Chris.
00:46:08Bye.
00:46:08Bye.
00:46:08Here you go, dude.
00:46:09Nothing cures a hangover like a hidden doober.
00:46:12Thanks.
00:46:13What'd you guys do last night, anyway?
00:46:18I went on a double date with Chris.
00:46:19I went on a double date with Chris.
00:46:31Okay.
00:46:32Really?
00:46:34Yeah, I mean, like, think about it.
00:46:35What can you not do on a double date?
00:46:37You can't get your fuck on.
00:46:38Am I right?
00:46:39Did you fuck her?
00:46:41You didn't fuck her.
00:46:42Did you fuck her?
00:46:43No.
00:46:44No.
00:46:44You a dirty dog?
00:46:45I'm not a fucker.
00:46:45See, that's what I'm saying.
00:46:46See, next time, bring her to your house.
00:46:48All right?
00:46:49So it's just the two of you.
00:46:50Rent a horror movie.
00:46:51Clean the bathroom.
00:46:52Put some candles out, man.
00:46:53They appreciate that stuff.
00:46:54Put a tie on.
00:46:55You know what I mean?
00:46:56Also, get the logo on before she...
00:46:58Why?
00:46:59Ronnie's not coming back.
00:46:59Uh, yeah, no, it's a customer.
00:47:01I don't want to look unprofessional.
00:47:03But then, I'm telling you, ten minutes...
00:47:05You got any gum?
00:47:06Your shorts are gonna be off.
00:47:07Gum?
00:47:07How hot is this girl, man?
00:47:08You know what?
00:47:08Never mind.
00:47:09Forget it.
00:47:10Hey.
00:47:11Um.
00:47:12How's it going?
00:47:13Good.
00:47:13Can I help you with something?
00:47:14Yeah.
00:47:15I think something's wrong with my car.
00:47:17It's been overheating a lot, and sometimes it just shuts off completely.
00:47:21Ah.
00:47:21Yeah, it sounds like it could be a radiator.
00:47:23Just pop it open.
00:47:25Eh.
00:47:25Pop this.
00:47:27I can get it.
00:47:28It's sometimes a little tricky.
00:47:30Oh, sorry.
00:47:32I don't know.
00:47:32By all means.
00:47:33Okay.
00:47:37Oh.
00:47:38I'll get that.
00:47:39Thanks.
00:47:39Promise.
00:47:42You know what?
00:47:42It could be your DC inverter.
00:47:45Really?
00:47:46Uh, yeah.
00:47:47What's a DC converter?
00:47:51It's an inverter.
00:47:53It's what makes your car work.
00:47:55Work.
00:47:56Oh, yeah.
00:47:57They have arrived.
00:47:59The official invites to Papa Ortu's Fourth of July barbecue bash.
00:48:02See you there, and see you there.
00:48:04You better RSVP this time.
00:48:07Fuck that.
00:48:07You know I'm going.
00:48:08Why do I need to RSVP?
00:48:09Because my dad's sick and tired of running out of ribs.
00:48:11If you don't RSVP, you don't get any ribs.
00:48:14Whoa, slow down, Tiger.
00:48:15What's up with you?
00:48:17I think I met someone.
00:48:19Seriously?
00:48:19Who?
00:48:20Well, I don't know his name exactly, but we had a moment.
00:48:22A moment?
00:48:23Like, where was this?
00:48:24In a truck stop?
00:48:24No, how do you know so much about gay things?
00:48:26No, he was, I don't even know if he's gay.
00:48:28Don't you have gaydar?
00:48:30Kind of.
00:48:31If you had gaydar, you'd know that Nick loves the cock.
00:48:34So, what did this gentleman's pants look like?
00:48:39Could you see his ankles?
00:48:40Was he, like, wearing a tank top?
00:48:42Were his nipples pierced?
00:48:43Yeah, what about his underwear?
00:48:44Did it have, like, a brightly colored elastic band?
00:48:46Super jacked?
00:48:47He was a normal guy with, like, earth tone colors,
00:48:50full-length pants, no nipple piercings.
00:48:51I couldn't really see his underwear,
00:48:53but I was probably to exist,
00:48:55and he had, like, muscles, but not, like, too muscly.
00:48:57He was probably, he was, like, a normal dude.
00:48:59Ooh.
00:49:00Uh...
00:49:01Oh, how did he eat a banana?
00:49:03How would you eat a banana?
00:49:04Like, put the whole thing in and pull out just the peel.
00:49:07Okay, that's exactly...
00:49:08I don't know.
00:49:08Guys, guys, it says he...
00:49:10It says that people in North Korea
00:49:12aren't even allowed to eat bananas.
00:49:13They don't know what...
00:49:14They don't know they exist.
00:49:17I did not know that.
00:49:18Wow.
00:49:20Okay, look, all I know is that this guy,
00:49:22he was super friendly,
00:49:22and at some point, we, like,
00:49:24had eye contact for two seconds.
00:49:26Two seconds?
00:49:26That's nothing.
00:49:27That's just, like, being a polite gentleman.
00:49:28Like, look.
00:49:30See?
00:49:30I'm not gay.
00:49:31That's not two seconds.
00:49:32You want to do two seconds?
00:49:33Two seconds.
00:49:33Here we go.
00:49:35One Mississippi.
00:49:38Two Mississippi.
00:49:39Oh!
00:49:39There you go!
00:49:40He's so gay!
00:49:40Oh!
00:49:41Wow!
00:49:41You're tickled.
00:49:42See, I took...
00:49:43So he's gay.
00:49:44He's gay.
00:49:45I think you're in luck.
00:49:46He's super gay, man.
00:49:48All right.
00:49:49Cool.
00:49:50I met someone.
00:49:51Are you wearing cologne, dude?
00:49:52Yeah.
00:49:53To hide the pot smell.
00:49:55Did you smoke pot today without me?
00:49:57Are you...
00:49:58Is this what these bananas are for?
00:49:59Who do you think drives his car?
00:50:00Um...
00:50:03I don't know.
00:50:04It's a hybrid, dude.
00:50:05Looks like it's got a Save the Whales Bumper sticker.
00:50:06Probably some gay-ass hippie.
00:50:08Really?
00:50:08You think so?
00:50:08Oh, yeah.
00:50:09Adam!
00:50:13Triple-A just called.
00:50:13Adam, Triple H just called.
00:50:37Some girl locked the keys in the car over on Hillside.
00:50:39Black Wrangler.
00:50:40I need you to go now.
00:50:41Oh, right.
00:50:42I'll do it, man.
00:50:43You get to the 18 on the phone.
00:50:44Why?
00:50:45So you could get stoned for two hours and jerked off in the Wendy's bathroom?
00:50:47Once.
00:50:48Yeah.
00:50:49One time.
00:50:50Yeah.
00:50:51It's all it takes.
00:50:52Here.
00:50:53Buddy, get over there, Adam.
00:50:54I need you to go.
00:50:55I was...
00:50:56Um.
00:50:57Okay.
00:50:58You all set.
00:50:59Thanks for coming in.
00:51:00Thanks again.
00:51:01Yeah.
00:51:03Oh, hey.
00:51:04Hey!
00:51:05Hi.
00:51:06Hi.
00:51:07Is there something wrong with the car, still?
00:51:10No.
00:51:11No, you just, um, you forgot your chapstick.
00:51:20Wait a minute. Did you take this from my glove box?
00:51:24No.
00:51:27Okay, yeah, I did. But I, I was just, it was an accident.
00:51:30I didn't use it or anything. I just smelled it.
00:51:34Oh. Okay.
00:51:38Thanks.
00:51:38I'm gonna go here.
00:51:42Me too.
00:51:44See ya.
00:51:57I smelt it?
00:52:00Oh, you fucking idiot. I smelt it?
00:52:05Adam, what'd you smell, dude? Was it that girl? Was she here?
00:52:07Oh, I bet her titties were out today. It's so hot out. Did you see them? Were they big?
00:52:12Pleasant? Normal? Medium size?
00:52:14I don't know titties.
00:52:15I'm gay.
00:52:16Hey.
00:52:22Hey.
00:52:22Hey, man.
00:52:24Wash your hands and put on a clean shirt.
00:52:39What for?
00:52:40Oh, shoot. They're early.
00:52:41Who's early?
00:52:43Adam, why don't you put on one of your father's shirts?
00:52:45Chris, do you mind answering the door, please?
00:52:46Whatever you say, kid.
00:52:47Why do I have to change?
00:52:48Your mom invited Dorothy Cuda and her mother over for dinner tonight.
00:52:52What? Why? Why did you do that?
00:52:54Don't be nervous. Dorothy likes you. Her mother told me so.
00:52:58What if I don't like Dorothy Cuda?
00:52:59How could you not like Dorothy Cuda?
00:53:01Well, there's a lot of reasons why I don't like Dorothy Cuda.
00:53:04Father O'Malley. Martha. What are you doing here?
00:53:08What are you doing out of bed, Adam?
00:53:10What?
00:53:10Now, I'm not here to impose.
00:53:14I know this is a difficult time, so enjoy your last meal with your family.
00:53:19I can give last rites after.
00:53:21Last rites? Why would you give my son last rites?
00:53:25He's about to die, isn't he?
00:53:27What?
00:53:29No.
00:53:29I'm sorry, Father, but it's worse than death.
00:53:33It's a matter of eternal damnation.
00:53:36Adam, what on earth is she talking about?
00:53:38I'm gay, Mom.
00:53:44That is not funny. Do not joke like that in front of Father O'Malley.
00:53:48I'm serious. I'm gay. I'm gay.
00:53:50I like guys.
00:53:51But what about Dorothy Cuda?
00:53:55What about Dorothy Cuda?
00:53:56She's on her way.
00:53:56I don't understand why you don't understand this.
00:53:58I'm gay. I'm gay.
00:54:00Like, like...
00:54:02So stop forcing Dorothy Cuda on me.
00:54:09Adam.
00:54:09What's eating that?
00:54:13Oh, seriously? You're upset about a freaking sausage?
00:54:23Oh, come on. No, dude. The night is set. We're going to Duffy's.
00:54:27What about Adam?
00:54:28We will be there for him.
00:54:30At Duffy's.
00:54:31Come on, guys.
00:54:33How many strip clubs have we dragged Adam to?
00:54:34Okay, that's irrelevant.
00:54:35How many dollars has he shoved down skanky Russian breasts for you?
00:54:39And how many times has he fixed your piece of shit car?
00:54:40My car is not a piece of shit.
00:54:42It's a piece of shit.
00:54:43When Adam came out, I told him, I promised him,
00:54:46that nothing was going to change.
00:54:48I think we've been pretty fucking cool about that.
00:54:50We've done a decent job, but it's not good enough.
00:54:54Things should change.
00:54:56He needs this, boys.
00:54:58He needs us.
00:54:59So, where are we going?
00:55:20Are you serious? You're not going to tell me?
00:55:24Okay.
00:55:25Whoa.
00:55:25Whoa.
00:55:25Whoa.
00:55:25Whoa.
00:55:25Whoa.
00:55:29All right.
00:55:35Are we really going to...
00:55:37Seriously?
00:55:43Remember, don't make eye contact with anyone.
00:55:46Never leave each other's sight.
00:55:47No matter what.
00:55:49Wait for us!
00:55:59There are four buds.
00:56:23Uh, actually, can you make those vodka sodas?
00:56:27We're at a gay bar.
00:56:29Vodka sodas it is.
00:56:32There's actually some girls here.
00:56:33We're going to come all night downtown for me looking at girls.
00:56:36Yeah, man.
00:56:37You better get at least eight dudes' phone numbers tonight,
00:56:39and they better be fucking adorable.
00:56:41We're going to come all night.
00:56:42We're going to come all night.
00:56:43We're going to come all night.
00:56:44We're going to come all night.
00:56:45We're going to come all night.
00:56:46We're going to come all night.
00:56:47Cheers.
00:56:48Cheers.
00:56:49First time in a...
00:56:50Okay.
00:56:51Nice.
00:56:52Act like you've been there before, boys.
00:56:53Uh, should we dance?
00:56:54Uh, no, I'm good.
00:56:55Oh, man.
00:56:56How are you going to meet anybody with your back up against the bar?
00:56:58Let's go.
00:56:59Let's go.
00:57:01I'll hold down.
00:57:02Make sure no one roofies us.
00:57:06So much for sticking together.
00:57:08Come on, baby.
00:57:09Bring your egg in.
00:57:14Here we go.
00:57:16Weird.
00:57:18Oh.
00:57:20Relax.
00:57:21Feel the groove, man.
00:57:24There we go.
00:57:25Yeah.
00:57:26You look hot.
00:57:27Thanks.
00:57:28Really good.
00:57:29All right.
00:57:30Shake your dick.
00:57:31Let's go.
00:57:32All right.
00:57:33Show him how it's done, man.
00:57:34Show him how it's done.
00:57:35Boom.
00:57:36There you go.
00:57:37Show his hands like that.
00:57:38Shot, please.
00:57:47You don't have to wait.
00:57:48Wait for me, guys.
00:57:49Yeah!
00:57:52Whoo!
00:57:58Adam?
00:57:59Hi.
00:58:00What are you doing here?
00:58:01Hi.
00:58:02Wait one second.
00:58:03Uh, Chris.
00:58:04Hey.
00:58:05What are you doing here?
00:58:06I'm here with my brother and his boyfriend.
00:58:07Yeah, they're really hitting it off with your friends.
00:58:08They sure are.
00:58:09Um, look.
00:58:10The voicemail that I left you...
00:58:11What?
00:58:12The voicemail I left the other night.
00:58:13I'm sorry.
00:58:14I don't know what I...
00:58:15It's fine.
00:58:16Don't worry about it.
00:58:17Let's just dance.
00:58:18Okay.
00:58:19Let's just dance.
00:58:20Okay.
00:58:21Okay.
00:58:52That's the last time I order a hot dog at a gay bar.
00:59:01So, how was your last first time at a gay bar?
00:59:03I was just dancing, that is all.
00:59:06Honestly, I thought it'd be a lot gayer. I'm kind of disappointed.
00:59:09It was good.
00:59:11It was really good.
00:59:12It was good.
00:59:13So, how'd you two meet?
00:59:14Actually, we worked at the same office for years.
00:59:16I was already out to everyone there. Steve wasn't.
00:59:19So, things developed rather slowly.
00:59:21Eight months of asking him to borrow his hole puncher,
00:59:24I thought he'd get the hint.
00:59:26So, there's just one thing that I still can't wrap my head around.
00:59:29How does a gay man let his sister walk out in public with a fanny pack on?
00:59:34What?
00:59:37I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Tracy. I can do better. Trust me.
00:59:44Wait, what did you call me?
00:59:45Tracy.
00:59:47Who's Tracy?
00:59:49Hmm?
00:59:51Who isn't Tracy?
00:59:55I'm kidding. I'm kidding.
00:59:58Trainee. Tracy. Trainee.
00:59:59It's so funny.
01:00:02Trainee? You think that my name's Trainee?
01:00:07He's kidding.
01:00:08He does that.
01:00:10He calls people Trainee.
01:00:11Trainee. Trainee.
01:00:12Trainee. Trainee.
01:00:12He called me Trainee when I came out.
01:00:15He's a Trainee guy.
01:00:16Yeah.
01:00:16He does that.
01:00:17Wait, so what is my name?
01:00:21Can we have the check?
01:00:25I love this part.
01:00:31Yeah, me too.
01:00:32That guy's as ugly as you.
01:00:35Good job.
01:00:37Trainee.
01:00:38Trainee.
01:00:39Trainee.
01:00:39Trainee.
01:00:40Trainee.
01:00:40Trainee.
01:00:41Trainee.
01:00:41Trainee.
01:00:42Trainee.
01:00:42Trainee.
01:00:43Trainee.
01:00:43Maybe it's Trisha.
01:00:45Hey, babe.
01:00:46Should I text her that?
01:00:47No, it's like 4 a.m.
01:00:50Ah, yeah.
01:00:52You're right.
01:00:52Only bad things can happen.
01:01:01Did you get any dude's numbers tonight?
01:01:02No.
01:01:03What?
01:01:03I was too busy dancing with you guys.
01:01:05Oh, my God.
01:01:07We were totally cock blocking you.
01:01:09Yeah, it's okay.
01:01:11We had a really fun time.
01:01:12Yeah, me too, man.
01:01:15Me too.
01:01:20The fuck, man?
01:01:27I thought you were...
01:01:29Oh, man, I'm sorry.
01:01:42I should go.
01:01:43No, man, don't go.
01:01:44I'm sorry.
01:01:45I'm drunk.
01:01:47I thought you don't...
01:01:48You don't...
01:01:52I don't...
01:01:54I don't know.
01:02:24I don't know.
01:02:26I don't know.
01:02:30I don't know.
01:02:35I don't know.
01:02:37I don't know.
01:02:40Chris?
01:02:42What's happening?
01:02:43Give me a minute.
01:02:44What's wrong with it?
01:02:45What's wrong with it?
01:02:46Stop talking.
01:02:47You're making it worse.
01:02:48I'm sorry.
01:02:49I've just never been with a man who...
01:02:51Man who what?
01:02:52I'm a little drunk.
01:02:54Just...
01:02:55What if you put it in your mouth?
01:02:57No.
01:02:58It's not your fucking birthday.
01:02:59Just suck on it.
01:03:00Why don't you have Adam sucking?
01:03:01Jesus.
01:03:02Oh, fuck you.
01:03:04What?
01:03:06I was just joking.
01:03:09Why are you so mad?
01:03:11I'm not mad.
01:03:12Wait, he didn't, did he?
01:03:15No, he didn't.
01:03:16Did Adam suck your cock?
01:03:17No, he didn't fucking suck my dick.
01:03:18Jesus Christ.
01:03:19And you liked it, didn't you?
01:03:20No.
01:03:21Just stop talking about it.
01:03:22How about that?
01:03:23Fine.
01:03:24You have one new voice message.
01:03:36First voice message.
01:03:38Hey, Chris, it's me.
01:03:39I can't believe that happened.
01:03:40I'm just...
01:03:41I'm so fucking sorry.
01:03:42I'm an idiot.
01:03:43I'm...
01:03:44I was drunk.
01:03:45And I just...
01:03:46I don't know what I thought, but can you just call me back, please?
01:03:54I don't know what I thought.
01:03:59Message deleted.
01:04:00Message deleted.
01:04:25Hey, man.
01:04:26Where the fuck are you?
01:04:27We're playing flag football at four.
01:04:29Uh, yeah.
01:04:30I...
01:04:31I don't know, man.
01:04:32Is Chris gonna be there?
01:04:33What?
01:04:34What's going on with you two?
01:04:35He asked me the same thing.
01:04:36Well, what'd you say?
01:04:37I said, yeah, our undefeated season is on the line.
01:04:43Yeah.
01:04:44Yeah.
01:04:45Totally.
01:04:46Yeah, man.
01:04:47Okay.
01:04:48See you then.
01:04:54You made a career of composure.
01:05:07She needs you to steer, she's on over.
01:05:13You need you to hear, listen closer.
01:05:22It's time to come down.
01:05:27And all the things you've begun to blend.
01:05:33They cover the land of your office.
01:05:40But I am the wall of one outward land.
01:05:48I lean on the ground.
01:05:53Later, you are not who you said to, who you said you were when we met.
01:06:06Later, you are losing your loved ones, all your loved ones.
01:06:13Chip by chip, bed by bed.
01:06:21I'm really glad you called.
01:06:22Yeah.
01:06:23What are you doing for the 4th of July?
01:06:25Because you should come over.
01:06:26My wife makes the most amazing potato salad.
01:06:29And I could totally sneak some down to you after the fireworks.
01:06:32Oh, uh, I don't know.
01:06:33I think I'm going to go to a party.
01:06:36Okay, really?
01:06:37Because you don't sound so sure.
01:06:39Yeah, it's just, um, I usually go with Chris, my ex-fiancee.
01:06:45But, uh, I don't know.
01:06:47I don't think he wants me there.
01:06:49Okay.
01:06:50Well, does he own you?
01:06:51He owns you?
01:06:52No.
01:06:53Who cares what he thinks?
01:06:54I do.
01:06:55Oh.
01:06:56Hmm.
01:06:57So you still got a real bad for this guy, don't you?
01:07:00He must really know how to get you off good.
01:07:02No, man.
01:07:03Why, no.
01:07:04Not everything's about sex.
01:07:05Okay, then what's it about?
01:07:07I miss him.
01:07:11So you know how you feel?
01:07:13Because you gotta communicate.
01:07:15Communication is the key to any healthy relationship.
01:07:17Oh, really?
01:07:18And how would you know?
01:07:20How would I know?
01:07:21I've been happily married for 17 years.
01:07:23That's how I'd know.
01:07:26What do you say we go in the bathroom and suck each other off?
01:07:56Ooh.
01:08:14Smells really good in here.
01:08:17What'd you guys have for dinner?
01:08:18Is that what you came over at 10 o'clock at night to talk about?
01:08:26I'm really sorry if you're ashamed of me.
01:08:32Is that what you think?
01:08:33I'm ashamed of you?
01:08:35I'm not ashamed of you.
01:08:38I'm pissed off.
01:08:39You kept a whole part of your life from us.
01:08:43How long have you known?
01:08:45I don't know.
01:08:46Like...
01:08:48Like 10 years.
01:08:4910 years?
01:08:50Oh, my God.
01:08:51I should've known.
01:08:52A mother should know these things.
01:08:54I didn't even know.
01:08:55I just...
01:08:58I just knew that I felt different.
01:09:02And I didn't know why boobs were so cool.
01:09:05You still kinda told me.
01:09:07I wanted to, but I just...
01:09:09You'd always mention girlfriends.
01:09:11I thought you were shy.
01:09:14I am.
01:09:16I'm gay and I'm shy.
01:09:19Well, I don't care.
01:09:21I don't care if you're the gayest, shyest kid in all of America.
01:09:25You're my son and I love you.
01:09:36I love you too.
01:09:39Just don't ever do that to one of my sausages again.
01:09:41Okay.
01:09:47Honey?
01:09:48Is there anything you wanna add?
01:09:53Oh, good placey.
01:10:06I, uh, heard the Ortus are getting the good fireworks this year.
01:10:08Shipped all the way from China.
01:10:12Yeah.
01:10:13I...
01:10:14I don't think I'm gonna go.
01:10:16Did you forget to RSVP?
01:10:18Cause, you know, you can't get the good ribs unless you RSVP.
01:10:21Yeah, that's what I hear.
01:10:25I screwed up.
01:10:29I screwed up big time, Dad.
01:10:32Just keep being yourself.
01:10:34And if you get hungry tomorrow, you can have some of my ribs.
01:10:39Okay?
01:10:41Yeah.
01:10:42Yeah.
01:11:13Let's go, Chris.
01:11:16Our reservation is in less than 30 minutes.
01:11:20Okay, 30 minutes is plenty of time to get to Cheesecake Factory.
01:11:26How are you?
01:11:27Very good.
01:11:28Adam!
01:11:29Hey.
01:11:30Dorothy Kuda.
01:11:31Wow.
01:11:32You look great.
01:11:34How are you?
01:11:35Very good.
01:11:36Good.
01:11:37Yeah.
01:11:38How are you?
01:11:39Good.
01:11:40How are you?
01:11:41Good.
01:11:42Yeah.
01:11:43How are you?
01:11:44Good.
01:11:45Good.
01:11:46I'm gay now.
01:11:47In case my mom didn't tell everybody.
01:11:48She did.
01:11:49I heard.
01:11:50I'm sure.
01:11:51Yeah.
01:11:52Is it true?
01:11:53Shove the sausage down here.
01:11:54Yep.
01:11:55Yep.
01:11:56Yeah.
01:11:57I did that.
01:11:58Happens to everybody, right?
01:11:59Does it?
01:12:00Do you want to go to the party?
01:12:01Yeah.
01:12:02Yeah.
01:12:03Yeah.
01:12:04Yeah.
01:12:05Yeah.
01:12:06Yeah.
01:12:07Yeah.
01:12:08I did that.
01:12:09Happens to everybody, right?
01:12:10Does it?
01:12:11Do you want to go to the party?
01:12:13Yeah.
01:12:14Yeah.
01:12:15Yeah.
01:12:16That's good.
01:12:17Okay.
01:12:18I've got some time.
01:12:19Right?
01:12:20Yeah.
01:12:21Yeah.
01:12:22That's good.
01:12:23Okay.
01:12:24I've got some time.
01:12:25Right?
01:12:26Okay, guys.
01:12:27I'll see ya.
01:12:28Dude, did you really just do a casual slow-mo walk up in here with Dorothy Kuda?
01:12:43Are you straight now?
01:12:44No.
01:12:45Definitely, definitely still good.
01:12:46Hey, gosh, you're gonna put in a good word for me, right?
01:12:48Oh, she's way out of your league, Nick.
01:12:50What do you know?
01:12:51You're with that idiot.
01:12:52Whoa!
01:12:53Happy 4th of July, dipshits!
01:12:55Welcome to the Hortus!
01:12:56Baby, you like my outfit?
01:12:57It's so sexy, just like a burly Benjamin Franklin.
01:13:00Oh, do you guys know Benjamin Franklin died of syphilis?
01:13:03Fact, he did.
01:13:04Hey, well worth the risk.
01:13:06So, do you guys know where Chris is?
01:13:10Mm.
01:13:11I texted him earlier, but he's being flaky as shit, so...
01:13:14Uh, yeah.
01:13:15I haven't talked to him for a while, but I'm sure he's gonna show up.
01:13:18What's going on with you two guys?
01:13:20Dude, it's freakin' Jess, okay?
01:13:21She's got him by the balls.
01:13:22Power of the pussy.
01:13:23You have no idea how dangerous it could be.
01:13:25Have you guys fucking read me, Beth?
01:13:37Can you please turn the radio down?
01:13:38I can't even think.
01:13:43Is that a Prius with two kayaks on it?
01:13:45Who the fuck cares?
01:13:46Save the whales bumper sticker.
01:13:59What are you doing?
01:14:00The Cheesecake Factory is on the other side of the mall.
01:14:03Do me a favor?
01:14:04Hand me that hockey stick.
01:14:06I am not walking all the way over there.
01:14:21Chris, I am sick of your bullshit.
01:14:24Get back in the car, limp dick.
01:14:26We're going to be late.
01:14:33Jessica, I think we should break up.
01:14:35Forever.
01:14:41Sorry about this.
01:14:43Maybe not.
01:14:44Maybe not.
01:14:50Alright.
01:14:59Is she looking?
01:15:04No, man.
01:15:06Fuck you, man.
01:15:08Oh, fuck.
01:15:13Hey.
01:15:14I'm sorry about the other day with the sausage.
01:15:17Oh, it's okay, Adam.
01:15:19Cookie?
01:15:21Go ahead, take two.
01:15:22Okay.
01:15:23Today we're all on the same side.
01:15:25Who's gods?
01:15:26Oh, no.
01:15:27Don't be silly.
01:15:28America's.
01:15:29Do you think your gay lovers would want some cookies?
01:15:31What'd you call us?
01:15:33Oh, is that chocolate chip?
01:15:34Ooh.
01:15:35Oatmeal raisin.
01:15:36The vegetable of cookies.
01:15:45Here you go, man.
01:15:46Thank you very much.
01:15:52Attention.
01:15:53Attention, everyone.
01:15:54I've got an announcement.
01:15:55Are the ribs ready?
01:15:56No, Father O'Malley, they're not ready yet.
01:15:58I promise you won't miss out this year, okay?
01:16:00If we could just get the music turned down a little bit,
01:16:02I just want to say something.
01:16:04Guys.
01:16:06You guys, like, know what this means, right?
01:16:08What's up, Chris?
01:16:09Hey.
01:16:10How are you?
01:16:11Oh, my fucking wood here.
01:16:12Nice to see you.
01:16:13Hey, gang.
01:16:14Hey, man.
01:16:15Game.
01:16:16Yeah, well, I RSVP'd, so...
01:16:18Where's Jess?
01:16:19Ah, we broke up.
01:16:21What does that mean?
01:16:22You're not gonna fuck her anymore?
01:16:23I don't think I could fuck her if I wanted to.
01:16:25That's awesome, man.
01:16:26You can do way better than Jess.
01:16:28What's that supposed to mean?
01:16:30Uh, you guys weren't right for each other?
01:16:32You didn't even like her.
01:16:33How do you know how I feel?
01:16:34You don't know shit.
01:16:35Don't talk to me like that.
01:16:36You said you hated her.
01:16:37You told me you were straight all fucking lives,
01:16:39and you tried to make out with me.
01:16:40What?
01:16:41When did that happen?
01:16:42No, I thought you were trying to kiss me.
01:16:43Man, fucking get over it.
01:16:44Get over it?
01:16:45I was sad and desperate.
01:16:46I would've tried it with anybody.
01:16:47I'm not anybody.
01:16:48Dude, I'm your best fucking friend.
01:16:49Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
01:16:50I'm so sorry that my being gay inconvenienced you.
01:16:52Hey, guys.
01:16:53Why didn't you tell me you were gay 20 fucking years ago?
01:16:54I was three.
01:16:55Jesus, come on.
01:16:56The ribs are ready, Dad.
01:16:59Terrible timing, okay?
01:17:01I'm sorry.
01:17:02Look, guys, cheer the fuck up.
01:17:05It's 4th of July.
01:17:06We're here gathered today to celebrate our country's independence.
01:17:11Red, white, and blue.
01:17:12Ribs, beer, friends, family, whatever.
01:17:15But the most important thing to me right now is that
01:17:17I don't want to be independent anymore.
01:17:19Michelle Valentino, will we stop fucking around
01:17:24and make me the luckiest man that ever lived?
01:17:26Will you marry me?
01:17:27Yes.
01:17:28Well, good answer.
01:17:32Why not?
01:17:33Why do I do it?
01:17:34I don't know.
01:17:35You're gonna be an archer.
01:17:38Dad, please, put the ribs down.
01:17:53Holy shit.
01:17:55Did that just happen?
01:17:58Yeah.
01:18:01Jesus, man, how long have we not been hanging out?
01:18:03I don't know, man.
01:18:04A really fucking long time.
01:18:08Hey.
01:18:09Happy 4th of July.
01:18:11What are you doing here?
01:18:13Uh, Adam invited me, actually.
01:18:17Surprise.
01:18:20Uh, sorry.
01:18:21I don't think you guys have been introduced.
01:18:23Chris.
01:18:24Oh, this is Rachel.
01:18:26Rachel.
01:18:27Rachel.
01:18:28This is Chris.
01:18:30It's nice to meet you, Rachel.
01:18:32I do.
01:18:33We're getting married!
01:18:37Are you gonna be okay?
01:18:39That must have come as quite a shock to you.
01:18:42You two look so happy together.
01:18:47Seriously.
01:18:49This is gonna change everything.
01:18:51Hey, guys.
01:18:52What's going on?
01:18:53Did we miss anything?
01:18:54Oh, don't worry, Karen.
01:18:55Party's just getting started.
01:18:56May I have this dance, Mom?
01:18:57Oh.
01:18:58What do you say, Rachel?
01:19:00What?
01:19:01Just because you know my name now?
01:19:02You think I'm gonna dance with you?
01:19:03Well, it is a dance party.
01:19:04Okay.
01:19:05Let's see what you got.
01:19:06Hey, Nick.
01:19:07You wanna dance?
01:19:11Yes.
01:19:12So, Adam.
01:19:13Yeah.
01:19:14When am I gonna see you with a nice boy?
01:19:15I don't know, Mom.
01:19:17Yeah.
01:19:18Yeah.
01:19:19It's gonna be a nice boy.
01:19:20Yeah.
01:19:21Oh!
01:19:22Oh!
01:19:23Oh!
01:19:24Oh!
01:19:25Oh!
01:19:26Oh!
01:19:27Oh!
01:19:28I'm on my way!
01:19:30I'm on my way!
01:19:31Oh!
01:19:32Oh!
01:19:33Oh!
01:19:36Oh!
01:19:37Oh!
01:19:38I'm on my way!
01:19:40I'm feeling I'm going, I'm on my way
01:19:44And there was a scar that shed my skin
01:20:00It tore me apart so I could begin
01:20:10I'm feeling I'm on my way
01:20:17I'm feeling I'm going, I'm on my way
01:20:33Can't believe we burned through $800 worth of fireworks in 12 minutes
01:20:37It's money well spent
01:20:39Yeah
01:20:49Look, man, I'm really sorry about everything
01:20:51No, you don't have to be sorry, man, I'm sorry
01:20:53No, you guys have been really cool about this whole thing
01:20:55I was stupid and I didn't really need to
01:20:57I shouldn't have acted like it was such a big...
01:20:58I was just lonely and if I could take it back I would but I can't
01:21:00It was my...
01:21:01Can we just forget that the...
01:21:07How did I feel?
01:21:10Honestly?
01:21:14I've been kissing my brother
01:21:18You sure?
01:21:19Yeah
01:21:20Dude, it's okay if you...
01:21:21No, I'm... Listen
01:21:22I'm sure
01:21:25We good?
01:21:28Yeah, man, we're good
01:21:29Good
01:21:30Told you you wanted to fuck me most
01:21:33Told you you wanted to fuck me most
01:21:39Never listen, Chris
01:22:00I guess I never met a real life gay dude before, you know?
01:22:10I went to high school with a couple of guys that used to make out but...
01:22:13That was just for weed
01:22:15And then one time at a party they gave each other handies
01:22:18That was just for, um...
01:22:21Actually those two guys might have been good
01:22:23Yeah, I think they were good
01:22:24Yeah
01:22:25Hey Ronnie, I got it
01:22:29Where are you, Sam?
01:22:30See that?
01:22:35Hey
01:22:36Hey
01:22:37Do you remember me?
01:22:38Came in a month ago?
01:22:39Yeah
01:22:40Definitely remember you
01:22:42Uh, is everything alright?
01:22:43Yeah
01:22:44Uh, everything's great
01:22:45Actually until somebody smacked this off my car
01:22:47No way
01:22:48No
01:22:49Seriously?
01:22:50Who would do that?
01:22:51I have no idea
01:22:52Uh, I mean you don't need it to drive but...
01:22:55If you want I can put it back on
01:22:56Just as quiet as the exhaust
01:22:58Take a couple minutes
01:22:59Yeah
01:23:00That'd be great
01:23:01Yeah?
01:23:02Okay
01:23:04I'm Adam, by the way
01:23:07Matt
01:23:09Matt
01:23:10Cool
01:23:11Very cool
01:23:22Sorry
01:23:23Oh
01:23:25What's that?
01:23:26Yeah
01:23:27My
01:23:34Own
01:23:36Oh
01:23:37According to found
01:23:38You
01:23:39You
01:23:41They
01:23:42Used
01:23:43They
01:23:45They
01:23:46They
01:23:47Leg
01:23:48They
01:23:49They
01:23:50They