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00:00On Action 5 News...
00:04It's time for the Match Game!
00:07Hollywood Squares!
00:09Our win!
00:11From Aftermatch,
00:13Jamie Barr!
00:18From Hotel,
00:20Heidi Bohe!
00:25From Another World,
00:27Linda Dano!
00:30McClain Stevenson!
00:40Arsenio Hall!
00:47And the stars of the Match Game,
00:49Hollywood Squares are
00:51Gene Rayburn
00:53and
00:54John Bauman!
01:00Move this!
01:03Mwah!
01:05Mwah!
01:07Mwah!
01:08C'mon!
01:10C'mon!
01:11C'mon!
01:12C'mon!
01:13You know what I'm doing?
01:15If you're doing something,
01:17it's just a little more serious.
01:18That's right.
01:20Gene Rayburn pressed your wedding on your jacket.
01:22Oh, yes. Yes.
01:23Yes, yes.
01:23Or is that something you spilled?
01:24Just a club.
01:25Listen, does it appear to you that Arsenio is wearing glitter in his hair?
01:30I thought it was an optical illusion.
01:32We dressed alike, and I couldn't find one of these hats,
01:34so I figured I'd spray some of that stuff in there.
01:37That really is, isn't it?
01:38And the last white man to touch my hair, I shot him, so it'd be cool.
01:41Oh, all right.
01:44Okay, I quit.
01:45I give up.
01:46You know what they look like?
01:47What?
01:48Losers on dance fever.
01:53Okay, shall we begin?
02:02All right.
02:03Now, let's say hello to our two players here, Joe Credit and Chris Vort.
02:07Welcome.
02:09Great to have you with us.
02:11We're going to find out about Joe first.
02:13Tell us about you, sir.
02:14I live out in Simi Valley.
02:16I've been here for four years.
02:17Before that, I was from Boston.
02:21Great place.
02:21Oh, yeah, wonderful.
02:23And if you make a joke about my name, I promise to laugh.
02:27Joe Credit?
02:29Well, now, wait a minute.
02:30You want me to make a joke about your name?
02:32Well, I studiously avoid that sort of thing.
02:36When, you know, because the first lesson you have to learn in show business
02:40is never do or say the obvious.
02:43Anyone want to make a joke about Joe Credit's name?
02:46Joe Mama.
02:49Joe Mama.
02:50Joe Mama?
02:51Joe Mama.
02:51I don't know what that means.
02:54I don't understand.
02:55I can't even understand what you're saying.
02:57Joe Mama.
02:58I said Joe Mama.
03:00All right.
03:00Instead of Y-O-U-R, I put J-O-E there.
03:04Oh, I said Joe Mama.
03:05I, okay, I got you.
03:06You could, you could say.
03:07When your jokes need to be explained, you're in trouble, Arsenio.
03:11You could say that she, she works to get credit, couldn't you?
03:15I suppose so.
03:16Oh, I didn't say it.
03:19Joe, do you really want to play this game?
03:21I sure do.
03:22I'm really happy to be with you.
03:23Okay.
03:24Nice to have you with us.
03:25That's it.
03:27Now we're going to hear from Chris.
03:28Okay, Chris, that's enough.
03:33Borks.
03:35I live in Coquelala, Idaho.
03:37Coquelala?
03:38Uh-huh.
03:38That's south of Sand Point and north of Athol.
03:42There is one in Massachusetts also.
03:44Athol, A-T-H-O-L.
03:45A-T-H-O-L.
03:46That's right.
03:47Yes.
03:48And you live out here now?
03:49No, I'm visiting my parents who live in California.
03:52I have two small daughters, Quinn and Gavin, that keep me very busy.
03:55I love snow skiing and beaching in California in the summer.
03:59Well, you look like you've got a great tan, Chris.
04:01And now we'll play the match game if it's all right with you.
04:04I mean, we don't have to.
04:05You don't want to.
04:06All right.
04:07We'll play a few rounds.
04:08The winner will go on to challenge our returning champion on Hollywood Squares
04:12for a chance that went up to $30,000.
04:14Cool it.
04:15Sorry.
04:16Here we go.
04:17Joe won the song.
04:18You go first.
04:19I think I'll go with B.
04:20All right.
04:22Quiet!
04:22Yes, crap.
04:23I'm sorry.
04:24I'm sorry.
04:24I'm going to get the whip out again.
04:26Okay.
04:26Throw the whip out.
04:27Okay.
04:27Joe.
04:28Here it is.
04:29That'd be good.
04:29Okay.
04:30The sign maker said,
04:31Weird Willie just had me paint an all-you-can-eat sign for his business.
04:39The strange part is, Willie owns a blank store.
04:42The sign maker said, Weird Willie just had me paint an all-you-can-eat sign for his business.
04:54The strange part is, Willie owns a blank store.
04:56What kind of business did Willie own is the question.
05:01Yeah.
05:02Let me just see.
05:04Come on.
05:05Come on.
05:06Okay.
05:07Who won this contest?
05:08I wasn't paying any attention.
05:09She won the contest.
05:10Oh, I'm sorry.
05:11I was just listening to where she was originally near.
05:14Giuseppe.
05:15Upper tiers ready?
05:16Ready for you, Linda?
05:17Yes.
05:18Here we go, Joe.
05:19The sign maker said, Weird Willie just had me paint an all-you-can-eat sign for his business.
05:24The strange part is, Willie owns a blank store.
05:28A shoe store.
05:29Shoe store.
05:30Anything this year.
05:31Not edible.
05:32It's okay.
05:33Yeah.
05:34Anything not edible here is wide open.
05:36Anything.
05:36Yeah.
05:37Well, I got to it before they became shoes.
05:40I said pet shop.
05:41A pet shop.
05:43That would be crazy.
05:45What do you say?
05:46I said a tire shop.
05:48A tire shop.
05:49That's goofy.
05:50That's good.
05:51Anything goofy like that is great.
05:53Mine's not goofy.
05:53Mine, I said a clothing store.
05:55A clothing store.
05:56Wait a minute.
05:59Now, why would you boo that and not boo the tire shop?
06:02Really?
06:02Come on.
06:03She's better looking than the other two people.
06:05Yeah, but they booed me.
06:06Oh, wait a minute.
06:07They booed her.
06:08What do you got?
06:08I know.
06:08They're a twisted audience.
06:11They agree.
06:12Oh, what do I have?
06:13I have a furniture store.
06:17Wait a minute.
06:18Well, that shoots my theory of pieces.
06:21A furniture store.
06:23Linda?
06:24You could start to boo now.
06:26It's an appliance store.
06:28Appliance store.
06:29That's not bad.
06:30I'm sorry, Joe.
06:31Arsenio.
06:31Being the McLean-Stevenson of the ghetto, I said tire store.
06:35All right.
06:38All right.
06:39That was yours, Joe.
06:40Now let's see what we have for Chris.
06:42Texas.
06:43I don't think this is a real cowboy bar.
06:47Instead of a mechanical bucking bull, they have a mechanical bucking blank.
06:51This ain't no real bar.
06:59That ain't no mechanical bucking bull.
07:09This is...
07:10This isn't even funny.
07:13That's what's so funny.
07:15That's not why we hired you, Jamie.
07:21Nobody ever does.
07:23All right.
07:24Ready, Chris?
07:25Yes.
07:25Okay, Jamie, here we go.
07:27Tex said, I don't think there's a real cowboy bar.
07:29Instead of a mechanical bucking bull, they have a mechanical bucking blank.
07:32Pig?
07:33Pig.
07:33All right.
07:34Any animal.
07:34Pig, sheep, dog, whatever.
07:36Any animal?
07:37Well, sure.
07:38Instead of a bull, they would have something else.
07:39Well, I know, but that's not funny.
07:40She gave up with a pretty good response.
07:42Well, I like her response.
07:43I'm not crazy about mine.
07:44I said, cowgirl.
07:46All right.
07:47That's a...
07:48It's better than an old girl.
07:53It's better than an old girl.
07:54Cowgirl.
07:56They don't want to know where the bar is, Jamie.
08:02I put bartender.
08:03That's okay.
08:05I thought you said any animal.
08:07Well...
08:08Well, you didn't boo McLean, so you can't boo me.
08:11I said, bartender.
08:13All right.
08:17She's looking for a mechanical bucking.
08:19Well, you didn't boo McLean and Heidi, so you can't boo me.
08:22I said, calf.
08:23Calf is okay.
08:25I couldn't get away with it.
08:28I don't think I said it.
08:29It's a good try, though.
08:30I should be up on that roll.
08:30No, that's a bull account.
08:31You should be.
08:31I said, waitress.
08:32No, but waitress.
08:35I never thought of it.
08:36A little dirty.
08:37All right.
08:39Here's the last chance for a pig.
08:41I said...
08:42You are going to get it.
08:47Come on, though.
08:48I'm already scared of this crowd.
08:50This is like the Manson family.
08:51Guys in beard.
08:52Boom.
08:54Boom.
08:55I said pink Volkswagen.
08:57You didn't.
09:00Crazy.
09:03So there it is.
09:04Zero to zero.
09:05That's round one, but that's a tough round.
09:06You'll get to the easy one right after this for you.
09:08Here we go.
09:14Round two.
09:17We are.
09:17The score is tied, and you went first last time.
09:19Chris will ask you to go first this time.
09:21I'll take A, please.
09:22All right.
09:22You've got it.
09:23Anything you say is okay with me, Chris.
09:25Here we go.
09:26The doctor said to Sidney, the sword swallower.
09:32Sidney, I'm putting you on a strict diet.
09:34From now on, you can only swallow blanks.
09:44Swallow blanks.
09:45Okay.
09:55All right.
10:03They're both good, really.
10:04I didn't do much better.
10:06Yeah.
10:06Uncle G, she's looking at my paper.
10:12All right.
10:15Here we go, Chris.
10:17The doctor said to Sidney, the sword swallower,
10:20I'm putting you on a strict diet.
10:22From now on, you can only swallow blanks.
10:24Pocket knives.
10:26Knives.
10:27All right.
10:31Knives.
10:32What do you say?
10:34Oh, I...
10:35Knives.
10:38You said nice.
10:40What's the math?
10:42You're a little action, like you're texting.
10:44Oh, you're an actor.
10:46You are an actor.
10:47Yes, yes.
10:48Sometimes.
10:48You could have fooled me.
10:49A lot of people might think there's a difference between a parry and a pocket knife, but I know
10:54plenty of guys that'll put a parry knife in their pocket when they don't have a pocket knife.
10:59Okay.
11:00Okay.
11:01I said parry knife.
11:02Parry knife.
11:07Okay.
11:08What do you say?
11:09I said knife.
11:11All right.
11:12You had two good answers there.
11:19I sure did.
11:20And did you see which one I threw out?
11:21No.
11:21I threw out the one that she said.
11:23Ah.
11:24And I chose needles.
11:25Well, that's a good one, too.
11:26Yeah.
11:27See, it was a real strict...
11:28Now, wait a second.
11:29Now, just one gosh darn minute.
11:33Just one gosh darn minute, or I'm on my way back to Athol.
11:37Because you cannot boo a good answer simply because it didn't match.
11:42Yes.
11:43Correct.
11:44Right.
11:44I guess you can, huh?
11:47May I continue?
11:49Linda.
11:50That's why they put him on a shot on me.
11:51Well, uh...
11:53Boat, boat, boat, boat, boat, bang, bang, bang, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.
11:58Keep going.
12:04Razor blades.
12:06Can I put it down?
12:08Yeah.
12:08Yeah.
12:08Finish with that.
12:09Razor blades is hers.
12:10What's yours?
12:10I said exactly what she said.
12:11Pocket knife.
12:12Okay.
12:14You must believe in the...
12:16Not bad for round two.
12:17Damn.
12:18All right, Joe.
12:19This one's yours.
12:22Newlywed Nan said to her mother...
12:26This is a long question, so listen.
12:27Do the mother.
12:28Go ahead.
12:29Oh, do newlywed Nan.
12:30Newlywed Nan.
12:31Yeah, go ahead.
12:32Go on and see this.
12:32Come on.
12:33I asked you, Jamie.
12:34No.
12:34This is great.
12:35Come on.
12:35Come on, Gene.
12:36No, I'm not going to do it.
12:37Do the mother.
12:41Do the mother.
12:42Do somebody.
12:43I've never done Nan before.
12:45But I'll try if you want me to.
12:50This is the way Nan talks.
12:52She says, Mom, Mom being married to a research scientist is awful.
12:56On our wedding night, he wouldn't come to bed until I dressed up as a blank.
13:00Newlywed Nan is speaking.
13:05Yeah.
13:06Newlywed Nan said to her mother, Mom, I'm married to a research scientist is awful.
13:09On our wedding night, he wouldn't come to bed until I dressed up as a blank.
13:12Newlywed Nan is speaking.
13:14Right.
13:17Research scientist are the operative words.
13:19You need some help, a little clarification?
13:21Yeah.
13:21Good.
13:31All right.
13:33Yeah.
13:34Those are two good possibilities.
13:36The upper tier is ready.
13:36The so is the lower tier.
13:37So, Joe, we come to you.
13:40Newlywed Nan said to her mother, she says, Mom, being married to a research scientist is awful.
13:45On our wedding night, he wouldn't come to bed until I dressed up as a blank.
13:49Guinea pig.
13:50Guinea pig is a good one.
13:53Hey, very good.
13:58Guinea pig is a traditional...
13:59Excellent answer.
14:00It's much better than the one I came up with.
14:02What did you come up with?
14:03Test tube.
14:04Test tube.
14:05That's good.
14:08Test tube and guinea pig are both excellent.
14:10I'll tell you what I put down, Gene.
14:12What did you put down?
14:13I put down a bunny rabbit.
14:14A bunny rabbit.
14:15They use those for research also.
14:17That's right.
14:17That's okay.
14:18Leave him alone.
14:20He's wearing a blue blazer.
14:21Okay.
14:22Can't be all bad.
14:23Is there a boo?
14:23I said rat.
14:25A rat.
14:29Rats, guinea pigs, they're all used in laboratories.
14:32What have you got?
14:33Got a rat down here.
14:35Yes.
14:36Oh!
14:36Look, they didn't do that.
14:40Oh, they didn't do that.
14:40Oh, they didn't do that.
14:41Oh, they didn't do that.
14:42Bang, bang, bang, bang.
14:42He's doing things behind your back.
14:44My brother in nose talked them into it?
14:47Right.
14:47All right, Linda, you're up.
14:49Well, they use monkeys.
14:50They do?
14:51I do.
14:51Yep.
14:52Some researches.
14:53Come on, one guinea pig, Arsenio.
14:56At first I wrote asshole, but just like an asshole, but then I put white rat.
15:01White rat.
15:01All right.
15:02So there we are at the end of round two.
15:04Four to nothing to score.
15:05Chris is ahead.
15:05Third and final round coming up right after this.
15:14Here we go with the third and final round.
15:19Chris, you're ahead.
15:20You'll go first.
15:20Hey, please, Jim.
15:21Hey, it is.
15:22Now, two people play.
15:24John and Linda, please respond to this.
15:27With this question.
15:28I guess it's not.
15:29You.
15:29Just the two of you.
15:30She's matched to everyone else.
15:31Oh, oh.
15:34Have you heard of the two jerks from Italy, the world's worst Italian restaurant?
15:38Have you heard about that place?
15:40No, but they probably didn't match in the last round either.
15:42Here's what happens there.
15:44If you order garlic bread, the waiter brings you a slice of wonder bread and blanks on it.
15:53That's it.
15:56Excellent.
15:58That's it.
15:59Oh.
16:00See that.
16:01Ready, Linda?
16:06Ready, Linda.
16:07Here we go.
16:08Two jerks from Italy, the world's worst Italian restaurant.
16:11If you order garlic bread, the waiter brings you a slice of wonder bread and blanks on it.
16:15Spits?
16:15She said spits.
16:16She said spits.
16:18What do you say?
16:22Spits.
16:23What do you say?
16:25I said breathe.
16:26Breathe.
16:27Yeah.
16:28Yeah.
16:29Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
16:33Breathe.
16:35It's his fault.
16:36I see it.
16:37No, that's it.
16:38All right.
16:38So, Chris, you remain at four, and that means, Joe, you can tie it with four.
16:43However, you can win it with five.
16:45Here it is.
16:47The referee said to Bob the boxer, I don't care if it is your good luck charm.
16:53You cannot box with a blank in your glove.
16:55Want to read it again?
17:10I'm ready, Uncle Gene.
17:11Very good, Arsenio.
17:12You may go to the head of the class.
17:14Wash the glitter out of your hair first, though.
17:18Ready, Heidi?
17:19Yes, I'm coming.
17:20I'm coming.
17:25Now, Joe, the referee said to Bob the boxer, I don't care if it is your good luck charm.
17:32You can't box with a blank in your glove.
17:35Horseshoe.
17:35Very good, Joe.
17:39Oh, Joe's a good player, isn't he?
17:44This I crossed out, but I thought this would be a good answer.
17:47Sugar Ray Leonard in the boxing glove.
17:49I did say horseshoe.
17:51You did say that.
17:53All right, one for Joe.
17:55Four to one to score.
17:57I said prunes.
17:59I said horseshoe.
18:01He said horseshoe.
18:02Four to two to score.
18:03Hello, darling.
18:04Hi there.
18:05I said horseshoe.
18:09Four to three to score.
18:10One more horseshoe ties the score.
18:14Horseshoe.
18:22For you.
18:23One more horseshoe wins the game, and there he is!
18:33Right there.
18:34Chris, it was a pleasure to meet you.
18:39Chris Morse, ladies and gentlemen.
18:41Hey, how do you feel?
18:43Great.
18:44Good for you.
18:45Now we're going to switch to Hollywood Squares.
18:46Here comes the rest of the set.
18:48Three more stars will come in.
18:49John and I will trade places.
18:50Got a lot of excitement coming along.
18:52Don't go away.
18:54A member of our studio audience will receive Hamilton's Millennium 4 Ladies Quartz Watch.
19:00Micron-plated case and bracelet.
19:02Adjustable hook lock.
19:03Furnished by Hamilton.
19:06And some of our departing contestants will receive Jonathan Martin dresses in sportswear.
19:10Now in silks, linens, and other naturals for that custom-tailed look.
19:13No one dresses a woman like Jonathan Martin.
19:16Qualifil, the luxury pillow is non-allergenic.
19:18Scrunchable, plumbable, washable, qualifil, a modern alternative to down.
19:21Mr. Turkey brand Turkey Frank's luncheon meats and sausage.
19:25The great tasting way to cut down on fats and calories.
19:27Ideal for lunch or dinner.
19:29Real chocolate and 100% vegetable shortening.
19:31Make it easy to taste.
19:32The sunshine difference in Hydrox chocolate and cream.
19:35Sandwich cookies from sunshine.
19:37Pour yourself a frosty one.
19:38Rich, creamy A&W root beer or one calorie sugar-free A&W.
19:42And now, it's time for more of the match game.
19:45Hollywood Square, our win from Night Court, Paula Kelly.
19:55From Scrabble, Chuck Woolery.
19:59Arlene Francis.
20:06Arlene Francis.
20:11And taking over, the star of the Hollywood Square, John Bowman.
20:17Oh, Arlene, you're just too dignified for this.
20:20What are we going to do?
20:21We'll be back in a minute to play Hollywood Square.
20:23And now, John Bowman and the Hollywood Square.
20:33And here he is, Joe Credit.
20:35Who's the guy who says he saw me with Sha-la-la at Suffolk Downs in about 1973 or so.
20:40And Aerosmith was the opening act, right?
20:41That's right.
20:42I remember it well.
20:43People threw beer cans at me all night.
20:44We were going...
20:45We're not going to make any jokes about your name, Joe Credit.
20:48But you're an okay guy and you made your way through match game.
20:50Good for you.
20:50You're going out to Hollywood Squares.
20:53No, come back here, Joe.
20:54Stay here for a second.
20:55We have three new celebrities to introduce.
20:57They are Paula Kelly, Arlene Francis, and Chuck Woolery.
21:06And for today, I have something to bring up about Paula Kelly.
21:11You are certainly the first person who has ever been a guest on our show
21:15who has a dance scholarship in your name at a wonderful university.
21:20What about a...
21:21Oh, yeah.
21:23Well, am I the first?
21:24Well, I'm ecstatic.
21:26UCLA is going to be offering a dance scholarship in my name this mall,
21:31Paula Kelly Dance Scholarship.
21:33So all you graduates, come out there and do a couple of swirls.
21:38Help you get through school.
21:40Well, congratulations to you, Gene.
21:41And I certainly don't have dance scholarships in our name.
21:44You probably don't either, Joe.
21:45But why don't you and I dance over here and play Hollywood Squares.
21:47Here we go.
21:53And here is our defending champion.
21:57She is Nancy Lazarus.
21:59How many days for you, Nance?
22:00It's my third day.
22:01I think it is.
22:02$22,350 so far.
22:07A wealthy lady.
22:12All right, I'll put you on the spot.
22:13What are you going to do with $22,350?
22:15I desperately need a new car.
22:17So that's what I think I'm going to do.
22:19Okay.
22:19Well, depending on the car, there may be a lot of that money left over.
22:22And depending on what happens to you today and possibly in the subsequent day,
22:26you may win even more money.
22:27But Joe Credit is going to have plenty to say about that.
22:30We're going to play Hollywood Squares until we all hear the time so well.
22:33Whoever is ahead at that point goes on to play Supermatch,
22:35which is worth up to $30,000.
22:38Don't ever change, Joe.
22:39The first game is worth $100, $25 for every square.
22:44As always, Nancy, it is your turn to start.
22:46Pick a star and let's go.
22:48McClain, please.
22:49McClain Stevenson.
22:51You and your wife are getting divorced.
22:54So?
22:54Okay, he doesn't care.
22:58Can we throw out this question?
22:59You and your wife are...
23:00Pretend you and your wife are getting divorced.
23:02According to the American Veterinary Association,
23:05who will suffer the most by this split?
23:08Your dog or your cat?
23:17Your wife?
23:17Yeah, heavy.
23:18Heavy.
23:21Taken from the book of dumb.
23:24Well, from the movie, who cares, I would say the dog,
23:31because cats are D-U-M-B.
23:35I love cats, but they're not...
23:37All right, great.
23:38Now we're going to get a bunch of letters from cats.
23:39I hate cats.
23:41Thanks, McClain.
23:42Nancy, he says your dog will suffer more from the divorce.
23:46Agree or disagree?
23:47I agree.
23:48Your dog will suffer from the divorce.
23:50But I think...
23:52You get the square very well done.
23:54But I don't think it's because cats are D-U-M-B.
23:56I think it's because they're I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T.
24:00What does that do, Bill?
24:04Joe, pick a star.
24:05Arsenio?
24:06Okay, Mr. Hall.
24:08Here we go.
24:08It was recently announced that Pia Zadora is going to have one.
24:16Is it a baby or a one-woman show on Broadway?
24:25I'll tell you, if she has that show, I'll be there opening night.
24:28Because she's a very talented lady.
24:30I'm sure.
24:34Pia, I didn't mean that, babe.
24:36I don't want to find a horse's head and some Dubonnet in my bed tonight, you know?
24:43Okay.
24:46Okay.
24:48I think it's...
24:50Don't look up here.
24:52Are you following this, Joe?
24:54You're going to have to answer this question in a second.
24:55I think it's going to be the one-woman show on Broadway.
24:58That's what I heard when I was in Vegas last week.
24:59He says, okay, you know who Pia Zadora is.
25:01He says she's going to have a one-woman show on Broadway.
25:03Agree or disagree, Joe?
25:04I'll agree.
25:05Pia Zadora is going to have a baby.
25:09No, you should have disagreed with Arsenio.
25:12And your opponent gets that square.
25:14So that's two X's right up there in a row for you, Nancy.
25:17Pick a star.
25:18Paula to win.
25:20This will give you the first game.
25:22Are there more bones in a woman's body than there are in a man's?
25:27Or don't bones have anything to do with gender?
25:29Well, now, think about anatomy here.
25:39It's interesting.
25:40It is.
25:42Actually, I think there are more bones in a man's body simply because of the addition of...
25:52Oddly enough, that's not one of the possibilities.
25:56Oddly enough, that's not one of the possibilities.
25:58There either are more bones in a woman's body or bones have nothing to do with gender.
26:05Oh, okay.
26:06Bones have nothing to do with gender.
26:07Okay.
26:07What do you say, Nancy, agree or disagree?
26:09I'll agree.
26:10Men and women have, in fact, the same number of bones.
26:13Yes, the bones have nothing to do with gender.
26:15You get the square.
26:17You win the first game.
26:19Because in a man's body or a woman's body, there are 206.
26:22Count them.
26:23206 bones.
26:25You can count them over the next couple of minutes and then come back with us for the $200 game.
26:29See ya.
26:31Stay tuned for more of the match game.
26:33Hollywood Squares Hour.
26:36I'm going to...
26:36Now, back to John Bowman and the Hollywood Squares.
26:45175 for the jam.
26:48Nothing so far for Joe.
26:50Joe, just relax into your seat, concentrate, and pick a star for me.
26:54McLean.
26:55Okay, McLean Stevenson.
26:57Was Joan Rivers the first woman to guest host The Tonight Show?
27:01Or did Arlene Francis guest host the show back in 1962?
27:08No question.
27:09Arlene Francis.
27:11He says Arlene Francis did guest host that show in 1962.
27:15What do you say, Joe?
27:15I agree.
27:16Arlene did it in 1962.
27:18You're right to agree.
27:19You're on the board.
27:20And you know how quickly things can change in this game, champ, so you've got to try to
27:29keep the pressure on with another ex if you can.
27:32Gene, please.
27:32Mr. Rayburn.
27:34Yeah.
27:34While driving through the Dutch countryside, you see a number of cows covered with blankets.
27:41Are they pregnant?
27:42Or are they used for transportation?
27:51I have driven through the Dutch countryside, and I've never seen a cow covered with a blanket.
27:56So I'm going to have to take a wild shot at this and guess, which is really not the object
28:01of the game.
28:02You're supposed to know or give a good bluff.
28:04And I can't do either at this point.
28:06I would say, now let's see, you know Barbara Woodhouse, are we going to have time for the
28:13soap opera that comes on after this?
28:15Barbara Woodhouse puts a saddle on a cow and jumps them over fences.
28:19So cows could be used as beasts of burden, even though we know them as milk givers.
28:24So I'd say yes, a cow could be used as a means of transportation.
28:29He says that the cows covered with blankets are used for transportation.
28:34Agree or disagree, Nancy?
28:36I'll disagree.
28:37The cows in the Dutch countryside covered with blankets are pregnant.
28:40You are right to disagree, and you get to swear.
28:45Yeah, that makes somewhat more sense.
28:48He has a door, I believe, is covered with a blanket.
28:51Uh, Joe, pick a star for an O.
28:55Jamie, please.
28:56All right, Mr. Farr.
28:57All right, yes.
28:58It's Mr. Credit, Mr. Bowman.
29:00You're a woman.
29:01Again?
29:04Again with the woman?
29:06Sound more familiar by the minute.
29:08You're a woman, and you just enlisted in the U.S. Army.
29:11Again?
29:13Are you allowed to fraternize with the male enlistees, or are they strictly off-limits until you're
29:20through with basic training?
29:25Having served as both, I would think that you could fraternize with them because you
29:33have to go through the same basic training that they go through.
29:35You have to go through the same bivouac and all the other things.
29:38So I think you could fraternize with them now.
29:40He says you're allowed to fraternize with the male enlistees if you're a woman.
29:43Agree or disagree, Joe?
29:44I agree.
29:45You are allowed to fraternize with the male enlistees, and you are right to agree.
29:50You get the square and have taken a bit of command in this game.
29:53Nancy, pick a star.
29:55I need a block, please.
29:56Otherwise, if you miss this one, the game and the lead goes to Joe Credit.
30:01Your friend from England called you at 3 a.m. to tell you he'd burst his geyser.
30:11Was he talking about his appendix or his water heater?
30:18His appendix.
30:20To block, agree or disagree that that geyser is his appendix, Nancy?
30:25I'll agree.
30:26If he burst his geyser, he'd burst his water heater.
30:30You should have disagreed.
30:31Your opponent gets the square and your opponent wins the game.
30:35Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go.
30:42Joe Credit, Joe Credit, Joe Credit, you have done it.
30:46You've come back from a lot of ribbing and you have taken the lead.
30:49All right.
30:50We are going to clear the board immediately, zip right on to the next game, which is worth $300.
30:54We're going to start it with our champ, Nancy.
30:57McLean, please.
31:03After months of research, two chemists from the University of Minnesota
31:07finally came up with a new compound.
31:10Is it synthetic garlic or wet air?
31:20It is synthetic garlic.
31:22What do you say?
31:24Nancy?
31:25I'll agree.
31:25It is synthetic garlic.
31:27You were right to agree.
31:28You get the first square in the $300.
31:30Wet air?
31:32What is wet air?
31:34We'll be back to find out.
31:35Well, I'm sure we'll never find that out,
31:37but we'll find out what happens to the $300 game after this.
31:42$275 for the challenge and $225 for the champ.
31:44A close one going.
31:46It's a $300 game, obviously.
31:48Everything rides on this.
31:49Joe Credit, your move for an O.
31:51Paula?
31:52Paula Kelly.
31:52You're a hungry, praying mantis, ready to attack a fly.
32:01At the last minute, you realize it's dead.
32:05Will you still eat it, or does it have to be alive and kicking?
32:08My instinct said it has to be alive and kicking.
32:19What do you say, Joe?
32:20Agree or disagree?
32:21I agree.
32:22You will eat the dead fly.
32:25You should have disagreed with Paula.
32:26Your opponent gets that square.
32:28I'm sure you were right.
32:29All right.
32:31So, Nancy, you've got a couple of X's up there.
32:34Make your move.
32:35Arsenio to win, please.
32:37This would give you the lead back.
32:38You guys are going to blow up a joke.
32:39Go on.
32:40No, you are.
32:42Arsenio, we all know that Ronald Reagan's daughter, Patty, is an actress.
32:46I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
32:56Oh, it's quite okay.
32:58We all know that Ronald Reagan's daughter, Patty, is an actress.
33:01But the child of another presidential candidate is also trying to make it big in show business.
33:06Is it Walter Mondale's daughter or Jesse Jackson's son?
33:11Wow.
33:14Wow.
33:18I'm almost positive it's Mondale's daughter.
33:21What do you say for the game, agree or disagree?
33:23I'll agree.
33:24It is Walter Mondale's daughter.
33:26You are right to agree.
33:27You get a square and you win the game.
33:31Walter Mondale's daughter is going to be a show business.
33:36Nancy Lazarus has taken the lead, but there are three X's on the board, which we are now going to remove.
33:40We're going to clear the board and zip right along to the $400 game and anything can happen.
33:44Joe, pick a star.
33:45McLean, please.
33:46McLean Stevenson.
33:47This is not a safe lead by any means, as you know.
33:51Minnie Mouse's guests never showed for dinner, McLean.
33:56Can Minnie freeze her cheese balls?
34:02Or will they be permanently damaged?
34:05You'll not get a zany answer from me on this one, big guy.
34:12You can't freeze your cheese balls.
34:16So her cheese balls are going to be bad.
34:21Green, fuzzy, bad.
34:25He says your cheese balls will be permanently damaged.
34:28What do you say, Joe?
34:29I agree.
34:30Minnie Mouse can freeze her cheese balls.
34:34You should have disagreed with McLean.
34:37Never made a ten.
34:38And your opponent gets that square, but Minnie is greatly relieved.
34:41Nancy, pick a star for an X.
34:43Chuck, please.
34:44All right.
34:45Chuck Woolery into the fray.
34:51The way things are going, you get applause because you haven't done anything yet.
34:54Just wait, John.
34:56You're the only innocent person up there, Chuck.
34:58When a man sees an ad with a nude woman in it, is he likely to remember the product,
35:04or does he usually forget what the ad was about?
35:08You know, they usually tell us when we're going for commercials that they don't like handsome people
35:13and they don't like nude women because it usually draws the attention to the person instead of the product.
35:18I would say the product.
35:19I'm guessing, but I would say the product.
35:21Oh, well, pardon me.
35:22They would not remember the product.
35:23Right, they would remember the girl.
35:24They usually forget what the ad was about.
35:25Agree or disagree, Nancy?
35:27I'll agree.
35:27They usually do forget.
35:29The man does forget when the ad has a nude woman in it.
35:32I'll buy that.
35:33Whatever it was.
35:35You got the square.
35:38Joe, your move.
35:39Gene, for the block, please.
35:40Now, this is absolutely critical at this point in the game because if Nancy wins it, she's got a humongous lead.
35:46What is America's longest-running musical, Gene?
35:49Is it Grease or The Fantastics?
35:53The Fantastics has been going for about 26 years.
36:00Uh, I think it's Fantastics.
36:05He says The Fantastics is America's longest-running musical.
36:07What do you say, Joe?
36:08I'll agree.
36:09Right to agree.
36:10It is The Fantastics.
36:11You get the square.
36:11Thank you, Dupland.
36:12Very important for you.
36:13That's 25 years.
36:14Very close for Gene.
36:15Only eight years for Grease.
36:17Nancy, your move.
36:19I'll go with Paula, please.
36:20Paula Kelly.
36:23You're a typical lighthouse.
36:24Are you manned or unmanned?
36:32I'm...
36:33I'm manned.
36:35She says a typical lighthouse is manned.
36:37What do you say, Nancy?
36:38I think I'll disagree.
36:40That is why you have been the champ for three days, because a typical lighthouse is unmanned.
36:45You are right to disagree, and you get the square.
36:48And had you missed that one, that would have put Joe in a very strong position.
36:52Hard to disagree at the right time.
36:54You have done it well.
36:55Time is up.
36:56She has done it.
36:57Fourth day in a row.
36:58Nancy Lazarus is our champ.
37:00$650.
37:00Good for you.
37:01That's so close.
37:04That sounds close.
37:05Very close.
37:07Closer than anyone might think.
37:10Congratulations.
37:11Zoom your way over there.
37:13Join Gene.
37:13Get sent once again for your shout-out to big money.
37:18Congratulations to you, Joe Credit.
37:19Your total leaping here is $300.
37:21And, of course, our thanks for playing Magic Game Hollywood Squares.
37:23Good for you.
37:24You're a good guy.
37:28Joe Credit now.
37:29And we'll return with her in the nine stars right after these messages.
37:39And now, here to play the Supermatch is Gene Rayburn.
37:44Okay, Gene Wood, thank you.
37:46Nancy, third day.
37:49You're familiar with this routine.
37:51And, once again, you're going to try for the big dough.
37:53Let's go and see if you get it.
37:54We pulled an audience not too long ago and said,
37:56Write down your best answer to this.
37:58Chicken flame.
37:59Remember, if you give us the answer they wrote down most often,
38:01we give you $1,000.
38:03For the next one, $500.
38:04And for the third, $250.
38:06Any three of the nine stars are allowed to offer little assistance here
38:10by suggesting answers.
38:11Whom do you call on first?
38:13John?
38:15Yeah, you know, I'll just go with the first thing that popped into my head.
38:19There are a few good ones, unfortunately.
38:20I'll say Chicken Little.
38:21There's one.
38:22Okay, Arsenia?
38:26Let's go with something old-fashioned like chicken soup.
38:28Chicken soup.
38:33Chuck?
38:34Chicken pot pie.
38:36Chicken pot pie.
38:37All right, so there you have it.
38:39Chicken pot pie, chicken soup, and chicken little.
38:42You want one of those or one of your own?
38:45Chicken soup.
38:46Chicken soup is what she's after.
38:47Good old chicken soup.
38:52It's very healthy stuff, you know.
38:54It's not just an old wives' tale.
38:55It really is good for you.
38:57Let's see if chicken soup is under the $250 response.
39:00Chicken pox is there.
39:01Put pox on your chicken.
39:02Sure.
39:03All right, let's see what we got under the $500 response.
39:07Chicken little.
39:08All right, there's the answer.
39:10Now, here's your last chance for chicken soup.
39:12Go!
39:13Yeah!
39:15That would be $1,000.
39:16Wow.
39:17You're almost up to $25,000.
39:24Good.
39:25Now for the head-to-head match with any star of your choosing,
39:28and after you've made your decision,
39:29we'll ask the star to reveal the hidden number.
39:32And we hope this time you get a $30,000,
39:34because that means you'll be playing for $30,000.
39:37Where do you think the $30,000 is?
39:40I'll try John.
39:41You think John might have the $30,000?
39:44Okay.
39:45Ready?
39:46Go.
39:46$10,000 is what you're playing for.
39:51What a horrible disappointment.
39:54Only $10,000.
39:57A goodly sum, Nancy.
39:59Not too badly.
40:00Right.
40:01Good luck to you.
40:02Here it is.
40:03Blank candy.
40:05C-A-N-D-Y.
40:06Blank candy.
40:18John's ready, Nancy.
40:19You collect the $10,000 simply by matching him.
40:22What do you say to that?
40:24Chocolate candy.
40:25Chocolate candy.
40:29All right, John.
40:30She says chocolate candy will match you.
40:31What do you say?
40:33I went with the first thing that popped into my head again this time.
40:38And last time was Chicken Little, and this time was cotton candy.
40:42Cotton candy.
40:44Cotton candy.
40:45You haven't done too badly.
40:47You won a pretty good bundle of money on the Hollywood Squares part, and you got the $1,000 here.
40:53So that means you have $24,000.
40:57No, I think you've got a little more than $24,000.
41:00Did you add up for Hollywood Squares part of it also?
41:03Is that the correct total?
41:04All right, $24,000 isn't bad.
41:06We'll be back with the champ here in the stars right after this.
41:11If you would like to be a member of our studio audience here on the Match Game, Hollywood Squares Hour,
41:17send a self-addressed stamp envelope to tickets.
41:20The Match Game, Hollywood Squares Hour.
41:223,000 West Alameda Avenue, Burbank, California, 91523.
41:29Here we go.
41:30Now we're going to have the big reveal.
41:32Find out which of the stars had the 130 that's up there.
41:36Ready, set, go.
41:40Arlene had a big number.
41:43Well, Arlene and gang, you were splendid.
41:45We hope to get all of you back together in this same wonderful zany combination.
41:50Okay?
41:50Really?
41:51Are you sure?
41:52Yeah.
41:52They were a funny crew.
41:56They were great.
41:56All right.
41:57And probably they still are.
41:59You're going to have a weekend off.
42:01That's right.
42:01And we'll see you here on Monday.
42:03I'll be here.
42:04Okay.
42:04I'll be here, too.
42:05I'm Gene Rayburn inviting you to be here on Monday.
42:07John Bowman saying so long for the Match Game, Hollywood Squares Hour.
42:10A member of our studio audience will receive Tappan's Deluxe Microwave Oven with Tappan Touch Controls, built-in browner, 10 different cooking speeds so you can program to defrost and cook automatically, furnished by Tappan.
42:24And some of our department condensors will receive Near East Offers Old World Flavor, an alternative to Postero Potatoes.
42:30Discover Near East Price Pilaf, the original 100% natural from Near East Foods.
42:35Clean and clear leads to no dulling residue.
42:37It's the no-rinse cleaner for a clearly beautiful floor.
42:40Boratine, the Borax Bleacher, was formulated for the big switch to warm water washing.
42:44Now for white or bright or more stain-free wash.
42:46Switch to Boratine, the Borax Bleacher.
42:48Niagara, America's number one selling spray starch.
42:50It should help prevent the deep penetration of soil and stain to get a crisper, firmer finish with Niagara Spray Starch.
42:56Only Q-Tex remover has moist regard to protect nails against drying and breaking.
43:00No wonder it's America's number one remover.
43:02This is Gene Wood speaking for the match game of Hollywood Squares Hour.
43:26A Mark Goodson television production.
43:28Call it a traveling news program.
43:34Call it a news program where politicians get to question those who report about them.
43:38Call it a program that tells you what happened this week.
43:40Call it live television.
43:42Call it Summer Sunday USA.
43:44Join Linda Ellaby and Andrea Mitchell on the news program for smart people.
43:48Summer Sunday, live except on the West Coast.
43:50If you like Wheel of Fortune, you're gonna love the all-new...
43:59The brand-new television version of the game that you all know so well.
44:04Super game.
44:05Scrabble's a word game with a real challenge.
44:07It was fantastic.
44:08Starring Chuck Woolery.
44:09He's the cutest.
44:10Scrabble premieres Monday following Wheel of Fortune, 11.30 Eastern, 10.30 Central and Pacific.
44:14Starring Chuck Woolery.