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00:00It is written that the wages of sin is death, and I say unto you, go forth into the towns,
00:15the villages, the temples, and the taverns, and bring salvation to those who have succumbed
00:27to the evils of strong drink, new music, and the temptation of the flesh.
00:36And we are coming, Lord. Oh, yes, we're coming.
00:57This is it, brothers and sisters.
01:25The front line in the war against the devil and all his works.
01:29The virgin hat!
01:31Oh, I realise that from the outside, it gives the impression that it's nothing more than a nice little hostelry,
01:38where the weary traveller can refresh himself with a jar of ale and a bag of pork scratch-ins.
01:43But inside, Sodom and Gomorrah.
01:47That'll do, Alice. I know you haven't been in the corps for long, but there'll be no backsliding while I'm in command.
01:55Tasty! Tasty!
01:59It's not that, Aunty.
02:01Oh, Captain, it's just that, well, it can't be all that bad, surely.
02:05I mean, my late Arthur used to come in here.
02:08Alice, there wasn't a public house between here and Halifax your late Arthur didn't go into.
02:14That was the main reason he was called to that great temperance tea room in the sky.
02:19So let that be a lesson to you.
02:21Yes, Aunty dear.
02:22Oh, please, call me Captain. We're on duty.
02:25Oh, yes, Captain dear. Sorry I keep forgetting.
02:29But what shall I do with these?
02:32What do you usually do with them?
02:34Same.
02:36Well done.
02:37Now, usual strategy.
02:39I'll direct a frontal attack while you cut off their retreat.
02:43Right.
02:44Jesus wants me for a sunbeam.
02:50Vow till ready.
02:51This won't take long.
02:56Now what?
02:57What?
02:58I was just thinking.
02:59I wonder why they called it the bird in hand.
03:02Oh!
03:03Oh!
03:04Now we're not.
03:06Now put your hand in your pocket, brother.
03:10God bless.
03:11Right, let's see what the boys in the back room will go.
03:14Oh, my God.
03:16Not quite, brother.
03:17Just one of his humble sons.
03:19Good evening, brothers and sisters.
03:29The Lord would appreciate a slight donation
03:32to help your less fortunate brothers and sisters.
03:35Remember, the good Lord loveth a cheerful giver.
03:39Corinthians, chapter 7, verse 5.
03:44Don't hold on, brothers and sisters.
03:46There's plenty to go round.
03:49Remember the old nursery rhyme.
03:51If you haven't got a fiver, a pound will do.
03:54If you haven't got a pound...
03:56To you!
03:58Oh, very amusing, Mr. Smedley.
04:02It is Mr. Smedley, isn't it?
04:04From the corner shop.
04:05Yeah, I thought it was.
04:07And that must be your good lady wife, I think it.
04:11How do you do, sister?
04:12I'm not your sister.
04:13I'm not his wife either.
04:15He's not married, are you?
04:17Oh, please.
04:18I am sorry.
04:20And I really thought that all those sweet little children belonged to you.
04:25What children?
04:27Give us half a dozen of them, will you?
04:29Len, you never said anything about this.
04:32Here, now offbeat.
04:34God bless you, brother.
04:35Charity shall cover a multitude of sins.
04:38You said you were an international financier.
04:41Thank you, brothers and sisters.
04:44See you again soon.
04:46Not if we see you first.
04:49Ah!
04:50Good evening, everyone.
04:51Welcome to our meeting.
05:04Welcome to our meeting.
05:17Good evening, brother.
05:19God welcomes you, and so do we.
05:22Now, there's a sinner if I ever saw one.
05:24How can you tell?
05:25That expression.
05:27So sad, so cynical.
05:29And those eyes, tortured by years of depravity.
05:34I think he looks rather nice.
05:36Well, you would.
05:38Believe me, Alice, that man needs us.
05:41Or he wouldn't be here.
05:43Don't give up, brother.
05:45No one is beyond redemption.
05:47Look, you really ought to know.
05:48But though your sins be as scarlet, you will be white as snow.
05:53Isaiah.
05:54Chapter 1, 18.
05:57Chapter 1, 18.
05:58How do you know that?
06:00Because we happen to be in the same line of business.
06:04But, Colonel, anyone can make a mistake.
06:09Look, Captain, not recognising the priest of St. Joseph's is one thing, but telling him his sins were as scarlet is another.
06:17I did pray for forgiveness.
06:18Well, of course you did, just like all the other times.
06:21Other times?
06:23What about the time that you were invited to a meeting of the local prison chapel and chose the text of the Book of Isaiah?
06:31All that time?
06:32Yeah, well, I thought I'd explained about that.
06:34He has sent me to proclaim the liberty of the captives and to open the prison to them that are bound?
06:41Well, I thought it would inspire them.
06:43It did.
06:45The governor said it took nearly three days to get the men back into their cells.
06:50Yeah, well, I agree.
06:51I might have made a slight error of judgment.
06:53And what about the time that you picketed the Civic Hall and you accused the local council of running a gambling den on the rates?
07:01Well, they were.
07:02On an old age pension, Beetle Drive.
07:06Well, what's that got to do with it?
07:08You see, that's how it always starts.
07:10A Beetle Drive today, tomorrow, chamois, blackjack, three-car brag.
07:16An old age pension?
07:18Well, I'm sorry, Colonel, but you see, I was trained to believe that you cannot compromise with evil.
07:24Either it's right or it's wrong.
07:27And remember, he who touches pitch is de-pac.
07:32Oh, sorry, only a levy, levy.
07:37It's quite all right.
07:39I can use my handkerchief quite well, thank you very much.
07:44Well, I'm sorry about that, but you see, when I get the bit between my teeth...
07:47And that is precisely what I wanted to talk to you about.
07:53My teeth?
07:54No.
07:56It's about your attitude.
07:58About your work.
08:00Well, what about it?
08:02Times have changed, people have changed, people have become more prosperous, more sophisticated.
08:07More sinful?
08:07Well, yes, perhaps they have, but the whole point is they just do not respond to the old hellfire and brimstone brand of evangelism anymore.
08:17Well, I'm sorry, Colonel, but it's the only brand I know.
08:20Exactly.
08:20That's why the time has come for you to accept a new challenge.
08:25Oh, I see.
08:27You want me to go where I would do the most good?
08:31Yes.
08:34We want you to go into retirement.
08:37Oh, I see.
08:39Well, I mean, I'd never thought about retirement.
08:42Oh, no, Colonel, please.
08:45Oh, I couldn't.
08:46Look, the Salvation Army is my life.
08:48I could never give it up.
08:50Never.
08:50Oh, Captain.
08:52Emily, no one knows better than I how dedicated, how caring, how enthusiastic you've been over the last, what is it, 40 years?
08:5942.
09:0042 years, fighting the good fight, and now the time has come for you to hand in your arms, retire from the battlefield undefeated.
09:11Oh, Colonel, please.
09:12Look, I know I'm a bit on the old-fashioned side, but that doesn't mean I'm past it.
09:17I mean, there must be a place for me somewhere.
09:19I wish to God I knew which.
09:21Look, I wouldn't even mind missionary work.
09:24You know, sailing halfway up the Amazon, building large churches for little pygmies.
09:30Oh, Emily.
09:32Please, Colonel, look, I'll do anything.
09:34I'll go anywhere.
09:35But don't make me hang up my tambourine, please.
09:42A month?
09:43Just four weeks to make good or you'll have to retire.
09:46You'll never do it, Emily.
09:48You don't know the place.
09:49You've never been there.
09:50You don't even know what it looks like.
09:52It's what it is that matters.
09:54So, what is it?
09:56It's the challenge I asked for.
09:58One of the most lustful, sinful, and utterly depraved places in God's little acre.
10:04And I just can't wait to get started.
10:16That's it?
10:18That's it, Alice.
10:20But I thought you said it was a proper Salvation Army Citadel.
10:25It was.
10:26Until the devil went into the property business and opened it as a bingo hall.
10:33But that's all over now.
10:35Instead of number 10, Maggie's Den, it'll be 22, The Lord Wants You.
10:40Fix the cases, Alice.
10:44Yes, Auntie, I mean...
10:46Oh...
10:48look leave the cases in here then what then we'll get stuck in that's what
11:10hey that's quick our first recruit and what brings you here sister
11:22sister hold on
11:33don't like a bit of heavy metal to turn you on
11:40I said why are you here to find God to seek redemption to help us fight the good fight
11:50to play bingo
11:52and if he doesn't hurry up I'm going
11:56who happy harry hansen bingo caller
11:59well we don't play bingo here anymore sister
12:02oh what do you play roulette poker pitcher toss
12:05no a much more interesting game than any of those
12:08like what
12:09the game of life of living of love
12:13the game where you can win the biggest prize of all
12:16eternal joy happiness and peace
12:19amen
12:21amen
12:22this is the salvation army sister and I am captain ridley
12:28so you are I thought you were the commissioner
12:32and we thought you were our first recruit
12:36who me
12:37well why not it's never too late to join the army of the lord now why don't you give us a try
12:44me no sorry it's just not my scene oh there's much more to it than songs and sermons
12:49social evenings outings luncheon clubs mixed
12:55will there be fellas there too well of course
12:58but
12:59right I need a new change of scenery
13:01sorry it's no fun anymore you see
13:04what is it
13:05derby and joan club not since new vicar took over mind you methodist missions not so hot neither
13:12and as for the catholic senior citizens club well there's not a real man among them
13:16you belong to them all why not they say everyone's welcome and where else can you find a fella at my time of life
13:25especially one with a bit of go in him
13:28but now look sister
13:30dorothy
13:31dorothy smith
13:33widded ten years and fed up to the back teeth with it
13:37I know just how you feel dear
13:38now me enough of that
13:39mrs smith
13:42dorothy
13:43this is a salvation army citadel
13:46not a marriage bureau
13:47and if that's your only reason for coming here
13:50make up your mind
13:51how do you mean
13:52well don't you lot say
13:54that if I put my trust in the lord he will provide
13:57well not in so many words but yes
14:00right
14:01I'm prepared to do my bit
14:03are you prepared to do yours
14:05welcome to the core sister
14:09mrs armstrong
14:11is your husband there
14:13I see
14:14well this is captain ridley of the local salvation army corps
14:18and yes I know it was turned into a bingo hall
14:21but it's been turned back again
14:23yes and as I see that your husband was a member
14:26of the original corps here
14:28perhaps you will be kind enough to tell him
14:30that we're back in business again
14:32I see
14:34well why don't I tell him myself
14:36yeah well of course I will
14:38if you will be kind enough to give me his business address
14:40thank you
14:4244A
14:44Wellington Street
14:47Brigthorpe Striparama
14:50and bondage
14:53and bondage
14:53emporium
14:54bondage
14:57well isn't that a
14:58well I thought it was
15:00oh well
15:01thank you mrs armstrong
15:03I don't think I'll bother
15:04oh
15:05but there's no reason why
15:07you shouldn't
15:08oh come now
15:09you can't be working every night
15:11nine until midnight
15:14at your husband's striparama
15:16oh well
15:18in that case
15:19no I haven't seen your performance
15:22mrs armstrong
15:23or your educated python
15:26oh well it is
15:28it's very kind of you to ask me
15:30but I'm afraid
15:31I'm a bit tied up
15:32at the moment
15:33no
15:35no when I say I'm tied up
15:36I don't mean that I'm tied up
15:38yeah well
15:40that's right
15:41yeah well
15:42cheery ho mrs armstrong
15:43and god bless you
15:45and your educated python
15:48what was all that about
15:54well I'm not quite sure
15:55but I'll tell you this
15:56we didn't arrive here
15:58a moment too soon
15:59now who's next
16:01that was it
16:02ah well
16:03we've still got
16:04Dorothy Smith
16:05but for how long
16:06she's only here for the fellas
16:08even so we'll soon
16:09fill up all the empty places
16:11by the end of the month
16:12because that's all the time you've got
16:13but no
16:14now don't worry
16:15look
16:16we'll manage all right
16:17there must be dozens of sinners in Brighthorpe
16:21just waiting to turn their backs on
16:23smoking
16:23drinking
16:24gambling
16:25dozens
16:26not unless a miracle happens
16:29that's an idea
16:30what is
16:31well I wouldn't be working for myself
16:33I'd be working for him
16:35and he's never let me down yet
16:37so if you're listening lord
16:39how about a little help
16:41don't be so familiar
16:43I wasn't being familiar
16:45Alice
16:45just friendly
16:47of course you did
16:48that's how I've always seen him
16:49as a friend
16:50not as some
16:52celestial traffic warden
16:54waiting to stick one on you
16:55so if you're listening lord
16:58I'm not asking for anything
17:00very spectacular
17:00just a little
17:02leg up
17:03over the walls of Jericho
17:04all we need is a sign
17:07to point us in the right direction
17:09so what do you say
17:11oh well
17:18if that's how you feel
17:20I expect he wants time to think about it
17:24no
17:24that's it
17:25he must think about
17:27they'd be usefulness too
17:28let's face it Alice
17:30he should know
17:31oh well
17:32nobody can say we haven't tried
17:34don't upset yourself
17:35out at me
17:36I'm sure everything
17:37will be alright
17:38is this the best
17:39you can do general
17:41I can't go around
17:43like this
17:44I'll be the laughingstock
17:46the laughingstock
17:47don't worry Dorothy
17:49I'll have them
17:49take it in
17:50not much point now
17:52is there
17:52hey
17:54I thought you said
17:56that you cleared
17:56all these drawers out
17:58have I missed one
17:58well if you didn't
18:00I think somebody's
18:01trying to tell us something
18:02like what
18:03like
18:03why would that be opened
18:05at that page
18:06oh I'm sorry lord
18:08I knew you wouldn't let me down
18:10but what is it you want me to do
18:12when I get there
18:12get where
18:13there
18:15a
18:19oh
18:23oh
18:24oh
18:26oh
18:29oh
18:29oh
18:32what
18:36oh
18:40I can't see very well in this life. What's she wearing?
19:01Who? Her. Not a lot. Not a lot? She's in the nudging.
19:07Never. The brazen young hussy. What she watches a good smack bottom.
19:12That'll do, sister. We're all the same underneath. We should be the lucky people.
19:18Fine. Fancy him being in a place like this.
19:22Who? Him over there. It's Mr. Finch, the schoolmaster.
19:26What does he teach? Divinity.
19:31And there's Mr. Plackett, the bank manager. And Councillor Barraclub.
19:37What about it? I can't see what that's got to do with us.
19:39Can't you? I can.
19:44So this is what you had in mind. A bit drastic, isn't it?
19:49All right. You've talked me into it.
19:53Now, where's the man who won't come?
19:54Hey!
19:55How did you get in here?
19:58Mr. Armstrong, I presume.
19:59Well, I'm Captain Ridley.
20:02We are here at the kind invitation of your charming wife.
20:05And a very lovely navy to use, too.
20:08So cheerful.
20:09So, uh, energetic.
20:11So, uh, uninhibited.
20:14Captain Ridley.
20:15Now, this is a private club.
20:17Now, I don't know what you're doing here.
20:18Well, you ought to have a pretty good idea.
20:20Considering you used to play the euphonium in the Sally Am Cadets.
20:24Oh. Oh, I see.
20:26All right, then, flog your war cries, then hop it.
20:29War cries?
20:30We don't want us out war cries.
20:32Then what do you want?
20:33Just a little bit of help for old times' sake.
20:36And the help of all these nice, kind, respectable gentlemen
20:41who may have forgotten to tell their wives where they were going tonight.
20:47Just what are you getting?
20:48I've told you a little bit of help.
20:50I'm not asking much.
20:52It's just...
20:53You've got to be joking.
21:01Oh, no, blind, no foul thing
21:06Shall load his spirit
21:10He knows he at the end
21:15Shall life inherit
21:18When plants is made away
21:23He'll fear not what men say
21:28He'll live a night and day
21:31To be a pilgrim
21:36Good evening, brothers and sisters.
21:39Now, before our next hymn,
21:41I would like to introduce
21:42Lieutenant Colonel Henderson
21:43who has come all the way from headquarters
21:46to see how we are getting on.
21:51Well, what do you think?
21:53I can't believe it.
21:54On earth did you do it?
21:56I didn't.
21:56He did.
21:58If you do hide, I
22:00The Lord works in mysterious ways
22:02His wonders do perform.
22:05Hallelujah!
22:06Hallelujah!
22:06Hallelujah!
22:26BJ justamente has say
22:37He does not say
22:37The Lord works innings
22:37But when
22:38He does not say
22:40Love많
22:40Even
22:41You can just say
22:41Here we go
22:42Whatever I say
22:43If you do hide
22:44I cannot say
22:44For real small
22:46Ieffet
22:47I cannot say
22:47He doesn't know
22:48If you have counted
22:49People
22:49Mais
22:50I am
22:50a
22:51I can't say