Relive all the shocking and brutal jokes from the roast of Justin Bieber, as Roastmaster General Jeff Ross says, the “King Joffrey of pop.”
0:00 Introduction
0:12 PETE DAVIDSON roasts Justin Bieber.
1:27 NATASHA LEGGERO roasts Justin Bieber.
3:03 SHAQUILLE O'NEAL roasts Justin Bieber.
4:25 CHRIS D'ELIA roasts Justin Bieber.
5:02 MARTHA STEWART roasts Justin Bieber.
6:27 JEFF ROSS roasts Justin Bieber.
7:59 SNOOP DOGG roasts Justin Bieber.
8:32 HANNIBAL BURESS roasts Justin Bieber.
10:03 RON BURGUNDY roasts Justin Bieber.
10:45 JUSTIN BIEBER roasts the dais members.
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#RoastOfJustinBieber #JustinBieber #Roast
0:00 Introduction
0:12 PETE DAVIDSON roasts Justin Bieber.
1:27 NATASHA LEGGERO roasts Justin Bieber.
3:03 SHAQUILLE O'NEAL roasts Justin Bieber.
4:25 CHRIS D'ELIA roasts Justin Bieber.
5:02 MARTHA STEWART roasts Justin Bieber.
6:27 JEFF ROSS roasts Justin Bieber.
7:59 SNOOP DOGG roasts Justin Bieber.
8:32 HANNIBAL BURESS roasts Justin Bieber.
10:03 RON BURGUNDY roasts Justin Bieber.
10:45 JUSTIN BIEBER roasts the dais members.
Subscribe to Comedy Central: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCUsN5ZwHx2kILm84-jPDeXw?sub_confirmation=1
Watch more Comedy Central: https://www.youtube.com/comedycentral
Watch the Roast of Justin Bieber: https://apple.co/2lWO9Yf
Follow Comedy Central:
Twitter: https://twitter.com/ComedyCentral
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ComedyCentral/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/comedycentral/
#RoastOfJustinBieber #JustinBieber #Roast
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NoticiasTranscripción
00:00What do you get when you give a teenager 200 million dollars?
00:04A bunch of has-beens calling you a lesbian for two hours.
00:11It's an honor to be at a roast hosted by Shaq's dick.
00:17Wow, Ludacris and Snoop Dogg are here.
00:19If I was 38, I'd be freaking out right now.
00:23You might know Ludacris from your mom's That's What I Call Music CD.
00:30Come on, let's hear it for Shaq.
00:32Thanks for being here and taking a break from throwing barrels at Super Mario.
00:38Please don't eat me.
00:39Shaq has shattered 8 backboards and 79 cervixes.
00:45Snoop's son just got accepted to play Division 1 college football.
00:50So Snoop Dogg found out he has a son.
00:54And now speaking of someone who probably doesn't know he has a son, Justin Bieber is here.
00:58Justin, you know, I lost my dad on 9-11.
01:01And I always regretted growing up without a dad.
01:04Until I met your dad, Justin.
01:07Now I'm glad mine's dead.
01:12And now for the greatest transition in the history of comedy.
01:16Two people from the movie Soul Plane are here.
01:19Soul Plane was the worst experience of my life involving a plane.
01:24There is a lot of star power up here.
01:27These men combined have made millions in child support payments.
01:33Kevin does all of his own stunts.
01:35He climbs into his own chair.
01:37He goes up on his wife.
01:41You know, a lot of people don't know this.
01:42Shaquille is an Arabic name for handsome.
01:45And O'Neal is the Irish word for just kidding.
01:48Shaq's dick is so big, he has to use Dropbox to send a dick pic.
01:57Jeff Ross, it's great to see you here.
01:59Once a year at these roasts.
02:00How's the Uber driving going?
02:05Chris D'Elia finally answers the question,
02:07what if Dane Cook had half the talent and a rich father?
02:11I'm excited Snoop's here.
02:15Snoop, you look like Shaq's skeleton.
02:19All these rappers on stage, and Martha Stewart has done the most jail time.
02:29Justin Bieber, I love you.
02:31I love you.
02:32I love you.
02:33I love you.
02:34I love you.
02:35I love you.
02:36I love you.
02:37I love you.
02:39Justin Bieber, everybody.
02:42Seems like only yesterday you were discovered on YouTube.
02:46Time flies when you're a piece of shit.
02:51Justin, Selena Gomez had to f*** you.
02:54She is literally the least lucky Selena in all of entertainment history.
03:01In case you didn't know, I am Shaquille O'Neal,
03:04Shaq Diesel,
03:05and Martha Stewart's baby daddy.
03:09And trust me, Martha know how to work that motherf*** boy, let me tell you.
03:13Once you go Shaq, you never go back.
03:14Ain't that right, Martha?
03:16But I'm not the only baller here tonight.
03:18What's up, Snoop?
03:21Snoop made a reggae album.
03:22If you're a rap fan, you may not have it.
03:24But if you're a reggae fan, I know you don't f***ing have it.
03:29Look at all these scrubs on the stage.
03:32Chris D'Elia, Hannibal, Natasha, Pete Davidson, Jeff Ross.
03:38I haven't seen a more disappointing lineup since the last Lakers game.
03:43Look at Jeff.
03:44Jeff got a body like a cafeteria lady.
03:50Justin, as a father of six, you gotta straighten up, son.
03:54You know last year you were ranked the fifth most hated person of all time?
03:58Kim Jong-Un didn't even score that low.
04:02And he uses your music to f***ing torture people.
04:06But thanks to that music, Justin is worth over $200 million.
04:11And in prison, four packs of cools.
04:16Justin got a tattoo of Jesus on his calf.
04:18Why you gotta bring Jesus in your mess?
04:21That man has suffered enough.
04:25Baby is the most hated video online, like statistically, if you check that shit out.
04:30And there are also ISIS videos online.
04:34That means that someone saw a video with a guy screaming death to America and sawing someone's head off.
04:38And thought, nope, still not worse than Bieber featuring Luda in a bowling alley.
04:46Thank you, guy half my age.
04:48Seriously, man, I'm proud of you.
04:50You have it all.
04:51You literally are a guy who has it all.
04:53Except for respect, love, friends, good parents, and a Grammy.
04:59I know you're all wondering why I'm here tonight.
05:02It's because Martha Stewart changes people's lives for the better.
05:06I believe the bedroom is the most important room in the house.
05:09But I don't have to tell you that, Ludacris.
05:11You have three kids with three different women.
05:14May I suggest pulling out some time and finishing on some fine, highly absorbent Martha Stewart bed linens?
05:22Let's get to the reason I'm here tonight, which is to give Justin Bieber some tips to use when he inevitably ends up in prison.
05:34The first thing you'll need is a shank.
05:36I made mine out of a pintail comb and a pack of gum.
05:40I found Bubblicious works best, and it's so much fun to say.
05:48You see, when I did my stretch, all the hood rats on my cell block wanted to break off a piece of Martha Stewart's ass.
05:55So I walked into the chow hall, picked out the biggest bull dyke, and I stuck her.
06:02From then on, prison was easier than making blueberry scones.
06:08Shaq, I hope your mom doesn't still hold a grudge.
06:13So, Justin, my final piece of advice is, call me.
06:17Or...
06:21Or not. I'm out of here.
06:24Martha Stewart's here because Paula Deen refused to sit with this many black folk.
06:29Martha, I want to f*** you so bad.
06:33I bet your pubic hair is 50 shades of gray.
06:36Martha went to prison for dumping worthless stock for idiot consumers to buy.
06:40Which reminds me, Ludacris's new album drops tomorrow.
06:44But enough about Ludacris, let's talk about Foodacris, Shaquille O'Neal.
06:48Shaq's dick is so big, he uses it as a selfie stick.
06:53Snoop, you look like a retired WNBA player.
06:58The only person that's inhaled more smoke than Snoop is Pete Davidson's dad inside the World Trade Center.
07:03The only person that's inhaled more smoke than Snoop is Pete Davidson's dad inside the World Trade Center.
07:09Thanks, Pete.
07:11Justin, I feel like the Roast fans really want blood this time.
07:14Even though most of your fans haven't even gotten their periods yet.
07:18But if you can take a joke, then so can the Beliebers watching tonight.
07:21Because face it, Biebs, you've become a cocky little shit.
07:25You are the King Joffrey of pop.
07:29Anyway, Biebs, you have such a huge career behind you.
07:35Because you sat here taking it like a man tonight.
07:38You're probably thinking, none of us know what we're talking about.
07:41Because you're going to fly out of here on a private jet full of cash and models.
07:45And we'll all be trying to finger-bang Martha Stewart at the after-party.
07:48And you know what, Biebs, you're right.
07:50And I know you'll never end up like Kurt Cobain or Amy Winehouse.
07:54Respect it.
07:59I don't need no warm-up. I've been smoking and drinking.
08:01I feel real good about myself.
08:05Justin's life changed when Usher heard one of his songs and liked it.
08:09Which only goes to prove that Usher ain't black.
08:15Now, Justin, most niggas like myself, we go a little crazy when we get famous.
08:20But nigga, you bought a monkey.
08:23I mean, that monkey was more embarrassed than the one that started the AIDS epidemic.
08:30It's amazing to have Kevin Hart and Shaq here.
08:33Is this a roast or is this Tyler Perry's Of Mice and Men?
08:40Shaq's a very unique player in NBA history.
08:43He's the first player in NBA history to have his shoe size, IQ, and jersey all be the same number.
08:51Shaq is a police officer in Florida.
08:54If you want to escape from Shaq, just jog slowly away from him.
09:00And he'll fall eventually.
09:02Snoop is here. Snoop Dogg, Snoop D-O-double-G.
09:05Snoop looks like a cool-ass salamander.
09:07Snoop, the only way you'll get another hit is if you stand behind Suge Knight's car in a parking lot.
09:14Chris, I don't know if you know this about Chris, he doesn't smoke weed, he doesn't drink, he's never done any drugs.
09:18His only vice is performing horrible stand-up comedy.
09:23All around the country.
09:25It's good to see Comedy Central diversifying its talent with whatever race Pete Davidson is.
09:31You just look real vague, man. You have a weird, vague-ass face and I don't like it.
09:37You seem like a nice person, but when I talk to you, I don't have fun.
09:40And now the man of the hour, Justin Bieber.
09:42They say that you roast the ones you love, but I don't like you at all, man.
09:45I don't like you at all, man. I'm just here because this is a real good opportunity for me.
09:50I hate your music, man. I hate your music more than Bill Cosby hates my comedy.
10:01Listen, I don't have a lot of time, alright?
10:05I'm currently over at Stage 24, hosting Spike TV's Your Mother's a Fat Bitch award show.
10:15As far as I'm concerned, this guy is doing it right.
10:20Here's a couple things I know.
10:21October 18th, 2010, Bieber accused of assaulting a 12-year-old at a laser tag arena.
10:27Kaboom!
10:29March 4th, 2013, two hours late to a concert in Dubai because he refused to stop playing a video game.
10:35Say what?!
10:36If anything, not only do you need to continue to live your life with the same reckless abandon,
10:41I suggest you turn up the heat.
10:43Look, I'm new to comedy, but here's a joke, alright?
10:46What do you get when you give a teenager $200 million?
10:50A bunch of has-beens calling you a lesbian for two hours.
11:02Alright, alright, I'm playing.
11:04Kevin is so short he calls Lil Wayne, Wayne.
11:08I love Kevin Hart's career plan.
11:10Do everything Martin Lawrence did, only shittier.
11:14And Martha, thanks for coming.
11:16I know that's probably something you don't do much of anymore.
11:22I'm a huge fan of Chris D'Elia. Chris gets a ton of girls.
11:26You wanna know why?
11:27Because I'm a big fan of Chris D'Elia.
11:33Luda.
11:34Luda and I had a lot of hours making the song Baby together.
11:37In fact, he told me it was the only baby he ever made on purpose.
11:43Snoop Doggy Dogg. What's up, man?
11:45He's way too shy to admit this,
11:47but he was actually the Billboard's Top Male Artist the year I was born.
11:50And look at you now, Snoop.
11:52You're one of the ten dudes at my roast,
11:54sitting right next to Martha Stewart and that Hannibal guy.
11:56How cool is this?
11:58So cool. You made it.
12:02Proud of you, man. Proud of you.
12:08Thank you so much and good night.