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00:00I'm gonna take him down!
00:02He's got you, Sheldon.
00:04Come on!
00:06Hey, guys, guys. Some of the other waitresses
00:08wanted me to ask you something.
00:10It's called trestling. It combines the physical strength
00:12of arm wrestling with the mental agility of
00:14Tetris into the ultimate sport.
00:16Yeah, that's terrific, but what they wanted me
00:18to ask you is to cut it the hell out.
00:20Alright, come on, guys. Come on.
00:22Happy birthday
00:24to you.
00:26We might as well stop. It's a stalemate.
00:28You're beating me in Tetris, but you've got
00:30the upper body strength of a Keebler elf.
00:32Keebler elf?
00:34I go to a Keebler elf right here.
00:40Okay, it's a stalemate.
00:42Excuse me. Do you know anything about this stuff?
00:44I know everything about this stuff.
00:46Okay.
00:48I have my own wholesale flower business,
00:50and I want to hook up my computer in the front entrance
00:52with the one in my refrigerated warehouse.
00:54Here, buy this one. Look, it's the one we're getting.
00:56I'm a happy guy. No, no, no, no.
00:58She doesn't want that. She needs a point-to-point
01:00peer network with a range extender.
01:04Which hard drive do I want?
01:06Firewire or USB?
01:08It depends on what bus you have available.
01:14I drive a Chevy Cavalier.
01:18Oh, dear Lord.
01:20Sheldon, we have to go. Not now, Penny. This poor man needs me.
01:22You hold on. I'll be right with you.
01:24What computer do you have?
01:26And please don't say a white one.
01:30Okay, we don't have that in stock.
01:34But I can special order it for you.
01:36Him.
01:38Excuse me, sir.
01:40You don't work here.
01:42Yes, well, apparently neither does anyone else.
01:46Sheldon, we have to go. Why?
01:48Well, for one thing, we're late for Leonard's birthday party,
01:50and for another, I told him to call security.
01:54Good luck.
01:58By the way, a six-year-old could hack your computer system.
02:00Keep walking.
02:02One, two, three, four is not a secure password.
02:04Are the rest of the guys meeting us here?
02:06Oh, yeah. No.
02:08It turns out that Raj and Howard had to work,
02:10and Sheldon
02:12had a colonoscopy,
02:14and he hasn't quite bounced back yet.
02:18My uncle just had a colonoscopy.
02:20You're kidding.
02:22We both have in common.
02:24How?
02:26We both have people in our lives
02:28who want to nip
02:30intestinal polyps in the butt.
02:38So, what's new in the world of physics?
02:40Nothing.
02:44Really? Nothing?
02:46Well, with the exception of string theory,
02:48not much has happened since the 1930s,
02:50and you can't prove string theory.
02:52At best, you can say,
02:54hey, look, my idea has
02:56an internal logical consistency.
03:02Hey, do you want to see something cool?
03:06I can make this olive go into this glass
03:08without touching it.
03:10How?
03:12Physics.
03:14Wow.
03:16Centrifugal force.
03:18Actually, it's centripetal force,
03:20which is an inward force
03:22generated by the glass acting on the olive.
03:24Excuse me.
03:26Now, if you were
03:28biting on the olive,
03:30you'd be in a non-inertial reference frame
03:32and would...
03:34Are you okay?
03:36Yeah, I'm okay.
03:38Did you spill ketchup?
03:40No.
03:42Did you spill ketchup?
03:44No.
03:46I'm not okay.
03:48All right.
03:50I'm moving my infantry division,
03:52augmented by a battalion of orcs
03:54from Lord of the Rings.
03:56We flank the Tennessee Volunteers,
03:58and the North once again
04:00wins the Battle of Gettysburg.
04:02Not so fast.
04:04Remember, the South still has
04:06two infantry divisions,
04:08plus Superman and Godzilla.
04:10Why don't you just have Robert E. Lee
04:12charge the line with Shiva and Ganesh?
04:14Are you guys ready to order?
04:16Hang on, honey.
04:18Shiva and Ganesh?
04:20The Hindu gods against the entire Union army?
04:22And orcs.
04:24I'll be back.
04:26Excuse me.
04:28Ganesh is the remover of obstacles,
04:30and Shiva's the destroyer.
04:32When the smoke clears,
04:34Abraham Lincoln will be speaking Hindi
04:36and drinking mint juleps.
04:38Hey, Leslie.
04:40Careful, Leonard.
04:42Liquid nitrogen, 320 degrees below zero.
04:44Burn.
04:52Why are you smashing
04:54a flash-frozen banana?
04:56Because I got a bowl of Cheerios,
04:58and I couldn't find a knife.
05:00So anyway...
05:02Hello.
05:05Uh, what are you doing?
05:07Just extending the intimacy.
05:09Hey, do you want to slip over
05:11to the radiation lab
05:13and share a decontamination shower?
05:18Okay, uh, what exactly
05:20do you think's going on between us?
05:22I'm not sure,
05:24but I think I'm about to discover
05:26how the banana felt.
05:31Listen, Leonard, neither of us
05:33are neuroscientists, but we both
05:35understand the biochemistry of sex.
05:37I mean, dopamine in our brains
05:39is released across synapses causing pleasure.
05:41You stick electrodes in a rat's brain,
05:43give him an orgasm button,
05:45he'll push that thing
05:47until he starves to death.
05:49Who wouldn't?
05:51The only difference between us and the rat
05:53is that you can't stick an electrode
05:55in our hypothalamus.
05:57That's where you come in.
05:59Yeah, well, I'm just glad
06:01you're here. What happens now?
06:03Well, I don't know about your sex drive,
06:05but I'm probably good till New Year's.
06:07Oh.
06:09Okay.
06:17You want to make plans for New Year's?
06:19Whoa, Leonard, please, you're smothering me.
06:21Where's Christine?
06:23In the shower.
06:25Oh, by the way, where did you get that loofah mitt?
06:27Yours reaches places that mine just won't.
06:31You used my loofah?
06:33More precisely,
06:35we used your loofah.
06:37I exfoliated her brains out.
06:41You can keep that, too.
06:43Ah, well, then
06:45we'll probably need to talk about
06:47your stuffed bear collection.
06:49Howard?
06:51In here, m'lady.
06:53Mm.
06:55There's my little engine that could.
06:57Chicka-chicka-chicka-chicka-chicka.
06:59Mm.
07:01Oh, there's one beloved children's book
07:03I'll never read again.
07:05This is Lalita Gupta. Lalita, this is Leonard
07:07and Sheldon and Howard and Penny.
07:09Isn't it great? She isn't fat anymore.
07:11Forgive me,
07:13Your Highness, for I am but a monkey
07:15and it is in my nature to climb.
07:17I did not mean to gaze upon you as you comb your hair.
07:21I'm sorry?
07:23You are the living embodiment of the beautiful
07:25Princess Panchali.
07:27No kidding.
07:29Who is that?
07:31A beloved character from an Indian folktale.
07:33Oh.
07:35Us Indian or come-to-our-casino Indian?
07:39You Indian.
07:41Oh.
07:43The resemblance is remarkable.
07:45I can practically smell the lotus blossoms
07:47woven into your ebony hair.
07:49Well, thanks.
07:51I imagine you smell very nice, too.
07:53I shower twice a day and wash my hands
07:55Really?
07:57So do I.
07:59But you're a dentist. He's nuts.
08:01Don't be insulting, Rajesh.
08:03So, Sheldon,
08:05tell me more about this princess
08:07you say I look like.
08:09It was said that the gods fashioned
08:11her eyes out of the stars
08:13and that roses were ashamed to bloom
08:15in the presence of her ruby lips.
08:17Oh, my.
08:19Back off, Sheldon.
08:21What?
08:23To the extent of my wrath.
08:25I'm not hitting on her.
08:27And I am not your lady.
08:29And you have no wrath.
08:33You are my lady. Our parents said so.
08:35We are, for all intents and purposes,
08:37100% hooked up.
08:39Okay, let's get something straight here.
08:41The only reason I came tonight
08:43was to get my parents off my case.
08:45I certainly don't need to be getting
08:47this old-world crap from you.
08:49That's exactly the kind of spirit
08:51you are, Princess Panchali.
08:53Hey, you can't talk to me like that.
08:55But you're not Princess Panchali.
08:57Luckily for you, she could have you beheaded.
08:59Sheldon, are you hungry?
09:01I could eat.
09:03Let's go.
09:05I'm uncomfortable
09:07having been included in your lie to Penny.
09:09What was I supposed to say?
09:11You could have told her the truth.
09:13That would have hurt her feelings.
09:15Is that a relevant factor?
09:17Yes.
09:19I suppose you could have agreed to go.
09:21And what would I have said afterwards?
09:23I would suggest something to the effect of
09:25singing is neither an appropriate
09:27vocation nor avocation for you.
09:29And if you disagree, I'd recommend
09:31you have a CAT scan to look for a tumor
09:33pressing on the cognitive processing centers of your brain.
09:37I couldn't say that.
09:39I would have to say,
09:41you were terrific, and I can't wait to hear you sing again.
09:43Why?
09:45It's the social protocol.
09:47It's what you do when you have a friend
09:49who's proud of something they really suck at.
09:53I was not aware of that.
09:55Well, now you are.
09:57All right. Leonard?
09:59When we played chess earlier,
10:01you were terrific, and I can't wait to play you again.
10:03Good night.
10:09This is amazing.
10:11Just sitting on a couch,
10:13watching TV with a woman,
10:15not being drunk,
10:17or high, or wondering
10:19if you're a dude down there.
10:23Leo, you are a very sweet,
10:25really funny guy.
10:27You're gonna do okay.
10:29One day at a time, Penny.
10:35One day at a time.
10:41How long is he going to stay here?
10:43He's a homeless drug addict, Leonard.
10:45Where is he going to go?
10:47Boy, you have a lot to learn about lying.
10:51Okay, so we now have a socially awkward genius
10:53in a room full of attractive, age-appropriate women.
10:55All he has to do now is hook up with one of them.
11:05Anyone else see the flaw in this plan?
11:09Okay, we cannot leave this to chance.
11:11Let's pick a girl and figure out
11:13how to get her together with Dennis.
11:15Okay.
11:17How about that one?
11:19Uh-uh. I know the type.
11:21Cheerleader, student council, goes out with the jocks,
11:23won't even look at anybody in the gifted program.
11:25And if, after two years of begging,
11:27she does agree to go out with you, it turns out to be a set-up,
11:29and you're in the back seat of your mom's car with your pants off
11:31while the whole football team laughs at you.
11:35Are you crying?
11:37No, I have allergies.
11:39Okay.
11:41Oh, hey, how about her?
11:43Sure.
11:45She wants to spend a couple years doing her homework
11:47while she drinks herself into a stupor
11:49with non-fat white Russians.
11:51You're the one holding her head out of the toilet
11:53while she's puking and telling you she wishes more guys were like you.
11:55And then she gets into Cornell
11:57because you wrote her essay for her
11:59and you drive up to visit her one weekend
12:01and she acts like she doesn't even know you.
12:05Okay, so not her either.
12:07Could I have everyone's attention, please?
12:09What a wonderful occasion this is.
12:13And how fortunate that it should happen to fall
12:15on Take Your Daughter to Work Day.
12:17We're here to welcome
12:19Mr. Dennis Kim
12:21to our little family.
12:23Welcome, Dennis Kim.
12:25Mr. Kim was not only
12:27the valedictorian at Stanford University,
12:29he is also
12:31the youngest recipient
12:33of the prestigious Stevenson Award.
12:35And now, without any further ado,
12:37let me introduce the man of the hour,
12:39Mr. Dennis Kim.
12:43Dennis?
12:45Dennis!
12:47What?
12:49Would you like to tell us a little bit
12:51about your upcoming research?
12:53No, thanks.
12:55I'm going to the mall with Emma.
12:57Yeah, uh...
12:59Yeah, uh...
13:01The kid got back to school
13:03and...
13:05The kid got a girl.
13:07Unbelievable.
13:09Did anyone see how he did it?
13:11Unbelievable.
13:13Components I built are on the
13:15International Space Station, and I get a ticket
13:17for launching a model rocket in the park.
13:19I don't know if the ticket was so much for the launch
13:21as it was for you telling the policewoman
13:23you have to frisk me, I have another rocket
13:25in my pants.
13:27Hey, look at that.
13:29It's Dennis Kim.
13:31Wow.
13:33I almost didn't recognize him.
13:35You know, I kind of feel bad about what we did to him.
13:41Yeah, we really ruined his life.
13:45Screw him. He was weak.
14:01Okay.
14:31Okay.
15:01Amy?
15:11Amy?
15:13Yeah?
15:15There's something out here.
15:17Just trap it
15:19under a cup and I'll be there in a minute.
15:23I'll try, but it's Leonard.
15:25Honey, I know it all feels overwhelming
15:27right now, but I promise you, things will settle down.
15:29There's no Earl Grey, you filthy liar!
15:35Hey, is Penny here?
15:37No, why?
15:39I wanted to show her my latest creation.
15:41I give you
15:43Dr. Amy Farrah Fowler.
15:51Wow, Amy, you look amazing.
15:55Sheldon, what do you think?
15:59I like you better
16:01the way you were.
16:03But she looks beautiful.
16:05Classic lines,
16:07colors that compliment her skin tone,
16:09and hair that goes from office
16:11to on the town in minutes.
16:15I don't care.
16:17Put it back.
16:19I like the way I look.
16:21Well, I don't.
16:23My fault.
16:25I was out of Earl Grey.
16:27Come to a giant metal door.
16:29I check the door
16:31for traps.
16:33There are no traps.
16:35I use my wizard eye to see what's on the other
16:37side of the door.
16:39Hey, that's sort of like how you used a doorbell camera
16:41to spy on your fiancé.
16:45It's nothing like that.
16:47Your wizard eye reveals a monster.
16:49Is it alone and unloved?
16:51I guess.
16:53I open the door and say,
16:55Why don't you just call her?
16:57I'm sure you guys can work this out.
16:59I don't want to talk about it. Let's just play.
17:01Okay, the Cyclops tells you that the enchantress you seek
17:03is staying at the Inn of the Dwarven Lords.
17:05Really? An inn?
17:07All I knew was a concierge at a hotel.
17:09That's a little insensitive, don't you think?
17:11I hadn't noticed that
17:13before you mentioned it.
17:15Well, now that I've mentioned it, how do you feel?
17:17Bad. Shame on you.
17:19So, Marissa, how did you guys meet?
17:21Oh, it's a pretty funny story.
17:23We met in a bookstore.
17:29That is funny.
17:31Yeah, I was just there using the bathroom,
17:33but this one had a stack of books
17:35like this tall.
17:37Oh, I see you really like to read.
17:39Oh, no. I work there.
17:41Yeah, she is super smart.
17:43Seriously, you name, like,
17:45any book, she'll tell you if she's heard of it.
17:47Go on. Try her.
17:49Oh, uh, catch her on the ride.
17:51Nope.
17:53Look at that, Penny.
17:55I guess we both like nerds.
17:57So, uh,
17:59you gonna take this thing out?
18:01Nah, it's a little choppy
18:03tonight. Yeah, that's okay.
18:05It's just nice sitting under the stars.
18:07It's actually kind of peaceful.
18:09Well, it's a beautiful boat.
18:11Thanks, man. We love it.
18:13Although he's so tall, he bangs his head
18:15almost every time he goes downstairs.
18:17After the first couple, you don't even feel it.
18:19Where are our manners?
18:21Zack, let's get our guest something to drink.
18:23You got it, babe.
18:25I can't believe that guy's rich.
18:27Watch your head. That was a close one.
18:31Are you jealous?
18:33I know, I know. I shouldn't be. He's super sweet.
18:35I should be happy for them.
18:37It's driving me crazy, too. Really?
18:39Yes, I was trying to pretend like it wasn't
18:41so you wouldn't think I was petty.
18:43Turns out we're both petty.
18:45I love you so much.
18:47It's freezing out here.
18:49Do you like me to
18:51heat things up?
18:53No, I want to get in the hot tub before I lose a toe.
18:57Oh, that is bright.
18:59Yeah, a new neighbor put in floodlights.
19:01So, shall we?
19:05No, I don't want to take my robe off
19:07under a spotlight.
19:09This is a candle body.
19:11Howdy, neighbors.
19:13We haven't met yet. I'm Andy.
19:15Hello, nice to meet you.
19:17Your new balcony kind of looks
19:19right over our fence.
19:21You might want to put up some trees. We can see everything.
19:25You can, but it's okay if you don't.
19:29So, can you turn your lights off?
19:31Sorry, they're motion censored.
19:33They'll go off in a minute.
19:35Just try to stay still.
19:37What are we going to do about this?
19:39I say we wait
19:41until his lights go off
19:43and make hot, motionless love to you.
19:49Don't move.
19:51It's go time.
19:53Hello.
19:55I'm Dr. Sheldon Cooper.
19:57And I'm Dr. Amy Farrah Fowler.
19:59And this is Dr. Sheldon Cooper
20:01and Dr. Amy Farrah Fowler present
20:03Dr. Sheldon Cooper's Fun with Flags.
20:07I'd like to start this episode
20:09by apologizing on behalf of Dr. Fowler
20:11who claimed last week that there was no national
20:13tri-colored flag with a purple stripe
20:15when, in fact, the Estonian governor
20:17inside the Russian Empire had a purple stripe
20:19on their flag from 1721 to 1917.
20:25See? Right there in the middle.
20:29And I'd like to apologize
20:31on behalf of Dr. Cooper
20:33for having his zipper down for the entire segment
20:35on the flags of East Africa.
20:37Sorry, Tanzania.
20:39Tanzania, you deserve better.
20:41Okay, that's my dad. Now remember,
20:43do not bring up any baby stuff, right?
20:45Not me not wanting one, not you having one with Zach.
20:47Got it.
20:49And if he brings it up, change the subject to literally anything else.
20:51I got it.
20:53But not the Cornhuskers. Do not discuss the Cornhuskers.
20:55Is that a sports team?
20:57Never mind. You're good.
20:59Daddy!
21:01Hi.
21:03Hey, Wyatt.
21:05Leonard.
21:07Oh, well, I've been taking vitamins.
21:11Dad, come on in. Sit down.
21:13Can I get you something to drink? Maybe a beer?
21:15Sure, if you're having one.
21:17Why wouldn't you, since you're not pregnant?
21:21Um...
21:23Leonard wants to have a baby with my ex-boyfriend, Zach.
21:31How about those Cornhuskers?
21:33Amy is the one constant I can count on,
21:35and now she's changing.
21:37It's just a haircut and some clothes.
21:39No, it's the last straw.
21:41I can't take any more.
21:51Can you believe it? They finally fixed the elevator.
21:57This is a nightmare.
21:59What's with him?
22:01The Nobel Prize and his wife looks amazing.
22:03Oh, yeah, got it.
22:25How did you get down here?
22:27The elevator. It's really fast.
22:29I need to be alone right now.
22:31Don't try to follow me.
22:33All right, you need a ride?
22:35That'd be great, thank you.
22:37Zach wanted you to donate your genetic material for his baby.
22:39Yeah, so I'd be helping out a couple
22:41who really want a baby,
22:43and they were going to pay us,
22:45and Penny freaked out about it.
22:47That doesn't make any sense.
22:49They wanted you?
22:51Yes, Sheldon, they wanted me.
22:53I'm smart, I'm nice.
22:55I'm smart, I'm nice,
22:57and they wanted me out of room.
22:59Are you upset he didn't ask you?
23:01Of course not.
23:03I just think it's interesting that of all the people he knows,
23:05he thinks you're the best choice.
23:07Well, he does.
23:09I don't see why Penny is so against this.
23:11Well, perhaps Penny's worried
23:13that you haven't considered the emotional toll
23:15of knowing there's a child out there
23:17who is biologically yours, but not actually yours.
23:21Wow, that's really insightful.
23:23Yeah, and I'm taller than you,
23:25Asthma people are crazy. Where's Raj? Oh, he's working with Burt
23:29They're probably cutting their stupid meteorite open with her stupid diamond. So
23:34You okay? Yeah, I'm just a little rundown. It might be a head cold
23:42Purell
23:45Purell Purell Purell
23:49I
23:53Can't top anybody off
23:58Why don't you go to bed I'll run out get you some medicine
24:00It's okay. Stewart gave me some when I was at the comic book store. Really? You're taking medicine from Stewart
24:07Doesn't he need like all of it
24:10He's got plenty his pill caddy is like this big
24:15Alright, well, why don't you go to bed? I'll sleep out here on the couch. No. No, no, you take the bed
24:19I'll stay out here even better sweet dreams not bag
24:26Go away Raj
24:32What are you doing I'm winning you back love actually style I
24:43Don't know what that means
24:44Really you've never seen love actually if you want to watch it right now, I'll just wait I
24:52Have nothing to say to you look we both made mistakes
24:56I am so sorry that I spied on you. I didn't mean to but I know it's not okay
25:03Now do you want to apologize to me
25:07You also said you don't trust me and that you barely know me I
25:11Really thought this would be more of a back-and-forth thing
25:14Believe they're gonna cut that with this punk-ass diamond saw
25:17Oh
25:37Leonard what are you doing showing you that this is the better way stop whatever's inside there is dangerous
25:47Oh
25:49And pretty
25:54What is that ah
25:57Are you okay? Ah
26:00Yeah, I'm fine. Just feeling a little
26:09Hungry
26:17Keep eating
26:22Leonard Leonard what you're having a bad dream. Oh, thank God. I was eating my friends
26:29Well one friend and one acquaintance that you know, what where it's okay to friends
26:34Let me see if you're running a fever. Yeah. Oh, yeah, you're burning up
26:39Oh
26:46Are you okay? Well, it depends what color are my eyes? I don't know brown. No green. No, wait brown. Oh
26:55Good I'm awake