Stocks tumbled again on Tuesday as President Trump's trade war grinds on, Tesla shares are down 50% as investors dump the stock and Tesla owners rush to sell their vehicles, and the man in charge of America's health is downplaying the West Texas measles outbreak.
#Colbert #Comedy #Monologue #Tesla #Trump #Musk #PresidentTrump #ElonMusk #StockMarket #RFKJr #Measles #StephenColbert #TheLateShow
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Stephen Colbert brings his signature satire and comedy to THE LATE SHOW with STEPHEN COLBERT, the #1 show in late night, where he talks with an eclectic mix of guests about what is new and relevant in the worlds of politics, entertainment, business, music, technology and more. Featuring bandleader Louis Cato and “THE LATE SHOW band,” the Peabody Award-winning and Emmy Award-nominated show is broadcast from the historic Ed Sullivan Theater. Stephen Colbert took over as host, executive producer and writer of THE LATE SHOW on Sept. 8, 2015.
#Colbert #Comedy #Monologue #Tesla #Trump #Musk #PresidentTrump #ElonMusk #StockMarket #RFKJr #Measles #StephenColbert #TheLateShow
Subscribe To "The Late Show" Channel: http://bit.ly/ColbertYouTube
Watch full episodes of "The Late Show": http://bit.ly/1Puei40
Listen to "The Late Show Pod Show" podcast: https://link.chtbl.com/Awagtx95?sid=yt
Like "The Late Show" on Facebook: http://on.fb.me/1df139Y
Follow "The Late Show" on X: http://bit.ly/1dMzZzG
Follow "The Late Show" on Instagram: http://bit.ly/29wfREj
Watch The Late Show with Stephen Colbert weeknights at 11:35 PM ET/10:35 PM CT. Only on CBS.
---
Stephen Colbert brings his signature satire and comedy to THE LATE SHOW with STEPHEN COLBERT, the #1 show in late night, where he talks with an eclectic mix of guests about what is new and relevant in the worlds of politics, entertainment, business, music, technology and more. Featuring bandleader Louis Cato and “THE LATE SHOW band,” the Peabody Award-winning and Emmy Award-nominated show is broadcast from the historic Ed Sullivan Theater. Stephen Colbert took over as host, executive producer and writer of THE LATE SHOW on Sept. 8, 2015.
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FunTranscript
00:00Welcome, one and all, in here, out there,
00:02all around the world to The Late Show.
00:04I'm your host, Stephen Colbert.
00:05Folks, I know.
00:06Woo!
00:09I know things seem like they're spinning out
00:11of control right now.
00:13But I want to reassure you that everything is going to be OK.
00:17I want to, but I can't.
00:21Because I'm not that good of a liar, all right?
00:24By the way, great haircut.
00:26Sometimes bangs are too long.
00:29Yesterday, the Dow slipped on Trump's tariffs
00:32and fell down an elevator shaft.
00:33And today, it kept bonking its head on the way down,
00:37plunging more than 400 points.
00:40In the last three weeks in total,
00:41the stock market has lost $4 trillion in value.
00:46And experts now say the risk of a recession is 40%.
00:50And you can tell that even Fox News is taking that seriously,
00:54because they're already lying about it.
00:56It would be Biden's recession.
00:59Oh, Maria.
01:01Maria, Maria.
01:03That excuse is getting harder and harder to make.
01:06You going in the bathroom?
01:07You may want to give it a minute.
01:08Joe Biden was in there about eight weeks ago.
01:10Woo!
01:13And the Dow, the Dow may not bounce back anytime soon,
01:17because Trump's trade war with Canada keeps getting worse.
01:21Here's one of the problems.
01:2285% of the electricity we import into the United States
01:25comes from Canada.
01:26And last night, in response to Trump's tariff threats,
01:29Ontario announced a 25% tax increase on electricity
01:33exports to the US.
01:35And that's a shame, because Canadian electricity
01:38is clean energy.
01:40It's powered by pure, natural beaver in a big wheel.
01:46Obviously, that's made up, obviously.
01:51Sometimes it's a moose.
01:52Obviously, Trump is not pleased with this.
01:55So this morning, he posted this message,
01:58based on Ontario, Canada, placing a 25% tariff
02:03on electricity coming into the United States.
02:07I'm going to stop you right there, OK?
02:10Why did he put quotes around electricity?
02:15They are taxing.
02:16No, folks, they're taxing the electricity
02:20that powers my phone that I use to talk to my beloved family.
02:29So now, he's threatening to take Canadian tariffs
02:32to 50% in response.
02:34And all this economic chaos has got to be a shock
02:36to MAGA voters, because during the whole campaign,
02:39every rally, Trump made this promise.
02:42Starting on day one, we will end inflation
02:45and make America affordable again.
02:47Yes, day one.
02:49Make America affordable again, or meh.
02:55And soon, and soon, that is the sound
02:58you'll make when you open your electric bill, meh.
03:06So now, the White House is scrambling
03:09to convince the American people the bad economic news is
03:12actually just part of the plan.
03:13One White House aide said, it's hard to rip the Band-Aid off
03:17without getting some blood everywhere.
03:21You know things are on the right track
03:23when your explanation involves the phrase, blood everywhere.
03:28And I'm no doctor, and not to quibble,
03:32but if there's blood shooting out,
03:35maybe it's not time to rip the Band-Aid off.
03:37Maybe it's time to put on a second Band-Aid.
03:40Or, call me crazy, or maybe bring in somebody
03:49who knows how to fix the old blood hole,
03:51instead of trusting the guy with a hat that says,
03:53make America blood everywhere.
03:57Well, there is a silver lining on the implosion
04:00of the world economy.
04:01It's bad for Elon Musk, too.
04:03Yesterday, there you go.
04:08That is not great for sales.
04:11Wow.
04:16Yesterday, yesterday alone, Musk lost more than $16 billion.
04:27Wow, wow.
04:33To put that in perspective, that's
04:35more than some people make in a year.
04:41For the losses yesterday, Musk blamed activists
04:45and Ukrainian hackers, then shrugged it all off
04:48with a Monty Python reference saying,
04:50always look on the bright side of life.
04:54Good one, Heinrich Giggler.
04:56I will respond with a Monty Python quote of my own.
05:01I fart in your gender direction.
05:11Your mother was a hamster?
05:13Here's the thing.
05:15This downturn didn't start just yesterday,
05:17because Tesla stock has plummeted 50% since December.
05:24And there's a good reason for that.
05:26It's a phenomenon economists call,
05:28everybody hates that guy.
05:31So they've turned on Elon so much
05:37that people have begun protesting Tesla owners.
05:40As one of them, who later sold her car,
05:43explained, two weeks ago, I was called a Nazi
05:47in the parking lot at Kroger.
05:48I came home and told my husband, that's it.
05:50I'm done.
05:52Look, you should never call someone
05:54a Nazi in the parking lot at Kroger,
05:57unless they don't put their shopping cart back
05:59in the cart corral, OK?
06:01You're just going to leave it right there
06:03in an otherwise perfect parking spot?
06:05Why don't you just invade Poland, Barb?
06:10CNN, remember them?
06:12CNN found one Tesla owner whose grubby Cybertruck
06:16has been a magnet for graffiti.
06:18Stephen Minnick, who's owned his Cybertruck since last April,
06:21caught this on camera.
06:23People came up and used their finger
06:25and drew male fallacies all over.
06:30Yes.
06:32It was covered in male fallacies.
06:36Things like, people want to hear me play guitar at parties,
06:39and women love my reservoir dogs poster.
06:43Male fallacies.
06:45Yeah, he might have meant fallacies.
06:46He might have, I don't know.
06:46He might have meant fallacies.
06:48To protect themselves, some Tesla owners
06:50are rebranding their cars, outfitting them
06:52with logos from cooler cars, like this Tesla Model 3
06:55with an Audi A5 badge on it.
06:58This kind of brand thing used to be
07:00something people used to do to make their crappy cars look
07:02more expensive.
07:03It's why in the early 2000s, nobody
07:05could tell that I didn't drive a Lamborghini.
07:09There's also been a huge surge in bumper stickers
07:12that say things like, I bought this before Elon went crazy.
07:17And the slightly less popular, I bought this
07:19after Elon went crazy, but in my defense,
07:22I don't really follow the news.
07:23Anybody want to go see a Diddy concert?
07:28Kanye is going to be there.
07:36So Elon is hurting, but Trump's got his back.
07:39The president posted this morning
07:41that the left has conspired to illegally and collusively
07:47boycott Tesla.
07:49How do you illegally boycott something?
07:53Buying things, buying, I don't, I got something.
08:00Buying things is optional.
08:02That's why when you walk into a West Elm,
08:04they don't lock the door and say, you want out?
08:09Then buy a fat candle with three wicks in it.
08:12Or five rattan balls in a wicker basket
08:15designed to give you splinters.
08:16You want to know how to clean it?
08:18Can't. $80 or I'm calling the cops.
08:22Trump personally fought the Tesla boycott today.
08:25He had them line up five Teslas in the White House driveway
08:28so Trump and Elon could shoot a car commercial
08:31on government property.
08:35Wow.
08:38Thank goodness, I was there.
08:39That's beautiful.
08:41This is a different panel than I've ever,
08:43everything's computer.
08:44You're right, Mr. President.
08:48Everything is computer, which is also the name
08:51of the Russian knockoff of the Matrix.
08:55In the end, Trump purchased a Tesla Model S,
08:58but there's a catch.
08:59I'm going to buy one. Now, here's the bad news.
09:01I'm not allowed to drive because I haven't driven a car
09:04in a long time and I love to drive cars,
09:07but I'm going to have it at the White House
09:09and I'm going to let my staff use it.
09:10I'm going to let people at the place use it.
09:13Yes.
09:15I just hope he warns the people at the place
09:17that everything is computer.
09:22Of course, all of this, all of this was to shore up
09:24Elon's fading brand and Trump almost got the name right.
09:29I love Tesla.
09:37All of that.
09:38All of that.
09:41And the end, he went, I love Tesla.
09:45But you know what? It's an honest mistake.
09:46He just mixed up the two words most associated
09:49with Elon Musk, Tesla and Hitler.
09:53While Musk...
10:00While Musk has been a great disappointment,
10:02Trump is surrounded by some qualified, experienced advisors
10:05like Health and Human Services Secretary
10:09and Talking Hamsteak, RFK Jr.
10:12RFK Jr. gave an interview to address
10:14the growing measles outbreak
10:16that started in West Texas
10:17and has so far infected over 200 people in 15 states.
10:21And he really laid on the stupid thick
10:24by linking the outbreak to poor diet.
10:27You can't get measles by eating garbage 24 hours a day.
10:32You know how I know that?
10:33I don't have measles.
10:36To be clear, the reason people get measles
10:38is because they catch it from other people who have measles.
10:40The virus is so contagious that if one person has it,
10:44up to nine out of 10 people nearby will become infected.
10:48So really it's not measles, it's weasels.
10:54But RFK Jr. claimed that the current outbreak
10:56has been made worse by malnutrition,
10:59saying West Texas is kind of a food desert.
11:02Maybe so, but that's not causing the measles.
11:05Those are two separate issues.
11:07Honey, I know I cheated on you, but you have to understand.
11:11West Texas is a food desert.
11:15By the way, we actually do have something,
11:19science provides something proven to stop measles.
11:21It's a vaccine.
11:23But in his interview,
11:30but in his interview, RFK Jr. described vaccination
11:33as a personal choice.
11:34Yes, public health is every man for himself.
11:38That's why those signs on the highway say,
11:40don't drink and drive unless it's your birthday week.
11:43Go off, Queen.
11:45We've got a great show for you tonight.
11:47My guests are Dave DeLane
11:49and New York Times journalist Ezra Klein.
11:52But when we come back,
11:54what's going on in the rest of the world?