Trump announced an additional 25% tariff on all Canadian steel coming into the United States, keeps doubling down on wanting to make Canada our 51st state, the stock market was down again today, Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt claims it’s because we are in a period of transition, the MAGA media is bending over backwards to try and spin the fact that Trump is crashing the economy, Lara Trump provides some “historical perspective,” Elon Musk is having a heck of a week as Tesla stock had it’s biggest drop in five years, Trump announced that he will be buying a Tesla and did a big commercial for them today absolutely free outside of the White House, his quest continues to buy Greenland, and we head out onto the street to see what people think of the viral $19 strawberry that is actually just a regular one we bought at Ralph’s market.
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About Jimmy Kimmel Live:
Jimmy Kimmel serves as host and executive producer of Emmy® nominated “Jimmy Kimmel Live,” ABC’s late-night talk show. “Jimmy Kimmel Live” is well known for its viral video successes, with over 16 billion views and more than 19 million subscribers on the show’s YouTube channel. Some of Kimmel’s most popular comedy bits include Celebrities Read Mean Tweets, Lie Witness News, Halloween Candy YouTube Challenge, Jimmy and Cousin Sal pranking Aunt Chippy and music stars like Rihanna and Dua Lipa surprising Jimmy in the middle of the night.
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NewsTranskript
00:00Jimmy, I'm Chris from the New York Times, thanks for watching, thank you for coming, it's great to have you here, welcome to another episode of how the hell do we make this funny.
00:09I was wondering, I wonder if they had a comedian on the Titanic. Do you know Guillermo?
00:16No, I didn't know him.
00:18It's been seven weeks since Donald Trump took office and so far it has been much worse than I think anyone thought it would be.
00:25We're friends with Russia now, we're dumping the Department of Education, we're forcing ourselves on Canada.
00:31The tariff of Nottingham is on quite a tear.
00:34Today Trump announced an additional 25% tariff on all Canadian steel coming into the United States.
00:41There he goes again trying to stop the steel.
00:44President Zambone had posted about our friends up north, they will pay a financial price for this, so big it will be read about in history books for many years to come.
00:54The only thing that makes sense is for Canada to become our cherished 51st state.
00:59This would make all tariffs and everything else totally disappear.
01:03We will have the safest and most beautiful nation anywhere in the world and your brilliant anthem O Canada will continue to play,
01:09but now representing a great and powerful state within the greatest nation that the world has ever seen.
01:15He's moving on Canada like a bitch and no one's stopping him.
01:19This is how Jafar from Aladdin tried to mate with Princess Jasmine.
01:24Jafar-a-Lago here.
01:26I fully believe, I honestly believe the first time Trump said he wanted to make Canada a state he was kidding.
01:32But then one of his lackeys said, well that's a great idea Mr. President and now it's a great idea.
01:38Even though it is a completely crazy idea that will never ever happen, it just won't.
01:43Why is he spending energy on this?
01:46Who voted for this?
01:48The dogs and the cats that were being eaten in Ohio.
01:51We never got to the bottom of it.
01:53The stock market was down again today.
01:55The Dow was down 478 points.
01:58Yesterday it went down almost 900 points.
02:01And of course the blame for all of that goes to Joe Biden.
02:04After endlessly bragging and lying about how well the stock market did during his first term as president,
02:10all of a sudden the stock market doesn't really matter because we're in a period of transition.
02:15We are in a period of transition from the mess that was created under Joe Biden in the previous administration.
02:22Joe Biden left this country in an economic disaster.
02:25Wait, there was a disaster and we didn't know about it?
02:28Did you know about it?
02:29No, I didn't know.
02:30The MAGA media, because they know Daddy Donald is always watching,
02:34is bending over backwards to try to spin the fact that Trump is intentionally crashing the economy for reasons unknown.
02:41And some of them, I have to hand it to them, some of them are getting very creative.
02:45The analogy that's always worked for me is a drug addict.
02:48One who perhaps is addicted to heroin.
02:50Once they are pulled off that drug, they often struggle for life
02:54and sometimes have to take methadone to help them reach a level of health.
02:59Oh, all right, now it makes sense.
03:01A nation of drug addicts picked a criminal to run the operation.
03:05Perfectly reasonable.
03:06These guys are working so hard to tell us that this disaster we're watching unfold before our very eyes is part of the plan.
03:14It's all just part of the plan.
03:16One of the teatsuckling stars of this operation is the always frightened squeaker of the house, Mr. Iron Mike Johnson.
03:23So what President Trump is doing, I think of it sort of like when you're playing billiards and you're playing pool, right?
03:28You go on the table and the balls are racked, right?
03:30And you hit it as hard as you can.
03:32This is many people's strategy in the game.
03:34You hit it as hard as you can to break up the balls on the table and send them spread.
03:38Then you play the strategy of sinking them in the holes, right?
03:41That's what we're doing right now.
03:43It is a shake-up.
03:44I believe that sometimes when you shake up, it's a violent thing on the table, right?
03:49In the game metaphor.
03:50But it always works out well in the end.
03:52No, no, it doesn't always work out in the end.
03:55Sometimes in the end you hit so hard you have no balls at all.
04:00It's a terrible metaphor.
04:02Especially because in reality, there's no way Mike Johnson is tall enough to shoot pool, okay?
04:07And of course, no parade of parasites would be complete without some historical perspective from first daughter-in-law, Laura Trump.
04:15When history looks back on this time in America, I do believe that it will be Donald Trump and Elon Musk
04:21who were reflected as two of the saviors of this country and really of the entire world.
04:27And that's how delusional you have to be to marry Eric Trump.
04:33I mean, really.
04:36I guess she's a good daughter-in-law.
04:39She believes that Elon Musk and Donald Trump are going to save the world.
04:42She also believes she can sing.
04:45Elon is having a heck of a week.
04:47Tesla sales are down all over the world.
04:50Yesterday, Tesla had its biggest drop in five years.
04:53Elon Musk lost almost $30 billion in stock value yesterday.
04:57He may have to fire himself, things are going so poorly.
05:00This is not a good time to own a Tesla vehicle.
05:03There have been a lot of reports of angry Americans vandalizing Tesla's charging stations,
05:09attacking the showroom, so much so that President Trump today took it upon himself to announce
05:14he will be buying a Tesla, even though he's not allowed to drive a car.
05:19That should turn things around.
05:21I remember the time he saved Party City by buying a kazoo.
05:24It was heroic.
05:26But it makes sense because Trump, as you know, has been a longtime supporter of electric cars.
05:31We are a nation whose leaders are demanding all electric cars,
05:36even though they can't go far, cost too much,
05:40and whose batteries are produced in China with materials only available in China.
05:45He flip-flops from zero to 60 in under five seconds.
05:48It's really a thing of beauty.
05:50What a twist.
05:51The guy who spent the entire campaign screaming about how awful electric cars are
05:55is now buying an electric car.
05:57Of course, there's no chance he will actually pay for this electric car,
06:01but why should he when he did a big commercial for them today, absolutely free?
06:05By the way, speaking of Tesla, Tesla is a great company.
06:08Thank you all very much.
06:10I love Tesla.
06:11Which one did you buy?
06:13Mr. President, which car are you going to buy?
06:16The one I like is that one.
06:18He loves that Tesla.
06:21Tesla rhymes with his daughter's name, Ivanka, you know.
06:26Jesus Chrysler, this guy, it's...
06:29You know, they probably...
06:31I would imagine they probably don't even have a place to charge it at.
06:36Maybe he'll make little Marco run on a hamster wheel.
06:39Watching Donald Trump check out a Tesla, it was like watching a monkey with an iPad.
06:49Wow, this is a different panel than I...
06:51Everything's computer.
06:55The man who runs our country just said to Tesla,
06:58he said, everything's computer.
07:01And then it was time for Elon to show off his newest creation,
07:05the dumpster on wheels known as the Cybertruck.
07:08This is bulletproof.
07:11I mean, look, in terms of imagination...
07:15You know what, I'm sure they can duct tape that right up.
07:19You won't even notice it.
07:21Trump was very intent on helping Elon sell these things.
07:24They had a list, he had a list in his hand of selling points.
07:27Look at this.
07:28That's a lot of information to put into prices.
07:31Okay, so then somebody got a close-up shot of the notes,
07:34and let's take a look at them.
07:36These are the notes.
07:37They gave him price points and financing options.
07:40$299 a month or $35,000.
07:43He's finally turned into the used car salesman
07:46we all knew he was all along.
07:48And the idea...
07:52Just the idea that we all now have to dig deep
07:56to help the richest man in the world,
07:58who is down to his last $324 billion,
08:02sell cars, is preposterous.
08:05By the way, while our president is selling Teslas,
08:08he's also trying to buy Greenland,
08:10which is another country.
08:12Greenland, whose citizens overwhelmingly say
08:14they don't want to be part of the United States,
08:16had its national elections today.
08:18It was a huge turnout.
08:19All 45 of them showed up to vote.
08:22We should have the results tomorrow,
08:24and then we will see where it goes from there.
08:26Wasn't it nice when we didn't have to watch elections
08:28around the world with bated breath?
08:30With Joe Biden, all we had to worry about
08:32was him going up and down the stairs of his plane.
08:35We did have some good news today.
08:37Egg prices are down.
08:39A dozen eggs can be purchased now
08:43for an average of only $5.51,
08:47according to the Department of Agriculture.
08:49We live in a very weird time.
08:51Everyone's complaining about the price of eggs,
08:53but they're selling $20 strawberries.
08:55Have you seen this on social media?
08:57It's a super expensive strawberry from Japan.
09:00It's being sold at high-end grocery stores
09:02for $19 apiece, and they're, like, sold out.
09:06I tried one on the show last week.
09:08It was a very good strawberry. It's not $20 good.
09:11Not only that, I'm not sure I could even tell
09:14the difference between that strawberry and a regular one.
09:17In fact, I bet most people can't.
09:19And to test this, we decided to go out on the street
09:22with a carton of regular strawberries we bought at Ralph's.
09:25What we told people was that they were the expensive strawberries.
09:31So you've heard about these new viral strawberries?
09:34I have, yes.
09:36The very expensive single strawberry.
09:39We have a bunch. We'd love you to try one and tell us what you think.
09:42Sure. OK.
09:44It's cold.
09:46That's a really good strawberry.
09:48That's a really good strawberry.
09:50Is that a tattoo of a strawberry?
09:52It is. It is a tattoo of a strawberry.
09:54I got a tattoo of a strawberry.
09:56I got a tattoo of a strawberry.
09:58It is. It is a tattoo of a strawberry.
10:00I got a strawberry there and I got blueberries here.
10:05What do you think?
10:06That is really good.
10:07Yeah?
10:08That is really good.
10:09How is it different than a regular strawberry?
10:11I feel like it's a lot sweeter than normal.
10:15And there's no bad spots.
10:17I feel like berries often you have to kind of pick around.
10:20I guess you could say it doesn't taste GMO.
10:24You don't taste any food colouring or anything?
10:28Do you normally taste food colouring in strawberries?
10:31They usually don't taste as natural.
10:33Is it the best strawberry you've ever had?
10:35Mhm.
10:36Can you describe the flavour?
10:38Full, juicy, sour in a sweet way.
10:43It's extremely fleshy, sweet, juicy.
10:48It has a lingering taste to it, so it remains on your palate.
10:52Are you a food professional?
10:54I'm a chef, yes.
10:55You're a chef? Oh, okay.
10:56Is it the best strawberry you've ever had?
10:58Yeah, honestly.
10:59Best, sweetest strawberry I've ever had.
11:02We actually got some strawberries from the supermarket too.
11:05Do you want to have one and compare them?
11:06Sure, let's go.
11:09There really is no punch.
11:11The water, it's like water, so it's gone.
11:15Whereas the other Fauxberry is pretty complete throughout the mastication process.
11:27So you kind of get that whole flavour profile through the entire bite.
11:34It's pretty great.
11:35We have some regular run-of-the-mill supermarket strawberries.
11:39Do you want to try and compare the two?
11:41I wish I'd saved a bite of the good one, but yeah.
11:48Can you tell a difference?
11:49Without a doubt I can tell a difference.
11:51This is a 50 cent strawberry and this is a 19 dollar strawberry.
11:58It won me over.
11:59What if I told you both strawberries were from the same place?
12:05What do you mean? Because I sound a little silly right now.
12:08They're both regular strawberries from the supermarket.
12:10Oh shit.