• 2 days ago
Link Amazon: https://amzn.to/3ZBVEEk
Transcript
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00:02:36Ladies and gentlemen, when the Morning Star summoned you to this banquet,
00:02:41I realized that there were only two people qualified to introduce the great man we are honoring tonight.
00:02:47Either my humble self or that pearl among journalists, Mr. Wallace Cook,
00:02:53my great friend and star reporter.
00:02:56Yes, sir.
00:02:58I want Mr. Cook himself to tell you the great feat he performed,
00:03:01not only for the Morning Star, but for mankind itself,
00:03:05in interesting our guest of honor in this great project.
00:03:09♪♪
00:03:2427 halls of learning and culture, 27 arenas of art,
00:03:29to be known as the Morning Star Temple.
00:03:32And for every dollar we contribute, our guest has pledged himself to give 10.
00:03:38Ladies and gentlemen, it is my great honor to introduce to you
00:03:43a prince with a heart as big as his pocketbook,
00:03:47that fabulous and magnificent potentate of the Orient,
00:03:51the Sultan of Mazupan.
00:03:53-♪♪
00:04:02Peace be unto you, my friend.
00:04:06Peace and the blessings of culture.
00:04:21That's him.
00:04:22That's my husband.
00:04:24♪♪
00:04:46Well, my fine oriental potentate, I'm not going to have you arrested.
00:04:52I'm going to put you on the payroll as a janitor.
00:04:57Thank you, sir.
00:04:58And I always want you present in the local room,
00:05:02where my reporters and Mr. Wallace Cook can drink you in constantly
00:05:08as a warning against fakes.
00:05:11Yes, sir.
00:05:12May I ask, is Mr. Cook a reporter anymore?
00:05:16I wouldn't like for him to lose his job.
00:05:19He was very nice to me.
00:05:21Mr. Cook is not going to be discharged, Your Majesty.
00:05:26For his own good and the good of the Morning Star,
00:05:30I am going to remove him from the land of the living.
00:05:51Hop in, boys.
00:05:52Hop in.
00:05:53Hop in.
00:05:54Hop in.
00:05:55All right.
00:05:56One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten.
00:06:10Hop in.
00:06:11Hop in.
00:06:12Hop in.
00:06:13Hop in.
00:06:14Get Jones on the phone.
00:06:16Hop in.
00:06:17Hop in.
00:06:18Hop in.
00:06:19Hop in.
00:06:20Hop in.
00:06:36Listen, Oliver, I tell you I'm innocent.
00:06:38I was just as fooled by old Black Joe as you were.
00:06:41I believed everything he said just as you did.
00:06:43Now, Oliver, either you cut out these fat-headed monkey shines of yours
00:06:47and let bygones be bygones, or I'm walking out of this fish trap right here and now.
00:06:51You're under contract to the Star for five more years.
00:06:54You're not in a position to resign unless you wish to retire
00:06:57from journalistic efforts over that period.
00:06:59Oliver, you're not going to keep me pounding out obituaries for five years.
00:07:04Those are my plans, Mr. Cook.
00:07:08That's gratitude.
00:07:11I'm the best reporter you ever had.
00:07:13I've handed you a hundred scoops.
00:07:15It isn't fair, Oliver.
00:07:17It isn't human.
00:07:18Shut up!
00:07:21Oliver, I don't like to say this.
00:07:25The paper is going to rack and ruin with me hidden away in that water cooler.
00:07:28Look at this.
00:07:29What's that?
00:07:30Poor little working girl, doomed to death from radium poisoning.
00:07:33We've covered it.
00:07:34Covered it?
00:07:36You're getting old, Oliver.
00:07:37Look, it's one, two, three, four, five, six lines on hazel flag.
00:07:40A poor little kid with a few months to live at the outside.
00:07:43Doomed.
00:07:44Death staring her in the face.
00:07:45What does she feel?
00:07:46What does she think?
00:07:47Radium eating away her bones.
00:07:49Don't shout at me.
00:07:50Listen, Oliver, there's a story in this kid that ought to tear your heart out.
00:07:53Where is it?
00:07:54Why hasn't the star got it?
00:07:55I'll tell you.
00:07:56Because I'm stuck away in a water cooler on account of some whim of yours.
00:07:59Listen, Oliver, give me a chance, will you?
00:08:00So help me, may I drop dead, I'll redeem myself.
00:08:02I ought to be shot for what I'm thinking.
00:08:04What are you thinking?
00:08:05I'm thinking that maybe you ain't the most tittering imbecile on earth.
00:08:09I'm thinking that maybe you've learned your lesson.
00:08:11Oliver, so help me.
00:08:12I'll be in Vermont by morning.
00:08:13I'll dig up a story that'll make this town swoon.
00:08:15Here's my hand on it.
00:08:21I've been through an inferno.
00:08:23I haven't been able to enter a cafe for the past three weeks
00:08:26without the band playing Dixie.
00:08:28Well, that was a coincidence.
00:08:30I've given you my hand.
00:08:31Go on, redeem yourself.
00:08:33Thanks.
00:08:34You won't regret it.
00:08:37If I don't come back with the biggest story you ever handled,
00:08:39you can put me back in short pants and make me marble editor.
00:08:42Marble editor.
00:09:12You through?
00:09:13Yep.
00:09:15You know this girl, Hazel Play?
00:09:17Yep.
00:09:18Pretty girl, eh?
00:09:20Yep.
00:09:22Where is she now, in a hospital?
00:09:24Nope.
00:09:25Just walking around, eh?
00:09:27Laughing, carrying on, I suppose.
00:09:29Yep.
00:09:31What's your name, Coolidge?
00:09:33Nope.
00:09:35Well, if you aren't worn out talking, what is it?
00:09:38Bulls.
00:09:40Bulls?
00:09:41Bulls.
00:09:42Mr. Bull, my name's Cook.
00:09:44I'm from the New York Star.
00:09:46I, uh, going to be filing a lot of stuff
00:09:49at your telegraph office here.
00:09:51I don't think you are.
00:09:53Who says?
00:09:54Paragon Watch Factory owns this town.
00:09:56They don't care they have any scandal printed.
00:09:59What they say goes.
00:10:01Better take the next train back.
00:10:03What kind of a fellow is this Dr. Downer?
00:10:05He won't talk to you.
00:10:06Nobody talks to you in this town.
00:10:08Except me.
00:10:09Better go home.
00:10:11Well, if you don't mind, I'll, uh,
00:10:13take a little stroll and have a look at the sights first.
00:10:16Well, I wouldn't talk at all
00:10:17if I knew I was going to do it for nothing.
00:10:19Oh, pardon me.
00:10:21I forgot I was in Vermont.
00:10:31Oh, well.
00:10:37Morning, sister.
00:10:39You in charge here?
00:10:41Yep.
00:10:44I've been wandering through
00:10:45your fascinating metropolis for an hour.
00:10:48Mind if I sit down here?
00:10:49Yep.
00:10:52I guess you misunderstood me.
00:10:53No.
00:11:00You know Hazel Flagg?
00:11:01Yep.
00:11:02Any idea where I could find her this morning?
00:11:06You're a newspaper man from New York.
00:11:08How'd you guess that, sister?
00:11:09You was a scribe to me.
00:11:11Will Bull can shoot his mouth off
00:11:12to you all he wants but not me
00:11:13nor anybody else in this town.
00:11:15This drugstore is run by the Paragon Watch Company
00:11:17and they don't want any scandal-monger
00:11:19New Yorkers snooping around.
00:11:22Okay, sister.
00:11:24How much do I owe you?
00:11:26Well, you've tooken up my time.
00:11:30Thank you very much.
00:11:31I'm sorry that I've taken up so much of your time.
00:11:35Sorry.
00:11:36Sorry.
00:11:45Oh, boy!
00:11:48Oh, boy, do I like that!
00:11:50Oh, yes!
00:12:06Hey!
00:12:22Oh, morning.
00:12:24Dr. Downer in?
00:12:25Yes.
00:12:28Is that his office?
00:12:29Yes.
00:12:31Tell him Mr. Cook would like to see him.
00:12:33Tell him yourself.
00:12:50Dr. Downer?
00:12:51Yes.
00:12:54My name's Cook.
00:12:55I'm up here from New York.
00:12:56Sit down.
00:12:57I'll be with you in a minute.
00:12:58Nice day.
00:12:59Yep.
00:13:00Yep.
00:13:01What do you got, young man?
00:13:02Hive?
00:13:03No, no hive.
00:13:05There's a lot of hives going around.
00:13:07Miss Georgina Asher was took yesterday.
00:13:09Do you know her?
00:13:10Nope.
00:13:13Where did you say you were from?
00:13:14New York.
00:13:16I was wondering if you could tell me
00:13:17where I could find Hazel Flagg.
00:13:20You're from New York, eh?
00:13:21Yep.
00:13:22You know what I think, young fellow?
00:13:24I don't know.
00:13:25You're from New York, eh?
00:13:26Yep.
00:13:27You know what I think, young fellow?
00:13:29I think you're a newspaper man.
00:13:30I can smell him.
00:13:31I've always been able to smell him.
00:13:33Excuse me while I open the window.
00:13:39I'll tell you briefly what I think of newspaper men.
00:13:42The hand of God reaching down into the mire
00:13:45couldn't elevate one of them to the depths of degradation.
00:13:49Not by a million miles.
00:13:52I think you're being a little severe toward my profession.
00:13:54Not much, but just a little.
00:13:55Nothing of the sort.
00:13:56I am a fair-minded man, young fellow.
00:13:58But when you've been robbed, swindled, cheated
00:14:00for 22 years out of a fortune,
00:14:02it's pardonable to formulate an opinion.
00:14:05From New York, eh?
00:14:06Yep.
00:14:07You don't happen to know of a newspaper
00:14:08called The Morning Star?
00:14:11You have the honor, Dr. Downer,
00:14:12of addressing that newspaper's most gifted representative.
00:14:15Moses in the mountains.
00:14:17You're from The Morning Star.
00:14:19Stay right where you are.
00:14:20Don't move.
00:14:21I'll show you something that'll freeze you.
00:14:24Listen, doctor, I'm getting sick of this taffy pull.
00:14:27Where can I get a hold of Hazel Flagg?
00:14:29Don't talk to me about Hazel Flagg, notary.
00:14:32Here's the evidence.
00:14:35Now, I appeal to you as a man of learning, Dr. Downer.
00:14:38What is Miss Flagg's address?
00:14:40Don't waste my time, young fellow.
00:14:42Here, read that.
00:14:43That's a copy of an essay I wrote.
00:14:45Read it.
00:14:46Go on, tit for tat.
00:14:47Give me her address, and I'll pore over
00:14:49these interesting documents all night.
00:14:51I entered this contest with a clean pair of hands.
00:14:54Who are the six greatest Americans?
00:14:56I named them and proved why,
00:14:58writing on one side of the paper.
00:15:00And what happened?
00:15:01Did I win the $10,000?
00:15:02No, sirree.
00:15:03Did I win the $5,000?
00:15:05Did they even try to save their face
00:15:07by giving me one of the smaller $1,000 prizes?
00:15:10Not that gang of chicken thieves.
00:15:12Here's what they gave me.
00:15:13Read it.
00:15:14A check for $1.
00:15:15Young fellow, for 22 years.
00:15:16I must ask you, Dr. Downer, to be reasonable.
00:15:18You can't harbor a grudge for 22 years.
00:15:20I'll harbor it till I die.
00:15:21Wait and see.
00:15:22The Morning Star had a chance to win my respect 22 years ago.
00:15:26They saw fit to swindle and belittle me very well.
00:15:29I'll prove to them before I die
00:15:31who the six great Americans are
00:15:33and who was entitled to the first prize.
00:15:39I could do better in darkest Africa.
00:15:41You know who got that $10,000?
00:15:43The editor's wife.
00:15:44That's who.
00:15:48Morning.
00:16:04You don't have to sit there looking so dramatic, Hazel,
00:16:07like Eliza crossing the ice.
00:16:09Well, I can't help feeling a little bad you couldn't either
00:16:12if you were going to die any minute.
00:16:14Well, you can stop giving yourself
00:16:16the airs of a dying swan.
00:16:18According to this last analysis I made,
00:16:20you ain't going to die unless you get run over or something.
00:16:24What?
00:16:25You heard me.
00:16:27I don't like to chew my cabbage twice.
00:16:29Enoch.
00:16:30Enoch, I'm not going to die.
00:16:32You're fitter than a fiddle.
00:16:34And stop gawking at me or I'll cut myself.
00:16:37Oh.
00:16:38Oh, I've got to cry, Enoch.
00:16:40I can't help it.
00:16:41Come, come, come.
00:16:42This is no way to behave in a doctor's office.
00:16:45Besides, that soap will give you
00:16:47the darndest bellyache you ever had.
00:16:49Oh, Enoch, you saved my life.
00:16:51Oh, it was nothing.
00:16:53That first diagnosis I made was a mistake.
00:16:55I got so that I was seeing radium poisoning everywhere.
00:16:58I've been awfully brave, haven't I?
00:17:00Not to cry before.
00:17:01Please, I have.
00:17:03Well, now that it's over, I don't mind telling you, Hazel.
00:17:07I felt kind of sorry for you.
00:17:09Sorry.
00:17:11Hi.
00:17:12Hi.
00:17:17I've been under a great strain.
00:17:25You know, I don't know what I'm so happy about, Enoch.
00:17:27You sort of spoiled my trip.
00:17:31What trip's that, Hazel?
00:17:32You know, I was going to take that $200 you get
00:17:34for dying in Warsaw and go to New York and blow it all in
00:17:37and die happy, and now I've got to stay in Warsaw.
00:17:40So?
00:17:41So, that's your gratitude to me for snatching you
00:17:45from the jaws of death.
00:17:50You know, I don't know which I am, happy or miserable.
00:17:52I'm all mixed up.
00:17:54Enoch, listen, do you have to hand in that report
00:17:56to the factory?
00:17:57I know it sounds a little dishonest.
00:18:00I'd do it like a shot, Hazel.
00:18:02Only I'd lose my job the minute they found out
00:18:04you weren't going to die.
00:18:06And besides, there's the ethics.
00:18:09Well, thanks for all your trouble.
00:18:11I'm terribly grateful, Enoch.
00:18:17If only it's kind of startling to be brought to life
00:18:20twice and each time in Warsaw.
00:18:30Miss Flagg.
00:18:31Pardon me, I'm Wallace Cook from the New York Star.
00:18:34I came up to see you.
00:18:36I know it's hard for you to talk, but if you just
00:18:38listen to me for a little while...
00:18:39I have nothing to say now.
00:18:41It's sort of too late.
00:18:43I know how you feel, Miss Flagg, but I won't ask you
00:18:45any questions about your ailment.
00:18:47I was just in to see Dr. Dower.
00:18:49He told me...
00:18:50Now, please don't cry.
00:18:51I was thinking while I was waiting for you to come out
00:18:52and I got an idea.
00:18:53I want you to come to New York with me.
00:18:55What?
00:18:56As my guest.
00:18:57As the guest of the Morning Star.
00:18:58Now, don't say anything till I tell you.
00:18:59Oh, I'm not saying anything.
00:19:00If you were my sister or somebody close to me,
00:19:02I'd take you out of Warsaw dead or alive, Miss Flagg.
00:19:06Oh, I've always wanted to see the world outside before I...
00:19:08It's tragic.
00:19:09You've lived here all your life.
00:19:10Twice that long.
00:19:11You poor kid.
00:19:12You've never been to New York.
00:19:13Oh, my grandmother took me there when I was three,
00:19:15but I didn't appreciate it.
00:19:16Listen, we'll show you the town.
00:19:17We'll take you everywhere.
00:19:18You'll have more fun than if you lived a hundred years
00:19:20in this moth-eaten, yep-or-no village.
00:19:22Oh, that's so very true.
00:19:23Is it a bargain?
00:19:24I don't know.
00:19:25This would be imposing on everybody because...
00:19:27Imposing?
00:19:28In what way?
00:19:29I just thought it'd be wrong to make people sad.
00:19:31It'd be kind of a killjoy, wouldn't it?
00:19:33Listen, I'll be frank with you.
00:19:34Don't make me sound like a ghoul.
00:19:35You'll be a sensation.
00:19:36The whole town will take you to its heart.
00:19:38You'll have everything you've ever dreamed of,
00:19:39and you'll have it on a silver platter.
00:19:40You'll be like Aladdin with a magic lamp to rub.
00:19:43You mean they'll like me just because I'm dying?
00:19:46Oh, that's a cruel way to put it.
00:19:48No, they'll like you because you'll be a symbol
00:19:50of courage and heroism.
00:19:52We'll talk about it on the plane.
00:19:53An airplane?
00:19:54You mean we're going to fly there?
00:19:55Sure.
00:19:56Sure, we haven't much time.
00:19:58I'm sorry.
00:19:59I mean, the sooner you get there,
00:20:00the more time you'll have to enjoy yourself.
00:20:02You know, I was going to go there
00:20:03and give you a hundred dollars.
00:20:04A hundred million dollars?
00:20:05Couldn't buy her the fun of Morningstar
00:20:06I can give you.
00:20:07Come on.
00:20:08Oh, no, wait.
00:20:09I've got to take him with me.
00:20:10With a kid on a bicycle?
00:20:11Oh, no, no, Enoch.
00:20:12Dr. Donner.
00:20:13You wait here.
00:20:14Oh, you won't go away with him?
00:20:15Nope.
00:20:16Well, I'll go ask him.
00:20:17Will you wait here?
00:20:18Yep.
00:20:19Oh, good.
00:20:20Enoch!
00:20:21Enoch!
00:20:22Enoch!
00:20:23Enoch!
00:20:33Enoch!
00:20:44Oh, Enoch, look!
00:20:45I don't care for scenery from this point of view.
00:20:48But that's the Statue of Liberty!
00:20:51I've seen it.
00:21:03I got in touch with Oliver, or Oliver Stone, my editor.
00:21:06He's toe-dancing in the street waiting for us.
00:21:08Oh, I hope he's nice like you.
00:21:10Well, he's got a different quality of charm.
00:21:12He's sort of a cross between a Ferris wheel and a werewolf.
00:21:15But with a lovable streak, if you care to blast for it.
00:21:18You getting nervous?
00:21:19Oh, no, no.
00:21:20I just hope he won't have a lot of long-whiskered doctors lined up to harass me.
00:21:24You know, I'm not coming to New York to play guinea pig for a lot of scientists.
00:21:27Everybody knows the radium poisoning is incurable, so...
00:21:30So why waste any time in that direction?
00:21:33Don't you worry about that.
00:21:35You won't be bothered at all.
00:21:37You know, I'm not going to bed until I have convulsions and my teeth start falling out.
00:21:40That's when I begin worrying, isn't it, Enoch?
00:21:43This is as good a time as any.
00:21:45How are you feeling now, sailor?
00:21:47Hunky-dory, skipper.
00:21:50Well, there she is, in all her beads and ribbons.
00:22:00Mr. Cook?
00:22:01Yes.
00:22:02Oh, thank you.
00:22:04Oh, it's from Oliver.
00:22:06He's almost tongue-tied with excitement.
00:22:08He's worked up a nutty demonstration.
00:22:10New York is going to lay its heart at your feet
00:22:12while the whistles blow and the bands play and the cameras grind.
00:22:16How about you, sailor?
00:22:18Anything you care to say as we go into action?
00:22:20Oh, I'm going to have a marvelous time.
00:22:22Whatever happens afterwards, I mean about the convulsions and all that,
00:22:24I'm going to have fun first.
00:22:26I am, I am.
00:22:27Well, if that doesn't make him cry, nothing will.
00:22:29Cry? Why should they cry?
00:22:31Because you're the bravest kid that ever lived.
00:22:34There's no fake about it this time.
00:22:37Oh, look!
00:23:29Whoa!
00:24:00Whoa!
00:24:21Don't excite yourself too much. It's just a fake.
00:24:23What did you say?
00:24:24I said, don't excite yourself too much. It's just a fake.
00:24:26Oh, who's a fake?
00:24:28Those grapplers.
00:24:29The only square thing about them is the ring.
00:24:31Oh, them?
00:24:32They're a symbol of the whole town,
00:24:33pretending to fight, love, weep, and laugh all the time.
00:24:36And they're phonies, all of them.
00:24:38And I head the list.
00:24:39Oh, no, you don't. Don't say that.
00:24:41Using you to get a bonus and a byline on the front page.
00:24:44Making good over your poor little pain-wracked body, you know.
00:24:48I'm worse than those fake wrestlers.
00:24:49Well, I feel fine tonight, Wally.
00:24:51You and the Morning Star have been so wonderful to me.
00:24:53You know, these wonderful gowns and the banquets and the theater tickets.
00:24:57Stop looking so happy and gallant, will you?
00:25:00It breaks my heart.
00:25:26You all right?
00:25:27Oh, yes, I'm fine. I feel fine.
00:25:35Ladies and gentlemen,
00:25:38I have just learned that Miss Hazel Flagg is in the audience.
00:25:44I would like to ask this distinguished audience
00:25:48to observe ten seconds of silence
00:25:52in respect for Miss Flagg.
00:26:00Ten seconds of silence.
00:26:03Ten seconds of silence.
00:26:06Ten seconds of silence.
00:26:09Ten seconds of silence.
00:26:12Ten seconds of silence.
00:26:17Ten seconds of silence.
00:26:36Okay, boys.
00:26:42What is it anything to do with your running the flea if I ask you something personal?
00:27:10That's what we're here for, to get personal.
00:27:13Proceed.
00:27:14There's a loose halyard forward.
00:27:15Go make it fast, will you?
00:27:16Can I bring him to me?
00:27:17Yes, my little mariner, yes.
00:27:18Try not to go overboard.
00:27:19I asked several people, but they didn't know.
00:27:20Didn't know what?
00:27:21If you were married.
00:27:22The answer in capital letters is no, N-O.
00:27:23M-O?
00:27:24Yeah, N-O.
00:27:25Oh, I see.
00:27:26I don't suppose newspaper men marry is the rule.
00:27:27Not after they're 14 or 15.
00:27:28That's the dangerous age for the journalist.
00:27:29He's out of his mind.
00:27:30He's out of his mind.
00:27:31He's out of his mind.
00:27:32He's out of his mind.
00:27:33He's out of his mind.
00:27:34He's out of his mind.
00:27:35His ideals are not yet formed, and he falls easy prey to elderly waitresses.
00:27:45Once his finer side is born, he waits.
00:27:47For what?
00:27:48For the sound of the fire alarm, Miss Flagg.
00:27:51Waits to go rushing off to the fire.
00:27:52How far is that, Mr. Cook?
00:27:53Love.
00:27:54I used to hear about that in Warsaw.
00:27:55Yeah, it's gotten around.
00:27:57Oh.
00:27:58Oh.
00:27:59Oh.
00:28:00Oh.
00:28:01Oh.
00:28:02Oh.
00:28:03Oh.
00:28:04Oh.
00:28:05Oh.
00:28:06Oh.
00:28:07Oh.
00:28:08Oh.
00:28:09Oh.
00:28:10Oh.
00:28:11Oh.
00:28:12Oh.
00:28:13Oh.
00:28:14Oh.
00:28:15Oh.
00:28:16Oh.
00:28:17Oh.
00:28:18Oh.
00:28:19Oh.
00:28:20Oh.
00:28:21Oh.
00:28:22Oh.
00:28:23Oh.
00:28:24Oh.
00:28:26You having fun?
00:28:27Yes.
00:28:28But you know I get kind of depressed.
00:28:29You know, last night when I entered the theater everybody moaned, oh.
00:28:34You know, I might as well be a case of walking cholera.
00:28:41Don't do that!
00:28:45I used to love it in New York when I went gaga
00:28:47with Gaga over some celebrity.
00:28:49Danced in the streets with a neon light around its heart.
00:28:54Getting fed up with its trick tears and phony lamentations
00:28:57over you.
00:28:58Glad they're phony.
00:28:59It makes everything all right in a way.
00:29:01What I mean is I wouldn't want to feel I was really
00:29:03making all those people suffer.
00:29:17Wally, Wally, look at that man with the toupee.
00:29:44Greetings, greetings, my little folks.
00:29:48Tonight there is one among us who adds a bit of unaccustomed
00:29:52drama to our little revel.
00:29:54She sits here, eyes sparkling, her face
00:29:58wreathed in a lovely smile.
00:30:00Drinking in the charm, the glitter,
00:30:03the gay sounds of life.
00:30:07So drink your wine, laugh and applaud,
00:30:10while this little doomed child sits saying goodbye to you.
00:30:16Her last goodbye with a grateful smile on her lips.
00:30:21So on with the show, my little actresses all.
00:30:26On with the show for tonight you are not
00:30:29the famous folk of Broadway.
00:30:31Tonight you are just a little chorus laughing and dancing
00:30:35and pirouetting to afford a last brief hour of mirth and jollity
00:30:40to America's simplest and sweetest of heroines,
00:30:45Miss Hazel Black.
00:30:58For good, clean fun, there's nothing like a wake.
00:31:01Oh, please, please, let's not talk shop.
00:31:05Our next number tonight, ladies and gentlemen,
00:31:07is entitled The Heroine of History.
00:31:16Catherine the Great, who saved Russia.
00:31:19She could do it, too.
00:31:31Lady Godiva, who saved her virtue.
00:31:35That's the way those things go, folks.
00:31:45Catinka, who saved Holland by putting her finger in the dike.
00:32:07Show them the finger, babe.
00:32:16Pocahontas, who saved Captain John Smith,
00:32:19and later on set him up in the cough drop business.
00:32:35Now, ladies and gentlemen, I want you to meet that little girl
00:32:38from Warsaw, Vermont.
00:32:40That little soldier whose heroic smile in the face of death
00:32:44has wrung tears and cheers from the great stone
00:32:48heart of the city.
00:32:50I humbly invite her now to take her place
00:32:53beside all the great heroines of history,
00:32:57our own Miss Hazel Black.
00:33:02Now, ladies and gentlemen, let me introduce you
00:33:05to our next heroine of history, our own Miss Hazel Black.
00:33:32Hazel Black.
00:34:02Look, something has happened to Hazel.
00:34:25Listen, Hazel, don't speak to me like that.
00:34:30Don't speak to me.
00:34:31Look out, young fellow.
00:34:32Let me at her.
00:34:33Has it come?
00:34:35Doctor, I want to know the worst.
00:34:36I don't want you to spare our feelings.
00:34:38We go to press in 15 minutes.
00:34:46Is there a chance, Doctor?
00:34:48I've been expecting something like this.
00:34:50Let's get her out of here.
00:34:51Quick.
00:34:55Please, everybody, take your seats.
00:34:58Now, quiet, please.
00:34:59Take your seats.
00:35:00There must be no commotion.
00:35:02The show must go on.
00:35:04Hazel would want it that way.
00:35:10I'm disgusted with you, Hazel,
00:35:12getting drunk in the middle of a memorial.
00:35:14Now, lie down like I tell you.
00:35:16I'm not drunk.
00:35:17I just had a little sip or so,
00:35:19and then all those buffaloes ran over me.
00:35:22They weren't buffaloes.
00:35:23They were horses.
00:35:24I might have been trampled to death.
00:35:27Don't yell, I tell you.
00:35:29If somebody respectable could see you now,
00:35:31that would be pretty, wouldn't it?
00:35:33Shame on you.
00:35:35Take your stockings off.
00:35:37Yeah, the doctors take them off themselves.
00:35:40It's three o'clock in the morning.
00:35:48Hey, what are you doing?
00:35:54It's three o'clock in the morning.
00:36:01If anything happens, we'll have to replay it.
00:36:04That's all that counts to you, isn't it, you birdbrain,
00:36:07with a headline for a heart?
00:36:09That poor gallant little kid standing in front of that goofy bunch of horses
00:36:12and smiling, just smiling.
00:36:14Don't waste copy on me, Wallace.
00:36:16Oliver, there's the sweetest, loveliest kid in there that ever lived.
00:36:20Yes, you said that before, Wally.
00:36:23I'm through.
00:36:24I can't play pallbearer any longer.
00:36:26I'm resigning.
00:36:28She's all right, gentlemen.
00:36:29Sleeping like a little baby.
00:36:31No.
00:36:32Are you sure?
00:36:33Just as if nothing had happened.
00:36:35She'll be fitter than a fiddle in the morning.
00:36:37Three o'clock in the morning.
00:36:46Oh.
00:36:49Oh.
00:36:51Oh, my gosh.
00:36:52Miss Rafferty.
00:36:53Miss Rafferty.
00:36:54Yes?
00:36:55Oh, make them stop bringing that song.
00:36:57It'll break my head open.
00:37:00Hello?
00:37:01I don't want to talk to anybody.
00:37:03Just a minute.
00:37:04There are 20 little schoolchildren downstairs to sing for you.
00:37:08Mr. Stone arranged for it yesterday.
00:37:10Oh, it's horrible.
00:37:12I'll go mad.
00:37:15Send them up.
00:37:17You may bring them up, sir.
00:37:18What's that?
00:37:19Oh, my gosh.
00:37:20There's a sawdust inside my head.
00:37:23You may leave the room, Miss Rafferty.
00:37:30I brought you something.
00:37:34Raw eggs.
00:37:37Just what you need.
00:37:40The albumen counteracts the alcohol.
00:37:49Suck them right down.
00:37:50Settle your stomach.
00:37:51Go on.
00:37:52I got a whole dozen.
00:37:53Is this the way drunks feel?
00:37:56Hazel, you've got what is known in medicine as a hangover.
00:38:01I've got something worse than that.
00:38:02I've got a conscience.
00:38:04Oh.
00:38:05Keep on sucking that egg and your conscience will go away.
00:38:09I'm ruining him.
00:38:11Let me have your pulse, Hazel.
00:38:15Ah.
00:38:16Don't jiggle me.
00:38:17My pulse is all right.
00:38:18I'm as healthy as an ox.
00:38:19Oh.
00:38:20Well, stop groaning then.
00:38:21You old fraud, you know what I'm groaning about.
00:38:24Oh, I wish, I wish I had radium poisoning or something awful
00:38:27and then I wouldn't ruin him.
00:38:29Who's this you're ruining, Hazel?
00:38:31Wallace, Mr. Cook.
00:38:33Oh, him.
00:38:34Have another egg.
00:38:35Enoch, listen.
00:38:36He thinks I've helped him become a great journalist
00:38:38and they're going to give him a bonus.
00:38:39Mr. Stone is a bonus.
00:38:41It's coming out of the $10,000 they owe me.
00:38:43If I'm not complaining, why should he worry?
00:38:46He thinks I've helped him.
00:38:47Helped him and it makes him feel better.
00:38:49Oh, I can't stand it.
00:38:51You know what'll happen when they find out I'm a horrible
00:38:53good-for-nothing fake?
00:38:54They'll blame him, everybody.
00:38:56They'll just burn down the newspaper and the mayor,
00:38:58he'll have Wally Lynch.
00:38:59You just wait and see.
00:39:01Oh, Enoch, why did you let me come to New York?
00:39:04You were only as honest as you look.
00:39:10Mr. Cook is here to see Miss Flagg.
00:39:12Do you feel able to speak to him?
00:39:13Oh, yes.
00:39:14Tell him I was...
00:39:23Tell him to come in.
00:39:24Come in.
00:39:25Come in.
00:39:33Hello.
00:39:34Hello, Hazel.
00:39:35Hello.
00:39:36Hello, Doctor.
00:39:39It, uh, it won't hurt her if I visit a while.
00:39:42She's doing very well for her last few weeks.
00:39:50See, I'm glad to hear that, Hazel.
00:39:51I was, uh, we were worried.
00:39:54Excuse me.
00:39:57I wouldn't have disturbed you, but, uh, I'm going away
00:40:00and I thought I might not see you again.
00:40:02You're going away where?
00:40:04Oh, just to Albany.
00:40:07What for?
00:40:08Just to see the governor.
00:40:09Wallace, what are you doing in Albany with the governor?
00:40:11Hazel, you mustn't get overwrought.
00:40:13Well, if it's about me, I must know about it.
00:40:16It's, uh, about the arrangements, Hazel.
00:40:19What arrangements?
00:40:21For the funeral.
00:40:23What funeral?
00:40:25Yours.
00:40:26Oh.
00:40:29Have I, have I shocked you?
00:40:31Oh, no, oh, no.
00:40:32Everybody has to have a funeral sometime.
00:40:34Oh, but not like yours, darling.
00:40:37Gee, I meant to keep it as a surprise.
00:40:41Oh, it's better this way.
00:40:42You're telling me in advance so I can get used to it.
00:40:45Oh, I hope it's going to be a little funeral.
00:40:47Oh, I'm afraid that's way, way impossible, Hazel.
00:40:50According to the present registration,
00:40:52there'll be about 30,000 automobiles
00:40:55and a considerable group on foot.
00:40:57About half a million, I think.
00:40:59Oh, my.
00:41:01Well, that's not half enough to mourn for you.
00:41:05Oliver thought we could get the president,
00:41:07but, uh, he's still fishing.
00:41:10I arranged to have the symphony orchestra there instead.
00:41:12Well, if it's all arranged, why are you going to Albany?
00:41:15Well, uh, I had an idea this morning.
00:41:18I'm getting the, uh, governor to declare a public holiday
00:41:20for the, uh, occasion.
00:41:22Oh, like St. Valentine's Day.
00:41:24I'm glad I told you.
00:41:26Hazel, I want you to know now and always,
00:41:29I think you're magnificent.
00:41:31Oh, please, please don't say that.
00:41:33Do you have to go away?
00:41:35Well, I'll be back by night.
00:41:37I've got another surprise for you, but I'll not tell you now.
00:41:40Oh, I've got to hear it.
00:41:44Well, I, I promised you I wouldn't do this.
00:41:46You wouldn't do what?
00:41:47Don't call in any other doctors.
00:41:50Hazel, I know you have great faith in Enoch,
00:41:53but I've broken my promise.
00:41:55Dr. Emil Eggelhoffer is arriving on the wrecks this afternoon.
00:41:59He's from Vienna.
00:42:00And I'm bringing him up to see you.
00:42:02What for?
00:42:03Hazel, he is the greatest expert on radium poisoning in the world.
00:42:07I know it's incurable,
00:42:08but when I heard he was on the wrecks, I radioed him.
00:42:11There's, there's always an outside chance.
00:42:13You know, just one in a million.
00:42:16I'm sorry.
00:42:17I've got to run to get the 10 o'clock plane.
00:42:20Hazel, I, I know it's a long shot, but we can hope.
00:42:26Goodbye.
00:42:29Goodbye.
00:42:33Pardon.
00:42:40The little children are here, Hazel.
00:42:42What little children?
00:42:43They've come to sing for you.
00:42:44Enoch, this is the end.
00:42:45Don't ask any questions.
00:42:46Just listen to me.
00:42:47We're caught.
00:42:48Dr. Eggelhoffer's coming here tonight to expose me and Wally.
00:42:50You've got nothing to fear from any doctor who comes snooping around here.
00:42:55Better have another egg.
00:42:57There's only one way out.
00:42:58There's only one way to save you and me and Wally.
00:43:00I've got to commit suicide in advance before that scientist gets to me.
00:43:03I've got to be proud.
00:43:04Oh, shut this egg.
00:43:05Oh, shut up.
00:43:06I'll leave a note to the city thanking everybody.
00:43:09You, you get rid of the nurse for the evening,
00:43:10and then I'll jump into the river.
00:43:11Somebody's bound to see me jump in,
00:43:13and they'll be waiting in a rowboat to fish me out,
00:43:15and I'll swim underwater, and I'll change my name,
00:43:18and hide away for the rest of my life,
00:43:20and never, never see him again.
00:43:23Oh, they'll haul the funeral without me.
00:43:31For you, Hazel, we are jeering.
00:43:35Now the end is bowing, nearing.
00:43:40I can't angel, you're a theory.
00:43:43Who makes for Hazel Flag?
00:43:48Gal, on Hazel Flag we leave us.
00:43:52Your passing will so deeply grieve us.
00:43:56When you and me have to leave us,
00:44:00three cheers for Hazel Flag.
00:44:05Hazel Flag is going fast.
00:44:07She's helping with the tide.
00:44:09She's dying with the glory,
00:44:11to let aliens of the sky.
00:44:13Hazel Flag is going fast.
00:44:15Oh, Phoenix, stop it.
00:44:17Hazel Flag is going fast.
00:44:47Hello, honey.
00:45:00This is Ernest.
00:45:02Honey, what kind of flowers do you like?
00:45:05Huh?
00:45:06Don't worry, honey, they're all the same price.
00:45:09I'm getting them wholesale.
00:45:12Be right up, honey.
00:45:43Hello, get me the Morning Star, quick.
00:45:47Who committed suicide?
00:45:50Read it to me.
00:45:51Dear New York City, goodbye.
00:45:54Remember me as someone you made very happy.
00:45:58I have enjoyed everything.
00:46:01There's only one thing left to enjoy.
00:46:04Your river that smiles outside of my window.
00:46:09It is easy to die
00:46:11when the heart is full of gratitude.
00:46:14Hazel Flag.
00:46:19Hello, Oliver.
00:46:20Oh, we got our holiday.
00:46:21The governor has agreed to...
00:46:22Shut up.
00:46:25Jumping ain't Celestia.
00:46:27She's double-crossed us.
00:46:28Who has?
00:46:29Miss Flag.
00:46:30She's gone over to some other paper?
00:46:32She's gone into the river.
00:46:34Listen, you weasel brain,
00:46:35what are you trying to tell me?
00:46:36Hazel Flag has committed suicide.
00:46:39I don't believe it.
00:46:40Ernest, your sultan found her suicide note.
00:46:45He saw her leave the hotel five minutes ago.
00:46:48Give me the mayor at once.
00:46:49Get the governor.
00:46:50Tell him we want that holiday tomorrow.
00:46:52You're a fine pair of gravediggers,
00:46:53you and the governor both.
00:46:54Hello, hello, mayor.
00:46:55This is Wallace Cook of the Star calling.
00:47:06One, two, three.
00:47:32Enoch!
00:47:34Enoch!
00:47:36Okay, Hazel, okay.
00:47:41One, two, three.
00:47:44Hazel!
00:47:45Stop!
00:47:50Stop!
00:47:51Stop!
00:47:53Crazy fool!
00:47:54What the devil's the matter with you?
00:47:56What are you trying to do?
00:48:12Wally!
00:48:13Wally, are you all right?
00:48:14Sure, I'm all right.
00:48:17But I can't swim.
00:48:20Whoa!
00:48:21Get in!
00:48:22Wally!
00:48:43It's a fine, sweet trick you tried to play.
00:48:45Well, why didn't you stay in Albany?
00:48:47Jumping up up here like some hothead.
00:48:48I didn't jump.
00:48:49I was pushed.
00:48:50Scaring everybody out of their wits?
00:48:51No, boy, I wasn't scared.
00:48:52Listen, either you give me your word of honor
00:48:53you won't try that again or I'll spank your little...
00:48:55Oh, Wallace, don't you think you ought to notify him
00:48:57that you've located me?
00:48:58You know, it seems unfair to have him dragging the river.
00:49:00Oh, the fresh air will do him good.
00:49:01Come on, I want to talk to you.
00:49:03Wally!
00:49:05This is as good a place as any.
00:49:07Get in!
00:49:11Oh, it's awfully cozy, isn't it?
00:49:14Are you still mad at me?
00:49:16I'm mad at myself.
00:49:17Drooling away to you about the funeral.
00:49:19That's what drove you to it.
00:49:20Oh, to be really frank with you, Wallace,
00:49:21it wasn't that at all.
00:49:23Oh, darling, I'd love to sit in here with you
00:49:25for the rest of my life.
00:49:32Hazel.
00:49:35Will you marry me?
00:49:36What?
00:49:38You heard me.
00:49:39Will you marry me?
00:49:40Oh, Wally.
00:49:41Come on, answer me.
00:49:42Oh, but darling, there's no future in it.
00:49:44Now, don't talk like a half-wit.
00:49:46I don't care about the future.
00:49:48Oh, Wally, if things are normal, I...
00:49:50Oh, Wally, I...
00:49:51I mustn't.
00:49:52Don't ask me.
00:49:53Please just kiss me once more and let it go
00:49:55without ruining your life.
00:49:58So what the devil is there better to life than we've got?
00:50:01A handful of perfect dollars.
00:50:02That's all the luckiest ever get out of it.
00:50:05Just a handful of hours to save and remember.
00:50:09Then I'll be there at the end, sailor.
00:50:13I'll be there waving you goodbye.
00:50:16We'll be the same as if you and I had lived forever.
00:50:19And you will grow old in my heart.
00:50:23Oh, please.
00:50:32You seen anything of a young lady what jumped in the river?
00:50:35Yes, she's right here.
00:50:37All right.
00:50:38Jim, get the bull motor.
00:50:39Oh, never mind the bull motor.
00:50:41Oh, her breathing's fine, Jim.
00:50:44Drive us to her hotel, will you?
00:50:47Sure.
00:50:48Jump in.
00:50:59Jump in, Jimminy.
00:51:06Oh, oh, thank you.
00:51:07You're welcome.
00:51:10You're welcome.
00:51:14You're welcome.
00:51:17Looks as if I finally get my ride on a fire engine.
00:51:24Jim?
00:51:25Jim.
00:51:26OK, Jim.
00:51:34Oh, Jimminy, Jimminy.
00:51:38Jimminy!
00:51:47Johnny goes go down and bat out the story.
00:51:49Oliver's having a cat fit.
00:51:51You know, I've been misjudging him.
00:51:53When I told him you were safe and sound, he choked up and he couldn't talk for a minute.
00:51:57Oh, I guess he's very sweet.
00:52:00Well, I'll see you in the morning.
00:52:03Have a good sleep.
00:52:05Good night.
00:52:06Yes, sir.
00:52:07It's a big fire.
00:52:08Oh, if you ever hate me, remember this and this and this and this and...
00:52:20The biggest fire since Rome.
00:52:37Well, well, well. Hello, Hazel. Come in.
00:52:41I was wondering what ever become of you.
00:52:46Enoch, who is that man? Enoch, who is that man?
00:52:49Oh, he's just a stranger from Europe. Dropped in for a little chat.
00:52:52We've been discussing medicine pro and con.
00:52:56Well, excuse me.
00:52:59I wanted to introduce you to Hazel Flagg.
00:53:02Mr... What did you say your name was?
00:53:04Egelhofer. Dr. Emil Egelhofer.
00:53:08Dr. Offerlinger?
00:53:11Seems to me I've heard of you somewhere, doctor.
00:53:14Oh, Enoch. Enoch, sit down now.
00:53:16I received a radio on the ship from the morning star, Miss Flagg,
00:53:20which excited my professional as well as humane interest.
00:53:24And I called on you at once.
00:53:28Ah, that must be my colleagues.
00:53:32Come, ladies and gentlemen.
00:53:37This is the young lady, Miss Hazel Flagg.
00:53:40Dr. Oswald Funch of Prague.
00:53:45Dr. Felix Marachovsky of Moscow.
00:53:49Dr. Friedrich Kirchenweiser of Berlin.
00:53:53All the darkies and the weeping masses in the cold, cold ground.
00:54:07There is no vestige, no trace, no single symptom
00:54:11of radium poisoning in this young woman, Mr. Stone.
00:54:16We had some trouble with that horse doctor from Vermont.
00:54:20But we took the x-rays regardless.
00:54:24Are you sure you examined the right woman and not some, some imposter?
00:54:31Oh, the only imposter in this case, Mr. Stone,
00:54:35is this young woman we examined.
00:54:38The young woman who is known as Hazel Flagg.
00:54:43Here's a full report of this examination.
00:54:46Here's the x-ray pictures showing the entire skeleton
00:54:50of this young woman known as Hazel Flagg.
00:54:53And here, Mr. Stone, is my bill.
00:54:58Our bill.
00:55:00And I will assure you, not me or my colleagues
00:55:04will say one single word of this to the newspaper.
00:55:08Goodbye.
00:55:15Goodbye. You have nothing more to worry about, Mr. Stone.
00:55:19Your troubles are over.
00:55:30Send me up four sluggers from the circulation department.
00:55:38I've got a bulletin and a new lead for you on Hazel Flagg
00:55:41that's going to read that sour puss of yours
00:55:43into a nosegay of smiles.
00:55:45Now sit tight and tuck in your ears.
00:55:48Miss Flagg is getting married tonight.
00:55:51And wish me luck, old weasel brain, it's me.
00:55:58Now listen, I know it sounds hysterical,
00:56:01marrying somebody with a few weeks to live.
00:56:04Like honeymooning with a hearse at the front door.
00:56:08But Oliver, it's on the square.
00:56:14What's the matter with you?
00:56:16Listen, I want you to be best mannered.
00:56:20Is he a steward or something? I came in for congratulations.
00:56:24What's up? What's eating you?
00:56:26I am sitting here, Mr. Cook.
00:56:31I am sitting here, Mr. Cook,
00:56:34trying to figure some way
00:56:37out of the blackest disaster
00:56:39that has ever struck down an innocent man
00:56:42since the days of Judas Iscariot.
00:56:45What are you mumbling about? What disaster?
00:56:48I am sitting here, Mr. Cook,
00:56:51toying with the idea of removing your heart
00:56:55and stuffing it like an olive!
00:56:58Hang on, Oliver. You're going screwy. I'll get water for you.
00:57:00You'll ruin me. You'll ruin the morning star.
00:57:04You'll blacken forever the fair name of journalism.
00:57:07You and that foul botch of nature, Hazel Flagg!
00:57:12You got some excuse for those words, Oliver. Let's have it quick.
00:57:15Excuse? Excuse? Look at that!
00:57:19Look at that skeleton! Not a bone missing!
00:57:22Down to the last healthy vertebrae! Intact!
00:57:26Read that! Rub your nose in it!
00:57:28That's Hazel Flagg! The biggest fake of the century!
00:57:31A lying, faking witch with the soul of an eel
00:57:34and the brain of a tarantula!
00:57:36She hasn't got anything wrong with her at all.
00:57:39Sweet heaven, I can't believe it.
00:57:42It's like some miracle.
00:57:44Get to the Waldorf Hotel as quick as you can.
00:57:46Grab Hazel Flagg and bring her to this office.
00:57:48If you have to, drag her through the street by the hair.
00:57:50So help me, Oliver. If you hurt that kid, I'll knock you cold. I'll bring her.
00:57:53You stay here and watch that maniac.
00:57:55Watch every move he makes.
00:57:57I want Hazel Flagg in this office within half an hour.
00:58:00You're staying here.
00:58:02Oliver, you're not going to hurt her. Shut up!
00:58:04I'm marrying her. Get that into that monkey skull of yours.
00:58:07I don't care how we've been taken or what she's done. I'm in love with her.
00:58:09Oh, that's a beautiful thought.
00:58:11And I thank God on my knees that she's a fraud and a fake and isn't going to die.
00:58:13You're on your knees thanking God, are you,
00:58:15when the whole town's getting ready to laugh at us.
00:58:17A howl that'll be heard around the world.
00:58:19Let them laugh. I'll do my own laughing back.
00:58:21It'll be worse than the French Revolution.
00:58:23I want her to come here when it breaks.
00:58:25I want to make one speech to our dear readers
00:58:27before they carry our heads off on a pike.
00:58:29I want to tell them we've been their benefactors.
00:58:31We gave them a chance to pretend that their phony hearts
00:58:33were dripping with the milk of human kindness.
00:58:35What's your name?
00:58:37Me? Max.
00:58:39I want quiet in this office, Max.
00:58:43Quiet so I can think!
00:58:45Hazel Flagg's a fraud, eh?
00:58:47Tag him!
00:58:49So when you start yelling foul, remember she was just a circulation stunt for you.
00:58:52You use her like you've used every broken heart
00:58:54that's fallen into your knapsack.
00:58:56To inflame the Daffy public and help sell your papers.
00:58:58That's her up about selling papers.
00:59:14Before I finish with that female Dracula,
00:59:16she'll know one thing.
00:59:18That Oliver Stone is worse than radium poisoning
00:59:20four ways from the jack.
00:59:24Hello? Hello?
00:59:26Who? Moe?
00:59:28Moe who?
00:59:30Who's Moe Levinsky?
00:59:32That's my brother. You sent him over to get that girl.
00:59:34Remember?
00:59:36Uh-oh. Moe, listen. What?
00:59:38What's that?
00:59:40Well, what are you stalling for?
00:59:42Get her back here to the office as I ordered.
00:59:44Get the mush out of your mouth, man, and speak up.
00:59:46He's a dumb cluck, Mr. Stone.
00:59:48You better let me talk to him.
00:59:50You'll just get him excited, then he's gone.
00:59:52Hello, Moe?
00:59:54This is Max.
00:59:56What's on your mind?
00:59:58Uh-huh.
01:00:00Uh-huh.
01:00:02That's a shame.
01:00:04What is it?
01:00:06I'm getting it. Go on, Moe.
01:00:08And take it easy.
01:00:10Uh-huh.
01:00:12Uh-huh.
01:00:14You don't say.
01:00:16Look, Moe. Hold her wire, will you?
01:00:18I'll take it up with Mr. Stone.
01:00:20Well?
01:00:22He wants to know where he can get a doctor.
01:00:24This girl is sick.
01:00:26Who's sick?
01:00:28This girl, Hazel Flagg.
01:00:30It's a lie.
01:00:32Listen, Max. Ask him what she's sick with.
01:00:34He told me. He said it's something like the DTs.
01:00:36Only the dope can't pronounce it.
01:00:38There's a nurse there.
01:00:40Just a minute.
01:00:42Hello, Moe?
01:00:44She's getting rattled.
01:00:46Now, don't fly off the handle, Moe.
01:00:48All I want to know is the nurse there.
01:00:50No, not a nurse.
01:00:52A nurse, like a tootsie.
01:00:54That's right.
01:00:56Uh-huh.
01:00:58Uh-huh.
01:01:00Give me that phone.
01:01:02I'm getting it.
01:01:04Give me that phone, I tell you!
01:01:06Here's the nurse.
01:01:08Mr. Efferty, Oliver Stone.
01:01:10Pneumonia?
01:01:13Temperature of 106?
01:01:15Dying?
01:01:17Go back and take her temperature again.
01:01:19I don't trust that girl until I get a doctor.
01:01:21No, not Dr. Downer.
01:01:23Tell Moe to throw that Vermont quack out of the room
01:01:25the minute he shows his face.
01:01:27Get me Moe.
01:01:29Pneumonia. It's the finger of God, if it's true.
01:01:31Listen, Moe.
01:01:33Don't let anybody leave that room until I get there.
01:01:35Dead or alive, nobody leaves that room.
01:01:37Get me?
01:01:39It's like a pardon from the gallows.
01:01:41But I'm pressing nobody this time.
01:01:43I'm taking no chances.
01:01:45Hello. Hello.
01:01:47Get me Dr. Emil Egelhofer of Vienna.
01:01:49Wherever he is.
01:01:51Well, try all the hotels.
01:01:53Listen, Oliver. I'm going over there.
01:01:55And if you try to stop me, so help me,
01:01:57I'll get you if it takes all my life.
01:01:59Nobody is going to stop you now.
01:02:01If that little girl is sick, your place is by her side.
01:02:03Yes.
01:02:05Dr. Emil Egelhofer of Vienna.
01:02:07Well, try the medical center.
01:02:09Try Schulz's beer garden.
01:02:16No, I don't want to see the mayor.
01:02:18Take the mayor away from me.
01:02:20I want Wallace.
01:02:22Wallace, where are you?
01:02:24Cut out the shenanigans, will you?
01:02:26We haven't got any time to lose.
01:02:28Wallace. Wallace, I'm on fire.
01:02:30Now shut up for a minute and listen to me.
01:02:32Egelhofer is going to be here in 10 or 15 minutes.
01:02:34Egelhofer.
01:02:36Dr. Emil Egelhofer of Vienna.
01:02:38I knew you were faking them.
01:02:40Molly, they were going to arrest me.
01:02:42I couldn't get away.
01:02:44You know, I put the thermometer under the hot water
01:02:46and threw a fit.
01:02:48Oh, Wally, you'd hate me.
01:02:50I knew you'd hate me. I told you.
01:02:52Let's not go into that now.
01:02:54Oh, Egelhofer, you'll expose me again.
01:02:56There's four of them.
01:02:58Keep your head and listen to me.
01:03:00Shut up. Where's the hot water?
01:03:02In there.
01:03:04As if I didn't know.
01:03:06Have you got two thermometers?
01:03:08Three. I've got three.
01:03:10Go on up.
01:03:12You'll never forgive me for what I've done to you.
01:03:14Wally, I want to die on it.
01:03:16I don't want to live another minute.
01:03:18Must have been a lot of fun playing me for the world's prize, chump.
01:03:20Where's the other thermometer?
01:03:22Wallace Cook, king of the boobs.
01:03:24The only genuine horse's neck on the market.
01:03:26I didn't mean it. Really, I didn't mean it.
01:03:28All right, shut up and listen to the greatest sucker in Christendom
01:03:30and listen hard. Egelhofer is coming.
01:03:32With his gang?
01:03:35I'll go to science with him.
01:03:37You know, microscopes and a searchlight.
01:03:39Oh, I'm sunk. I give up.
01:03:41Get out of bed.
01:03:43No, no. Let them arrest me and put me in prison.
01:03:45You won't hate me so much if I'm behind bars.
01:03:47Listen, my dying swan,
01:03:49this is no time to stop faking.
01:03:51You're going to have pneumonia and you're going to have it good.
01:03:53Well, you want me to stand in front of a window and catch cold?
01:03:55No, that would take too long.
01:03:57You've got to raise your pulse to 160.
01:03:59Quick.
01:04:01You've got to have your gasping, panting,
01:04:03You've got five minutes.
01:04:05How?
01:04:07Fight. Fight.
01:04:09Come on, Delilah. Up with your juice.
01:04:11No, I can't. I'm sick of faking and lying.
01:04:13Take that ice pack off your head and fight.
01:04:15No, no. What's the use?
01:04:17Why fool them any longer?
01:04:19Because I love you.
01:04:21Because I'm going to marry you.
01:04:23And I don't want to spend my honeymoon hanging around
01:04:25sing-sing blowing kisses to you in the exercise yard.
01:04:27Come on, stop dogging it.
01:04:29You've got to be bathed in perspiration.
01:04:31Come on, get going, you little crook.
01:04:33Who's a crook?
01:04:35You and your crooked newspaper.
01:04:37Baby, come on, keep moving, snake brains.
01:04:39I'll kill you.
01:04:41Banging at me like I was a prize pig with a blue ribbon on.
01:04:45Oh, blue ribbons on you, baby.
01:04:47Just a big yellow sign marked fake.
01:04:49Huh? I'm a fake, huh?
01:04:51I'm a fake. What are you and that phony Santy Claus
01:04:53Oliver Stone slobbering and drooling all over me?
01:04:55That's for the heroines of history.
01:04:57And that's for your Aunt Mary.
01:04:59Come on, keep moving, my little fraud.
01:05:01I'll never forgive you as long as I live.
01:05:03I won't. I just hate you.
01:05:05I just hate you.
01:05:07Let go of me.
01:05:11I hate you.
01:05:15You're going to have plenty of reason to hate me.
01:05:17I'm going to show you cards and spades and lying
01:05:19for the next 50 years.
01:05:21I'm going to pay you back for every lie you told.
01:05:23I'm going to flirt and lie and cheat and swindle
01:05:25right through to our golden wedding.
01:05:27That's it. That's it. Come on, keep coming.
01:05:29Faster. Faster. Come on.
01:05:31Keep coming. Faster. Faster.
01:05:33Keep swinging. That's it, girl.
01:05:35That's it. What's the matter? Come on.
01:05:37Oh, I'm getting dizzy.
01:05:39Are you? Well, that's fine.
01:05:41That's fine. Now listen to me and listen carefully.
01:05:43When you come to, I want you to remember
01:05:45what I'm saying. What do you mean, come to?
01:05:47I mean when you regain consciousness.
01:05:49I want you to switch thermometers.
01:05:51Put the hot one in your mouth. Do you get me?
01:05:53Yeah, yeah. Let me sock you just once.
01:05:56Just once on the jaw and I don't care what happens.
01:05:58All right, come on.
01:06:00I just heard the elevator door. They're coming.
01:06:02Don't forget about the thermometer.
01:06:04Yeah, yeah. Say goodnight to Papa now.
01:06:06Well, what are you going to do?
01:06:26You put up a nice fight, Wally.
01:06:28You mean to say you saw the whole thing?
01:06:30From the beginning, Mr. Cook.
01:06:32You mean to say you stood there
01:06:34and let me beat up a defenseless woman?
01:06:36I did.
01:06:38I did.
01:06:40I did.
01:06:42I did.
01:06:44I did.
01:06:46I did.
01:06:48I did.
01:06:50I did.
01:06:52I did.
01:06:54You beat up a defenseless woman?
01:06:56I did, Mr. Cook.
01:06:58Where's your sense of chivalry?
01:07:00My chivalry? Aren't you just a trifle confused, Mr. Cook?
01:07:02You hit her.
01:07:04That's entirely different. I love her.
01:07:18Water.
01:07:20Water.
01:07:22I'm so hot.
01:07:24You can cool off now, Hazel.
01:07:26The jig is up.
01:07:28What?
01:07:30The jig is up.
01:07:32You mean to say the whole thing was for nothing?
01:07:34I'm sorry.
01:07:36You thought you could put one over on Oliver Stone, eh?
01:07:38Well, I guess I still know a thing.
01:07:40You keep out of this.
01:07:42Wally.
01:07:44Yes, dear?
01:07:52Oh, Wally.
01:07:54Why, I didn't mean to do it.
01:07:56I didn't mean to do it.
01:07:58I love you.
01:08:00I love you.
01:08:02Miss Flagg, I wonder if you are aware
01:08:04of the traditions of a great newspaper.
01:08:06Do you realize what it means
01:08:08to those who carry aloft the torch of journalism?
01:08:10From the highest editor
01:08:12to the lowest office boy,
01:08:14the lifeblood of a newspaper, Miss Flagg,
01:08:16is its integrity.
01:08:18Am I right, Wally?
01:08:20I wrote that speech for you ten years ago
01:08:22at the Cleveland Convention.
01:08:24You remember?
01:08:26You can both talk all you want.
01:08:28I've made up my mind.
01:08:30You're what?
01:08:32I'm through.
01:08:34What do you mean you're through?
01:08:36I'm going to confess.
01:08:38I'm going back to Warsaw.
01:08:40They love me there.
01:08:42They don't hit me on the jaw
01:08:44and push me in rivers.
01:08:46But you can't confess.
01:08:48To pass on to the people of New York,
01:08:50to the people of the world,
01:08:52your last words.
01:08:54For instance?
01:08:56This is no time for sarcasm, Wally.
01:08:58You got me into this. You get me out.
01:09:00Use your brain. Mine's stunned.
01:09:02Where's Dr. Downer?
01:09:04Where's that weasel-hearted medical?
01:09:06He's been on a toot.
01:09:08We could use him. We could throw him to the wolves.
01:09:10Just when we need him,
01:09:12he isn't here.
01:09:14I got an idea.
01:09:17We can bury her.
01:09:19Like they do in India.
01:09:21You know, like the yogis.
01:09:23We can stick a tube down for her to breathe through
01:09:25and dig her up in the morning with no harm done.
01:09:29You do it!
01:09:31Wally, stop her!
01:09:33I'm a fool!
01:09:35I'm a fool!
01:09:37I'm a fake. I'm a fool.
01:09:39I was never going to die.
01:09:41I never had radium poisoning.
01:09:43I wanted a trip to New York and I got it.
01:09:45I'll take you to New York and go flying!
01:09:47Mr. Stone, is this true?
01:09:49Uh...
01:09:51Yes.
01:09:53Well, this is terrible.
01:09:55Terrible.
01:09:57I endorsed this thing.
01:09:59I sponsored this girl.
01:10:01I gave her the key to the city.
01:10:03And just as an election was coming up...
01:10:05Here's your key.
01:10:07I won't be needing it anymore.
01:10:09Miss Black, I represent
01:10:11100,000 young matrons.
01:10:13I've switched the whole study course
01:10:15from the menace of communism
01:10:17to the inspiration of Hazel Flagg.
01:10:19Miss Flagg, the Girlfriends of the Forest
01:10:21have just organized a Hazel Flagg unit
01:10:23with me as chief ranger.
01:10:25Already we have 4,000 members.
01:10:27If you persist in flaunting
01:10:29your recovery in this flagrant manner,
01:10:31the trees of America
01:10:33will be without girlfriends.
01:10:39Ladies and gentlemen,
01:10:41the Morning Star keeps faith
01:10:43with its readers.
01:10:45This thing must not get out.
01:10:47Oh, let me alone.
01:10:49I wish I really could die.
01:10:51Go someplace by myself and die alone
01:10:53like an elephant!
01:11:11Oh, let me alone.
01:11:41Happy, Mr. Cooke.
01:11:45Ecstatic, Mrs. Cooke.
01:11:47Happy, Mr. Cooke.
01:11:51Ecstatic, Mrs. Cooke.
01:12:01I know what you're going to say.
01:12:03You think I'm Hazel Flagg.
01:12:05I'm Hazel Flagg.
01:12:07I'm Hazel Flagg.
01:12:09I'm Hazel Flagg.
01:12:11I'm Hazel Flagg.
01:12:13I'm Hazel Flagg.
01:12:16You think I'm Hazel Flagg.
01:12:18Well, I'm getting sick and tired of people
01:12:20mistaking me for that fake.
01:12:22Fake? Young woman, how dare you
01:12:24speak of Hazel Flagg as a fake?
01:12:26How dare you slay the memory
01:12:28of one of the most gallant girls
01:12:30that ever lived?
01:12:32Despite you and your kind,
01:12:34the world will never forget Hazel Flagg.
01:12:36That's what I'm afraid of.
01:12:38Don't worry, baby.
01:12:40Two months from now,
01:12:42they won't know who Hazel Flagg was.
01:12:44Darling, you're forgetting that everybody
01:12:46in New York knew me and loved me.
01:12:48Loved me for my courage, my brave smile
01:12:50and the face of...well, after all,
01:12:52I was a pretty important person.
01:12:54Just a flash in the pan of Manhattan.
01:12:56They were beginning to get pretty impatient
01:12:58at the way you were dragging this thing out.
01:13:00That's a lie, and you know it.
01:13:02Why, right now, millions of people
01:13:04are crying just thinking about me.
01:13:06Why don't you get wise to yourself, Hazel?
01:13:08You were just another freak
01:13:10like the bearded lady, uh,
01:13:12Hazel!
01:13:14Yes, Enoch! What is it?
01:13:16Hazel!
01:13:18Hazel!
01:13:22Run for your life!
01:13:24Run for your life!
01:13:26The hotel is flooded!
01:13:28Flooded!
01:13:42THE END