Video Information: 07.06.2023, IIT Kanpur
Context:
~ How to deal with self-doubt?
~ How to tackle self-criticism?
~ Why does one have low self-esteem?
~ Why is there no satisfaction after achievement?
~ Are self-doubt and self-criticism good or bad?
Music Credits: Milind Date
~~~~~
#acharyaprashant
Context:
~ How to deal with self-doubt?
~ How to tackle self-criticism?
~ Why does one have low self-esteem?
~ Why is there no satisfaction after achievement?
~ Are self-doubt and self-criticism good or bad?
Music Credits: Milind Date
~~~~~
#acharyaprashant
Category
📚
LearningTranscript
00:00Greetings to everyone present here. Acharya Prashant is a reward teacher and philosopher,
00:13re-owned for his wisdom and compassion. He has guided millions on the path of self-knowledge
00:19and liberation. A best-selling author of over 100 books, Acharya Prashant is an alumnus
00:26of IIT Delhi and IIM Ahemdabad and a former civil services officer. Once an all-in-the-topper
00:33of CAT examinations, he is now one of the most followed wisdom teachers in the world
00:39with 17 million plus followers across all social media. His teachings place a strong
00:44emphasis on the self-awareness and with his practical approach and compassionate nature,
00:49Acharya Prashant inspires individuals to lead a more authentic life and make a positive
00:55impact in this world. It gives us immense pleasure to host Acharya Prashant. We thank
01:00you, sir, for accepting our invitation and welcome you to interact with the community
01:04of IIT Kanpur. Most welcome. We now pass on the stage to members of Prashant Advait Foundation
01:12to take the session forward. Namaste, Acharya ji. My name is Himanshu Singh and I am a Prime
01:20Minister Research Fellow in IIT Kanpur in my second year right now. I have a question
01:26about self-doubt and self-criticism. I find myself at a very good place. I don't have
01:32any complaints but yet when there are new opportunities or new things are there, either
01:38I don't do it because I believe that I won't be able to do it or if I do it, my self-criticism
01:44overpowers me and says that you are not good enough and you won't be whatever you have
01:48done, it is mere just for the sake of doing it, you haven't excelled in it. So how to
01:56live with this or counter the self-criticism and self-doubt? Thank you.
02:04Self-criticism and self-doubt, both are okay as long as they are just factually seen. It
02:24is one thing to see 2 as 2 and 3 as 3 and it is another thing to look at these very
02:40comparatively. So 2 as 2 is just alright, 3 as 3, 2 is alright. But 2 compared to 500
02:57becomes a matter of concern rather shame. You have to please see that we all are just
03:22processes, we all are material configurations both in body and in mind and all material
03:42has its limits. First of all the material configuration that we are is limited and
03:53secondly it is constantly changing. It is just a process and it is changing as per its
04:06own rules. When you look at yourself not as somebody then it becomes easy to encounter
04:26the fact of who you really are. When you start looking at yourself as if you are somebody
04:38then things get personal. Then starts the game of the ego. The ego says I ought to be
04:48at 500, how am I languishing at 2 or 3? Then several things may happen. One is you become
05:07a bit ashamed of yourself or you start distorting the facts. If you are to see 2 as 2 upon 500,
05:31it's not a pretty thing to look at. So either you stop looking at it, you turn your face
05:37away or you distort the fact itself. You say 2 is not 2, 2 is 200. That's what most people
05:49do. So it's far better to just see things as they are and that's real self-criticism.
06:01To just factually see how things stand and to look at yourself as if you are not you.
06:10Look at yourself in an impersonal way. That's not me. That's just another stream. That's
06:19just another process in Prakriti. That's a constellation of stars. That's the greenery
06:28of the meadows. That's the birds flying over there in a formation. That's not me. Just
06:43as everything else exists in the universe, this thing too exists in the universe and
06:49you are not going to blame the puny grass for not being as tall as the mighty oak. The
07:02grass has its own existence and its own right and its own beauty. Are you getting it? What
07:12is real self-doubt then? Doubt must be with respect to the denominator. How have I started
07:25cultivating this imaginary 500? When it comes to that fraction 2 by 500, doubt the denominator.
07:37The numerator is the fact. From where has the denominator arisen? Who told you that you must
07:46be 500? Who told you that you are 500 and only accidentally have you been able to perform up
07:57to two or three levels this particular time? From where has this 500 arisen? Classically,
08:07that's the fundamental fallacy that the ego wants to cultivate. I am not a thing in Prakriti. Rather,
08:20I am perfection itself. That's what the ego wants to declare. 500 here we are using as a symbol of
08:33perfection. A large number, any large number, 500, 1000, 2000, anything much larger than two or
08:40three. From where has the ego developed this idea? And is there any substance to this idea? What
08:51authority do we have to assume or to demand or to desire that we must be 500 given the way we are?
09:02Two is two and two is the fact of life. Who authorized us to assume and desire that 500
09:16is our reality? Now, that's not a self belittling thought. That's the direct and factual way of
09:29looking at everything including oneself. I look at the grass as the grass and I look at the oak
09:38as the oak without needlessly demanding that the grass must be oak. When there is a passive
09:56observation, factual, honest, non-demanding, non-desirous, then the grass gets to be greener.
10:11Then the grass gets to display all that it really has. And those who have known life have said that
10:25if you allow the grass to really be what it is, then there is something far greater than 500,
10:33not in the grass, but in the observer of the grass. The grass will continue to be grass.
10:48But if you can, with detachment, in an impersonal way, without letting the ego be involved,
10:58just let the grass be. There is a greatness that far exceeds any 500 and a beauty. But
11:12that beauty will be lost and all that you will have is delusions, disappointments,
11:19and to top it all, a falseness. If you keep being very, very demanding of yourself. See,
11:31all that I'm not saying, all that I'm saying is not intended to convince you that betterment
11:42is not possible, that littleness is our destiny. What I'm trying to say is, greatness does
11:53not lie in asking the grass to be the oak. Greatness lies in seeing the grass as the
12:06grass and the oak as the oak and there is a lot within you that is the grass, that is the oak.
12:14Let it function in its own way. In that lies your greatness. You must be the detached observer of
12:29your body, of your mind, of your thoughts, your feelings, of your natural talents. You must see
12:41where they stand and not much can be done to change those things. What, however, must be
12:50changed is your position with respect to those things. There is no need to get entangled with
12:59them. Knowing something is one thing. Getting entangled with that thing is just another matter.
13:09Self-knowledge is possible only if you do not get personal about yourself. You will never get to know
13:21yourself if you place demands upon yourself. Relieve yourself of the demands you place on
13:32yourself. Just see how you function and you will find that a lot of problems in
13:41your internal functioning are getting automatically corrected. Are you getting it?
13:50Greatness does not lie in asking this prakritic machine to perform till infinite levels of
14:07productivity or achievement. This is a limited machine. Even the oak does not have infinite
14:17height. It will never be able to do anything beyond a point. You will always have reasons
14:26for disappointment, especially if the mind works in a comparative way. 2 upon 500 is bad,
14:35500 upon 5 million is worse. So, you look at how your system works and if you can relieve
14:53your system of your expectations, you find that your system starts working beyond your expectations.
15:03If you can just spare life of your demands and your plans, then life is able to display a beauty
15:22to you that's beyond your imagination, demands and planning. Are you getting it? So, as we said,
15:36doubt the denominator, ask the ego, where are your ambitions coming from and why must I bear
15:49the brunt of your burning ambitions? The ego might desire that you must be 7 feet tall. Now,
16:05if you push yourself to achieve that, that would be a lifelong project doomed to just keep failing.
16:15From where are you getting all these desires? Do they have any base in the fact? Are you even
16:28able to see how the body and mind are interlinked and where do all our thoughts and emotions come
16:35from? So, when you have a target in mind, when an instinct rises with great force and starts
16:51presenting itself as just the right thing to do, that's when you must be doubtful. That's the right
17:01role of doubt in life. A thought arises and when a thought arises with all its might, it does not
17:09leave any room for doubt or skepticism or think of feelings. When you are angry or instinctive or
17:21impulsive or any other feeling, just see what it does. Does the feeling say, kindly investigate me
17:30before you follow me? No, the feeling says, I am the truth. Just follow me. That's when you must
17:39be doubtful. From where is this coming? How am I obliged to follow it? Right? And that can be
17:50known only when you look at the whole thing impersonally. Look at this somebody but not as
17:58somebody. I am just looking at how my apparatus functions and then you can initiate new projects
18:11and go a certain distance and then you do not look at what is happening in terms of success or
18:21failure. Then the criteria rather is beauty versus ugliness. Did this happen in a smooth way? Was
18:38there music in it? Then it's not about the dashboard. Was I able to reach at least till
18:48494? Can I claim to others and myself that I am not too distant from 500? No, then that does not
18:57remain the criteria anymore. I often point to people, not once does Krishna assure Arjun in
19:12the Bhagavad Gita that he will be victorious. Victory is not the point at all. 500 or 490 or
19:25470, it's about seeing the situation as it is and doing the right thing and after whatever happens
19:37is alright. The denominator is the result we run after. Don't run after results. Pour yourself
19:51fully into what is right and then let things be. Prakriti has her own way and if I dare say
20:04intelligence, she knows a few things. In fact, a few of her secrets are unknown to us. She knows
20:19much more than we do. So with respect, with love and with detachment just see how things are.
20:29Enter into an action but without a denominator. I am doing this because it is worth doing. I will
20:45not assess myself on how much have I achieved. I would rather assess myself on whether what I did
20:56was worth doing. After that it's 2, 3, 8, 7 or 501. It's all the same. It was good, it was great,
21:10it was joyful, it needed to be done. It was the right thing. I got into it and when I was getting
21:16into it, I could see, I could impartially, neutrally see how there is a lot within me
21:24that conspire against the right thing by raising expectations. That's a sure shot way to avoid
21:41the right. Start expecting results from it. Start thinking of the future. Ask yourself,
21:52even if I do the right thing, what am I going to get out of it? And the moment you entertain
21:58these thoughts, the right one loses its rightness. So I do what is right and then 2, 3, 8, 10,
22:17fine, all that is okay. Let grass be grass, let oak be oak. The ant gets into water,
22:29it wants to swim and then there is the swan and there is also the crocodile and then there are
22:38the fish and there are the buffaloes also. They all swim and they all have their respective ways
22:47of swimming and their speeds and what not. What is important is I needed to get into water and
22:55I didn't avoid the water. After that if I am a swan, if Prakriti has made me like a swan,
23:05I will swim like a swan. If I am a crocodile, so be it. The thing is I needed to jump into it
23:13and there was a lot within me that was agitating. No, no, no, no, no, don't take the leap. I said
23:22no. It needs to be done, I'll do it. And after that everybody said, oh, so awkward do you look.
23:31You have no felicity, you don't swim smoothly like that fish. I said so what. This is what
23:45needed to be done and I have done it and after that it's my Prakriti composition. There are so
23:54many of them that swim so smoothly. My body and my composition does not allow me to be that smooth
24:02or fast in water. To them 500 is just normal. To me it's 2 or 5 or whatever. But where I have
24:20scored 100% is that I needed to do it and I did it. I didn't shy away just because I knew that
24:30I wouldn't be the top performer. What's the point in being the top performer on the land when it's
24:40the waters where you really need to be. Do you understand this? You might be a gifted runner on
24:53the land and it's just a gift. It's a gift from Prakriti and you might be an awkward swimmer in
25:03the waters. But if the waters are where you need to be, then be there irrespective of the result.
25:10Does not matter. You're doing the right thing and that's okay. So criticize not your performance
25:24but your tendency to not to do the right thing. Criticize not your inability to get the right
25:33results but your inability to do the right thing. Do you get the difference? If you needed to be in
25:44the water, one way of criticism is, oh I couldn't swim as fast as the others do. That's not to be
25:54minded. Ignore that. A bigger failure is to keep being safe and dry on the ground when it's the
26:09waters where you need to be and it's possible that on the ground you are a champion, a top
26:17performer and a lot of people do that. They say we'll belong to areas where we can perform. They
26:29say we'll choose a job based on our strengths because that's where we'll be the top performers.
26:35No. Does not matter what your level of performance is. What matters is whether you are at the right
26:45place. Be at the right place. Be at the right place and in that right place you will find your
26:52right little niche. The right place is like a great garden. The grass has as much of its right
27:06and beauty in a great garden as does the oak. Ever seen a garden that only has oaks and no grass?
27:16If the grass starts saying, oh if I go to the garden, I'll be overshadowed by the oak. Then
27:26the grass will say, I rather belong to some other place. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. What
27:33you have is prakriti. What you choose is who you are. If you are not gifted in one particular
27:46direction, that's not at all your fault. But if you do not choose the right things in life,
27:54then that's your fault. How does one choose the right thing in life? See what is it that
28:05gives you freedom? What is it that gives you an inner coolness? You realize this is the right
28:15job, the right place, the right direction. Even if you're not performing greatly, even if the
28:24results are not awesome, you know because in that environment you start seeing things a bit more
28:35clearly. You're not being violent. You're relieving yourself of expectations and you're not burdening
28:45others with violent expectations. Your relationship with others is of a nature that redeems them. So
28:58you start seeing those things. There is a gentle love and that's what you need to do. Unmindful
29:12of the results. Has this gone too abstract? I'm always afraid of that.
29:27I have a very small follow-up. So acknowledging who I am, what I am and what are my limits and
29:34capabilities. If I put myself in a situation where for example because I'm not the only one
29:42who is here in a particular situation, I have the influence of others also around me. Irrespective
29:50of me separating myself from the surrounding or the circumstance or the situation in which I am,
29:58I often feel alone that I want to keep my peace. So I will do what is my job because nothing else
30:10matters because it's a professional place. For example, if we take example of it.
30:16Then due to this what happened is my ability to perform what I was supposed to declines.
30:27Just because I'm feeling lonely or say alone that I'm the only one who's doing this
30:36and even this is not giving the results which at least fulfill it. That okay irrespective of that
30:45I'm alone and I don't have things all right but then the result can compensate for it but even
30:52that is not happening. No, the result will never compensate for the loneliness. In fact the result,
31:00the thirst for the result is much the same as loneliness.
31:09What will compensate for the loneliness is the process of working not the result of the work.
31:19If you are thoroughly immersed in what you are doing,
31:23these two things you will not have space to bother for. A. whether there are others with me,
31:31B. what will be the result of this work. When you are thoroughly immersed in what you are doing,
31:39what you are doing, these two things you fortunately get rid of.
31:46That's the blessing, the reward of choosing to immerse yourself into the right work.
31:54We said A. loneliness disappears because you are fully stuffed. You're marinated
32:05like a sponge in water. You are totally full.
32:13There is no room left anywhere inside you to experience loneliness.
32:23So loneliness is gone. B. because it's the work that matters to you, so concern for result is gone.
32:30And these two are problems that plague entire humanity.
32:36So think of the relief, think of the reward, the blessing.
32:45Those who can choose the right work and give themselves fully to it
32:52are blessed with relief from the two major evils that plague all humanity. Such a fantastic reward.
33:12You look around, people are lonely, and then they fill themselves up with all kinds of rubbish.
33:25Mindless expense of money, entertainment, relationships, intoxicants, ideologies,
33:35dreams. There's so much that we do just to somehow get rid of loneliness.
33:50Think of what kind of extreme blessing is it to not have that loneliness. You will be grateful.
33:58And then concern for the future. This is something that I'm doing today.
34:03What will I get out of it in the future? That's the engine of most people.
34:11And that's what keeps them tense, worried.
34:15A. because your expectations seldom materialize. B. because even if they materialize,
34:22they do not give you what you wanted from them.
34:30So, just give yourself fully to the right thing.
34:36Does not matter how you are performing at it. We are not talking of becoming world beaters here.
34:43We are not talking of becoming world beaters here.
34:48Liberation is not about being supremely competitive and being better than everybody else.
34:56A lot of people take liberation too as a race.
35:02There are a lot of people around, they'll say, oh, I'll be the first one to be enlightened.
35:06No. How greatly you will perform is not in your hands.
35:18But what's in your hands is to give yourself fully.
35:23Think of the mythical squirrel in the Ramayana. What can the poor thing do?
35:32So, she is shown to be carrying just a few particles of sand or something.
35:42The bridge is being constructed. She does not have it in her to contribute beyond a point.
35:51But still, her legend has been immortalized. Why? Because she was doing the right thing.
35:59Because she was doing the right thing. Do the right thing.
36:03And don't compare your performance levels being a squirrel with those of a bear or an elephant
36:13or some other mighty animal. If you are a squirrel, you are a squirrel.
36:20No need to judge yourself on what talents you have,
36:28what life has given you. If there ought to be a judgment,
36:33there can be only one criteria. Did I make the right choices?
36:42Was I true to my love?
36:45One, did I have the wisdom to love the right one? Two, did I have the courage and the fidelity
36:55to stand true to my love? You will be judged only on this,
37:01not on your performance or achievement levels.
37:03Thank you, sir.