Video Information: 02.02.2024, IIT-Hyderabad (Online), Greater Noida
Context:
~ How to end friendships over differences?
~ What is the nicest way to end a friendship?
~ What are 3 signs that indicate it's time to end a friendship?
~ How do you deal with differences in friendship?
~ What is toxic friendship?
~ Is it okay to cut off a friendship?
Music Credits: Milind Date
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Context:
~ How to end friendships over differences?
~ What is the nicest way to end a friendship?
~ What are 3 signs that indicate it's time to end a friendship?
~ How do you deal with differences in friendship?
~ What is toxic friendship?
~ Is it okay to cut off a friendship?
Music Credits: Milind Date
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Category
📚
LearningTranscript
00:00As we grow up, our way of thinking does not align with our friends, we will have contradictions
00:08at many points, we start to hate them, but the way we stick with us, at that time if
00:15you want to break the relationship, she want to break the friendship, how to do that?
00:22So you have friends and then as you move along and spend an year or two, you find that your
00:34thoughts don't align and those differences make you hateful, you said?
00:42Yeah.
00:44And then?
00:47But the way we stick with us.
00:49Yes.
00:50The way we stick with us, they be a friend of us, but they don't want to be as dear friends.
00:57Okay, okay, okay.
01:00So you do not want to be with them anymore, but those friends are still sticking to you.
01:07That's very nice of them actually.
01:16You see, there are, if you may call them rules, certain rules in life.
01:29If you have being with someone in periods of your unconsciousness, then don't just drop
01:46them as you grow more conscious.
01:55If you have been with people in your childhood, if you have played with them, you have been
02:02friends with them, even if in the way of a little child, you have related to them as
02:11kids do, seen kids relate to each other, there's not much wisdom in that.
02:21We cannot say the kids are relating very consciously to each other and the kids will grow up.
02:32So the oracle of life, just invented that, it says that do not drop these people just
02:44because now you feel that you are better than them in some sense.
02:51If you were them in the periods of your inner darkness, try to share the light with them
03:06if and when you receive it, or was the relationship only about sharing darkness?
03:14How about sharing light as well?
03:19So you said your thoughts don't align with them anymore.
03:23I'm assuming that you have developed in your thoughts.
03:29I'm assuming that your thoughts have gained clarity and depth and those of your friends
03:39or peers haven't.
03:42That's a big assumption, first of all, but even if I proceed on that assumption, it becomes
03:49your responsibility to bring to them what you have received.
03:58Try your best.
03:59Now, after that, if they still decide to look the other way, then that's their choice.
04:09But don't just discard them like used stuff.
04:19There was a time when, you know, we tallied and hence we pallied, we conquered in our
04:28thoughts and hence we were pals, no, when two persons walk together for any length of
04:44time, obviously one of them at some point would find himself walking a bit faster.
04:56That's inevitable.
04:59That does not mean that you leave the other one behind.
05:03That also does not mean that you're obliged to carry the other one on your shoulders all
05:07your life.
05:09And even if that person is sitting on your shoulders and beating on your head, no, I'm
05:14not saying that.
05:17I'm not talking of contractual bondage.
05:27What I'm saying is that it's a measure of humanness to try to help people, especially
05:35the people who have been with you when you were younger, less brighter, less conscious.
05:47So it's a thing of discretion and it's a subjective decision you have to make.
05:54You have to ask yourself, have I tried hard enough to somehow save the relationship?
06:08Have I given the relationship its due?
06:11And obviously no relationship carries infinite weightage.
06:18Infinite weightage is only to the one you are.
06:23But still others are not, as we said, objects to be used and trashed.
06:34They deserve a certain sympathy, a certain effort from your side, and an attempt to look
06:45at the world as they do.
06:48You see, we all live in our subjective universes.
06:53Technically that's called the ego.
06:55So we all look at the world in very different ways, depending on where we are located, internally
07:03located.
07:05So it helps to get into the other's mind for a while, to understand the other's frame of
07:13reference and see how that person is looking at the world.
07:18I'm not saying that one frame of reference is better than the other.
07:23No, I'm not saying that you start accepting that person as he or she is and say, fine,
07:32you remain the way you are and you'll still remain dear to me.
07:37Obviously there has been an attempt to educate the other, improve the other, in that sense
07:42change the other.
07:45But no attempt to improve the other can succeed without compassion.
07:51You cannot forcefully change the other, that's violence.
07:57Even if you want to change the other, you have to understand where the other is coming
08:03from and you also have to appreciate that not too long back you were much in the same
08:13position as the other.
08:16So there is no point being condescending or playing holier than thou.
08:25Am I making sense or is it very disconnected to what you have in mind?
08:31No, no, actually the answer is perfect.
08:37But avoid the other extreme as well.
08:39As we said, we are not advocating some kind of moral bondage or permanent obligation.
08:52We are not saying that you have to carry the other on your shoulders, even if he is
08:58unwilling to see change or improve.
09:03At the same time, we are saying don't just throw away people like, you know, banana peels.
09:11The banana is in and the peel is away.
09:15That's not how humans are supposed to operate with each other, right?
09:23Give it a try, give it your best shot and persevere for a while.
09:27Have patience with people.
09:31Nobody changes in an instant, people take their own time.
09:41And they deserve that they be given a certain time to see, think, experience and change
09:53at their own rate.
09:56Thank you, sir.