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00:00I was at the hospital when you were born and the doctor did not say to me, congratulations, you're the father of an eight pound people.
00:06He distinctly said, girl, that's what you are and you should be proud of it.
00:10I prefer to think I'm a person.
00:13Does this look like a person's room? Now look around, Alice. Pink is not for people.
00:18Daddy, all I'm saying is that the differences don't matter anymore.
00:22I'll believe that when I see a restroom marked, to whom it may concern.
00:31I love my mom and dad and my brothers too and the groovy way we get along.
00:38Every time the slightest little thing goes wrong, mom starts to sing this familiar song.
00:44Wait till your father gets, until your father gets, wait till your father gets home.
00:50Dad's not so bad and he seldom gets mad.
00:53And we aren't about to desert him.
00:56Kids today like to have their own way and what daddy doesn't know won't hurt him.
01:02I think my mom's just swell.
01:04But she starts to yell.
01:06Every time we have a fight.
01:08Just wait till your father gets, until your father gets, wait till your father gets home.
01:14See what I mean? Wait till your father gets home.
01:17We know.
01:27Oh, what a day.
01:31Hi everybody.
01:33Hi daddy dear.
01:35Oh, you must be so tired.
01:38Oh, let me take that.
01:40I'll put a pillow in your easy chair.
01:44Welcome home sweetheart.
01:46I made martinis for you.
01:52No mistake, this is my house alright.
01:54Ok, which one of you smashed up the car?
01:56Oh, Harry.
01:58But you couldn't have, I've had the car.
02:00You're overdrawn at the bank.
02:02Now how much is it this time Irma?
02:03Everything's fine dear, we're just glad to see you.
02:06Why are you so suspicious?
02:08Because the last time you were this glad to see me, your mother moved in for six weeks.
02:12Hi gang, look what I found.
02:14The latest out...
02:17A pillow? Martinis?
02:19When's grandma coming?
02:21Chad, that's not funny.
02:23Irma, I can't stand the suspense.
02:25Now why am I getting a red carpet treatment?
02:27Oh, now I get it.
02:29You've been trying to tell me that Alice has started smoking.
02:31Oh, I was just lighting it for you.
02:33Here, sweet, lovable, understanding daddy.
02:40My, doesn't that smell good.
02:44I thought you hated my pipe.
02:46No, no, I...
02:48I love it.
02:51Whatever's happened, it's worse than I thought.
02:53We've got termites.
02:55You sign me up with the PTA.
02:57Oh, come on Harry, nothing's wrong.
02:59Relax.
03:01Finish up the martinis before they get cold.
03:05Hi everybody, supper ready?
03:07In a few more minutes.
03:09We're having your favorite, roast beef.
03:11Roast beef?
03:12What happened mom, did you smash up the car?
03:14Of course not.
03:16It's weird, grandma's not on her way either.
03:19Roast beef, huh? But isn't that kind of extravagant?
03:21Not really.
03:23We found this very reasonable little butcher shop near the surplus store
03:26where we got an army poncho for Alice to take to the all-night rock concert.
03:30Now, would you like mushroom gravy or horseradish with your roast?
03:34Now hold it, hold it, what was that again?
03:36Mushroom gravy or horseradish?
03:37No, no, no, before that.
03:39Oh, you mean the surplus store?
03:41Well, it's called...
03:42No, I mean the part after the surplus store and before the mushroom gravy.
03:47Well, there's this all-night rock concert that Alice wants to go to.
03:52Nice try mom, you almost slid it past her.
03:56Grandma, honey, why didn't you just come right out and ask me if she could go?
04:00We're adults, I'm a reasonable person.
04:02You don't have to butter me up with all this.
04:04I was afraid you'd say no without hearing both sides.
04:08Honey, now you know me better than that.
04:11Then I can go?
04:13Absolutely not.
04:16Oh please daddy, you'll be the only person in the whole world who won't be there.
04:20Not quite, I won't be there either.
04:23Really papa, everybody is going.
04:25Name one everybody.
04:27Kelly Matthews is going, her father approves.
04:30He does? Are you sure? He's a pretty steady character.
04:33So, before you say no, talk to him about it.
04:36Please papa, don't be an old stick in the mud.
04:39He's read every book written on teenage psychology.
04:43You might learn some facts.
04:44There are no facts.
04:45A teenager is just a big appetite surrounded by contradictions.
04:49I don't have to talk to Mr. Matthews.
04:51So what if I am a stick in the mud?
04:53Either we talk to Mr. Matthews after dinner, or stick in the mud is what you're having for dinner.
05:02Oh, it's all here in the books.
05:04How to raise a child, how to raise a teenager.
05:07Mr. Matthews, the only book I want is
05:09How to raise the roof when your daughter wants to stay out all night.
05:12Oh, dear me, no, dear me, no.
05:14Oh, that would be wrong.
05:16The experts say that teenagers should be given freedom to do as they please.
05:20Well, those experts shouldn't be given the freedom to talk so crazy.
05:23Oh, it's not crazy, not crazy, no.
05:2547 books are for more freedom, and only 9 books are against it.
05:30That's pretty convincing, Harry.
05:32I bet the 47 books for freedom are all written by bachelors.
05:36Hi, Mrs. Boyle. Hi, Mr. Boyle.
05:38Hello, Kelly.
05:39Oh, come on in, come on in, come on in, my dear.
05:41I can't stay. I just wanted to say hello.
05:43I'm trying to clean up the kitchen and finish my homework
05:45so I'll have time to straighten out the garage before bedtime.
05:49I can't believe it.
05:50That horseradish must have affected my Harry.
05:52You heard it right, Harry.
05:54That's the kind of child you get by giving more freedom.
05:57Well, I still don't like the idea of Alice going to an all-night rock concert.
06:01I stayed out all night when you took me to the senior prom.
06:04Well, that's different. I could be trusted.
06:06You could not.
06:07You see what I mean?
06:08Harry, she's a sensible girl.
06:11Who's she going with?
06:12Well, nobody's asked her yet.
06:14You mean she hasn't got a date and the concert's this Sunday?
06:18That's right.
06:19You know, maybe we should go along with Mr. Matthews and his liberated library
06:25and give Alice more freedom, huh?
06:32What's the trouble, dear? You seem jumpy.
06:34Well, it always makes me nervous.
06:37Harry, I've got to talk to you.
06:39Not only important, but it's also vital.
06:41Okay. I'll be right in, Irma.
06:43And let me tell Alice she can go to the rock concert, okay?
06:46Okay. Good night, Ralph.
06:49You've been in old weirdo Matthews' house, haven't you?
06:52So what?
06:53Those eggheads are dangerous, Harry.
06:55He's got books in there, whole walls full of them.
06:58And not good American paperbacks like your Mickey Spillane.
07:01But that liberal hardcover stuff.
07:03Sing the first four bars of the Star Spangled Banner.
07:05But I can't.
07:06Then he did brainwash you.
07:08Ralph, I was at the ballpark last night
07:10and there were 20,000 other people there who couldn't sing that song either.
07:13It is possible to be a good American but a lousy soprano.
07:16But no good American would let his daughter go to a rock concert.
07:20Those are planned in Moscow, you know that, don't you?
07:22Ah, they're part of a commie plot, right?
07:24Right, right, you're right. The starvest to death.
07:26Rock concerts will starvest to death?
07:28Look, I'm telling you.
07:30Ralph, I think you're losing a little of your topsoil, too.
07:33But your Alice is going to one, I heard you say so.
07:35Wrong. I didn't say she was going. I said she could go.
07:39Oh, that's pretty clever, Harry.
07:43I don't get it.
07:44Simple. I'll tell her she can go.
07:46I'll tell her she can go.
07:47I'll tell her she can go.
07:48I'll tell her she can go.
07:49I'll tell her she can go.
07:50I'll tell her she can go.
07:51I'll tell her she can go.
07:52I'll tell her she can go.
07:53I'll tell her she can go.
07:54I'll tell her she can go.
07:55I'll tell her she can go.
07:56I'll tell her she can go.
07:57I'll tell her she can go.
07:58I'll tell her she can go.
07:59That makes me a hero.
08:00But since it's only three days away, no boy's going to ask her this late.
08:04So she won't go.
08:05Problem over.
08:06And I'm still aces for being a permissive parent.
08:12Oh, Papa, thank you.
08:13You see? I'm not a close-minded old stick-in-the-mud.
08:17I still think we should get it in writing.
08:19I, uh, understand you don't have a date yet.
08:22That's right.
08:23Well, that's nothing to worry about.
08:25I suppose there are lots of boys left who intend to invite a girl.
08:28This late? Hardly any.
08:30Maybe none at all.
08:31Really?
08:32Oh, what a shame.
08:33Oh, it's no problem.
08:34No problem at all.
08:37How could she be so sure a boy will call her?
08:39So, you only said she could go because you were sure no one would ask her.
08:44Well, you forgot one little thing.
08:46I didn't forget any little thing.
08:48But there's something fishy here.
08:52You're putting your hair up in curlers?
08:54Oh, that sounds groovy, Francis.
08:56I can hardly wait to see it.
08:58Is Francis one of Alice's new girlfriends?
09:00Not exactly.
09:01Francis is a boy.
09:03A boy?
09:04But how could he have called her so quickly?
09:06I didn't even hear the phone ring.
09:08It didn't.
09:09She called him.
09:10That's the little thing you forgot.
09:13Listen, why I called Francis,
09:15I have two tickets to the rock concert,
09:17and I'd love to have you go with me.
09:19Great.
09:20Pick me up about eight in your groovy van.
09:23What is this?
09:24Papa, you've been eavesdropping.
09:27Eavesdropping nothing.
09:28I've been standing right there listening.
09:30Alice, girls don't ask boys.
09:32Boys ask girls.
09:33Right, Irma?
09:34In today's generation,
09:36we are not polarized into boys and girls.
09:38We're people.
09:40Now, look, I was at the hospital when...
09:43...say to me,
09:44Congratulations, you're the father of an eight-pound people.
09:47He distinctly said,
09:48Girl, that's what you are, and you should be proud of it.
09:51I prefer to think I'm a person.
09:53Does this look like a person's room?
09:55Now, look around, Alice.
09:56Pink is not for people.
09:58Daddy, all I'm saying is that the differences don't matter anymore.
10:02I'll believe that when I see a restroom marked
10:04to whom it may concern.
10:07Girls do ask boys out, and it's okay.
10:09Ask Mr. Matthews.
10:10Why not give him a call, Harry?
10:12I mean, whatever he's doing,
10:14you saw how it was working wonders with his daughter.
10:17Remember what you said,
10:18that you weren't a closed-minded stick in the mud?
10:20That you remember.
10:21But not when I say,
10:22clean your room or turn out some lights.
10:26Oh, the experts are in favor of it, Mr. Boyle.
10:29Forty-one to seven say it's quite acceptable
10:31for girls to ask boys for dates.
10:34What happened to the good old days
10:36when men were men and women were women?
10:38Someone invented slacks.
10:40The feeling today seems to be
10:42that both girls and boys are people.
10:44Maybe girls are, but boys definitely are not people.
10:48They're animals.
10:49I know. I was one.
10:52Oh, we've got to move with the times, Mr. Boyle.
10:55I suppose.
10:56But thanks for your time.
10:58What do you think, Harry?
11:00Well, since you've already asked them, okay.
11:03I'll go along with the experts.
11:05Oh, thank you, Father.
11:07I'm worthy of your trust, you'll see.
11:09I guess it's about time we became modern, permissive parents.
11:13Who are you calling now?
11:15Dial a prayer.
11:18Alice?
11:20When do we get to meet this boy you've asked out?
11:22Meet him?
11:23You know, he says, how do you do, Mr. Boyle?
11:25And I say, how are you, Francis?
11:27You know, meet him.
11:29But why is that necessary?
11:30You never ask to meet the girls Chet takes out.
11:33Well, that's different. I'm a boy.
11:35You're a person.
11:37Well, the jury's still out on that.
11:40I should be entitled to the same rights as Chet.
11:43Okay, you got him.
11:44Chet doesn't ask boys.
11:45From now on, you don't either.
11:47Score!
11:48Pop one, Alice nothing.
11:49You know what I mean.
11:50I just want the same standing as Chet.
11:53I see.
11:54You want to drop out of school and get unemployment checks.
11:57Hey, I didn't know I could get unemployment checks.
12:00Actually, you can't.
12:01First, you have to find some work to be out of.
12:04I still don't see why you insist on approving of my friends.
12:08Look, honey.
12:09Despite all the psychology books and modern thinking,
12:12there still is a good reason for parents to be more protective of daughters.
12:15That's one thing for a boy to sow his wild oats, but not a girl.
12:19But when Chet goes out sowing, isn't somebody's daughter with him?
12:23Sure, but that's her father's problem.
12:27We'll get a chance to meet Francis when he picks up Alice the night of the concert.
12:31I'm really not too good at judging a boy's character just by the sound of his horn honking out front.
12:36Couldn't you ask him to come by and meet us before that?
12:40I die of embarrassment.
12:42Relax, Pop. I've met Francis. He's okay.
12:46Although a little strange.
12:47A little strange?
12:48Yeah, he's got a job.
12:50Every Saturday he works at the supermarket.
12:52That Chet.
12:53Anybody gainfully employed is automatically a creature from the Black Lagoon.
12:59If that's a girl for me, I'm not here.
13:02It's Hal.
13:03You told him you were going to the hardware store.
13:06He'd like to know if he can go with you.
13:08Tell him only if he can sing the Star Spangled Banner.
13:14Boy, girls asking boys. That's pure pink thinking, Harry.
13:17It's un-American.
13:18How do you figure?
13:19Don't you see? It's their opening wedge.
13:21If they can make girls seem like boys,
13:23next they'll be making poor seem like rich and black seem like white.
13:27Pretty soon we're all equal and we have no democracy left.
13:29Beautiful.
13:30Actually, Francis is probably a decent boy.
13:33He works at the supermarket Saturdays.
13:36Hey, that's today.
13:38I'll stop over there now and look him over.
13:40I'll give you a cover and fire from the checkout stand.
13:45But how will we know which kid is Francis?
13:47Just look for the first bag boy, you see, with his hair up and curlers.
13:51So, you're going to the rock concert, huh, Francis?
13:53It'll be just the place to take Suzy.
13:55Suzy? I thought you were going with Alice Boyle.
13:58I am. Suzy's my camper van I just fixed up.
14:01Hey, that must be Curly Top over there.
14:03Sounds neat, Fran.
14:04That one's Fran since Alice's date.
14:06Yeah, that Suzy's really something.
14:09I really flipped from the minute I saw her.
14:11Hear that? Suzy. He's got another girl.
14:15What's she like?
14:16Real great shape. Built for comfort.
14:18She'll go anywhere, anytime and economical.
14:20I can get her totally tanked up for less than three bucks.
14:23I'd like to see her.
14:25Come on, she's out in the parking lot.
14:27She's 12 years old, but you'd never guess it.
14:31A tanked up 12-year-old.
14:33It's a good thing I came by.
14:35When Alice hears about the kind of girls this kid...
14:37Where you going?
14:38Parking lot. I gotta see this Suzy, too.
14:42There she is. Good old Suzy.
14:46Oh, he was just talking about his van.
14:50Hey, how about that?
14:51I knew her all the time.
14:53Sure, sure.
14:54Anyway, he seems like a nice enough kid.
14:56I won't have to worry about Alice being with him.
14:58The outside isn't much, but check this.
15:01Stereo music, blackout curtains and a great big soft groovy sofa.
15:06Wow!
15:07Wow is right.
15:09Your daughter's going out in that.
15:11Now you see what I meant, Harry, when I voted against bussing?
15:16Stereo, blackout curtains and a couch?
15:19That's what happens when you're modern and let your daughter make dates.
15:23She ends up with a kinky delinquent in an upholstered truck.
15:26But what can we do?
15:28We did promise her she could go.
15:30So we'll unpromise her.
15:32She'll think we don't trust her.
15:34Right on.
15:35Harry.
15:37I got it.
15:38I'll find her another fellow.
15:40Oh, and such a handsome, clean-cut, clean-living boy.
15:44She'll change a date herself.
15:46I thought Pat Boone was married.
15:52Chet, remember that friend of yours,
15:54the one who was your senior patrol leader in the Boy Scouts?
15:57Percy Upshaw?
15:58Is he still around?
15:59He didn't let his hair grow long, did he?
16:01No, he never got with it.
16:03Great!
16:04I'm trying to get Alice another boyfriend so she'll forget Francis.
16:07Do you think Percy might come over here tonight?
16:09He doesn't go out Saturday nights.
16:11He has to be up early Sunday.
16:12He's a priest.
16:15Pop, I know a great date for Alice.
16:17Jeff Roberts.
16:18He's a real clean-living square.
16:20He's also only nine years old.
16:22He wouldn't come up to Alice's kneecap.
16:24She could crouch a lot.
16:25Thanks, but I don't think Alice would want to ride to the concert on training wheels.
16:30Gary, you can't go fishing for boys like that.
16:33What am I supposed to do?
16:34Look at the yellow pages under good guys?
16:36Just forget it.
16:38Now, did you get that rake for me at the hardware store?
16:41Oh, I never did get there.
16:43I'll go now.
16:44Remember, if a camper van shows up here,
16:46lock Alice in her room.
16:51May I help you, sir?
16:52Yes, I was looking for a...
16:53Do you see anything you like?
16:55I sure do.
16:58Harry Boyle!
17:00Herb Johnson!
17:01When did you move back into town?
17:03Just last week.
17:04Alpha, beta, epsilon, sigma, theta!
17:09Hey, JJ, this is Mr. Harry Boyle, my old fraternity brother.
17:13Harry, my son JJ.
17:15He works here on Saturdays.
17:16Your son?
17:17You mean this is the son of the president of the class of 46?
17:20The son of the football captain?
17:22The son of the man most likely to succeed?
17:24Ah, those honors are nothing compared to JJ's.
17:27Really?
17:28Herb, can I talk to you for a minute?
17:30Harry, no offense, but I already gave to the alumni fund.
17:34Oh, I don't want your money.
17:36I want your son.
17:39It must be frightening to you, Herman,
17:40to realize that you're married to a genius.
17:42Alice won't like you picking out her dates, Harry.
17:45She won't even know what's going on.
17:47Herb is sending his son over tonight to deliver a rake.
17:50One I forgot to pick up.
17:52Just one look at JJ,
17:53and she'll forget all about that no-good Francis
17:55and his low-led love buggy.
17:57But can't we leave it to Alice?
17:59She's not a little girl anymore.
18:01Well, that's exactly my point.
18:02Alice is at the age where the boy she meets now
18:05just could be the person she'll spend the rest of her life with.
18:08Now, we can't leave an important decision like that to a 16-year-old.
18:11But she should have something to say about it.
18:14And I am not sharing the family plot
18:16with a curly-haired delinquent
18:17who drives around in a four-wheel flophouse.
18:21Now you'll see the kind of boy she should be going with.
18:25I'm worried about this.
18:27Honey, Alice may be hep on some things,
18:29but when it comes to picking out boys,
18:31Papa knows best.
18:33Good evening, Mr. Boyle.
18:35Hi, Jay.
18:36Alice!
18:37Come on down and see my new rake.
18:41And let her be...
18:42That's JJ's father.
18:43Caught the pass and we won the game.
18:45How nice.
18:46Yeah.
18:47Hey, say, it's still early.
18:49Why don't you two kids go get a soda somewhere on me?
18:52For old time's sake.
18:53But Alice may have other plans.
18:55She doesn't.
18:56You're in luck.
18:57We all are.
19:00He's not a boy.
19:01He's a person.
19:02Remember?
19:03Besides, you don't have to know him.
19:04I know his father.
19:05Actually, I was going to go to the library tonight.
19:08Oh, fine idea.
19:10Alice is practically 100% bookworm.
19:16It still looks like meddling to me.
19:18I'm only making sure my daughter gets a real high-class fellow.
19:22Just like your father did when he sent you out with me.
19:27I don't get it.
19:28I never took a date to the library.
19:30That's because you don't even know her it is.
19:32Doesn't sound like much of a ball to me either.
19:34She'd probably have more fun with Jeff Roberts.
19:37Training wheels and all.
19:40That looks like Alice coming up the walk now.
19:43What a nice feeling to know your daughter has spent an evening of culture and refinement.
19:51So that's it.
19:52She ditched JJ and went out with him.
19:54When I get through with you, Curly, you'll need that woodwob boss for a hearse.
19:59Papa, you don't understand.
20:01Francis was the one who saved me.
20:03JJ didn't take me to the library.
20:05He took me to the drive-in movie, and it's closed tonight.
20:08I saw them go in, so I followed.
20:10That JJ is bad news.
20:12That's why his family always has to keep moving.
20:16Come in, Francis.
20:17Alice, you go tidy up.
20:19Harry, the kitchen.
20:21We're not going to meddle anymore, right?
20:24Right.
20:25Alice can judge who to go out with, right?
20:28Right.
20:29It's all my fault.
20:30No, it's my fault.
20:32I should have known it would happen.
20:34Again.
20:35Again?
20:37Rappelez-vous, c'est comme ça que vous avez essayé de vous comporter
20:40quand mon père m'a fait sortir avec vous.
20:46Oh, Mr. et Mme Boyle.
20:48Oh, j'aimerais que vous rencontriez ma femme, Sue.
20:51Comment allez-vous?
20:52Qu'est-ce que je peux faire pour vous?
20:54Franchement, nous sommes confus.
20:56Nous avons essayé de suivre tous les conseils que vous nous avez donnés de vos experts.
21:00Je veux dire, pourquoi ça ne marche pas avec Alice comme avec votre Kelly?
21:04Qu'est-ce que vous leur avez dit?
21:06Nous ne nourrissons pas notre fille par ces livres stupides.
21:09Vous ne le dites pas?
21:10Fourailles ici lit tout ce bâton.
21:12Mais je dis à Kelly ce qu'elle doit faire.
21:14Et si elle ne le fait pas...
21:16Pow!