Best Seller Romance Series Book 3 Part 1/6

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Best Seller Romance Series Book 3 Best Seller Romance Series Book 3 Part 1/6

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00:00:00I should have known better than to take a shortcut through the kitchen.

00:00:27The smell of ground beef sizzling on the stove ought to have been warning enough to find

00:00:31an alternate route.

00:00:33Dinner preparations were underway, and if I were spotted wandering through, there'd

00:00:37be no escape.

00:00:39Mom always had a long list of chores to dole out to those stupid enough to get caught.

00:00:44And with the crappy day I'd had, I was determined not to let that happen.

00:00:49Channeling my inner feline, I silently rotated and stealthily crept back toward the door

00:00:54I'd just traveled through.

00:00:56Oh, good, Emma, Mom said, relief evident in her overworked voice.

00:01:03Don't look up.

00:01:04Avoid eye contact of any kind.

00:01:06Fiddling with my MP3 player, I hoped the earphones in my ears would fool her into thinking I

00:01:11hadn't heard my name being called.

00:01:14A getaway, however ugly, was still possible.

00:01:18I know you can hear me.

00:01:20It was a shameless bluff.

00:01:22Unless she'd crawled into my ears, there was no way my mother could know for sure that

00:01:26I'd heard her.

00:01:27The door was a step away.

00:01:29I could still make it if I tried.

00:01:31Emma!

00:01:33Do I need to take your CD player away?

00:01:36I stopped dead in my tracks, veins pulsing in response to my mother's ignorant threat.

00:01:41How many times did I have to tell her it was an MP3 player?

00:01:45It wasn't the 1990s, for God's sake.

00:01:48What is it?

00:01:49I asked curtly, purposely averting my eyes because I knew it annoyed her.

00:01:54If she detected my snooty, sixteen-year-old-girl tone, my mother wisely chose to ignore it.

00:02:00Lately, it seemed, I was a hornet's nest just begging to be poked.

00:02:05I didn't enjoy the anger that slowly simmered inside, and at times I felt powerless to control

00:02:11it.

00:02:12My parents blamed my impatience on hormones.

00:02:15I blamed it on their banal nettling.

00:02:18Can you please set the table for me?

00:02:21Heat burned my cheeks.

00:02:23I wanted to stomp my feet in protest.

00:02:26Why did every little thing out of her mouth set me off?

00:02:29Had she always been such a controlling dictator, or was this a recent development?

00:02:34Obviously my mother was too self-absorbed to care that I had bigger issues that needed

00:02:39addressing.

00:02:40Namely, my ex-best friend, Kara, openly crushing on the guy I liked.

00:02:46Talk about a conniving little slut.

00:02:48She knew how I felt about Drake, listening to hours upon hours of my blubbery declarations

00:02:53of love.

00:02:55How could I not have seen Kara deviously plotting her deception?

00:02:58A wicked smile formed on my double-crossed lips.

00:03:02No one messed with Emma McAllister and lived to tell about it.

00:03:06By tomorrow morning, my former best friend would be systematically annihilated.

00:03:12Why can't one of the boys do it?

00:03:14I didn't ask one of the boys.

00:03:16I asked you.

00:03:17"'Because I'm a girl?'

00:03:19I said, all sass.

00:03:21"'No, because you're a part of this family, and I need help.'

00:03:24"'No, because I walked through the kitchen at the wrong damn time, and I'm a girl.'

00:03:30I let out an exaggerated sigh of displeasure.

00:03:33There was no point in arguing, since my mother was a world-class nagger.

00:03:38She'd just follow me around bitching and complaining until I did what she wanted, so I might as

00:03:42well get it over with now.

00:03:44Kara would have to wait for her punishment, but she would not be spared.

00:03:48"'Fine, but I'm not clearing the table afterward!'

00:03:52Mom didn't answer, other than to roll her eyes and mumble something I couldn't hear.

00:03:57I went to the cupboard and pulled down the plates, eight in all.

00:04:01Only a couple of them matched.

00:04:03Over the years some would break, and Mom would buy new ones to replace them.

00:04:08But my mother always bought different patterns because, in her words, she "'wanted to mix

00:04:12it up.'

00:04:13So new designs would be mixed with old, and fruit themes would be sitting side by side

00:04:18with floral ones.

00:04:20I completed my chore and then looked down at the finished product.

00:04:24Four different style plates, five different size cups, and hastily placed silverware.

00:04:30Even the napkins weren't folded ornamentally like in the magazines.

00:04:34Ours were just lying limply next to the plate.

00:04:38I shook my head, struggling to contain my irritation.

00:04:42I had recently developed an aversion to anything mismatched.

00:04:46For me, everything had a place and purpose, complementing each other whenever possible.

00:04:52Mom didn't see it my way.

00:04:54In fact, when I brought up the issue to her recently, she'd instantly turned hostile and

00:04:58alleged she didn't have time to worry about insignificant stuff like that.

00:05:03Jeez, she didn't have to be so testy.

00:05:06When I was younger, the slack attitude towards societal guidelines hadn't bothered me as

00:05:10much.

00:05:11But now that I was sixteen, and chaos surrounded me at every turn of a corner, I sometimes

00:05:17fantasized about coming home to a different family, a fancier, more cultured one, or at

00:05:23least one that cared about the natural order of things.

00:05:26Someday, when I was a mom, I was going to have it all together.

00:05:30My table would be immaculate, and I also wouldn't be recycling the same eight tired dinners

00:05:35over and over for the rest of my life.

00:05:38My rich husband would provide for swankier meals, like—well, I didn't know any swankier

00:05:43meals, but someday I would.

00:05:46And those would be served on a pretty table with folded napkins and matching plates.

00:05:51My baby sister burst into the kitchen, her shiny blonde hair trailing her like a cape.

00:05:57Before I knew what was happening, she'd latched onto my leg like a blood-sucking tick.

00:06:02"'Grace,' I said, mumbling as I shook my leg in irritation and attempted to unfasten her.

00:06:08"'Get off!'

00:06:10"'No, I love you!'

00:06:12My sister squished her defiant little face harder into my flesh.

00:06:17Love was not why she was clinging to me now.

00:06:20Gracie was just being her insufferable five-year-old self.

00:06:24I tried to pry her off me, but the pint-sized brat wouldn't detach.

00:06:28"'Let go!'

00:06:30"'Mom!'

00:06:31"'Tell her to get off!'

00:06:32"'Grace, leave your sister alone,' Mom said, but not with the urgency the situation clearly

00:06:38called for.

00:06:39"'No, I love her!

00:06:42I won't let go, ever!'

00:06:44"'Oh, but you will.

00:06:46Maybe Mom didn't think it was imperative to act swiftly to extinguish such bratty behavior,

00:06:51but I, for one, would not stand for it.

00:06:54"'Get off!'

00:06:56I hissed, before grabbing a handful of my sister's soft, silky baby hair and yanking.

00:07:02Grace screamed and instantly disengaged.

00:07:05Bolting to safety, she buried her head in Mom's leg instead of mine.

00:07:09Good riddance.

00:07:11"'Emma!'

00:07:12Mom screeched.

00:07:13"'What's wrong with you?'

00:07:15"'Me?'

00:07:17I asked indignantly.

00:07:19I warned her.

00:07:20"'So you think it's fine to resort to violence when you don't get your way?'

00:07:24"'In this particular situation,' I said, crossing my arms angrily and standing my shaky

00:07:31ground.

00:07:32"'Yes, I do.'

00:07:34"'Well, that's not the way it's done in this house,' Mom said, through gritted teeth.

00:07:39"'Give me that CD player and go to your room.'

00:07:42"'Ah!

00:07:43It's an MP3 player!'

00:07:46I screamed, slamming the electronic device into her open palm before stomping off in

00:07:52a display of blistering outrage.

00:07:55On my way down the narrow hallway, I crossed paths with my older brother Keith.

00:08:00It was obvious he was about to make some snarky comment, but he thought better of it as he

00:08:04caught sight of my expression.

00:08:07Keith wisely flattened himself against the wall as I passed.

00:08:10Good choice.

00:08:12Finally at the threshold of my sanctuary, I gripped the side of my door and slammed

00:08:17it with enough force to ensure every person in the house could fully appreciate my fury.

00:08:23Even the mirror hanging on the back of my door was not spared.

00:08:26It swung out and violently crashed into the wall.

00:08:30So intense were my emotions that tears formed in my eyes.

00:08:34A nagging guilt tugged at me, but I stubbornly pushed it aside.

00:08:39It was exhausting being this angry all the time.

00:08:42Why couldn't everyone just back off and leave me alone?

00:08:46It was like they wanted to rile me up.

00:08:48Dramatically, I flung myself on my bed and spent the next hour or so of my spiteful existence

00:08:54spinning a web of deceit for Kara to fall into, complete with a written outline of how

00:08:59I wanted things to go down.

00:09:01She might get Drake, but that was all she'd get.

00:09:05By the next morning, if everything went as planned, Kara wouldn't have a friend to speak of.

00:09:13The smell of dinner that had been wafting through the confines of our cramped five-bedroom

00:09:17home was now gone.

00:09:19I wondered if Mom had not called me to eat because of what I'd done to Grace.

00:09:24I probably shouldn't have pulled her hair, but a girl can only take so much.

00:09:29I hated having so many damn kids running around the house.

00:09:33Nobody bothered to ask me if I wanted any more siblings.

00:09:37My stomach rumbled as I reluctantly opened my door and made my way down the hall, knowing

00:09:43I was probably going to get screamed at.

00:09:45I readied my response.

00:09:47I was planning to go the sympathy route.

00:09:50Usually if I threw the whole, you never have time for me anymore in my parents' faces,

00:09:55their guilt kept my punishment light.

00:09:58But when I walked into the kitchen, our dinner was just sitting on the table getting cold.

00:10:03Mom was pacing back and forth, her face pinched in irritation and her fingers tapped nervously

00:10:08on the counter.

00:10:10Why aren't we eating?

00:10:11I asked.

00:10:13Because the boys aren't home yet.

00:10:15Dad's been out looking for them for the past hour.

00:10:17They weren't at the skate park.

00:10:19Oh.

00:10:21I blew the tension out of my lungs.

00:10:23There was nothing that got me off the hook faster than one of the boys doing something

00:10:27stupid.

00:10:28Luckily, I could always count on Kyle to be an idiot.

00:10:32So should the rest of us just eat then?

00:10:34I asked, indifferent to my mom's obvious distress.

00:10:37No, we'll wait for dad to get home with the boys, she said in a clipped tone.

00:10:43And don't think we aren't going to discuss your behavior, Emma.

00:10:46You need to control her better, I spat the words from my mouth.

00:10:51And you need to start acting like a human being instead of a spoiled snot.

00:10:56The sound of tires rolling over cement caught our attention.

00:10:59Mom's back tightened as she opened the door.

00:11:02Did you find them?

00:11:03She called to him, her voice catching in her throat.

00:11:07No.

00:11:08Mom's eyes widened as her skin slowly faded to an ashen white.

00:11:13Where could they be?

00:11:15Dad lumbered into the kitchen, each step more distressed than the next.

00:11:19I'm telling you, Michelle, I have no idea.

00:11:22I've gone everywhere.

00:11:24I stopped by Drew's and Jason's and Peter's.

00:11:27None of them have seen the boys, and all three were at the skate park when Jake and Kyle

00:11:31were supposed to be there.

00:11:33Something's not right.

00:11:35I'm actually getting worried.

00:11:37It's not like them, she said, more to herself than to my father.

00:11:42They know better than to be out past dark.

00:11:45I glanced between my worried parents, completely unconcerned about my brothers.

00:11:50They were making a big deal out of nothing.

00:11:52Those boys were always into something.

00:11:55I was hungry.

00:11:56When exactly was Mom planning on serving dinner?

00:12:00I'm going to call around and see if any of their other friends have seen them.

00:12:04His brows furrowing, Dad absently nodded.

00:12:07His thoughts were far away as he pulled his baseball cap off his head and drew in deep,

00:12:12calming breaths.

00:12:14Perhaps sensing me staring, Dad caught my eye and his pained gaze startled me.

00:12:19My father was the happy-go-lucky type, not the overly dramatic worrier, but the look

00:12:24on his face was clear.

00:12:26He was scared.

00:12:28And that, in turn, caused me to shift in my chair and experience the first prickly sensation

00:12:33that something bad might actually have happened.

00:12:36I checked the clock.

00:12:37It was almost eight.

00:12:39I'd been so wrapped up in preparing Kara's funeral that I hadn't realized so much time

00:12:43had passed.

00:12:45With Kyle being twelve years old and Jake thirteen, they had a strict sundown curfew.

00:12:51Keith trotted in with Grace riding on his back, an imaginary whip forcing him to move

00:12:55faster.

00:12:56You haven't found them yet?

00:12:59Grace's playfulness ceased once he caught sight of Dad's frowning face.

00:13:03Can you think of anywhere else they might have gone?

00:13:06I mean, just the places I told you about earlier, Keith answered.

00:13:11Any new friends you know of?

00:13:13Is Jake playing with a new band, maybe?

00:13:17There was something so unsettling in Dad's anxious words that shivers crept along my

00:13:21skin.

00:13:22I crossed my arms, trapping the breeze.

00:13:25No, Dad.

00:13:27I don't know.

00:13:28Keith said, lowering Grace to the ground.

00:13:31She ran to the table and dipped her hand in the cheese.

00:13:34Mom didn't bother to stop her.

00:13:37She was preoccupied, on the phone, calling everyone she knew.

00:13:41Six-year-old Quinn had joined Grace in dinner.

00:13:44Neither was particularly skilled at putting a taco together, and within seconds all the

00:13:49fillings were strewn across the table.

00:13:52Normally such a sight would annoy me to no end, but the nagging anxiousness settling

00:13:56deep in my belly kept me silent.

00:13:59I watched restlessly as the kids chatted happily with one another, blissfully unaware of the

00:14:04panic beginning to take form around them.

00:14:07The oxygen in the room began to thin, making it harder to breathe as my thoughts focused

00:14:12on Jake and Kyle.

00:14:14Where were they?

00:14:15Mom, still on the phone, had the high pitch of a woman on the verge of hysteria.

00:14:21Her lips trembled as she asked the same question.

00:14:24Have you seen my sons?

00:14:26Not to be outdone, my father paced the floor, repeating the same words over and over again.

00:14:31Should we call the police?

00:14:33What should we do?

00:14:35Time passed slowly as an ominous feeling of doom settled over the whole lot of us, and

00:14:40the longer we waited, the darker and more sinister the possibilities became.

00:14:45The police were called by eight-fifteen, and as we waited for them to arrive, frantic screaming

00:14:51from somewhere down the street brought the four of us to our feet.

00:14:54We raced from the kitchen into the darkened night and followed the sounds of hysteria.

00:15:00There was no doubt in any of our minds that our questions were about to be answered in

00:15:04the cruelest of ways.

00:15:06We met Kyle several houses down, his nostrils flaring and his eyes wild with fear.

00:15:12He flung himself into our mother's quaking arms.

00:15:15He was speaking so fast and so frantically that none of us could understand the words.

00:15:20Mom, her face contorted in horror, gripped my brother's small body and pushed him back,

00:15:26getting a first look at her injured son.

00:15:29Blood from a wound on his forehead traced lines through the dirt on Kyle's face, and

00:15:33his arm hung at an awkward angle by his side.

00:15:37Mom grasped his flushed cheeks and lifted his head.

00:15:40All she managed to say was,

00:15:43Jake?

00:15:44Kyle drew himself up and then burst into tears.

00:15:48Gone.

00:15:52Chapter 2 Emma, Present Day

00:15:57Resting Bitch Face

00:16:01Waist-deep in a pile of clothes, I clawed at the stack with increasing frustration.

00:16:06Hippie, chic?

00:16:08What exactly did that mean?

00:16:10Could one even put those words together into a coherent whole?

00:16:15When I wasn't wearing light blue nursing scrubs at the hospital, I preferred a more

00:16:19classic wardrobe, which was precisely why I had such a high credit card bill every month

00:16:24at the Gap.

00:16:25Their business casual or jeans-and-blazer looks suited me well—crisp, clean, and tailored.

00:16:32Just like me.

00:16:33Just like my life.

00:16:34What do you think, Cynthia?

00:16:36I asked, holding up a chiffon top I'd dug out of the pile.

00:16:41My initial search for the perfect outfit had begun in an orderly fashion, but then

00:16:45I noticed some items falling off their hangers and decided this was as good a time as any

00:16:50to rehang and reorganize everything in my closet.

00:16:54Hence the messy stack of clothing now fanned out around me.

00:16:57I need your opinion, pretty boy.

00:17:00Is this hippie enough?

00:17:01Do you think I'll look good in this?

00:17:04With his signature blasé arrogance, my fluffy gray-and-white cat glanced between the shirt

00:17:10and me, and for a moment there, I thought he might actually be considering my options.

00:17:15But then he went all predictable feline on me, folding his limber body into a scissor

00:17:20pose before getting down and dirty on his furry little behind.

00:17:25Everyone's a critic.

00:17:26I guess I couldn't fault Cynthia for his lackluster approach to life.

00:17:31He had never really forgiven me for his feminine moniker.

00:17:34I blamed my father and his stupid pet-naming policy.

00:17:38By the time we'd realized that Cynthia was really a Charles, it was too late.

00:17:43Every suggestion I presented as an acceptable alternative was met with overly enthusiastic

00:17:48booing by my opinionated family.

00:17:51So Cynthia it remained.

00:17:53I figured since he was strictly an indoor kitty and wouldn't need to worry about getting

00:17:57name-shamed by a gang of macho alley cats, what was the harm, right?

00:18:02Wrong.

00:18:03My brothers never gave poor Cynthia a break.

00:18:06She'd become a running family joke, and my misunderstood little fluffball didn't like

00:18:10it one bit.

00:18:12I held up my favorite light gray pantsuit, the one I'd rocked at the hospital Christmas

00:18:17party the year before last, seriously low-cut and clinging to all the right curves.

00:18:23I recalled feeling incredibly sexy that night.

00:18:26I also remembered the males loving it, so much so that I'd been rewarded with a steamy

00:18:31night in the arms of Logan, our hospital's Dr. McDreamy.

00:18:36All I can say about that was, with a few drinks in me, it had seemed like a good idea

00:18:40at the time.

00:18:42I should have known better.

00:18:44On so many levels.

00:18:46Logan was one of those guys who knew he was hot and wanted the rest of the world to appreciate

00:18:51his scorching awesomeness right alongside him.

00:18:54And that night, after he'd rolled off of me for the final time that balmy winter's evening,

00:18:59we both immediately realized our mistake, and neither one of us could get away from

00:19:04the other fast enough.

00:19:06He'd spent the following week trying to hide from me.

00:19:10It really was quite humorous to watch him morph from a mature professional into a commitment-phobic

00:19:15adolescent the moment our tryst was completed.

00:19:19Avoiding me seemed his only mission, even going so far as to duck behind the nurse's

00:19:23stations or escape into storage closets when our paths would invariably cross.

00:19:29What Dr. Chickenshit hadn't realized was that he'd met his fornicating match.

00:19:34I didn't want a relationship any more than he did, and once he figured that out, the

00:19:39randy physician was more than happy to keep reaching out for snacks, or asking for tickets

00:19:44to my brother's concerts.

00:19:46As if.

00:19:47Asshole.

00:19:48That's what I get for picking the winners.

00:19:50I scrunched my nose in protest of the memory.

00:19:53Yeah, maybe not the pantsuit.

00:19:56So that was my last coitus.

00:19:59Not that you probably cared.

00:20:00Not that I even cared.

00:20:02When it came to men and sex, I could take it or leave it.

00:20:06And more often than not, I left it.

00:20:09It wasn't that I was some hardcore feminist who reveled in pummeling men in their nether

00:20:13regions just for the sake of it, although that did sound strangely entertaining.

00:20:17No, my reasons were far simpler and less violent.

00:20:22I'd found over time that the only men with balls big enough to approach me were cocksure

00:20:26dipwads.

00:20:28And despite what my appearance and demeanor obviously said about me, I wasn't used to

00:20:32men like that.

00:20:33All the guys in my life—my father and my brothers—were dynamic and sincere.

00:20:38Sure, they made mistakes, and could at times be giant walking, talking assholes, but at

00:20:44least they tried to do the right thing.

00:20:46I liked to think my brothers treated women with as much respect as could be reasonably

00:20:51expected, given they were of the male species and thought primarily with their frontal genitalia.

00:20:58Even if the nice guys were to come hither, it's not like I'd know what to do with them.

00:21:02I'd spent my adulthood avoiding congenial men.

00:21:06The fact that I didn't want what nice guys wanted—namely, marriage and a family—pretty

00:21:11much excluded them from my rather empty playbook.

00:21:15So what should I do?

00:21:16My sister Grace texted.

00:21:19She was having boy problems, and naively believed her big sister had all the answers.

00:21:24Ah, bless her.

00:21:26Honestly, she'd have better luck asking some middle-school hussy than me, but sure, I'd

00:21:31pretend for her.

00:21:32Why the hell not?

00:21:33Okay, so let's see.

00:21:35The guy in her English class just told her he thought she had a thick ass—thick, for

00:21:41all you pre-Kardashians out there—now meant deliciously scrumptious.

00:21:46Does she A. Engage him in conversation, B. Ignore him and make him want more, or C. Rub

00:21:53her thick ass all over the douche to give him a taste of what he's been missing?

00:21:58Okay, seeing as this was my baby sister, C. was most definitely off the table.

00:22:04Selection B would be my standard protocol, and we certainly didn't want Grace to be anything

00:22:09like me, so there was really only one option.

00:22:13Find someone else.

00:22:14This guy sucks.

00:22:15Emma!

00:22:16He's one of the hottest boys in school!

00:22:19All the more reason.

00:22:21You're not helping.

00:22:22I really don't know what to do.

00:22:25Does he just like me because of my last name, or does he like me for me?

00:22:30It sounds like he likes you for your ass, which means my earlier advice stands.

00:22:35Ah, you're impossible sometimes.

00:22:38I'm going to ask Amber instead.

00:22:41Fine.

00:22:42I didn't want to be her Oprah anyway.

00:22:44Relieved, I shifted my focus back to the pile of clothing and begrudgingly acknowledged

00:22:50that it really didn't matter what I found in my closet.

00:22:53Nothing was going to get me out of a shopping date with my brother's fiancée, Casey.

00:22:58I'd been putting her off for too long, and now it was crunch time.

00:23:02Somehow I'd agreed to let her help me pick out two music festival-appropriate outfits

00:23:07for the coming weekend.

00:23:10My brother Jake was headlining the three-day lineup, and because it was our father's birthday,

00:23:15had invited the entire clan out for some fun in the desert sun.

00:23:19And although I'd been looking forward to the event for weeks, finding something to

00:23:23wear was another story altogether.

00:23:26The Sun Desert Music Festival was known as much for the fashion stylings of its concertgoers

00:23:31as it was for the music, and that's where Casey came in.

00:23:36Since saying yes to my brother four months ago, my future sister-in-law had been trying

00:23:40her best to bond with me.

00:23:43I was fine with our friendly arrangement of seeing each other only when Jake was around.

00:23:48After all, I wasn't known for having female friends, but apparently that didn't fly with

00:23:53girlfriend-centric women like Casey.

00:23:56She wanted a deeper connection with me.

00:23:59And even though I had trust issues with other women, I'd promised Jake during our last phone

00:24:03conversation that I'd try harder to get to know his soon-to-be bride.

00:24:08I mean, how difficult could it be?

00:24:11Casey seemed fairly straightforward.

00:24:13I couldn't imagine there being some hideous beast hiding under all that smiling.

00:24:18Normally, I didn't trust anyone whose lips were perpetually curved upward, but with Casey,

00:24:23I truly believed she couldn't help herself.

00:24:26Don't get me wrong, I didn't dislike Casey or her bubbly personality.

00:24:31On the contrary, I found her a breath of fresh air in my brother's previously stale life.

00:24:37She'd found a way to pierce his steely surface to find the person inside, not the rock star

00:24:42or the crime victim, just the man I knew and loved.

00:24:47And for that, I bowed down to her.

00:24:49But becoming best buddies?

00:24:52That didn't seem likely.

00:24:54I guess selfishly I'd always just pictured Jake and me, lonely and unloved, living out

00:24:59the later years of our lives together in some swanky old people's home in Florida, complaining

00:25:05about the freezing temperatures and arguing over whose walker was fastest.

00:25:10But with Casey in the picture, that lofty dream was all shot to hell.

00:25:14It was now looking like I'd be getting a table for one in old folks' heaven.

00:25:19Obviously, the issue I had with Casey was more a reflection on me.

00:25:23I simply couldn't keep up with the girl.

00:25:25The last time we'd hung out, she'd done ninety percent of the talking.

00:25:29At some point, I'd retreated to a safe place in my mind, far, far away from the endless

00:25:34words.

00:25:35Again, my fault, not hers.

00:25:38No doubt my reserved demeanor had made Casey extra chatty that night.

00:25:42The phone calls for this current round of attempted bonding had started last week.

00:25:47Of course, Casey initiated each and every call.

00:25:51There'd been three in all, if you didn't count the ones I let go straight to voicemail.

00:25:56She wanted to set up a shopping date with me, which required a trip to the mall or something

00:26:00equivalent.

00:26:02Noise.

00:26:03Lines.

00:26:04People.

00:26:05Yuck.

00:26:06Double yuck.

00:26:07And shoot me now.

00:26:08All my go-to excuses were depleted after call number one.

00:26:12I dipped into the reserves for call number two.

00:26:15But by call number three, I was weak and defenseless, and in no position to refuse.

00:26:21Yep, there was no way out of the trip to the mall.

00:26:25The only type of shopping I enjoyed was done from the comfort of my own home, and in a

00:26:30pair of colorful pajamas.

00:26:32Almost everything I desired could be ordered through the click of a mouse.

00:26:36The painless efficiency of online shopping sent happy flutters through me.

00:26:41Nothing was more satisfying than coming home from a long day of work and finding brown

00:26:45packages waiting for me on my doorstep.

00:26:48It was like Christmas every day.

00:26:50My aversion to the mall came at the onset of puberty, when I grew to my full and ridiculous

00:26:56height.

00:26:57Pushing six feet tall in seventh grade, it was a challenge to find flattering outfits

00:27:01that fit my long pencil arms and stretch-armstrong legs.

00:27:05And don't even get me started on my size-ten flipper feet.

00:27:09That's why I stuck to the brands I could trust, with the online stores specifically tailored

00:27:14to beanstalk girls like myself.

00:27:17Casey didn't have to worry about such things, as she was the south to my north pole.

00:27:22Her cute little personality was matched by her cute little body.

00:27:26She could rock any outfit and look cool doing it.

00:27:30Add to that her flowing brunette locks and easy smile, and Casey was hard to resist.

00:27:35She definitely had a way of growing on you, sort of like a staph infection.

00:27:40You didn't even know she was invading until you had a full-blown case of her.

00:27:44Honestly, I just didn't want to be embarrassed when I went into stores for normal-sized girls.

00:27:50Although I liked being able to reach items on the top shelf, there were times I thought

00:27:54life would be easier if I was short enough to fit inside a smart car.

00:27:58Apparently it would be simpler when it came to men.

00:28:01I was no troll, but my height definitely complicated matters with the opposite sex.

00:28:07Guys over a certain length generally found me attractive.

00:28:10Hell even the shorter ones had no problem flirting with me.

00:28:14Until I stood up.

00:28:15Then came the sweaty foreheads and awkward excuses.

00:28:19Even the big guys seemed to be calculating in their heads how much taller I'd be in a

00:28:23pair of stilettos before coming to an evening out.

00:28:26Not that such a scenario came around all that often.

00:28:31Perhaps to offset the shock of my lofty, slim frame and bee-sting-sized boobs, I had been

00:28:36graciously blessed with the gift of light hazel-gray eyes, high cheekbones, and lustrously

00:28:41long thick tresses, which at the moment were dyed a platinum blonde, courtesy of my fashion-obsessed

00:28:48sister Grace.

00:28:50While she'd done a great job, I was currently rethinking my color choice after overhearing

00:28:54someone at work call me the White Witch.

00:28:57Unfortunately, that wasn't the only unfavorable nickname I'd earned at the hospital.

00:29:03I was also routinely referred to as Nurse Nasty and the Rockstar's Bitch Sister.

00:29:09Always behind my back, of course.

00:29:11For whatever reason, women didn't particularly care for me.

00:29:15It wasn't that I was ever outwardly rude to other people, but I wasn't touchy-feely either.

00:29:21I had a tendency to keep my emotions firmly in check, and apparently that rubbed people

00:29:26the wrong way.

00:29:28When I'd first started at the hospital, I really had tried to fit in, but my brother's

00:29:33reputation preceded me.

00:29:35A leak from the administration outed my identity, and upon arrival, I was bombarded with questions

00:29:41about Jake.

00:29:43Being the fiercely protective sister I was, I immediately shut down the intrusive inquiries,

00:29:48and in doing so, set the course for social obliteration for the next four years.

00:29:54Of course it hadn't helped my cause that male co-workers occasionally hit on me in front

00:29:58of the other nurses.

00:30:00Even openly rebuffing their advances to appease my female colleagues didn't get me off the

00:30:05hook.

00:30:06In fact, it only seemed to incite them further.

00:30:10The Rockstar's Bitch Sister thinks she's too good for our doctors.

00:30:14I figured out pretty quickly that I couldn't win no matter what, so I stopped trying.

00:30:19In fact, I had only one friend among the nurses, and that was really just by default.

00:30:25Everyone hated her, too.

00:30:27No, I was used to not being liked by other women, and it hadn't bothered me too much

00:30:32until Jake asked me to try harder with Casey.

00:30:35I'd never been able to say no to him, and his concern for her happiness tugged at my

00:30:39heart.

00:30:41His was a request I couldn't ignore.

00:30:43Nor did I want to.

00:30:44I owed as much to Casey.

00:30:47Her commitment to my brother gave us something very important in common.

00:30:51And if, like Jake had said, she didn't think I liked her, well, that was definitely something

00:30:56I could change.

00:30:58At least I had a better chance of making things right with Casey than of fixing the other

00:31:02issue Jake had with me.

00:31:04According to him, I suffered from a condition referred to as Resting Bitch Face, otherwise

00:31:09known as RBF.

00:31:11Apparently, even when I wasn't annoyed, my expression said otherwise.

00:31:16As if I didn't have enough to be self-conscious about, now I had to worry that my very aura

00:31:20was displeasing to others.

00:31:23Talk about pressure.

00:31:24The moment I was made aware of the fact that I was indeed suffering from the chronic pinch-lipped

00:31:29disease, it was all I could think about.

00:31:33Feeling the need to prove I was more than just a facial expression, I practiced resting

00:31:37my face in front of a mirror, adopting a more pleasing, wide-eyed, clueless look.

00:31:43If it worked for puppies, it could work for me.

00:31:47Once I had my most adorable look down pat, I tried it out at work, greeting my co-workers

00:31:52enthusiastically.

00:31:54Instead of being thrilled with my delightful new outlook on life, my sudden friendliness

00:31:58had the opposite effect, and for the remainder of the day I had to endure long sideways glances

00:32:04from women worried I might show up at their homes and boil their pet bunnies.

00:32:08In hindsight, it might have been best to ease them into the new me.

00:32:13I hadn't always been the odd woman out.

00:32:17Once upon a time, I'd had plenty of female friends.

00:32:19In fact, dare I say, I was a popular girl.

00:32:23Back then, if females hated me it was because they wanted to be me.

00:32:28Now they just hated me with no strings attached.

00:32:32It's not difficult to pinpoint the moment in time when everything changed for me.

00:32:37In fact, I could tell you the exact minute of the exact day.

00:32:41When tragedy struck, it was all-consuming, and I was wholly unprepared for the aftermath.

00:32:47I collapsed inward, clinging to my parents and siblings, the only people who truly understood

00:32:53the magnitude of what we'd survived.

00:32:55I would have gladly stayed inside that bubble, us against the world, had the inevitable not

00:33:00happened and we'd all grown up.

00:33:02I went off to college and started my life, but emotionally I stayed behind, watching

00:33:08from the sidelines as one by one my little sister and my four brothers began to spread

00:33:13their wings.

00:33:14It was beautiful and heartbreaking all at once.

00:33:18Letting them go left a void in me that I'd never been able to fill back up.

00:33:22As my brothers fell in love, they added new members to our tight-knit group, making me

00:33:27feel pushed out and unnecessary.

00:33:30Maybe that's why I'd never embraced Keith's ex, or Jake's fiancee, or Kyle's girlfriend.

00:33:36Tears filled my eyes.

00:33:38I needed to try harder.

00:33:40I can always count on you, can't I, buddy?

00:33:43I said, bending down and giving my fur baby a good scratching behind his ears.

00:33:48Forgetting about his butthole, if only temporarily, Cynthia purred and rolled around on the floor

00:33:54in a frenzy as if my fingers had been dipped in catnip just for his petting pleasure.

00:34:00The ding of the doorbell put an end to the cat worship.

00:34:03There'd be plenty of time for that later.

00:34:05Oh yeah, there was always ample time for the cat.

00:34:09All right, all right, hang on, I called, as I padded my way to the front door.

00:34:14Pulling out my phone, I clicked on the electronic doorbell app to confirm who I already assumed

00:34:19was there—my lunch date.

00:34:22He came around at least every other week after trips to L.A., and although I'd never

00:34:26admit it to him, his visits were the highlight of my month.

00:34:31The camera on my doorbell app finally activated, and I gasped at the image that popped up on

00:34:36my screen.

00:34:38An ass.

00:34:39And not just any ass—my brother Keith's.

00:34:43I wished I could say it was the first time I'd seen it so up close and personal, but

00:34:47sadly I couldn't.

00:34:49I couldn't help but excite myself.

00:34:50I laughed at his juvenile behavior.

00:34:53My penchant for frat-boy humor was an unfortunate side effect of growing up with brothers.

00:34:57"'Damn, Keith,' I said into the speaker, "'you're looking so handsome today.

00:35:03Did you get a new haircut or something?'

00:35:05"'Well, actually, I did do a little manscaping.

00:35:08Thanks for noticing.'

00:35:09"'You know, I didn't buy this doorbell so you could have your way with it.'

00:35:14The naked ass that had been greeting me on my screen disappeared and was replaced by

00:35:18Keith's eyeball.

00:35:20"'Emma,' he said in a crazy voice, his giant orb rolling around in its socket.

00:35:26"'Open up.'

00:35:28"'Stop,' I laughed, unlocking my front door.

00:35:32"'You're going to freak out the neighbors.'

00:35:35Keith stepped in, a bag of oranges in one hand and the other adjusting his shorts back

00:35:40into place.

00:35:41"'Have you seen your neighbors?

00:35:44You live in the valley, for God's sake.'

00:35:47I pulled him into my charming yet snug three-bedroom condominium.

00:35:50"'Shh,' I snickered, and shut the door.

00:35:53"'I can't take you anywhere.'

00:35:56I lived on a quiet tree-lined street in the valley—yes, that valley.

00:36:02Also known as the New Jersey of Los Angeles, the San Fernando Valley had long been considered

00:36:07the place to go if you weren't beautiful enough, cool enough, or rich enough to live in the

00:36:11city.

00:36:13Many Angelenos wouldn't even consider stepping foot on this side of Mulholland Drive without

00:36:17a full set of shots on file.

00:36:20Home of porn stars and Moon Unit Zappa's Valley Girl song, one might think the area had no

00:36:25redeeming qualities, but in recent years it had become a mecca for young families.

00:36:30The rents were cheaper, and the vibe was considerably more laid-back.

00:36:36Although it was far from what others might consider a dream home, for me it was perfect.

00:36:41Doing the finest of all things had once been my goal, but that was a long time ago.

00:36:46I'd long since stopped valuing the measure of life through opulence.

00:36:51The people I chose to surround myself with—my family—were all the treasure I needed.

00:36:56Sappy, I agree, but in my case, true.

00:37:01Yes, I was proud of my little condo.

00:37:04It had been through my hard work that I'd earned enough for the down payment.

00:37:08As my brother was a millionaire musician, people just assumed I routinely piggybacked

00:37:12off his fortune and fame.

00:37:15That could not be further from the truth.

00:37:17My life was mine, far removed from my brother's crazy rock star existence, although that's

00:37:23not to say that if I'd wanted to live vicariously through him, I easily could have.

00:37:28Jake was liberal with his money, and never thought twice about sharing his wealth with

00:37:32the ones he loved.

00:37:34Jason Point was the owner of a skate and surf shop who was standing before me now.

00:37:39The money for Keith's business had come from a very rich and very generous musician, one

00:37:44who just happened to share his last name.

00:37:47Keith might not have minded taking handouts, but I did.

00:37:50I liked my quiet little existence, but more importantly, I liked paying for it on my own.

00:37:57That didn't mean I wasn't open to bonuses from time to time, generally in the form of

00:38:01plane tickets, hotels, and all-expenses-paid family trips like the one I was about to enjoy

00:38:06this weekend.

00:38:09By the time we'd made it into the living room, Keith was already picking items off my coffee

00:38:13table and rearranging them, something he did strictly because he knew it annoyed me.

00:38:18I purposely ignored his nuddling.

00:38:21"'So how was work?' he asked.

00:38:24"'Actually pretty good.

00:38:26Only three death threats against me yesterday.'

00:38:27"'Well, now we're talking!'

00:38:31Keith nodded his approval and then gave me a high-five.

00:38:33"'Nice job, Emma.'

00:38:36"'Thanks.

00:38:37It feels so good to be loved.'

00:38:39"'I'm sure.'

00:38:41Keith handed me the bag of fruit he was still carrying.

00:38:43"'Mom told me to give these to you.'

00:38:46"'Oh, yay!

00:38:48I'm going to make a fresh-squeezed orange juice later.'

00:38:50"'Oh, yay!' he mimicked in a girly voice, and then took it a step further by throwing

00:38:56his hands up in a gleeful display of faked happiness.

00:38:59"'Nice to see you've got big plans tonight.'

00:39:02"'Oh, shit!'

00:39:03I exclaimed, suddenly remembering my evening with Casey.

00:39:07"'Never mind.

00:39:08I'll have to squeeze the citrus on another night.'

00:39:11"'So you do have plans?'

00:39:15Keith raised an eyebrow suggestively.

00:39:17"'A hot date?'

00:39:19"'Yep.

00:39:20With a girl.'

00:39:21"'All right.

00:39:22Uh-huh.

00:39:23A bit of girl-on-girl action never hurt anyone.

00:39:26Oh, hold on.

00:39:28Now all I can picture is your face in the equation.

00:39:31Thanks for ruining the fantasy for me.

00:39:33"'Shut up.

00:39:35It's with Casey, you creep.'

00:39:36"'Huh.

00:39:37Casey, you say?'

00:39:39He grinned.

00:39:40"'Keith!'

00:39:41I slapped him in the arm.

00:39:43"'Do not let Jake know you're lusting after his girl.'

00:39:46"'Not lusting.

00:39:49Just appreciative.

00:39:50I'm a guy.

00:39:51Our eyes are genetically engineered to admire attractive women.

00:39:55It all stems back to the caveman days.

00:39:58"'Somehow I feel your logic is wrong on this, but I'm going to cut you some slack because

00:40:03I know your elevator doesn't stop on every floor.'

00:40:06Not even the least bit offended, Keith nodded his agreement as he continued his exploration

00:40:11of my belongings.

00:40:13Picking up a colorful porcelain origami crane, Keith examined it before making a face and

00:40:18asking, "'Why do you need this?'

00:40:21"'I don't.

00:40:22I just like it.

00:40:23Put it back.'

00:40:25He didn't, instead pretending to make it fly.

00:40:29I snatched my crane from his hand and returned it to the shelf.

00:40:32"'No touching!'

00:40:33"'You know, Jake getting married still freaks me out a little bit,' Keith said, without

00:40:39taking his eyes off the damn crane.

00:40:41"'Move along, buddy.'

00:40:43"'I mean, what are the chances that out of all of us, Jake would be the first to marry?'

00:40:49"'He wouldn't be if you'd gotten your act together sooner.'

00:40:53Keith picked up the crane again and held it out in front of him, threatening to drop

00:40:57it.

00:40:58"'Take it back,' he demanded.

00:41:00"'Take it back or the bird dies!'

00:41:03He'd just been waiting for the opportunity to murder my crane.

00:41:06I lunged for it, but Keith was too quick, deftly skirting the breakable bird behind

00:41:11his back before I could save it.

00:41:14"'All I'm saying,' he stopped mid-sentence to smirk at my pathetic rescue efforts, "'is

00:41:21ten years ago.

00:41:22I thought Jake would be drooling in a mental hospital right now, but look at him.

00:41:27Our little psycho has grown up.'

00:41:28"'Keith,' I said, shaming him with my disapproval, "'could you be any more politically incorrect?'

00:41:36"'What?

00:41:37He doesn't care.

00:41:39I call him that all the time.'

00:41:40"'No, you don't, because if you did, he'd beat the shit out of you on a regular basis.'

00:41:45"'Please.

00:41:46Jake's got nothing on me.'

00:41:49"'You're right.

00:41:50You're so much better than him in every way.

00:41:53Can I have my crane back?'

00:41:54"'Now, was that so hard?'

00:41:56Keith asked in a condescending manner, grinning as he replaced the bird.

00:42:01"'It might seem that his assessment of our little brother's state of mind back then was

00:42:05overly harsh, but then you wouldn't know the full story.

00:42:09Jake was a mess, and no one, not even he, denied it.

00:42:14I guess it goes to show what finding love can do for a person.'

00:42:17"'I guess,' he said.

00:42:20"'You guess?'

00:42:21"'I mean, come on, Emma.

00:42:23You have to give credit where credit's due.

00:42:26Casey might have changed Jake for the better, but we both know who saved him.'

00:42:30I shrugged.

00:42:32Keith shook his head.

00:42:33"'You never give her any credit, do you?'

00:42:36"'I know what Mom did for him,' I said.

00:42:39"'I don't need you reminding me.'

00:42:42Keith put his hands up in submission, my snappy tone not escaping him.

00:42:46"'Forget I said anything.'

00:42:48I realized I was being too sensitive, but even after all these years, the subject of

00:42:53Jake's kidnapping and the horrific aftermath still had adverse effects on me.

00:42:59Although I loved my mother to death and credited her with keeping our family intact, she and

00:43:03I had a complicated relationship, one that could not be explained in a simplistic exchange

00:43:08with my brother.

00:43:10The great thing about Keith was that he didn't linger too long on deep thoughts.

00:43:15In fact, the minute he detected my shifting mood, he changed the subject by walking over

00:43:19to my couch and picking up a glove with little spikes on it.

00:43:24One brow arched in question as he held it up and made spanking motions with it.

00:43:28"'Do I even want to know what this is used for?'

00:43:32"'It's to prevent hairballs,' I said.

00:43:35The blank look on his face forced me to clarify.

00:43:38"'For Cynthia.'

00:43:40"'Oh, right,' he said, grinning mischievously as he elongated my cat's name.

00:43:46"'Cynthia.'

00:43:47Keith tossed the offending glove back where it came from.

00:43:52"'Where is that sexually disoriented cat of yours, anyway?'

00:43:56"'He's still in the closet, I think.'

00:43:58I don't doubt it.

00:44:00I couldn't help but giggle.

00:44:01"'No, literally.

00:44:03I was going through my clothes.'

00:44:04"'Oh, good.'

00:44:06I tensed, glaring at my brother.

00:44:09"'What does that mean?'

00:44:11His eyes expanded as he realized his mistake.

00:44:14"'Nothing.

00:44:15I didn't say anything.'

00:44:16"'Yes, you did.

00:44:18You don't like my clothes?'

00:44:20"'They're fine.'

00:44:21"'Fine?'

00:44:23My voice rose in accusation.

00:44:25Keith grimaced when he realized he wasn't getting out of the shitstorm he'd just created.

00:44:30"'Maybe they're a tad bland is all.'

00:44:32"'Bland?

00:44:33Well, duh.

00:44:34I wear scrubs all day.'

00:44:37"'Actually, Em, your scrubs are the best part of your wardrobe.

00:44:41I was talking about everything else.

00:44:43I mean, honestly, you've got a decent body.

00:44:46For a sister, I mean.

00:44:48But you dress like a schoolteacher,' he said, before adding,

00:44:52"'And not the Van Halen hot-for-teacher kind.

00:44:55Thanks for clarifying.'

00:44:56I offered up my most menacing scowl.

00:45:00But instead of taking the hint, he just kept going.

00:45:04"'You have a more students-I-go-home-after-class-and-play-with-my-cat type of a vibe.'

00:45:09"'Yeah, I get it, Keith.

00:45:12I'm a boring cat lady, as if that hasn't been played to death in our family.'

00:45:17I waved him off.

00:45:18"'What about you?

00:45:20How are you enjoying Mom and Dad's house?'

00:45:23Now it was Keith's turn to glare at me.

00:45:26Okay, admittedly, it was a low blow.

00:45:29He and his girlfriend of six years had recently split, and he'd moved out of their apartment

00:45:33and into our parents' place a little over a month ago.

00:45:37"'You just had to go there, didn't you?'

00:45:40"'What?

00:45:41I'm simply being conversational,' I feigned innocence.

00:45:44"'It's a big house, Emma.

00:45:46I'm fine.'

00:45:47"'And Sam?

00:45:49How's she doing?'

00:45:50"'I wouldn't know,' Keith said curtly.

00:45:53"'Ask her.'

00:45:55"'So still no communication?'

00:45:57My brother headed for the door, ignoring my question completely.

00:46:01"'I just thought the two of you would work it out.'

00:46:04"'Well, you thought wrong.

00:46:06Sam and I aren't together anymore.

00:46:08End of story.'

00:46:10His tone was short and snippy, but something in the way he said the words made me think

00:46:14he had only just realized what he'd lost in her.

00:46:17"'Okay,' I mouthed, raising my brows as I silently mocked his attitude.

00:46:23"'You know the best part about not having a girlfriend?'

00:46:26"'What?'

00:46:28Leave it to Keith to find the positive in his obvious heartbreak.

00:46:31"'I can finally take advantage of Jake's fame this weekend.

00:46:36Cool music, hot chicks, free liquor.'

00:46:38"'Name-dropping your rock star brother?'

00:46:41I added.

00:46:42"'Of course,' he grinned.

00:46:44"'That's the best part.

00:46:46The women will be stripping off their clothes as they come running.'

00:46:49"'Uh-huh.'

00:46:50"'Don't uh-huh me.

00:46:53I'm the full package.

00:46:55Single, hot, and I live with my parents.'

00:46:58"'Wow, you're going to be beating them off.'

00:47:02And honestly, he probably would be.

00:47:05Attracting females had never been a problem for my older brother.

00:47:08He had a charm to him that was apparently hard to resist.

00:47:12"'You know I will,' he smiled, pretending to swing a bat.

00:47:16"'You want my advice, Em?'

00:47:19"'Nope.

00:47:20Have a little fun this weekend.'

00:47:22I said I didn't want your advice.

00:47:24"'When was the last time you went out?'

00:47:27"'Oh, wait.

00:47:29Never,' Kate said, ignoring my protest.

00:47:32"'Do yourself a favor.

00:47:34Kick back this weekend.

00:47:35Let your bun down.'

00:47:36"'Um, I don't wear my hair up in buns.

00:47:41You know what I mean.

00:47:42Actually I don't.

00:47:43You're so tense all the time.

00:47:46Let loose a little.

00:47:47Hang with some wild drummer.

00:47:49Pound the liquor.'

00:47:51None of this sounds like good, solid advice, Keith.

00:47:55And good God, Em, go buy yourself some new clothes that aren't out of the men's department."

00:47:59"'Can I ask you a question?'

00:48:04Casey's sunny demeanor turned instantly serious, and I felt my stomach do a nervous little

00:48:09flip.

00:48:10Up to this point, our shopping trip had been fun and lighthearted.

00:48:14I'd even go as far as to say she might have actually changed my mind about visits to the

00:48:18mall.

00:48:19I'd found three awesome outfits with Casey's help and was feeling pretty good about our

00:48:23connection.

00:48:24Jake would be pleased.

00:48:26But then, out of the blue, she changed the rules of the game, and my mood turned instantly

00:48:32sour.

00:48:33"'Okay, what?

00:48:35Why are you alone?'

00:48:37It took effort to force my face to stay neutral when, in reality, I wanted to blast obscenities

00:48:43in her face.

00:48:45Why I was alone was none of her damn business.

00:48:48"'You're a beautiful woman.

00:48:51Smart and successful.

00:48:52Men fall all over you.

00:48:54I mean, you could have anyone you wanted.

00:48:57So why don't you?'

00:48:59Oh, she was going right for the jugular, the answer to her question hitting to the very

00:49:04core of who I was as a person.

00:49:07Certainly I wouldn't be discussing my hang-ups with the world's most perfect woman.

00:49:11"'I guess I just haven't found the right guy,' I shrugged, hoping she'd take the hint, all

00:49:17the while knowing Casey wasn't the type to let things lie.

00:49:20"'Are you looking?

00:49:23Why do you care?'

00:49:25Casey appeared startled by the hostility in my voice, but she bravely held my glare.

00:49:30In that moment, I knew.

00:49:33She and Jake had been discussing me, and for whatever reason, that was infuriating.

00:49:38It was like Jake went and got himself engaged, and then immediately turned traitor.

00:49:43My issues were not his to share, especially seeing as I'd spent my life safeguarding his.

00:49:49"'Why?

00:49:50What has he told you?'

00:49:52I asked, looking away in irritation.

00:49:55"'Please don't be mad.

00:49:57I'm just trying to understand you better.'

00:50:00That was the wrong thing to say.

00:50:03Now I was really pissed.

00:50:04"'You don't think I know that you and Jake are having little pow-wow sessions about me?

00:50:09I'm telling you now.

00:50:11Stop it!'

00:50:12Casey raised her brows.

00:50:14"'Wow!

00:50:15Wow what?'

00:50:16I asked, grumbling.

00:50:18"'Sensitive subject.

00:50:20Sorry I said anything.'

00:50:21I didn't care for the tone.

00:50:24She was the one who'd brought it up, and if she didn't like the response, well, too damn

00:50:28bad.

00:50:29"'Not everyone is you, Casey.

00:50:31Not everyone gets the fairy tale.'

00:50:34She looked away, and silence ensued.

00:50:37If Jake wanted me to work harder with his fiancée, then he'd better stop throwing me

00:50:41under the bus with her.

00:50:43He was going to get a swift talking-to this weekend."

00:50:45"'You know,' Casey started, but then the words stopped suddenly.

00:50:51She placed her hand over her heart, looking up at the ceiling as emotion played out over

00:50:55her face.

00:50:56"'If you mean fairy tale in the sense that I found the man I love more than life itself,

00:51:02then yes, I would have to agree with you.

00:51:05But if you mean fairy tale in that everything is always perfectly perfect, well, then you

00:51:10don't know your brother as well as you claim to.'

00:51:13Her words hit me.

00:51:15Of course I knew Jake had issues, but for whatever reason, I guess I didn't see them

00:51:19spilling out into his relationship with her.

00:51:23Certainly they'd always portrayed their unity as near perfection, and her confession both

00:51:27surprised and intrigued me.

00:51:30"'Are you and Jake having problems?'

00:51:33"'You first.'

00:51:35"'What?'

00:51:36"'You answer my question, and I'll answer yours.'

00:51:39Casey sat back in her seat and crossed her arms in front of her.

00:51:42"'Why don't you date?'

00:51:45We stared each other down.

00:51:47Oh, she was good.

00:51:49For the first time, I was seeing this girl in a different light.

00:51:52Something told me she was stronger than I'd ever given her credit for.

00:51:56I contemplated how to answer her question, but then opted for full disclosure.

00:52:01"'I don't want to get married.'

00:52:03"'Ever?'

00:52:04"'No.'

00:52:05"'Why?'

00:52:06"'Your turn.

00:52:09Are you and Jake having problems?'

00:52:11"'Not problems, necessarily.'

00:52:14Casey sighed heavily.

00:52:16I could clearly see the weight bogging her down.

00:52:19How had I not detected it earlier?

00:52:22"'I'm just worried about him.

00:52:24I'm going to tell you something, but it's just between the two of us, okay?'

00:52:28I nodded, leaning in.

00:52:30He stopped seeing the therapist a while back.

00:52:34The information surprised me.

00:52:36Jake had seemed so positive about the sessions.

00:52:39Why would he stop going just when he was seeing results?

00:52:42"'Your turn,' Casey said, a smile forming on her face.

00:52:47I smiled back.

00:52:49It was as if we'd come to an understanding.

00:52:51We were on a level playing field, both carrying secrets the other wanted to know.

00:52:56"'I don't want to get married and have kids, because I already basically raised two, and

00:53:02I have no need for more.'

00:53:04It was a lie, but she didn't need to know everything.

00:53:08Casey seemed to consider what I said, and then nodded like she didn't quite believe

00:53:12me.

00:53:13"'Jake told me you had a lot of responsibility.

00:53:17He feels bad that you had to pick up the slack because of him.'

00:53:20"'He said that?'

00:53:22I whispered, heaviness tugging at my heart.

00:53:25I always hated when he blamed himself for the things he'd had no control over.

00:53:30It wasn't his fault.'

00:53:32"'Well, Jake carries a lot of regrets.'

00:53:35"'Why did he stop seeing the therapist?'

00:53:38I asked.

00:53:39"'All he said was that he didn't feel comfortable going anymore.

00:53:43It was weird because it happened so suddenly.

00:53:46One minute he was totally positive about the progress he was making, and the next he refused

00:53:51to go back.'

00:53:52"'When did this happen?'

00:53:54"'A couple of weeks ago.'

00:53:55Damn it.

00:53:57Now I was worried.

00:53:59When Jake retreated too deeply into his own mind, things got hairy.

00:54:03Did Casey understand this?

00:54:05Could she handle the fallout?

00:54:07Perhaps sensing my concern, she reached over the table to cup my hand.

00:54:11"'It's true.

00:54:13I have been asking Jake questions about you, and, yes, I did ask him to broker this meeting,

00:54:19but it's not because he and I are ganging up on you.

00:54:22I genuinely want to get to know you better.

00:54:24I've never had a sister, and I really want to have that close relationship with you,

00:54:30but I also need you.'

00:54:32"'Why?'

00:54:33"'Because you know Jake.

00:54:35Maybe better than anyone.'

00:54:37I scoffed.

00:54:38"'No, I'm thinking you do.'

00:54:41Casey slowly lifted her head, leveling her serious eyes to challenge mine.

00:54:46"'Who is Glenn?'

00:54:49It was a gut punch of a question that took my breath away.

00:54:52I had to think.

00:54:54What had Jake told her?

00:54:56What could I say about Glenn?

00:54:57Nothing, that's what.

00:54:59"'How do you know about Glenn?'

00:55:02My quivering voice was enough for Casey to drop her own to a near whisper.

00:55:07"'He has notebooks filled with songs in the music room.

00:55:11They're just lying in an unlocked drawer.

00:55:14If they were private, why would he have them in such an open place, right?'

00:55:19"'They're in a drawer.

00:55:21He'd hardly call that open.'

00:55:22"'That's not really the point, now, is it?'

00:55:25"'Okay, so I take it that you read them?'

00:55:28She nodded, a guilty pout puckering her lips.

00:55:32"'I would have liked to lambast her for snooping into Jake's personal property, but I was too

00:55:37anxious for an answer to the Glenn question to wait.

00:55:42This one notebook was pretty old and worn, like he'd spent a lot of time working in it.

00:55:47The writing was dark and chilling, not the stuff he sings up on stage nowadays.

00:55:53I knew immediately these were his private thoughts about the kidnapping.'

00:55:56"'And you didn't shut the notebook and put it back?

00:56:00You know damn well he wouldn't want you reading it.'

00:56:03"'I couldn't help myself.

00:56:05I'm not proud of what I did, but now I've read things that I can't unread.

00:56:10This one song was about Jake watching something bad happen to someone else.

00:56:15He didn't go into specifics.

00:56:18It was more his own feelings about what happened.

00:56:20At first I thought it might have been written about Ray, but then it became clear that Jake

00:56:24seemed to care about whoever this person was.

00:56:27"'Here's where you come in.'

00:56:30At the end of the song was a note in his handwriting that said,

00:56:33"'Never should have told Emma about Glenn.'

00:56:36"'Yes, he should have.'

00:56:39Suddenly I was burning up, my cheeks hot and flushed.

00:56:43Upon seeing my horrified expression, Casey sat back, looking somewhat stunned herself.

00:56:49"'Jesus, Emma.

00:56:51What happened to Glenn?

00:56:53Who was he to Jake?'

00:56:55"'Everything.'

00:56:56I hadn't realized tears were rolling down my cheeks until Casey dabbed them with a napkin.

00:57:02"'Oh God, I didn't mean to upset you.'

00:57:05My sudden waterworks weren't about being hurt.

00:57:08They were about getting caught with a secret and feeling as though I'd been the one who'd

00:57:12blabbed it.

00:57:14Rest assured, my loyalty was absolute.

00:57:17I'd held his truths in silence all these years.

00:57:21In fact, up until just now, I wasn't even sure Jake remembered telling me about Glenn,

00:57:26as we'd never discussed it since.

00:57:28He'd been in a terrible state of mind, ready to end it all.

00:57:32That secret needed to come out, and even though it broke my heart, I listened.

00:57:37I like to think I absorbed some of the pain for him, so that he could go on living."

00:57:42"'Jake's secrets have never been mine to tell,' I said.

00:57:47"'I know that.'

00:57:49And—'

00:57:50My voice was suddenly weary with exhaustion.

00:57:53"'If you think I'm going to betray his trust, you don't know me very well.'

00:57:58"'What I think is that Jake is lucky to have you—to talk to.'

00:58:03"'He doesn't talk to me, Casey.

00:58:06Not like you think he does.

00:58:08When we were younger, there was an... incident, and I basically blackmailed him into talking.

00:58:14We've never discussed the kidnapping since.

00:58:17If you really want to know, bring the notebook to him and ask.

00:58:21But I'm warning you, be prepared for the answer.'

00:58:23"'I don't think this is the right time to push him.

00:58:27Something spooked him into quitting therapy, and all I want is to get him back on track.

00:58:32That's why I asked you to meet me today.

00:58:34I need your help—to help him.

00:58:37But for that to happen, you and I have to be friends—allies.

00:58:42We have to trust each other.

00:58:44So I'll ask again.

00:58:46Why don't you date?

00:58:47For real?'

00:58:49My eyes narrowed in on my future sister-in-law.

00:58:52At this moment, I both hated and admired her.

00:58:56She had me over a barrel because she knew I would do anything for my family—especially

00:59:01Jake—even if it meant revealing why I was determined to go through life a lonely old

00:59:06hag.

00:59:07"'Because, Casey,' I said coldly, 'if I meet a man and fall in love, he will want kids,

00:59:15and I refuse to bring a child into this world if I can't protect it.

00:59:19There.

00:59:20Are you happy now?''

00:59:25Chapter Three

00:59:27Finn, headfirst.

00:59:31I was a toilet baby.

00:59:33You know the ones.

00:59:35You read about them in the news every so often—those innocent little faces looking up at the camera

00:59:39in bewilderment as if to say, um, hello, people.

00:59:44What the fuck just happened here?

00:59:47If a picture had existed of me at that fateful moment, I'd like to think I displayed a little

00:59:51more attitude, maybe even flashing the middle finger salute or something equally as badass,

00:59:57but I'm sure I was just as confused as all the other newborn commode divers who'd come

01:00:01before me.

01:00:03Logic would dictate that since I'd started my life dropping headfirst into the porcelain

01:00:07throne, there really would be nowhere to go but up.

01:00:10But then you wouldn't know my family.

01:00:13My mother, Shelby, who was sixteen years old at the time of my unconventional birth, had

01:00:17kept my existence a guarded secret until I accidentally tumbled out of her vagina on

01:00:21a quick pee break during her shift at Hot Dog on a Stick.

01:00:26The story I'd been told over and over my whole entire life was that after scooping me from

01:00:31the murky depths and cutting the cord on the edges of a sanitary napkin bin, my mother

01:00:36had then shoved my naked body into her tall-striped Hot Dog on a Stick hat and gone back to work.

01:00:43I wish.

01:00:44That would have been the mature thing to do.

01:00:47But Shelby was anything but mature.

01:00:49Instead, my dear old ma wrapped me in a bunch of paper towels and gently laid me in the

01:00:53trash can.

01:00:55I loved how when she retold the story of disposing of me in the garbage bin, she always emphasized

01:01:00the word gently, as if that were more than enough to make up for throwing me the fuck

01:01:05away.

01:01:07Moments after she'd pissed me out of her womb and shoved me into a waste receptacle, Shelby,

01:01:12thinking she was so sly and all, slipped out of the bathroom and resumed her shift in the

01:01:16mall's food court.

01:01:18It took all of two minutes for someone to find me and another ten for the surveillance

01:01:22cameras to identify the young girl in a clown hat who'd walked into the women's bathroom

01:01:26pleasantly plump and exited all shifty-eyed and pasty-faced, leaving a trail of blood

01:01:32in her wake.

01:01:35I eased my aching body into the ice bath, performing the customary gasping-for-breath

01:01:40panic attack I always did when the frigid waters licked up my heated skin and encased

01:01:45my timid gooch.

01:01:47A volley of pornographic words tore from my mouth as I settled into my own personal arctic

01:01:52hell.

01:01:53The throbbing in my ribcage intensified for a few short, excruciating moments before mercifully

01:01:57going numb and giving me the first blessed relief of the day.

01:02:02It was times like this that I wondered if my neonatal toilet plunge had just been a

01:02:06preview of things to come.

01:02:09Certainly I'd spent a fair share of time picking myself up off the bathroom floor, yet for

01:02:13whatever reason I was constantly surprised when things didn't go my way.

01:02:18I guess you could say I was a glass-half-full kind of guy, and despite what my environment

01:02:23and upbringing might have dictated for the future, I'd always thought more of myself.

01:02:29Even as a child, running around unattended in a virtual junkyard, I'd been an optimist.

01:02:35Sure my outdoor playground was a giant pile of trash, but even garbage had its treasures.

01:02:41No way!

01:02:42Check out this broken chair!

01:02:43Take off the legs and it will be perfect for the fort!

01:02:47Or it's still in the wrapper, so of course it's edible.

01:02:50No matter what, I'd get scrapes, bruises, and tetanus shots transforming the landfill

01:02:55pieces into riches, or spend hours throwing up the edible food item.

01:02:59The important thing was that I wasn't afraid to try, and that positive outlook had followed

01:03:04me through the good times and the bad, and had afforded me the unique ability to find

01:03:09fun in all the craziness.

01:03:11Admittedly, the last year had tested my fortitude, chipping away at my idealism.

01:03:17Being a nice guy didn't always work to my advantage, especially when pessimists attached

01:03:21themselves and tried to drag me down with them.

01:03:24Alexis.

01:03:25The memory of her betrayal was still fresh in my mind.

01:03:29Flicking an ice cube off my nipple, I shook my head at the nasty memory.

01:03:33She'd forced me to re-evaluate who I was and what I wanted out of life.

01:03:38One thing I knew for certain, it definitely wasn't this, soaking in a tub of slushy, mind-numbing

01:03:43regret with an icy side of sub-zero balls.

01:03:47Trying to distract my mind from the things I couldn't control, I played back the events

01:03:51of the day and was pissed at myself for not reacting sooner.

01:03:55It was mistakes like these that ended careers, and in my line of work, the ending sometimes

01:04:00proved fatal.

01:04:02Every day was a new bruise or ache or swelling.

01:04:06Some days I loved my job, others, like today, I thought maybe a nice, boring 9-to-5 sounded

01:04:11pretty damn appealing.

01:04:14The bathroom doorknob jiggled.

01:04:15I'm in here, I called out.

01:04:18I gotta shit, my roommate, Richie, said.

01:04:22The desperation in his voice was clear, but I was hardly in the position to vacate the

01:04:26premises quickly.

01:04:28I'm in the tub, I bruised my ribs today at work, give me ten minutes.

01:04:32Oh, can-do fan, I've been prairie-doggin' it since Orange County.

01:04:35Oh, sweet Jesus, panic consumed me.

01:04:40A shit-needy Richie was not something I ever messed with, at least not since the freeway

01:04:44shark debacle of 2014.

01:04:47I now clearly understood that when my roommate had to go, he had to go.

01:04:52We'd been driving down the freeway on our way back from San Diego when a simple, harmless

01:04:56fart went horribly awry.

01:04:59Before I even understood what was happening, Richie was sitting in a pile of crap, and

01:05:02I was hanging out the passenger side window trying to keep from passing out.

01:05:07With few options, Richie stepped on the gas and swerved through traffic to get us to safety.

01:05:12The lights and sirens of the motorcycle cop behind us could not have come at a more inopportune

01:05:16time.

01:05:17License and registration, please, do you know how fast you were going back there?

01:05:22The officer started in on his standard spiel before taking a whiff of the vehicle's interior.

01:05:27His eyes immediately watered over as he covered his nose with his gloved hand.

01:05:31Good lord, son, you need to eat more fiber.

01:05:35So amused was the officer at Richie's predicament that he gave us a police escort to the nearest

01:05:39gas station and let us off with a warning, explaining through his uncontrolled laughter

01:05:44that we had bigger issues at hand.

01:05:47The pounding on the bathroom door jarred me back to my present Richie-induced predicament.

01:05:51Okay, I'm getting out, I said, gripping the sides of the tub and gritting my teeth with

01:05:56the effort it took to lift my battered body out of the water.

01:06:00Just give me one second.

01:06:01I can't wait, I'm popping the lock.

01:06:05Richie grunted like a sumo wrestler intimidating the competition.

01:06:08No, you aren't.

01:06:10Sorry, dude, I've crowned, you're getting company, like it or not.

01:06:14Not.

01:06:16Naked and exposed, with my ice-shamed dick retracted up into my throat, the last thing

01:06:21I craved was companionship of any kind, and especially not the foul-smelling kind Richie

01:06:25was offering.

01:06:27The lock rattled as I grabbed for my towel.

01:06:29My roommate, his face beet red and sweaty, burst through the door, his pants already

01:06:34around his ankles.

01:06:36We wore matching horrified expressions.

01:06:38Do not, I demanded, scrambling for safety.

01:06:43He did.

01:06:44Yes, it was days like this that optimism came in handy.

01:06:49While I could have chosen to beat my roommate to a bloody pulp, I decided that getting even

01:06:53with him when he'd least expect it—like, say, when he was sleeping—would bring me

01:06:58more pleasure.

01:07:00The monster mask I'd seen lying around work in the police siren app should do the trick.

01:07:04You want to get some burritos?

01:07:08Richie asked, all freshly showered and feeling good.

01:07:11His megawatt smile told me he'd completely marginalized our bathroom meet-and-greet,

01:07:16no matter that our dual nakedness in such a confined space had come dangerously close

01:07:20to crossing the gay line.

01:07:24Mexican food seems like a bold choice for a man who's just given birth to a ten-pound

01:07:27baby turd.

01:07:29You'd think, he said, slapping his hard abs, but I'm good as new.

01:07:35Of course he was.

01:07:36Nothing fazed him.

01:07:38Whereas I had a tendency to fall flat on my face, Richie always made a graceful landing.

01:07:42What do you say?

01:07:43My treat?

01:07:45Richie and I had been friends for eight years now, and had been roommates on and off for

01:07:49most of them.

01:07:50We'd met on the audition trail while still struggling young actors.

01:07:54Little had changed except the fact that we'd gotten older and the trail had become overgrown

01:07:58with weeds.

01:08:00At least for me.

01:08:01I'd all but given up on my starry-eyed delusions.

01:08:04Richie, having been only slightly more successful in his pursuit of stardom, was still plugging

01:08:09along and had just recently wrapped up a movie where he'd played a brutal gang thug.

01:08:14It wasn't the first time he'd been cast in such a role, and it always made me laugh to

01:08:18watch him rough people up on camera when the closest he'd ever come to a fight in real

01:08:22life was when the middle-aged lady next door accused us of piggybacking off her internet

01:08:26connection.

01:08:27Hey, we were between carriers.

01:08:31Richard Cortez III was no badass.

01:08:34The privileged son of a very successful businessman and his fashion designer wife, Richie hadn't

01:08:39grown up on the mean streets of Compton but in the lap of luxury in a gated oceanfront

01:08:43community.

01:08:45Seeing him so convincingly nail the role of a vicious Mexican drug lord hours after getting

01:08:49a salon pedicure attested to his exceptional acting skills.

01:08:54More impressive was the fact that he'd been typecast to play south-of-the-border characters

01:08:58presumably because of his Latino heritage, even though he spoke less Spanish than I did.

01:09:03Still, I was happy my friend got any work at all.

01:09:07Being an unemployed actor was not for the faint of heart, and Richie pounded that pavement

01:09:11full-time, never giving up hope that his moment to shine was waiting right around the bend.

01:09:16Of course, it helped that he had the world's most supportive and deep-pocketed parents.

01:09:21At least they had been up until a month and a half ago, when their patience finally ran

01:09:24out.

01:09:25Eight years of financially supporting their son's dream turned out to be the cut-off point.

01:09:30They'd been warning him for years before finally delivering the ultimatum.

01:09:34Get a real job or find a different funding source.

01:09:37Honestly, I was surprised it took them that long.

01:09:41He was, after all, a twenty-six-year-old man.

01:09:44Even so, Richie had never actually believed his parents would follow through on their

01:09:48threats, even after they stopped paying his portion of the rent.

01:09:52It wasn't until the eviction notice went up that he finally understood.

01:09:55His safety net was gone.

01:09:57Forced out of our pricey Hollywood duplex bungalow, a comfortable five-minute walk into

01:10:01the beating heart of the most eclectic wild scene in Los Angeles, we now found ourselves

01:10:06in a cramped little apartment a few miles down the road.

01:10:10And those were significant miles, given that an evening stroll in this area could culminate

01:10:14in a violent death.

01:10:16Whether he liked it or not, Richie was finally getting the gangland training he portrayed

01:10:20so convincingly on television.

01:10:23And let me tell you, he didn't like it one bit.

01:10:26As you might imagine, my spoiled roomie was taking the move pretty hard.

01:10:31I'd grown up in squalor, so this wasn't a huge stretch for me.

01:10:35That being said, even I couldn't wait for Richie to get his act together so we could

01:10:38get the hell out of here.

01:10:40Sure, I could have spotted him the money for a few months to stay in the other place, but

01:10:44I had visions of becoming my roommate's new sugar daddy.

01:10:47Besides, I felt a sense of duty to do my part in supporting his maturation to adulthood.

01:10:54And what better way than to dump him into the middle of his own personal hell?

01:10:58Richie and I drove out of the sketchy parking garage in his black, pimped-out Mercedes,

01:11:03one of the many gifts his parents had allowed him to keep.

01:11:06After all, you needed to wean these types of children off life support slowly and with

01:11:09the utmost care.

01:11:11Hey, did you see that redhead in apartment 675?

01:11:15She's pretty hot for a crack whore, plus she offered to blow me for ten dollars.

01:11:19Is that a good deal on these parts?

01:11:20I can't tell.

01:11:22I tilted my head to the side, eyebrows tinted in surprise.

01:11:26It depends on whether she's got any teeth or not.

01:11:30Richie winced and reached down to cup his nuts with one hand as he drove.

01:11:34Well, thanks for that, Finn.

01:11:35You just blew that bucket list item for me.

01:11:38You put a blowjob from a toothless crackhead on your bucket list?

01:11:42Dude, come on.

01:11:44I didn't specify the number of teeth.

01:11:47I snorted my amusement.

01:11:48Hey, it's my bucket list.

01:11:51Okay, whatever.

01:11:52Hey, wait, are you talking about that redhead with four kids who lives across the hall?

01:11:58I asked, a smirk lurking on the edges of my lips.

01:12:02Richie caught my condescending expression.

01:12:04Look, you told me I needed to start thinking more positively, so you know, all I'm saying

01:12:09is for a meth addict who may or may not have teeth and who squeezed four humans out of

01:12:14her snatch, she's not half bad.

01:12:16While my instinct was to laugh in his face, Richie was right.

01:12:19He was trying to be more optimistic in his roundabout, offensive way, and he certainly

01:12:24deserved some recognition for that.

01:12:28There you go.

01:12:29I complimented.

01:12:30Way to look at the bright side of our new living situation.

01:12:33Next time I see the neighbor, I'll be sure to take a closer look.

01:12:37Thank you, he grinned.

01:12:40That's all I'm asking.

01:12:42Richie pulled into the restaurant and made sure to park his car away from all the others.

01:12:46His upper class vehicle was too good to sit side by side with the low to middle class

01:12:50ones.

01:12:51It was the one snobby thing Richie could still control in his rapidly changing world, so

01:12:56I didn't push him, even though that meant a longer walk for me.

01:13:00I painstakingly eased my body out of the car and gingerly shuffled my way through the parking

01:13:04lot.

01:13:05Could you stand up straight?

01:13:07Richie scolded.

01:13:08You're embarrassing me.

01:13:11Maybe if you hadn't parked in a different county, I wouldn't be in this position.

01:13:14I mean, was that really necessary?

01:13:16At some point your Mercedes is going to have to play nice with all the other automobiles.

01:13:20Don't push it, Finn.

01:13:21You know this is still hard for me.

01:13:23It wasn't like he'd been sent to a fiery hell.

01:13:26Richie just needed a reality check and a paying job.

01:13:30Those were two things I never left home without.

01:13:33Everything I was and would ever be came down to me and how hard I was willing to work for

01:13:37it.

01:13:38There was that optimism again, that anything is possible attitude.

01:13:42I must have been born with it because certainly nothing in my childhood had afforded me the

01:13:46healthy self-esteem I enjoyed.

01:13:49I watched in amusement as Richie pushed the alarm button on his car for the twelfth time.

01:13:54We were too far away for it to pick up the signal.

01:13:57Do you think I should run back and check?

01:14:00It's locked.

01:14:01Relax.

01:14:02But he didn't.

01:14:03Richie's eyes darted in every direction, attempting to ward off danger with every cautious step.

01:14:09Just because we weren't in his neck of the woods didn't mean everyone was out to get

01:14:12him.

01:14:13I'd tried to explain that to him, but my roommate was too paranoid to care.

01:14:18Growing up, I never would have predicted I'd be friends with a guy like Richie.

01:14:22On paper, he was an entitled, clueless elitist, but after years of friendship, I knew Richie

01:14:27was more than his exterior.

01:14:29I'd seen him run into a grocery store to buy food for a homeless man and stop traffic on

01:14:33a busy street to help a mother duck and her ducklings get to the other side.

01:14:38Sure Richie was spoiled, but he was not without his merits.

01:14:42Hunched, fevered, and groaning, I finally made it over the threshold into the restaurant

01:14:47and had to grip the counter to steady myself.

01:14:49I realized I was being a giant pussy, but at that point I really didn't care.

01:14:54I was hurting, and I wanted the world to hurt with me.

01:14:57So, what happened this time?

01:15:00Richie asked, with an overly exaggerated sigh, as if he'd been actively avoiding the question

01:15:06because my pain was such a nuisance to him.

01:15:09Somehow I'd become the boy who cried wolf, and clearly I needed bigger and better injuries

01:15:13to impress him nowadays.

01:15:16Today had just been another day at the office, car chases, fistfights, and fifty foot falls.

01:15:22That was my job.

01:15:23If you hadn't already guessed, I was a stuntman, and judging by injuries alone, not a very

01:15:28good one.

01:15:29My side career had started as a fluke while on set for a part in a horror movie.

01:15:34I was playing murder victim number four.

01:15:36Honestly, I was surprised to have made it that far.

01:15:40Typically I played the asshole boyfriend, and we all knew what happened to them in slasher

01:15:43flicks.

01:15:45But luck was on my side in this particular movie when the casting department unintentionally

01:15:49hired two jock guys.

01:15:51Lining us up side by side, they deemed me the less douchey of the two and slapped some

01:15:55glasses on my face, instantly transforming me into the nerdy best friend, and effectively

01:16:00buying me a few more minutes of air time before my inescapable death.

01:16:05On the day in question, while waiting for my scene to film, I was fooling around with

01:16:08some of the other actors when I ran up a wall and did a flip.

01:16:12With my background in gymnastics and a daredevil mentality, the stunt coordinator on set honed

01:16:17in on my potential and convinced me to give stunt performing a try.

01:16:21That was four years ago, and now it was my primary line of work.

01:16:25It turned out that risking my life on a daily basis paid pretty damn well, which also made

01:16:30giving it up all the more difficult even as the injuries continued to pile up.

01:16:35My body was tired, and at the rate I was going, I'd be paralyzed in no time.

01:16:40Every day I told myself I was going to quit and find myself a less dangerous profession,

01:16:44like coal mining or deep-sea fishing.

01:16:48Bruised a few ribs jumping off a bridge, I hit the water wrong.

01:16:52A bridge?

01:16:54Richie laughed.

01:16:55They might as well just finish you off now.

01:16:58I nodded.

01:17:00At least the x-ray showed no breaks this time.

01:17:02Ah, yes, the silver lining.

01:17:05This has got to be some sort of a record.

01:17:07What is it now, four or five trips to the ER since January?

01:17:12Five.

01:17:13With any luck, I'll be dead soon.

01:17:16What is it with you and living dangerously?

01:17:17I can't even walk from the car to the restaurant without freaking out, and you're flinging

01:17:21yourself off bridges, he said, shaking his head.

01:17:25After Alexis and all her jacked up crazy, I figured you'd dial it down a notch.

01:17:29But not you, Finn.

01:17:31Oh no, you're just a glutton for punishment.

01:17:34What can I say?

01:17:35I'm an action junkie.

01:17:38My bravado had just the right amount of cocky swagger.

01:17:41It was what Richie expected from me, so I acted the part even though I hated the way

01:17:45things had played out over the past year.

01:17:47It felt like I'd been going at full speed for way too long, and I wanted nothing more

01:17:52than to slow things down, maybe even leave Los Angeles behind for good.

01:17:56I was ready for a simpler life, and I wanted to settle down and start a family.

01:18:01I keep telling you to go out on auditions again.

01:18:04Yeah, well, someone needs to be working or we'll get kicked out of this place too.

01:18:09You insult me.

01:18:10I've always got some trick up my sleeve.

01:18:13I predict we'll be back in the lap of luxury in no time.

01:18:16Mark my words, Finn.

01:18:18We ordered our burritos, and then I lumbered to my seat and slowly lowered my tormented

01:18:22body onto the unforgiving plastic, wincing and whining dramatically.

01:18:27Jesus, sweetheart, how many centimeters are you dilated?

01:18:31You know, maybe I might be more physically pleasing if your ass explosion hadn't forced

01:18:35me to abandon my ice bath.

01:18:37Oh, yeah, about that.

01:18:40Is this a good time to discuss your shrinkage?

01:18:43I was submerged in ice.

01:18:44You'd be so lucky to have my package.

01:18:47On a warm day.

01:18:48Uh-huh, you tell yourself that, if it makes you feel better.

01:18:51But we both know the truth.

01:18:54A couple of young, college-age women at an adjacent table made eye contact.

01:18:59I'd been watching my entire spectacle in amusement.

01:19:02I mustered the energy to smile in their direction and was rewarded with two dazzling ones back.

01:19:07Looks painful, the shorter blonde said, running her eyes over my beaten-up body.

01:19:13I hope the other guy got it worse.

01:19:16Sadly, there was no other guy.

01:19:18His girlfriend beats him, Richie said, always eager to jump into a conversation when coeds

01:19:24were involved.

01:19:26This is an intervention.

01:19:28And at Chipotle?

01:19:29The taller blonde asked.

01:19:31Shouldn't you take him to a shelter or hospital or something?

01:19:35I was hungry.

01:19:37Richie shrugged.

01:19:39Both women laughed at his deadpan comment and then turned their attention back on me.

01:19:43That was the way it usually went down.

01:19:45Richie was the comic relief, but I always got the girl.

01:19:48Well, if you need someone to nurse the wounds, one offered.

01:19:53I realized then that I could probably get myself one, if not two, nursery maids for

01:19:58the night, but I was not in any shape for beautiful women.

01:20:01I had a date with my pain medications tonight, and I planned on showing them a really good

01:20:05time.

01:20:06Thanks for the offer, but, you know, I've got the intervention and all.

01:20:11Oh, right, well, if you change your mind...

01:20:15She pulled a pen out of her purse, wrote her number on a receipt, and walked over and handed

01:20:19it to me.

01:20:20I smiled and nodded, giving her the reassurance that I might just reconsider her offer at

01:20:25a later date, even though I had no intention of doing so whatsoever.

01:20:29That was me, always the nice guy.

01:20:32Why spend the energy being rude to people when a smile and nod took so much less effort?

01:20:37Redirecting my focus on Richie, who'd been glancing between the women and myself, I narrowed

01:20:42in on his wide-eyed expression.

01:20:44What?

01:20:46Unbelievable.

01:20:47He shook his head.

01:20:49You're whining like a bitch and you still get the girl.

01:20:51I swear I could have rolled you in here in a coffin and you'd get more action than me.

01:20:56Speaking of that, have I ever told you about the slasher flick I was in where I played

01:20:59a corpse who actually did get some action?

01:21:01Yeah, I saw that one.

01:21:04Disgusting, if you ask me.

01:21:06Richie said, cringing.

01:21:09Have any of your characters ever survived an entire movie?

01:21:12Once, but not without a few missing limbs.

01:21:15You really need to audition for some less lethal roles.

01:21:18Play up those leading man looks, bro, before you'd totally jack up your face.

01:21:22I have auditioned for those parts.

01:21:25Can I help it if the only people who want to hire me also want to rip out my intestines

01:21:28and bludgeon me to death?

01:21:30No, I guess not.

01:21:33Although I don't think you're faring much better in your current role as a stuntman.

01:21:37You know you have a black eye, right?

01:21:39Do I?

01:21:40Recently, I'd noticed that pain had a tendency to rally around one spot at a time, making

01:21:45all the other injuries pale in comparison.

01:21:48I gently touched the area around my eye and winced when I found the offending spot.

01:21:53Is it bad?

01:21:55He laughed, glancing back over at the women still staring in my direction.

01:22:00Apparently not.

01:22:01Great.

01:22:02I'll use it to slay the ladies this weekend.

01:22:05Yeah, about that, my roommate said, visibly squirming.

01:22:10What?

01:22:11You better not be flaking on me.

01:22:13I glared at Richie, knowing that whatever was about to come out of his mouth would not

01:22:16benefit me.

01:22:18Remember when I said that I had something up my sleeve?

01:22:21You mean from one minute ago?

01:22:22Yeah, I remember.

01:22:24I got a job.

01:22:25No way, really?

01:22:26You got the cable network pilot?

01:22:29Not exactly.

01:22:31Then what?

01:22:32I got booked for the weekend to escort a rich divorcee to some out-of-town wedding.

01:22:38The words he spoke took time to filter through my brain, but when they finally made their

01:22:42glorious appearance, my eyes bugged out of their sockets.

01:22:46You're a male escort?

01:22:49I must have said it louder than I'd intended, as both women's heads turned away from me

01:22:53and settled squarely on Richie.

01:22:55All of the sudden, he was the most interesting trainwreck in the room, and they were sufficiently

01:22:59awestruck.

01:23:01After all, it's not every day you get to see a well-dressed, articulate streetwalker.

01:23:05Would you keep it down? he whispered, glancing around at the other patrons.

01:23:10Jesus.

01:23:12This is awesome, Richie, I said, grinning from ear to ear.

01:23:16I always knew you had it in you.

01:23:18Shut up.

01:23:19It's not what you think.

01:23:20Well, that's a relief, because you really don't want to know what I was thinking.

01:23:24What exactly are you expected to do with her?

01:23:29Whatever she wants, within limits, of course.

01:23:32I...

01:23:33Wow.

01:23:34How much does your pimp get paid?

01:23:36Haha, very funny.

01:23:38I hadn't been joking.

01:23:40Did Richie fully grasp what he'd committed himself to?

01:23:43He obviously caught my skeptical expression.

01:23:46It's an agency.

01:23:48Totally legit.

01:23:49You really should try it.

01:23:50Easy money.

01:23:51Uh-huh.

01:23:52I think I'll stick to bridge jumping.

01:23:54It seems less dangerous.

01:23:56Are you sure you've thought this through?

01:23:58I mean, once you do this, you can't take it back.

01:24:01I'm not a prostitute, Finn.

01:24:03Actually, if you have sex with her, you sort of are.

01:24:06I get paid for my time, not sex, but if she's hot and wants it, I say why not.

01:24:11I'll throw it in as a freebie.

01:24:13And if she's not hot, I'll probably still throw it in.

01:24:17My standards aren't real high.

01:24:19Thinking back to his crack-whore crush, I had to agree.

01:24:23It sounds like you have it all figured out, but what the hell am I supposed to do about

01:24:27the weekend?

01:24:28I can't go by myself.

01:24:29Are you not listening to me?

01:24:31By the end of this weekend, I'll have enough money to buy us both a one-way ticket out

01:24:34of hell.

01:24:35Besides, how hard can it be to find someone to buy my ticket?

01:24:38It's the Sun Desert Music Festival.

01:24:42As it turned out, finding a new wingman proved more difficult than I'd imagined.

01:24:47Not one of my buddies could commit to a last-minute weekend concert.

01:24:51The majority of my friends had responsibilities greater than themselves and were now married,

01:24:55some even with children on the way.

01:24:58They couldn't be acting like an aimless bachelor anymore.

01:25:01I envied them.

01:25:02Where they were was the place I'd expected to be by now.

01:25:06Thanks, Alexis.

01:25:07The swift kick to my gut reminded me of her heartless deception.

01:25:12Maybe it was best to just cancel the whole damn weekend.

01:25:14I could try hawking the tickets on Hollywood Boulevard, the place where Richie had bought

01:25:18them from a scalper a few weeks before.

01:25:21But I needed this mini-vacation more than I wanted to admit.

01:25:24What with the breakup, my brother's most recent imprisonment, and all the damn injuries, I

01:25:29needed a little fun in my life, and the jacked-up energy of a music festival would be the perfect

01:25:34antidote.

01:25:35Music, alcohol, and women—that should bring my optimism levels back up to brimming.

01:25:41Certainly it would have been easier to find a trip buddy if I were to expand my search

01:25:44criteria to include females, but would defeat the purpose of the trip.

01:25:49Richie and I had planned to spend the weekend drinking and trolling for women, and although

01:25:53it wouldn't be as fun without him, I decided to hold firm to that approach even if it meant

01:25:58going it alone.

01:26:01We watched My Bloody Bachelor again last night.

01:26:04I'll never understand why you went into the pool house in the first place.

01:26:07I mean, you clearly saw the headless body floating in the water, Shelby said, disappointment

01:26:12clear in her judgmental voice.

01:26:14Haven't I taught you anything?

01:26:17I could argue with my mother and explain to her for the thousandth time that it was my

01:26:20character, not me, who'd made the reckless decision to go into the pool house, but she

01:26:25wouldn't listen.

01:26:27As far as my mother was concerned, every on-screen death I'd suffered was my own damn fault.

01:26:31What do you want, Shelby?

01:26:34This conversation was going nowhere, and I only had a few minutes before the pain meds

01:26:38kicked in.

01:26:39Once that happened, I'd be like one of those sticky hands you flung against a wall and

01:26:43then watched as they grotesquely disengaged and oozed to the floor.

01:26:48What I want is to see you in a movie where you don't get brutally murdered.

01:26:52Is that so much to ask?

01:26:54Yes.

01:26:55Yes, it is.

01:26:56Yes.

01:26:57Gliding my fingers over the end button, I apprehensively awaited the reason for the

01:27:00interruption.

01:27:01I only ever heard from her when she wanted something, and I understood that this conversation

01:27:06would be no different.

01:27:08Did you call for something specific?

01:27:10I asked.

01:27:12There was no point in delaying the inevitable.

01:27:14Whatever she wanted was going to cost me.

01:27:17I just needed the dollar amount so I could go to bed.

01:27:20Can I borrow your car this weekend?

01:27:22My car?

01:27:23I blurted out.

01:27:25No, not that.

01:27:27Anything but that.

01:27:28Do you want to borrow my charger?

01:27:30I...

01:27:31No, I don't think so.

01:27:33One might think my reluctance to loan her my vehicle stemmed from her decision to throw

01:27:37me away as a baby, but Shelby's earliest mistakes had long been forgiven, if not for any other

01:27:42reason than the fact that all her later mistakes made my toilet birth seem tame.

01:27:48Come on, I need it for a work trip.

01:27:49Mine is still in the shop.

01:27:51Please, Indy, you can take your brother's pickup truck.

01:27:54Okay, first of all, I've been going by Finn for eight years now.

01:27:58Why is it so hard for you to get my name straight?

01:28:01And secondly, I can't loan you my car because I'm going to a concert this weekend and will

01:28:05probably be using it as my hotel room.

01:28:08All the more reason to take the truck.

01:28:10It runs great.

01:28:11It's actually way better for you because you can bring a mattress and sleep on the flatbed.

01:28:15Besides, you don't want me breaking down on a freeway in the middle of Los Angeles, do

01:28:19you?

01:28:20Hold on, I thought you said the pickup worked fine, but now you're basically saying it's

01:28:23going to break down on me.

01:28:25Which one is it?

01:28:27Even though I planned to put up a fight, I already knew my mother would manipulate me

01:28:30into submission.

01:28:31She always did because, like it or not, denying Shelby came with its own set of problems.

01:28:37Ones I'd always been ill-equipped to deal with.

01:28:39See, the thing about my mother was that every decision she made or any transaction she brokered

01:28:45was always done entirely for her own benefit.

01:28:48I figured this out in early infancy when I'd been tossed out with the trash, yet it never

01:28:52ceased to amaze me how I still routinely fell for her self-serving tricks.

01:28:57It drives like a charm, no worries, I just meant that it's not used to freeways.

01:29:02My head spun on its axis as the pain in my bones began to dull.

01:29:07A warm, zen-like sensation was quickly frosting over my brain.

01:29:11Focus.

01:29:13Did she just say it was not used to freeways?

01:29:16I shook my head clear.

01:29:18It was a motor vehicle.

01:29:20My Shelby bullshit radar was now spinning and flashing red warning lights.

01:29:24I knew when she was about to screw me over, and clearly this was one of those times.

01:29:29I'll be driving on a freeway.

01:29:31Yes, but you're a man, if you break down, not that I'm saying you will, but if you did,

01:29:36at least you wouldn't have to worry about a creep having his way with you.

01:29:40How would you feel if some psycho dumped my body in a wooded area off the 5 freeway?

01:29:44Honestly, Shelby, I think I'd be relieved.

01:29:49Perhaps the drugs were making me too candid, but Shelby took no offense.

01:29:53In fact, she acted as if it was the funniest thing I'd said all year.

01:29:57I laughed along with her.

01:29:59Yes, it was just a joke.

01:30:02Funny me.

01:30:03But with the laughter came a fading resolve.

01:30:06Dammit, she had her claws in me now.

01:30:09It was only a matter of time before I was on the losing end of this deal.

01:30:13Chalk another one up for Shelby, the puppet master.

01:30:17Maybe it was already blatantly obvious, but I'll say it anyway.

01:30:20Shelby and I were mother and son on paper alone.

01:30:23For all other purposes, we were more like a pair of dysfunctional siblings, or more

01:30:28pointedly a prison guard and death row inmate.

01:30:31It was Shelby's mother and grandmother who had done most of the raising, if you could

01:30:35call it that.

01:30:37Mostly I'd just run wild with all the other kids who came and went.

01:30:40Parenting was somewhat optional in my extended family, and done only when the adult had no

01:30:44other choice but to get involved.

01:30:47Growing up, I'd been on a first-name basis with each and every child protective services

01:30:51worker in the area.

01:30:53By all standards, I'd had an unconventional upbringing.

01:30:56As a mother, Shelby sucked.

01:30:58She couldn't take care of herself, much less the baby she'd nearly flushed down the toilet.

01:31:03But custody hadn't been handed over to her after my unconventional birth anyway.

01:31:07It was Misty, my grandmother, only thirty-three at the time, who got that honor.

01:31:12She was only fifteen herself when Shelby was born, and her own mother, Gigi, had raised

01:31:16the baby.

01:31:17In a way, it was a time-honored tradition in our family for the mothers of the teen

01:31:21moms to raise the baby of the following generation.

01:31:25That was just how it was done.

01:31:27Not to say Misty was some great caretaker, as she was more interested in her revolving

01:31:31door of boyfriends and husbands than me, but clearly she was a better choice than Shelby,

01:31:36who more than once had forgotten where she'd left me while out on shopping trips.

01:31:41And besides, I said, I don't think there are any wooded areas off the Five Freeway

01:31:45in Los Angeles.

01:31:47It was just an example, she huffed.

01:31:50My body could be dumped anywhere, at any time.

01:31:54That was Shelby, always overly dramatic.

01:31:57No wonder I was drawn to acting with the role model I'd had growing up.

01:32:02I have a bad feeling about this.

01:32:04I wasn't sure why I was stalling.

01:32:06It wasn't like it would make a difference.

01:32:09Come on, Andy, how often do I ask you for anything?

01:32:12Um, all the time.

01:32:14I loaned you three hundred dollars last week.

01:32:16Oh, was that a loan?

01:32:18I wasn't aware.

01:32:20They're all loans, Shelby, you just never pay them back.

01:32:24You're rich, you don't need all that money anyway.

01:32:27I laughed at that.

01:32:29I made a pretty good living for a single guy, but I was nowhere near rich.

01:32:32Hell, I wasn't even in six figures.

01:32:35Of course, when you compared my income to hers, I guess I could see where she could

01:32:38come up with that hypothesis.

01:32:40If, and I mean if, I loan you my car, it would be with the assumption that the junkyard number

01:32:47you're unloading will get me where I'm going on time.

01:32:50Can you promise me that?

01:32:52I swear on my life.

01:32:54Because this weekend is important to me, Shelby.

01:32:57I know, I promise.

01:32:59I'm not joking.

01:33:01If you're saddling me with a shitty drive just so yours will be pleasantly air-conditioned

01:33:05and murder-free, I swear to God, I'll make you pay.

01:33:10I won't let you down.

01:33:12I could almost see the victory smirk on her face, and now that she'd gotten what she'd

01:33:16called for, the conversation shifted to how much more she could squeeze out of me.

01:33:21So can you bring your car by Friday morning?

01:33:23Me?

01:33:24You're the one who wants it.

01:33:25Why don't you come to me?

01:33:27Silence.

01:33:28Shelby?

01:33:29Come on, Indy, it's out of my way.

01:33:32Like fifteen minutes out of your way.

01:33:34Gigi and the kids want to see you.

01:33:37Is a little drive going to kill you?

01:33:39Shelby asked, sighing.

01:33:40Besides, you have the whole week off.

01:33:43Because I'm injured, it's not a vacation.

01:33:46It might as well be.

01:33:48You know, for being a full-grown man, you sure are a crybaby.

01:33:51You called me, I said, bristling.

01:33:55I was all happy not talking to you, and then the phone rang, and now you're insulting me

01:34:00while trying to make a deal.

01:34:02You're slipping, Shelby.

01:34:03Oh, please, I'm at the top of my game, as always.

01:34:06Besides, you know it's true, you take more crap than anyone I know.

01:34:11What's that supposed to mean?

01:34:13Don't make me say it, Shelby groaned.

01:34:17I waited, knowing she would say it whether I gave her permission or not.

01:34:21I'm talking about the skank.

01:34:24There it was.

01:34:25I was surprised it had taken her so long to bring it up.

01:34:29It really was Shelby's favorite subject, even though our relationship had been over

01:34:32for some time now.

01:34:34I couldn't understand why she wanted to continually harp on the past.

01:34:38It's over.

01:34:39Let it go.

01:34:40What did you see in her, anyway?

01:34:42She's not worth the pile of shit she stands in.

01:34:45I gave Shelby's comment more thought than it deserved before saying,

01:34:49Are you done now?

01:34:51Am I done?

01:34:52Not really, Indy.

01:34:53I know her type.

01:34:54Hell, I am her type.

01:34:56I mean, who do you know who's more qualified to call out a skank than me?

01:35:00She had a point.

01:35:02Shelby really was their beloved leader.

01:35:04This was the woman who'd appeared not once, but twice on the Who's My Baby Daddy segment

01:35:09of the Maury Povich Show and still couldn't figure out who the hell my daddy was.

01:35:14I'm not trying to shit on you.

01:35:16All I'm saying is, she made your life a living hell, and you don't need her whoring kind

01:35:20in your life.

01:35:21You're lucky to be rid of her.

01:35:24She didn't have to tell me that.

01:35:25I already knew.

01:35:27When it came right down to it, Alexis was just a glorified and better-looking version

01:35:32of Shelby.

01:35:33She'd taken over my entire life, systematically alienating me from all my friends and dangling

01:35:38lies over my head to keep me in my place.

01:35:41I'd wasted so much time on her and came out of it with nothing.

01:35:45Indy, you okay?

01:35:48Snapping out of my medicated daydream, I changed the subject to something I knew would be more

01:35:52agreeable to Shelby.

01:35:54Okay, I'll come by Friday morning, but I expect you to drop my car off here Sunday afternoon.

01:35:59Deal?

01:36:00You're the best, Indy.

01:36:01I don't know what I'd do without you.

01:36:04Neither did I, because honestly, she asked for a hell of a lot more than she ever gave.

01:36:09Stop calling me Indy.

01:36:10Why not?

01:36:11I love your name, Ind—

01:36:14No!

01:36:15If you're going to start up with that shit, then I'm calling you Mom.

01:36:18Oh, please, I'm too young to be your mom.

01:36:21Except you are.

01:36:22Technically, yes.

01:36:24There's no technically about it, I said, my voice rising a pitch.

01:36:30Yeah, well, no one would believe a hottie like me would have a twenty-six-year-old son.

01:36:34Okay, Mom, whatever you say.

01:36:39Mother Nature had nothing on me.

01:36:41Lying face down on my pillow in a puddle of drool, I hadn't even felt the earthquaking

01:36:45until Richie added to the rumbling by shaking my shoulders.

01:36:48Dude, wake up!

01:36:51Earthquake!

01:36:52The painkillers doing their job beautifully, I groaned my displeasure at the REM interruption

01:36:56while raising my hand to swat him away.

01:36:58Finn, come on, it's still going.

01:37:00This is a strong one.

01:37:03Honestly at that point, I wouldn't have cared if Los Angeles detached from the mainland.

01:37:07I was not getting out of my nice cozy bed.

01:37:10Let it kill me.

01:37:12A picture on my shelf tumbled to the floor, and the sound of breaking glass in the distance

01:37:16pierced through my drugged-out coma.

01:37:19Finn!

01:37:20Richie!

01:37:21I said, waking just enough to give him a proper geological tongue-lashing.

01:37:27What did I tell you about earthquakes?

01:37:29I won't evacuate for anything less than a six on the Richter scale.

01:37:33Yeah, I know that, but we aren't living in Utopia anymore.

01:37:36We've got a fucking meth lab next door.

01:37:38Oh, shit.

01:37:40I shot to my feet, confused.

01:37:43Richie grabbed me by my arm and steered me toward the front door.

01:37:46The shaking had stopped, but by then we were already in the hallway in our underwear.

01:37:50Our similarly startled neighbors were also exiting their apartments.

01:37:54A few wary souls were already racing for the nearest exits, praying as they clutched their

01:37:58rosary beads.

01:38:00Those were the out-of-towners.

01:38:02The rest of us battle-tested California natives milled around, assessing the damage.

01:38:07No smoke, no exploding drug crystals, no upstairs neighbor dangling from a hole in the ceiling.

01:38:14I turned to Richie.

01:38:16You got me out of bed for that?

01:38:18The red-headed crack-whore came out of her apartment, dragging a bunch of kids.

01:38:22She took one look at Richie and me, half-naked in the hallway, and shook her head, smiling.

01:38:27I can now safely report she had a solid mouthful of teeth.

01:38:30Would you boys take that shit inside?

01:38:33Confused, I glanced to Richie and got my first real look at him and his shimmering gold bikini

01:38:39briefs.

01:38:40What the?

01:38:41What are you wearing?

01:38:42I was trying on stuff for this weekend when the earthquake struck.

01:38:46And you couldn't slip on some pants?

01:38:48Excuse me for thinking of you first and trying to save your life.

01:38:52You really should be more grateful, the crack-whore said, addressing me as she nodded toward Richie.

01:38:58You've got a man who puts you first.

01:39:00Right?

01:39:02Richie said, flamboyantly waving his arms around.

01:39:04I try to tell him how lucky he is, but sometimes he's just so selfish.

01:39:08Ugh.

01:39:09I'm going back to bed.

01:39:11A six, Richie.

01:39:13Do not wake me up for anything less.

01:39:15Goddammit.

01:39:16I needed a girlfriend.

01:39:22CHAPTER FOUR

01:39:24EMMA 2004

01:39:2648 HOURS

01:39:2748 hours.

01:39:31It was the most crucial period of time in a stranger abduction case.

01:39:36That was what the police officer said.

01:39:39If Jake wasn't found in those few hours, his chances of survival greatly decreased.

01:39:44Again, that was what he said.

01:39:47It couldn't be right.

01:39:49Jake had just disappeared, and now he was already being given a countdown to his death?

01:39:54No.

01:39:55This couldn't be happening.

01:39:57We all stood there dumbfounded, still trying to make sense of what was unfolding before

01:40:01us, and then this horribly grim statistic, delivered in the most heartless and matter-of-fact

01:40:07ways.

01:40:09Glaring at the detached officer, I fought the urge to spit in his unsympathetic face.

01:40:14Who blurted out something like that to a victim's terrified family?

01:40:19Was he just so desensitized to violence that the kidnapping of a thirteen-year-old boy

01:40:23received little more than the shrug of his shoulders?

01:40:26His words took a minute to really, truly register, but when they did, Mom slid to the floor and

01:40:32began to wail.

01:40:35Not a normal, shrill sound, but a strange, mewling, moaning one that peaked and ebbed

01:40:40in eerie intervals, conjuring up the image of a wounded animal in its dying moments.

01:40:46Dad bent over and clenched his knees, drawing air into his lungs in constricted, exaggerated

01:40:52grunts.

01:40:53Kyle, wrapped in a blanket, was folded into Keith's arms.

01:40:57Both were covered in blood, looking like survivors of a deadly school massacre.

01:41:03I was just struggling to keep from punching the bearer of bad news.

01:41:07The police officer had instantly become the embodiment of all that was wrong in my rapidly

01:41:11shrinking world.

01:41:14Grace and Quinn wandered around the house frightened and confused.

01:41:17They hadn't even finished their dinner before the police were swarming through our kitchen

01:41:21doors.

01:41:22The call to action was swift.

01:41:24If Kyle's story was to be believed, and it was, Jake had just been brazenly stolen.

01:41:31Kidnapped.

01:41:32That's what everyone kept saying, but it wasn't sinking in.

01:41:35How could this happen to us?

01:41:37To Jake?

01:41:38Oh, God, not to Jake.

01:41:40None of it made sense.

01:41:42Yet here we were.

01:41:44My heart racing in my chest, I glanced at the clock.

01:41:48We had time.

01:41:49Forty-six hours.

01:41:51It would have been forty-seven had Kyle not spent an hour of it hiding behind a garbage

01:41:55container before gathering the courage to run home.

01:41:58Still, there was no need to panic, I reasoned, grasping at any threat left dangling.

01:42:04There was still plenty of time left.

01:42:07Jake would be home soon, and then everything would be right in the universe again.

01:42:12Within hours, our kitchen had transformed from a family gathering spot to a command

01:42:16center.

01:42:18Mom was struggling to hold it together, but she seemed to have come to a shaky agreement

01:42:22with herself to hold the hysteria and crying at bay in order to focus on bringing Jake

01:42:27home.

01:42:29She understood that her level head and quick actions in those crucial hours were the most

01:42:33important thing she could do to assist the FBI, who had immediately claimed control of

01:42:38the investigation.

01:42:40She and my father consented to separate interrogations.

01:42:44They allowed complete access to the family computers, and they gave their permission

01:42:48to a full and intrusive search of our home.

01:42:51Anything they asked, my mother rushed to oblige.

01:42:55Had they required her to throw herself into oncoming traffic, I was convinced she would

01:42:59have done it if it meant Jake's safe return.

01:43:03Getting him home alive, in any condition, was preferable to the alternative.

01:43:08I cleared Grace and Quinn's plates and tidied up the taco fixings they'd dumped onto the

01:43:13table.

01:43:14The other six plates remained where they lay.

01:43:17Once Jake returned, he'd be hungry.

01:43:20It was getting late and past the little one's bedtime, but with the light and sirens and

01:43:25loud, frantic talking, there was no putting them to sleep.

01:43:29Grace went into tantrum mode, and with every fling of her tiny, convulsing body to the

01:43:33floor, my mom would blast my name in frustration.

01:43:37Emma, please!

01:43:39Please what?

01:43:41Exactly what did she expect me to do about the little demon?

01:43:44Thankfully, a family friend swooped in, packed their bags, and whisked Quinn and Grace away,

01:43:51effectively shielding them from the horrors of the dwindling clock.

01:43:55Kyle had also been taken away, but his ride was in the form of an ambulance, so there

01:44:01was no protecting him from the nightmare he'd just survived.

01:44:04Our next-door neighbor stepped in to accompany him to the hospital, as neither of our parents

01:44:09could be convinced to make the trip.

01:44:12Kyle was injured but alive, so his welfare took a back seat to Jake's, who'd become mom

01:44:17and dad's sole focus.

01:44:20I wasn't sure I agreed with their decision to abandon Kyle in his moment of need, but

01:44:25my little brother was gone before an opinion could really be formed one way or another.

01:44:30I felt a pang of guilt that I hadn't volunteered to go with him, but I was barely keeping it

01:44:35together myself, and if I had to listen to even one more minute of Kyle's incoherent

01:44:40babbling and sudden, terror-filled wails, I'd lose it.

01:44:44After he left, I picked up his dinner plate and placed it back in the cupboard.

01:44:49Keith and I sat blurry-eyed and stunned in the darkened living room.

01:44:54Through the front windows, the flashing of the police lights colored the space between

01:44:58us.

01:44:59Do you think he's okay?

01:45:01Keith grimaced, wringing his hands together.

01:45:04He'd asked the same question probably fifteen times already.

01:45:08You don't think he'll hurt Jake, do you?

01:45:10No, he wasn't okay, and yes, I did think the man would hurt him.

01:45:16Keith knew as well as I did that Jake's situation was dire.

01:45:19He didn't put a gun to a kid's head and then take him out for ice cream.

01:45:23Jake's smart.

01:45:24He'll be okay, I offered up feebly.

01:45:28Whether I believed it or not didn't matter.

01:45:30Keith obviously needed reassurance, so I gave it to him.

01:45:34My stomach growled in protest.

01:45:36I checked the clock.

01:45:38Three in the morning.

01:45:40Jake had only thirty-nine hours left of the forty-eight hours he'd been given to live.

01:45:45Of course I understood it didn't work that way, and he could already be dead for all

01:45:49I knew, but my brain perceived those hours like the stopwatch of death.

01:45:54Every minute that passed was another minute of Jake's life that was ticking away.

01:45:59Are you hungry?

01:46:00I left the dinner on the table.

01:46:02I can heat something up for you.

01:46:05Keith looked down at his hands, which were curling into fists over and over again.

01:46:10Keith, are you hungry?

01:46:13He looked up at me with bloodshot eyes, his despair clear to see.

01:46:18Do you think Jake's hungry?

01:46:21I couldn't think about our brother, or what he might be going through.

01:46:24I purposely pushed that picture from my mind.

01:46:28Whatever was happening to him, he just had to fight and survive and come back to us alive.

01:46:33There was no other option.

01:46:35Wringing my hands in worry, I checked the clock for the thousandth time, and was frustrated

01:46:40to discover that it just kept barreling forward.

01:46:44Why was it when you wanted time to move faster, it instead crept by so slowly that you were

01:46:49certain the hands of time had decided to stop ticking?

01:46:52But when time was the only thing you had on your side, and the life of someone you loved

01:46:56was literally hanging in the balance, the minutes turned to hours at heartbreaking speeds.

01:47:03I spent those forty-eight hours fixated on the passing of time, waiting, hoping, praying.

01:47:10The number loomed in my brain like a vulture ready to swoop down and devour my faith.

01:47:16At thirty-five hours, a search party was formed.

01:47:19Keith went off with Dad, while I stayed back with Mom to wait for Jake's call.

01:47:24Soon, I continued to reason with myself.

01:47:28Jake would be home soon.

01:47:31I fell asleep at thirty-two hours, and was awakened by my mother's haunting howls at

01:47:35twenty-four.

01:47:37An entire day had passed.

01:47:39We were back to the same time I had thrown my stupid fit in the kitchen the day before.

01:47:44How could I have been so selfish?

01:47:47Had I known it would be the last normal moment of my life, I might have savored it more.

01:47:53Kyle returned home from the hospital with sixteen hours left.

01:47:57His arm had been broken in two places, and he had a gash in his forehead that had required

01:48:02seven stitches.

01:48:04On some pretty serious pain meds, his red-rimmed eyes were glazed, and his head kept dipping

01:48:09to one side, as if it took extreme effort to keep it steady.

01:48:14Although he'd already been interviewed by professionals, that didn't stop Mom from

01:48:18descending upon him the moment he returned.

01:48:21She was convinced he'd suppressed valuable information related to the kidnapping, and

01:48:26demanded he remember it.

01:48:28Kyle tried.

01:48:29He really did.

01:48:30But he was a drugged-out emotional wreck, and certainly in no condition to withstand

01:48:35an interrogation.

01:48:37But as the hours disappeared at an alarming rate, and Mom's terror intensified, Kyle's

01:48:43spotty memory was the only thing she could cling to.

01:48:46At the twelve o'clock hour, the body of a teenager was discovered near a river in a

01:48:51neighboring state.

01:48:53I watched my parents drop to their knees, sobbing.

01:48:57Kyle locked himself into the bathroom and screamed.

01:49:00A steady stream of tears dripped down Keith's shocked face.

01:49:04Me?

01:49:05I sat at the kitchen table, gripping its sides with a steely-eyed and furious expression

01:49:10on my face.

01:49:12Why had I been such a self-centered bitch?

01:49:15Why hadn't I cherished the moments with my family?

01:49:18Why had I pulled Grace's beautiful baby hair?

01:49:21Why?

01:49:22Why?

01:49:23Why?

01:49:24A couple of heart-wrenching hours passed before we learned the body was, in fact, not Jake's,

01:49:30but that of an older teen who'd suffered a drug overdose.

01:49:34With that stunning revelation, Jake came back to life on my shaky timetable, eight hours

01:49:40and counting.

01:49:41New hope swelled.

01:49:43The search efforts were intensified.

01:49:45The FBI visited known predators.

01:49:48The media descended on our home.

01:49:50Jake's pictures circulated throughout the state, and then the country.

01:49:54Yet despite all the valiant efforts of so many, time kept speeding up.

01:49:59The forty-eight hour mark was looming, and we were no closer to finding him than we were

01:50:03when he'd been taken.

01:50:05Desperation took hold.

01:50:07Jake was going to die, and there was nothing we could do to save him.

01:50:12My eyes were on the clock at that fateful moment.

01:50:15The all-important time came and went with no fanfare.

01:50:19I'd expected so much more than just the passing of another minute.

01:50:23Forty-eight hours and one minute.

01:50:25It should have been bigger, more dramatic.

01:50:28Something should have happened.

01:50:30My brother died, and all the clock could do was tick away another goddamn minute.

01:50:36That was when I cried.

01:50:41Chapter 5

01:50:44Finn

01:50:45Lord of the Flies

01:50:48Pulling up to the family compound on Friday morning, I deftly dodged giant potholes, wandering

01:50:53chickens, and the gaggle of small children scurrying every which way in front of my moving

01:50:58vehicle.

01:51:00As was always the case at the Perry house, there were no adults in sight.

01:51:03Kids, at least ten of them, darted around like animals at feeding time.

01:51:08As I waved at all the dirt and snot-smeared faces I had to wonder if they'd multiplied

01:51:12since my last visit.

01:51:14Jesus, it was like a human zoo here.

01:51:18I parked next to the old station wagon.

01:51:20A fixture since my younger years, it was matted in rust and sat on dented rims, the tires

01:51:25and any other useful parts having been stripped away long ago.

01:51:29The kids who lived here used the corroded hazard as a fort, but they were well aware,

01:51:34as I had once been, that the wagon was an interactive play area.

01:51:39One false move and you'd be in the kitchen pouring whiskey on the open wound.

01:51:43Two boys, both my cousin's kids, ran up to me as I stepped out of my car.

01:51:48I'm Indy!

01:51:50The older boy screamed, pretending to be me, while the younger one slashed him with an

01:51:54invisible cleaver.

01:51:56Shelby grabbed his throat and rolled his eyes before falling to the ground, theatrically

01:52:00flopping around in the dirt until he died.

01:52:03Obviously, you've been watching my movies too, I said, helping him up.

01:52:08My many on-screen deaths were a source of great amusement in the Perry household.

01:52:13Yep, with Shelby last night.

01:52:16Of course you did.

01:52:18Those are all rated R movies.

01:52:20How old are you again?

01:52:21Seven.

01:52:22Of course he was.

01:52:23Awesome.

01:52:24Well, nice job on the death scene.

01:52:28Next time, not so much drooling.

01:52:30Because they were so starved for attention, I had to spend time chatting with all the

01:52:33little kids before taking care of the business I'd come here for.

01:52:37The pint-sized welcoming committee consisted of my niece and nephew, second cousins, and

01:52:41other children, some I wasn't even sure belonged in the family.

01:52:46Sometimes I wondered if people in the community just dropped their kids off and used our fenced-in

01:52:50property as a sort of daycare.

01:52:53With a whole lot of them running around unattended at all times, no one would know the difference.

01:52:58Although I only lived about twenty miles away, I rarely made the trip.

01:53:02For the life of me, I just couldn't understand how my relatives thought it was okay to let

01:53:05these kids fend for themselves surrounded by piles and piles of trash.

01:53:10Even though I'd grown up as one of them, and for the most part had loved it, watching this

01:53:14new crop exist in such conditions bothered me.

01:53:17Back then, I knew I wasn't living the norm.

01:53:19I saw how real families lived on television shows, and it was as foreign to me as rules

01:53:24in dinnertime and bedtimes.

01:53:26As a parry, I got to run around at all hours of the night, grab snacks whenever hunger

01:53:30struck, and fall asleep where I lay.

01:53:33Now that I was looking at the situation through adult eyes, I could clearly see that my upbringing

01:53:38was a form of parental neglect and abuse.

01:53:41But as a wild kid, it was just my life, and I'd thought it was a blast.

01:53:46Until it wasn't.

01:53:47Plucked from the chaotic life at fifteen years old after an incident with one of Misty's

01:53:51boyfriends turned ugly, I never went back.

01:53:54But my younger half-brother Rocky and all the others remained.

01:53:58It was one of my greatest victories, but also one of my deepest regrets.

01:54:02I'd unintentionally saved myself only to let my only brother rot.

01:54:07I couldn't blame Shelby for her lack of parenting skills, because she was a product of her upbringing

01:54:12just as much as I was.

01:54:14In fact, everyone who lived on the parry compound was a product of someone else's poor decision-making

01:54:18skills.

01:54:19Aunts, uncles, brothers, sisters, cousins, nieces, nephews, you name it, they all lived

01:54:25here, each one more screwed up than the next.

01:54:28My great-grandma, Gigi, owned the property in a small town nestled up against the mountains

01:54:33in the Santa Clarita Valley in northern Los Angeles County.

01:54:37Although it was flanked by prosperous and sprawling cities, this was a place left behind.

01:54:41Gigi's land was as close to country living as you could get in the L.A. area.

01:54:46Neighbors were few and far between in these parts, mostly because so many houses had been

01:54:51abandoned after natural disasters like earthquakes and fires had damaged them beyond repair.

01:54:56But Gigi never let Mother Nature take her down and had stubbornly remained in her home

01:55:00since the 1970s.

01:55:03That's not to say her humble abode wasn't marred like the rest of them.

01:55:06In fact, one look and you'd wonder how it was still standing.

01:55:10Gigi's four-bedroom house stood at the opening to the fenced-in lot, giving the appearance

01:55:14of a single family enjoying a quiet lifestyle.

01:55:17But makeshift homes, none built to code, had gone up all over the land.

01:55:21Trees, overgrown brush, and an honest-to-God junkyard had kept the structures from being

01:55:26seen and condemned.

01:55:28My tiny niece, who was appropriately named Posy, tugged on my jeans.

01:55:33Do the jumps, Indy, she said, clapping.

01:55:37I can't, I responded in the high-pitched voice I reserved just for her.

01:55:43Posy was four years old and had the sweetest doll face I'd ever seen.

01:55:47Her cuteness always robbed me of my manhood.

01:55:50Your Uncle Indy hurt himself the other day.

01:55:53You don't look hurt, a tougher-looking six-year-old challenged.

01:55:57Well, I am.

01:56:00I bristled a little at his assumption that I was making up my injury, but I shrugged

01:56:04it off and ruffled his hair.

01:56:06I promise, as soon as I'm better, I'll jump for you.

01:56:10Pussy!

01:56:11A foul-mouthed ten-year-old spat, kicking a little dirt in my direction.

01:56:16I dropped my gaze to take in the skinny little jerk, another one of my cousin's kids.

01:56:21What were all the older ones doing home, anyway?

01:56:24Had their parents forgotten it was a school day?

01:56:27Usually it was just the kindergarten crowd hanging during the morning hours.

01:56:31Shouldn't you be in school?

01:56:33Shouldn't you be changing your tampon?

01:56:36The other kids laughed at his insult.

01:56:38I had to admit it was pretty inventive for one so young, and I rewarded him with a courtesy

01:56:42chuckle until the others turned on me, too.

01:56:46Yeah!

01:56:47A kid wearing a Viking helmet piped up.

01:56:50Shouldn't you be peeing sitting down?

01:56:52Shouldn't you be asking for directions?

01:56:56That zinger came from a little girl wearing bunny pajamas.

01:57:00Shouldn't you be a scaredy cat?

01:57:03My niece asked, joining in the roast with the others, although clearly not understanding

01:57:07that the theme of this particular smackdown was masculinity shaming.

01:57:11Wait a minute, wasn't Posey supposed to be on my side?

01:57:16You're a whiny little pussycat.

01:57:20She completed her diss.

01:57:22Or not.

01:57:23I glanced around at all the angry, demanding little faces.

01:57:27Well, hell, this was taking on a decidedly Lord of the Flies type vibe.

01:57:32Okay, fine, I said, giving in.

01:57:35Taking off my hat, I ran my fingers through my unruly curls before handing the traitor

01:57:39Posey my baseball cap.

01:57:42Hold this.

01:57:44I ran to a concrete sitting wall and flipped my way over it before jumping several times

01:57:48to clear various obstacles.

01:57:51For my final encore, I scaled the retaining wall and backflipped my way off.

01:57:55As the kids cheered and nodded their approval, I rubbed my sore ribs.

01:57:59Yes, I was going to pay for this later, but at least I wouldn't be peeing sitting down

01:58:04tonight.

01:58:06The attitude toward me shifted immediately, and I was once again the crown jewel of Perryland,

01:58:10what we like to call our squalid home turf.

01:58:14Like the celebrity they thought I was, the kids were hanging all over me as I made my

01:58:18way up the driveway to the main house.

01:58:20That was more like it.

01:58:22Is anyone home?

01:58:23I asked, receiving a few casual shrugs in response.

01:58:27That would have probably been my reply at their age, too.

01:58:31Next to the house sat an old red pickup truck.

01:58:34At least I thought it was red.

01:58:36Rust had crept over the paint years ago and had mixed with the original color, giving

01:58:40off a moldy feel.

01:58:42The entire right side of the vehicle was caved in as if it had been sideswiped by something

01:58:45monstrous in size, like a cruise ship.

01:58:49Aside from the severe body damage and missing front bumper, the truck had three standard

01:58:53sized tires and one that looked only slightly larger than a spare.

01:58:58Hanging from the rearview mirror was a pair of black and white dice so faded that they'd

01:59:02taken on a pinkish hue.

01:59:04Oh, hell no, I roared.

01:59:08Shelby!

01:59:10I wound through the obstacles blocking my way to the main house.

01:59:13The landfill had expanded since my last visit.

01:59:16Condition sets, toilets, clothes, trash, really anything you could dream up probably

01:59:21existed somewhere in the piles of crap littering the acres of property.

01:59:25Passing the three-legged dog, I gave him a sympathetic pat on his deserving head before

01:59:29storming my way into the main house, screaming Shelby's name.

01:59:34Good lord, boy, even I can hear you and I can't hear shit, my great-grandma Gigi complained.

01:59:40The old reclining armchair she was sitting in had over the years molded to her oversized

01:59:45body.

01:59:46Pretty much anything she desired could be had from her seated position.

01:59:49Magazines, piled high, littered the ground around her.

01:59:53A side drawer filled with snacks and a small refrigerator were situated just to her left.

01:59:58Across her lap lay one of those grabber arms.

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