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00:00We're going to do an interview to make sure if you're going to stay in our community and look like us or not.
00:06What do you mean look like us? He's Wad Kukazi.
00:09Thank you.
00:10Sorry madam, this is school policy.
00:12Tell me, why did you choose my school?
00:15I don't know, Uncle Nazer. I'm too old to be allowed to choose.
00:18Dad and mom chose, and I'm allowed to choose.
00:20You're going to listen to him now? He doesn't have trust issues.
00:22Calm down.
00:23Madam, if you'll excuse me, we're in Nazer Al Madrasa's office, not Nazer Al Prince.
00:28How did you gain their trust?
00:30I think they like biological reasons.
00:32And of course, your school provides them with social support, even if it will affect them financially.
00:36My sister is 5 years older than me, and Joe Biden is behind her.
00:39What do you want to be when you grow up?
00:41A rich man.
00:43I was right from the start.
00:45A child without ambition.
00:47Wad, answer him well, don't make us mad.
00:49Tell him I want to be a doctor.
00:50He's waiting to hear that from me.
00:52But that's my philosophy for tomorrow.
00:54Okay, brother, your philosophy.
00:55For example, I can't tell you if I want to be a doctor or not.
00:58It's not important.
00:59What's important is that you become a successful doctor.
01:01Unfortunately, that's also a promise I can't keep.
01:03I'm still a little kid. I don't know how to grow up.
01:05And this sister of mine is causing me trauma.
01:08I've been suffering from it all my life.
01:10And it's causing me problems in school.
01:12You can't sit at the end of the house.
01:14To be a good person.
01:16You're right, son.
01:18The boy is right, madam.
01:20You're dating Nazer?
01:22I'm happy that someone didn't change his mind.
01:24Your son is just like us.
01:26But you can't say he's like us.
01:28You're not my son.
01:29You're from the community.
01:31Wait, madam.
01:33First lesson, my dear.
01:35Hell is the other's.
01:37Jean Paul Sartre.
01:47Dear viewers, peace be upon you.
01:49Welcome to a new episode of The Victim.
01:51At the beginning of his book, The Body Keeps the Score,
01:53the psychiatrist, Bissel van der Kolk,
01:55talks about the first day he met his patient, Billy.
01:57Billy was living in one of the suburbs of Boston.
01:59A quiet and normal life.
02:01He was working and spending most of his time
02:03at home with his wife, who was pregnant at the time.
02:05And when his wife gave birth,
02:07and was forced to go to work a few months after the birth,
02:09he was the first to be responsible for taking care of the baby.
02:11On the first day the wife left him,
02:13the baby exploded in his life.
02:14It's very normal. His baby is in pain.
02:16But what was not normal at all,
02:18was that as soon as Billy took his son to calm him down,
02:20Billy had a violent panic attack.
02:22And when he looked at Billy's hand, he didn't see his son.
02:24He saw in his hand, a bunch of children screaming and dying.
02:27Billy told his wife to take the baby,
02:29and flew to the mental hospital.
02:31The initial diagnosis was that he was suffering from hallucinations.
02:34The doctors gave him sedatives at the time,
02:36and continued to examine him.
02:37He went to several doctors,
02:38until he reached Dr. Bissel, the author of the book,
02:40who did not insist on the diagnosis,
02:42and preferred to take time to talk to Billy.
02:43And here's the surprise.
02:44The pictures of the dead babies that Billy saw
02:46when he took his son, were not hallucinations or anything.
02:48These were memories.
02:49And that's because Billy, before he woke up,
02:51and lived a normal and peaceful life,
02:52was suffering from a war of hallucinations.
02:54He found himself one day,
02:55carrying in his hands,
02:56a bunch of children screaming and dying.
02:58And he couldn't save them.
02:59For 10 years, this memory remained stuck in his brain,
03:02until it exploded in his face,
03:04at the moment when he took his son, and he was in pain.
03:06What Billy and many other soldiers went through,
03:08after they returned from the war,
03:09was called the American Psychiatric Association,
03:11in 1980,
03:12the Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.
03:16And in their introduction to trauma,
03:17they wrote that,
03:18any event that occurs,
03:19goes beyond the limits of human experience,
03:20in its normal range.
03:21When they wrote this description,
03:22they had a picture of a soldier,
03:23returning from the war,
03:24after he saw all its conditions,
03:25unable to live a normal life.
03:27But what they didn't know,
03:28was that they would start noticing
03:29all these symptoms,
03:30that these soldiers were experiencing,
03:31but in civilians.
03:32Ordinary people,
03:33who never took up arms.
03:34And their lives,
03:35never went beyond the normal range.
03:36And yet,
03:37unfortunately,
03:38the normal range of life,
03:39was full of disasters and disasters.
03:41Disasters that affect the human soul,
03:43not to mention the effects of wars,
03:44like domestic violence,
03:45or harassment,
03:46or rape,
03:47or road accidents,
03:48or crimes.
03:49In the US,
03:50the statistics tell a terrifying story.
03:51One in every five children,
03:52is subjected to domestic violence.
03:53And every two minutes,
03:54a woman is subjected to rape.
03:55And every 24 seconds,
03:56there is an incident,
03:57that occurs on the road,
03:58in any place in the world.
03:59And this incident,
04:00affects a person's life.
04:01These numbers tell us,
04:02that each one of us,
04:03is either a direct victim of trauma,
04:04or knows someone,
04:05who is suffering from trauma.
04:06And that's why, my dear,
04:07it's very important to know,
04:08this disease,
04:09to what extent,
04:10it can affect us.
04:11And change many details,
04:12in our lives,
04:13or the lives of the people we love.
04:14And it's also important to know,
04:15how we can get over it,
04:16and not live as victims,
04:17for the rest of our lives.
04:20As we saw in the case of Bill,
04:21the first thing that trauma does,
04:22is that it erases the line,
04:23between the past and the present.
04:25And in a moment,
04:26these two times meet.
04:27And the victim of trauma,
04:28feels pain.
04:29His life, in a moment,
04:30could have been years.
04:31And this pain,
04:32hurts,
04:33as if it still happened,
04:34a few seconds ago.
04:35This was exactly the feeling,
04:36of the English poet,
04:37Robert Graves.
04:38When he came back,
04:39from World War I,
04:40where he was a soldier,
04:41he says,
04:42that in the moment,
04:43when he enters his bed at night,
04:44all the people in the street,
04:45disappear in front of him,
04:46and see their place,
04:47and see their dead friends.
04:48What happens,
04:49has no meaning,
04:50and no illusion.
04:51The brain,
04:52and the body of the person,
04:53who is affected by PTSD,
04:54remain trapped,
04:55in the moment,
04:56in which they were traumatized.
04:57And it's as if,
04:58time has stopped for them,
04:59and they can't get over it.
05:00In fact,
05:01Dr. Messine and Marsha,
05:02were the first patients,
05:03to examine her brain,
05:04in the MRI machine,
05:05and see with their own eyes,
05:06the trauma on her brain.
05:07Marsha,
05:08was a school principal,
05:09when she was 40 years old.
05:10Her life changed forever,
05:11when one day,
05:12while she was riding her car,
05:13she got hit by a car.
05:14At that time,
05:15Marsha,
05:16who was 3 years old,
05:17died.
05:18Marsha herself,
05:19who was 7 months pregnant,
05:20woke up.
05:21The accident lasted 13 years.
05:22Despite that,
05:23when Dr. Messine,
05:24inserted Marsha,
05:25in the MRI machine,
05:26and examined her,
05:27to see what happened to her,
05:28No!
05:29The same parts,
05:30that were activated in Marsha's brain,
05:31during the accident,
05:32were activated again,
05:33or activated,
05:34while she was talking.
05:35Despite the fact,
05:36that she was fully conscious,
05:37that she was in a safe room,
05:38and there was no danger around her.
05:39But listen,
05:40he said other than that,
05:41at that moment,
05:42Marsha's parts,
05:43were activated,
05:44even when she left the machine.
05:45The most important part,
05:46of the activated parts,
05:47was the amygdala,
05:48or the cerebral cortex.
05:49The amygdala,
05:50can be considered,
05:51the alarm device,
05:52that is installed inside,
05:53the human brain.
05:54This device,
05:55makes alarms,
05:56when it feels a danger,
05:57to wake it up.
05:58And the alarms,
05:59of the amygdala,
06:00activate the stress hormones,
06:01in our body,
06:02to move,
06:03and save ourselves,
06:04from the threat.
06:05But dear viewers,
06:06in the case of trauma,
06:07as what happens,
06:08in Marsha's brain,
06:09this alarm device,
06:10its off button,
06:11doesn't feel any danger.
06:12And this,
06:13is a tragedy,
06:14because it simply means,
06:15that the victim of trauma,
06:16loses her sense of security.
06:17This is not an exaggeration.
06:18Yes,
06:19a person can be in a difficult situation,
06:20at a certain moment,
06:21but if he stays stuck,
06:22in this moment,
06:23and feels fear,
06:24and anxiety,
06:25even when he is sleeping,
06:26and covered with a blanket,
06:27someone might see this,
06:28as illogical.
06:29And his friend,
06:30gets upset,
06:31and says,
06:32dear you are right,
06:33but wrong.
06:34On the other hand,
06:35this is illogical.
06:36Indeed,
06:37I shouldn't be in a room,
06:38afraid of something,
06:39that happened to me,
06:40because the amygdala,
06:41located in a part of the brain,
06:42doesn't make sense at all.
06:43Scientists,
06:44divided the human brain,
06:45into three parts.
06:46The first part,
06:47is called,
06:48the basal ganglia,
06:49or they call it,
06:50the reptilian brain.
06:51And this,
06:52according to,
06:53the trium brain theory,
06:54by the scientist,
06:55Paul Maclean,
06:56is the part,
06:57responsible for,
06:58the basic survival,
06:59in the world.
07:00For example,
07:01it tells you,
07:02that you are hungry,
07:03while you are eating,
07:04or tired,
07:05while you are resting.
07:06It is responsible,
07:07for the functions,
07:08of your body,
07:09like the amygdala,
07:10that we talked about.
07:11And above all of this,
07:12comes the brain,
07:13the neocortex.
07:14This is the father of logic,
07:15and rationality.
07:16This is what makes us,
07:17superior to other beings,
07:18and we see ourselves,
07:19above them.
07:20In the extreme danger,
07:21your body,
07:22puts this neocortex,
07:23next to you.
07:24You are the brain,
07:25of logic now.
07:26And it makes,
07:27the initial parts,
07:28in the brain,
07:29act.
07:30And these initial parts,
07:31return to one,
07:32of three initial defenses,
07:33in the face of danger.
07:34Fight,
07:35flight,
07:36freeze.
07:37If you are in the extreme danger,
07:38and you know,
07:39that you are going to die,
07:40and you run,
07:41you either,
07:42freeze,
07:43and prove your place,
07:44until the danger is gone.
07:45When the danger is gone,
07:46your brain says,
07:47thank God,
07:48you are safe.
07:49And it returns,
07:50to the neocortex.
07:51Everything returns,
07:52as it was.
07:53But what will happen,
07:54if the danger doesn't go away?
07:55What will happen,
07:56if the danger overcomes you,
07:57and it is worse than your fear?
07:58It happened.
07:59If you find yourself being hit,
08:00and you can't protect yourself,
08:01or you get hurt,
08:02and you can't leave the person,
08:03who is hurting you,
08:04because he is simply,
08:05one of the closest people to you.
08:06Then,
08:07he will refuse,
08:08to return to the other area.
08:09Why?
08:10Because he thinks,
08:11you are being hurt.
08:12Even if the person,
08:13who is attacking you,
08:14left the place,
08:15and left.
08:16And the danger,
08:17is no longer there.
08:18But he thinks,
08:19you are being hurt.
08:20And he wants to protect you,
08:21at any cost.
08:22Even if this cost,
08:23is that you will lose,
08:24your sense of security.
08:25That is why,
08:26my dear,
08:27you will find many patients,
08:28with trauma,
08:29who have active response,
08:30from a distance,
08:31that doesn't seem logical.
08:32But this is the way,
08:33of the initial part,
08:34in the brain,
08:35to face the danger.
08:36A year passed,
08:37and this patient,
08:38lost weight,
08:39to 60 kg.
08:40But,
08:41in a few months,
08:42she regained,
08:43all her weight.
08:44The doctors,
08:45discovered later,
08:46that she was,
08:47taking herself,
08:48on purpose.
08:49Because she doesn't look,
08:50attractive to any man.
08:51This patient,
08:52when she was young,
08:53was raped,
08:54by her grandfather.
08:55This made her,
08:56see any man,
08:57as a source of danger.
08:58She avoids,
08:59any man,
09:00by destroying her appearance.
09:01You can see,
09:02the patient's reaction,
09:03is logical.
09:04But this is simply,
09:05because she is,
09:06suffering from,
09:07a sudden aversion,
09:08to any man.
09:09She is shocked,
09:10without knowing the reason.
09:11After months,
09:12of therapy,
09:13this patient,
09:14discovered that,
09:15when she was young,
09:16she was raped,
09:17by her father.
09:18Because this was,
09:19beyond her ability,
09:20to comprehend,
09:21at the time,
09:22her memory,
09:23decided to erase,
09:24completely,
09:25from her consciousness.
09:26She lived her life,
09:27forgetting what happened.
09:28But despite this,
09:29her body,
09:30still remembers the injury,
09:31and keeps it.
09:32That's why,
09:33the name of the book,
09:34is,
09:35The Brain.
09:36Another part of the brain,
09:37its activity,
09:38changes,
09:39noticeably.
09:40This part,
09:41is called,
09:42the Broca's area.
09:43This is the part,
09:44responsible for,
09:45the brain's speech centers.
09:46Scientists noticed,
09:47that when the patient,
09:48gets a flashback,
09:49of what happened,
09:50the activity,
09:51in the Broca's area,
09:52decreases,
09:53noticeably.
09:54This means,
09:55that the patient,
09:56can't always,
09:57find words,
09:58to express,
09:59what happened.
10:00That's why,
10:01many victims,
10:02remain silent,
10:03because,
10:04they don't have,
10:05any negative feelings,
10:06that the trauma,
10:07will represent.
10:08Social,
10:09and logical,
10:10feelings.
10:11But at the same time,
10:12they don't know,
10:13how to connect,
10:14things together.
10:15They don't understand,
10:16the reason,
10:17or even,
10:18the words,
10:19they can communicate,
10:20with others.
10:21Little by little,
10:22many victims of trauma,
10:23more than,
10:24what they really mean,
10:25realize,
10:26that they can't,
10:27make deep relationships,
10:28that have meaning.
10:29They simply,
10:30lost their sense of security,
10:31which is,
10:32hopelessness,
10:33and hopelessness.
10:34Let me tell you,
10:35that the human brain,
10:36is full of limitations,
10:37and with all the damage,
10:38that trauma does to it,
10:39it still has the ability,
10:40to heal,
10:41and recover.
10:42It's easy,
10:43and takes time,
10:44but it's not impossible.
10:45Since trauma,
10:46isolates the injured,
10:47and destroys,
10:48little by little,
10:49their ability to communicate,
10:50the first step,
10:51in the recovery path,
10:52that Dr. Judith Herman,
10:53draws in her book,
10:54Trauma and Recovery,
10:55is to create,
10:56healthy relationships,
10:57based on trust.
10:58The victim,
10:59can feel,
11:00enough security,
11:01to talk,
11:02and ask for help.
11:03Sometimes,
11:04the victim,
11:05simply,
11:06doesn't have the ability,
11:07to understand it.
11:08That's why,
11:09the best solution,
11:10is to seek,
11:11a psychologist,
11:12specialized.
11:13The psychologist,
11:14works with the patient,
11:15to discover,
11:16the roots of his problem,
11:17which the patient,
11:18can deny,
11:19and doesn't admit,
11:20even in front of himself.
11:21In a state of denial,
11:22and with the discovery,
11:23of the roots of the problem,
11:24the work begins,
11:25to solve it.
11:26The second step,
11:27is the recovery of safety.
11:28You won't be able,
11:29to recover from trauma,
11:30unless,
11:31the victim,
11:32has financial independence.
11:33You can build,
11:34a life,
11:35with safety,
11:36away from danger.
11:37The third step,
11:38is to remember,
11:39all the trauma,
11:40you've been through,
11:41and start,
11:42with each memory,
11:43recalling what happened.
11:44You write it,
11:45and while writing it,
11:46as if you're saying goodbye.
11:47That's important,
11:48because many victims of trauma,
11:49especially those,
11:50who have been subjected,
11:51to domestic violence,
11:52when they were children,
11:53they grow up,
11:54and see themselves,
11:55as the bad guys in the story.
11:56They weren't good enough.
11:57That's why,
11:58the parents were hurting them.
11:59You have to put it,
12:00in a different frame,
12:01than all the other stories.
12:02The frame,
12:03is that there's a victim,
12:04a victim,
12:05who's been hurt,
12:06and they don't deserve it.
12:07And that's the reality.
12:08It's very important,
12:09that the victim,
12:10doesn't stop at this step,
12:11and continues to live,
12:12the victim's role.
12:13It's very important,
12:14that she overcomes,
12:15and finds the strength,
12:16again.
12:17And that she,
12:18after changing,
12:19her past story,
12:20changes with her,
12:21the future.
12:22And holds the direction,
12:23of her life.
12:24And achieves,
12:25all that's left of her.
12:26Maybe for many years.
12:27And she's trapped,
12:28because the road is long,
12:29and hard.
12:30But it's not harder,
12:31than being trapped,
12:32inside a prison.
12:33A prison,
12:34inside your head.
12:35With high walls,
12:36of fear and terror.
12:37You'll need help,
12:38for sure.
12:39What I went through,
12:40wasn't easy.
12:41But science tells us,
12:42that you can break,
12:43the prison walls,
12:44and overcome your problems,
12:45and be good.
12:46My dear,
12:47and my dear,
12:48those who are traumatized,
12:49I trust you,
12:50and your strength.
12:51And if you find yourself,
12:52in a long recovery journey,
12:53you don't need anyone to comfort you,
12:54and comfort you.
12:55So I'm here for you.
12:56Don't forget to watch,
12:57this episode,
12:58and don't forget to write,
12:59when you're interested,
13:00in the wrong person.
13:01I don't like you,
13:02if you like me.
13:03I'm not interested,
13:04in the wrong person.
13:05I'm interested,
13:06in the right person.
13:27I'm interested,
13:28in the right person.
13:29I'm interested,
13:30in the right person.
13:31I'm interested,
13:32in the right person.
13:33I'm interested,
13:34in the right person.
13:35I'm interested,
13:36in the right person.
13:37I'm interested,
13:38in the right person.
13:39I'm interested,
13:40in the right person.
13:41I'm interested,
13:42in the right person.
13:43I'm interested,
13:44in the right person.
13:45I'm interested,
13:46in the right person.
13:47I'm interested,
13:48in the right person.
13:49I'm interested,
13:50in the right person.
13:51I'm interested,
13:52in the right person.
13:53I'm interested,
13:54in the right person.
13:55I'm interested,