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00:00I'm here, do you understand?
00:02Come on, Goran. We didn't vote.
00:04Exactly, it's a good idea.
00:06It's fun.
00:08Yes, exactly.
00:10Hello, friends. I welcome you to our story conference.
00:14Today we talk about why Alice in Wonderland is a stupid template.
00:18That's not true at all.
00:20The film is great because I run after a rabbit for 23 minutes.
00:24You have more taste.
00:26I know, you are more into...
00:28Adventure. Action.
00:30On me in a really strong costume.
00:39That's a nice book, Gordo. Look at the bunnies.
00:44But there is no story, no tension and no love scenes.
00:48Either you let me do heroic deeds or you look for a rabbit foot.
00:53By the way, you can find me in my wardrobe during shadow fencing.
00:59Why are you so stubborn?
01:01You know how much I would like to play Alice.
01:04And you would be a wonderful Metcalf.
01:07But I don't play side roles anymore. I'm a star.
01:10Oh, Gordon, can't you give in once?
01:14So that I play the idiot?
01:17Hopefully you'll get to the point where you're no longer treated as a spoiled star.
01:29She is really angry, Gordon.
01:32That will pass quickly if she sees what a gift she gets from me for her birthday.
01:39Now I finally have the facts, fat chamois.
01:42Either we do Alice or Rick in Wonderland.
01:45So learn your text carefully.
01:49I think this time you shouldn't give up your position easily.
01:54And I think I'll read the script.
01:56Chapter one.
01:57One fine day Alice was very tired.
02:00Well, I say, she's boring herself.
02:15Help! Police! A long-eared one has just stolen me!
02:26Help!
02:56Help!
03:27Ah, a cat door.
03:29At least I won't die of hunger.
03:36Hey, bring that back immediately, you white giant rat!
03:57The new classic diet drink.
04:06Tastes like lemonade.
04:20I can't go in there without my sword.
04:27Well, I've shrunk into a baby doll to fit through the flap.
04:31How am I going to get big again?
04:38Biscuit with cat flavor, with a lot of ballast.
04:57I think I'm standing on the meadow.
05:04Wonderland.
05:06It should rather be called Bird Dirt Land.
05:19Hello, welcome to Wonderland.
05:21And now the line.
05:23Well, flower language can be quite pompous.
05:28You're right, you giant tramp.
05:30You just latched on to my cousin.
05:38I think I need more sleep.
05:40And what kind of elevator is that?
05:42Do you want to play bird shit here, or what?
05:45I'm a musketeer.
05:47Oh, I thought you were a tramp.
05:50Listen, a big white hare has stolen me.
05:53The guy has left a tailor-made snail skin bag with him.
06:01I won't be fooled by the green stuff.
06:03A birthday present for my girlfriend, this hare.
06:11There it is, this long-fingered, long-eared bastard.
06:21What's that?
06:23The queen! The queen!
06:27The queen, great!
06:29She can surely help me out of here.
06:43No, that's for Ronda.
06:50Excuse me, but there's a misunderstanding.
06:53Who are you, young fresh meat?
06:56Gordon Shumby, TV star, artist of life, and much more.
07:00In my area, you little sausage, you're nothing more than a piece of meat.
07:05Get rid of the hare! Get rid of the hare!
07:08Help! And please, don't do it on purpose.
07:11I don't want to hurt you.
07:13I don't want to hurt you.
07:15I don't want to hurt you.
07:17Get rid of the hare!
07:18Help! And please, don't do it on purpose.
07:23Stop! I'm only here to visit.
07:25I'm going to complain to the Tourist Office.
07:31What are you standing around for?
07:33I ordered you to get rid of the hare!
07:36Excuse me, Your Majesty, but he's just a visitor.
07:39He wanted to show us around the Tourist Office.
07:42You idiots, we have a rest day today.
07:45I want to see the Tourist Office.
08:16This is not a country. This is a walking salad bar.
08:30I thought the New Yorkers were rude.
08:32Meow, do you have toothpaste?
08:35Oh, there's something to eat.
08:37Get rid of that. I'm not for eating. I'm the Sausage Cat.
08:41Get rid of that. I'm not for eating. I'm the Sausage Cat.
08:44I'm your guide through the streets of Wonderland.
08:47Then get me out of here.
08:49An ugly queen and a stack of cards are behind me.
08:52Yes, I know, but what about Ronda's present?
08:55How do you know that?
08:57I saw the first act.
08:59You'd better not mess with the queen.
09:01Even better, you get out of here and get Ronda a new bag.
09:05I can't do that.
09:06This snail skin bag was a single piece.
09:08Besides, the bunny stole it and I want it back.
09:11You're just one of the many victims of Blanche du Lapin,
09:15the white bunny, the handbag robber, par excellence.
09:18If she's so excellent,
09:20maybe I can persuade her to steal it back for me.
09:23Where is she going?
09:24That way, but I advise you not to follow her.
09:27No problemo.
09:30Or what, that way?
09:38And I just started to trust the plant again.
09:47Somehow I have to get to the bunnies.
09:50That's not a problem.
09:52Hey, Blanche!
09:56There he is!
09:57Catch him!
09:58Don't let him get away this time!
10:01Catch him!
10:02Don't let him get away this time!
10:05Catch him!
10:06Don't let him get away this time!
10:09Good, I'll play a new card.
10:36Thank you for taking me with you.
10:38Where am I and how can I get away again?
10:41You're in great danger, but this will save you.
11:06Don't give me cat food again.
11:09Oh, what?
11:11No, these are worm finding spots.
11:13They scare away evil ghosts and ugly queens for you.
11:17And the proceeds are good for a good cause.
11:20Well, I absolutely have to get Ronda's handbag back from the queen
11:24before she steals my bunnies.
11:26Ah, you need three more boxes for that.
11:30And now you have to get the white bunny to admit
11:34that she stole the handbag.
11:36There is no one else the queen listens to.
11:39And how do I get to her?
11:41Your balloon will come right away.
11:49And don't forget to feed your informants well.
11:53Man, these spots are terrible.
11:56Man, these spots are terrible.
12:27That's not a dream at all.
12:29It's too stupid for that.
12:30Don't talk nonsense.
12:32I'm Diddle Dumb.
12:33And this is Diddle Blonde.
12:35We are Diddle's sisters.
12:37We don't just sing, but we also dance as well as we look.
12:40Oh, stop whining.
12:42The guy is not a talent seeker.
12:46After all, I'm a big TV star.
12:49Maybe we can help each other.
12:51What will help us?
12:53If you tell me where to find the white bunny,
12:55you can perform in my show.
12:57No, that's not enough for us.
12:59Take us to the Rock Palace.
13:01Or to Berry Manilow.
13:04Because we are sisters,
13:05that doesn't mean we have the same taste.
13:08Or one at all.
13:12Okay.
13:13The last time I saw her
13:15was when she jumped to the tea party of Mad Katter.
13:18He never invited us.
13:20Children, children.
13:21My knuckle is on the knife edge.
13:24Get out of here, Mad Katter.
13:26You go over the fields and into the woods.
13:29No, that's for Grandma.
13:31You have to go that way.
13:33We just have time for a round mud ring
13:35before it gets dark.
13:45With a concession for land cards,
13:47you could make a fortune here.
13:49Someone tried.
13:50He got lost, like you.
13:53I think you wanted to lead me.
13:55Where is the tea party of Mad Katter?
13:58That way.
13:59Or that way.
14:01But I warn you.
14:03It's no fun with the boys.
14:23Hey, you can't sit there.
14:25That's my chair.
14:27But you have a chair.
14:29You don't get it.
14:31We change seats when we eat.
14:33It's like we have dirty dishes.
14:36But who actually invited you?
14:38I have to talk to Blanche de la Pain.
14:41The white rabbit.
14:42Blanche?
14:43She's gone again.
14:45She gave the queen something great.
14:47She said,
14:48Blanche?
14:49She's gone again.
14:51She gave the queen something great.
14:53She said,
14:57Thank you.
14:59Can I ask you a question?
15:01Why, why, why is the banana stupid?
15:05It's time for the soup.
15:09I'd like to stay,
15:10but I'm late for an important meeting.
15:13Tell me.
15:14Why, why is the banana stupid?
15:17You mean,
15:18why is the banana stupid?
15:20It's actually crooked.
15:22It's a little crooked.
15:24Would you ever trust a banana with your car keys?
15:27You're wasting your time
15:29with the guy in the Erol Flynn costume.
15:31Who doesn't get it?
15:33I don't get it
15:34because you're talking nonsense all the time.
15:36Now tell me where I can find
15:38this weird rabbit
15:39so I can get out of here.
15:41I think Blanche will appear in the palace tonight.
15:45Where is the palace?
15:48Buckingham.
15:49Opposite the Tower Bridge.
15:51Not the palace, you idiot.
15:54Change of seats, please.
15:58No problemo.
15:59I'm on my own.
16:01I'm on my own.
16:15Susie, from behind.
16:16Do you like it?
16:17Wonderful.
16:18Tell me where the palace is.
16:20Oh, easy.
16:21Just go through this tree.
16:28Sorry.
16:29I meant this one.
16:47I have to talk to you, my bunny.
16:50Get rid of him!
16:51Get rid of him!
16:52Get rid of him!
16:53Get rid of him!
17:00Get rid of him!
17:06Your armor is mine.
17:18This guy is annoying.
17:20He's trying to steal my handkerchief.
17:23Can we take a little break?
17:30Stay there.
17:31Where are you going with my handkerchief, young man?
17:36Your Majesty, this handkerchief has been stolen.
17:39I can't stand men wearing handkerchiefs.
17:43Especially when they're walking around with a thing.
17:47It's a gift for my girlfriend for her birthday,
17:50which I keep forgetting.
17:51Please give it back to me.
17:53Get rid of him right now!
17:55But he's obviously honest.
17:57But he's obviously honest.
17:59And your handkerchief will go with it, too.
18:02What do I say?
18:03Get rid of all the handkerchiefs in the entire post office area.
18:06Gordon Shumway won't let himself be un-handkerchiefed.
18:11I'm going to need new passport pictures soon.
18:16The next witness is Matt Cater.
18:19That dimwit again.
18:21Hit him in the head.
18:28Just one witness at a time.
18:30Hit him in the rump!
18:37Hit him in the rump yourself, you fat, stupid aunt!
18:42Give him the tail, too.
18:45Now, let's get to my handkerchief, my friend.
18:50This bunny stole my handkerchief.
18:53May I sit down, please?
18:56But I didn't steal it.
18:59You bought it for me.
19:01That's not true.
19:02It's a gift for my...
19:06Rhonda!
19:07Tell me, are you crazy?
19:09Surprise!
19:11Happy birthday!
19:13But I don't have a birthday.
19:17You don't have a birthday, Gordon.
19:20Actually, everyone has a birthday today.
19:22Except me, because I have a birthday today.
19:25Since when are you so strange, Rhonda?
19:27Of course you wouldn't understand.
19:30That's why I took the bag, so you could follow me here.
19:33Happy birthday!
19:45Stop it!
19:46You don't have to give me presents.
19:49Just a little corner, with the cream on it and the cat's ear.
19:53Wake up, Gordon!
19:58It was a dream!
20:00Rhonda, open the drawer.
20:02There's something in there for you.
20:07A bag of snail skin?
20:09Oh, Gordon!
20:11I took some with me, but it's beautiful!
20:14You don't believe what I went through to get there.
20:17You're not evil anymore, are you?
20:19I'm not, but...
20:20So, what is it, Chumwey?
20:22I love this story.
20:24Let's make more of it.
20:26I knew you'd find your way in there.
20:29You are the born Alice.
20:33Alice?
20:35No, I refuse to wear women's clothes.
20:38Oh, excuse me.
20:44Sometimes I hate show business.
20:53Hello, my dear mail friends.
20:55I'm just saying, Traritra Radipost is here,
20:58with her, a letter from Jennifer Lynn from Santa Barbara.
21:02And what does she write us?
21:04Dear, good Alfie.
21:06Well, that sounds very friendly.
21:08Okay, kids, you're all welcome to listen.
21:13I used to be a really ugly child.
21:16So ugly that my dear parents tied a cutlet around my neck
21:21so that they would at least play the round with me.
21:25But today I'm a beauty, my parents say,
21:28and they want to send me to a beauty contest.
21:31Do you know where a dog show is being held?
21:34I should probably go to the Möpsen.
21:36Please answer me immediately.
21:39Under the catchphrase, a pretty fat dog.
21:42Well, I think that's enough for today.
21:45Maybe someone will send me a bone next time.
21:48See you next time.