“Maxene Magulo-na” raw siya noong mga panahong nagluluksa sa pagkawala ng kanyang ama, the King of Rap Francis Magalona. Mula sa pagpa-party, pag-inom at pagkakaroon ng “adult tantrums,” lahat napagdaanan niya dahil sa dinadalang problema. Totoo rin daw na lumayo siya sa sariling pamilya. Kumusta na si Maxene ngayon? Panoorin ang sagot sa video.
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00:00I'm also not ashamed to admit that I was an alcoholic back then and also it was because of my father's death.
00:05Because I didn't know how to deal with it.
00:08So I turned to alcohol, I turned to partying so that I could numb the pain.
00:13And then everyone was like, I guess, giving me something because they knew that I was going through something.
00:20Because me drinking, partying, that was me resisting what was happening in the present moment.
00:27That was me denying my pain.
00:30It's painful to go through the breakup and it's also painful to stay where you're not meant to stay.
00:35So which one do you choose?
00:36I chose the first one. I chose the pain of going through the breakup.
00:41Updaters, another showbiz royalty that I can talk to.
00:46You know, I get really excited when I talk to showbiz royalties here on Updated with Nelson Canlas.
00:53Because, I don't know, there's this sense of excitement about what you're going to say.
01:03Especially when you haven't talked for a long time.
01:06Just like my good friend, Maxine Magalona.
01:11Hi, Max!
01:12Hi, Nelson! Thank you for having me and congratulations on your podcast.
01:18Yes, and finally, it was a success.
01:20Because I said, I'm going to tease you.
01:23We haven't seen each other for a long time, right?
01:26I said, Max, your glow is different.
01:29Like, it's different.
01:32I know, right?
01:34You know what I mean, right?
01:35Yes.
01:36So, normally, when I say that to her, she'll be like, no, no, no.
01:42But this time, in a calm, soothing way, she said, thank you.
01:47So, I've been working on that.
01:49Yes, exactly.
01:51Why is your aura so beautiful?
01:54Why is your glow so beautiful?
01:56Why does it feel like you're giving peace?
02:01Yes, yes.
02:03Because that's what I realized, Nelson.
02:05That peace of mind, it's such a gift.
02:08And it's something that you really have to work hard to get, you know?
02:12It's not easy to achieve inner peace.
02:16And I think the reason why I am this way right now, why my energy is like this,
02:22is because I have been doing the work to face my pain.
02:26That's it.
02:27Everything that I've been through—
02:30Because when I was younger, I used to resist.
02:33I used to not accept what I was going through.
02:38I felt like life was being unfair.
02:40I felt like the universe was tripping me on all the things I was going through before.
02:46Yes, I know that.
02:48And I saw that face.
02:50That you were angry with the world.
02:52A lot.
02:54This is what happens when we grow up with a lot of painful experiences.
02:58And, of course, we all go through pain, right?
03:00But what we didn't learn when we were much younger is how to deal with that pain.
03:07No one really taught us.
03:09In school, we go to school to study math and science.
03:13But not really to study about our emotions.
03:17And to learn about how to deal with negative energy.
03:21So that's what I learned when I got beautifully stranded in Bali during the pandemic.
03:26That's when the pandemic hit me.
03:28During 2020, I was there for a total of one year and one week.
03:34No way.
03:36I'm not kidding.
03:37Like 365 days.
03:40Plus one week, yes.
03:41What happened was, I took a teacher training there.
03:45And I flew there on February 29 of 2020.
03:50My teacher training at that time was March 1 to 24.
03:54That was the schedule.
03:55And March 15 was the lockdown, remember?
03:58So global lockdown March 15.
04:00I was in Bali.
04:02And at that time, I was panicking.
04:04Of course, it was very stressful and overwhelming to get to be in a different country
04:09while the global lockdown was happening.
04:12But what happened there was, I took it as a challenge for myself.
04:16That if I go home in a panic, it means I gave in to my fear.
04:22But what I wanted to do at that time was to surrender.
04:25And I wanted to trust God's plan.
04:28So I didn't go home in a panic.
04:30Instead, I said, I feel like this pandemic is only for two months.
04:34I said, I'll just stay here.
04:36And then I ended up staying.
04:38And then, I was there for a year.
04:40Of course, there were a lot of fears that came up.
04:42I was afraid a lot.
04:44I was thinking, what if I get sick there?
04:46What if I run out of funds?
04:48And then, the more I surrendered, the more I trusted God's plan,
04:53the more the answers came one by one.
04:55All the prices of restaurants and hotels were discounted.
05:00Because they needed us to stay there.
05:02So the people who were stranded there, plus the local businesses,
05:06we were all working together so that we could all survive.
05:10So I felt that my time there was very much needed
05:15so that I could heal myself.
05:17And then, as a yoga and meditation teacher,
05:20I could also pass the teachings when it was time for me to go back to Manila.
05:24And that's exactly what happened.
05:26So I think the reason why you can see this new aura,
05:29this new glow in me,
05:31it's because I have been facing what I need to face inside of myself.
05:36And I realized that no matter what makeup I put on,
05:40no matter what expensive clothes and bags I wear,
05:43if you're not okay inside, it will show on the outside.
05:47It will be seen and it will register on the outside.
05:50So now, I realized I had to go through that healing journey
05:56so that I can be who I am today.
05:59I'm so proud!
06:02I want to cry.
06:04My girl has grown up!
06:08Right, Nelson? We never thought that this day would come.
06:10I'm not ashamed to admit that I was a coward back then.
06:13And also, it was because of my father's death.
06:16Because I didn't know how to deal with it.
06:19So I turned to alcohol.
06:20I turned to partying so that I could numb the pain.
06:24And then, everyone was like, I guess,
06:26they were giving me something because they knew I was going through something.
06:30So everyone could see my behavior in public.
06:36But it was also because I was going through something.
06:38But I guess now that I am healing,
06:41I can share that whatever pain we go through,
06:45it's not an excuse to be irresponsible and to have negative energy.
06:52It's not an excuse.
06:53Whatever we go through in life, it is a test and it is a challenge
06:58for us to rise above those negative experiences
07:01and to choose healing, to choose the path of,
07:05you know, choosing to do the right thing
07:07instead of letting ourselves be defeated by what happened to us.
07:11Okay, I know this may sound unfair.
07:13Like, of course, some people probably would tell you,
07:18Francis Magalona's daughter, I mean, she's a showbiz royalty.
07:22It's like pain, pain, pain.
07:23There's no such thing as pain.
07:24There's no such thing as going through that, right?
07:26So it's like an entitlement.
07:28Mmm, I get that.
07:32I get those comments.
07:34Like they say, meditation is just for the rich.
07:37Or something like that.
07:38Or for example, they say that because we're artists
07:43and because we are in the limelight,
07:45they think that when we share our vulnerable moments and experiences
07:50that we're overreacting or overly dramatic,
07:54feeling nila porkit we are in the limelight or artista,
07:58that we do not have the right to feel pain.
08:00But I'm here to share that whether you are in a different status,
08:05you come from a different background,
08:08whether we have different jobs,
08:10CEO man niya ng kumpanya o yung janitor ng kumpanya,
08:14it doesn't matter.
08:15We all go through pain.
08:17And my pain, we all have pains.
08:20And I'm not saying that some pains are bigger and more malala than others.
08:25We're not even supposed to be comparing.
08:28We are supposed to be holding space for each other.
08:31They may think na OA ako,
08:34pero my point is,
08:36I don't even have to divulge yung details ng pain na pinagdaanan ko eh.
08:41Because those are just, especially being a public figure,
08:44I feel like it's going to be irresponsible of me
08:47to name names,
08:49to talk about my details,
08:52kung ano talaga yung pinagdaanan ko.
08:55Kasi at the end of the day,
08:56no matter what I went through with a certain person,
08:59family ko man yan or ex-partner,
09:01it doesn't matter because at the end of the day,
09:03it's my problem to deal with.
09:06I am not here to blame others.
09:08I understand that their actions,
09:11I cannot control it.
09:12I can only control the way I respond.
09:15So what I would say to the people who say na
09:17I parang entitled ako because I am talking about pain kahit na
09:22quote unquote maayos at maganda at maginhawa ang buhay ko,
09:27that's not true.
09:29Hindi po natin alam kung anong pinagdadaanan ng bawat isa.
09:32Kaya nga sinasabi diba,
09:34be kind because you don't know the battle that they are facing.
09:38Ang ganda nung sinabi mo,
09:40na parang kasi siyempre diba,
09:41normally ganun tayo eh,
09:42na parang okay na yung pain mo.
09:46Tignan mo nga yung si ganito.
09:48Tignan mo nga yung pain niya,
09:51mas malala.
09:52Alam mo, it just dawned on me nung sinabi mo yun na,
09:55oo nga no,
09:56we should not be comparing each other's pain.
09:58Yes, totoo to.
10:01We tend to compare so that we can feel better about ourselves eh.
10:06Like ako, na-experience ko na rin yan,
10:08especially when I'm feeling insecure.
10:10Titingin ako sa iba tas magahanap ako ng mali nila.
10:13Parang hindi ako mag-feel masyadong insecure.
10:16And then I catch myself and I'm like,
10:18that's not right.
10:19We're not supposed to compare.
10:21Kunyari, when I'm going through a painful experience,
10:24titingin na lang ako sa buhay ng iba tas nasabihin ko,
10:27okay lang, mas masakit naman yung pinagdadaanan niya,
10:29hindi na, okay na ako.
10:30That's totally wrong.
10:33Kasi, ano tawag dito?
10:35Kasi we are not here to compare our pain to each other eh.
10:43We are here to help each other how to overcome that pain.
10:46So what I would say is,
10:49we cannot compare.
10:50Usually people say that yung,
10:52wag ka nang ma-depress,
10:53tignan mo nga yung buhay niya.
10:54Kasi uncomfortable din sila eh.
10:57They feel uncomfortable when they see you depressed
10:59or when they see you feeling negative energy.
11:03Instead of talking about it,
11:05kaagad, let's brush it off,
11:07let's brush it aside,
11:08wag na natin pag-usapan kasi weird and uncomfortable.
11:12But what I would share is,
11:14the only way that we can truly deal with pain
11:17is when we can actually talk about it.
11:20And of course we choose the people we talk to.
11:22Hindi naman yung parang kailangan ibuhos na lang natin
11:25lahat ng sama ng loob natin sa lahat ng nakikita natin.
11:28But more of healing,
11:30it takes, it requires you to face your pain,
11:34to talk about it,
11:36to acknowledge saan ba nanggagaling yung pain mo.
11:40So hindi natin pwedeng sabihin yung,
11:42wag na natin pag-usapan yan,
11:44masyado kang depressed,
11:45i-let go mo na lang yan,
11:46i-inom na lang natin yan.
11:48Hindi pwede yun.
11:49Kasi the more you distract yourself from that pain,
11:53the more your pain is going to build up
11:55and in bigger ways,
11:57it's going to get your attention later on.
11:59Exactly.
12:00Nasabog ka, maglalasing ka,
12:02tas hindi mo na maalala.
12:04Kasi hindi mo pinansin yung nararamdaman mo.
12:06And when you wake up the following day,
12:09the pain's still there.
12:11It's still going to haunt you.
12:12At may hangover ka pa kasi ininom mo.
12:15Okay, you were talking about pain kanina
12:18and ako, personally,
12:23I've seen you in a lot of your pains.
12:27When you talk about pain,
12:29at ang unang-unang lumalabas sa bibig mo is
12:32the death of your father.
12:35Yes.
12:37Hanggang ngayon ba, daladala mo yun?
12:40Or are you over it?
12:41Parang ang feeling ko kasi,
12:42you don't get over a pain as big as dati.
12:50You don't.
12:51You learn to live with it,
12:53but in a healthy way.
12:57The person that I am today,
12:59I owe so much of that
13:02to losing my father.
13:04Because I feel that when he passed away,
13:10it really made me find myself.
13:14Kasi for the longest time,
13:16kilala ako bilang anak ni Francis M.
13:19And then nung nawala siya,
13:20plus best friend ko pa siya,
13:22I considered him my best friend.
13:24Parang feeling ko yung buong mundo ko'y gumuho.
13:27Alam mo yun?
13:28So when I was going through that painful experience,
13:34hindi ko na-realize five years na pala
13:36akong tuloy-tuloy umiinom at pumaparty.
13:39Kasi nagsimula yan,
13:41syempre masakit, ininom ko.
13:43Tapos I kept making an excuse,
13:46ah, umiinom ako, naglalasing ako,
13:47kasi nawala si papa eh.
13:49And then five years na pala,
13:51ganun pa rin yung excuse ko.
13:53So you get caught in that cycle
13:56of distracting yourself,
13:58numbing the pain,
13:59and then when you wake up the next day,
14:01nandiyan pa rin naman.
14:02So what I had to do was,
14:04I had to come to terms with it.
14:06I had to accept it.
14:07Kasi me drinking, partying,
14:10that was me resisting
14:12what was happening in the present moment.
14:14That was me denying my pain.
14:17And then when I started accepting,
14:20turning inward,
14:21feeling that pain,
14:23crying what I needed to cry,
14:25lahat ng emotions na hindi ko pinansin
14:27nung limang taon na yun,
14:29iniyak ko siya,
14:30hinarap ko siya,
14:31dinamdam ko siya,
14:33and finally tinanggap ko.
14:35Tinanggap ko that my dad's death
14:37is a part of my human experience,
14:41and it is one of my unique assignments from God.
14:45Feeling ko kasi lahat ng mga pinagdadaanan natin,
14:48challenges sa buhay natin,
14:50yan yung mga unique assignment
14:51na binibigay sa atin ni God,
14:53na alam niyang kaya nating daanan.
14:56Hindi niya tayo binibigyan ng pagsubok
14:58na hindi natin kaya.
15:00Akala lang natin hindi natin kaya,
15:02pero when I started accepting that death,
15:05the death of my dad,
15:06when I started turning inward,
15:08mas napalapit ako kay God.
15:10Kasi dun ko na-realize
15:12na kaya tayo dumadaan sa pagsubok,
15:14dahil yun yung si God na kinakalabit na tayo,
15:17dahil masyado na tayong napalayo sa Kanye,
15:20masyado na tayong na-focus
15:23dito sa iba nating mga ginagawa sa mundong ito,
15:26na nalimutan na natin
15:28yung personal na relationship natin with God.
15:30So what happened was,
15:31I developed a strong relationship with God,
15:34I accepted my dad's death,
15:37and I cried what I needed to cry,
15:40and then I became lighter.
15:42I became more conscious of what was happening
15:46around me and inside me.
15:48And what I would say is,
15:50more accepting, surrender,
15:51more open,
15:53more open,
15:54more accepting,
15:55more trusting God's plan.
15:58Kasi hindi pa payagan ni God na mangyari ito
16:01kung walang purpose.
16:02Our pain always serves a purpose,
16:05and that is what I needed to go through
16:07para makilala ko rin yung sarili ko.
16:09Kahit gano'ng kasakit yun marinig for me,
16:11na I had to lose my dad in order to find myself,
16:15I accept na yun talaga yung pinailangan kong daanan.
16:18And of course,
16:19being the person that I am now,
16:21hindi na umiinom, hindi na pumaparty,
16:23this is what would make my dad proud, diba?
16:26Hindi yung pumaparty ako,
16:27hindi yung nagiinom ako at malungkot,
16:30I'm sure my dad would want to see me this way.
16:32So yes, there are still sometimes,
16:34especially Father's Day,
16:36masakit, malungkot,
16:38but the more I accept,
16:40the more I understand,
16:41okay lang sakin kahit minsan masakit.
16:44Hindi ko siya tinatakbuhan,
16:45hindi ko na siya tinatanikuran,
16:47tinatanggap ko na losing a loved one,
16:49especially the closest one to you,
16:52I accept that it will hurt once in a while,
16:55but it's okay.
16:56Tanggap ko,
16:57hindi ko na siya tinatakbuhan,
16:59and mas napapalakas pa ako ng pain na yun.
17:02Kasi that pain actually allows me to be creative.
17:05Sometimes I write something for my dad,
17:08or nagpopost ako ng something
17:10that can help the mental health of other people,
17:13it makes me creative.
17:14My pain makes me creative.
17:16It makes me creative enough
17:18to transform the negative energy to positive energy.
17:21Wow.
17:23Wow.
17:24Sorry ha, babwel talang ako ha.
17:27Okay, I will be honest with you ha.
17:30Nung time na yun,
17:31ang feeling ko you never trusted anyone.
17:34Ay, oo.
17:35You're angry with everyone,
17:37you don't trust anyone,
17:40you just want company,
17:42but you don't trust the people around you.
17:45No.
17:46I wanted company,
17:48and even if I was surrounded with so many people,
17:51I always felt alone.
17:54Ganon yung feeling ko.
17:55And that was because of the trauma that I went through.
17:58Wala akong sinisise Nelson.
17:59Wala akong sinisise sa kung ano man ang pinagdaanan ko.
18:04But I also understand that the way I was before,
18:08very unconscious,
18:09very unaware,
18:11very lost.
18:14I was really lost.
18:15I really didn't understand.
18:17And imagine,
18:18I had to be okay in front of the camera.
18:21So talagang nakaka-mentally unwell.
18:24My situation was very challenging.
18:28I was going through pain,
18:29but I really couldn't go through it
18:31because I had to be okay to be able to work.
18:34So imagine, ang hirap.
18:35Mahirap talaga.
18:36Nelson, I wish, my hope is,
18:38sana mapag-usapan yung direct correlation
18:42at mental health.
18:46It affects your mental health so much.
18:49And I hope more artistas and more celebrities
18:53can understand that this industry
18:56can be very mentally challenging.
18:59Kaya I hope that they're taking care of their mental health
19:02more than anything.
19:04Alam mo, Max, aside from showbiz,
19:06actually in any industry,
19:08kahit nasabihin ng BPO,
19:10kahit sabihin ng banking industry,
19:12basta nagtatrabaho ka,
19:13basta lumalabas ka ng bahay mo
19:15para makisalamuha sa ibang tao,
19:17you have to put on a face kasi.
19:20Deba?
19:20And sometimes you're unwell,
19:22but you have to be okay.
19:25And you know,
19:26deba, dapat nga sinasabi na natin,
19:29ninonormalize na natin ngayon,
19:31it's okay not to be okay.
19:34Yes.
19:34Yes, exactly.
19:35Like, it's an internal struggle.
19:39When you have to go to work and put on a mask,
19:42na hindi mo man lang maamin sa sarili mo
19:44that you're not okay.
19:45Kumbaga parang pinipilit mo yung sarili mo maging okay
19:48because alam mo makikipagkita ka na sa co-workers mo.
19:51But my suggestion would be,
19:53be honest with yourself.
19:55Be honest.
19:56Kahit sa sarili mo lang aminin mo
19:58hindi ako okay today.
19:59Tas pagdating mo sa work,
20:00you can put on a happy face
20:03and then maybe choose someone that you can talk to and say,
20:06Pwede bang tulungan mo ko today?
20:07Hindi ako okay.
20:11Let's find ways to navigate our way
20:14nang hindi tayo nagsisinungaling sa sarili natin.
20:17Hindi kailangan magsinungaling.
20:19Kailangan natin magpatutok.
20:20Kaya tayo nagsastruggle with mental health.
20:23It's because we are not being honest with ourselves.
20:25We are not dealing with what we need to deal with inside
20:29because we need to be okay.
20:31So ang mangyayari,
20:32hindi ka okay,
20:33pupunta ka sa work,
20:34you will lie to everyone
20:36that you're okay
20:37and when you go home,
20:38you already forgot that you're not okay.
20:40Then you start lying.
20:42Because you didn't face it.
20:45Exactly.
20:45And I would like to know, Max,
20:50what's the tipping point?
20:56What's the trigger?
21:00Kailangan ko na iwan ito.
21:02This is not doing good.
21:04This is not doing me good.
21:06Ayoko na nito.
21:07Okay.
21:09When it comes to romantic relationships or a job
21:13or something na nandyan ka,
21:16you're having second thoughts,
21:18kung tama pa ba tong decision na to para sa akin?
21:21Tama pa ba tong situation na to para sa akin?
21:24What I would answer is,
21:26the moment you don't feel safe to be yourself anymore,
21:30that's your cue to go.
21:32Because you have to feel safe.
21:35You have to be okay to be who you are.
21:38The moment na kunyari sa trabaho mo,
21:40kailangan mo magpretend kasi yung boss mo
21:42ayaw makita yung totoong ikaw,
21:44I think that's a cue for you to go
21:46because you have to go to places
21:48where you are valued,
21:49where you are celebrated.
21:51So even in toxic relationships,
21:54if you are walking on eggshells,
21:56if you find yourself having to change yourself
22:00so that your partner will approve of you,
22:02that for me is already an unsafe environment
22:05and that's your cue to leave.
22:07And I know it's easier said than done,
22:09but think about this,
22:11five years ka nang nasa toxic relationship
22:14or sa toxic job environment na yan,
22:16alam kong sinasabi mong sayang yung five years,
22:19pero anong masayang?
22:20Yung five years o yung plus ten years
22:23na hindi ka pa umalis,
22:24tas tinuloy-tuloy mo pa.
22:27So when you're starting to feel na parang hindi na tama,
22:31always listen to your intuition,
22:33yung gut feeling natin, Nelson, yung gut feel.
22:37Kasi ang problema natin, Nelson, sa mundo ngayon,
22:40we are overthinking and yet we are underfeeling.
22:44We have to feel our way through our journey.
22:46We have to feel if this is the right decision.
22:49And how do we feel?
22:50We feel it in our body.
22:51The body will tell you,
22:53wag tayo dyan.
22:54And you have to trust that.
22:56Wag tayong magpakastuck sa utak natin
22:58because our minds are just logical.
23:01They are just there to protect you,
23:04to intellectualize the situation.
23:06But at the end of the day,
23:07you also have to listen to your heart.
23:09So it's always a combination of head and heart.
23:12It can't just be one.
23:13So we have to change our overthinking ways
23:17and allow our hearts to feel,
23:19drop into our hearts and feel,
23:21tama ba tong desisyon na to para sa akin?
23:24And trust that kasi hindi ka bibiguin ng soul mo.
23:27Hindi talaga.
23:29Sa nangyari sa'yo,
23:30well, obviously,
23:32you were in a toxic relationship with yourself
23:35for five years.
23:37And I think that's the most toxic any person can be.
23:42Yung relationship mo sa sarili mo at toxic siya.
23:46Ngayon, ano yung nangyari?
23:50What's the trigger sa'yo?
23:52Kaya mo sinabing, ayoko na?
23:54Yes, tama ka, Nelson.
23:56Hindi yung mga toxic relationships natin
24:00with our partners or families.
24:01Yung toxic relationship with ourselves.
24:04Yan ang pinaka nakakalason talaga.
24:07Kasi the most important relationship
24:09that you will ever have
24:10is your relationship with yourself
24:12and your relationship with God.
24:13That's it.
24:14You have to keep a strong relationship with yourself,
24:17meaning kilala mo dapat ang sarili mo.
24:19And the tipping point for me was,
24:21when I started getting disgusted with myself,
24:24was I was probably around 28 to 30.
24:28Around that time, I'm 37 already now.
24:31Maybe, sorry, around 30 to 33 years old.
24:34During that period,
24:36I was getting disappointed and disgusted with myself
24:40because I would have what I would call adult tantrums.
24:44I would explode over the smallest reasons.
24:47I would have these mga outrage, outbursts.
24:51And then I would kick doors
24:53and punch walls.
24:55And it's very unattractive.
24:57And I kept asking myself,
24:59where is that anger coming from?
25:01Alam mo yun, konting may banggitin lang yung tao sa paligid ko.
25:05Pag hindi ko nagustuhan, sasabog na ako.
25:08Hindi naman niya kasalanan.
25:09Hindi niya alam na matitrigger ako doon, diba?
25:12So what I learned in my journey is,
25:14you can't control other people kahit pinaprovoke kanila.
25:18You can't control them.
25:19You can only control the way you react.
25:21So when I started seeing
25:23na hindi na proportion yung reaction ko doon sa nangyayari,
25:27doon na ako nag-decide na kailangan ko na ng professional help.
25:31And that's when I started going to my psychiatrist
25:34back in, I think, 2019.
25:37So, yes, yun.
25:41Yun yung nangyari.
25:42Grabe.
25:43You know, I feel so guilty as a friend.
25:48Why?
25:48No, because hindi ko alam na ganun nakagrabe yung pinagdadaan
25:53I've always thought you were okay.
25:55But what I would say, Nelson,
25:57is I'm so grateful to you and Aubrey for accepting me.
25:59Kahit si Maxine magulo na ako noon.
26:02Oo, oo.
26:03Iba pa yung energy ko noon.
26:05But you guys were always just too nice to me and accepting
26:09kahit na ganun yung pinapakita ko.
26:11I'm sorry.
26:12I would like to apologize for how I used to behave when I was younger.
26:15But I'd also like to thank you for being non-judgmental towards me.
26:19No, actually, yun nga eh.
26:21Minahal ka namin doon sa mga flaws mo eh.
26:24Hindi dahil mabait ka, hindi dahil...
26:29You know what I mean, right?
26:33There's no condition.
26:34Parang kahit na pag alam namin na, oh, yung nalasing ka,
26:39and you will say a lot of stuff na pati kami awayin mo,
26:44tas makakalimutan mo na following day.
26:47Oo, nangyari po yun.
26:49Like, parang super.
26:50Grabe.
26:50Pero like, it's like, okay lang.
26:52Kasi parang ang feeling namin, okay ka naman eh.
26:55Pero ngayon, I feel so guilty.
26:59Kasi yung parang I did not dig any deeper.
27:06Pero kasi Nelson, lahat naman tayo wala pang idea tungkol sa mental health back then.
27:11Kaya wala tayong idea.
27:13So that's why now, hopefully, kung meron mga nakikinig at nanunood nito ngayon,
27:19sana ma-realize nila na huwag tayo mag-judge
27:22kung meron tayong nakitang kaibigan natin na may pinagadaanan.
27:25Kasi hindi talaga natin alam eh kung ano talaga yung nararamdaman nila.
27:30Alam mo maganda yan, ano?
27:32We judge people eh.
27:36Pag nakikita natin yung pain nila,
27:39ginadjudge natin sila kung paano silang mag-deal ng pain nila.
27:43Parang, ah, mahina to.
27:44Ah, ganito to.
27:45Ah, ganito to.
27:46Or parang, di ba minsan, lalo na pag yung malalapit sa atin,
27:50when they show pain, parang pain pa minsan yung binabato natin pabalik eh.
27:56Kasi di ba parang, hindi ka dapat maging mahina,
28:00or hindi ka dapat ano,
28:01or I'm, ah, hindi ito, hindi ako worthy ng ano,
28:06ng, ng, ng binibigay mo sakin ngayon.
28:11Not thinking na, parang, baka dun tayo mas kailangan ng tao.
28:16Exactly.
28:18Kaya nga, di ba, there's a saying,
28:19be kind to the unkind,
28:21because they are the ones who need it the most.
28:24Di ba? It's easy to judge.
28:25I will always remember that, ah.
28:27Maganda yan.
28:28Maganda yan, be kind to the unkind.
28:31Wow.
28:32Because they are the ones who need it the most.
28:34It's easy to judge, Nelson.
28:35It's really easy to judge.
28:37Pero when I went through my healing journey,
28:40I promised myself na I will lessen my judgment of others.
28:44Kasi iba iba tayo ng pain,
28:46at iba iba rin tayo ng coping mechanism.
28:49So, for me, I don't judge people who still drink their sorrows away.
28:54Kasi dinaanan ko rin yan.
28:55But what I would suggest is,
28:57huwag nyo nangdaanan kung pe pwede, matuto kayo sa akin.
29:00Hindi makakatulong pag iiinom mo lang yung, ng alcohol yan.
29:04It's better talaga to face it, to deal with it,
29:07and if you have the means for it, seek professional help.
29:10But just don't be afraid of your pain,
29:13kasi your pain is there to make you stronger and wiser.
29:16So, huwag natin i-judge yung mga tao for the way they,
29:20how they deal with their pain.
29:22And let's try our best to hold space for them.
29:26Meron din kasi, Nelson, mga tao,
29:28akala natin they're dealing with their pain.
29:30Yun pala, tinatambak lang sa atin.
29:32Ine-emotionally dump lang sa atin yung mga problema nila.
29:36But they're not really doing the work to solve those problems.
29:41So, we need to hold space,
29:43pero kung nakikita natin naa-apektohan na yung energy natin,
29:47ng negative energy nila,
29:49you have to cut ties also with toxic people
29:51para matuto rin sila how to deal with it the healthy way.
29:55Naku, Nelson, marami na tayong pwedeng i-research ngayon sa internet,
29:58how to know if I'm being toxic,
30:01how to change my toxic energy.
30:03Wala na tayong excuse.
30:05Marami kang mariresearch na mga audiobooks, podcasts,
30:09para matulungan yung healing journey mo.
30:12When you started your healing journey, Max,
30:14you think naayos mo yung...
30:17Ito, I'll be candid about this.
30:20We know naman for a while that, you know,
30:22there was problem in your family.
30:25Like, diba, you were fighting with your sister,
30:28you were not being a good daughter, ganyan.
30:32So, ito ba, naayos mo lahat ito after your healing journey?
30:37Okay.
30:38Part of the healing journey is cutting ties with relationships,
30:44kahit family pa yan,
30:45na hindi na nakakabute para sa inyong pareho,
30:49para sa inyong dalawa.
30:49Naniniwala ako dyan.
30:50Naniniwala ako dyan.
30:51Exactly.
30:52It's part of the healing process.
30:55So, when I decided to keep a healthy distance,
30:58that's what I would call it.
31:00I kept a healthy distance from my family for a while
31:04so that I can find myself,
31:06so that I can understand myself saan nanggagaling yung pain.
31:11Now, I'm not saying na sinisisi ko sa family ko yung pain ko.
31:15Hindi.
31:16Ang sinasabi ko is, and this happens to most families,
31:20growing up, we become dependent on each other.
31:22We become a codependent family.
31:25Kasi yung energies natin na-entangle sa isa't-isa.
31:29And hindi kasalanan ng family yun.
31:32It's just that lumaki tayo na sobrang close sa isa't-isa.
31:36And then when we become adults,
31:38we have to break away for a while
31:40para mas makilala natin ang gusto yung sarili natin.
31:44So, even if it was a painful decision,
31:47it was one of the most painful things, Nelson.
31:49For me to stay away muna from my family,
31:52it was very much needed.
31:54Actually, it was the advice of my psychiatrist.
31:57And I had to explain it to my mom.
32:00And I also explained it to my sister, Sab.
32:03Na-explain ko naman sa kanila eh.
32:04Pero siyempre, at the beginning, lahat galit pa.
32:07And then later on, nung mas-masan na lahat,
32:11naintindihan na rin namin na,
32:12ay, okay din palang mag-cool off.
32:15Gets mo?
32:16Minsan sa relationship, kailangan natin mag-cool off.
32:19Ganun yung nangyari.
32:20Na-appreciate namin yung isa't-isa on a deeper level.
32:23Kasi may absence makes the heart grow fonder.
32:27So, dahil we took some time apart,
32:30mas na-miss at na-appreciate namin yung isa't-isa.
32:33And I am here to share that Sab and I,
32:36we are okay.
32:37Last year, nag-ano kami?
32:39Nag-reconnect kami last year.
32:41And we talked about it.
32:42We cried.
32:43We hugged.
32:45And then now, dahil magkalapit na kami ng tinitirhan,
32:48nakikita ko na siya with her kids.
32:50Nakilala ko na rin yung kids niya.
32:52And then even my mom,
32:54nagkita kami sa cemetery for my dad's 15th death anniversary.
32:58Okay kami.
32:59Kung baga, time was lost, but no love was lost.
33:04Nandiyan pa rin.
33:06You know, time also healed whatever wounds na meron kayo.
33:11Yes, exactly.
33:12It was very much needed, Nelson.
33:14I am here to say, for those listening
33:17and nag-iisip sila if they can't cut ties with their family,
33:21kung sa tingin ninyo kailangan na kailangan na gawin ninyo,
33:24kasi later on, God will bring you back together when it's time.
33:28You have to trust that.
33:30You have to trust that.
33:31Ang ganda, ang gaganda ng mga sinasabi mo, grabe.
33:34Di ba may kasabihan na if you love someone, set them free.
33:38Pero sometimes, di ba, ang kailangang is set free yung sarili mo.
33:41Totoo, totoo.
33:44At saka yung ayaw nating mag-let go for our own selfish purposes.
33:49Di ba?
33:49Maybe the...
33:51Saka yung nangyari doon, Nelson.
33:53Noong when I was trying to take a break from them,
33:56automatically, akala nila it was an attack towards them.
34:00Na parang sinasabi ko that they're not good people.
34:03No!
34:04Ang sinasabi ko is taking a break doesn't mean masama silang tao.
34:08Taking a break simply means I needed space and time for myself.
34:13Hindi ibig sabihin masama sila.
34:15I needed it for myself.
34:17And in-explain ko naman yun sa kanila ng maayos bago ko ginawa yung break.
34:22Yun.
34:23How are they welcoming this new Maxine now?
34:28Nagugulat sila.
34:29Nagugulat sila that I am...
34:31Doy! Ako nga nagugulat eh.
34:34Di ba? Nagugulat sila na I was able to mature this way.
34:40And I'm not saying I'm completely healed, Nelson.
34:43I'm not saying that I'm perfect na or whatever.
34:45It's more of nagugulat sila na possible pala mag-heal ng ganito
34:50despite lahat ng mga embarrassing and shameful episodes that I had in the past.
34:57Kasi mahirap mag-let go, Nelson, eh sa mga ganong nakakahiyang experiences.
35:01Mahirap i-let go at mahirap tanggapin.
35:04But once I started accepting and understanding that I was still very young.
35:10I was still very immature and naive.
35:13I did the best that I could at that time with the best that I had.
35:18Yun lang naman yung alam ko during that time, eh.
35:21So why will I punish myself, di ba?
35:24So part of healing is accepting your past mistakes and your past failures
35:29and understanding na holding on to shame kasi nahihiya ka sa mga ginawa mo,
35:35that's just gonna hold you back in the present moment, eh.
35:38That's not going to allow you to bloom and to flourish.
35:41So what I needed to do was I needed to heal by forgiving myself.
35:46That was my first step, to forgive myself for all of my past mistakes.