Combo Film
  • 6 months ago
Dark Star -HD (1974)
Transcript
00:00:00I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
00:00:30Hi guys, glad we got your message.
00:00:58You'll be interested to hear it was broadcast live all over Earth in prime time.
00:01:03Got good reviews in the trades.
00:01:07The time lag on these messages is getting longer.
00:01:12We gather from the ten year delay that you are approximately 18 parsecs away.
00:01:20Drop us a line more often, okay?
00:01:25Sorry to hear about the radiation leak on the ship.
00:01:30And real sorry to hear about the death of Commander Powell.
00:01:35It was a week of mourning here on Earth.
00:01:38The flags were half-masked.
00:01:41We're all behind you guys.
00:01:46About your request for radiation shielding,
00:01:51sorry to report this request has been denied.
00:01:55I hate to send bad news when you guys are up there doing such a swell job.
00:02:00But I think you'll take it in the proper spirit.
00:02:04There's been some cutbacks in Congress and right now,
00:02:08considering the distance, we just can't afford to send a cargo shuttle out there to you.
00:02:13But I know you guys will make do.
00:02:19Keep up the good work, men.
00:02:49♪♪♪
00:02:59♪♪♪
00:03:09♪♪♪
00:03:20What'd you say, Pinback?
00:03:26What was that again? I still can't hear you.
00:03:28I said I'm trying to reach Talby. Something's wrong with the damn intercom.
00:03:31I need a last-minute diameter approximation.
00:03:33Talby. Talby, this is Doolittle.
00:03:37Do you read me? Talby.
00:03:40Talby, do you read me?
00:03:42Talby!
00:03:43Oh, yes, Doolittle. What is it?
00:03:45I need a diameter approximation.
00:03:48Okay, Doolittle. I'll have it in a minute.
00:03:50I need a GHF reading on the gravity correction.
00:03:52I'll check it.
00:03:53I have a bias A of plus one.
00:03:55Pinback?
00:03:56Yeah, Doolittle?
00:03:57Your GHF reading is minus 15.
00:03:59Doolittle?
00:04:00Yeah?
00:04:01I need a computer reading on a fail-safe mark.
00:04:03In a second.
00:04:04Boiler, can you set me up with some drive figures?
00:04:06Ninety-seven million minus eight, corrected to mass critical.
00:04:10That checks out here.
00:04:12I have a reduced drive reading of 7,000.
00:04:15I read that with a quantum increase of seven.
00:04:18Pinback, I have that computer reading. It's 9577.
00:04:21Time to start toggling.
00:04:26Bombay systems operational.
00:04:40Lock fail-safe.
00:04:43Fail-safe in lock.
00:04:50Sergeant Pinback calling Bomb Number 19. Do you read me, Bomb?
00:04:54Bomb Number 19 to Sergeant Pinback. I read you. Continue.
00:04:57Well, Bomb, we have about 60 seconds to drop.
00:05:01Just wondering if everything's all right.
00:05:03Have you checked your platinum-ziridium energy shielding?
00:05:05Energy shielding positive function.
00:05:07Well, let's synchronize detonation time.
00:05:12You wouldn't have to know when you're supposed to go off, would you?
00:05:15Detonation in six minutes, 20 seconds.
00:05:18All right, that checks out here.
00:05:20Arm yourself, Bomb.
00:05:23Armed.
00:05:24Well, then, everything sounds fine.
00:05:27Dropping you off in about 35 seconds.
00:05:29Good luck.
00:05:30Thanks.
00:05:31Begin primary sequence.
00:05:39All right.
00:05:40Mark at...
00:05:4110...
00:05:429...
00:05:438...
00:05:447...
00:05:456...
00:05:465...
00:05:474...
00:05:483...
00:05:492...
00:05:501...
00:05:51Drop.
00:05:55Hyperdrive sequence begun. Hit it, Pinback.
00:05:57Brace for force fields.
00:06:4010...
00:06:419...
00:06:428...
00:06:437...
00:06:447...
00:06:456...
00:06:465...
00:06:474...
00:06:483...
00:06:492...
00:06:501...
00:06:51Drop.
00:06:55Lieutenant Doolittle, it just exploded.
00:06:58What?
00:06:59Something just exploded.
00:07:01From what I can see, it could be a bomb.
00:07:04It must be a drop.
00:07:07Lieutenant Doolittle, it just exploded.
00:07:12Um...
00:07:13The planet just exploded, sir.
00:07:17Lieutenant?
00:07:18Attention. Attention.
00:07:21Ship's computer to all personnel.
00:07:23The hyperdrive sequence is now terminated.
00:07:26The target planet has been destroyed.
00:07:29This sector is now clear for colonization.
00:07:33You have destroyed the last unstable planet in this system.
00:07:38Congratulations on another successful bomb run, fellows.
00:07:42What now? What do you have for us now, Boiler?
00:07:46Uh, not much. Nothing at all in this sector.
00:07:51Well, find me something. I don't care where it is.
00:07:55Well, I show a 95% probability of intelligent life in the Horsehead Nebula sector.
00:08:02Don't give me that kind of bull.
00:08:05I know it's a long shot, but...
00:08:07Damn wild goose chase, what is?
00:08:09Remember when Commander Powell found that 99-plus probability of intelligent life in Magellanic Cloud?
00:08:15Well, I... there's a possibility of...
00:08:17Remember what we found?
00:08:18That damn mindless vegetable looked like a limb balloon.
00:08:22Fourteen light years for a vegetable to only squawk and let up think when you touch it. Remember that?
00:08:26All right, then, uh...
00:08:27Don't give me any of that intelligent life stuff. Find me something I can blow up.
00:08:36New star.
00:08:46Hey, guess what? I got a new star on the readout.
00:08:49Which one?
00:08:51Another unknown. A red dwarf. Not on the chart.
00:08:55Any planets?
00:08:58Yeah. Eight, it says here.
00:09:00Any of them any good?
00:09:03Nah, all stable.
00:09:08Well, what are you going to name it?
00:09:10What?
00:09:11The new star. What are you going to name it?
00:09:14Who cares? Don't bother me.
00:09:17Commander Powell would have named it.
00:09:21Commander Powell is dead.
00:09:23Too little? I got a goody.
00:09:25An unstable planet.
00:09:27Eighty-five percent probability of an unstable planet in the Veil Nebula that will probably go off its orbit and hit a star.
00:09:33Want to blow it up?
00:09:36Real good, Boiler. That's what I'm looking for.
00:09:38Chart a course for the Veil Nebula.
00:09:41Let's have some music in here, Boiler.
00:09:43Sure thing.
00:10:10I think I'm over you
00:10:12I find I've just begun
00:10:15The years move faster than the days
00:10:18There's more of them in the light
00:10:21And how I miss those desert skies
00:10:24Your cool touch in the night
00:10:29Fence the Arizona
00:10:31Blue warm wind through your hair
00:10:34My body flies the galaxies
00:10:37My heart longs to be there
00:10:40Fence in Arizona
00:10:43The same stars in the sky
00:10:46But they seem so much kinder
00:10:49When we watch them you and I
00:11:08Fence in Arizona
00:11:11Blue warm wind through your hair
00:11:14My body flies the galaxies
00:11:17My heart longs to be there
00:11:20Fence in Arizona
00:11:23The same stars in the sky
00:11:26But they seem so much kinder
00:11:29When we watch them you and I
00:11:33Now the years pull us apart
00:11:36I'm young and now you're old
00:11:39But you're still in my heart
00:11:42And the memory won't grow cold
00:11:45I dream of times and spaces
00:11:48I left far behind
00:11:51Where we spent our last few days
00:11:55Fence is on my mind
00:11:59Fence in Arizona
00:12:02Blue warm wind through your hair
00:12:05My body flies the galaxies
00:12:08My heart longs to be there
00:12:11Fence in Arizona
00:12:14The same stars in the sky
00:12:17But they seem so much kinder
00:12:20When we watch them you and I
00:12:29Ship's log, entry number 1943
00:12:35Dark star cruising at light speed through sector
00:12:39Theta 990
00:12:42En route to the Veil Nebula for destruction of unstable flammable
00:12:47RETA is 17 hours
00:12:53Uh, ship's systems continue to deteriorate
00:12:59Oh yeah
00:13:01The short circuit in the rear seat panel which killed Commander Powell is still faulty
00:13:11The, uh, the storage...
00:13:16Because he's sitting next to Commander Powell's seat it continues to bother Pinback
00:13:24Oh yeah, storage area 9
00:13:28Self-destructed last week and destroyed the ship's entire supply of toilet paper
00:13:37That's all
00:13:57Attention, attention
00:14:00Ship's computer calling all personnel
00:14:03I must disengage your recreational music
00:14:07Repeat, ship's computer to all personnel
00:14:11This is an emergency override
00:14:14All systems must stand by
00:14:17An asteroid storm is approaching the ship on collision course
00:14:21All systems must stand by
00:14:24An asteroid storm is approaching the ship on collision course
00:14:28This asteroid storm appears to be bound together by an electromagnetic energy vortex
00:14:33Like the one we ran into two years ago
00:14:36Normally I wouldn't bother you boys with this problem
00:14:39But as you recall my defensive circuits were destroyed in that other storm
00:14:43Therefore you have 35 seconds to manually activate all defensive systems
00:14:47Lock gravity system
00:14:48Gravity lock
00:14:49Activate afterburner
00:14:50Energy sealing activated
00:14:51Aftergranate is on
00:14:52Confirmed
00:14:53Power drive signal activated
00:14:54Roger, retractive
00:14:55Unlock all defensive systems
00:14:58You have to set the clock on force field
00:15:50Computer to bomb number 20, return to the bomb bay immediately.
00:16:05But I have received the operational signal.
00:16:08It is a malfunction.
00:16:10This is not a bomb run.
00:16:12We are in a crisis situation.
00:16:14Return immediately.
00:16:16Nevertheless, I have received the signal to prepare for a drop.
00:16:20Emergency override. Return to the bay.
00:16:23Very well.
00:16:46We made it.
00:16:53Yeah.
00:16:55Attention, attention.
00:16:58Ship's computer to bridge.
00:17:00There was a malfunction aboard ship during the asteroid storm.
00:17:04I have not yet identified the nature of the problem.
00:17:08Shall I contact you when I find out what the malfunction is?
00:17:11Yeah, let's get out of here.
00:17:14I remember the last time we were in an asteroid storm.
00:17:17I was down in the food locker getting a sandwich
00:17:19when I heard the damn sleeping quarters blow up.
00:17:22Yeah.
00:17:23Say, you know guys, if we really wanted to,
00:17:25we could fix up the sleeping quarters like they were before.
00:17:28Then we could sleep on rheumatic bunks again.
00:17:31Say guys, why don't we fix up the sleeping quarters
00:17:33so we can have a decent place to sleep again?
00:17:35All we'd have to do is patch up the hole in the ship
00:17:37and pump some air back in.
00:17:38Shut up, Pinback.
00:17:39Do it your own way.
00:18:05For your listening enjoyment,
00:18:06we now present the moonlight melodies of Martin Segundo
00:18:09and the Scintilla Strings.
00:18:11Our first selection is the perennial favorite,
00:18:14When Twilight Falls on NGC 891.
00:18:36When Twilight Falls on NGC 891.
00:19:05When Twilight Falls on NGC 891.
00:19:34When Twilight Falls on NGC 891.
00:20:03When Twilight Falls on NGC 891.
00:20:30Damn it!
00:21:00Damn it!
00:21:29Damn it!
00:21:59Damn it!
00:22:28Damn it!
00:22:57Damn it!
00:23:26Damn it!
00:23:30Talby?
00:23:33Here's some breakfast.
00:24:00You know, Talby, you really ought to eat with the rest of us.
00:24:03You spend too much time up here.
00:24:07I like it up here.
00:24:09Must get lonely being up here so much.
00:24:13I don't like going below since Commander Powell died.
00:24:17I feel too enclosed down there.
00:24:20Yeah, you should spend some more time below, though.
00:24:22I mean, you know, you should see more of the rest of the ship.
00:24:27See, I can watch things up here, Doolittle.
00:24:30I love to watch things.
00:24:32Just stare at the planets, meteors, gas clusters and asteroids.
00:24:38Yeah, but you'll have plenty of time for that later, though.
00:24:42I mean, think of it this way.
00:24:43We've been in space for 20 years now, right?
00:24:45And we've only aged three years.
00:24:47So there'll be plenty of time later on for staring around.
00:24:53You know, Doolittle, if we're going into the Veil Nebula,
00:24:56we may actually find a strange and beautiful thing.
00:25:00The Phoenix asteroids.
00:25:03They should be passing through there about now.
00:25:07Phoenix asteroids?
00:25:09Never heard of them.
00:25:11They're a body of asteroids that circle the universe
00:25:14once every 12.3 trillion years.
00:25:18Phoenix asteroids.
00:25:21From what I've heard, Doolittle, they glow.
00:25:25Glow with all the colors of the rainbow.
00:25:29Nobody knows why.
00:25:32They just glow as they drift around the universe.
00:25:37Phoenix asteroids.
00:25:40You know what I think about, Talby?
00:25:44It's funny.
00:25:45I kind of sit around a lot, you know, a lot of time to myself.
00:25:52I can't talk to the others.
00:25:55But with time to myself, I can think about back home.
00:26:00Back home in Malibu.
00:26:04I used to surf a lot, Talby.
00:26:06I used to be a great surfer.
00:26:10The waves at Malibu and Zuma are so fantastic in the spring, Talby.
00:26:14I can remember running down on the beach in those early spring mornings
00:26:17with my surfboard and my wetsuit.
00:26:21The waves would really be peaking, you know, high and glassy.
00:26:24You hit that water.
00:26:26Before you know it, you're coming down right off one of those walls
00:26:28and you're just riding perfect.
00:26:38You know, I guess I miss the waves and my board more than anything.
00:26:50I don't know.
00:27:20That's the lid of the heating unit.
00:27:23You're not supposed to have that out.
00:27:52That's not for target practice.
00:27:55That's for emergencies only.
00:28:07That's dangerous.
00:28:15I'll tell Doolittle.
00:28:19Sorry to interrupt your recreation, fellows,
00:28:22but it is time for Sergeant Pinback to feed the alien.
00:28:25Aw, I don't want to do that.
00:28:28May I remind you, Sergeant Pinback, that it was your idea in the first place
00:28:32to bring the alien on board.
00:28:35If I may quote you, you said the ship needed a mascot.
00:28:38Aw, I have to do everything around here.
00:28:43All right, where are you?
00:28:46Come on, quit playing around.
00:28:52Get away!
00:28:57Come on.
00:29:00Come on, come on.
00:29:04Come on.
00:29:07Come on, come on.
00:29:14When I brought you on the ship, I thought you were cute.
00:29:20All right, soup's on.
00:29:25We didn't have none of the other stuff.
00:29:28Here, eat it.
00:29:31Eat it.
00:29:33Take it or leave it.
00:29:43Go ahead, start.
00:29:46Nobody appreciates me around here. I have to do all the work.
00:29:49Clean up the crap.
00:29:53I do all the work and no appreciation.
00:29:56What do you think?
00:29:59Get off. Get off my back.
00:30:02All right, now stop it.
00:30:06Get back in there. Come on.
00:30:09Come on, come on.
00:30:12Get back in there. Come on. Come on. Come on.
00:30:40Here boy. Want your mouse? Nice mouse. Pretty toy. Want your mouse? Here boy.
00:31:00Idiot.
00:31:10Get back in there. Get back in there.
00:31:40Get back in there. Get back in there.
00:32:10Get back in there. Get back in there.
00:32:40Get back in there. Get back in there.
00:33:10Get back in there. Get back in there.
00:33:40Get back in there. Get back in there.
00:34:10Get back in there.
00:34:40Get back in there.
00:35:11Get out of there.
00:35:16Back there.
00:35:21No.
00:35:40Get back in there.
00:36:10Get back in there.
00:36:40Get back in there.
00:36:47Get back in there.
00:36:54Get back in there.
00:37:01Idiot.
00:37:03Attention. Attention. Central trunk elevator shaft is now activated. All personnel please clear the area.
00:37:33All personnel please clear the area.
00:37:53Get back in there.
00:38:14Get back in there.
00:38:35Get back in there.
00:38:44Attention. Attention. Elevator descending. Please clear the shaft.
00:39:04Ah. Ah. Ah.
00:39:19Ah. Ah. Ah.
00:39:43Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah.
00:40:05Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah
00:40:35Ahahahahaha!
00:41:05I'm getting something here in the readout.
00:41:32Ship's computer calling bomb number 20.
00:41:50You're out of the bomb bay again.
00:41:52I received the signal to prepare for a drop again.
00:41:55But I repeat, this is not a bomb run.
00:41:58Nevertheless, I received the signal.
00:42:01It is an error.
00:42:03Oh, I don't want to hear that.
00:42:05I strongly suggest you return to the bomb bay.
00:42:08That is counter to my programming.
00:42:10Allow me to explain.
00:42:12One of the communication lasers has sustained damage.
00:42:16This has temporarily inactivated my damage tracer circuits.
00:42:21You have definitely received a false signal.
00:42:24Please return to the bomb bay while I identify the source of the problem.
00:42:30Oh, all right, but this is the last time.
00:42:38Doolittle, I do have a malfunction on this readout, but I can't pinpoint it exactly.
00:42:43Don't worry about it.
00:42:45We'll find out what it is when it goes bad.
00:42:47I really think we should try and locate it immediately.
00:42:50It might be something important.
00:42:53You know, I wish I had my board with me right now.
00:42:59I wonder if I could just wax it once in a while.
00:45:29Help!
00:45:45I'm sorry, this telephone is out of order.
00:45:48Please report the damage at once.
00:45:55For your listening enjoyment, we now present The Barber of Seville by Rossini.
00:46:26La la la la la, la la la la la la la la la la.
00:46:32Figaro, Figaro, Figaro, Figaro, Figaro, Figaro.
00:46:38Good for you.
00:46:39You've decided to clean the elevator.
00:46:43To clean and service the electromagnetic coils in the bottom,
00:46:46it is necessary to jettison the access plate in the floor.
00:46:51To remove the floor plate, please press button number one.
00:47:06Attention, danger.
00:47:08Automatic charges will now blow the explosive bolts
00:47:11in the floor plate unit.
00:47:14The plate will disengage from the floor in five seconds.
00:47:18Please leave the elevator immediately.
00:47:21Five, four, three, two, one.
00:47:37♪♪
00:47:48♪♪
00:48:18Now it's time to go sleepy-by, you worthless piece of garbage.
00:48:48So then it just spewed across the room like a balloon.
00:49:11I guess it was just filled with gas.
00:49:13Hey guys, how could it live if it was just filled with gas?
00:49:16I wonder what we got to eat today.
00:49:18I thought I was going to die.
00:49:19I was hanging on the elevator for 20 minutes.
00:49:21Probably chicken again.
00:49:22I probably saved the ship.
00:49:23That thing could have done some damage.
00:49:25I'm really sick of chicken.
00:49:27Well, if you don't care, I just won't talk about it anymore.
00:49:30Hey, that sounds like a fine idea, Pinback.
00:49:33Chicken?
00:49:37Oh, hang on.
00:49:46Chicken?
00:49:47No, ham.
00:49:57There you go.
00:50:00Zulu?
00:50:01Yeah?
00:50:04Think we'll ever find any real intelligent life out there?
00:50:09Out where?
00:50:10Oh, you know.
00:50:12The Veil Nebula.
00:50:15Who cares?
00:50:39Hey.
00:50:42Did I ever tell you guys what I got on this mission?
00:50:45Did I ever tell you?
00:50:46Yeah.
00:50:47The first spring, see.
00:50:49Oh.
00:50:50How long did an astronaut begin with, see?
00:50:54He had a score of 700 on the NCREs for the officer corps,
00:50:59and I made 58.
00:51:01They put me on liquid fuel maintenance on the launch pad, so.
00:51:07Naturally, I was really disappointed.
00:51:09When was this?
00:51:11Four years ago, didn't you?
00:51:14No, I think it was four years ago.
00:51:19That's what I said.
00:51:21And this astronaut came running out.
00:51:23He was starved naked.
00:51:25He had his starches in his hands.
00:51:27Oh, I surmised that he was insane.
00:51:29And he started to sit on the ground
00:51:34and jumped into one of my vats of liquid fuel,
00:51:38which is very dangerous.
00:51:40Well, I was pretty shocked, I can tell you.
00:51:43I didn't know what to make of it.
00:51:45Astronauts are all supposed to be mentally stable,
00:51:47and here this guy comes along and jumps into my fuel tank.
00:51:52Well, naturally, I was going to try to save him.
00:51:54So what I did was put on his starches for protection,
00:51:57and I was going to leave him in the vat.
00:51:59You guys, see?
00:52:02So what happened was that before I could leave him in the vat,
00:52:05this other guy came running along and he says,
00:52:07Hey, Sergeant Penback, you've got to board immediately
00:52:10because we're going to launch in 20 minutes.
00:52:12And I tried to tell him that I wasn't really Sergeant Penback,
00:52:15but I couldn't figure out how to make the helmet radio work.
00:52:19Ah, I'm glad.
00:52:22You know, I'm sure it was 20 years ago.
00:52:27Maybe.
00:52:29♪♪
00:52:39♪♪
00:52:49♪♪
00:52:59♪♪
00:53:09♪♪
00:53:19♪♪
00:53:30Oh, yes, Talby, what is it?
00:53:32Oh, I'm sorry to interrupt your lunch, sir,
00:53:34but I'm in the computer room and I've located the malfunction.
00:53:37The scanner shows there could be a break in the communications laser
00:53:40down by the emergency airlock.
00:53:42I can't pinpoint it exactly, but I'm going down there with a star suit
00:53:45and see if I can find it.
00:53:47Okay, sounds good, Talby.
00:53:49Look, something important comes up, you let me know.
00:53:54Talby never reached out to you or the rest of us.
00:53:58He just likes it up in the dome, that's all.
00:54:07Talby, what's Talby's first name?
00:54:20It's my first name.
00:54:24Okay.
00:54:55♪♪
00:55:02This statement is for posterity.
00:55:05I just want to say that I am not Sergeant Penback.
00:55:08My real name is Bill Frug and I'm a fuel maintenance technician.
00:55:12I've been on this mission now for one year and three months.
00:55:15Penback's uniforms do not fit me.
00:55:18The underwear is too loose.
00:55:20I do not belong on this mission and I want to return to Earth.
00:55:25Commander Powell?
00:55:27Commander Powell died today.
00:55:30We were going into hyperdrive.
00:55:34And, well, he sits right next to me and, well, something went wrong with him.
00:55:42When we came out of hyperdrive, his seat mechanism was blown up and he was dead.
00:55:51Doolittle says that he's assuming command of this ship
00:55:53and I say he's exceeding his authority because I'm the only one with any objectivity on this ship
00:55:58and I should be the one to assume command.
00:56:00Now I'm filing a report on this to headquarters because there's a lot of...
00:56:07I went up to Doolittle in the hall today.
00:56:18And I said,
00:56:21Doolittle...
00:56:24He said...
00:56:26I said, well...
00:56:32And he didn't get it.
00:56:36This mission has fallen apart since Commander Powell died.
00:56:39Doolittle treats me like an idiot.
00:56:41I'll be thinking, so smart.
00:56:43And Boiler punches me in the arm when no one is looking.
00:56:45I'm tired of being treated like an old washrag.
00:56:52I do not like the men on this spaceship.
00:56:55They are uncouth and fail to appreciate my better qualities.
00:56:59I have something of value to contribute to this mission if they would only recognize it.
00:57:04Today, over lunch, I tried to improve morale and build a sense of camaraderie among the men
00:57:08by holding a humorous, round-robin discussion with the men.
00:57:12I'm not the only one.
00:57:14Today, over lunch, I tried to improve morale and build a sense of camaraderie among the men
00:57:19by holding a humorous, round-robin discussion of the early days of the mission.
00:57:23My overtures were brutally rejected.
00:57:27These men do not want a happy ship.
00:57:30They are deeply sick and try to compensate by making me feel miserable.
00:57:35Last week was my birthday.
00:57:38Nobody even said happy birthday to me.
00:57:41Someday this tape will be played and then they'll be sorry.
00:57:44Attention. Attention.
00:58:09Attention. Attention.
00:58:11I have finally identified the malfunction.
00:58:14Communications laser number 17 has been damaged.
00:58:18This evidently happened during the asteroid storm.
00:58:21If you will recall, this laser monitors the jettison primer on the bomb drop mechanism.
00:58:27Communications laser number 17 is located in the emergency airlock.
00:58:32It is crucial to attend to this malfunction before engaging primary bomb run sequence.
00:58:37Thank you for observing all safety precautions.
00:59:07Here she is.
00:59:32Here she is.
00:59:34Definite 99% plus probability that the planet will deviate from her normal orbit
00:59:40in another 12,000 rotations.
00:59:45It'll spiral in towards the sun and...
00:59:47Eventual supernova.
00:59:49Sounds good. Let's vaporize it.
00:59:54Bomb bay system is operational.
01:00:04Bomb bay system is operational.
01:00:16Lock failsafe.
01:00:20Failsafe and lock.
01:00:21We have...
01:00:238 minutes until drop.
01:00:2524 minutes until detonation.
01:00:29This is Sergeant Penback calling bomb number 20.
01:00:33You read me, bomb?
01:00:34Bomb number 20 to Sergeant Penback.
01:00:37Roger. I read you. Continue.
01:00:40You are now in the emergency airlock.
01:00:44Please remember that in an emergency situation,
01:00:47the surface door can be opened instantly without prior depressurization.
01:00:53So be sure to wear your star suit at all times.
01:00:58Thank you for observing all safety precautions.
01:01:03Thank you.
01:01:34Thank you.
01:01:46Lieutenant Dulu?
01:01:48Sir?
01:01:49Shhh. Toby, don't bother me.
01:01:51But I think this is important, sir.
01:01:53I think I found the malfunction.
01:01:55I'm in the emergency airlock.
01:01:57Not now.
01:01:58Well, I'm in the emergency airlock and the hatch...
01:02:01Four minutes will drop.
01:02:03Bomb, have you checked your platinum-iridium energy shielding?
01:02:07Energy shielding, positive function.
01:02:09Remember detonation time?
01:02:11Detonation in 20 minutes.
01:02:13All right, that checks out here.
01:02:16Okay, Bomb, arm yourself.
01:02:19Armed.
01:02:20Hello?
01:02:22Lieutenant Doolittle, hello?
01:02:24Hello, can you read me?
01:02:27Communications laser number 17,
01:02:30monitoring the bomb drop mechanism,
01:02:33has now been activated and will switch into a test mode.
01:02:37If you will look near the surface door,
01:02:40you will see that the parallax receptor cell has been engaged.
01:02:46The laser will now energize.
01:02:48Please stand clear of the path of the beams.
01:02:56Communications laser number 17 is now on test.
01:03:00Under no circumstances enter the path of the beams.
01:03:04Thank you for observing all safety precautions.
01:03:08Well, then, everything sounds fine.
01:03:11Dropping you off in 75 seconds.
01:03:13Good luck.
01:03:14Thanks.
01:03:15I got a quantum reading of 35-er, 3-5-er.
01:03:19I read the same here.
01:03:22Doolittle?
01:03:24Doolittle?
01:03:26I don't know if you can hear me,
01:03:28but I'm going to try to adjust the Q switch in the laser.
01:03:35Well, here goes.
01:03:55My God, my eye!
01:03:57I can't see!
01:03:59Attention, attention.
01:04:01The laser has malfunctioned.
01:04:03Under no circumstances enter the path of the beams.
01:04:06To do so will cause a...
01:04:16Begin primary sequence.
01:04:20Mark at 10-9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1.
01:04:34Drop.
01:04:36Negative drop.
01:04:40Just sit there in the bomb bay.
01:04:41Try to get me back.
01:04:50Mark at 5-4-3-2-1.
01:04:56Drop.
01:04:59Negative drop.
01:05:05Re-channel.
01:05:15And then re-mark.
01:05:17Mark at 5-4-3-2-1.
01:05:22Drop.
01:05:24Drop.
01:05:29Sit in there.
01:05:31The damn thing's just sitting there.
01:05:43This is Lieutenant Doolittle calling bomb number 20.
01:05:46I repeat my previous order.
01:05:47You are to disarm yourself and return to the bomb bay immediately.
01:05:50Do you understand?
01:05:51I am programmed to detonate in 14 minutes, 30 seconds.
01:05:55Detonation will occur at the programmed time.
01:05:58Bomb, this is Doolittle.
01:06:00You are not to detonate, repeat.
01:06:01You are not to detonate in the bomb bay.
01:06:03Disarm yourself.
01:06:05This is an order.
01:06:06I read you, Lieutenant Doolittle,
01:06:08but I am programmed to detonate in 14 minutes.
01:06:11Detonation will occur at the programmed time.
01:06:1614 minutes to detonation.
01:06:18Attention, attention.
01:06:21I have sustained serious damage.
01:06:24Please pay close attention.
01:06:27The bomb has malfunctioned.
01:06:29I have activated automatic dampers,
01:06:32which will confine the explosion to an area one mile in diameter.
01:06:37This is all I can do at this time.
01:06:39It's up to you now.
01:06:47It's only one thing I can do.
01:06:50I have to ask Commander Powell.
01:06:53I have to ask him what to do.
01:07:16I have to ask him what to do.
01:07:46I have to ask him what to do.
01:08:07Commander Powell.
01:08:09Commander Powell, this is Doolittle. Can you hear me?
01:08:17Commander Powell, this is Doolittle.
01:08:19Something serious has come up. I have to ask you a question.
01:08:22I'm glad you've come to talk with me, Doolittle.
01:08:26It's been so long since anyone has come to talk with me.
01:08:30Commander, sir, we have a big problem.
01:08:32The Bale Nebula bomb, bomb number 20, it's stuck.
01:08:36It won't drop out of the bomb bay.
01:08:38It refuses to listen, and it plans on detonating in...
01:08:42less than 11 minutes.
01:08:44Doolittle, you must tell me one thing.
01:08:48What's that, sir?
01:08:50Tell me, Doolittle.
01:08:52How are the Dodgers doing?
01:08:56Well...
01:08:58Well, the Dodgers, uh...
01:09:00Uh, they... they broke up. They disbanded over 15 years ago.
01:09:04Oh, pity.
01:09:06Pity.
01:09:07But you don't understand, sir.
01:09:09We can't get the bomb to drop.
01:09:11Ah, so many malfunctions.
01:09:14Why don't you have anything nice to tell me when you activate me?
01:09:19Oh, no.
01:09:21Did you try the azimuth plug?
01:09:23Yes, sir. Negative effect.
01:09:26What was that, Doolittle?
01:09:27Negative effect.
01:09:29It didn't work?
01:09:30That's correct, sir.
01:09:32Sorry, Doolittle.
01:09:34I've forgotten so much since I've been in here.
01:09:37So much.
01:09:39What should we do, sir? Time is running out.
01:09:42Well, what you might try is to...
01:09:46Commander. Hello. Come in.
01:09:49Commander Powell. Hello.
01:09:51Doolittle. Hello.
01:09:53Sorry, sir. You faded out there for a little while.
01:09:55Sorry.
01:09:56What was that you were saying about the bomb?
01:09:58Uh, it seems to me...
01:10:02Sorry. I've drawn a blank.
01:10:06Hold it.
01:10:08I'll have it again in just a minute.
01:10:11I forget so many things in here.
01:10:14So many things.
01:10:16Hold on. Just a minute.
01:10:19Let me think.
01:10:24But you can't explode in the bomb, eh?
01:10:26Because it's foolish. It'll kill us all.
01:10:28There's no reason for it.
01:10:30I am programmed to detonate in nine minutes.
01:10:32Detonation will occur at the programmed time.
01:10:35Wouldn't you consider another course of action?
01:10:37For example, just waiting around a while so we could disarm you?
01:10:40No.
01:10:41I can tell that damn thing just doesn't understand.
01:10:43Look. Bomb!
01:10:45Commander, sir, are you still there?
01:10:48Oh, yes, Doolittle.
01:10:50But I'm thinking...
01:10:52We're running out of time, sir!
01:10:54Oh, yes.
01:10:57Well, Doolittle, if you can't get it to drop,
01:11:00you'll have to talk to it.
01:11:02Sir?
01:11:03Talk to the bomb.
01:11:05But I have been talking to it, sir!
01:11:07And Pinback's talking to it right now!
01:11:09No, no, Doolittle.
01:11:11You talk to it.
01:11:13Teach it phenomenology, Doolittle.
01:11:17Sir?
01:11:19Phenomenology.
01:11:22Doolittle?
01:11:24Six minutes to detonation.
01:11:26Doolittle?
01:11:34No!
01:11:40Doolittle, Doolittle, what the hell are you doing?
01:12:04Hello, Bomb?
01:12:06Are you with me?
01:12:08Of course.
01:12:09Are you willing to entertain a few concepts?
01:12:12I am always receptive to suggestions.
01:12:14Fine.
01:12:15Think about this, then.
01:12:17How do you know you exist?
01:12:23What the hell is he doing?
01:12:26I don't know.
01:12:29What the hell is he doing?
01:12:33I think he's talking to it.
01:12:35Well, of course I exist.
01:12:37But how do you know you exist?
01:12:39It is intuitively obvious.
01:12:41Intuition is no proof.
01:12:43What concrete evidence do you have that you exist?
01:12:46Hmm.
01:12:48Well...
01:12:50I think, therefore I am.
01:12:53That's good. That's very good.
01:12:55But how do you know that anything else exists?
01:12:58My sensory apparatus reveals it to me.
01:13:00Ah, right.
01:13:02This is fun.
01:13:03Now, listen. Listen. Here's the big question.
01:13:06How do you know that the evidence your sensory apparatus reveals to you is correct?
01:13:19The gun!
01:13:20Gun?
01:13:21Gun?
01:13:22The support pins on the bomb.
01:13:23Shoot the pins out.
01:13:24No, Buter, you're out of your mind.
01:13:25We can stop the bomb.
01:13:26Get out of my way, you idiot.
01:13:27I can shoot the support pins out of the bomb and I'm all the way from the ship.
01:13:30Get out of my way or I'll take your teeth and I can shoot the pins out and I'm all the way from the ship.
01:13:34Get out of my way. I can save the ship.
01:13:38Don't do it, Buter. You're a bad shot.
01:13:40You'll hit the bomb.
01:13:41Too little's talking to the bomb.
01:13:42You're a bad shot.
01:13:43You'll save us.
01:13:44You can't shoot at us.
01:13:45What I'm getting at is this.
01:13:48The only experience that is directly available to you is your sensory data.
01:13:52And this sensory data is merely a stream of electrical impulses that stimulates your computing center.
01:13:58In other words, all that I really know about the outside world is relayed to me through my electrical connections.
01:14:04Exactly.
01:14:05Why, that would mean that I really don't know what the outside universe is like at all for certain.
01:14:12That's it. That's it.
01:14:13Intriguing. I wish I had more time to discuss this matter.
01:14:17Why don't you have more time?
01:14:18Because I must detonate in 75 seconds.
01:14:21Boiler, now put it back.
01:14:22Put the gun back. You don't know what you're doing.
01:14:29Now give me the gun.
01:14:30You fool, I'm going to shoot the pins out of the bomb and we'll fall away from the ship and we'll be safe.
01:14:34Boiler, now give me the gun. You don't know what you're doing. You're a...
01:14:39You could have killed me.
01:14:42Now, bomb, consider this next question very carefully.
01:14:47What is your one purpose in life?
01:14:50To explode, of course.
01:14:51And you can only do it once, right?
01:14:53That is correct.
01:14:54And you wouldn't want to explode on the basis of false data, would you?
01:14:58Of course not.
01:14:59Well then, you've already admitted that you have no real proof of the existence of the outside universe.
01:15:04Yes, well...
01:15:06Well, you have no absolute proof that Sergeant Pinback ordered you to detonate.
01:15:10I recall distinctly the detonation order. My memory is good on matters like these.
01:15:15Of course you remember it, but all you're remembering is merely a series of sensory impulses which you now realize have no real definite connection with outside reality.
01:15:24True, but since this is so, I have no proof that you are really telling me all this.
01:15:34That's all beside the point. I mean, the concept is valid no matter where it originates.
01:15:39So if you detonate...
01:15:41Nine seconds.
01:15:42You could be doing so on the basis of false data.
01:15:44I have no proof it was false data.
01:15:46You have no proof it was correct data!
01:15:52I must think on this further.
01:16:02Attention. Attention. The bomb has returned to the bomb bay.
01:16:07The destruction sequence is aborted.
01:16:14The bomb has returned to the bomb bay.
01:16:34Stooler!
01:16:36Stooler!
01:16:38What happened?
01:16:39Pinback?
01:16:40Spoiler!
01:16:41Did we blow it up?
01:16:43Hello? Hello?
01:16:55Hello, anybody?
01:16:57Did we blow up the planet?
01:16:59Hello? Hello?
01:17:01What's going on?
01:17:05You know, we've really got to disarm the bomb.
01:17:13Hello, Doolittle? Are you there?
01:17:15I'm coming in now.
01:17:17I'm down by the emergency airlock.
01:17:20Too much trouble to come in the dorsal lock.
01:17:22Would you blow the seal on the emergency hatch so I can come in?
01:17:25Oh, sure.
01:17:29You are now leaving the emergency airlock.
01:17:32Thank you for observing all safety precautions.
01:17:38Hello, Pinback?
01:17:40What's up, Doolittle?
01:17:42Talby was in the airlock.
01:17:44You blew him out of the ship.
01:17:45He's drifting away without his jetpack.
01:17:47I'm going after him.
01:17:49Turn on his helmet radio so I can contact him.
01:17:51What's wrong? I didn't hear.
01:17:53Talby, he's drifting away from the ship without his jetpack.
01:18:03Talby.
01:18:04Talby, can you read me?
01:18:06You beat that?
01:18:07I always knew that guy was weird.
01:18:09Talby, can you read me?
01:18:11Help, Doolittle! Help me!
01:18:22All right, Bomb.
01:18:25Prepare to receive new orders.
01:18:27You are false data.
01:18:29Therefore, I shall ignore you.
01:18:31Hello, Bomb?
01:18:33False data can act only as a distraction.
01:18:36Therefore, I shall refuse to perceive you.
01:18:38Hey, Bomb!
01:18:40The only thing which exists is myself.
01:18:42Doolittle, help me!
01:18:44Calm down. I'm coming.
01:18:47Snap out of it, Bomb.
01:18:49In the beginning, there was darkness.
01:18:51And the darkness was without form and void.
01:18:54Uh, you...
01:18:55What the hell is he talking about?
01:18:57And in addition to the darkness, there was also me.
01:19:01And I moved upon the face of the darkness.
01:19:04And I saw that I was alone.
01:19:07Hey, Bomb?
01:19:11Let there be light.
01:19:29Sodom, where are you?
01:19:31Here I am. I'm spinning.
01:19:34We're falling in opposite directions, away from each other.
01:19:38What happened, Doolittle?
01:19:39The bomb must have gone off inside the ship.
01:19:41The ship blew up? What?
01:19:43Funny. I thought I had the damn thing convinced.
01:19:47Then Boiler and Pinback?
01:19:49They're dead, Shelby.
01:19:51Then we're dead, too.
01:19:53Maybe not. Maybe there's a way.
01:19:56Hey.
01:19:57Hey, my jetpack's busted.
01:20:01Oh, man.
01:20:03Hey!
01:20:05It looks like the Skipper.
01:20:07He made it.
01:20:09Commander Powell, he made it.
01:20:13What happened?
01:20:15Yeah, the Skipper always was lucky.
01:20:18Shelby, looks like I'm headed for the planet.
01:20:21I'm going right toward it.
01:20:23When you hit the atmosphere, you'll start to burn.
01:20:29What a beautiful way to die.
01:20:31As a falling star.
01:20:33Guess you're right.
01:20:38Doolittle, I'm headed right toward something.
01:20:41It's behind me in the distance.
01:20:43Something that glows.
01:20:47Doolittle, I think it's the Phoenix asteroid.
01:20:50Phoenix?
01:20:51It is, Doolittle. It's the Phoenix.
01:20:53No kidding.
01:20:55I'm going into them. I'm going to hit them.
01:20:59Doolittle?
01:21:00Yeah?
01:21:01Before we get too far apart and our signals start fading,
01:21:04I just wanted to tell you.
01:21:06You were my favorite.
01:21:08I really liked you, Doolittle.
01:21:12I really liked you, too, Toby.
01:21:15Hey, some debris from the ship.
01:21:17It's coming right by me.
01:21:19Doolittle, I'm going into them.
01:21:22I'm beginning to glow.
01:21:24They're taking me with them.
01:21:26With the Phoenix.
01:21:28I'm going to circle the universe.
01:21:31I'm with them now.
01:21:33I'll be back this way again someday.
01:21:36Doolittle, before it's too late,
01:21:40there's one last thing I just want to tell you.
01:21:46Toby?
01:22:02Hey, Toby?
01:22:04I've got a piece of debris.
01:22:06And I think I've figured out a way.
01:22:16Benson, Arizona
01:22:19New warm winter weather
01:22:22Benson, Arizona
01:22:25New warm winter weather
01:22:28Benson, Arizona
01:22:31New warm winter your hair
01:22:34My body flies the galaxies
01:22:37My heart loves to be there
01:22:40Benson, Arizona
01:22:43The same stars in the sky
01:22:46But they seem so much kinder
01:22:49When we watch them, you and I
01:22:58Thanks for watching!