Finding Love Again-SD
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:00Beautiful! Beautiful! Unbelievable!
00:00:05Come on!
00:00:07Is that the alternator?
00:00:08Okay, where is this place?
00:00:11It's busy.
00:00:12Where is she? Where are you?
00:00:14Oh, come on.
00:00:15I know it's going to be here. I know.
00:00:18Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on!
00:00:20Oh my God, I put money into you all the time.
00:00:22It's not the distributor.
00:00:23You're late.
00:00:25Seventeenth time.
00:00:27You said five minutes. That was twenty minutes ago.
00:00:29Come on!
00:00:31I wrote it on the table, put it in my purse.
00:00:34Unbooked sorority girls from Fresno. I love it.
00:00:36This is exactly what I needed.
00:00:38If that is just about perfect bank, I'm sick of this.
00:00:41It's an old damn car. Let me wait again.
00:00:44Wait a minute.
00:00:46Get caught waiting, dude. Come on!
00:00:49You do this to me all the time.
00:00:51She does this to me all the time.
00:00:53I hate you.
00:00:54Walked out the door, got in my car, and it's...
00:00:58Oh, I forgot those goddamn papers. Fuck.
00:01:02I always forget something. Goddamn it.
00:01:58I met this woman once.
00:02:27And her sight was failing.
00:02:31Not in her eyes, but it was in her mind.
00:02:35You know, for some people, the eyes fail, the light's dim.
00:02:39They go blind.
00:02:42For her, her spirit was failing.
00:02:44Her world going dim, her heart going blind.
00:02:49And as it progressed, I'd see her.
00:02:52She saw the darkness beginning to encroach.
00:02:54She'd talk about it, where it was.
00:02:57There, she'd say, the darkness has taken over my lover,
00:03:01who no longer wants me.
00:03:04And here, the darkness is covering my heart
00:03:08with the sadness of this separation.
00:03:12And it grew around her,
00:03:15covering larger and larger areas of her life
00:03:17until it covered almost her whole field of view.
00:03:22And finally, she, her whole existence,
00:03:26her whole existence was in this deep black darkness.
00:03:33And she came to me, and she came to me that day,
00:03:36and she said to me, George,
00:03:38the whole world is as black as my bitter heart,
00:03:42all except for one last speck, one last spot.
00:03:47And in that one last spot, George,
00:03:49I see a dim glimmer of light.
00:03:53It's the only light I see.
00:03:56And it took all this darkness
00:03:58and all this blackness for me to see this light.
00:04:03But then she moved towards it and into it,
00:04:11and she became blanketed by light.
00:04:15And then she wore it like a queen's robe.
00:04:18She wore this light, and she threw it around you,
00:04:21covering you in her robe of light.
00:04:24And it was a good thing, her darkness, in the end.
00:04:29In darkness, she said to me, compassion is born.
00:04:34What?
00:04:35Oh, sorry, I wasn't talking to you.
00:04:36I was just talking to me.
00:04:38I just have a word problem.
00:04:39I just got all these thoughts.
00:04:40They just keep coming at me.
00:04:42I just can't stop them.
00:04:43I can't stem the flow.
00:04:44It's like a river, like a river without a dam.
00:04:46I just say what's on my mind, that's all.
00:04:48Just say what's on your mind.
00:04:50That's what they told me.
00:04:51Speak up, I can't hear you.
00:04:56Oh, I'll say what's on my mind.
00:04:59But some people, they got thoughts
00:05:02that's just all locked up in there.
00:05:05They can't let them out.
00:05:06Afraid they're going to bite you.
00:05:12Yeah, but you've got thoughts
00:05:13you don't even want to think about,
00:05:14much less talk about.
00:05:16Like that time you hurt somebody
00:05:18and you wanted to.
00:05:21You hurt him real bad
00:05:22and it felt good at the time, didn't it?
00:05:24It felt real good,
00:05:25but maybe now it don't feel so good no more, huh?
00:05:28I hurt somebody.
00:05:31I hurt him real bad.
00:05:35That's me.
00:05:37People tell you somebody hurt them
00:05:39and they went crazy?
00:05:41No, I'm telling you,
00:05:43you hurt somebody
00:05:46and you go just as crazy.
00:05:56You can't be too cautious.
00:05:59That's why he wears them gloves all the time.
00:06:03Little germs and diseases on everything.
00:06:07I got some on my shoe right now.
00:06:11Crawling around, mutating, cohabitating, breeding
00:06:16so they can crawl onto other places and infest.
00:06:20Some of those diseases, they're bad.
00:06:22Yeah, they get on your skin.
00:06:25They make your skin fall right off.
00:06:30But some of them,
00:06:31some of them get in your brain.
00:06:33Oh, those are the kind that gloves won't help.
00:06:35No.
00:06:37Condoms won't help either.
00:06:39No.
00:06:40Those brain diseases,
00:06:42those word diseases,
00:06:44they get stuck on stuff too,
00:06:47but not on your shoes or toilet seats or nothing like that.
00:06:51No, they get stuck to your words first.
00:06:55Or maybe they get stuck to the words you hear first
00:06:59and then they make their way back inside your mind
00:07:02and then they go straight down into your soul
00:07:05and make your soul sick and diseased, rotten.
00:07:10And they're powerful.
00:07:11As powerful as any disease known to mankind,
00:07:13maybe more powerful
00:07:15because these word diseases, these brain diseases,
00:07:18they're more contagious than the strongest virus.
00:07:21And you don't need to breathe the air.
00:07:23Somebody else is breathing to catch them either.
00:07:26No, you only need to listen to what they say.
00:07:31And they can kill millions.
00:07:34They can infest millions at a time.
00:07:43I got one!
00:07:45I got one! I must have one.
00:07:48I must have one.
00:07:52I must have one.
00:08:04I must have one.
00:08:17I must have one.
00:08:34It's been promised to me.
00:08:36The original message is a true message.
00:08:38It's a technical message.
00:08:39It's a positive message.
00:08:40I'm never alone.
00:08:41I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:08:42I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:08:43I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:08:44I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:08:45I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:08:46I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:08:47I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:08:48I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:08:49I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:08:50I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:08:51I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:08:52I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:08:53I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:08:55I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:08:56I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:08:57I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:08:58I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:08:59I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:00I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:01I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:02I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:03I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:04I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:05I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:06I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:07I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:08I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:09I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:10I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:11I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:12I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:13I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:14I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:15I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:16I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:17I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:18I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:19I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:20I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:21I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:22I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:23I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:24I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:25I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:26I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:27I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:28I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:29I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:30I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:31I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:32I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:33I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:34I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:35I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:36I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:37I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:38I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:39I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:40I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:41I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:42I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:43I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:44I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:45I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:46I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:10:12My fear of failure.
00:10:13Logic dictates that I'm a failure, a complete loser.
00:10:18How do I not feel like I've failed?
00:10:20I've had so many more failures in my life
00:10:22than I've had successes.
00:10:23Big failures, too.
00:10:26The things that I've tried the hardest at
00:10:27seem to be the things that fail the worst.
00:10:31And the failures just seem to keep on mounting,
00:10:33more and more of them every day.
00:10:35Maybe I am a failure.
00:10:38Failed person, bad human, worthless specimen.
00:10:42Yeah, I think the real thing is,
00:10:46it's not the failure, it's not the fear.
00:10:51It's just me making an excuse for self-pity.
00:11:11♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
00:11:17♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
00:11:27Hey!
00:11:28What are you doing over there?
00:11:30Steating a bagel.
00:11:32And how are you this fine morning, ma'am?
00:11:34Well, go eat your bagel someplace else.
00:11:37And stay out of our garbage!
00:11:40I'm just trying to get something to eat.
00:11:43Go dig around in your own garbage.
00:11:45This garbage is ours!
00:12:10I wonder why that woman left me a bagel.
00:12:38She did leave me a bagel, didn't she?
00:12:41Does she like me?
00:12:43Could anybody ever love me again?
00:12:47Oh boy, that's the thought that just really terrifies me.
00:12:50The thought of being unloved.
00:12:52The thought of being uncared for.
00:12:55It's like I'm just a spirit here on this planet, trapped in this body.
00:13:00And I know how to do things, like make money and dress nicely.
00:13:05Be charming.
00:13:08And I know these things would draw other people to me.
00:13:11And they might even love me again.
00:13:13But somewhere in some rancid part of myself, I wonder if they love the true me, or just the appearance of me.
00:13:20My money, my clothes, my charm, my jokes.
00:13:31So I stripped it all away, I guess.
00:13:34Hoping that somebody would see the true me and love it.
00:13:42So I guess that's why I talk so much.
00:13:44And maybe that's why some people let themselves get out of shape, or keep themselves unkempt, or smell bad.
00:13:52Just their soul crying out for recognition.
00:13:55They want people to see the true self on the inside.
00:13:59That's why really rich or beautiful, famous people, they have so much problems in their lives.
00:14:06Because they attract people that nurture their surface structure, and not their soul.
00:14:11Because the soul is a very difficult thing to express.
00:14:14It's scary too.
00:14:16It's scary because it might be rejected.
00:14:18It's difficult because even I don't know what my soul is.
00:14:21I mean, it's always in motion.
00:14:23It's moving this way and that way.
00:14:27This way and that way.
00:14:30This way and that way, and this way and that way.
00:14:44I used to be in a very different place.
00:14:46Are you tired of your old car? Of course you are.
00:14:49Now would you rather have a new car or an old car?
00:14:52Of course you'd rather have a new car.
00:14:54What if I was to tell you that you could have a brand new Masuda Scouter
00:14:59for the same payments as a two year old Trail Boss?
00:15:03You'd take the new car, right?
00:15:05That's what I did.
00:15:06Bought one for my family. We love it.
00:15:08It is a beautiful car. You're going to love this car.
00:15:54I love it.
00:16:24What is love?
00:16:42What is love? What is love?
00:16:44What is love?
00:16:48Hey! What is love?
00:16:51I don't know what love is.
00:16:53But I know where it is.
00:16:55It's right here, in my heart.
00:16:58In my heart!
00:17:08I wonder where the first time love came from, anyway.
00:17:11You know, the first time something or somebody actually felt love,
00:17:17it was probably two great apes.
00:17:20Two great apes who were just fucking wildly in the jungle,
00:17:23just fucking their brains out.
00:17:25And suddenly this feeling, like a fiery waterfall, comes rushing over them.
00:17:29And they get this look, and one of them looks into the other one's eyes.
00:17:35And the other one looks back.
00:17:38And they slow down for a minute,
00:17:40because they realize they don't have to do this just to procreate anymore.
00:17:44And they get this feeling. They start feeling something.
00:17:47Something coming from the generation of life itself is overwhelming them.
00:17:53And they take this raw material into themselves,
00:17:57and they start making something.
00:18:01They start making love.
00:18:04Yeah. That's where love first came from.
00:18:08And it's probably where language first came from as well.
00:18:12Because one of those big apes, probably the woman,
00:18:16looked into the other one's eyes,
00:18:19and uttered the first word,
00:18:21Luke.
00:18:24Which meant, I love you.
00:18:41To let myself love again?
00:18:43Jesus! I don't know.
00:18:46I'm afraid I might get hurt again by love.
00:18:49For good reason.
00:18:52If I let that fear win,
00:18:54God, if I let that fear win and sever the slim hope that I have
00:18:58for really deep, true, meaningful love,
00:19:01if I sever that cord and go the route of the tough guy,
00:19:04unaffected by his emotions,
00:19:06or the sad guy,
00:19:08destroyed by his emotions,
00:19:10either way,
00:19:12either way, I'll be cutting myself off from the purpose and the reason why I'm here.
00:19:18I don't know.
00:19:20I don't know if I can ever let go of the love that I had.
00:19:24I mean, I try, but it just keeps coming back.
00:19:27Which is good, I think.
00:19:30What the?
00:19:32What the?
00:19:48I mean, I just,
00:19:50I just hurt her so bad.
00:19:54Oh, but maybe,
00:19:57maybe I can let go of him.
00:20:00Just a little bit at a time.
00:20:04Just piece by piece.
00:20:09I mean,
00:20:11maybe for a moment.
00:20:13Just one moment.
00:20:16Let go of every last bit of it.
00:20:20Just so I can see how it's gonna be.
00:20:25It's so...
00:20:30It's so...
00:20:34It's so...
00:20:39It's so...
00:20:44It's so...
00:20:49It's so...
00:20:54It's so...
00:20:56It's so...
00:21:09Well, hello there, Mr. Dumpster.
00:21:12Oh, sorry, Ms. Dumpster.
00:21:15How could I have been so thoughtless?
00:21:17But I must say, you are looking ravishing today.
00:21:20Why, if I was a trash can, I'd love nothing more than to fill you up.
00:21:24But I hear you're not feeling so good today.
00:21:27I understand they got you with some graffiti.
00:21:29It's not very nice graffiti either, is it?
00:21:32You wish they could have done something a little more colorful, you know?
00:21:35I mean, there's just no account for taste these days.
00:21:38Hmm?
00:21:39Well, maybe they didn't have anything nicer to say.
00:21:42But I got something for you to help you brighten your day.
00:21:46There you go.
00:21:48It's from Mr. Dumpster down the street.
00:21:51Yeah, I think he's got a crush on you.
00:21:55Well, you have a good day.
00:21:58Huh?
00:21:59Oh, you're very welcome.
00:22:00And thank you for that pizza yesterday.
00:22:02It was fantastic.
00:22:04I must say, the bouquet of the tomato sauce was superb.
00:22:07The overall ambiance was wonderful.
00:22:10I'd give you four and a half stars.
00:22:13What?
00:22:15Oh, you got something for me in here?
00:22:18Let me take a look.
00:22:22Oh.
00:22:29Now, do you want to take a chance on buying a used car that might be a lemon?
00:22:33Of course you don't.
00:22:35Do you want to take a chance on buying a car that's got a bad reliability rating?
00:22:39No, no, no, no, no.
00:22:41Now, I guess you've heard some of the negative publicity about the, uh, Ashuda Scouters.
00:22:46It's just a bunch of hogwash that's been generated by our competitors.
00:22:50Now, I bought one of these cars, and they're great cars.
00:22:52And don't worry about the safety on these things.
00:22:55I can verify for it myself.
00:22:57I've driven these things all over the place, and they're great cars.
00:23:00I think you should consider buying one.
00:23:05Is she the one?
00:23:07The woman with the bagel?
00:23:11Yes!
00:23:13Yes!
00:23:16Thank you.
00:23:18Stay out there! Stay out there!
00:23:44You got something for me in here?
00:23:47I can feel it.
00:23:53What have we here?
00:23:58Ah, cool.
00:24:03What's...
00:24:05Oh, these are nice.
00:24:09My size.
00:24:12Thank you.
00:24:14Thank you.
00:24:18Ah.
00:24:27Thank you, Jambo.
00:24:29God of the dumpsters.
00:24:31The one who puts all good things in dumpsters.
00:24:33The God of garbage.
00:24:35The garbage God.
00:24:36The way.
00:24:37The truth.
00:24:38The light.
00:24:39The filth.
00:24:41Oh, we find your altars in every city.
00:24:44Churches in every alley.
00:24:47People sacrificing to you consistently,
00:24:49and you give back so profusely, so unselfishly.
00:24:53Thank you for these many gifts, my friendly God.
00:24:58You great smelly one.
00:25:01You are the one who provides for the homeless.
00:25:04You have truly saved my life.
00:25:08For without you, I would have died from a hunger and cold long ago.
00:25:14I bow down to you, Jambo.
00:25:16Thank you.
00:25:20Thank you.
00:25:45Oh.
00:25:47Hi, Mrs. Dorr.
00:25:48Uh, the flowers?
00:25:49No.
00:25:50No, uh, they're not for you.
00:25:51Uh, I was wondering if you could do me a favor.
00:25:56Okay, great, thanks.
00:26:00Thanks a lot.
00:26:14Thank you.
00:26:40No!
00:26:41No!
00:26:42No!
00:26:44Just do what I say!
00:26:47Just do what I say!
00:26:48Jesus.
00:26:52Hey, babe.
00:26:53Thanks for the flowers.
00:26:54That was really sweet.
00:26:55I didn't send you any flowers.
00:26:58Really?
00:27:00Who sent you these flowers?
00:27:02I don't know.
00:27:04Did you fuck somebody and they sent you flowers?
00:27:06What are you talking about?
00:27:08Well, usually if you fuck somebody, they send you flowers.
00:27:11Is that what you did?
00:27:12You fucked somebody and they sent you flowers?
00:27:14You never sent me flowers when we first had sex.
00:27:18Don't change the goddamn subject.
00:27:20Did you fuck somebody for these flowers or what?
00:27:22No!
00:27:23And stop saying fuck so much.
00:27:25Why?
00:27:26Does it make you feel guilty?
00:27:27No.
00:27:28It makes me feel like asking you to leave.
00:27:30Oh, so now you're leaving me because you fucked somebody.
00:27:34Look, I'm not leaving you.
00:27:36I'm just asking you to leave.
00:27:40But, Joanne, I don't care if you fuck this guy.
00:27:44We don't have to break up.
00:27:46I think you'd better go.
00:27:48For good?
00:27:50Yeah, I guess so.
00:27:54But, Joanna, I love you.
00:27:58I don't care if you fuck this guy.
00:28:00Goodbye, Scott.
00:28:03You know, that's just like a woman.
00:28:06Find somebody else to fuck and dump the guy that really loves you.
00:28:14I remember old Calvin.
00:28:16Poor bastard.
00:28:17He ran into me just after the accident.
00:28:20He was just another street person.
00:28:23I was still a member of society.
00:28:27He was crazy.
00:28:29I was part of society.
00:28:32He was crying.
00:28:36And he was coveting this small vial.
00:28:40I was drunk.
00:28:42I wanted to just stay drunk and get drunker and just stay that way.
00:28:50But as he was crying, I said,
00:28:52Hey, Calvin, why don't you and me just go out to the best bar in town
00:28:56and we'll just cry all night together?
00:28:59And he looked at me and he says,
00:29:04No one's going to cry with you, mister.
00:29:07You're doomed to do all your crying alone.
00:29:11Man, that shook me up a little bit.
00:29:16I don't know.
00:29:18So I asked for a swig off his vial.
00:29:22And he showed it to me. It wasn't alcohol at all.
00:29:25It was his tears in this vial.
00:29:28He was collecting his tears.
00:29:30He would hold it up to his eye.
00:29:32And his tears would roll into it.
00:29:41I asked him what had happened to him.
00:29:43And he told me about his wife leaving him.
00:29:46And he just lost it. I mean, he was bitter.
00:29:51So I took him back to his place.
00:29:53I looked around. There was no decorations on the walls or anything.
00:29:56There was just all these notebooks lined up on the shelves.
00:29:59They're filled with just the saddest poetry you ever saw.
00:30:02I mean, it was pathetic.
00:30:06And then, on the windowsill,
00:30:11there was these small little blue vials lined up.
00:30:16He had been collecting his tears in these vials.
00:30:21It must have been over a gallon of stuff.
00:30:25And he told me, he said,
00:30:27I'm going to send these to her when I die
00:30:29so she can see all the pain and suffering I've been through.
00:30:33And I said, send all your pain and suffering to the woman you love?
00:30:39Mister, I don't think that's right. I don't think that's love.
00:30:44And I thought about it, and I thought,
00:30:46that's what I've been doing with my drinking.
00:30:50Just showing the world how much pain and suffering I have.
00:30:54Right then and there, I said, no more drinking.
00:30:59Then I started talking.
00:31:02And I haven't shut up since.
00:31:05Now I wish I could just shut up, but my mind won't let me.
00:31:08It has no gate on it, no spigot, no valve.
00:31:11I'm so tired of hearing you talk!
00:31:15Just leave me alone! Just shut up!
00:31:19Just shut up!
00:31:20You keep doing the same things over and over again,
00:31:23and you don't stop!
00:31:25It's like a brain skipping, a CD skipping,
00:31:28a computer skipping, a rock skipping on the water!
00:31:32Just leave me alone! Just stop!
00:31:36Just stop!
00:31:38Just stop!
00:31:58So what's going on?
00:32:00I broke up with Scott.
00:32:02Shocking.
00:32:03You never did like him.
00:32:05It's not that I didn't like him.
00:32:07I just thought he was a scumbag, dick-like loser,
00:32:11chauvinistic, unprincipled, uncaring,
00:32:13total sleazeball cheeseball.
00:32:15That's all.
00:32:17Look, I just can't stand it anymore.
00:32:19I mean, why do I always end up with the Scott-like thing?
00:32:23I try and be careful and pick someone that'll be good to me.
00:32:26No you don't.
00:32:27You always end up with the hottest, coolest,
00:32:29richest showpieces in town, without fail.
00:32:32And somehow you expect these guys to be different on the inside
00:32:35than they are on the outside.
00:32:36And they're not.
00:32:37Big surprise.
00:32:39No, I don't.
00:32:40Yes, you do.
00:32:41To you, a man is the ultimate fashion accessory.
00:32:45Sorry.
00:32:46Well, what are you looking for?
00:32:48I don't know.
00:32:50Well, what attracted you to Scott?
00:32:53I thought he was different.
00:32:55Different how?
00:32:58Okay.
00:32:59I thought he was cute.
00:33:01There you go.
00:33:02Well, how am I supposed to go out with a guy I don't think is cute?
00:33:05I don't know.
00:33:06I couldn't do it.
00:33:07I mean, good-looking guys are assholes.
00:33:11And ugly guys are nice.
00:33:13They'd have to be or else they'd never get laid.
00:33:15Oh, right.
00:33:16So you wind up hanging out with some nice ugly guy having a great time
00:33:20until some good-looking asshole comes by and tricks you into thinking he's nice.
00:33:24So you break up with the ugly guy and break his heart.
00:33:27And then the good-looking asshole dumps you and your whole life's a mess.
00:33:31That's not true.
00:33:32Ugly guys can be just as much trouble as good-looking guys.
00:33:36So I figure, why not have someone good-looking treating you like shit?
00:33:41So you want someone who will treat you like shit?
00:33:44No, of course not.
00:33:46I just want...
00:33:48I want someone who, when I lie down at night, I can feel his soul wrap around me.
00:33:56Oh, is that all?
00:33:58Love, romance, mystery, beauty, joy, kids, wild sex, passion.
00:34:02Look, I want someone that won't run away when I show them the ugly parts of myself,
00:34:07the black parts that even I don't like, but they're a part of me.
00:34:11Like some sort of dark brooding James Dean kind of character?
00:34:15No, because I want them to love the other side of myself, too.
00:34:20I want them to be able to go anywhere with me,
00:34:23to all the twisted, dark, scary places inside,
00:34:26and to all the loving, kind, caring places.
00:34:30Maybe you're really complex and most guys just aren't.
00:34:33I think everybody's complex inside.
00:34:36I think some people are just better at covering it up.
00:34:41Oh, really?
00:34:42Yeah, I mean, aren't we the most vulnerable when we try and show our true emotions to each other?
00:34:48Isn't that, like, the scariest thing in the world to do?
00:34:52I think it's just easier to live without thinking about these things.
00:34:57I'm doomed. I'm doomed to being alone.
00:35:01I don't want to pretend I don't have these things inside me for the rest of my life.
00:35:06God, you're not doomed.
00:35:07You don't have to pretend you don't have these things inside of you.
00:35:10Just don't get hung up on them. That's all.
00:35:13Well, that's the same thing.
00:35:15No, it isn't.
00:35:17I want the fairy tale.
00:35:21Thank God.
00:35:22Not only are you doomed, but you're going to burn in the fires of hell for all eternity
00:35:26just for uttering those pathetic words.
00:35:52So, I was a kid. I grew up in the city. I built a large house.
00:35:56I sent it to myself.
00:35:58I didn't want to do this because I didn't want to be so sure somebody would catch me.
00:36:01But I had a friend who came to me.
00:36:03He was my best friend.
00:36:05He was one of the greatest people I've ever known.
00:36:07Every time I saw his face, I would cry.
00:36:09I didn't want to talk about it.
00:36:10I just wanted to be with him.
00:36:12And that scared me.
00:36:14I was just too afraid to talk about it.
00:36:16So, I left my home.
00:36:20I don't want to talk about it.
00:36:22I don't want to talk about it.
00:36:24I don't want to talk about it.
00:36:26I don't want to talk about it.
00:36:28I don't want to talk about it.
00:36:30I don't want to talk about it.
00:36:32I don't want to talk about it.
00:36:34I don't want to talk about it.
00:36:36I don't want to talk about it.
00:36:38I don't want to talk about it.
00:36:40I don't want to talk about it.
00:36:42I don't want to talk about it.
00:36:44I don't want to talk about it.
00:36:46I don't want to talk about it.
00:36:48I don't want to talk about it.
00:36:54I got some flowers.
00:36:56From who?
00:36:57I don't know.
00:36:58Ooh, secret admirer.
00:37:00How mysterious.
00:37:02And cowardly.
00:37:04You are doomed.
00:37:05And you want to know why?
00:37:06Because these kinds of things never work out.
00:37:08It always ends up being the most horrible geek that ever existed.
00:37:12And they sent a poem.
00:37:14A poet?
00:37:15A romantic super geek?
00:37:17Sounds like you two are made for each other.
00:37:20What's it say?
00:37:22Okay.
00:37:26It says,
00:37:28The lips of the wind kisses us and sighs.
00:37:32Angels pray to dandelions, small seeds with soft wings.
00:37:37Wow.
00:37:39Yeats.
00:37:40Yeah.
00:37:41And the weird thing is, I've been reading Yeats lately.
00:37:45I figure it must mean something.
00:37:48I wonder who it is.
00:37:50I think it's Bob at the bank.
00:37:53Joanna, Bob got married last month in Hawaii.
00:37:56To his boyfriend.
00:37:58Oh, well.
00:38:00Oh, it's got to be Frank at the coffee shop.
00:38:03Frank's going out with Alvin the hairdresser.
00:38:05What about Mike?
00:38:07Jouster.
00:38:09Are all the good looking guys in this town gay?
00:38:12Yep.
00:38:15Well, who could it possibly be?
00:38:18Some geek.
00:38:20I don't think so.
00:38:23Well, who?
00:38:25You got me, girl.
00:38:27I didn't think anybody liked you.
00:38:29Oh, thanks a lot.
00:38:31Give me a break.
00:38:32You know as well as I do, half this town's got a crush on you.
00:38:35It could be anybody.
00:38:37Right.
00:38:39It is some geek.
00:38:41See if you can find out who the florist is.
00:38:44Oh, what about Brian Palmer?
00:38:48Brian the mechanic?
00:38:50Yeah.
00:38:51Whenever I see him, he always asks me about you.
00:38:54But he's kind of gross.
00:38:57Hey, beggars can't be choosers.
00:38:59Besides, we already know that it'll be the biggest geek in the world.
00:39:04Right.
00:39:05Well, look.
00:39:06See if you can find out for me.
00:39:07Absolutely.
00:39:08I'll call you.
00:39:09Okay.
00:39:10Oh, and Joanna.
00:39:13Maybe it's me.
00:39:15Oh, it has to be you.
00:39:17Why?
00:39:18Because you said it would be the biggest geek in the world.
00:40:43Good morning.
00:41:09Good morning, couch.
00:41:12Good morning, bagel.
00:41:14Good morning, bagel.
00:41:18Another bagel left by the angel?
00:41:22An angel bagel.
00:41:24What do you mean?
00:41:25What are you trying to tell me?
00:41:28Are you trying to tell me that she loves me?
00:41:32Oh, don't jump to conclusions, George.
00:41:35Maybe she didn't leave it.
00:41:36Maybe she did.
00:41:39Maybe she loves me.
00:41:41Maybe she just feels sorry for me.
00:41:46Where is it?
00:41:49If I beg, cower, and crawl, will I find my eight ball?
00:41:58Does she love me?
00:42:03What a beautiful morning.
00:42:07What am I here for?
00:42:09What is my purpose if not to love?
00:42:17If I'm not loving, am I having any purpose at all?
00:42:20Each moment spent in anger is one lost to the dark gods.
00:42:25It's homage to that which I do not want to be.
00:42:28This is not a thought.
00:42:30This is not speech.
00:42:32This is an exorcism for the demons in my soul.
00:42:36This is an incantation for good.
00:42:40Ah.
00:42:43Mmm.
00:42:44Lovely bagel.
00:42:50Hey!
00:42:51Didn't I tell you to stay away from here?
00:42:53Can't I just finish my bagel and then go?
00:42:55No!
00:42:56I want you out of here now before I call the police.
00:42:58Well, as soon as I'm done with my breakfast, I'll just go on.
00:43:00No!
00:43:01I want you out of here now!
00:43:03Well, I just have a couple more bites.
00:43:05What part of no don't you understand?
00:43:08Well, what part of understanding don't you know?
00:43:15Disposable.
00:43:17Dead.
00:43:19Accomplished by.
00:43:21Redeemable.
00:43:23Yeah, but...
00:43:43Anyway, I miss you guys.
00:43:48I hope everything's okay there, but...
00:43:51I guess I'll just, uh...
00:43:53I guess I'll just see you tomorrow.
00:44:01This is the spirit world speaking.
00:44:05This is how the spirits communicate.
00:44:08Little pieces of paper that blow into your feet.
00:44:12They speak always, every second of every day.
00:44:17Not with words, but signs.
00:44:21Little hints, directions to taking life.
00:44:26I remember thinking...
00:44:29I remember thinking of going down to that killer car maker.
00:44:34Getting a shotgun and going down there and getting them back.
00:44:38Getting them all back.
00:44:42Oh, but...
00:44:44I couldn't do it.
00:44:46I was sitting on a park bench and I...
00:44:49I looked up at the street light and it winked out.
00:44:52It winked black.
00:44:54And I knew...
00:44:56I knew at that moment that that was the way to darkness.
00:44:59And that there had to be some way back to the light.
00:45:03I think we all have that...
00:45:05That place in our hearts.
00:45:07That dark place that we keep a step or a block or...
00:45:11A million miles away from.
00:45:14But that's the place that allows us to feel the...
00:45:17The tragedies that others have suffered.
00:45:21That you all have suffered.
00:45:26Rosetta...
00:45:28When you died, you were only 12 years old.
00:45:32And that place, that dark place, that...
00:45:35That's why we...
00:45:37We turn away from it, we ignore it.
00:45:39Because we're just afraid that the pain of others is just gonna overwhelm us.
00:45:44We're afraid it's gonna open up that...
00:45:46That sad black hole that's inside ourselves.
00:45:53But the bagels...
00:45:56The bagels come anyway!
00:45:59Fearless Bagel Woman, she's come to terms with her darkness.
00:46:03She knows it, she...
00:46:04She lives with it, she nurtures it.
00:46:07Her darkness has given her the gift of her overwhelming compassion.
00:46:12And it fuels her inner light.
00:46:16And I know I...
00:46:18I'm a disgusting wreck of a man, I mean, look at me.
00:46:22I'm a loser in a game of life.
00:46:25I have black, bitter darkness inside of me that will never disappear.
00:46:28That no one can ever make disappear.
00:46:31And yet, I know...
00:46:34I'm gonna give to her.
00:46:38I'm gonna tell her of my love for her.
00:46:42Even though I fear it's gonna drive her away.
00:46:48I love her.
00:46:57She loves me.
00:46:59She loves me not.
00:47:01She loves me.
00:47:03She loves me not.
00:47:07She loves me.
00:47:08She loves me not.
00:47:09She loves me.
00:47:10She loves me not.
00:47:11She loves me.
00:47:12She loves me not.
00:47:13She loves me.
00:47:14She loves me not.
00:47:16She loves me.
00:47:18She loves me not.
00:47:19She loves me.
00:47:20She loves me not.
00:47:21She loves me.
00:47:22She loves me not.
00:47:25She loves me.
00:47:29She loves me.
00:47:32I knew it.
00:47:33I knew it, she loves me.
00:47:37I knew it, she loves me.
00:48:04Hello?
00:48:05Hi Laurie, it's Joanna.
00:48:07Um, I got another flower.
00:48:09From the coward? How exciting.
00:48:12Look, did you talk to Brian?
00:48:14Is it him?
00:48:15No, um, he kind of spent the night here last night.
00:48:21Laurie!
00:48:22I'm sorry hun, I called him to ask him about you and the next thing I knew...
00:48:26I think he's gross anyway.
00:48:28I knew it wasn't him.
00:48:30How?
00:48:31Because this guy is different.
00:48:35No, I mean, it's weird, but when I lie in bed at night and imagine him with me,
00:48:42I can feel him out there thinking about me.
00:48:46You're fantasizing about this man?
00:48:48Are you crazy?
00:48:50Joanna, you don't even know who this guy is.
00:48:53You're just in love with some fantasy Prince Charming.
00:48:56No, it's not Prince Charming.
00:48:59It's more like the lover from the Marguerite Durand novel.
00:49:04And why not? Why not fall for the perfect fantasy?
00:49:08Because when the fantasy becomes reality, somebody's gonna get hurt.
00:49:13I'm not gonna get hurt from a secret admirer.
00:49:16I know how these things always resolve themselves.
00:49:19Besides, I need a little fantasy in my life right now.
00:49:23I mean, this is like the perfect guy.
00:49:27He comes to me at night.
00:49:29We have incredible sex.
00:49:31He leaves in the morning, and he always puts down the toilet seat.
00:49:36Does he leave the used condoms on the bedroom floor?
00:49:39I hate that.
00:49:40No, we don't use condoms.
00:49:43No? But what if you get pregnant?
00:49:45I can't. He uses a secret oriental method of lovemaking
00:49:49which allows him to have an orgasm without ejaculating.
00:49:52Oh my God!
00:49:54Yes, and he can go on forever. I mean, all night.
00:49:58Is he very, well, you know?
00:50:02No, what?
00:50:03Come on!
00:50:04You know?
00:50:06What?
00:50:08Mmm! What?
00:50:10Does he have a big dick?
00:50:12Like a Redwood.
00:50:17How am I gonna get rid of Brian?
00:50:20Tell him you don't like his car.
00:50:22I wanna get rid of him, not destroy him.
00:50:25Don't you ever get sick of it?
00:50:27What?
00:50:29Running around with all these guys.
00:50:31No.
00:50:36Land of the dead.
00:50:39I don't know.
00:50:41I don't know.
00:50:43I don't know.
00:50:45I don't know.
00:50:47I don't know.
00:50:49I don't know.
00:50:51I don't know.
00:50:53I don't know.
00:50:55I don't know.
00:50:57I don't know.
00:50:59I don't know.
00:51:01I don't know.
00:51:03I don't know.
00:51:05I don't know.
00:51:07I don't know.
00:51:25It's all right buddy, it's all right.
00:51:26I'm not going to hurt you.
00:51:28You don't need to bark at me for, crying out loud.
00:51:32Boy.
00:51:34I don't know, this...
00:51:37I don't know, it's...
00:51:39Some people say that God's perfect.
00:51:42Is God perfect?
00:51:47I don't know, it just doesn't make any sense.
00:51:50I mean, would a perfect God let a two-year-old child get its legs blown off by a landmine?
00:51:57I read about it in the paper this morning!
00:51:59Out of the dumpster! How could you do that? How?
00:52:02What were you thinking?
00:52:04A two-year-old child, for crying out loud!
00:52:08You ought to come down here and let somebody teach you a lesson!
00:52:14Sometimes I think you're as bad as I am!
00:52:18It's not my idea of perfection.
00:52:20I mean, even I can think of a more perfect world than that!
00:52:24I don't know, maybe...
00:52:26Maybe you're trying to get by just as good as you can.
00:52:29Just like me.
00:52:32Maybe you can't stop all the bad in the world from happening.
00:52:36Maybe you just try to stop it for the people that are trying to do good.
00:52:40I don't mean good by doing things like worshipping and complaining to you,
00:52:45or whining and complaining,
00:52:47and, I gotta have more of this in my life, and I don't have enough of that, and...
00:52:51No, I mean good by doing good!
00:52:56Maybe we don't have the best God.
00:52:59Maybe you're more like a straight person to God.
00:53:02Maybe you're more like a bum God, a homeless God.
00:53:07Where not everything goes quite right for you.
00:53:11Miracles go wrong.
00:53:14I don't know.
00:53:17Yeah, maybe you're not perfect. Maybe you make mistakes.
00:53:21Maybe I need to forgive you, you imperfect God, for the mistakes that you've made.
00:53:26Just like I need to forgive myself.
00:53:31Just like I need to forgive everyone else for theirs.
00:53:36Sigh.
00:53:56Hello?
00:53:57Hi Lori, it's Joanna.
00:53:59I finally got something for my secret admirer.
00:54:02It's a name and phone number, or maybe like a picture totally nude?
00:54:07No, it's a key.
00:54:09To his apartment?
00:54:10No, a key to a locker in the bus station.
00:54:13Oh my God!
00:54:15How incredibly romantic, exciting, and mysterious.
00:54:19Unless, of course, inside the locker you find the head of his last victim, Lori.
00:54:25Yeah.
00:54:26Maybe he's like a freako serial killer, the flower petal bus locker stalker,
00:54:31who slyly sucks beautiful young women into his soft, sultry web of romantic candy,
00:54:36and then chops and hacks them up for all the mean things his mother did to him.
00:54:41Uh, no. That was your last boyfriend?
00:54:45Oh yeah.
00:54:46So, um, I'm going down to the bus station. Do you want to come?
00:54:50No way. What if he's there waiting for you?
00:54:53That's why I want you to come.
00:54:55Well, I would, but I'm going to a concert with Brian.
00:54:58Oh, how's that going?
00:55:00Ugh, the man has problems. He is a real fixer-upper.
00:55:04And?
00:55:05And nothing. He's a total dick, but I need to get laid.
00:55:09You mean, because he has a dick, you can get laid?
00:55:14Exactly.
00:55:15God, you're such a slut.
00:55:17Hey, what's wrong with that?
00:55:18I don't know. I don't know. Maybe that's just the way to be.
00:55:22Listen, I would trade in my night with Brian the Motorhead
00:55:25for your romantic, exciting locker key any day of the week.
00:55:29Really?
00:55:30Honey, I want the real thing. Love, kids, marriage, all that stuff. We all do.
00:55:36Well, it's about time you admitted it to me.
00:55:40Do you know how hard it is to be the last romantic woman in Boulder?
00:55:45Are you really going to fuck Brian?
00:55:47No, but he thinks I am.
00:55:49God, you're so bad.
00:55:51I'll call you later. I got a jet.
00:55:53Okay, bye.
00:56:00Jesus. Jesus. Jesus.
00:56:05I know Jesus. He's a friend of mine. I met him in a pub.
00:56:10It was back when I was drinking heavily.
00:56:14I looked over, and there he was, sitting there right at the bar.
00:56:18He was drinking, too. He had a glass of wine or something.
00:56:23I said, Jesus Christ, man, am I glad to see you.
00:56:28I cannot believe what's been going on around here.
00:56:31The last 2,000 years, they've been fighting wars and such.
00:56:36On TV, they steal money from the meek.
00:56:40They've practically screwed up the whole planet.
00:56:43And you know what the thing is?
00:56:45I mean, I don't really want to tell you this, but they've been doing it all in your name.
00:56:51I had to tell him, and he just kind of looked at me with these eyes.
00:56:55His eyes were just so full of light and joy.
00:56:58Then I kind of looked at him, and his hair was all tangled up, and he was kind of dirty and skinny looking.
00:57:04He looked to me like he'd been living out on the street for, God, all his whole life, probably.
00:57:09Then he says to me,
00:57:13You know, you have no idea what it's like, pal.
00:57:17They are after me every day.
00:57:20They're always on my back.
00:57:22And yet, very little of all this impresses me.
00:57:25Very little of it.
00:57:39Then he mumbled something else.
00:57:41I don't quite remember what it was.
00:57:43And then he said something like,
00:57:45Hey, how about sliding me a dollar so I can get some food?
00:57:49And then he looked into his glass, and he just kind of stared into it for a while,
00:57:53and I just kind of felt my heart sink.
00:57:57And I looked at him, and I said,
00:57:59Can't you just make a miracle or something?
00:58:01Save the world from all these wars and everything?
00:58:05And he looked at me, and he goes,
00:58:08Don't look at me, pal. I've done all I can.
00:58:11I've been trying to save the world, but how can I change your heart when it's all balled up like a vest?
00:58:17You can't change your mind no matter how much it's been blessed.
00:58:22Well, I'd been drinking for days, and this just kind of pissed me off.
00:58:27So I looked at him, and I said,
00:58:29Oh, I see. You're just going to sit there drinking while we all go straight to hell.
00:58:34You can't tell me that even the Messiah has lost all hope.
00:58:42And then he just kind of twisted his glass.
00:58:46He turned his head ever so slowly.
00:58:51He took a long stare at me.
00:58:55He looked at me with those big, round eyes of his, and he says,
00:59:06Look, pal, you can buy me a drink, or you can leave me alone.
00:59:11The rest is up to you.
00:59:13And then he just wouldn't say a word after that.
00:59:43Hey, Richard! Richard! Hey!
01:00:07Hey, George. How's it going?
01:00:08How's it going, man? How you doing? It's good to see you.
01:00:11Hey, listen. I need some advice.
01:00:15On what?
01:00:17Women. What else?
01:00:19Listen, don't ask me. I haven't a clue what women think.
01:00:23Go ask somebody who's married or in a relationship.
01:00:25You got a relationship.
01:00:27I don't have a relationship. I have a sinking ship.
01:00:30It's close enough. I just need some advice on what to do with the woman that's been giving me the bagels.
01:00:36The bagel woman.
01:00:37Well, have you actually spoken with her yet?
01:00:39No. It's worse than that.
01:00:41How much worse?
01:00:43Well, I think I'm in love with her.
01:00:46You think?
01:00:48Okay, I know I'm in love with her.
01:00:51You're in love with her? With her?
01:00:54I love her. I don't know how she feels about me.
01:00:58Well, have you told her?
01:01:00No, look at me. I'm afraid what she might think.
01:01:04Let me tell you something, okay?
01:01:05You know, one time I asked somebody for some advice, and they gave it to me, and I took it.
01:01:09Fucked my whole life up. Fucked it up real.
01:01:13Okay, well, I give you permission to fuck up my life.
01:01:20Well, years later, I came to realize that they were directing those comments to themselves, okay?
01:01:27It was almost like the advice they were giving me were based on what they would have done in the situation that I was in.
01:01:31Which is what I think humans do generally. They can't help it.
01:01:35So what do you mean exactly?
01:01:37What do you mean? What do I mean?
01:01:41Okay, like say if I were to ask somebody if I should put avocado on my sandwich, right, okay?
01:01:45And they say, nix the avocado because they're trying to lose weight.
01:01:47Well, maybe I'm trying to gain weight, okay?
01:01:49So they're giving me advice based on what they would have done instead of what I should have done.
01:01:53Okay. So what happened?
01:01:56Well, I did this thing in that situation, which would have been great had they done it,
01:02:00but for me, it wound up being the worst thing that could have transpired, you know?
01:02:03So as a result of that, I wound up being alone, fucked up relationships,
01:02:08all because I bullshitted when I should have told the truth.
01:02:10What bullshit?
01:02:13Well, she was it, George. You know what I'm saying? She was it.
01:02:17All right, and the advice I got was, don't tell your lover, man, or you'll scare her off.
01:02:21So I didn't tell her. So she left town and left a note.
01:02:25A note? What did it say?
01:02:28The note.
01:02:29All right, all right. I got it right here.
01:02:33Hey, that stick of gum, are you going to...
01:02:35No, I need that.
01:02:40Richard, I'll love you forever. Anita.
01:02:46I got a postcard from her a couple of years ago.
01:02:48She's living in Minneapolis now, married, got kids, doing really well.
01:02:53I tell you, it makes me feel sick even today to think about it, you know?
01:02:57And of course, you know the guy who gave me the advice?
01:02:59Happily fucking married.
01:03:03Anyway, the point is, okay, is that anytime anybody wants to give you some advice,
01:03:08I mean, I don't care who it is, it could be a doctor or a lawyer or your therapist or your mother,
01:03:13they're really saying it for themselves.
01:03:16Oh, yeah, right.
01:03:18So tell her you love her is my advice to you.
01:03:22But it doesn't apply to you, so don't take it.
01:03:28Right. Got it. Got it.
01:03:35Got it.
01:03:36You're going to leave, huh?
01:03:37Yeah, yeah.
01:03:42Hey, you all right?
01:03:45Yeah.
01:03:46You okay?
01:03:47Yeah, yeah, I'm okay.
01:03:52Hey, you know, take a shower, though, before, or whatever you do, you know, just.
01:03:58Got it.
01:04:12Love, kindness, joy, bliss, care, and self-assurance.
01:04:20These are the things that I was born with.
01:04:23I don't need to follow some guru or religion in order to find spiritual bliss.
01:04:30These things are inside of me every second of every day.
01:04:35I just happen to be covered up in a layer of crap right at the moment.
01:04:40I just need to stop.
01:04:42I just need to stop and get down under these layers and uncover that hidden self down on the inside.
01:04:49Yeah, it's just all this crap, all these bad thoughts, these inappropriate actions,
01:04:54these inappropriate thinking patterns.
01:04:58It's not like we were all born perfect, and then we had to go discover a course in miracles
01:05:05or become a Scientologist or spend 100 years on a mountaintop meditating.
01:05:12No.
01:05:14No.
01:05:16No, no, no.
01:05:19I think we came into this world as far more perfect beings.
01:05:24Yeah.
01:05:28And it's not something that exists out there.
01:05:31I don't have to go somewhere else to go find it.
01:05:34No, it's right here.
01:05:36It's right here inside of me.
01:05:37I just need to get all that crap out.
01:05:40Just pour it out.
01:05:41Just spew it out of my mouth.
01:05:45Just get rid of it until I'm clean on the inside.
01:05:50Get down to that hidden perfection that's buried deep down inside of me
01:05:54and let it rise to the surface of my heart and heal myself.
01:05:59That's what I'm going to do.
01:06:02That's what I'm going to do.
01:06:04It's all down deep inside of us now.
01:06:06I can feel it.
01:06:07We're perfect on the inside.
01:06:09I mean, you know that, don't you?
01:06:11I know.
01:06:12Yeah, you know.
01:06:13Everybody knows.
01:06:16Burdened by a want to fulfill a larger purpose in the name of selflessness,
01:06:20the earth's gatherings must become a time for selfless relief.
01:06:26He was right.
01:06:28I hope this has been my decision.
01:06:32This is who I am, my friend.
01:06:36I hope you like me.
01:06:42She's not going to like me.
01:06:43What am I thinking?
01:06:47This is crazy.
01:06:49Oh, God.
01:06:51What if she wouldn't like me?
01:06:54I'm going to stick it in here.
01:06:56Put it under here.
01:07:04She's not going to like me.
01:07:07Hey!
01:07:09What are you doing?
01:07:11I was just going to put something into your mailbox.
01:07:15You've been leaving me things?
01:07:17Yeah, yeah.
01:07:19You left me the flowers and the key?
01:07:23Yeah.
01:07:25Oh, my God.
01:07:26What was I thinking?
01:07:28Of course, of course it would be someone like you.
01:07:31No offense, but you're not exactly someone I can fall in love with, you know.
01:07:36What is wrong with you?
01:07:37What were you thinking?
01:07:39Well, you just left me those bagels.
01:07:42I leave stray dogs biscuits, and I don't expect them to start following me.
01:07:48You can't do this anymore.
01:07:50You have got to leave me alone.
01:07:53I just wanted to thank you.
01:07:55Oh, are you crazy?
01:07:57My God, my girlfriend said you'd be some kind of psycho.
01:08:00What is wrong with you?
01:08:02You've got bodies in your freezer.
01:08:05I mean, have you ever killed anybody?
01:08:07How did you know?
01:08:09I just love my wife and my child so much.
01:08:13Look, you don't love me.
01:08:16You got that?
01:08:17You don't love me, and I don't love you, and I never will love you.
01:08:23You had better leave, and you had better leave me alone,
01:08:26and you had better not come back here.
01:08:28You got that?
01:08:29I'm going inside, and I'm going to call the police,
01:08:32and if you ever come back here, I'm going to have you arrested,
01:08:36and I'm having a restraining order put on you,
01:08:39so stay out of my mailbox and my garbage.
01:08:45You don't understand.
01:08:47I just wanted to thank you for the bagels.
01:08:50I won't come back if you don't want me to.
01:08:53I just talk too much.
01:08:55I just talk too much, that's all.
01:08:57Well, now you know.
01:08:59Now you know I'm a complete and utter bitch, and I hate you,
01:09:03so get the fuck away from me.
01:09:05You disgust me.
01:09:07You disgust me to the very core of my being.
01:09:11You disgust me.
01:09:12You disgust me.
01:09:13You disgust me.
01:09:14You disgust me.
01:09:15You disgust me.
01:09:16You disgust me.
01:09:17You disgust me.
01:09:18You disgust me.
01:09:19You disgust me.
01:09:20You disgust me.
01:09:21You disgust me.
01:09:22You disgust me.
01:09:23You disgust me.
01:09:24You disgust me.
01:09:25You disgust me.
01:09:26You disgust me.
01:09:27You disgust me.
01:09:28You disgust me.
01:09:29You disgust me.
01:09:30You disgust me.
01:09:31You disgust me.
01:09:32You disgust me.
01:09:33You disgust me.
01:09:34You disgust me.
01:09:35You disgust me.
01:09:36You disgust me.
01:09:37You disgust me.
01:09:38You disgust me.
01:09:39You disgust me.
01:09:40You disgust me.
01:09:41You disgust me.
01:09:42You disgust me.
01:09:43You disgust me.
01:09:44You disgust me.
01:09:45You disgust me.
01:09:46You disgust me.
01:09:47You disgust me.
01:09:48You disgust me.
01:09:49You disgust me.
01:09:50You disgust me.
01:09:51You disgust me.
01:09:52You disgust me.
01:09:53You disgust me.
01:09:54You disgust me.
01:09:55You disgust me.
01:09:56You disgust me.
01:09:57You disgust me.
01:09:58You disgust me.
01:09:59You disgust me.
01:10:00You disgust me.
01:10:01You disgust me.
01:10:02You disgust me.
01:10:03You disgust me.
01:10:04You disgust me.
01:10:05You disgust me.
01:10:06You disgust me.
01:10:07You disgust me.
01:10:08You disgust me.
01:10:09Oh lord.
01:10:12I didn't want it to be this way.
01:10:13I didn't want it to be this way.
01:10:16I didn't want it to be this way.
01:10:18I didn't want it to be this way.
01:10:22Is there any hope.
01:10:23Is there hope.
01:10:25No.
01:10:28Is there hope?
01:10:36Very doubtful.
01:10:39Is there love?
01:10:42Goodness?
01:10:45Kindness?
01:10:51I look not so good.
01:10:54But I believed in these things.
01:10:57I know they exist. I know they do.
01:11:00For some.
01:11:03For the lucky ones.
01:11:07But not for me!
01:11:11It only exists for those who still believe.
01:11:15To reach out, to have someone grab your pitiful hand.
01:11:20I thought that love would come. I thought that I would find it again.
01:11:24I thought that I felt it.
01:11:26But no. I only felt the hope of it.
01:11:29The longing of it.
01:11:31I thought that something or somebody was watching over me.
01:11:36And now I know that there is.
01:11:39But not something benevolent and kind.
01:11:41Not something wonderful and caring.
01:11:43But something malevolent and vindictive.
01:11:45Something sour and cold.
01:11:47Back when I had love and a child.
01:11:50Back before I killed them and let myself be washed over by the flames of hell.
01:11:56Then I thought I was dead.
01:11:58But I had not died.
01:12:00But I was dead.
01:12:01And only I could will myself back to life.
01:12:04The flames which I alone allowed to consume and torture me.
01:12:09I could not forgive good, or God, or good spirits, or the Tao, or karma.
01:12:16Or Buddha, or Yahweh, or Mary, or whoever it is that you pray to.
01:12:23For all the good it had given me.
01:12:26I could not forgive it for taking away so much in such a cruel and senseless manner.
01:12:33Was it just me and an evil act of evil self-intent?
01:12:37What possessed me?
01:12:38How can I forgive myself and God for allowing it?
01:12:42Yet I do, I do forgive Him in my thoughts.
01:12:47But when?
01:12:48When will this sink down in the very depths of my soul and stay there nurturing me?
01:12:54I'm a part of me.
01:12:55Why is it so easy to forgive in the brain, in the mind, in the intellect?
01:13:02To forgive in the heart where the darkness dwells with their sticks and their jabbing knives tearing me apart?
01:13:13I have every right.
01:13:14I have every right to be angry.
01:13:17I have every right to be angry.
01:13:21I have every right to be angry.
01:13:28But do I?
01:13:30Do I want to be?
01:13:51I want to be.
01:14:21I want to be.
01:14:51I want to be.
01:15:18I was driving home one night with my family
01:15:22and I swerved to avoid hitting a dog
01:15:26and uh
01:15:30it rolled over
01:15:32and I killed him.
01:15:34I killed my family.
01:15:52God.
01:16:14I'm sorry.
01:16:15I'm sorry.
01:16:17I just, I wanted to apologize for the other day.
01:16:21I'm sorry.
01:16:23So
01:16:26I'm, I'm not gonna yell at you anymore.
01:16:33Oh.
01:16:35Um.
01:16:36Do you need to be alone?
01:16:38I can go.
01:16:39No, no.
01:16:41That's okay.
01:16:43I wanted you to meet my wife and child.
01:16:47Well, they wanted to meet you.
01:16:50I guess you think it's pretty weird
01:16:53me introducing you to my wife and child
01:16:56that are dead out in the middle of a graveyard.
01:17:00I just wanted their approval
01:17:04for what I, I guess I don't really know.
01:17:09I must just be crazy.
01:17:12No.
01:17:14No, you're not crazy.
01:17:17I'm not?
01:17:20No.
01:17:22You, you just need to be loved.
01:17:31So do I.
01:17:37I don't know what to say.
01:17:40Um.
01:17:43Well.
01:17:44Well.
01:17:46You look really nice.
01:17:50Um.
01:17:53Why don't we go get a bagel?
01:17:55Do you, do you want to get a bagel?
01:17:57Come on.
01:17:58My treat.
01:17:59Let's go.
01:18:02It's really peaceful here, huh?
01:18:04And look at all these sleeping bodies.
01:18:07I wonder if they're having pleasant dreams.
01:18:10I bet they are.
01:18:11How could you in a place like this?
01:18:15I hope that I die on my own.
01:18:18I hope this is just a dream.
01:18:20I hope I never wake up again.
01:18:22I hope I never wake up again.
01:18:24I hope I never wake up again.
01:18:27What about walking on humans?
01:18:30I bet some of them do.
01:18:35What is that?
01:18:41Children of the sea,
01:18:46Make a sound in the land
01:18:48Where no one sings
01:18:52Rock a child in the arms
01:18:54That loving brings
01:18:58Plant a seed in the ground
01:19:00Where all lives spring
01:19:04Hold it close as we soar
01:19:06On our ancient wings
01:19:10Turn this world around, we're going home
01:19:22Now that we are found, we're going home
01:19:29Happy child in the eyes that know all things
01:19:40Take a walk in a world where freedom reigns
01:19:46Plant a seed in the mind that thinking brings
01:19:52Hold you close as we fly on our silver strings
01:19:58Hear that inner sound, we're going home
01:20:10Blue and green and brown, going home
01:20:18Make a sound in the land where no one sings
01:20:28Plant a seed in the ground where all life springs
01:20:34Rock a child in the arms that a loving brings
01:20:40Hold you close as we soar on our ancient wings
01:20:47Hold you close as we soar on our ancient wings
01:20:53Hold you close as we soar on our
01:20:57Glide on our ancient wings
01:21:18Turn this world around, we're going home
01:21:32Turn this world around, we're going home
01:21:39We're going, we're going, we're going, we're going
01:21:45Turn this world around, we're going home
01:21:51We're going, we're going, we're going, we're going
01:21:57Turn this world around, we're going home
01:22:09Thanks for watching!