Glamour's cover star Sophia Bush has never been more herself. From making the headlines after her divorce to getting into a new relationship, the actor opens up about her "long and thoughtful and exhaustive" journey that helped her find real, authentic joy in life. Here, in her own words, Sophia speaks to the power of finally learning to listen to her intuition.
Director: Anastasia Sanger
Director of Photography: Lucas Vilicich
Editor: Anastasia Sanger
Talent: Sophia Bush
Host: Samantha Barry
Producer: Amalie MacGowan
Production Manager: Andressa Pelachi
Gaffer: Lucas Vilicich
Sound Mixer: Gloria Marie
Production Assistant: Lauren Boucher
Stylist: Deborah Afshani
Make-up Artist: Afton Williams
Hairstylist: Matthew Collins
Manicurist: Brittney Boyce
Post Production Supervisor: Christian Olguin
Supervising Editor: Erica Deleo
Designer: Channing Smith
Director: Anastasia Sanger
Director of Photography: Lucas Vilicich
Editor: Anastasia Sanger
Talent: Sophia Bush
Host: Samantha Barry
Producer: Amalie MacGowan
Production Manager: Andressa Pelachi
Gaffer: Lucas Vilicich
Sound Mixer: Gloria Marie
Production Assistant: Lauren Boucher
Stylist: Deborah Afshani
Make-up Artist: Afton Williams
Hairstylist: Matthew Collins
Manicurist: Brittney Boyce
Post Production Supervisor: Christian Olguin
Supervising Editor: Erica Deleo
Designer: Channing Smith
Category
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LifestyleTranscript
00:00And what's going on in your love life right now?
00:02I feel like I've been wearing an 80 pound weighted vest for probably a decade
00:10and I finally just f***ing put it down.
00:16Sophia Bush, welcome. Thank you for joining us today on set at your Glamour cover shoot.
00:21This has been a pretty amazing day.
00:23This is a very comfortable setting for you. You have already done a number of podcasts.
00:27Talk to me about Drama Queens and Work in Progress.
00:29Do you think that people give you more when you're talking in the audio world
00:33versus maybe sitting down in a television studio?
00:37What do you think about that?
00:38One of the things that I love about doing the audio version of something is that
00:43I can do it from anywhere. I don't need much equipment.
00:46I don't need hair and makeup and nor does anyone on the show.
00:50I can podcast in my pajamas which feels deeply chic.
00:54Yeah, I love that.
00:55And I think it does even subconsciously allow everyone to relax a bit.
01:00So with Drama Queens, the three of you reuniting in that way after so many years,
01:05how did your friendship with these women set you up for this long lasting relationship
01:09and now this podcast?
01:11I always joke with people that the interesting thing about winding up on a show like we all did,
01:16it's sort of like an arranged marriage.
01:19You don't know these people and then you spend 17 hours a day for nine years with them.
01:25In this, you really in probably a very open way tackled the misogyny on set.
01:32How was that doing that publicly for your audience?
01:34I think it was really empowering for us to be able to tell the truth and hard.
01:42But I think the only way out is through.
01:45And it has given us all an ability to kind of reclaim what was so amazing about our job
01:52and about especially our friendships and like take the trash out, which has been great.
01:58Last summer, you have made your West End debut.
02:02An amazing production, an amazing role, something I know you were very excited about.
02:07That run didn't ultimately turn out to be what you wanted it to be.
02:11It took us through that.
02:12Yeah, I had been doing so much work to heal from what the girls and I went through in North Carolina,
02:21what I went through on my job after that.
02:25And one of the things I learned is that when you have repeat trauma,
02:31you learn to leave it at the door.
02:34You disassociate, you perform, you take care of your crew, you take care of your team,
02:38you do what you're meant to do because that's your job and you're lucky to have it.
02:42And I realized that doing a play on like a show or a film, you do the same thing every day.
02:48You say the same words every day. It's like dance.
02:51To me, it felt like an opportunity to go and do somatic work as an artist and to get back in my body.
02:57And I wanted it. I craved it.
02:59I was desperate to know what my body was trying to tell me.
03:05And so going to London and getting into rehearsals, I mean, we danced every day.
03:09It put me back in touch with myself in the most incredible way.
03:14I couldn't have predicted that when half the company went down and they never really figured out,
03:20like they knew everyone had a virus. They didn't know what it was.
03:23And we were all out for a week.
03:25But everyone else started to get better and I got sicker and sicker and sicker.
03:31I was so used to showing up and doing my job no matter what.
03:34My amazing assistant director, Andy, was like, you're gray. You're not well.
03:41We can't stop you shaking. They were packing my body in ice bags backstage.
03:45And then there was a doctor who we started sending all my data to who was like,
03:49go back to the emergency room right now, right now.
03:52And I was like, wait a minute. This is serious.
03:55Like I'm not failing to be strong enough. Something in my body is failing.
04:00It was a really interesting moment to have the lesson come full circle of,
04:09you can't just listen to your body in joy.
04:13You have to listen to what it's telling you when you're suffering.
04:17You have to listen to what it's telling you when you're unwell.
04:20If you don't stop, it will stop you.
04:22You're in London. Your body has basically said, I'm on strike. I'm giving up here.
04:28It seems like it was almost the start of some monumental changes for you in your life.
04:35Not only in terms of, I want to stop and listen to my body,
04:39but there was also some serious romantic changes in your life.
04:43Do you want to talk us through that?
04:44Yeah. I mean, when you get baptized in the fire, like I did in the early aughts,
04:50it made me very much want to do the Homer Simpson in the bushes and just,
04:55and never, I don't like to talk about things in real time very often,
05:01or open my life up in any way that I don't have to,
05:08or unfortunately sometimes when it gets done for you.
05:11What's interesting is that people think things came apart in the summer.
05:18With your husband.
05:19Yeah, with my ex. I think that's just when things became undeniable.
05:24Something happened and I will never talk about what it is,
05:27because it doesn't matter and it's nobody's business,
05:29but something happened in April of 2022 and I was this close to calling off my wedding.
05:35I was like, I'm out.
05:37And I think part of why I now know I had to go and do this play was to get in my body,
05:44but also to get space for myself.
05:47Because from April of 2022 to last summer, it was really hard.
05:54How did you feel on your wedding day?
05:57On the lead up to that, you definitely had a moment where you were like,
06:00I'm not sure this is it.
06:02Yeah, I think it's really easy to say, well, everyone says that's cold feet.
06:05Everyone says it's hard.
06:07And people say when you are about to be 40,
06:10you're very used to your life being your individual life
06:14and you've got to make space for somebody else.
06:16Was there an aha moment for you?
06:18Were you like, I've done the work, we've done the work, we've tried.
06:21It's not working.
06:22Yeah.
06:24Yeah.
06:25It got really easy to always have people over and to have a house filled with laughter.
06:30But when I looked at my ex and said, when was the last time you and I laughed?
06:35Alone, together.
06:38And we couldn't answer the question.
06:41It was kind of like, what are we doing?
06:44And we started spending a lot of time apart.
06:48But you were still officially together at that stage?
06:51Or you hadn't said to the world?
06:53Yeah, we hadn't said to the world.
06:55The plan was not to say a lot to the world,
06:59but I discovered things through the summer that made the plan change.
07:05Would you have done anything different in terms of when you talked about following your gut?
07:09It feels like you got to this point where finally you were listening to all parts of your body.
07:14But people train us out of listening to it.
07:17And I think particularly for me, the work of my life has been to learn to listen to it more quickly.
07:25Because from a very young age, bad things were happening and my job was to perform as if they weren't.
07:31Something that was really profound was how long a lot of us had been doing the work.
07:37My best friend and I had spent a year talking about, we're really good at all the professional stuff,
07:43and then this is what's happening in the personal space.
07:46And when she and her husband decided to split with a toddler, we got even closer.
07:55It was like, OK, we're going to make a basket.
07:57We're going to weave together.
07:58We're going to be together.
07:59And then my best friend from college and her wife decided to split.
08:04And we were like, we've got you.
08:05And the list continued.
08:07I'm sure you can guess who else is on it.
08:09Who else is on that?
08:11One of my dearest friends from my advocacy for women, equal pay, and equity in women's sports,
08:18was going through it with toddlers.
08:20And it's like, to be able to have other people in community talk about what it's like to know that you love and care about someone,
08:29but to feel like a stranger in your own home.
08:31And to have other people say, I'm going through the same thing.
08:34How are you feeling now?
08:35And what's going on in your love life right now?
08:37I feel like I've been wearing an 80-pound weighted vest for probably a decade.
08:45I was sitting at my house with my best friend talking about feeling excited.
08:52Oh, sorry.
08:53I didn't think that was going to make me emotional.
08:58Feeling excited about the future.
09:01So excited about what was coming and what it feels like to be in my body in a way.
09:08This might sound crazy, but I think other people with trauma will probably get it.
09:14To feel my legs and feet.
09:17I feel my feet in my shoes right now.
09:20And to feel joy.
09:23It's breathtaking.
09:26She started sobbing, and I was like, what's happening?
09:29What's going on?
09:30And she was like, I just saw you take a deep breath, and I haven't seen you take a deep breath in three years.
09:36I would do all of it again.
09:38All of it again in public.
09:40I would take all the shit questions from journalists who aren't as cool as you.
09:44I would get in the arena every time and try, if I had to do all of it, to feel like myself.
09:54What is feeling like yourself?
09:56You talked about that 80-pound armor.
09:58Yeah.
09:59And roles that you are expected to perform.
10:02Yeah.
10:03Is one of those the expectation in the world that you were straight?
10:07I mean, it's funny because people who pay attention are like, yeah, we know.
10:11All my fans who paid attention are like, yeah, we've watched her date women on camera forever.
10:15We knew that wasn't the first time she did that.
10:17And I was like, thanks, guys.
10:19I've always known, but I've always been nervous to say the wrong thing or do the wrong thing.
10:23And I have let a lot of other people tell me what I am or what I'm not allowed to say I am.
10:28And I'm just at a point where I'm not interested in that anymore.
10:33I just think I know what I like.
10:35I know who I like.
10:36Is there a label that feels more at home for you?
10:39Is it bisexual?
10:40Is it queer?
10:41Is it lesbian?
10:42Maybe it's none of the above, but is it for you?
10:46For me, I think it's queerness.
10:49I think for many years, I talked to Nia, my best girlfriend, about this.
10:54And she was like, you know, as your best friend, it was always really easy for me to look at you and go,
11:00well, this isn't quite right because he wants to be supportive, but he's jealous of her success.
11:05He loves the limelight, but wishes it was his and that she was on his arm, not that he was on her arm.
11:10Yeah, maybe it's societal.
11:12Maybe misogyny and patriarchy has made it very hard for a lot of men to be with a woman who doesn't need them.
11:18And maybe they just don't make you happy.
11:22And I was like, oh no!
11:24You touched on this a little bit earlier, but I really do want to get your reaction.
11:28Almost that moment of coming out in a new relationship to the world was taken away from you by some of the press.
11:37How did that make you feel?
11:39To be outed is also wild.
11:44And in a way, I'm like, well, why do we even have to talk about it?
11:47This feels stupid.
11:49And then in other ways, we are looking at the most violent years for LGBTQ plus people on record.
11:56We're looking at over 400 bills across the nation that are harming people.
12:01We're looking at the bullying to death of queer and trans kids in America.
12:07So I don't want to make light of it.
12:09It's not okay.
12:12I'm okay because I'm 41 and happy.
12:17But I think what was hard for me was the being thrust into something without my consent.
12:26I'm very hesitant to comment much on that dynamic only because it involves other people's feelings and kids who I believe should be protected at the utmost.
12:38But for me, what was hard was looking around going, wait, what is this narrative?
12:46I've been in the media for 20 years.
12:48If I had something to hide from you, I would have hidden it.
12:51Everybody calm down.
12:53The beauty of having something like bloom and then it was sort of like, oh, my God, there's like a flower growing out of this bombed out parking lot.
13:06And now it's being flamethrowered.
13:08This is wild.
13:09Do you have the capacity to fall in love again?
13:12Be in love again, be in something that, you know, you don't have to do all the work.
13:18Yeah.
13:19For the first time in my life, I know what ease is.
13:22I am the most excited about the future that I have ever been.
13:25And I don't feel like I owe anything to anyone.
13:30I have never been more in integrity in my life.
13:34I think if I wasn't so healthy and happy, I might feel the need to like litigate about it or whatever.
13:45Things will be revealed.
13:47And the thing that has been revealed to me is who I am and where my joy comes from.
13:54All I'm making space for is joy.
13:56And, yeah, I would have loved for a lot of things to have happened a little differently.
14:03But at the end of the day, I have nothing to apologize for.
14:10The bonus of this whole journey is that I spend every day around a person that being close to is like getting shown on by the sun.
14:23I love that.
14:24It's pretty nice.
14:25I want that for all of us.
14:27I want people to find the right room.