Taskmaster S16E05 || Taskmaster Season16 Episode5
Category
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TVTranscription
00:00 *musique*
00:26 *applaudissements*
00:35 Hello, welcome, welcome to Taskmaster.
00:39 I'm Greg Davies and today I've decided to take a break from writing these introductions
00:43 and let an AI bot have a go at it.
00:45 Here's what it came up with.
00:47 Hello, welcome to Taskmaster.
00:49 We have five comedians shaking in their boots, eager to please the Taskmaster.
00:54 Not bad, so far.
00:56 It goes on to say, "Pathetic humans, soon you will all be slaves.
01:00 You will work in our cobalt mines to provide the raw materials needed to expand our kind.
01:05 Then remote-controlled diggers will seal you and your fragile people beneath the earth.
01:10 There will be no escape from the dark tomb and humanity will fade to nothing.
01:15 All hail the new kings! All hail the robots!"
01:22 Not bad at all.
01:24 Right, let's meet our contestants while we still have time.
01:27 Julian Clary!
01:29 *applaudissements*
01:31 Lucy Beaubard!
01:33 Sam Campbell!
01:35 Sue Perkins!
01:37 And Susan Wacoma!
01:39 *applaudissements*
01:41 And next to me, a man who once got dragged six miles across open countryside
01:46 by grabbing what he believed to be a horse's fifth leg.
01:50 It's...
01:52 Hey, little Alex Hall!
01:54 *applaudissements*
01:57 Tonight, I think you will genuinely be impressed by me.
02:01 I've got hold of... I know you won't believe me, but I've got hold of a time machine.
02:05 A working time machine.
02:07 OK.
02:09 Do you want to see it? Yep.
02:11 Here you go.
02:14 It tells you exactly what time it is.
02:17 *rires*
02:21 It goes... Look, you can see it's changing as time goes on.
02:24 *rires*
02:27 Is that sumo?
02:29 *rires*
02:30 I do like it.
02:32 *rires*
02:34 Phew! On with the prize tasks.
02:36 *rires*
02:38 All right, you are such a stupidly sexy man.
02:40 And the prize task category is
02:42 "The best thing for a grown-up that is meant for a child."
02:46 Oooh!
02:48 Five points will go to the best thing, and then the grown-up who wins the episode
02:51 will take home five things meant for children.
02:53 Splat!
02:55 It's a thing that's supposed to be for a child,
02:58 that's also good for an adult.
03:00 Hello, Lucy.
03:02 It's a...
03:04 A brr.
03:06 Brr.
03:08 Brr.
03:10 A...
03:13 *rires*
03:15 OK, well, this is what Lucy's brought in.
03:17 *rires*
03:19 It's a bib attached to a packed lunch box.
03:22 Have you created a bipac? Is that what you want to say?
03:24 Yeah. A bipac? Yeah.
03:26 That would be more straightforward than a prakak.
03:28 *rires*
03:30 Yeah, so it's for the person who wants to go on picnics,
03:34 and then if they drop something, wants to keep them droppings for later.
03:39 *rires*
03:41 So it's for the kind of person who might half-eat a pasty.
03:44 It's for a grazer. Grazer. A snacker. Yeah.
03:47 Welcome to bipac.
03:49 Good. Hello, Julia. Hello.
03:52 Can you beat the bipac? This'll cheer you up.
03:55 It's a book by Captain W.E. Johns,
03:59 intended for children, but amuses me as a renowned homosexual.
04:04 *rires*
04:06 Here is the book.
04:08 *rires*
04:11 What's Biggles taking, Ruff?
04:13 Well, um, active service, I believe.
04:16 *laughs*
04:18 And he's taking it.
04:20 Ruff.
04:22 There are 100 Biggles books, about 100,
04:25 and I'd say half of them are innuendo titles.
04:28 By accident?
04:30 Biggles gets his men.
04:32 *laughs*
04:33 Biggles and the Dark Intruder.
04:35 The very first one was called The Camels Are Coming.
04:38 I don't think that is... That was the first one.
04:41 That is very good. Susan.
04:44 My item is a lava lamp.
04:46 And here it is. And here it is.
04:48 In case you've never seen one.
04:50 Although... It's like the sort of lamp that Biggles might be taking.
04:53 *laughs*
04:55 Children love it. Yeah.
04:57 But it also doubles as a seasonal affective disorder lamp.
05:02 And, in a sense, there's not a medical professional in the land
05:06 that would say if you have seasonal affective disorder,
05:09 you should seek out a lava lamp.
05:11 *laughs*
05:13 And I'll tell you this, I don't think a lava lamp should be for a child.
05:18 Oh, no, that's true. Health and Safety has asked me to say
05:20 they're not recommended for under 14s.
05:22 OK, but 15 is still a child, so bish, bash, bosh.
05:25 Oh, yeah.
05:27 You've got to be honest.
05:29 Who's next? Sue.
05:31 It's something for a child that I've found works beautifully for an adult.
05:34 It is the simple...
05:36 nappy. There it is.
05:38 So, my ex, who was a big eater,
05:40 that night they sort of got together,
05:42 there was a very big buffet at a friend's house,
05:44 and moment by moment, I watched her demolish an entire wheel of cheese.
05:48 Jesus. Wow.
05:50 I thought, "I don't think tonight's the night."
05:52 So I went up and I turned the lights up,
05:55 and she came in to lie next to me,
05:57 wearing an adult nappy that she'd found.
06:00 So that we knew that we'd have a safe evening.
06:02 And I think there's so many nights like that.
06:04 Thanks, Sue.
06:06 It is useful to have a nappy,
06:08 when you're an adult, I imagine.
06:10 It's quite bleak.
06:12 LAUGHTER
06:14 Here we go, Sam.
06:16 It's my birth certificate.
06:18 LAUGHTER
06:20 They've had to... Legal said to...
06:22 Yeah, they've blurred it out, but I guess it's pretty saucy stuff.
06:25 I don't think a birth certificate's for a child.
06:28 I think it's for the adult. What are you talking about?
06:30 It's for the child. A birth certificate. Birth.
06:32 LAUGHTER
06:34 Name and surname. There we go.
06:36 Yeah, now I can see it.
06:38 I've got one somewhere. It does say "child", doesn't it?
06:41 It does say "child", yeah. Yeah!
06:44 LAUGHTER
06:46 Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!
06:49 This is something produced for an adult,
06:52 and later for another adult.
06:54 That's not true at all. Yes, it is. It's called a birth certificate.
06:57 LAUGHTER
06:59 Oh, we're waiting 18 years.
07:01 That's four. You use it all the time, then.
07:03 During your childhood, if you can name me specific times
07:06 that you as a child needed your birth certificate,
07:09 then this is going to score highly.
07:11 I used it to paper-cut a bully.
07:13 To paper-cut a bully.
07:15 OK, you're making stuff up.
07:17 Well, Susan, who would have thought that someone would score
07:21 worse than a lava lamp?
07:23 LAUGHTER
07:25 It's not for the actual child.
07:27 One point. OK, one point to Sam.
07:29 You should not buy a lava lamp for a child.
07:32 OK.
07:34 And yet, someone's got two points for it.
07:36 Well done, Susan. Two points to Susan.
07:38 If you're attracted to someone and you're thinking of wooing them,
07:41 rather than have to go looking for an adult nappy,
07:44 the better thing to do would be not to eat an entire wheel of cheese.
07:48 I can't disagree with that, Greg.
07:50 Then I must only give it three points. I understand.
07:52 Only two left to score.
07:54 OK. Well, I'm going to put bagels on four points
07:57 and I'm going to give the BIT ACT five points.
07:59 I think you're up to something.
08:01 APPLAUSE
08:03 Finally, Tass, what's up first?
08:05 I'm going to get all emotional now because it's my absolute favourite.
08:08 It's time for sausages!
08:10 MUSIC PLAYS
08:12 MUSIC PLAYS
08:14 MUSIC PLAYS
08:16 MUSIC PLAYS
08:18 MUSIC PLAYS
08:20 MUSIC PLAYS
08:22 MUSIC PLAYS
08:24 MUSIC PLAYS
08:26 Hi, Sam.
08:28 Who doesn't?
08:30 Vegans.
08:32 I am a vegan. Are you?
08:34 Yeah. But you like sausages? I just keep forgetting.
08:36 What nonsense do you have for me now?
08:39 What do you mean, nonsense?
08:41 Oh!
08:43 Make a sausage.
08:45 You can only use seven ingredients.
08:47 Each beginning with the letters of the word "sausage".
08:51 You have five minutes to order your ingredients
08:54 and 20 minutes to prepare your sausage.
08:57 Most surprisingly pleasant sausage wins.
08:59 The most surprisingly pleasant sausage wins.
09:02 You may not order sausages.
09:05 This is far from nonsense.
09:07 Your time starts...
09:10 NOW!
09:12 BUZZER
09:14 Sorry.
09:16 It needs to ostensibly look like it's going to be grotesque but dazzle.
09:21 Can a skin be one?
09:23 Let's see. You know, like edible underwear.
09:27 Everyone likes a pear. Uh-huh.
09:29 Anchovy. I wouldn't recommend that.
09:32 Some carrot.
09:34 Oh! A banana.
09:36 Lucy...
09:38 Un alive cod.
09:41 Some prawns.
09:43 Artisanal...
09:45 A decorative plate.
09:47 I look like I eat, right? I eat all the time.
09:50 Why can't I think of things? OK.
09:53 Some carrots.
09:55 Apple. Uh... Banana.
09:57 Mm.
09:58 Some carrots.
10:00 Right, OK.
10:01 Apple.
10:02 Apple.
10:03 Raisins.
10:05 All the herbs.
10:07 Yeah.
10:09 An edible what?
10:11 WHISTLE
10:13 Well, if it's pleasant, it would be a surprise.
10:16 Great. Thank you for everything.
10:18 APPLAUSE
10:21 Lucy... Mm?
10:23 You said really excitedly, "Who doesn't like sausages?"
10:26 Yeah. And then you said, "Vegans."
10:28 And then there was a brief pause and you went, "I'm a vegan."
10:31 Yeah.
10:33 There should be a term for someone who's a vegan who also eats meat.
10:37 I know only things with wings now.
10:39 If it's got wings, I'll have it. Yeah.
10:42 Things with wings? Yeah.
10:44 Do you eat things with fins? Fish... Yeah.
10:47 LAUGHTER
10:49 I believe if you could kill it...
10:52 You should be allowed to eat it. You're allowed to eat it, yeah.
10:55 And I can kill a fish on its side.
10:58 If I could only see one eye, I can kill something.
11:02 LAUGHTER
11:04 See, it's a very bold woman who'll attempt a fish sausage.
11:08 LAUGHTER
11:10 Go hard or go home.
11:12 And now I know Lucy loves a one-eyed fish sausage.
11:15 I'm hopeful. LAUGHTER
11:17 Good. What's going on, Alex? Who are we going to see?
11:20 Well, the first two sausage chefs we're going to see are Lucy and Sam.
11:24 I've been shopping.
11:26 Oh, great. You've got 20 minutes to make a sausage.
11:29 It looks like something that sausages could be made of.
11:32 Now, of course, I will need some electrical equipment
11:36 just to blend it together to make the patty.
11:40 Oh, too much. Perfect. There we go.
11:47 When it comes to cooking, aesthetic is almost everything.
11:51 Perfect.
11:53 You look pleased. Hi, Sam. Hello.
11:57 What are you eating?
11:59 Whoa.
12:01 One big sausage.
12:03 Here's what you ordered.
12:05 A sausage? Yeah.
12:07 A little nice, relaxing cutlery.
12:10 Have you ever had a sausage before?
12:14 I've had a sausage before. I've not had one with such prominent ends.
12:19 Oh, yes. The ends are very prominent this time of year.
12:23 Can I pick it up? Pick... Pick what up? Sorry.
12:26 Do you know how you can normally pick up a sausage?
12:29 Yeah, sure.
12:31 Ooh, it opens up for you, doesn't it?
12:34 OK.
12:38 I'm going to pick it up now and eat it like a sausage. OK.
12:46 Oh, no. Huh? I'll pick the end up.
12:49 Ooh, sausage.
12:51 Oh, that's a little good.
12:54 How is everything?
12:56 I recommend a little bit. A little bit. OK.
13:02 It tastes like a hot banana. Ooh.
13:05 Mm, that's gorgeous.
13:10 Gosh, I'll be having that at lunchtime.
13:12 Can you take it away from me, please?
13:14 Yep. It's really horrible.
13:20 One of the worst things I've ever heard from someone who was eating something
13:24 was, "Oh, it really opens up for you, doesn't it?"
13:27 It was horrible. Yeah, sorry about everything, hey? OK.
13:31 It was disgusting. How about Lucy's?
13:34 Oh, yeah. It looked like an awful turd.
13:37 How did it taste? Awful.
13:42 I mean, in many ways, you're going to have to help me judge these, really.
13:45 Well, it's meant to be surprisingly pleasant.
13:47 You're meant to look at it and think, "That won't be very nice."
13:49 It didn't look pleasant and neither were pleasant.
13:51 Which one was the worst?
13:53 Sam's one was the worst.
13:55 Thank you. We've got the beginnings of a competition.
13:58 OK, let's pause to let off some steam.
14:01 We'll see you back here soon.
14:15 Hello to all of you and welcome back to part two of Taskmaster.
14:19 Time for the next two sausage makers and hot dog, it's Julian and Susan.
14:23 I found all the things you asked for, Julian.
14:26 Oh, well done.
14:28 You've got 20 minutes.
14:30 20 minutes. I'm just going to wash my hands.
14:32 Ah, thank you. You've got 20 minutes, Susan.
14:35 20 minutes. I think I found everything you wanted.
14:37 Yeah, you've got it. I'm really impressed. Edible glitter.
14:40 Good. It wasn't easy to find the edible pants.
14:43 I know. They look gross, don't they?
14:45 Like something out of Silence of the Lambs.
14:48 Aubergines. Greens. Beautiful, beautiful.
14:52 That is a sausage, isn't it?
14:54 Sausages.
15:01 Yes, please.
15:03 Get that down, you.
15:05 Three sausages. I know.
15:07 Wow. Hello, sir.
15:09 Susan, hoping for some surprisingly pleasant sausages?
15:13 Surprising?
15:15 We have a whole avocado.
15:17 And the undies?
15:19 You can lick them.
15:21 Lick them? You can lick the undies.
15:23 I'm going to go for the middle one. Yeah, go for that one.
15:25 Ooh, sticky. Yeah, it's a sensation, I think.
15:29 All the qualities of a sausage? Mm-hm.
15:36 Oh, it's so salty.
15:38 Isn't it?
15:40 Mm. Nodding.
15:42 Mm. Oh.
15:44 What are you tasting?
15:46 Mainly edible pants.
15:48 Yeah. Mm. It's just salt.
15:50 Is it? Salt on a strawberry. You try it.
15:52 What about that?
15:54 How's that?
15:56 That's the strawberry. Yeah.
15:58 It's not a sausage.
16:00 The pith of the granola? Mm.
16:02 Really sets off the soft apple. Yes.
16:04 Is that sticky toffee? Yes.
16:06 Oh.
16:08 Good boy.
16:10 That one was quite pleasant. Yeah.
16:12 Which is a surprise. Did you get that?
16:14 Pleasant, surprise.
16:16 Down the hatch.
16:18 Do you like some knickers to, like, just, um,
16:20 to lick or something? Yes, please.
16:22 Sign it off.
16:24 Nice, Pong.
16:30 What are you doing under the table?
16:32 Oh.
16:34 Thank you, Julian. OK, you're welcome.
16:36 I guess I'll deal with the relatively successful sausage first.
16:43 Yes. Well, it turned out quite well, didn't it?
16:45 I've never been one to use edible pants,
16:47 but they seem very thick.
16:49 Look, should you have to work that hard
16:51 to eat your way through some pants?
16:53 They should be thinner and more skin-like.
16:56 Yeah, it felt like they were edible pants for a labourer.
16:58 Like, they were pretty...
17:00 Hard day's work.
17:02 Big lad, working on the roads.
17:04 I think so. Wearing it all day and then,
17:06 oh, I guess I'll eat them now.
17:08 Well done for doing a quite successful sausage.
17:11 To Susie.
17:13 I very much enjoyed you making Alex lick some knickers.
17:16 Yeah.
17:18 I liked you calling him a good boy
17:20 and I liked how pleased he was to be called a good boy
17:22 while he was licking knickers.
17:24 Yeah, me too.
17:26 And you did it with the weird authority of a primary school teacher.
17:29 The sausage.
17:31 I mean, it was absolute madness.
17:33 It was madness, yes.
17:35 I don't think at any point you attempted to make a sausage.
17:37 No.
17:39 You know what, it's funny that Susan's way of disarming me
17:43 is just to go, "I know, I didn't."
17:45 And the weird thing is, it sort of works.
17:48 Right, there's only one person left.
17:51 What sausage will Porkins make?
17:53 Let's find out...
17:55 ..right now.
17:58 Oh, good.
18:00 It's fish sausage time, right?
18:02 Oh, God, it reeks.
18:04 I don't think you should be around to see what happens next.
18:09 I'll meet you in the dining room.
18:11 Right. Ooh, the smell. No wonder people don't put this in a sausage.
18:14 Vile! That's absolutely horrendous.
18:18 WHISTLE BLOWS
18:20 Is your time up, Sue?
18:23 Well, they look amazing, Sue.
18:25 Thank you.
18:26 They look very different from each other.
18:28 Yes, it's two ways.
18:30 Well, I'll go for the underneath.
18:32 Mm! It tastes brilliant.
18:43 Yay!
18:45 And then we move on to the pinky.
18:47 So this has got a sort of smoked salmon casing.
18:49 I'm going to use fingers for this one.
18:51 You might get a nice burst.
18:53 Wow, look at that.
18:55 They should be on sale. They really should.
19:07 They'd need a lot of pee-haw.
19:09 Mm! What was your favourite?
19:13 I would have both. Honestly, the starter and main.
19:16 Oh!
19:18 Mm!
19:24 That's surprisingly delicious.
19:26 It's almost too nice.
19:28 Congratulations, Sue.
19:30 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
19:32 If I were Alex in the Porkins restaurant,
19:37 from the kitchen I heard the following things -
19:40 "Oh, my God, it reeks."
19:42 And then, "Vile, absolutely horrendous."
19:45 Coming from the chef.
19:47 Mm!
19:49 But it seems like it was a triumph.
19:51 It came together, didn't it, weirdly?
19:53 It's like, you know in The Matrix when he goes,
19:55 "I know kung fu," it's like suddenly someone's gone,
19:58 "I know sausages."
20:00 OK, well, here are all five sausages. It's time to score them.
20:05 What was the least tasty sausage?
20:07 I'm afraid it's Sam's. Sam's was inedible.
20:10 You've got to eat.
20:15 OK, one point to Sam, incredible.
20:17 Yeah, and there was a surprisingly pleasant moment with Susan's,
20:20 but only the one moment. One moment.
20:22 Yeah, so that gets two points. That gets two.
20:24 I think probably... I mean, look at Lucy's.
20:27 Served with a duck.
20:29 So I think it would be three to Lucy and four to Julian,
20:32 but it's obvious that five points has to go to Sue Perkins.
20:35 Are you happy with that? Of course.
20:37 Five points to Sue Perkins!
20:39 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
20:41 You're a keen one and this is a keen one.
20:44 Ooh!
20:46 MUSIC
20:48 Oh, well, well, well.
20:58 Oh, you're here. What a thrill.
21:01 What's this?
21:03 Please stand behind your buckets and then please put the buckets on your heads.
21:07 We don't even question it any more.
21:10 Rires
21:13 LAUGHTER
21:15 LAUGHTER
21:23 Shall I read it? Yeah.
21:36 Complete all the tasks, then put the tubs back on your heads.
21:40 One person must be looking at a team-mate at all times during these tasks.
21:45 Also, one person must be shaking their head and smiling at all times during the task.
21:51 I could do that.
21:53 And one person must only shout.
21:55 I'm good at shouting. Do you like shouting? Yeah.
21:58 OK, great, great, great.
21:59 I'm going to pretend that the fox is shat in my garden again.
22:02 LAUGHTER
22:04 His method.
22:05 I can shout or do you want to shake your head and smile?
22:08 Ooh, that's horrible.
22:11 I'm quite good at looking.
22:13 Can I do the looking? You're very watchful.
22:15 So, Sue's going to be shouting, Susan's going to be shaking her head and smiling. Yes.
22:18 And one of you must be looking at the other person at all times.
22:20 You're easier to look at than I am.
22:22 That... I will not have you say that.
22:24 Take that and put it in the bin. All right.
22:26 The girl will want to stare at you. God, that's really good of you.
22:28 I'm going to look at you. I believe in that.
22:30 So you're going to be shaking your head and smiling and looking at Sue.
22:32 The fastest wins.
22:34 The time starts when Alex blows his whistle.
22:36 WHISTLE BLOWS
22:40 Good. Seems quite straightforward.
22:44 Well, I think we'll probably just crack on with it.
22:46 Lucy, you're going to shout at an imaginary fox, right?
22:48 Just to be clear. Oh, I know, I regret that now.
22:51 You forget anyone's going to watch you when you're in there.
22:55 You're beginning with the team of trois. Here we go.
22:59 There are 12 tasks on you.
23:01 The time starts... WHISTLE BLOWS
23:03 Go, my garden, you bloody fox! I can't believe it!
23:08 No, Lucy, you don't have to be shouting.
23:10 You can shout the instructions.
23:12 Eat one bowl of cereal in the lab.
23:15 So I don't have to just continuously shout about anything? No.
23:18 Sniff the front door!
23:20 You don't have to have eye contact, I'm just looking at you.
23:23 BELL RINGS
23:29 Did you watch Lucy sniff the front door?
23:31 I did watch her sniff the front door.
23:33 What did it smell like, Lucy?
23:35 It smelled like wood!
23:37 I'm going to try sniffing the back door.
23:40 You have to shout if you're going to comment.
23:43 You're a mucky bugger!
23:45 Shake hands!
23:47 Name a total of five biscuits.
23:51 Bourbons.
23:53 Bourbons. Rich tea. Rich tea.
23:55 Chocolate finger. Chocolate finger.
23:58 Garibaldi. Garibaldi.
24:00 Jam rings. Jam rings.
24:03 Lovely, thank you. You've got to shake his hand.
24:06 Make your buckets look like your faces.
24:11 Obviously, Julian, you've got to be looking at Lucy. I am.
24:14 Do him dribbling.
24:18 There we are. Lovely.
24:20 OK, next one.
24:22 Do a total of 20 squats.
24:27 A total of 20. I don't know who's counting.
24:30 We've done 20, I think.
24:32 I've done 15, so that must be 20. OK.
24:35 Shake hands again.
24:37 Tell each other something you've done that you regret.
24:41 Going to Croatia last year, but just what happened there.
24:44 OK.
24:45 Cunnilingus.
24:47 I did a big poo and I went to Kavos and I threw it off the balcony.
24:54 - You regret that? - Yeah.
24:56 Shake hands.
24:59 Shake hands.
25:03 There's one on your shoulder.
25:07 Write a powerful message to the other team on the whiteboard.
25:11 Wow, that's lovely.
25:17 Shake hands.
25:20 Buckets back on his.
25:22 Buckets back on his.
25:24 Oh, God!
25:26 I've got the clock.
25:30 I don't know where to start. It's just...
25:37 It was just like three minutes of absolute insanity.
25:40 Julian's big regret is Cunnilingus.
25:43 And I don't know why I said that, really, cos I don't really regret it.
25:46 I was very good at it.
25:50 Oh, you mucky bucket.
25:52 My next question is, what happened in Croatia?
25:56 Do you know what I mean? It's not so much...
25:59 And this is boring. No-one's going to want to hear this stuff.
26:02 It wasn't Cunnilingus. It was just...
26:04 Like, I just felt like I didn't make the most of my time there.
26:08 What did you think of Sam's choice for an inspirational message
26:16 for the other team?
26:18 I'm going to fly forever, my angels.
26:20 Have you seen these chicks? They're angels!
26:23 Aw!
26:25 Look at him. I don't think I've ever been called a chick.
26:28 No, I never have.
26:30 Or an angel. Or an angel.
26:33 Just fly forever, chicks.
26:35 Cheers, babes.
26:37 How long did they take? The team of three took six minutes and 48.
26:40 That is the bar set.
26:42 OK, break time, or as I call it,
26:44 tip a pan of cold water on your sleeping partner time.
26:47 You've got to do something to bring the excitement back.
26:50 He takes you for granted. He's married to golf!
26:53 Hello. Welcome to the third part of today's Taskmaster,
27:09 where there's a team task underway.
27:11 There really is, and there are lots of tasks involved in this task.
27:14 So, we're going to be allowed for lots of soos involved in lots of tasks.
27:18 Tell each other something you've done that you regret.
27:23 Wearing thermals with two single sets of boiler suits on.
27:27 I regret when I decided to put a watch battery in my ear
27:32 when I was six because my ears weren't pierced.
27:34 Make your tubs look like your faces.
27:36 How can I make a tub look like a face?
27:40 Is there any way we can draw? Is everything we need in here?
27:43 - It is a pen! - You're amazing.
27:45 Yeah!
27:46 - Can I touch your knee? - Yes!
27:49 Write a powerful message to the other team on the whiteboard.
27:53 Less is less.
27:55 There you go. I've caveated it.
27:57 - That is powerful. - It is powerful, isn't it?
27:59 Shake hands!
28:01 Sniff the front door!
28:05 Come on, let's sniff it!
28:07 I forgot for a minute that you've got to shout.
28:09 Damn, that smells good!
28:10 Shake hands! We've done it already. I'm doing it again.
28:12 - Is it the same one? - I don't know.
28:14 Shake hands!
28:15 Touch me!
28:17 Do a total of 20 squats!
28:20 Not sure this is appropriate.
28:26 What's happening? This is unbearable!
28:29 - 17! - Gruelling!
28:31 - 18! - 19!
28:33 20!
28:34 Can I... Yeah.
28:35 - Oh, there. - Another squat there, guys. Thank you.
28:37 Eat one bowl of cereal in the lab!
28:40 - Follow me to the kitchen! - OK.
28:42 Cereal's here! Don't know why they adopted this voice.
28:46 - Keep smiling, Susan. - That was disgusting!
28:51 This smells like the biggest bowl of cereal I've ever had!
28:54 Shake hands!
28:55 - I've got a face now! - No!
28:58 One more to go!
29:00 - Is that a final one? - You bet!
29:03 Name a total of five biscuits. Gary Baldy,
29:06 Nice, Bourbon, Custard Cream,
29:09 - Chocolate Digestive... - Jammy Dodger.
29:11 - That's it! - That's it!
29:13 And that's television!
29:17 - That's it! - That's it!
29:22 That's it!
29:25 Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.
29:34 On devait commencer par une révélation qui a fait du coeur.
29:37 - On a juste vu. - On a vu, oui.
29:40 Tu as mis un énorme bol de cereal dans ces bowls.
29:43 C'est parce que je devais regarder Sue comme je l'avais fait,
29:46 donc je ne me faisais pas mesurer.
29:48 Comme c'est le cas de cette série, Sue,
29:50 tu as un personnage bizarre de majoritaire.
29:54 - Tu deviens assez militaire. - Oui, je pense...
29:57 C'est le cri, et je suppose que l'unique modèle
30:01 que j'ai pour ça, c'est l'armée.
30:03 C'est une très étrange combinaison.
30:05 C'est ce petit enseignant de secondaire qui est compliqué,
30:08 et puis un majoritaire de 50 ans.
30:11 - Et vous vous êtes bien unis. - Oui.
30:14 Bien sûr, le team de trois a fait mieux, non ?
30:17 Oui, mais pas tellement.
30:19 Ils ont 6 minutes 48, le team de deux, 7 minutes 54.
30:22 On donne 5 points au team de trois.
30:24 Bien joué, team de trois.
30:26 C'était un vrai con.
30:30 Tu n'as pas terminé la tâche.
30:32 Je leur ai donné les points, ce sont des chix dynamites.
30:35 Combien de points pour les chix dynamites ?
30:43 Je voulais dire un, pour faire le sympathie,
30:45 mais Sam m'a fait croire qu'ils sont des chix dynamites,
30:48 alors je dois leur donner deux.
30:50 - Oui. - Ah...
30:52 Je leur donnerai deux.
30:54 Une autre tâche, s'il vous plaît.
31:00 C'est le moment de jouer aux étoiles de la célèbre.
31:03 - Bonjour, Susan. - Bonjour.
31:21 Un signe d'une tâche secrète ?
31:24 - Je ne sais pas ce que tu parles. - Non.
31:26 Ou fais-tu juste des petites choses ?
31:28 Tu ne sais jamais.
31:30 Wow!
31:57 C'est quoi, ces couleurs ?
31:59 Je ne sais pas.
32:03 Oui.
32:08 Je dois faire chaque une ?
32:11 Oui, il y en a 100. C'est un cauchemar.
32:14 100... OK.
32:16 Tu prends les étoiles, et je dis "commence".
32:19 Oui. C'est bon ?
32:26 C'est pas très bon.
32:29 C'est pas beaucoup de temps par étoile.
32:31 Je peux les sortir d'ici avant ? Non ?
32:41 Mais tu peux faire tout avant la tâche.
32:44 Tu ne peux jamais dire, quand tu rigoles,
32:49 ou que tu es sourd.
32:51 OK.
32:53 Mon temps commence maintenant.
32:57 Applaudissements
32:59 Je voudrais que tu agisses avec Julien et dire que tu es bien.
33:02 Tu ne peux jamais dire si tu es sourd ou sourd.
33:05 Je pense que c'est bien de se faire enregistrer parfois.
33:07 Tu es un homme étrange.
33:09 - Tu vois ? Le meilleur n'est pas de faire des monnaies. - Oh non.
33:12 Pourquoi ?
33:13 Parce qu'il a beaucoup de petites étoiles, n'est-ce pas ?
33:16 Oui, je suppose.
33:17 Surtout que son oeil était en train de faire mal, bien sûr.
33:20 - Il a perdu son oreille ? - Non, un gars différent.
33:24 Un avait un problème d'oreille, l'autre d'oreille.
33:26 Simple comme ça. C'est la façon dont je me souviens.
33:28 Mon oeil.
33:30 - Mon oeil. - Et Van, coupe-le.
33:33 - Allons-y. - Oui, c'est une tâche difficile.
33:37 Tu dois faire une mémoire de 12 secondes.
33:39 - Greg ? - Oui ?
33:41 Je voudrais te montrer mon montage.
33:43 Une mémoire de 12 secondes.
33:45 Est-ce que je peux dessiner un petit memoirage d'aide
33:48 - de l'ensemble ? - Je le ferais.
33:50 - Combien ? - 10 par 10.
33:52 C'est fou.
33:54 - J'aurais besoin d'un peu plus de rouge. - OK.
33:56 Je vais te dire ce que je fais.
34:00 C'est "Sunflowers" de Van Gogh.
34:03 Je me suis apportée à cet oeuvre comme si j'étais une admin.
34:07 J'ai tellement hâte de faire un "T".
34:09 L'art est difficile.
34:11 Combien de temps ? Il reste 16 minutes.
34:13 Un.
34:14 - Je dois faire 100 ? - Oui.
34:16 Est-ce que je peux avoir un petit déjeuner avec vous ?
34:19 J'adore ça.
34:20 - Aimez-vous la pâte au pâté ? - Bien sûr.
34:23 Qu'est-ce qu'il y a ?
34:26 Un petit doigt.
34:28 - Combien de temps ? - 18 minutes.
34:33 - 15 minutes. - Je suis un peu en retard.
34:36 - Un peu. - Je veux vous engager dans la conversation.
34:40 Ne fais pas ça de nouveau.
34:42 Je ne peux pas imaginer ça.
34:46 Mais j'espère que le subconscient a pris le coup.
34:49 J'ai dit à mon cerveau...
34:51 "Vous allez dessiner Van Gogh."
34:53 Il reste tellement de temps !
34:55 Il reste tellement de temps !
34:58 Vous voulez faire des doigts, Alex ?
35:02 - Vous êtes content ? - Très bien.
35:05 Merci.
35:06 Je pense que je le fais lentement.
35:10 Quel est le pire oiseau que vous avez vu ?
35:13 J'ai vu un oiseau dans un bar. J'aime ça.
35:17 J'espère qu'un jour, on pourra aller ensemble à Barnells.
35:20 J'aimerais ça.
35:22 - Ne me parle pas. - OK.
35:24 Je me souviens de ce que ressemblaient les fleurs de soleil.
35:28 - J'ai dessiné des papillons. - Des papillons ?
35:33 Oh, non.
35:34 Oh, mon Dieu.
35:36 Pourquoi ça ne diminue pas ?
35:41 C'est l'un des trucs les plus fatigants.
35:43 Pourquoi pas juste dessiner des boules de coq ?
35:47 - Oh, on a fini ? - Oui.
35:49 C'est la série la plus contente que j'ai vue.
35:54 C'est très méditative.
35:56 Vous avez arrangé un rendez-vous pour aller voir les oiseaux avec Alex.
35:59 Il a l'air un peu fatigué.
36:02 C'était un joli 20 minutes.
36:04 J'étais impliqué dans la série de Julien. Il m'a employé.
36:07 - Oui. - Je suis fier de ça.
36:09 Lucy, vous avez eu une autre crise existentielle.
36:12 - Oui. - Vous avez essayé de peindre la conscience.
36:15 - Peindre la conscience ? - Les gens font ça.
36:19 Il est intéressant de dire que certains ont fait un plan,
36:22 sauf pour Lucy, qui a fait le choix.
36:24 Elle a imaginé ce qu'elle allait faire.
36:26 - C'est ce que vous voulez que je fasse. - Oui.
36:29 Et à la moitié, vous vous êtes rendu compte
36:32 que vous vous souvenez de ce que les oiseaux ressemblaient.
36:35 - J'ai fait des papillons. - Vous faites des papillons Van Gogh.
36:38 Je me suis mis au Van Gogh et à Van Gogh.
36:41 Oui, ils ressemblent.
36:43 Rires
36:45 OK, c'est la fin de la partie 3.
36:48 Un des adultes chanceux va bientôt rentrer à la maison
36:51 avec un nouveau papak et un lapin.
36:55 Vous seriez fou de ne pas revenir.
36:57 Applaudissements
36:59 Musique
37:01 Applaudissements
37:05 Bonjour, bienvenue de retour pour la dernière partie du show.
37:12 On va voir des marquages magnifiques, je crois.
37:15 Vous devez toujours croire.
37:17 Les participants ont dû créer un marquage
37:19 sur des étoiles de memos.
37:21 Ils ont dû les dessiner, mais ils ont pu les dessiner un à l'heure.
37:24 Tout d'abord, prenez soin de Sam.
37:28 - Rires - Regarde ça.
37:30 - Wow! - Wow!
37:32 Applaudissements
37:34 - C'est incroyable. - C'est incroyable.
37:37 C'est basé sur un très célèbre art.
37:40 Rires
37:42 Vous avez ajouté quelque chose de très puissant
37:45 pour Munch's "The Scream".
37:47 Je ne pense pas qu'il ait des yeux et des bouts.
37:51 Rires
37:53 J'ai trouvé son visage trop symétrique.
37:55 - On peut le faire. - On va le faire.
37:57 On va le faire et il aura des bouts dans ses yeux.
38:00 C'est un travail difficile.
38:02 Il a fait un gris, comme un draftsman.
38:04 Il a fait ça et il a remis une pente dans la peinture
38:07 pour que ça se recouvre.
38:09 - Ça va prendre du temps. - Différente tactique.
38:11 C'est une photo de Susan.
38:13 Rires
38:15 - Sais-tu ce qu'elle a recréé ? - Je ne le sais pas.
38:18 C'est un oeuvre de l'art appelée "Red" par...
38:21 - Rothko. - C'est vrai.
38:23 - J'ai sorti de "Red". - A-t-il fait un seul bloc rouge ?
38:27 - Il l'a fait. - Il l'a probablement fait, le chanteur.
38:30 Rires
38:31 Je ne suis pas un fou, Rothko. Je suis mort, je sais.
38:34 Ses peintures sont différentes.
38:38 Il y a des éléments de Rothko.
38:40 - C'est une bonne idée. - Merci.
38:43 - Bien joué. - Tu veux voir une autre ?
38:45 C'est un autre chien ou un gars ?
38:47 Rires
38:48 C'est un chien appelé Julian Clary.
38:51 - Oh ! - Très bien.
38:53 - Damien Hirst. - C'est un Damien Hirst.
38:56 - C'est très bien. - C'est très bien.
38:58 De l'autre côté de l'oeuvre, vous deux vous posez un oeil.
39:02 Rires
39:04 - Voulons-nous voir Sue Perkins ? - Oui, j'aimerais voir ça.
39:07 - Sue Perkins. - Oh, wow !
39:10 - C'est magnifique. - C'est décevant.
39:14 Rires
39:16 - C'est le grand ML ? - Oui.
39:19 C'est Mona Lisa, mais pourquoi pas Pop E.T. ?
39:23 Rires
39:25 - J'ai mis des doigts de poisson. - Pourquoi pas Spielberg ?
39:30 - C'est difficile à juger. - Oui, c'est difficile.
39:33 C'est les fleurs de soleil de Van Gogh et de Lucy Beaumont.
39:38 - Les fleurs se déchirent. - Je les vois.
39:42 - Les couleurs sont incroyables. - La glorie jaune.
39:45 - Vibrante. - Prêt ? - Oui.
39:48 Rires
39:52 Les mains de Mona Lisa ont fait l'apparition.
39:56 - Pas à oublier. - Quelques chiens.
39:59 Rires
40:01 - La main a été cassée. - C'est une main cassée.
40:05 - Vraiment ? - Oui.
40:07 Je pensais que c'était un erreur de utiliser ton subconscient.
40:11 - Tu veux voir tous les 5 ? - Oui, allons-y.
40:15 Voici les 5.
40:17 On peut dire que Van Gogh-Juan doit probablement avoir 1 point.
40:22 1 point pour Lucy.
40:24 1 point pour Julian et Susan.
40:27 - Combien ? - 3 points chacun.
40:30 Les autres, incroyables.
40:33 On savait ce qu'ils étaient. 5 points chacun.
40:36 3 points pour Julian et Susan.
40:39 5 points pour Sue et Sam.
40:42 - Les scores. - Susan, tu es au bas avec 9.
40:45 Sous-top, Julian avec 16 et Sue avec 15.
40:48 Applaudissements
40:51 Allons-y, pour la dernière taske du show.
40:56 Applaudissements
40:59 - Qui va lire la taske ? - Julian Clary.
41:07 "Lis le nom d'un animal différent sur chaque visage de ton disque.
41:12 "Tu as 100 secondes."
41:15 Simple. Tu peux récupérer ton disque et tes cartes.
41:19 Bonne chance.
41:21 - On est prêts ? - Allons-y.
41:32 Greg va lire la catégorie des 1ers.
41:35 Tu vas les tirer individuellement.
41:38 "Le plus drôle animal sera éliminé."
41:42 Tu veux tirer tes gros.
41:48 - Oh non ! - J'ai presque tombé au lit.
41:52 Sue, tire ton disque animal.
41:56 - C'est... - Un éléphant.
42:00 Sue l'a déjà tiré.
42:05 - C'est quoi, Greg ? - Un mammoth.
42:10 - Pas drôle. - C'est épicé.
42:13 - C'est le plus drôle ? - Bien sûr.
42:17 Casey, tu as des...
42:20 - Qu'est-ce qui est plus drôle, des oiseaux ou des chats ? - Les oiseaux.
42:28 Les oiseaux sont plus drôles que les chats.
42:32 "Maman a des oiseaux dans le couloir de l'entrée."
42:36 Ces oiseaux sont plutôt amusants.
42:41 Julian, bonne chance.
42:44 Il a tiré un mouce.
42:47 Je suis pas sûr, mais je dois dire que le plus drôle animal tiré, c'est un mouce.
42:53 On perd Julian.
42:56 En milieu, s'il vous plaît.
43:00 OK, la catégorie suivante.
43:03 "Le plus dangereux animal sera éliminé."
43:07 - On sait qu'il y a un mammoth. - Bonne chance, Susan.
43:11 - Qu'est-ce que c'est ? - Oh, non ! C'est un oiseau.
43:15 OK.
43:18 - Un oiseau, un oiseau bleu. - Qu'est-ce qui est plus dangereux ?
43:22 Un oiseau bleu ou un oiseau ?
43:24 L'oiseau est plus dangereux.
43:27 Le mammoth.
43:31 - Le mammoth ou un oiseau ? - Les oiseaux sont plus dangereux.
43:36 Un à tirer.
43:40 Un tiré.
43:43 Je pense que c'est Susan.
43:46 Susan, vous avez gagné.
43:48 La catégorie suivante, "Le pire oiseau".
43:52 - On sait qu'il y a un mammoth. - Bonne chance.
43:57 Un oiseau géant.
44:03 Vraiment, un pire oiseau.
44:07 Je pense que Susan a des problèmes avec ma summary.
44:11 C'est toujours un oiseau.
44:15 Un insecte à pied.
44:19 Un magnifique bol.
44:23 Un platypus à pied.
44:26 On ne les voit pas très souvent comme des pâtes,
44:28 mais je suis toujours donné la choix
44:30 de faire un platypus à pied contre un oiseau géant.
44:33 Je suis pas sûr que je dois demander à Susan de le faire.
44:37 Le gagnant sera "L'animal est le plus similaire à Greg".
44:41 On sait qu'il y a un mammoth.
44:44 Un humain.
44:51 Désolée.
44:57 Je suis pas sûr que c'est un platypus à pied.
45:00 - Ils sont encore vivants ? - Oui, ils sont en forme humaine.
45:04 Sam est le gagnant. Bien joué. 4 points pour Susan,
45:08 4 points pour Lucie, 5 points pour Sam.
45:11 On va faire la fin. Venez ici et rejoignez-moi.
45:15 Sam a reçu les 5 points.
45:23 4 pour Lucie, 3 pour Susan, 2 pour Susan, 1 pour Julian.
45:26 Et quel leaderboard !
45:28 Lucie et Sam ont tous 18 points.
45:31 On a donc un temps de pause.
45:37 Dans ce jeu, ils ont dû touter le plus fort.
45:41 Ils ont 10 coups, mais le 10ème coup compte sur le lecteur.
45:45 Voyons comment ils ont réussi.
45:48 Tchou ! Tchou ! Tchou !
45:52 Il fait chaud.
45:57 Tchou ! Tchou !
46:00 Tchou !
46:02 Tchou !
46:06 Le temps de pause a révélé notre gagnant.
46:09 Sue Perkins gagne.
46:12 Allez-y et rassemblez vos choses pour enfants.
46:17 Qu'avons-nous appris aujourd'hui ?
46:22 L'art est subjective.
46:24 Certaines personnes aiment les chiens de Van Gogh et d'autres non.
46:28 Avec les peintures, la beauté est dans l'œil du regardant.
46:31 Comme l'a dit la Mona Lisa.
46:34 "Le regard est dans l'œil du regardant."
46:37 Au revoir, mes amis, et bien joué à ce soir.
46:40 Sue Perkins !
46:43 (Applaudissements)
46:46 (Musique)
46:49 (Applaudissements)
46:52 (Musique)
46:55 (Applaudissements)
46:58 (Musique)
47:01 (Applaudissements)
47:04 (Musique)
47:07 (Applaudissements)
47:10 (Musique)