Tom Segura Talks His Obsession W/ College Football & What Pisses Him Off The Most About Bert Kreischer

Bussin' With The Boys

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Will Compton | Bussin' With The Boys

Transcript

00:00:00 - We're rolling, boys.

00:00:02 - Ladies and gentlemen.

00:00:04 - Welcome to yet another episode of Bustin' with the Boys.

00:00:09 Episode 233.

00:00:11 We're just out here doing them, boys.

00:00:12 We're just out here fucking hitting pods

00:00:14 once a week right now.

00:00:15 Listen, summer is here and what better way

00:00:17 to take advantage of all it has to offer

00:00:18 than with a Chevy Silverado.

00:00:20 Silverado summer, think of all the possibilities

00:00:22 from off-road adventures to DIY projects and hardcore work.

00:00:26 Silverado has the capability and technology

00:00:28 to make this summer the best one ever.

00:00:31 With nine different Silverado models to choose from

00:00:34 and engines that range from the powerful Turbo Max

00:00:36 to the 6.2 liter V8 and the Duramax Diesel.

00:00:40 You can count on Chevy power and performance

00:00:44 to get anything done.

00:00:45 Like many of you, we've been hitting the road a lot lately

00:00:47 and it seems like everywhere we go,

00:00:49 there's an army of Silverados and Silverado owners.

00:00:52 Shout out to all of you, game recognized game.

00:00:54 Head over to chevy.com to check,

00:00:56 head out, head, well, head over to chevy.com

00:01:00 and check out Silverado and all the Chevy trucks,

00:01:03 the official trucks of Bustin' with the Boys.

00:01:06 - Hey, if the Chevy Silverado was a haircut,

00:01:09 it might be Taylor's. - Come on, I'm telling you.

00:01:11 I was about to say it too. - Come on, dog.

00:01:13 - A couple slip ups, but overall,

00:01:14 like it felt like your reading was way.

00:01:16 - Yeah, but we also shot that ad last week

00:01:19 and essentially that ad was what we did.

00:01:21 - No, no, no, that's, accept the compliment, brother.

00:01:23 - Yeah, you're right. - And I think it's because

00:01:24 you cut the mullet off.

00:01:25 Mullet might've made you dumber.

00:01:26 - Maybe. - You know what I think

00:01:28 it is too?

00:01:28 I gotta give a big quick shout out to PAW Patrol.

00:01:30 Well, there's some five minute stories in there.

00:01:32 I read the five minute stories in like 12 minutes,

00:01:34 but I've been reading to my daughters.

00:01:36 Sky's out here flying a helicopter

00:01:38 and a whole bunch of stuff, so, you know,

00:01:40 PAW Patrol's got me working out here.

00:01:42 PAW Patrol's got my ass working.

00:01:43 - I'll tell you what, it looks,

00:01:45 I mean, that was a great move.

00:01:46 That was a great move.

00:01:47 I liked the mullet for a bit of time,

00:01:49 but I think it had ran its course

00:01:52 and you show me the before and after and it is.

00:01:55 - Yeah, our weekend. - It's night and day.

00:01:57 - The reaction of you watching those two videos

00:02:00 was it looked like your mind literally was blown.

00:02:02 You were, "Whoa, hey, play it back."

00:02:05 I was like, "Hey, it's just a haircut."

00:02:06 - Yeah, we were, yeah.

00:02:08 - But I do appreciate it.

00:02:09 The boys, I mean, my birthday was essentially

00:02:11 me hanging out with my kids and then late in the afternoon,

00:02:14 Will and his family came over and his family left

00:02:16 and then me and Will just got banged the fuck up.

00:02:18 - Yeah. - And got into a weird,

00:02:21 we hit some fucking Twilight Zone type shit.

00:02:23 - It was amazing.

00:02:24 - It was so amazing.

00:02:25 We, at one point, Ted was like, "Oh, we gotta go.

00:02:27 "We gotta go take care of the goats."

00:02:30 So we're walking up the driveway

00:02:32 and we're talking, we're in something.

00:02:35 You know, you're playing the circle game.

00:02:37 You're figuring something out.

00:02:37 We stop and I was like, "We have to have a hug right here."

00:02:41 - Bro, in the middle of the dark driveway,

00:02:45 he goes, "We gotta have a hug right now."

00:02:47 - 11 p.m. - And literally,

00:02:49 I'm thinking to myself, "That's exactly what we gotta do.

00:02:51 "That is 100% what needs to happen right now."

00:02:54 - Big embrace hug where you literally

00:02:55 pull your scaps apart and try to wrap as much as you can

00:02:58 around the individual.

00:02:59 - Yeah. - Fucking hands spread

00:03:01 as far apart as possible to let them know,

00:03:03 "Hey, we're both safe right now."

00:03:04 - Yeah. - Dog, it was a magical night.

00:03:07 - I was like, "This is gonna be one of those nights

00:03:08 "like we're like 70 and old and we're gonna look back

00:03:11 "and this is gonna be in our memory."

00:03:13 And I go, "We gotta have a hug right now."

00:03:15 So I feel like that'll encapsulate the entire moment.

00:03:18 - And we're just breaking shit down, dude.

00:03:19 It was cool.

00:03:20 It was literally like, just to put,

00:03:24 we were watching, funny enough,

00:03:25 we were watching 2015 Redskins versus Tampa Bay.

00:03:29 'Cause Will and I started talking about quarterback

00:03:32 and Will's like, "Hey, you know quarterback,

00:03:35 "that whole, you like that game."

00:03:37 And he starts going into it.

00:03:38 I'll let you explain the whole situation

00:03:40 that got us on that, but like.

00:03:41 - Was that what you were about to ask?

00:03:43 How did it get there? - Yeah.

00:03:44 - Yeah. - So we started

00:03:46 to get a little banged up. - Banged up.

00:03:47 - And we were talking about Kirk and that game

00:03:50 and something and Taylor was like,

00:03:51 "Hey, Taylor brought back."

00:03:52 So I was like, "Oh, Jay Reed came up with the equation."

00:03:55 And then like McVay and then myself.

00:03:57 And Taylor goes, "Man, it truly is wild

00:04:01 "that y'all had all those cats

00:04:03 "and like all those coaches, the coaching staff,

00:04:05 "'cause O'Connell was part of it at one point.

00:04:07 "And you guys didn't get like out of the first round

00:04:10 "of the playoffs."

00:04:12 So I thought, that's my moment.

00:04:13 I'm like telling Taylor, I was like,

00:04:14 "You know who also got his moment in that Tampa Bay game?

00:04:16 "We were down 24-0.

00:04:17 "You know who got his first shot?

00:04:20 "That was your boy."

00:04:21 So he's like, "Do you wanna watch that game?"

00:04:22 And I was like, you know, you start to get nervous.

00:04:24 Like, "Damn, now we gotta watch the game."

00:04:25 And I was like, "Yeah, we can watch the game.

00:04:26 "Throw it on."

00:04:27 - There was a bit of a pause for a little bit.

00:04:28 I kinda got on my phone 'cause I could feel it.

00:04:30 And then like a minute later, Will's like,

00:04:32 "Yeah, throw it on, dude."

00:04:33 (laughing)

00:04:35 - No, the--

00:04:36 - Lucky you had to think about it for a second.

00:04:37 - There's a longer pause 'cause then I start

00:04:38 telling the story.

00:04:39 I start elaborating on the entire thing.

00:04:40 - Oh, yes.

00:04:41 Can you talk, you are--

00:04:42 - Then we start talking some, you know, some drama.

00:04:46 - Yeah.

00:04:47 Do you wanna go into that?

00:04:48 - Legit, I was listening to that story and I was like,

00:04:49 "Dude, you gotta fucking tell that story."

00:04:52 - I think time and place for it, time and place.

00:04:53 I don't think now's the time 'cause that was,

00:04:55 obviously, Birthday, I end up getting you

00:04:56 to where we're watching old 2015.

00:04:59 You know, we're watching the boy out there

00:05:00 spin a little bit but also fail.

00:05:02 And I was like, "You know when a play's happening?"

00:05:04 I was like, "Man, I really don't want this one to come on."

00:05:05 - Yeah.

00:05:06 - 'Cause I was like, "Okay, we can watch it,

00:05:07 "but there's one play where I miss a tackle

00:05:09 "in the hole, a draw play."

00:05:11 And I was like, "That was things."

00:05:12 - Dude, he didn't know, but he called it.

00:05:14 - 'Cause you didn't really say it.

00:05:16 And then I was live for a second and he goes,

00:05:17 "Yo, I really think there's a draw play coming up."

00:05:20 And it was literally the next play.

00:05:22 - I was like, "Oh, that's it."

00:05:24 - I thought the funny one was when that dude was running

00:05:25 and he kinda crossed the goal.

00:05:26 - I forgot about that one, bro.

00:05:28 I started running, I was like, "Hang on, I'm out there."

00:05:31 - Chasing his ass.

00:05:32 - "I'm the only one who's gonna be able to make this play."

00:05:33 - Yeah.

00:05:34 - And then once he spun me around, I was like,

00:05:35 "God damn, I forgot that one."

00:05:37 (laughing)

00:05:38 - Dude, it was nuts.

00:05:40 But literally, while we're watching that game,

00:05:42 it's eight years ago, and on the ticker,

00:05:44 it's like the main thing that kept coming up

00:05:46 was Tennessee versus the Falcons.

00:05:48 And I'm like, "Bro, we lost that fucking game."

00:05:50 And I remember, then they start showing highlights

00:05:52 of Tennessee versus the Falcons.

00:05:53 It was like, just nuts.

00:05:55 So Will and I are now in the spin zone of like,

00:05:58 it's crazy that we're sitting together,

00:06:00 don't know each other.

00:06:02 - It's where we're starting to get to the peak

00:06:03 of being banged up.

00:06:04 - We're like sitting together and we're watching,

00:06:07 both of us, kind of, watching Will play,

00:06:10 and then you can see parts of like,

00:06:11 "Oh, I know I'm in a game at this exact moment."

00:06:13 And we're not thinking of each other,

00:06:14 we don't know each other,

00:06:15 and how our timelines have paralleled, gone,

00:06:18 and then slowly just come together.

00:06:20 - We had no clue bussing what the boys

00:06:21 was gonna come about a few years later.

00:06:23 And JP, you know who the running back was

00:06:25 that year for Washington?

00:06:26 Matt Jones.

00:06:27 - Dude, Will brought up that you were doing shit for him.

00:06:30 - Yeah, I started telling Taylor, I was like,

00:06:32 "You know what's crazy too?

00:06:33 Maybe since JP was just shooting Matt Jones,

00:06:36 he had a relationship with him.

00:06:37 Maybe he's watching this game somewhere,

00:06:39 just rooting for Matt Jones.

00:06:41 JP's watching the game.

00:06:42 I'm out here playing this game right here.

00:06:45 You're Tennessee with that.

00:06:46 You know, G and Jack are probably watching the Titans,

00:06:48 like watching the Falcons game.

00:06:49 'Cause you guys, they had came back,

00:06:50 you were up for a while.

00:06:51 Third quarter, they ended up taking the lead

00:06:53 and you lost a close one.

00:06:54 And we're just like, "Man, you had no clue.

00:06:56 The whole squad was gonna come together years later."

00:06:58 And then you start getting to where you're like,

00:07:00 leaned up and you're like,

00:07:02 "Bro, isn't this shit just wild?"

00:07:04 - It was fucking nuts.

00:07:05 And then like-

00:07:06 - Rashad Matthews is on what team?

00:07:08 The Dolphins?

00:07:09 - Yeah, he's in the Dolphins at that point.

00:07:10 - And you're like seeing all these big names,

00:07:12 but they're playing for other teams.

00:07:13 It's like, "Man, all these guys

00:07:14 are on different teams now."

00:07:15 And it's like, man,

00:07:16 they were really fucking doing it back then.

00:07:18 And then somebody else popped up

00:07:20 and I don't know if it was,

00:07:22 it was Lockett maybe and Robert Woods.

00:07:24 And you're just like, "Man, these guys been,

00:07:25 these guys been doing-"

00:07:26 - Woods was on Buffalo.

00:07:27 Lockett was still obviously on Seattle.

00:07:28 And you're like, "Damn."

00:07:29 - Like they've really been like that for a long time.

00:07:32 And then I'm like,

00:07:33 then we get back to when we were little

00:07:35 and I was like, "Man, look at us."

00:07:37 - But hold on, not even that point yet.

00:07:38 'Cause I was sitting in the chair,

00:07:39 Will was sitting on my couch.

00:07:40 And then eventually we're both sitting on the couch,

00:07:42 like real fucking close.

00:07:44 And then we start talking about,

00:07:45 we start talking about something else.

00:07:50 Like, oh, I showed him,

00:07:51 we, Will just leaned up basically and complimented my hair.

00:07:54 And I was like, he's like, "It's crazy."

00:07:56 Like, and then we start talking about glow ups

00:07:58 and stuff like that.

00:07:59 And then we like,

00:07:59 I brought a burnt Christ or something's burning.

00:08:01 - Yeah, you showed me the before and after.

00:08:03 And that's when in real time, I'm like-

00:08:03 - And my mind is like legit blown.

00:08:05 I'm like, "Yo, is it really that?"

00:08:06 And he's like, "Dawg, it's crazy."

00:08:08 You had a glow up from losing your weight with the mullet.

00:08:12 And then you just had a glow up on top of a glow up.

00:08:15 And I'm dead serious, J-Wayne.

00:08:18 You guys know, you guys know.

00:08:19 - And now Will usually is mouth open.

00:08:21 I'm mouth open like, "Oh fuck, that's crazy."

00:08:23 - I was like, "Look at this."

00:08:24 I was like, "Even your jaw."

00:08:26 I was like, "Dawg, you had a glow up on top of-"

00:08:27 - That's all I needed to hear.

00:08:28 You know me, boys.

00:08:29 Like, I'm always searching for that jaw.

00:08:30 - Glow up.

00:08:31 And he's like, he's like, "Man."

00:08:33 We started watching like, "Something is Burning."

00:08:35 - "Something is Burning" with Burt Kreischer.

00:08:36 'Cause that was like five months ago.

00:08:38 - Literally in February.

00:08:39 - And Ted's like, "Bro, even you look different."

00:08:41 I was like, "Man, this shit is really wild."

00:08:44 - And we're like literally watching something

00:08:45 from eight years ago.

00:08:46 Will playing a football game eight years ago.

00:08:48 It's still on the screen.

00:08:49 And we're on my little ass phone,

00:08:51 watching like something from five months ago.

00:08:54 And we're like, "Yo, it's crazy that the football game

00:08:56 that was eight years ago seems like it was like sooner

00:09:00 than this thing that was five months ago.

00:09:01 And look how different we both look."

00:09:03 'Cause there's a couple of zoom ups on Will's face.

00:09:05 And you could see him smile a couple of times.

00:09:06 And you're like, "Bro, like just everything

00:09:09 was so different, just so fucking different."

00:09:11 And we were just like, "It's just crazy."

00:09:13 It was just a nuts experience.

00:09:15 - And then Taylor goes, "Yeah, it's like we could go back

00:09:17 to any one of these moments like tomorrow

00:09:20 and not miss a beat."

00:09:21 And I was like, "Yes, bro."

00:09:24 That's how I knew we were kind of on the same wavelength.

00:09:26 And then I ended up, that's when we started to go back far.

00:09:28 I go, "Bro, isn't it nuts?"

00:09:30 I was like, "We're sitting here."

00:09:31 I was like, "We're in this empty house.

00:09:32 Like we might not ever get this moment again."

00:09:35 And I literally said-

00:09:37 - What are you talking about?

00:09:37 First emotion that comes to mind is fear.

00:09:40 I was like, "Yeah, I feel you."

00:09:41 - I said that.

00:09:42 - But I'm like, "But also this is one of those moments

00:09:45 you have to appreciate."

00:09:45 I was like, "Man, think about it."

00:09:46 I'm like, "We're having like an old school high school,

00:09:48 like an old throwback high school night,

00:09:51 where it's just us hanging out, watching like old stuff.

00:09:53 And we're kind of like reminiscent,

00:09:55 but also being excited about the future, things like that."

00:09:57 I said, "Man, you only really do that with your boys.

00:09:59 Like you think back on times back in middle school

00:10:01 and high school when you're having those sleepovers,

00:10:02 everybody's asleep, you're staying up late watching stuff."

00:10:04 I was like, "The wife's gone, my wife's back home,

00:10:06 the kids are put down, it's just me and you."

00:10:08 And I was like, "And we never really had a,

00:10:10 we weren't friends in high school."

00:10:12 And I was like, "We're getting to experience all this,

00:10:14 like we're getting to like have a big,

00:10:16 like build moment of like growth."

00:10:18 And I was like, "You know,

00:10:20 you just have stuff imprinted on your mind."

00:10:23 I was like, "You go back to the rugs,

00:10:24 back when you play with the cars

00:10:25 and you start like envisioning your life

00:10:27 of what you want to be."

00:10:28 - You know the rugs, like in elementary school

00:10:30 that had like the towns on it.

00:10:31 - Yeah.

00:10:32 - And then it had like the letters all around it,

00:10:33 like A through Z around the rug.

00:10:36 And it's like, "Yo, we both played on that."

00:10:38 - Yeah.

00:10:39 - But we didn't know each other.

00:10:39 - Yeah, well, like we were doing it, I go,

00:10:41 I go, "Dog, like, I don't know how it came up,

00:10:43 but the Brave Little Toaster came to mind."

00:10:46 - Dude, yes, I'm so glad you brought that up.

00:10:47 - And I was like, "Dog, Brave Little Toaster."

00:10:49 Taylor's like searching, he's like, "Should we watch it?"

00:10:51 I was like, "Yeah, throw it on."

00:10:52 - Like the first, like let's watch the first five minutes

00:10:54 of this thing.

00:10:55 And low key when we put it on, we're like,

00:10:56 "Is this the movie?"

00:10:57 - Yeah.

00:10:58 - I don't know, 'cause at first-

00:10:59 He goes, "I have a memory of like,

00:11:01 kind of it seemed like a little like dark and ominous."

00:11:03 And I was like, "Dog, me too."

00:11:04 - Yes.

00:11:05 - I was like, that was truly,

00:11:06 Brave Little Toaster was probably the first movie

00:11:09 I watched like amongst a group, like at daycare, school.

00:11:12 Like your first movie, you kind of watch around people

00:11:14 you don't really know.

00:11:14 So you're kind of watching the movie

00:11:16 and remembering how it kind of gives you

00:11:18 that dark, ominous feeling.

00:11:19 - It was, dude, we popped it on,

00:11:20 we're legit, we're just like, it's crazy.

00:11:23 That at one point, Will and I are probably sitting there

00:11:26 watching this movie at the same time,

00:11:27 not knowing each other completely across the country.

00:11:30 And now we're fucking here.

00:11:31 - 'Cause I said, the way you looked on something

00:11:34 is burning the mustache and how you were thicker and stuff.

00:11:36 I go, you remind me of some character off like,

00:11:39 you ever seen the Brave Little Toaster?

00:11:41 - Yes, and we were like, "Yo, we gotta put that on."

00:11:44 And then low key in the background,

00:11:45 the movie's just playing,

00:11:46 we go get the goats, that big hug happened.

00:11:48 And then we went into like a wormhole of like,

00:11:52 how wild it is, how present we are in this moment.

00:11:55 - Yeah.

00:11:55 - And it's like very rarely.

00:11:57 Like at one point, we're like,

00:11:58 we're not even thinking about how late it is,

00:11:59 how we gotta get up in the morning, we got kids.

00:12:01 Like, we're just like here in this moment.

00:12:03 And it was like, everything that was said,

00:12:07 even the fear thing.

00:12:08 When Will was like, "We might never be here again."

00:12:10 And I was like, "Yo, my first emotion to that is fear."

00:12:12 And he's like, "Yeah, but."

00:12:13 And I was like, "The minute you said but,

00:12:14 I felt way better."

00:12:15 And he just fucking, he just worked it out for me.

00:12:18 - Dog.

00:12:19 - It was so funny 'cause I literally at one point,

00:12:20 I was like, I gotta go check on Wyn, my oldest daughter,

00:12:23 'cause she was having a little sleepover 'cause mom was gone

00:12:25 and so I go in the room.

00:12:27 This little motherfucker dude,

00:12:28 waited for me to leave and grabbed her the iPad

00:12:31 and she's watching Smurfs on it.

00:12:32 And I'm like, "It's 1030 at night."

00:12:34 I'm like, "Dude, what are you doing?"

00:12:35 And she like looks at me with a shit eating grin like,

00:12:37 "I got your ass."

00:12:37 And I'm like, "I'm banged up."

00:12:39 And I'm like, "Yo, you really got me."

00:12:42 And then we talked for a minute and it was like,

00:12:44 the whole time I'm thinking, if I stay here too long,

00:12:47 I'm gonna lose the moment over there.

00:12:48 And then I finally get her situated, she goes to bed.

00:12:51 - She texts like, "Hey, Wyn."

00:12:52 And he's like, "I'm gonna be back.

00:12:53 I'm gonna come back soon."

00:12:54 (laughing)

00:12:55 - So I like opened my door, you know,

00:12:57 like my little pivot door to my master.

00:12:59 I opened it up and I closed the door and no joke.

00:13:01 It was like, I don't even remember

00:13:03 going back to the man cave.

00:13:04 I was like just back in the man cave.

00:13:07 Like I was just like, "Yo, we're here now."

00:13:09 - He was like, "My bad."

00:13:10 And I said, "No, that helped me out

00:13:12 'cause I now feel like I'm able to articulate

00:13:14 some of this a little bit more."

00:13:16 - No, he was nuts.

00:13:17 - 'Cause he was like, "Honestly,

00:13:19 I don't know what I'm trying to say.

00:13:20 Like I feel something, but I just don't,

00:13:22 I don't think I can put it into words."

00:13:24 - Yeah, and then we legit got there.

00:13:27 I forget what the conclusion was now.

00:13:29 - I forget too.

00:13:29 - But we fucking got there, dude.

00:13:30 And we're like, "Yo, this is one of those moments

00:13:33 where like we get to sit here and like,

00:13:36 like we'll remember this."

00:13:37 - You and Jimmy.

00:13:38 - You remember that time at the house,

00:13:39 like just hanging out?

00:13:40 - 'Cause life happens.

00:13:41 - It's like literally, it's a core moment.

00:13:43 It's a core, it's like a core, like the fucking movie.

00:13:46 - Inside Out.

00:13:47 - Inside Out, dude.

00:13:48 Now we have one of those little blue balls,

00:13:50 that's a yellow ball.

00:13:51 It's definitely a yellow ball.

00:13:52 And that motherfucker, it goes in the little sphere

00:13:54 that allows us to be like,

00:13:55 "We can pull that shit whenever we want."

00:13:57 Now that thing's here, it's not a fleeting thought anymore.

00:13:59 That thing is there for fucking ever.

00:14:01 And then we started talking about some cool shit

00:14:02 about like the whole Johnny Knoxville thing.

00:14:05 - Yeah, yeah, some good perspective stuff.

00:14:07 And we ended up in the kitchen eating all the

00:14:09 Cold Stone ice cream cake that I brought over.

00:14:11 - Which Will fucked me over with my kids, dude.

00:14:14 It's literally like seven o'clock,

00:14:15 like my kids are like, "They need to go down soon."

00:14:17 They're hyped up and Will, I'm like,

00:14:19 "All right guys, we gotta go to bed in five minutes."

00:14:21 - And this was before.

00:14:22 - We just got done eating, a lot's been going on.

00:14:24 Like Dylan and Rue's come over to get like suits,

00:14:27 'cause Taylor, obviously he's lost weight.

00:14:29 So he's like, "You guys can like--"

00:14:31 - Y'all can have these.

00:14:31 - Yeah, y'all can take your pick of the suits.

00:14:33 So dinner and everything was getting pushed back.

00:14:35 Your boy, get some ribeyes going,

00:14:38 make some potatoes, like making dinner and all that.

00:14:41 So then if I--

00:14:42 - The steak was fire, by the way.

00:14:43 - Then it ultimately, it's like,

00:14:44 it's me, Charo, Rue, Wynn, Willow, Taylor.

00:14:47 And it is like past,

00:14:48 Taylor's like wanting them to go down at like 6.45.

00:14:50 It's probably like 7.15 at this point.

00:14:52 And I'm thinking like, I still got that ice cream cake.

00:14:55 We haven't sang Taylor happy birthday and stuff like that.

00:14:56 And I know Taylor's wanting to put him down,

00:14:58 but I just think to myself

00:14:59 and just make the decision myself.

00:15:01 I'm like, "Man, we've gotta sing happy birthday to Taylor."

00:15:03 Like, nobody, we haven't sang happy birthday to him.

00:15:05 - That's not exactly what you said to me.

00:15:06 - But yeah, like I know Taylor's gonna be pissed

00:15:10 I do this because he wants them to go down.

00:15:11 And also like, I'm bringing out ice cream cake

00:15:14 right before they're going down.

00:15:15 So not only is he gonna be pissed,

00:15:16 like I know he's gonna say like,

00:15:18 "Hey, we'll eat this tomorrow."

00:15:19 But then it's gonna create a shit storm a little bit.

00:15:22 But also this is where like that cool, fun uncle,

00:15:26 like a move that you just do to your boy,

00:15:28 like I'm gonna do this to him.

00:15:29 So I go, I look in the fridge, I open it up, I go,

00:15:31 "But guys, we have ice cream cake."

00:15:34 And then I was like, "Happy birthday."

00:15:37 - Happy birthday.

00:15:39 - We all started singing.

00:15:41 I was like, "Let's eat this guys."

00:15:42 And Taylor's like, "No, we gotta go to bed next thing."

00:15:44 You know, Willow's just fucking like-

00:15:45 - Losing her fucking mind.

00:15:46 - "Why can't I?"

00:15:47 - All I can tell is like,

00:15:48 Taylor's just like holding her, looking at me.

00:15:50 It's like-

00:15:50 - Backing up.

00:15:51 - Yeah.

00:15:52 - Like this, you and I have to deal with this.

00:15:53 'Cause my three-year-old,

00:15:54 like when you can negotiate with her,

00:15:56 my three-year-old like negotiating with her

00:15:57 is like, she's so strong-willed.

00:16:00 When I tell her, I literally tell her face,

00:16:01 like, "This is gonna make you so successful someday,

00:16:03 getting what you want.

00:16:04 I'm so proud that this is here.

00:16:05 Right now, it's a fucking issue.

00:16:07 Like we got a problem."

00:16:08 I had to deal, and then she was overtired the next day

00:16:10 'cause she was up fighting about that fucking cake.

00:16:14 And I'm overtired 'cause we're up till whatever.

00:16:17 And I got to negotiate with the child the whole day,

00:16:19 which will bring me to my pet peeve later in this show.

00:16:21 So yeah, Will really fucked me over on all that shit, dude.

00:16:26 But what a fucking night it turned out to be.

00:16:29 'Cause my birthday-

00:16:29 - It was a great night.

00:16:30 - It won the whole lot going on.

00:16:32 I basically had two of my buddies come over

00:16:33 and ransack my whole entire closet.

00:16:34 They're fired up, and I'm excited to see them

00:16:36 in some of the fits that I wore.

00:16:38 It's gonna be funny as shit.

00:16:39 We need to get like a side-by-side if I can find it.

00:16:41 - Taylor's birthday is serving his teammates' suits,

00:16:45 giving away his stuff to other people,

00:16:47 and watching Will Compton highlights.

00:16:48 - Yeah, I'm a giver, dude.

00:16:50 I'm a giver, but I got a lot out of that as well.

00:16:52 It was awesome.

00:16:53 And it's so weird 'cause we were having this conversation

00:16:56 on Thursday or even Friday.

00:16:58 - It was Friday when I was trying to figure out-

00:17:00 - Will was like, hit me with like,

00:17:01 "Hey, what are we doing for your birthday?"

00:17:02 And low key, my favorite part of a birthday

00:17:03 is when somebody misses my birthday.

00:17:05 So I can be like, "Yo, you forgot. What's the deal?"

00:17:07 Like I was on the phone with Nick Bennett,

00:17:08 and he calls me on Saturday, which is my birthday.

00:17:11 And we're talking for like 20 minutes.

00:17:13 I'm like, "Hey, before we go any further,

00:17:15 it's my birthday today."

00:17:15 "Oh, good. You forgot."

00:17:17 He had like, he started,

00:17:18 "Hey, well, you know, I was waiting for the right time,"

00:17:19 and all this shit.

00:17:20 But I love it.

00:17:21 And also, dude, like these last seven months of busting,

00:17:24 like we've been celebrating.

00:17:25 It feels like we've been celebrating every fucking day.

00:17:27 So I go, "I want to celebrate my birthday?"

00:17:30 I feel it's weird to celebrate that

00:17:32 'cause I feel like I've been celebrating

00:17:33 the whole year of 2023.

00:17:35 - Yeah, Taylor was giving me that speech,

00:17:36 and I'm just sitting there like with a very like,

00:17:39 "I don't believe you."

00:17:40 'Cause I was like, "Taylor, you're definitely

00:17:44 the type you've already explained."

00:17:45 Like you want, it either doesn't happen,

00:17:48 and then you have it over their head that they don't do it.

00:17:49 So I'm truly, genuinely asking you,

00:17:52 what are you trying to do?

00:17:53 Because I know, like Taylin left on Saturday to go to Italy.

00:17:57 And I was like, "I know nothing's planned.

00:17:58 Like what are you feeling and trying to do?"

00:18:00 He's like, "Man, I kind of just want to chill."

00:18:01 I was like, "Do you truly want to chill?"

00:18:04 And he's like, "Yeah, I mean,

00:18:06 you want to come over and swim?"

00:18:07 And then it was like, you know,

00:18:09 "Get the cake, get the steaks.

00:18:11 What do you want?

00:18:12 What's the birthday boy want?"

00:18:13 So I was like, "What's my little birthday boy want?"

00:18:14 I see you're, I was like, "I got my haircut on Friday."

00:18:17 And Alan was like, "Shout out to boy Alan."

00:18:19 And culture, right?

00:18:21 Culture cuts?

00:18:22 - Culture Nashville, I think it's called.

00:18:23 - Okay.

00:18:23 And he was like, "Taylor's coming tomorrow at 2.45."

00:18:26 So then I'm texting Taylor.

00:18:27 I was like, "Hey, I see the birthday boy's

00:18:28 getting himself a little haircut."

00:18:30 I was like, "What's he want to eat?"

00:18:31 I was like, "You want smash burgers?

00:18:32 You want steaks?"

00:18:34 He's like, "If it's my pick, steaks."

00:18:35 I was like, "Done, bro."

00:18:37 - Bro, I went to get that haircut at 2.45.

00:18:39 I brought both my kids.

00:18:41 It was funny as hell.

00:18:42 You could tell the people that didn't have kids.

00:18:45 And my oldest daughter literally found the little,

00:18:47 when you get your hair shampooed at the place

00:18:49 to get your haircut, and she grabs that little handle

00:18:52 and looks back at me, and I'm like, "Win, no."

00:18:54 Spritz her sister right in the face.

00:18:56 I'm like, "Yo, what are we doing?"

00:18:57 Thankfully, Alan, who owns Culture Nashville,

00:19:00 he's got a one and a half year old little boy.

00:19:02 And he's like, "Dog, if this was two years ago,

00:19:04 I'd probably be like, 'Yo, what the fuck's going on?'"

00:19:06 But he's like, "Because I have kids, I totally get it."

00:19:08 My daughter's like, "Oh, putting the fridge,

00:19:10 putting Willow in it, pretending she's a drink."

00:19:11 She's like, "Mm, I'm thirsty, I want a drink."

00:19:13 And she kind of waddles over there and opens it up

00:19:14 and has this shit-eating grin on her face.

00:19:16 Like, "Yo, this, hey, I'm a drink."

00:19:18 And I'm just thinking, "Yeah."

00:19:19 Like, "We pet the cactus, the cactus is fake."

00:19:21 I'm like, "It'll poke you."

00:19:22 And he's like, "Nah, it's all good."

00:19:23 I'm like, "All right, pet the fucking cactus, dude."

00:19:25 But they were ripping around, I'm thinking to myself,

00:19:26 "We gotta hurry this haircut up."

00:19:28 He ripped it up, though.

00:19:29 It got done in 20 minutes.

00:19:30 So Culture Nashville, shout out, no free shout out to them.

00:19:33 That being said, should we hit shout out,

00:19:34 no free shout out?

00:19:35 We ready?

00:19:38 - Yeah.

00:19:39 - You boys, who in the back wants to do it?

00:19:40 Go ahead, JP.

00:19:43 - My shout out, no free shout out goes to

00:19:48 when you're traveling somewhere

00:19:49 and you gotta pull up the GPS

00:19:50 and you see that yellow or maybe red traffic.

00:19:55 And then you get to that spot, you're like,

00:19:56 "Man, this is really about to suck."

00:19:58 But Apple hasn't updated their maps yet

00:20:01 and there actually is no traffic.

00:20:03 So you just cruise right through.

00:20:05 It's one of the best feelings ever.

00:20:07 The great feeling of relief.

00:20:09 - Dude, if you're on a road trip and it says hazard ahead,

00:20:11 and then literally it asks you, "Hey, is the hazard clear?"

00:20:14 And you think, "I'm not helping you out, though.

00:20:15 "I'm not gonna press that okay."

00:20:17 But you just wait for the thing to go out.

00:20:19 I just showed you with my work that it's not there anymore.

00:20:22 - I take a different approach.

00:20:23 - You press okay?

00:20:24 - Yeah.

00:20:25 - What a guy.

00:20:26 - There's still something there, right?

00:20:27 - Yeah, yeah, I have something still there.

00:20:29 - Yeah, yeah, I'll do that too.

00:20:31 - But yeah, there's still--

00:20:33 - I feel like I'm actually doing a service to them.

00:20:35 - Yeah, you're helping out.

00:20:36 - Like, "You're helping me, man."

00:20:36 - Especially if there's a cop one coming up.

00:20:39 - A cop one is--

00:20:40 - Or it's like a speed thing going on.

00:20:42 And you're like, "Let me try and find out

00:20:43 "for everybody else."

00:20:44 - Right.

00:20:45 - Looking around.

00:20:47 Nope, we're clear.

00:20:48 - We're clear.

00:20:49 - Yay.

00:20:50 - Clear. - Clear.

00:20:51 - That was a wild conversation too.

00:20:53 - That was a wild conversation.

00:20:54 - Yeah.

00:20:56 Who else got the shout-out, no free shout-out?

00:20:59 - I have one, and it goes along with iPhones.

00:21:02 And correct me if someone has used this,

00:21:04 I don't think they have.

00:21:06 But I'm shouting out the greatest Apple feature

00:21:08 that's ever been created.

00:21:10 And it is when you get a verification code

00:21:13 and you have to type it in on a different app

00:21:15 and it suggests the code,

00:21:16 so you don't have to copy and paste it.

00:21:18 It's just immediately there.

00:21:19 And just that little bit of convenience

00:21:21 sometimes saves you from just going over the edge.

00:21:24 So shout-out to the best Apple feature.

00:21:27 I don't know what it's called,

00:21:28 but I think we all know what I'm talking about.

00:21:30 - Yeah, absolutely.

00:21:31 That is a nice little deal.

00:21:32 - It is nice.

00:21:34 - I was sitting at my computer this weekend,

00:21:37 and I'm fucking going through all my emails

00:21:41 and the passwords and stuff like that.

00:21:42 Like, I barely know my passwords.

00:21:45 But when you would get the autofill,

00:21:47 I go to log into YouTube or Twitter or Instagram,

00:21:49 any of that shit,

00:21:50 and it goes autofill for this email address

00:21:53 and you just press it, it's kind of like the same thing.

00:21:54 You're like, thank God, bro,

00:21:55 'cause I was literally about to fuck up my day,

00:21:58 low key.

00:21:59 That was about to turn into a pet peeve.

00:22:01 - I have a question.

00:22:02 Do you guys ever use the suggested password

00:22:04 that Apple gives you?

00:22:05 - No.

00:22:06 - Me neither.

00:22:07 I get so scared.

00:22:08 I'm like, there's no way I'll ever remember this,

00:22:10 unless I'm just on my phone.

00:22:12 I always feel like I'm in some high stress alert situation

00:22:17 where I'm trying to hack into something

00:22:19 or somebody's gonna kill you.

00:22:20 And I'm like, I'm not gonna be able to find this.

00:22:22 So I choose my own.

00:22:24 - Hell yeah, dog.

00:22:25 - That's always been a thought of mine.

00:22:26 I'm like, man, do people use these?

00:22:27 'Cause these are fucking crazy.

00:22:29 - A bunch of shit.

00:22:30 There's no way, you have to put it on a sticky note.

00:22:32 Low key, you should put it on your phone,

00:22:33 but then it's like, that defeats the purpose of-

00:22:34 - That's the thing though.

00:22:35 I feel like it saves your phone,

00:22:36 but if you happen to be again on a computer,

00:22:38 like trying to get out of something,

00:22:41 you're not gonna remember it.

00:22:42 - I'm with you.

00:22:43 I'm with you, yeah.

00:22:44 Mitchie, shout out, no free shout out?

00:22:46 - My shout out, no free shout out this week,

00:22:48 again, correct me if I'm wrong.

00:22:49 I don't know if anybody's used it.

00:22:51 It's just going for a drive,

00:22:53 just driving around, just driving around town,

00:22:55 especially in a new city.

00:22:56 Not that I'm like new here anymore,

00:22:58 but like still kind of exploring around different areas.

00:23:01 Just putting your music on, putting your windows down,

00:23:04 little just road therapy,

00:23:05 just letting your thoughts be your thoughts

00:23:07 and just kind of put your hand out the window,

00:23:10 let your hand like ride and stuff.

00:23:11 - Let the air take you.

00:23:13 - Yeah, and just kind of put on some music,

00:23:15 just turn it up a little bit

00:23:17 and just vibe for a little bit.

00:23:19 Just enjoy your time by yourself, just driving around.

00:23:22 - Solid shout out, no free shout out.

00:23:24 Garrett, do you have one this week?

00:23:26 - I do have one this week.

00:23:27 Yeah, right.

00:23:28 My shout out, no free shout out is gonna go to

00:23:31 the people at PLL for having my brother and I

00:23:34 in Louisville this weekend.

00:23:35 It's a pretty cool experience.

00:23:38 Never really seen like that high level

00:23:41 of competition like in person,

00:23:45 especially being from Tennessee.

00:23:46 So that was cool to experience.

00:23:48 They were great, good hosts.

00:23:50 Got to watch it all on the field.

00:23:52 Yeah, it was a good time.

00:23:55 Shout out them.

00:23:55 - When you were watching the PLL,

00:23:58 did you think, I can get out there and do that no problem?

00:24:00 - It is funny 'cause you do think like,

00:24:02 I mean, they're not that much bigger than us.

00:24:04 - Yeah.

00:24:06 - But they're definitely like, their skill is just like--

00:24:08 - Yeah, handles like crazy.

00:24:09 - Handles are crazy.

00:24:11 And for an all-star game,

00:24:12 you know, they're always like fucking around.

00:24:14 So some of the like skip passes and shit like that

00:24:16 are just like no lookers.

00:24:18 It was impressive.

00:24:20 There's a skill competition and the fastest shot

00:24:24 was like 121 miles an hour.

00:24:26 And that, seeing that like that close was like,

00:24:29 I would never play goalie.

00:24:31 - Do you ever scrape three digits?

00:24:32 - No.

00:24:33 - No, no shot.

00:24:34 - No, I think I touched 90 like once.

00:24:36 - What a feeling that was, I bet.

00:24:37 - Yeah, it was pretty cool.

00:24:40 - That's a shout out for not knowing anything

00:24:41 about the PLL, that's a solid shout out.

00:24:42 - Yeah, it was a good time, good event.

00:24:45 - Willie.

00:24:45 - Uh oh.

00:24:47 - You want me to go?

00:24:50 - Yeah, yeah, go ahead.

00:24:51 - My shout out, no free shout out goes to,

00:24:53 we're obviously on the conversation of nostalgia

00:24:56 and stuff like that.

00:24:57 My shout out, no free shout out goes to

00:24:59 getting your own seat on the school bus in high school.

00:25:03 If you can get your own seat,

00:25:04 and I was one of the last, every time I took the bus,

00:25:06 I was one of the last cats to,

00:25:08 before like you get to the school,

00:25:10 the one of the last stops and you get on there

00:25:11 and it's like usually, you know,

00:25:14 couple of the smelly kids or couple of, you know,

00:25:16 the thicker kids were kind of by themselves

00:25:18 hogging up all the chair

00:25:20 and you would never really get that.

00:25:21 But that opportunity you get,

00:25:22 whether it's middle of the pack,

00:25:23 back of the pack, front of the pack, whatever.

00:25:25 And there's a seat all by itself.

00:25:28 Like you just kind of,

00:25:30 that's the limousine of a bus ride.

00:25:32 It's a phenomenal feeling.

00:25:33 You kick the knee up,

00:25:35 fucking look around a little bit, hang out,

00:25:37 get a couple conversations.

00:25:38 You got more mobility to look around.

00:25:40 It's a solid fucking feeling.

00:25:42 - You get the post up with the,

00:25:44 no, the back to the window.

00:25:46 - Yeah, 100%.

00:25:47 - You got attention on everything.

00:25:49 - Yeah, you got one leg up and you kind of talk them,

00:25:51 hey yo, and you just kind of,

00:25:53 you can talk to anybody.

00:25:54 - You just feel cool when you have that posture going.

00:25:56 - Yeah.

00:25:57 - It was a great day.

00:25:57 - Couple guys ask you a question,

00:25:58 you're like, yeah, you know.

00:26:00 - Yeah.

00:26:01 - It is what it is.

00:26:02 You know what I'm saying though?

00:26:03 - In the hand.

00:26:04 - Yeah, like, you know.

00:26:04 And by looking, if you're sitting there like this,

00:26:07 having a conversation, like it's a little beta.

00:26:09 You're trying to like, yeah, oh yeah.

00:26:11 - There's just somebody behind too,

00:26:12 who's like, wants your attention.

00:26:13 You kind of do the longer slow turn.

00:26:15 - Yeah.

00:26:16 - So they have a little half turn.

00:26:17 What's up man?

00:26:18 - Can't turn my neck like that.

00:26:21 But yeah, that's my shout out, no free shout out.

00:26:22 - I got a couple of questions,

00:26:23 'cause I'm nervous that these have been used before.

00:26:27 - Well, just do it.

00:26:28 - Have, has leftovers been shouted out?

00:26:30 - Absolutely.

00:26:31 I think it was you too.

00:26:33 - Really?

00:26:34 - I know, I'm not, I legitimately think it was you.

00:26:36 - About sandwiches.

00:26:37 (laughing)

00:26:39 - Leftovers have, like when you don't have nothing to eat

00:26:42 and you open that fridge and you got that,

00:26:44 oh shit, I forgot about this.

00:26:45 How about movies on TV?

00:26:50 - Like hotel movies?

00:26:51 - Yeah, he said this.

00:26:53 - What was the shout out, G?

00:26:54 - Mine was when, like, you know the rules.

00:26:58 - I appreciate that, appreciate that.

00:27:00 Mine was when you're flipping through channels

00:27:01 and you catch a movie on TV at the beginning.

00:27:04 You know what I'm talking about?

00:27:06 - Okay.

00:27:07 - What do you got?

00:27:08 - Mine was gonna be on the TV one,

00:27:10 'cause again, I have another one

00:27:11 that I had done over the weekend.

00:27:14 But mine was gonna be on the movie aspect,

00:27:16 the movie front is like,

00:27:17 when you just, you plop down on the couch,

00:27:19 you're just mindlessly watching TV,

00:27:21 you don't really know what you wanna watch,

00:27:22 but there's just a movie on or a show on

00:27:25 that helps make that selection for you

00:27:27 that you're kind of fired up about,

00:27:28 you know, that's the next thing you're gonna do

00:27:29 for the next hour.

00:27:30 Versus be on a show and you're flipping around,

00:27:32 like, I'm not really, I'm not feeling this.

00:27:34 But when you see that movie, you're like,

00:27:35 man, I ain't seen this in a minute,

00:27:36 like, let's fucking watch this.

00:27:38 There might only be 30 minutes left,

00:27:39 but you're gonna enjoy that next 30 minutes

00:27:41 because the TV decided for you.

00:27:43 - I think that's a great one.

00:27:45 - All right, perfect.

00:27:46 - But I have a question to follow that up.

00:27:47 - Go ahead.

00:27:48 - Have you watched "Troy" yet?

00:27:50 - No, that's tough.

00:27:51 That's, I know.

00:27:52 - I was hoping that was gonna be the movie.

00:27:54 - Our bipeds are rocking that movie too.

00:27:57 - That's low key.

00:27:58 A shout out for another day,

00:28:00 but I have not watched "Troy"

00:28:01 and that does seem like a movie

00:28:03 that needs to be kind of like a core value in my life.

00:28:07 - Since we're on the subject of movies,

00:28:08 has anybody seen "Oppenheimer" yet?

00:28:10 - No, I keep seeing it being talked about.

00:28:12 Is it like that?

00:28:12 I see my guy from "Petey Blinders" is in it.

00:28:14 - I saw something that said,

00:28:15 this might be the best movie of the year by far

00:28:18 and it might be the better one,

00:28:19 like the better movies so far of the century.

00:28:20 - "Oppenheimer"?

00:28:21 - Yes.

00:28:22 - Oh, you've seen it?

00:28:23 - No, no, that's something I saw.

00:28:24 - How did you see it?

00:28:25 - "Oppenheimer."

00:28:26 - It's "Oppenheimer."

00:28:27 - "Oppenheimer"?

00:28:28 - "Oppenheimer"?

00:28:29 - But yeah, like I heard it's like,

00:28:30 it's really like that.

00:28:31 Yeah, but like Barbie is also,

00:28:35 like if I say "Oppenheimer" you're gonna be like,

00:28:37 well, what is "Oppenheimer" even mean?

00:28:39 If I say "Barbie" to you,

00:28:40 everyone knows what "Barbie" is.

00:28:42 And Margot Robbie's in it, Ryan Gosling's in it.

00:28:44 Yeah, I saw like a clip of Barbie being like,

00:28:47 "I'll beat you off right here.

00:28:49 Oh, we'll have a beach off.

00:28:50 I'll beat you off with both hands."

00:28:51 Like they were like puns like that

00:28:53 and I thought, yeah, it's kind of funny.

00:28:55 - Toe in the line?

00:28:56 - Yeah, toe in the line a little bit,

00:28:57 but like, I would see the movie.

00:29:00 - 'Cause you're trying to, I mean, you're basically like-

00:29:01 - Yeah, for sure I'd see the movie,

00:29:03 but like "Oppenheimer,"

00:29:05 I don't even know what the fucking movie's about,

00:29:07 but I look at it and I'm like, what's it about?

00:29:10 - About Hiroshima and the first atomic bomb,

00:29:13 how it was- - The making of it, right?

00:29:14 I know the ending of the movie already.

00:29:15 - The detonation.

00:29:16 Apparently when the bomb goes off in the movie,

00:29:18 it is the loudest, I mean, that's not like a spoiler.

00:29:21 That's history.

00:29:23 But when it does, it's the loudest theatrical experience

00:29:29 in history, like it is the loudest moment

00:29:33 in a movie that you can experience thus far.

00:29:36 People are saying like if you guys have seen the IMAX,

00:29:37 which Nashville, one of 19 true IMAX theaters

00:29:41 in the whole country,

00:29:42 we are lucky enough to have it.

00:29:44 So if you go see "Oppenheimer,"

00:29:45 go to the Opry Mills 70 millimeter IMAX,

00:29:48 it's probably insane.

00:29:51 - I see you just dropping information.

00:29:52 - We gotta do a little field trip before like,

00:29:54 Willie goes to Italy and stuff.

00:29:55 - Well, the thing is, it's the double feature.

00:29:57 People are trying to do "Barbenheimer,"

00:30:00 which they've been calling it,

00:30:01 which is you see Barbie and Oppenheimer in the same day.

00:30:05 And it's like six hours of cinema.

00:30:07 So, and on two different spectrums,

00:30:09 but I've heard great things about both.

00:30:11 - Y'all, a back-to-back movie is the fucking best.

00:30:16 Back-to-back.

00:30:17 I probably told this story before,

00:30:18 my mom would randomly take me out of school sometimes,

00:30:21 in like elementary school or middle school,

00:30:23 to be like, "Hey, we're having a mental health day."

00:30:24 And we'd rip over and we'd go into a theater,

00:30:27 finding Nemo or whatever it was,

00:30:28 and there'd be like another showing to whatever movie.

00:30:31 Mom'd be like, "We can just sneak into that one, can't we?"

00:30:33 And she would like literally take me in there.

00:30:35 What's up?

00:30:37 Oh, we gonna be all right.

00:30:38 We always gonna be all right.

00:30:39 But double movie feature is fucking elite, brother.

00:30:44 - The Barbenheimer.

00:30:45 - Yeah, I'm sure we can go see it.

00:30:46 You got money?

00:30:48 You got money, bro.

00:30:49 You can go see whatever you want.

00:30:50 - Craziest fact about the Oppenheimer movie,

00:30:52 I used to be a camp counselor.

00:30:54 And one of my kids in my cabin was like,

00:30:58 their middle school age.

00:30:59 And his great granddad was the pilot of the plane

00:31:03 that dropped the bomb.

00:31:04 And I don't know how true this is to you,

00:31:07 but I think the kid was 11 years old at the time.

00:31:10 But the family doesn't know.

00:31:12 He definitely doesn't know much about him

00:31:13 'cause he fell off after that.

00:31:16 But apparently he didn't even know

00:31:18 to the extent of what he was doing.

00:31:20 Yeah.

00:31:22 I was like, "God, that's dark."

00:31:23 - That shit is nuts.

00:31:25 - You almost don't want the pilot to know

00:31:30 a decision like that,

00:31:31 'cause then the human element can get in like,

00:31:34 "Man, should I be doing this?"

00:31:35 - Apparently--

00:31:36 - God and country, friend.

00:31:37 - Yeah.

00:31:38 - The reason they really dropped it

00:31:39 is as more of like a test.

00:31:40 We had already come to a conclusion with Japan.

00:31:44 And they were supposed to drop it on Russia

00:31:47 during like, I can't remember.

00:31:49 And then that's like settled out.

00:31:51 And then they just dropped it on Hiroshima.

00:31:54 And a main part is, I forget the scientist

00:31:57 who plays Cillian Murphy in the movie,

00:31:59 or Cillian Murphy plays him.

00:32:00 He was pushing so hard to drop it

00:32:04 just 'cause he spent like his whole life

00:32:07 revolutionizing like the biggest war machine of all time.

00:32:10 They're like, "We have to use it."

00:32:12 And then it like basically obliterated

00:32:14 an entire generation of people

00:32:16 and caused a lot of bad things to our environment in Japan.

00:32:21 But--

00:32:21 - God damn.

00:32:22 - We need to see it.

00:32:23 Apparently it'll rattle you.

00:32:25 - Yo, history kind of fucks, dude.

00:32:28 - History does fuck.

00:32:29 I mean, it depends on what side of history you're on.

00:32:31 I'm sure if you're in Hiroshima in the early 40s,

00:32:34 that's not a dope history lesson,

00:32:36 but history is fucking wild.

00:32:39 - Yeah.

00:32:40 - I'm watching "Last Kingdom" right now.

00:32:41 I'm sure it's all fiction, but--

00:32:43 - No, it's based on true history.

00:32:44 - Boys that you were out there

00:32:45 just riding horses and shit and ripping around.

00:32:47 - Talk about the--

00:32:48 - Word of mouth too.

00:32:49 - The forming of England.

00:32:50 - Yeah, but I think it's just crazy.

00:32:52 Like it's like obviously sitting in 2023

00:32:55 and then looking at these people being like,

00:32:56 "Yo, we gotta tell this person something."

00:32:57 They're across the country, ride, how many days?

00:33:01 - Five days, yeah.

00:33:02 - It's like, we gotta get there.

00:33:03 And then hopefully you get there before somebody else does.

00:33:05 Like in the beginning of the show,

00:33:08 Uhtred does some badass shit,

00:33:09 I'm not gonna give anything up.

00:33:10 And they're like, "Hey, you gotta go tell the king

00:33:12 "that you did this.

00:33:13 "Otherwise somebody else is gonna take credit for it."

00:33:15 And he's like, "No, 'cause he's Uhtred."

00:33:16 He's like, "I don't need that."

00:33:18 And he fucking goes and does it.

00:33:19 He doesn't do it, somebody else takes the credit

00:33:21 and puts him in a fucking bind.

00:33:23 - Yeah.

00:33:23 - Stories, dude.

00:33:25 Story is all, yeah.

00:33:26 Oh, is it "Glory"?

00:33:27 - It's "Destiny is All."

00:33:28 - "Destiny is All."

00:33:30 And yo, shout out to the guy who plays Uhtred too,

00:33:32 'cause he becomes a much better actor

00:33:33 the farther down the line.

00:33:34 - Mitch, that just pissed me off, dude.

00:33:36 - Yo, what?

00:33:37 - Just messing up fucking Uhtred's sign-off.

00:33:41 He said, "Glory is all."

00:33:42 - I fucked it up too.

00:33:43 - That's a story.

00:33:45 - I know, but.

00:33:46 - Should we do the Twisted question?

00:33:49 - We're Twisted right now?

00:33:50 - Yeah.

00:33:51 Twisted Kings, we're the Twisted Kings.

00:33:53 And this is the Twisted question, dude.

00:33:55 By Boston Beer Company.

00:33:56 I'll take it, Will, all right.

00:33:58 Twisted tea is a refreshing, hard iced tea

00:34:00 made with real brewed tea and 5% alcohol.

00:34:03 It tastes like real iced tea

00:34:04 because it's made with real brewed tea.

00:34:06 Real brewed tea with a kick, 5% ABV.

00:34:10 Full flavor and refreshing.

00:34:11 Goes down smooth.

00:34:12 There's no carbonation,

00:34:13 which makes it easy to drink all day long.

00:34:16 Twisted tea.

00:34:18 Twisted tea feels fun

00:34:19 and celebrates extreme fandom on game day.

00:34:21 Twisted tea is the perfect alcohol beverage for game day,

00:34:24 whether tailgating in the parking lot,

00:34:26 watching at the bar, watching with friends at home,

00:34:28 Twisted tea is there to turn up your game day, dude.

00:34:31 Keep it Twisted.

00:34:31 And that is from one of two Twisted Kings.

00:34:35 Grab a refreshing Twisted tea today.

00:34:38 Our question today is gonna come from Jack McPherson.

00:34:40 Jack, what's our question?

00:34:41 - From JP.

00:34:41 - It's gonna come from JP Hovey.

00:34:42 JP, what's our question?

00:34:44 - The question is also brought to you by my friend,

00:34:46 Jon Pettit, that asked me this this weekend.

00:34:49 But the question is,

00:34:50 would you rather have the superpower to run every red light

00:34:55 or you have the front row parking spot

00:34:58 in any crowded parking lot wherever you go to?

00:35:01 You drive in that parking lot, somebody pulls out,

00:35:04 it's a given every time.

00:35:05 - Assuming zero--

00:35:07 - No accidents with the red light.

00:35:08 - At the red light stuff.

00:35:09 - You're not drinking and driving either.

00:35:11 - Yes.

00:35:12 - You're right.

00:35:13 - You have to drink responsibly.

00:35:13 - Yeah.

00:35:14 - Yeah.

00:35:16 - Smart, Jack.

00:35:17 That's next level thinking.

00:35:19 Do you wanna go first?

00:35:20 You want me to go first?

00:35:21 - Go ahead.

00:35:24 - I think the answer's very simple here.

00:35:25 You talk about how many times you get into

00:35:27 a crowded parking lot and you're sitting there

00:35:29 and you're wondering, man, what the fuck's going on?

00:35:31 I don't mind a couple extra steps during the day.

00:35:32 I don't track 'em, but I don't mind it.

00:35:35 So if I need to go find a little place in the back,

00:35:37 it is what it is.

00:35:38 For me, if you're able to run every red light possible

00:35:42 and never get hit, never have the worry of like,

00:35:45 I'm gonna fuck some shit up,

00:35:46 maybe somebody else gets in a car accident

00:35:47 or something like that,

00:35:48 the amount of time you're going to save

00:35:51 is you're taking off so many minutes a day,

00:35:54 so many hours a week, possibly years,

00:35:56 if we're really coming down to it.

00:35:58 And that is time that you can never get back.

00:36:00 That is my answer.

00:36:01 It's gonna be the red light.

00:36:02 - I disagree.

00:36:06 Mine is going to be parking spots.

00:36:09 Especially if you're at an arena,

00:36:11 you're at a big event, anything like that,

00:36:13 a game, whatever the case may be.

00:36:15 You get that front row parking spot

00:36:17 at absolutely everything.

00:36:18 Everywhere you go, I'm taking that.

00:36:20 Every now and then, I don't mind those extra steps,

00:36:22 but if I just get to mitigate that

00:36:23 and get the freaking front row parking spot,

00:36:26 I'm taking that.

00:36:27 I feel like with the red light,

00:36:29 I don't mind stopping every now and then.

00:36:30 I think we've lost sight of what patience looks like.

00:36:35 And I think when you stop,

00:36:36 because we always want to get to where we're going fast.

00:36:39 We always want to be first,

00:36:42 not take the time to smell the roses a little bit.

00:36:45 I don't mind a nice little stop

00:36:46 at the red light every now and then.

00:36:48 So I'm going to go with parking spot.

00:36:51 - I think if you're looking at efficiency in life,

00:36:53 you want to have patience, brother.

00:36:54 Go sit on the couch and enjoy yourself for a second.

00:36:56 You're going to get there a whole lot faster

00:36:57 with the red light.

00:36:59 You brought up big arenas.

00:37:00 You talked about big events.

00:37:02 Not a whole lot like, brother,

00:37:03 you put yourself in a position

00:37:04 where most of the big events you go to,

00:37:06 you're getting that, you know,

00:37:08 through the hallway entrance, back door,

00:37:10 under tunnels type shit

00:37:11 where you're getting there real fast.

00:37:12 There's probably a little security with you sometimes.

00:37:14 I'm thinking about Vegas 290, Shane Gillis.

00:37:17 They took us in that little kitchen over there,

00:37:18 ripping us around, right?

00:37:19 If we were driving to that,

00:37:21 well, you're in and out pretty fast.

00:37:22 With the red light,

00:37:24 I'm talking about more time with the family.

00:37:26 I'm talking about more time with the boys,

00:37:27 more time doing what you love most.

00:37:29 And that's not sitting behind a wheel, dude.

00:37:31 None of us are 14 gears on a semi truck

00:37:33 ripping around the country thinking,

00:37:34 we fucking love this.

00:37:36 You just get to go, get where you're going.

00:37:38 Patience.

00:37:39 I got more patience with the kid

00:37:40 'cause I didn't hit a fucking red light.

00:37:42 Then I don't have to go fucking,

00:37:45 I can feel a little bit better about my negotiations

00:37:47 with a three-year-old terrorist

00:37:48 when it comes to ice cream cake.

00:37:49 I feel I'm in a better head space now.

00:37:52 The red light is the obvious choice here.

00:37:54 I see where you're coming from a little bit,

00:37:56 but I think you're kind of zoomed in a little bit.

00:38:00 Too much tunnel vision on the big overlaying things.

00:38:03 Yeah, we're going to NASCAR,

00:38:03 you're going to certain things.

00:38:04 It's a bit of an issue,

00:38:05 but you're gonna get there a whole lot faster.

00:38:08 Beat the traffic,

00:38:09 you might get in that parking spot anyway.

00:38:11 You might be a cake eater with that red light piece.

00:38:13 - Restaurants, grocery shopping.

00:38:16 - Money, easy.

00:38:17 - All of it.

00:38:18 I would love to pull up front and center.

00:38:20 As far as the car ride, getting to places faster,

00:38:23 I don't mind a little extra conversation in the vehicle

00:38:26 if you have people there.

00:38:27 I don't mind getting on a phone call

00:38:30 and you're catching up with somebody,

00:38:31 catching up with your old man,

00:38:32 people that you haven't seen in a long time.

00:38:34 You get that little extra time on the road a little bit.

00:38:36 I think I appreciate that a lot.

00:38:38 And then if you're going home to negotiate

00:38:39 with a three-year-old terrorist,

00:38:41 you have a little bit more time to prepare,

00:38:42 get your wherewithal about you,

00:38:44 figure out, hey, what's happening at the house right now?

00:38:45 What do I need to be ready to come into?

00:38:47 - That's where you fucked up, brother.

00:38:49 - You don't have time to prepare

00:38:50 for the three-year-old terrorist.

00:38:51 Those things come up.

00:38:53 I'm not thinking to myself,

00:38:54 oh, my best friend's gonna bring up ice cream cake

00:38:57 three minutes before bedtime.

00:38:58 I gotta prepare for this situation.

00:39:00 Those are things with three-year-olds,

00:39:02 you're just in there.

00:39:04 And they're gonna be strong-headed and getting after you.

00:39:06 It comes up on you like that.

00:39:08 You gotta be ready at all times.

00:39:10 - To which I think I would enjoy my solitude

00:39:12 a little bit more on the ride home.

00:39:13 Get a little bit more me time before I have to go home.

00:39:17 - When you go home, just have a little more me time.

00:39:18 - Yeah, I'm gonna have a little more me time.

00:39:20 - Yeah, I'm gonna go home.

00:39:21 - I'm gonna have a little more me time.

00:39:21 - I'm gonna take a boat to the parking spot.

00:39:24 - Boys in the back, how do we feel about it?

00:39:26 - Oh, yeah, where are you guys at?

00:39:28 - We gonna take a boat?

00:39:29 Who we staying with?

00:39:30 - Yeah, who do you stay in with?

00:39:32 Maybe there's a wrinkle that hasn't been said.

00:39:34 - Yeah, well, I stay in with Will,

00:39:36 because your exact explanation about the patients

00:39:40 is exactly what I told my friend Pettit

00:39:42 when he asked me about it.

00:39:43 (laughing)

00:39:44 - Let's go.

00:39:45 - I'm with that.

00:39:45 - How much time would the red light save of your day?

00:39:48 Like, how often are you driving per day?

00:39:51 - How often are you going to a concert or a sporting event?

00:39:55 - Guess what, you got that front row, you got that spot.

00:39:59 - I'm saying like, the red lights,

00:40:02 you've saved like five minutes.

00:40:04 A light lasts 45 seconds.

00:40:07 - I drive, so for me, here and back,

00:40:09 that's five minutes both ways.

00:40:10 - No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

00:40:12 - You know the traffic over here with this little light.

00:40:15 - Yeah.

00:40:16 - And people not pulling up to turn left.

00:40:17 - And it's two minutes.

00:40:18 - But listen, you have to get to the red light to run it.

00:40:21 You don't get to miss all the traffic.

00:40:22 This isn't a traffic question.

00:40:23 - I'm bobbing and weaving on them now.

00:40:25 I know no matter what, I can get past this red light.

00:40:27 I might pull over, I might go London on them bitches

00:40:30 and go all the way to the left

00:40:32 and then cruise back over the right,

00:40:33 'cause it ain't nothing gonna happen.

00:40:35 You guys already put that insurance policy in for me.

00:40:37 It's too short-sighted talking about arenas

00:40:40 and big events and stuff like that every single day.

00:40:42 - The more you explain, the better I feel about my decision.

00:40:45 - Hey, I love that JP, 'cause that's a cop out.

00:40:47 I love that dude.

00:40:48 - I'm good where I'm at.

00:40:49 - What a good way to get out of it.

00:40:50 - I'm good where I'm at.

00:40:51 - I'm with you, Taylor.

00:40:52 - Let's fucking go, Jack!

00:40:53 - You are in a car driving, going through red lights

00:40:55 so much more in your life than you are going to events.

00:40:59 And I get the grocery store thing.

00:41:01 - I'm talking everywhere.

00:41:02 I don't care if it's a full parking lot.

00:41:03 - The only time it feels like parking would come into play

00:41:06 is at like going to a Titans game

00:41:08 or something at an arena

00:41:09 where there's a mass amount of parking.

00:41:12 When you're at the grocery store,

00:41:14 very rarely, if ever, have I gone there

00:41:16 and not been able to get a parking spot,

00:41:18 nor have I ever thought like,

00:41:20 wow, this walk is going to really set me back some time.

00:41:24 So I--

00:41:25 - The world of trying to make the extra text or call,

00:41:26 like, hey, where do I park here?

00:41:27 I'm here.

00:41:28 No matter where you're at, no matter where you're at.

00:41:31 It's not a question.

00:41:32 You got that front row spot.

00:41:33 - I'm not too broad of a statement, dude.

00:41:35 No matter where you're at,

00:41:36 do you call people when you go to Trader Joe's

00:41:38 that you do once a week, every single week,

00:41:40 and you know?

00:41:41 No, Trader Joe's is a bitch-ass parking lot too.

00:41:43 Like, they need to fucking figure their shit out there.

00:41:45 But you're not calling me like, yo, where do I go?

00:41:47 Like, we're truly just talking about events.

00:41:49 - No, it could be-- - Every single day.

00:41:50 - You could be downtown, you could be in the parking--

00:41:52 - Five minutes this way, five minutes that way.

00:41:53 If I do just one trip there and back,

00:41:55 that's 10 minutes according to JP.

00:41:56 10 minutes.

00:41:58 - No, your whole day is what I'm saying, not one trip.

00:42:01 - Then you don't drive as much as me, and that's okay.

00:42:04 - Lenza-- - It's all right.

00:42:05 - Nevermind, I won't even go-- - Go ahead.

00:42:07 - When's the last time you went to the grocery store?

00:42:10 - Four days ago.

00:42:11 I was in there four days ago.

00:42:13 Hey, my dad asked me that same question last night,

00:42:16 and it pissed me off.

00:42:17 I was like, dude, I go to the grocery store.

00:42:18 - You don't go to the grocery store.

00:42:19 - Yes, I do.

00:42:20 - No, you don't. - You get over there.

00:42:21 - Yeah, I get over there.

00:42:22 I get over there.

00:42:23 - Just for Dave.

00:42:24 - I get over there.

00:42:25 - I get over there, I go to that Whole Foods in Green Hills.

00:42:27 - Next time you go to the grocery store,

00:42:28 we need a selfie posted.

00:42:30 - Done. - All right.

00:42:30 - Expect one today, after we're done with this fucking pod.

00:42:33 (laughing)

00:42:34 I'll be in there.

00:42:36 And also, dude, a little hack for the grocery store,

00:42:38 because I'm there so much,

00:42:40 get you, especially if you're at Whole Foods,

00:42:42 let's say it's in the morning time,

00:42:43 like is when I like to go,

00:42:44 'cause the traffic is a little less,

00:42:47 get yourself a, you say valet.

00:42:48 (laughing)

00:42:51 Dude, you go to the grocery store,

00:42:52 go right to the beverage aisle,

00:42:54 'cause they have the little singlet boys out there.

00:42:56 What's it, cola brew or a water, something like that?

00:42:58 Get that thing, crack it open,

00:42:59 and it's on the other side of the entrance.

00:43:01 I'll ignore the produce and go all the way,

00:43:03 'cause I know the grocery store so much.

00:43:05 I go through the produce area,

00:43:06 all the way past the cashiers, past the coffee shop,

00:43:09 and I'll go grab myself a cold brew,

00:43:10 and I'll crack that thing,

00:43:11 and I'll do my chores,

00:43:13 my choring in the grocery store with a drink.

00:43:16 And that's a little free piece of advice for you.

00:43:19 You're still gonna pay for it,

00:43:20 but get you a little beverage

00:43:21 to enjoy yourself a little bit more,

00:43:22 'cause the grocery store ain't that much fun.

00:43:24 It's not that much fun, 'cause I go all the time.

00:43:27 I know that.

00:43:28 I know how not fun it is.

00:43:30 Garrett, where you at, dude?

00:43:33 Where you at, man?

00:43:36 - I think it's tough,

00:43:37 but I think I gotta go with the parking spot.

00:43:39 You talk about all the places that you're going

00:43:42 and running the lights.

00:43:44 When you're going somewhere, you gotta park your car.

00:43:47 So why not park it in the first spot,

00:43:48 closest spot to the door?

00:43:50 So I hear both sides,

00:43:53 but you could also just leave a little bit earlier

00:43:54 and not be in a rush to have to run lights.

00:43:58 So parking spot.

00:44:01 - That's so gay.

00:44:02 Go ahead, go ahead, Mitch.

00:44:04 Is that just gladiator?

00:44:05 That's so fucking lame, dude.

00:44:07 - I'm not entirely sure what side I sit on.

00:44:14 - You better pick a side, brother.

00:44:15 You're the deciding vote.

00:44:16 You gotta pick one.

00:44:18 Admit it.

00:44:18 We'll go do something,

00:44:20 and we'll come back to you if you want.

00:44:21 - I do.

00:44:22 'Cause I'm one where I don't mind sitting at lights,

00:44:25 but I also don't mind walking farther.

00:44:26 - Shut out a good drive with some music.

00:44:28 - Yeah, I mean, I think-

00:44:30 - Maybe on a good podcast, a good conversation.

00:44:33 - I think I'm gonna go with Will.

00:44:35 I don't mind waiting at lights.

00:44:37 It is what it is.

00:44:38 I just really don't care.

00:44:40 - I forgot how dumb this whole entire bus is besides Jack.

00:44:42 (all laughing)

00:44:45 That's wild thinking by you guys.

00:44:47 - No disrespect.

00:44:49 (all laughing)

00:44:51 - No offense, but-

00:44:52 - Just lets you listen to your song longer,

00:44:54 your podcast longer,

00:44:55 if you're on the phone with your parents or somebody,

00:44:57 just to catch up.

00:44:58 - We're in such a hurry, man.

00:44:59 - Yeah, for real.

00:45:00 - Y'all are super patient guys today.

00:45:02 - Today, dude.

00:45:03 - I am a CEO and you're not so patient.

00:45:05 - The two people that are battling for running lights

00:45:07 are the most impatient people.

00:45:09 - I'm super patient, dude.

00:45:10 - So that's why.

00:45:11 - I'm so patient.

00:45:12 What do you mean?

00:45:12 When have you seen me not patient?

00:45:14 When have you seen me-

00:45:15 - I'll see you tomorrow.

00:45:16 - When do you see me fucking get all like,

00:45:18 oh fuck, because of anything?

00:45:20 When's the last time you seen me mad?

00:45:21 - Running a light.

00:45:22 - Yeah, because this shit's gotta go a little faster, no?

00:45:25 With the light thing, here we go.

00:45:27 - Yeah.

00:45:28 - You know?

00:45:29 - I don't know.

00:45:29 - I'll go to JP and Will.

00:45:31 When the whole flight thing happened at JFK,

00:45:33 you see me flinch?

00:45:35 When we were sitting there at the baggage claim

00:45:37 and they're like, you're going to miss this direct flight.

00:45:39 Did you guys see me flinch?

00:45:40 I was like, hey, it is what it is.

00:45:41 You guys gotta go.

00:45:42 Better you guys not missing,

00:45:43 like all three of us not missing this flight

00:45:45 or missing the flight.

00:45:46 I'll just miss it.

00:45:47 You guys go.

00:45:48 Did you see me flinch?

00:45:49 You see me fucking pouting and mad?

00:45:51 - What are you talking about?

00:45:52 - I said I pouted right out, it took 20 minutes.

00:45:54 I took 20 minutes, I put the headphones in,

00:45:56 I put some angry music on.

00:45:58 And when that timer went off,

00:45:59 that brr-ring, brr-ring,

00:46:02 I went and got myself a breakfast bowl.

00:46:04 I hung out, I got myself a coffee.

00:46:06 - Where's the conversation went to now?

00:46:07 - Talking about patience,

00:46:09 which is everybody's ridiculous claim.

00:46:11 - We've all been in a car with you.

00:46:13 - 'Cause you can literally see the patience thing.

00:46:13 - You guys legit strap in.

00:46:14 - You can see the patience thing for the parking.

00:46:16 Like, oh, there's nowhere to park.

00:46:18 Oh, where am I gonna go?

00:46:19 I have to go three rows back?

00:46:20 - Are we talking about getting mad or getting flustered?

00:46:23 - No, we're talking about patience.

00:46:24 I'm obviously flustered right now

00:46:27 'cause I feel like my boys have been misled.

00:46:29 Like, I had to call all,

00:46:31 I had to call all y'all's parents.

00:46:33 - It's your own.

00:46:34 - I gotta call everybody who's been a mentor to you guys.

00:46:36 I gotta fucking get ahold of them

00:46:37 and tell them you guys messed up a little bit.

00:46:39 - No, I feel like in life, you're a patient person.

00:46:43 Like, I haven't seen you explode like crazy or anything,

00:46:46 but this is different.

00:46:47 Driving, you are, it is chaos when you're driving.

00:46:51 And I think to Garrett's point,

00:46:53 you and Jack have similar personalities.

00:46:56 So like y'all two are more similar,

00:46:58 so y'all would have that same belief.

00:47:01 And it's, there's nothing wrong with either one.

00:47:03 - Draw the square, dude.

00:47:04 And look, it could be four to two right now.

00:47:06 It could be 80 to 20 when the vote goes up,

00:47:10 the poll goes up on Twitter.

00:47:12 - Marking to-

00:47:13 - It could be, yeah, no, it could go eight.

00:47:14 - If history is anything, I'm gonna catch the back end

00:47:16 and I'm gonna take the short end of the stick on the poll.

00:47:19 I'm usually not the victor in the poll area.

00:47:21 - I was the minority. - Who do you think that is?

00:47:22 You think it's a personal thing

00:47:23 or you think at some point you're gonna be like,

00:47:26 maybe I'm on the wrong side of history.

00:47:29 - Wrong side of history?

00:47:30 We're making up history right now.

00:47:32 - Maybe you're viewing the results too early on,

00:47:33 not being patient enough and waiting till the end.

00:47:35 See?

00:47:37 - I see what you did there.

00:47:38 (laughing)

00:47:39 Dude, lemme tell you, dude, in life there's two,

00:47:42 two is always better.

00:47:43 A double play is always more exciting than a single play.

00:47:45 An encore is always better than a band leaving early.

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00:48:36 At participation locations, offer ends July 31st, 2023.

00:48:40 I'm glad we got that ad to get out of there

00:48:44 'cause you guys kinda--

00:48:46 - Get a front row parking spot.

00:48:47 - Four of you, one and a half 'cause Jack,

00:48:49 you did get a little quiet on me, brother.

00:48:51 - Wait, what?

00:48:52 - What's that?

00:48:53 - A little quiet.

00:48:54 - Here we go!

00:48:55 - I'm over here wielding my sword.

00:48:57 - That's great.

00:48:58 - That is crazy.

00:49:00 - That is crazy.

00:49:01 - Roll the tape back.

00:49:04 Roll that tape back a little bit.

00:49:05 - I'm this close.

00:49:06 - Leave him on an island.

00:49:07 - Jack was with you the whole time.

00:49:09 - The whole time.

00:49:10 - It's okay, it's okay.

00:49:12 - It's all right.

00:49:13 - Y'all wanna move on to tear talk?

00:49:14 - Maybe that was me.

00:49:14 Maybe that was me, brother.

00:49:16 All right?

00:49:17 I am a little flustered right now.

00:49:18 I'm getting impatient with the situation.

00:49:22 - I'm with you.

00:49:23 - I'm with you.

00:49:24 - I'm fucking around.

00:49:25 - I think it's being funny.

00:49:26 - I'm fucking around.

00:49:26 - We can, it doesn't matter.

00:49:27 I know the, what are we doing for tear talk?

00:49:29 The uniforms?

00:49:29 - Alternative uniforms for the NFL.

00:49:31 - Oh, but yeah.

00:49:34 - What you got?

00:49:35 - We got some fries?

00:49:36 - This is the tear talk.

00:49:40 - Oh!

00:49:43 - Maybe.

00:49:44 (all cheering)

00:49:51 - Let's fucking go.

00:49:53 - We are back.

00:49:55 - My boy.

00:49:56 - Get in here, dog.

00:49:57 How are you?

00:49:58 - You can't yell at me on the podcast.

00:50:00 I need my job.

00:50:01 (all laughing)

00:50:02 - Too late.

00:50:03 - Too late.

00:50:04 - We're live.

00:50:05 - I know.

00:50:06 - You need to have these every day, every week.

00:50:10 - We are.

00:50:11 We got two games coming up.

00:50:11 We're gonna announce that in a couple of days.

00:50:13 You guys need guesses on what games it'll be?

00:50:15 - Houston and Houston.

00:50:16 - Should be Houston.

00:50:18 - Houston's one.

00:50:20 - Houston.

00:50:21 - I think it's Steelers Thursday night game.

00:50:23 We'll just fuck 'em up.

00:50:24 - Tomorrow.

00:50:25 - Tomorrow.

00:50:26 - We'll take one secret.

00:50:27 Houston's one of 'em.

00:50:28 - Houston's one of 'em?

00:50:28 At home?

00:50:29 - Gotta flex on Houston.

00:50:30 - Hey, shout out Bane, dude.

00:50:32 - Bane.

00:50:33 - Let's fucking go.

00:50:34 - Shout out the boy Bane, man.

00:50:36 - Yo, that is hype.

00:50:37 - Summer Fridays are things of the past.

00:50:40 It's time for Friday, Rye Day with Whistlepig Whiskey.

00:50:44 Whistlepig piggyback 100% rye,

00:50:46 aged six years, made with 100% rye.

00:50:49 Bold spice forward, perfect for maple old fashions.

00:50:52 Whistlepig piggyback 100 proof bourbon,

00:50:55 aged six years, 100 proof,

00:50:57 shines in sour and citrus cocktails.

00:51:00 - Show 'em the bottle, show 'em the bottle,

00:51:00 show 'em the bottle.

00:51:01 - This one is the rye.

00:51:06 Oh yeah, of course.

00:51:08 Show that boy, show that bustin' with the boys.

00:51:10 Snicker bourbon.

00:51:11 Shines in sour and citrus cocktails,

00:51:14 piggyback rye's better half.

00:51:16 Whistlepig 10 year, also a banger,

00:51:18 the one that started Whistlepig,

00:51:20 the original disruptor,

00:51:21 aged 10 years, 100 proof.

00:51:23 Grab yourself a bottle or three bottles,

00:51:25 one of each, the rye, the bustin' with the boys bourbon,

00:51:27 and a 10 year of Whistlepig Whiskey,

00:51:30 and kiss your work day goodbye this summer rye day.

00:51:33 - Dolly, these are tight.

00:51:36 Now I do wanna say this, shout out Nate Bane,

00:51:38 but I did tell Joey, like a couple days before I got cut,

00:51:43 I need one of those jerseys in 77 Luan,

00:51:47 game day edition, cut the same way and everything.

00:51:49 He did promise.

00:51:51 This is a nice gift.

00:51:52 This does not get you out of that, Joey.

00:51:54 I'ma need that.

00:51:55 These are the best uniforms.

00:51:57 I think--

00:51:58 - Yeah, tell the Tear Talk, say what the Tear Talk is.

00:52:00 - Well, the Tear Talk is best alternate uniforms

00:52:03 in the NFL.

00:52:05 Who's that, Nate?

00:52:06 - Yeah.

00:52:07 - What's so funny?

00:52:10 - I don't even know how to explain it,

00:52:13 but I guess I'm so used to seeing you with that.

00:52:17 I'm getting the giggles.

00:52:18 I'm used to seeing you with hair,

00:52:19 and so with the hat and the jersey.

00:52:21 - I look ridiculous?

00:52:24 - You just look like the ultimate fan.

00:52:26 - Hell yeah, 'cause I am, dude.

00:52:30 I am.

00:52:31 Now, Tear Talk is the alternate jerseys.

00:52:34 I would like to, we just gotta get a vote.

00:52:36 Is this God Tier?

00:52:37 - Gotta be.

00:52:39 - Gotta be?

00:52:39 We got all in favor?

00:52:40 I know, Garrett and Jack.

00:52:43 Willie?

00:52:43 - Aye.

00:52:45 - Oh, fuck.

00:52:46 - All right, Tear Talk, best.

00:52:54 - Whoa, whoa, whoa.

00:52:55 Is it God Tier?

00:52:57 Do you agree?

00:52:57 - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:52:58 - Okay, you said aye, like I thought he was about

00:53:00 to make a big announcement.

00:53:01 - No, no, aye, like all in favor?

00:53:03 - Aye, yeah, okay, yeah, yeah.

00:53:05 - All in favor?

00:53:06 - Aye.

00:53:07 - All right, God Tier.

00:53:08 - God Tier, best unis.

00:53:10 - Alternative unis.

00:53:11 - Alternative uniforms.

00:53:13 - The Titans, the Oilers, whatever you wanna call it.

00:53:16 - Tennessee Oilers.

00:53:18 - The Tennessee Oilers.

00:53:20 - Hell yeah.

00:53:20 They gotta go to this, like full time.

00:53:23 They gotta say, "Hey, that was a fun five years

00:53:25 "of having the old Titans uniforms."

00:53:26 They need to change their name to the Tennessee Oilers

00:53:30 and start repping these bad boys all the time.

00:53:32 - They really do, man.

00:53:33 - That would be so fucking sick.

00:53:35 The new helmets and everything too.

00:53:37 - I'm with that, I'm with that.

00:53:38 - And then you have like these OGs,

00:53:40 you put those on and then you do a couple of alternates

00:53:42 that maybe bring the Tennessee like sword back

00:53:45 and stuff like that.

00:53:47 You know, switch it up with a little bit of flair.

00:53:49 I think the newer uniforms are sick,

00:53:51 but these ones, you can't fucking beat these, dude.

00:53:53 You cannot.

00:53:54 - Yeah, you really can't, man.

00:53:55 There's six different unis that have dropped.

00:53:58 The Titans, the Seahawks, Buccaneers, Vikings, Colts,

00:54:03 and Browns.

00:54:04 Let's rank, I think we need to rank all of them.

00:54:08 - You wanna go all six?

00:54:09 - Yeah, I think we just need to do it.

00:54:13 - Actually, let me.

00:54:14 - 'Cause you've probably seen photos of each one.

00:54:21 - Those are sick.

00:54:24 - Sick.

00:54:25 - That one's like a--

00:54:27 - Seahawks.

00:54:28 - That one's a close one, bro.

00:54:29 - Titans, Jets, Lions.

00:54:34 - Is Philly coming out with one?

00:54:36 Golly, I know, man.

00:54:37 I wish they all dropped.

00:54:40 Those ones would be sick.

00:54:41 - I hope Washington.

00:54:42 Washington's gotta do a Redskins one, yeah?

00:54:48 - Broncos are releasing one tomorrow.

00:54:50 - They have to.

00:54:50 - Hey, the Broncos ones are gonna be sick.

00:54:53 We go back to that orange with that classic Bronco on top.

00:54:58 Oh no, they had the Bronco one.

00:54:58 - That one would be fire with,

00:54:59 you're talking about with that D?

00:55:00 - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:55:01 - Yes, bro.

00:55:02 Those would be sick.

00:55:04 It'll be hard.

00:55:06 Once they all come out, we'll have to do a ranking.

00:55:08 - I will say, dude, of all the upsetting things

00:55:12 about getting cut and stuff like that,

00:55:13 this might be number one and not being able

00:55:15 to play a game with this fucking uniform on.

00:55:17 - Oh, you with this uniform and the visor?

00:55:19 - Oh, come on, JV!

00:55:22 Oh!

00:55:22 Man, that shit would be so sick.

00:55:26 Anyway, I digress.

00:55:28 But those Buck ones, let's,

00:55:30 do you wanna take five, boys?

00:55:32 Or do you wanna roll?

00:55:33 - Yeah, I'm solid.

00:55:34 I'm ready to roll.

00:55:35 I can work through these.

00:55:38 - Hang on, go up to the, down to the Eagle one?

00:55:41 Oh, it's not officially released.

00:55:45 That one's gonna be nasty, dude.

00:55:46 - So yeah, let me just say it one more time.

00:55:48 Titans, Bucks, Seahawks, Jets, Lions,

00:55:50 Minnesota, Colts, Browns.

00:55:52 That's what we got right now?

00:55:54 - That's eight, okay.

00:55:55 - I think I'm ready.

00:55:58 I think I'm ready from the little piece I just got.

00:56:00 Are you ready?

00:56:01 - Yeah, I'm ready.

00:56:01 - All right, so one across the board is Titans.

00:56:04 My two,

00:56:06 (indistinct)

00:56:08 Okay, so God's here, Titans.

00:56:11 My one is gonna go to the Buccaneers.

00:56:13 That orange, that creamsicle,

00:56:16 whatever the fuck it's called,

00:56:17 that shit goes so hard.

00:56:19 The pirate on the side, that's fucking dope.

00:56:22 My two is going to go to the Seahawks.

00:56:27 I had the classics.

00:56:29 I think they look awesome.

00:56:30 I love how the Seahawks have been able to do

00:56:33 like all the neon and stuff like that

00:56:34 and make it actually work

00:56:35 'cause it's such like a flashy color for an NFL team.

00:56:38 But the classics, dude, those are so sick to me.

00:56:41 And my three is gonna go to Minnesota.

00:56:45 The Minnesota helmets, the classic,

00:56:48 like the purple people eaters, it brings you back.

00:56:50 Like it is a fucking hitter, dude.

00:56:53 It's a hitter.

00:56:54 And so that would be my three.

00:56:57 Do you want me to do the other three?

00:56:58 - Yeah, keep doing the rest.

00:56:59 - Okay, so my other three, let me see.

00:57:01 Can I see the Lions, please?

00:57:02 It's just the helmet?

00:57:04 Let me see it though.

00:57:05 Damn.

00:57:08 I thought theirs came out.

00:57:12 It's like all gray.

00:57:13 - Yeah, this is all in release.

00:57:23 - All right.

00:57:24 The Lions is not gonna be in there right now.

00:57:28 Done these four.

00:57:31 I'm gonna go honorable mention.

00:57:32 So number four for me is gonna be the Jets.

00:57:34 The next one is gonna be,

00:57:37 it kinda, these next three to me are kinda like whatever

00:57:43 'cause you're doing so much history

00:57:45 with the ones I just said.

00:57:46 And that is just a cool feeling

00:57:47 'cause it truly brings you back to your childhood.

00:57:49 I wanna see the Broncos ones.

00:57:50 I wanna see the Eagles ones.

00:57:52 But I'll go just of like what I think looks cool.

00:57:55 I'm gonna go Browns next.

00:57:56 I think that all white does look dope with the helmets.

00:57:59 I'll go Colts after that.

00:58:00 And then based on just the helmet with the Lions,

00:58:02 I'll put Lions in last place there.

00:58:04 That is going to be my all six.

00:58:07 And with that, I'll take you guys as one word.

00:58:10 - Who was the last one you did?

00:58:15 - I think my last pick was Lions.

00:58:17 But I think it's close between the Colts and the Lions.

00:58:20 - Exactly.

00:58:23 - Right.

00:58:26 - Solid.

00:58:29 - Always solid.

00:58:33 - Nice.

00:58:35 - Perfect.

00:58:36 It's exactly what my, those are all my exact thoughts too.

00:58:39 I think Colts and Lions are very close.

00:58:43 It seems like the Lions are doing the all grays,

00:58:45 which I think is so gay when you do all gray uniform,

00:58:47 especially with the Lions color blue too.

00:58:50 I just don't feel like it pops that well.

00:58:51 It's kinda like pick your poison between the,

00:58:53 like a Colts blue and black,

00:58:56 or like the Lions blue and gray.

00:58:58 The Colts just edge it out on, you know,

00:59:00 being not the fucking suckiest.

00:59:03 'Cause I think the Colts suck too.

00:59:04 - Yeah, the Colts ones look kinda cool.

00:59:08 Like, I don't know, 'cause I do like,

00:59:13 like the Titans uniforms and they go all blue.

00:59:15 I think that looks really good.

00:59:16 And then the Titans uniforms when they're all white

00:59:18 with the white helmet, I felt it looked really good too.

00:59:20 That like keeping the same pattern, I always enjoyed that.

00:59:23 - You talking about the Oiler stuff?

00:59:25 - No, I'm talking about like with the newer,

00:59:28 the newer, not old Titans uniforms,

00:59:30 but the most recent ones, not the throwbacks.

00:59:33 I'm just, as a reference to the Colts,

00:59:35 I like how they do the blue helmet the same color

00:59:37 as the pants, the same color as the jersey.

00:59:39 - Got you.

00:59:39 - But that being said, like, I think the reason why

00:59:42 the Cleveland Browns were above them

00:59:45 is they just look cooler.

00:59:46 They just--

00:59:47 - Yeah, I don't think the Browns are terrible.

00:59:49 I don't think the Browns are terrible.

00:59:50 - I don't think they are either.

00:59:51 But you just like, with the top three,

00:59:53 excluding the gods here, obviously,

00:59:55 like you're getting that fucking like, man,

00:59:58 I remember that.

01:00:00 - Yeah.

01:00:01 - You know, especially Tampa,

01:00:02 'cause low key Tampa is close to Tennessee.

01:00:05 Like it's a close--

01:00:06 - Yeah, we're talking probably 1A, 1B type situation.

01:00:09 'Cause the Buccaneers one does fuck hard.

01:00:12 - The best part about the Tennessee Oilers uniforms

01:00:17 is it just pisses people off in Houston.

01:00:20 That fucking debate of like, we own this,

01:00:22 that's not the Tennessee thing.

01:00:24 That to me puts it over the top.

01:00:25 Like they're dope ass uniforms,

01:00:27 but then to take one of your biggest rivals

01:00:29 and kind of give them the bird, that's fucking dope.

01:00:32 And you signed D-Hop, that's a good point, Garrett.

01:00:36 - I think another one you need to look out for,

01:00:37 'cause I think they released what the helmet's

01:00:39 gonna be right down in Atlanta.

01:00:40 - Yeah.

01:00:41 - They're bringing the red helmets back.

01:00:42 - Yeah.

01:00:43 - The Falcons are gonna be sick too.

01:00:46 But you gotta go like old school,

01:00:47 like when you go to the alts.

01:00:49 Gotta go the old school.

01:00:50 - Yeah.

01:00:50 - Too many rules.

01:00:51 - Except for the Packers.

01:00:52 Those old schools fucking suck, dude.

01:00:54 - Is that the fucking Steelers ones too?

01:00:56 - Yeah, those--

01:00:57 - Bumblebees or whatever the fuck they were.

01:00:58 - Bumblebees, yeah man, those suck.

01:01:00 - But as a player, if you play for the Steelers,

01:01:02 like you do wanna play a game in those.

01:01:04 Just to fucking have it.

01:01:04 - Yeah, just to--

01:01:05 - Just to have a jersey, like yeah, this shit's sick.

01:01:07 JP, you were gonna say something?

01:01:09 - No, no, no.

01:01:09 - You're kind of leaning up weird.

01:01:10 I was just making sure.

01:01:11 - Stretching, you know.

01:01:12 - Yeah, get that little back right, kid.

01:01:14 Like father, like son.

01:01:16 You guys feel any different on the tear talk?

01:01:19 - We're--

01:01:20 - Yeah, no.

01:01:22 - Yeah, I think we're--

01:01:23 - That's gotta be a great feeling.

01:01:25 - Yeah.

01:01:26 - All of us sitting there.

01:01:26 - We're all in uniform.

01:01:27 - Nice, except for two of us.

01:01:30 (laughing)

01:01:32 All right.

01:01:34 - All right, boys.

01:01:35 - I just, I meant all of our picks.

01:01:36 - Yeah, I know.

01:01:37 - We had to do Pet Peeve of the Week as well.

01:01:39 So let's knock out Pet Peeve of the Week

01:01:41 and let's rip out of here, boys.

01:01:42 - I think maybe Universal Pet Peeve of the Week is

01:01:45 not getting to the episode.

01:01:50 - Hmm.

01:01:50 - Not getting to the episode.

01:01:53 - People are always upset about the, well, not everyone,

01:01:58 but some people are upset about the intros.

01:01:59 Like, oh, we just want to get to the interview.

01:02:01 Where's Tom?

01:02:02 - Yeah.

01:02:03 - Like you can't fast forward to the interview.

01:02:05 - Yeah.

01:02:06 - Grow up.

01:02:07 - Yeah, and you can literally go in the information

01:02:08 and be like, interview starts at this number.

01:02:10 - Exactly.

01:02:11 - And you click it and then it's there, right?

01:02:13 - Yes.

01:02:14 - And I'm always saying it so that can just be

01:02:15 our Universal Pet Peeve, so that way we can just,

01:02:17 boom, we hit the Pet Peeve.

01:02:18 - All right, let's hit it, dude.

01:02:19 - Yeah, not hitting, not getting to the episode.

01:02:20 - Universal Pet Peeve also.

01:02:22 - Not getting to the episode fast enough.

01:02:22 - Three-year-old terrorists.

01:02:24 That's also, I just want to put that in there,

01:02:25 a little side dish to the Pet Peeve of the Week.

01:02:27 - But everybody complaining you did not win.

01:02:29 - Huh?

01:02:30 - The people complaining about us

01:02:31 not getting to the interview, they didn't win by this.

01:02:33 - Right, right, right, right.

01:02:34 - Yeah, you're fighting your battles, though.

01:02:35 - We're just acknowledging like, we'll do this one Pet Peeve

01:02:37 because we do have Tom Segura on and he was phenomenal.

01:02:40 - He was great.

01:02:40 - Everybody's gonna love it.

01:02:41 - And a lot of people, one person in particular,

01:02:44 was like, he kinda, doesn't say a whole lot,

01:02:47 you gotta warm him up a little bit from the get-go.

01:02:49 He was fucking on, dude.

01:02:50 It was a great podcast going on.

01:02:52 Let's fucking hit this ad and then rip.

01:02:54 - Yeah.

01:02:57 - And your eyes are popping with that blue on.

01:02:59 - Oh, that fires me up.

01:03:01 - Yeah, that hat's a keeper for you, for sure.

01:03:03 - No, I will, I will take that into--

01:03:06 - Your shirt backwards?

01:03:08 - Yeah.

01:03:09 You know how people would do it back in the day?

01:03:11 They'd wear out that backwards jersey.

01:03:12 - Yeah.

01:03:13 - You know how people would?

01:03:14 - Yeah.

01:03:15 - I don't remember that.

01:03:16 (laughing)

01:03:17 - Hey, Jack knows, Jack sees it.

01:03:20 - I know.

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01:03:47 All their scents are amazing,

01:03:48 but the boys' personal favorite is that midnight swim.

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01:03:55 and not a dip in the hot tub at the Starlit Motel.

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01:04:12 Work harder, smell better.

01:04:14 Back to the episode.

01:04:17 - All right, boys, we are in Barstool HQ.

01:04:20 Everybody's taking the week off, not us.

01:04:22 Finally tracked down the Tom Segura.

01:04:24 We talked to you on FaceTime

01:04:26 while you were shooting "Two Bears, One Cave" one day,

01:04:28 back in March, I believe it was.

01:04:29 - We did.

01:04:30 I think we've been on text threads.

01:04:32 I saw you at the Machine premiere.

01:04:34 It's been a whole thing,

01:04:35 and I thought I was gonna do press run

01:04:37 leading up to the fourth,

01:04:38 and I was like, "I think I'd probably do

01:04:40 a stop in Nashville,"

01:04:41 and then they moved it to this week,

01:04:42 and I was like, "And then you guys said

01:04:43 you were gonna be here."

01:04:44 I was like, "Fuck yeah."

01:04:45 - Well, yeah, we had to pivot because we're fans.

01:04:49 - We are big fans. - Massive fans.

01:04:50 - Oh, thank you.

01:04:51 - And when Taylor and I was going back and forth,

01:04:53 I was like, "It doesn't sound,"

01:04:55 I was texting with your guy,

01:04:56 or we were in that group chat,

01:04:57 I'm like, "It sounds like he might be

01:04:59 coming through Nashville still,

01:05:00 but the people in the Barstool side was like,

01:05:02 "Oh, I think he's just doing New York."

01:05:03 Then we found out you're doing New York.

01:05:04 I was like, "Hey, we gotta get out to New York, dude."

01:05:07 - We usually come out here a lot anyway,

01:05:08 so it was an easy little deal for us.

01:05:10 - It's a fun stop, right?

01:05:11 - It is.

01:05:12 Usually when we come here,

01:05:13 it's like we take the same flight we did this morning,

01:05:15 we, you know, 5 a.m.,

01:05:16 cruise, get here at nine,

01:05:18 and then we spend all day here

01:05:19 and then take the earliest flight out the next day.

01:05:21 - It's kind of a, yeah.

01:05:22 - It's always a surprise. - You didn't get off, get out.

01:05:23 - Do you do a little, like, you know,

01:05:25 enjoy New York, like go to an awesome place for dinner,

01:05:28 that kind of thing, or no?

01:05:29 - No. - No.

01:05:30 - Really? - Not really.

01:05:31 - We usually, like, rip around the corner.

01:05:32 Like, what was that place we went to the other day?

01:05:33 It's like right over here by the hotel.

01:05:34 - Oh, I hate butchering it 'cause it was some fire food.

01:05:37 - But it's like this small little, like, hole in the wall.

01:05:39 - Sometimes those are awesome.

01:05:40 - Yeah, those are awesome.

01:05:41 Do you remember what it's called, JP?

01:05:43 It's like pig something.

01:05:45 - This shit kind of gives me anxiety, though, New York.

01:05:48 It's fucking stressful, man.

01:05:49 - Where'd you grow up?

01:05:50 - I grew up in Arizona.

01:05:52 - Okay, your mall town is there.

01:05:52 - In Cape Crescent, 5,200 people.

01:05:54 - Oh, yeah, this is a big departure.

01:05:55 Yeah, it's crazy.

01:05:57 I'm on the highway and we're in our Uber

01:05:59 and we're driving by.

01:05:59 He's actually watching our special on the way here.

01:06:01 And I'm just looking out at these apartments

01:06:04 with the windows that are so tiny.

01:06:06 And people just live in there.

01:06:07 People live in rooms the size of what we're in right now.

01:06:09 - It's chaos.

01:06:10 It's living in chaos.

01:06:11 - And then we hit the bagel shop, Russ and Daughters.

01:06:13 - Yeah, we hit a bagel shop and I'm thinking to myself,

01:06:15 dude, this is, it literally was like the scene

01:06:18 of a gangster movie where two guys are talking about,

01:06:21 people are still taking tickets.

01:06:22 - Yeah.

01:06:23 We're sitting in there nervous.

01:06:24 Like, do we just wait?

01:06:25 - I have the thing though where I like,

01:06:27 I don't know, man.

01:06:28 I don't have to live in a city like this,

01:06:31 but I have to be able to go to it like fairly regularly

01:06:36 to kind of feel alive in a way.

01:06:38 I need cities.

01:06:39 - We were having that conversation on the flight,

01:06:41 like growing up in small towns,

01:06:42 like you always think when you leave,

01:06:44 like you went to Nebraska, I went to Michigan.

01:06:46 You're like, someday I'm gonna be back in that small town.

01:06:48 Someday I'm gonna be back.

01:06:49 And I went back recently and I remember sitting there going,

01:06:52 brother, if I came back here and just lived here,

01:06:54 I don't think, I think I've like, I've seen too much now.

01:06:57 I've gone outside too much where it's like,

01:06:59 I just can't go back to living that small town life.

01:07:02 It's nothing against the people that live it.

01:07:03 - Could you live in Ann Arbor?

01:07:05 - No.

01:07:06 - No?

01:07:07 - No, but it's more of like a-

01:07:09 - It's a cool city.

01:07:10 - It's a cool city.

01:07:11 However, like I remember playing and then seeing dudes come

01:07:15 be like, yeah, I played here back in the eighties

01:07:16 and stuff like that.

01:07:17 And I would think to myself, man, like go do something.

01:07:19 - Sure.

01:07:20 - Don't let that be the identity.

01:07:21 - But you would-

01:07:22 - But it's also like, it must be like an ego thing.

01:07:24 That's that person.

01:07:25 And like them choosing to be like, yeah, that's who I,

01:07:28 like hoping that that gets them.

01:07:30 But you'd be going there if you wanted to,

01:07:32 to live life is what I'm saying.

01:07:34 You know what I mean?

01:07:35 Like you wouldn't be like, hey, remember me?

01:07:37 - Yeah, exactly.

01:07:38 - I'd be in Lincoln and wearing my Jersey still.

01:07:40 - Oh, you fucking would.

01:07:42 - Hey, yeah.

01:07:43 - You guys remember the boat pulling here?

01:07:44 - I got the best tour of the facilities there.

01:07:48 - Oh really?

01:07:49 Dude, that fires me up.

01:07:49 Don't they roll out the red carpet there, man?

01:07:51 - It was awesome.

01:07:52 - I saw Bert there last week.

01:07:53 I was like, hey, they take good care of you.

01:07:54 And they're like, oh bro, they are the best.

01:07:56 - It's one of my, 'cause I'm, I love college football.

01:07:59 Like I love college football.

01:08:01 I think it's all based on like,

01:08:02 kind of like your household growing up.

01:08:04 - Yeah.

01:08:05 - You know what I mean?

01:08:06 Like kids who, guys who are like, I love baseball.

01:08:07 It's like, yeah, your dad loved baseball, right?

01:08:10 Like that's kind of like what they were exposed to.

01:08:12 So my dad loved college football.

01:08:14 So we were college football.

01:08:15 - What was the team?

01:08:16 That's this ambulance or this fire truck.

01:08:19 - It's just a podcast in New York, man.

01:08:21 - It's just a podcast in New York.

01:08:23 - Yeah, someone just got shot in the head right now.

01:08:26 There's a strike going on, protests.

01:08:30 - A march happening.

01:08:31 What was your squad growing up or still?

01:08:33 - So there's a little bit of like,

01:08:37 I moved a lot as a kid,

01:08:38 but I basically became super hardcore FSU fan.

01:08:43 But I'm like, think about it.

01:08:44 Like I'm born in '79.

01:08:47 So like in the '80s is when I'm watching the game

01:08:51 and like kind of understanding what I'm watching.

01:08:52 And then we moved to Florida.

01:08:54 So if you moved to Florida at the height of in the '90s,

01:08:58 you're gonna pick one of the big three at the time.

01:09:01 And so I was just like big FSU fan.

01:09:04 It's funny because I was thinking about this,

01:09:05 how when you hang out with like,

01:09:07 we talked to like pro players,

01:09:08 sometimes they talk to you like you could have to,

01:09:12 like AJ Hawk was at my house

01:09:15 and we were talking about, he knows I'm a big fan.

01:09:17 And I was, I love like hearing like recruiting story.

01:09:20 Like, how'd you pick, you know, what was it like?

01:09:21 What was the transition like?

01:09:22 And he's like, why didn't you play at FSU?

01:09:25 And I was like, what?

01:09:27 He's like.

01:09:28 - That is such a football thing to say.

01:09:29 - I was like, what?

01:09:30 And he goes, why didn't you play there?

01:09:31 And I go in the late 1990s.

01:09:33 And he's like, yeah, you could have played there.

01:09:35 I was like, what are you talking about?

01:09:36 Who would I have fucking backed up?

01:09:38 Corey Simon, like, what are you talking about, man?

01:09:40 He's like, you could have played there.

01:09:42 I was like, I couldn't have fucking watched their jerseys.

01:09:45 They would have like, he's like, I go, you could,

01:09:47 I think you're thinking, could you have played there?

01:09:49 You could have played there.

01:09:50 I couldn't have fucking,

01:09:52 they wouldn't have let me try out for the team there.

01:09:53 - Did you play ball growing up?

01:09:55 - I played in high school.

01:09:56 He's like, you played.

01:09:56 - I was gonna say, were you a beast?

01:09:58 - Yeah, I mean, I was decent.

01:10:00 I was, you know, I started, I played both ways,

01:10:03 but I wasn't like, I got recruited by D2 schools

01:10:06 and a couple of D3s.

01:10:07 I was gonna play and one of the coaches called me

01:10:09 the week before camp in August.

01:10:12 This is what would have been my freshman year.

01:10:14 And he goes, we're excited to see you.

01:10:15 This is like a small school in Virginia.

01:10:17 And I was like, what?

01:10:18 He's like, you're all ready for tomorrow?

01:10:20 I was like, I'm not coming to school there.

01:10:22 He was like, what?

01:10:23 I was like, oh yeah, you guys called in like June

01:10:28 and said that I had to take a math class

01:10:30 to go to school there.

01:10:32 So I just, I didn't take that class.

01:10:34 - Wasn't gonna happen.

01:10:35 - He was like, you're not coming tomorrow?

01:10:37 Like, he's like, camp starts tomorrow.

01:10:38 I was like, no, I'm going to a different school.

01:10:39 He was like, what the fuck, man?

01:10:41 I was like, nobody told you?

01:10:42 And he was like, no.

01:10:43 - So he just hung up the phone and he's like, whatever.

01:10:45 - Yeah, he was like, I guess we don't have a center.

01:10:48 - So you played college ball?

01:10:49 - No, no, no, no, he almost played college ball.

01:10:51 - And you said you went to another school.

01:10:53 Okay, okay, but not for playing.

01:10:55 - That is a D2 story though,

01:10:56 'cause like, I don't know how it was for you

01:10:58 when you got there.

01:10:59 I got there in like June, my freshman year,

01:11:00 before like going to my freshman year.

01:11:02 You get there a couple months before

01:11:03 and they beat the shit out of you.

01:11:04 - You take senior class, or not senior, summer class.

01:11:06 - Yeah, you take summer classes.

01:11:07 Like you get your first couple of credits in,

01:11:08 dip the toe in before you really hit the full schedule

01:11:10 in the fall, 'cause.

01:11:12 - It's like the football players and the Asians

01:11:13 all take a summer class.

01:11:15 - Yeah, yeah, there's no doubt about it.

01:11:17 - Dude, college football is.

01:11:19 - I love that atmosphere, dude.

01:11:21 I just watched a video last night.

01:11:22 They had a, it was one of those college,

01:11:24 like I follow like a couple of accounts

01:11:26 and they were recapping the 10 loudest moments

01:11:30 of last season.

01:11:31 It was just like random games.

01:11:33 And watching the slides of the 10 loudest moments,

01:11:36 I got goosebumps.

01:11:37 Like I was like, oh, like games I don't even

01:11:39 give a fuck about.

01:11:40 Just hearing, like 'cause the pandemonium

01:11:43 at those games is so different.

01:11:44 Like NFL is, you know, it is the top,

01:11:48 you're the best players, obviously the best game.

01:11:50 But the college atmosphere is so fucking bonkers.

01:11:53 - Oh, you can't, yeah.

01:11:54 The college atmosphere is.

01:11:55 - Like you get the fans, they like have chants,

01:11:57 they do stuff in the fourth quarter.

01:11:58 And it is a totally different scene.

01:12:01 - I'll go to all of them too.

01:12:03 Like people like, yeah, I grew up a FSU,

01:12:05 but like every time we're on tour,

01:12:06 if we're in a college town,

01:12:08 I always like tell my tour manager,

01:12:09 call that fucking school, see if we can do a tour.

01:12:12 I love the tour.

01:12:13 I don't give a fuck if it's SEC, Big 10, Big 12.

01:12:17 I just love being around.

01:12:18 And like, I just like coaches and like, you know,

01:12:22 even like the equipment guys,

01:12:23 they're always like so fired up about it.

01:12:25 They're the best dude.

01:12:26 And they fucking, they're like, all right.

01:12:27 You know, they give you the tour.

01:12:28 They're like, these are the jerseys.

01:12:29 I'm like, give me that shit.

01:12:30 Take all the gloves.

01:12:31 We take it all.

01:12:32 - Hell yeah.

01:12:33 Take all the free stuff you can get.

01:12:34 - Oh, fuck yeah.

01:12:35 - You should do like the recruiting photos and shit too.

01:12:37 Like you should just fully suit it up.

01:12:38 - Oh dude, yeah.

01:12:39 - Put the wristbands on and everything else.

01:12:40 - The craziest thing.

01:12:41 'Cause I was in Buffalo and I got like a tour

01:12:44 of the Bill's place and they have like,

01:12:46 they did a new, they're gonna do a new stadium,

01:12:48 but they have a newer facility.

01:12:50 So for like, you know, it's an NFL's like facility.

01:12:53 Like it's nice, right?

01:12:54 It's like pretty modern.

01:12:55 They're showing us all this shit and they're going,

01:12:57 like, oh, this is pretty impressive.

01:12:58 We go to Baton Rouge and we're like, what is happening?

01:13:03 I mean, it was like Jeff Bezos's like version.

01:13:07 He's like, is this what a college thing's like?

01:13:09 And we were like, I mean, we walked down this hallway

01:13:12 that's dark and I'm like, what's going on?

01:13:14 And it's like lit, but dark.

01:13:16 And then when you turn, you just turn

01:13:19 and these glass doors automatically open.

01:13:22 And then it's like heaven.

01:13:24 It's like super bright.

01:13:27 And you see a silhouette of a LSU player.

01:13:31 And you're like, what the fuck?

01:13:33 And you walk down the hall and then there's like

01:13:35 these statues with different LSU gear.

01:13:37 And they're like, yeah, this is where we take recruits.

01:13:39 I'm like, yeah, they all sign, right?

01:13:41 And they're like, yeah, usually when they get to here,

01:13:42 they're like, I want to come.

01:13:44 And then you turn into the locker room

01:13:46 and it looks like Emirates first-class fucking,

01:13:50 I go, it looks like a first-class.

01:13:51 Like, yeah, that's what we modeled it after.

01:13:52 First-class international chairs.

01:13:55 And they go, we monitored that our players

01:13:58 are not getting enough sleep.

01:13:59 So we encourage them to sleep here.

01:14:01 And then they had an air vent like in where they put

01:14:05 their shit so that it never smells in the locker.

01:14:07 Like all this shit, I was like, what the fuck, man?

01:14:10 It's like a hundred million dollar locker room.

01:14:13 And I was like, all right, this is like-

01:14:15 - That's one of the best facilities

01:14:16 I think we've ever seen.

01:14:18 We were out there in the spring doing our spring tour.

01:14:19 And we got the, you painting that picture,

01:14:21 like especially when you get to the sliding doors

01:14:23 and you go into the locker room.

01:14:24 - The sliding doors are unreal.

01:14:26 - Right, and you imagine like you're 18 and you're like, ah.

01:14:29 - Imagine going to Oregon.

01:14:30 Like we were in high school, '08, '09 graduating.

01:14:34 And that was when like Oregon was at the top of their game.

01:14:36 New uniforms every single week, new uniform styles, Nike.

01:14:39 They're putting everything in there.

01:14:40 And you see the facilities.

01:14:42 College facilities are so much different than NFL facilities.

01:14:44 - I mean, I kind of go like, especially for the guys

01:14:48 that are like literally going from one to the next,

01:14:50 part of you've got to be like, the fuck is this?

01:14:51 - Oh, dude.

01:14:52 - Yeah, but obviously the money goes into the players

01:14:55 in the NFL and the college.

01:14:56 - Right, that's all right.

01:14:57 - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:14:58 - The funny thing about Baton Rouge, and I love Louisiana,

01:15:01 but if you go on campus at LSU, you're like,

01:15:03 this is maybe the nicest place I've ever been in my life.

01:15:06 Like the campus is beautiful.

01:15:07 All the buildings are the same color.

01:15:10 All the plants are perfectly organized.

01:15:12 You step one foot off that campus and you're like,

01:15:15 where the fuck did I just go?

01:15:16 It is like a line is truly drawn.

01:15:19 - Well, we went to, my little sister went to Ole Miss.

01:15:23 And when you're in Oxford, it feels like a movie set

01:15:27 of a college town.

01:15:28 Like when you're in and around campus, you're like,

01:15:31 this feels like make believe.

01:15:33 Like you feel like they're gonna like, oh, all right, cut.

01:15:34 And they're gonna move the fucking wall or something.

01:15:37 But then you like drive out of Oxford and you're like,

01:15:40 all right, we should fucking lock the doors.

01:15:42 This is kind of weird.

01:15:43 - Yeah.

01:15:44 - Get the fuck out of here.

01:15:45 - It's crazy out there like that.

01:15:46 - Mississippi, man.

01:15:46 - What are some of the best spots you've seen

01:15:48 since you like to go on tour wherever you go?

01:15:51 - I mean, honestly, like the LSU thing was mind bending.

01:15:56 I got the Nebraska tour and saw where Endemicon's check one

01:16:03 that was nice to build the--

01:16:05 - The house of Spears, like that weight room.

01:16:07 - Yeah, the weight room's fucking--

01:16:08 - When did you go?

01:16:09 - Two years ago, I think.

01:16:12 - Okay.

01:16:13 - Yeah, we were there that time.

01:16:15 - I was just wondering--

01:16:17 - I heard some cool stories about him.

01:16:20 - About Sue?

01:16:22 - Fuck.

01:16:23 Yeah, they were like, no, he's fucking crazier

01:16:25 than you think.

01:16:26 - Let's hear a couple.

01:16:28 - I don't even know if I should tell these stories.

01:16:30 - I could possibly confirm or deny.

01:16:32 - That it's like a real psychopath playing,

01:16:35 like you're like, this guy's crazy.

01:16:36 Like, no, this guy is crazy.

01:16:39 - Yeah, but it's not like,

01:16:40 definitely in between the white lines,

01:16:42 but not off the field.

01:16:43 - I don't know, but what was that story you told

01:16:46 about getting a ride to the airport or something?

01:16:48 And you thought he was gonna beat the shit out of you.

01:16:50 - Yeah, he said, like, I'll pull the car over

01:16:52 and fucking stomp on you.

01:16:53 - Because I was--

01:16:54 - Wait, you're in a car?

01:16:55 - Just putting Will in a black V-suit.

01:16:57 - We were having lunch somewhere

01:16:59 and then when we were driving him to the airport,

01:17:02 I mustered up the courage to bring up him

01:17:04 stomping on Aaron Rodgers.

01:17:05 I was like, you're gonna,

01:17:06 so you were gonna say that the man upstairs

01:17:08 knows what happened, but you clearly stomped on 12.

01:17:11 And he was like, well, we can pull the car over now and.

01:17:14 - I'll stomp your ass out.

01:17:16 - I'll stomp your ass out.

01:17:18 But you know, that's just fun play.

01:17:19 - Just playing around.

01:17:20 - He's not a psychopath.

01:17:21 - Not at all.

01:17:22 - No, not at all.

01:17:23 That's just fun.

01:17:24 It's just us being dudes.

01:17:25 - It was all, all the stories I heard were like at Nebraska.

01:17:29 'Cause obviously, like everybody's more aware

01:17:31 of the NFL stuff, because on tape,

01:17:34 you can just fucking,

01:17:35 but hey, let's watch a compilation of Sue

01:17:38 trying to kill people.

01:17:39 - Millions of views on YouTube.

01:17:41 - You're like, this is fucking nuts.

01:17:43 - It's crazy.

01:17:44 - And like for a guy that big, that strong,

01:17:46 and that upset.

01:17:49 - Bro, and he never got tired in any of the workouts.

01:17:51 It was truly un-fucking-real.

01:17:54 And even when they say like at Tampa,

01:17:56 because Sue went to Tampa.

01:17:58 - Went to Miami, right?

01:18:00 - No, no, he also played, yeah, he played in Miami too,

01:18:02 but when he played for Tampa a couple years ago.

01:18:04 - He's had multiple stops.

01:18:05 - Yeah, he's had a--

01:18:05 - Detroit, Miami, Tampa, Reims.

01:18:07 - Right, right.

01:18:08 But when he was at Tampa,

01:18:09 I was talking to Levante David,

01:18:11 who is an unreal linebacker.

01:18:13 But I was like, yo, what's Sue like in the locker rooms now?

01:18:15 'Cause we're all kind of like

01:18:16 around the same kind of generation.

01:18:18 And he's like, Sue's one of the savviest businessmen

01:18:21 like in the NFL, like in between meetings,

01:18:23 right after practice, in between all this stuff.

01:18:26 He's like on conference calls, like handling meetings,

01:18:29 like Warren Buffett is like in his council.

01:18:32 It's insane, like the dude is super impressive.

01:18:34 He had an engineering degree at Nebraska,

01:18:36 but an absolute, to your point,

01:18:38 an absolute psychopath on the field.

01:18:39 Like we were at Baylor and he got a penalty

01:18:43 for tackling the quarterback too hard.

01:18:45 This was before all the protecting the quarterback stuff

01:18:47 came out because he essentially like

01:18:48 choked slammed the Baylor quarterback.

01:18:51 It was insane.

01:18:52 - Yeah.

01:18:53 - Kobe McCoy said he was puking up blood

01:18:54 after the Big 12 Championship because he--

01:18:55 - There's a couple stories that I honestly would tell you,

01:18:58 I'll tell you off, I really don't feel like

01:18:59 I should tell you, I should tell you.

01:19:00 - Okay.

01:19:01 - But there's the one that I think is fun to tell

01:19:04 that I heard when I was there was like how,

01:19:06 you know, they do this thing, it's so fucking weird

01:19:09 that when there's bowl games, they're like,

01:19:10 why don't you guys like have dinner together

01:19:12 the night before, like, right?

01:19:13 Like you're having, you're playing Texas in a bowl game.

01:19:17 They're like, how about both teams have dinner?

01:19:20 - They put you in a banquet hall

01:19:21 and they do like cheesy competitions.

01:19:21 - Yeah, the banquet hall dinner and you're like, what?

01:19:23 - Yeah.

01:19:23 - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:19:24 - Even when you're watching it from,

01:19:25 you're like, why are they having dinner?

01:19:26 And then like, everybody's like a table away.

01:19:29 So I guess when, for the bowl game that year,

01:19:33 it was Nebraska, I forget who, maybe Kansas,

01:19:36 Kansas State or something.

01:19:37 - We played when Sue was there, Clemson and Arizona.

01:19:41 - Maybe.

01:19:42 - Holiday Bowl, yeah.

01:19:43 - So there's some bowl guy, let's just say it's Arizona.

01:19:45 So then they go, all right,

01:19:47 and he's having his monster year, right?

01:19:49 Like he's having a unstoppable, he's getting every award.

01:19:53 So they're at the, like the ESPN people come to like dinner

01:19:58 and they're like, how's the chicken?

01:20:00 And they're asking everybody stupid shit.

01:20:02 And then they ask the center for like, let's say Arizona,

01:20:07 like, oh, you have to face Indomitian Sue tomorrow.

01:20:09 And he's won every award for defensive player of the year.

01:20:13 How do you feel about that?

01:20:14 And he goes, I'm not that worried about it.

01:20:17 And he said that when I heard the story,

01:20:19 they said that all the Nebraska guys, they were right.

01:20:22 'Cause they were all sitting together.

01:20:24 They just went like, like they just leaned forward

01:20:27 and they're like, oh shit.

01:20:28 And they saw Sue just like, okay, like eat.

01:20:32 And they were like, we already knew like right then

01:20:34 that it was gonna be a problem.

01:20:38 And he goes in the game, in the game, Sue picked him up,

01:20:42 like basically over his head

01:20:44 and threw him head first down onto his head,

01:20:48 onto the center.

01:20:50 And like he had a neck injury and left the game.

01:20:52 (laughing)

01:20:54 I mean, I was like, God, damn.

01:20:57 - Anytime you played Sue, like it was all,

01:21:00 by the time I got in the league, Sue was out of Detroit

01:21:03 and he was in Miami or whatever.

01:21:04 We played Miami like two to three years in Miami.

01:21:07 And they're like, there's always like older savvy

01:21:10 offensive lineman there.

01:21:11 And they'd be like, whatever you do, do not talk to Sue.

01:21:15 - Just don't talk to him.

01:21:16 - And I was, yeah, like my rookie year and stuff like that

01:21:18 was really mouthy.

01:21:19 And I would talk to, you know,

01:21:20 try to talk shit to everybody.

01:21:22 And then I tried to talk shit to Sue

01:21:24 and he kind of looked at me in the center in the huddle,

01:21:26 grabbed me by the collar and told me to shut the fuck up

01:21:28 'cause I don't have to deal with him.

01:21:29 He's like, shut the fuck up.

01:21:30 You do not talk to him anymore.

01:21:32 And I was like, okay, enough.

01:21:35 He was like a three year, I think it was Brian Schwenke.

01:21:37 - Oh my gosh, the dude is a--

01:21:39 - He was like, like there are those guys in the league

01:21:41 that when they get a little older,

01:21:42 they become a little bit more mellow.

01:21:44 And I think Sue, he signed a massive deal,

01:21:46 a hundred million dollar deal at that point.

01:21:47 Then it was like, just don't do anything.

01:21:50 Don't provoke him, don't poke the bear.

01:21:52 If you poke the bear, bear's gonna eat you.

01:21:53 It'd be like cocaine bear.

01:21:54 You're gonna be done.

01:21:55 Yeah, you'll be fucking done.

01:21:56 - What was your shit talking like?

01:21:58 Like, were you just like--

01:21:59 - My shit talking varied in a lot of different ways.

01:22:00 I'd hit up with the classic, like, you know,

01:22:03 I'm your pussy, that type of stuff.

01:22:06 But then there'd be times like,

01:22:07 the NFL is a super like, it can be homophobic.

01:22:10 A lot of guys, we don't play that shit in the locker room.

01:22:12 So some dude be mouthing off to me.

01:22:14 We were playing the Jags one time

01:22:15 and we were switching quarters.

01:22:16 So like we're like walking in the middle of the field

01:22:18 'cause we're like on the 30 yard line.

01:22:19 So we have to go the opposite 30 yard line.

01:22:21 And one defense lineman, a three technique,

01:22:24 he's walking behind me like,

01:22:25 "I'm here all day, ball, ball, you can't block me."

01:22:27 And I turn around, I'm like, "Bro, you listen.

01:22:29 "If you don't stop talking, I'm gonna suck your dick."

01:22:32 And our center comes out of nowhere,

01:22:34 unprovoked, he goes, "And we swallow here too."

01:22:36 And the rest of the game, he was like, "What the fuck?"

01:22:39 - You fucking, you fucked him up.

01:22:40 - Yeah, if you just say super gay things to NFL players,

01:22:44 like I've had other players like go from like the Raiders

01:22:47 to the Titans and be like, "Hey, what's up with 77?

01:22:49 "Is he actually gay?

01:22:51 "Like what's the deal?"

01:22:52 Like that's, it's a mind game.

01:22:54 - Yeah, it's a mind game.

01:22:54 I mean, when I was at the Raiders, it was like,

01:22:56 "Hey, so what's up with your boy?"

01:22:58 - Yeah.

01:22:59 - It's just my guy, man.

01:23:00 - That's just my guy.

01:23:01 - I'm more of like I champion everybody.

01:23:02 I tell everybody, "That was a solid route.

01:23:04 "That was good, that was good."

01:23:05 'Cause I want, you know, I need as much as I can

01:23:08 to like, I gotta sneak you at some point.

01:23:09 - I've told this story before.

01:23:10 I played in high school against Heath Evans.

01:23:13 He was a fullback for like 10 seasons in the NFL.

01:23:16 He went to a really, we played at small schools in Florida.

01:23:19 And I mean, he was obviously different

01:23:22 than like the average person you played against

01:23:26 in high school.

01:23:27 You're like, "What in the fuck?"

01:23:28 It's like hitting a bank door, you know?

01:23:29 Like every time you're like, "God damn."

01:23:33 I mean, he was just like, he was built different.

01:23:34 He was clearly gonna move on.

01:23:37 And, but, so he played at a school that like,

01:23:40 they were terrible.

01:23:41 He was the star player at a terrible school.

01:23:45 Like that we would beat them, but he would still,

01:23:48 he would play, he played like running back and linebacker.

01:23:50 So he would still have like 18 tackles and 230 yards, right?

01:23:54 But they would lose.

01:23:56 But every single time you, if you tackled them,

01:23:58 I mean, it would take the whole team.

01:24:00 He'd be like, "That was a great tackle."

01:24:01 And you'd be like, "What?"

01:24:03 And like, we were so not, you know, like, who does this?

01:24:05 - Sounds like Andrew Luck.

01:24:06 - And he would like, he would pat us on the back.

01:24:07 He's like, "Great effort."

01:24:08 I was like, "Shut the fuck up, man."

01:24:10 He would do it, it wasn't even for like a series.

01:24:14 It was the entire game.

01:24:15 Great effort, great block.

01:24:17 You did a good job.

01:24:18 - Frustrate the shit out of you.

01:24:19 - Yeah, every time you're like, "What do you do?"

01:24:20 And then, and he's actually, he was religious.

01:24:22 So he would say like, "God bless."

01:24:24 And like do prayer stuff.

01:24:27 And I was like, "Is this, like, are you fucking with me?"

01:24:32 - The funniest thing we talk about like religion

01:24:33 and football, which is-

01:24:34 - There's so many religious guys.

01:24:35 - So many religious guys, but in the locker room

01:24:38 after warmups, there'll be rap music going on

01:24:41 about eating pussy and getting money and doing drugs.

01:24:44 And then it'll cut and I'll be like,

01:24:46 "All right, prayer in the shower."

01:24:47 And everybody like walk in the shower and hold hands.

01:24:49 Then as soon as they walk back out, press play back in.

01:24:52 Fucking bitches getting money and all that stuff.

01:24:54 And you're like, "Hey, does no one see the parody in this?"

01:24:58 - The NFL would never allow,

01:24:59 never allow their shit talking to air.

01:25:01 'Cause they'll release, you know, the mic'd up stuff,

01:25:04 but it's all edited and cut.

01:25:06 That would be such a fucking dream.

01:25:08 - I always said I would pay like $1,000 like season pass,

01:25:12 but go, "Oh, we can hear the guys on that be like,

01:25:14 "Hey, I'm gay, come suck this dick and we'll swallow."

01:25:17 I'd be like-

01:25:17 - The best money, the best spent money you've ever had.

01:25:21 - There's some great shit talkers out there.

01:25:22 I mean, DJ Swearinger, we talk about him from-

01:25:24 - Swagu.

01:25:25 - The Gamecocks.

01:25:26 Like, what was it?

01:25:27 Was it you telling the story about him during-

01:25:29 - The Outback Bowl.

01:25:30 - Yeah, the Outback Bowl pregame and all that.

01:25:32 - Pregame, our returners are catching footballs

01:25:34 and he pushed one of returners out of the way,

01:25:36 caught one of our footballs and kicked it into the stands.

01:25:38 This is at Tampa Bay Stadium for a bowl game.

01:25:40 And he goes, "This is my fucking house.

01:25:41 "Get the fuck out of here."

01:25:42 And I'm in the locker room just warming up

01:25:44 and this little white returner, Drew Dillio,

01:25:46 shout out Drew Dillio, he comes in hot, mad.

01:25:49 And sure enough, it was Swagu.

01:25:51 That dude was-

01:25:51 - Two spoons Swagu, man.

01:25:52 - He is different now.

01:25:54 He was a different cat.

01:25:55 - Whoa.

01:25:56 - Dudes are just like that though.

01:25:57 Some guys, it varies, man.

01:25:59 Some dudes do not say a word.

01:26:00 Some guys are super positive.

01:26:02 Some guys are super negative.

01:26:03 It's like, you never know who you're gonna get.

01:26:04 You just never know.

01:26:05 And it's how, I mean, I think it is how the stress

01:26:10 of competition and what you're about to do

01:26:14 affects everyone differently.

01:26:15 So for some people to perform in that environment,

01:26:19 it's, "Hey, shut down, don't say a word."

01:26:21 For some, it's like the stress of it makes them chirp a lot.

01:26:26 Some of them are like, "I'm gonna stay pot."

01:26:28 That's why you just don't know what you're gonna get.

01:26:29 But it's like the stress of the unknown of battle, right?

01:26:33 Like you don't know what's gonna happen.

01:26:35 And that it manifests itself differently through everybody.

01:26:38 Like, I mean, I seen guys who were like incredible athletes,

01:26:42 incredible athletes shut down, not talk.

01:26:47 They're like, "My game does all my talk."

01:26:49 You know what I mean?

01:26:50 - Which is a cool thing.

01:26:51 - That's like a Rex Burkhead.

01:26:52 Like when Rex was at Nebraska, he was just a baller,

01:26:55 but the dude was like, you know, just head down,

01:26:58 hand the ball to the ref, do his thing.

01:27:00 - And then when that guy does say something,

01:27:01 it's so powerful.

01:27:02 - Yeah.

01:27:04 We had a kid in high school, on our high school team,

01:27:06 who won the 100 and 200 meter track state championship.

01:27:11 This kid is legit fast as fuck.

01:27:14 I mean, he's the 100 meter champion in Florida.

01:27:17 And he's our punt returner and corner.

01:27:19 He's 5'7".

01:27:21 He ended up playing at Citadel, a corner at Citadel,

01:27:24 but like he's 5'7", 160 pounds

01:27:26 and looks like a fucking, like a bodybuilder.

01:27:29 - Like a Tyree Hill type?

01:27:30 - Yeah, dude.

01:27:31 Like, and you're in high school

01:27:32 and you're like, this guy is fucking, this is insane.

01:27:35 Like his, how talented he is.

01:27:37 And he was super religious and they would,

01:27:41 he was a workhorse.

01:27:42 Like he won games.

01:27:43 You know what I mean?

01:27:44 Like there's games we definitely would have lost it.

01:27:46 Like he took a punt back, kickoff, just, and people,

01:27:50 you know, when we played teams with like those bad-ass dudes

01:27:53 that would talk mad shit,

01:27:54 he would always, always just hand the ball to the ref,

01:27:57 never say anything.

01:27:58 And then one time we played these punk mother,

01:28:01 like these guys that were such fucking dirty shit bags.

01:28:05 And when they tried to hurt him and he popped up,

01:28:08 well, he was, you can suck on my left nut to this kid.

01:28:10 And we were all like, oh shit.

01:28:12 Like, Jay says that shit?

01:28:14 Like, we just couldn't, we couldn't believe it.

01:28:15 But like everybody for like a week,

01:28:18 we're just like going to practice.

01:28:19 We're like, suck on my left nut.

01:28:20 He's like, I was just, you know.

01:28:22 - In the moment.

01:28:23 - I almost apologized for it after the game.

01:28:24 - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:28:25 - I'm sorry I spoke up during that drive.

01:28:26 - I think it's insane how dudes can talk shit

01:28:28 and play at a high level.

01:28:29 'Cause I'm thinking like my conditioning

01:28:31 can't take all that.

01:28:32 Like, I'm just trying to get back to the huddle,

01:28:34 relay the play.

01:28:35 I'm thinking how these dudes just run their mouth all the time.

01:28:37 - You have so much responsibility

01:28:38 as a linebacker with the green dot.

01:28:39 - Yeah, like, and I, you know,

01:28:41 you just like settle jokes out there.

01:28:42 It's like, you know, I can't remember,

01:28:44 but the first time we played,

01:28:45 I know like we tapped helmets,

01:28:46 but if I'm like tapping a white guy out there on the SMA,

01:28:48 I can't believe we're out here, am I right?

01:28:50 - Yeah, yeah, we get it, huh?

01:28:50 - Just get back to the fucking thing.

01:28:52 I remember Greg Olson, I've told this story before,

01:28:54 but Greg Olson, I finally had my opportunity to start.

01:28:57 It was like my second or third game starting, I believe.

01:29:00 And I remember breaking up a pass over the middle.

01:29:02 He just, you know, buttoned up over the middle

01:29:03 and I broke it up and did the little, you know,

01:29:05 I did the little incomplete thing

01:29:06 and then I webbed him like Spider-Man.

01:29:08 He goes, "Who the fuck are you?

01:29:09 What are you like third string?"

01:29:10 And I was like, "Hey, I work for this spot, man.

01:29:12 I work for this spot."

01:29:14 And then like during the time how he comes over,

01:29:16 he like taps me on the helmet and he's like,

01:29:17 "Hey man, I'm really sorry for saying that.

01:29:19 Like, I know you work hard.

01:29:20 I know this and that."

01:29:20 I was like, "Oh, dude, it's all good, bro.

01:29:22 It's all good, yeah."

01:29:23 That is like, fuck, that's actually impressive

01:29:26 to like, "Hey man, I respect you."

01:29:29 - Exactly.

01:29:30 - You know what I mean?

01:29:31 - Absolutely.

01:29:32 - Also, if I hurt you in an emotional way, I don't.

01:29:34 - Yeah, yeah.

01:29:36 The weirdest thing is playing against people

01:29:37 that you grew up watching.

01:29:39 - Yeah.

01:29:39 - Like we played the Raiders my second or third year

01:29:41 and Charles Woodson was there.

01:29:43 And I remember we were like on a timeout on my head, dude.

01:29:45 And like, "You're fucking awesome."

01:29:47 And it was so weird just to say it.

01:29:47 And he's like, "Thanks, young blood, appreciate that.

01:29:49 All right, I appreciate it."

01:29:50 I'm like, "I'm gonna get the fuck out of here.

01:29:52 You gotta just go back to the hotel."

01:29:53 And you're like, "How old?"

01:29:54 He's like, "I'm 42."

01:29:55 And you're like, "You're fucking 42 years old."

01:29:56 - It's crazy.

01:29:57 - It's crazy how lucky.

01:29:58 - Playing DB.

01:29:59 - And like, I don't know if that's like,

01:30:01 'cause you hear stories,

01:30:02 but like the stories about Woodson

01:30:04 that people have said, they're like,

01:30:05 "Yeah, he just like, is that,

01:30:08 like he's not killing himself in the weight room

01:30:11 or like he's just that good."

01:30:13 - He's better than everybody.

01:30:14 - Yeah.

01:30:15 - I heard he was like an absolute, you know, study.

01:30:19 He was all about it, like the film room and everything else.

01:30:21 - That's the thing that impresses me the most

01:30:23 when I watch like these pieces on players.

01:30:26 'Cause you just, as a spectator, you just go like,

01:30:29 "Oh, this is like a super gifted athlete."

01:30:31 We've seen, like you see athletes and you're like,

01:30:33 "Wow, this guy's so just blessed, right?"

01:30:37 With his like physical abilities.

01:30:39 Is that when you hear how committed some people are

01:30:42 to studying shit, you're like,

01:30:43 "Oh, that's why they're great."

01:30:46 Like they are gifted.

01:30:47 - Right.

01:30:48 - But the dedication is other level.

01:30:50 - That's what keeps people in the league for a while too,

01:30:52 is just the ability to play from the neck up

01:30:54 and everything else because your body ends up breaking down.

01:30:56 Like, yeah, you got to stay on top of your body

01:30:57 and everything else.

01:30:58 I appreciate that.

01:30:59 You got to stay on top of your body and everything else.

01:31:01 But that is like, that's where the majority of the league,

01:31:03 the guys that like stick around for a long time,

01:31:05 you have to like-

01:31:05 - I love this shit.

01:31:06 - You have to be, if you're not a starter,

01:31:08 if you're not out there on the field,

01:31:09 you have to be like just a dependable backup

01:31:11 and somebody like in my position

01:31:12 and then like play special teams.

01:31:14 - Yeah.

01:31:15 - But yeah, you always hear the stories

01:31:17 about like some of the greats that people come from,

01:31:20 players that come from other teams

01:31:21 and they're coming on your team

01:31:22 and they're telling you about these guys

01:31:23 that you look up to on other teams

01:31:24 and they're like, man, so-and-so's in the building

01:31:27 doesn't leave till like seven or eight at night

01:31:28 and everything else.

01:31:29 And you're just kind of like fascinated by it.

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01:32:45 Back to the episode.

01:32:46 - Tony Gonzalez told me this thing

01:32:49 that I thought was such a cool little insight.

01:32:52 So he played, what, 17 seasons?

01:32:54 - Yeah, he was nuts.

01:32:55 - At tight end.

01:32:56 It's fucking insane.

01:32:57 And he's like, I'm asking him,

01:32:59 'cause he's like, fine.

01:33:01 He just walks around, you're like, you're okay?

01:33:03 And he's like, well, he goes,

01:33:05 I figured out that if I caught a ball

01:33:09 and I see the guy coming right here

01:33:12 and I'm on the sideline and I just cover up,

01:33:16 if he's coming this way,

01:33:17 I'll just start to fall with the hit.

01:33:22 He goes, so a lot of times you would hear like, ooh,

01:33:25 'cause it would look like I got blown up.

01:33:27 He's like, I was already going in that direction

01:33:31 so that the hit wouldn't have the same level of impact.

01:33:36 'Cause if I lean in, I'm gonna fucking lean into him,

01:33:38 it's gonna be a, we're gonna hit,

01:33:39 and I'm gonna feel it more.

01:33:40 But if I know I'm about to get hit this way

01:33:43 and I lean that way, he's like, it's less impact.

01:33:46 And I was like, oh, that's fucking,

01:33:47 like it was like most people,

01:33:49 or a lot of people I guess would go,

01:33:50 no, no, I'm gonna like,

01:33:51 I'm gonna put my shoulder into this shit.

01:33:53 And he was like, no, no, no.

01:33:53 I was like, I'm trying to minimize the damage.

01:33:56 He's like, I'm doing that for like 12 of the seasons I play.

01:34:00 - Did the ability to displace ego.

01:34:02 - That's a big displacement of ego.

01:34:03 - Yeah, if you're, a lot of guys are like,

01:34:05 I'm gonna try to show how hard I can run this.

01:34:07 And then as you get older, you learn like,

01:34:08 hey, this isn't forever.

01:34:09 How can I make this as long as possible?

01:34:11 Sounds like fucking did it.

01:34:13 - Yeah, dude.

01:34:14 I saw Stefan Diggs shoulder pads

01:34:18 and they look like paper plates.

01:34:20 And I was like, how the fuck?

01:34:21 And the guy's like five, seven or something.

01:34:24 And there's just like, yeah,

01:34:25 but like when he sees the guy, he just like scoots down.

01:34:29 - I mean, remember, what's his name?

01:34:31 Is it Michael Bennett,

01:34:32 the D tackle for the Seahawks or the D end?

01:34:35 Remember he would basically, the more like nothing.

01:34:37 - Yeah, he would cut there.

01:34:38 There was like a one big shoulder pad

01:34:39 and then a shoulder pad that went here.

01:34:40 He'd cut those off and tuck his Jersey in.

01:34:42 Where the baggiest Jersey and shit.

01:34:44 - Yeah, this is something I completely don't understand

01:34:47 is like how you got, like when you start watching

01:34:51 and you know, like you play in high school

01:34:52 and you're all padded up and you see college

01:34:55 and then you see NFL guys and you're like,

01:34:56 are there no leg pads?

01:34:58 Like, doesn't everyone,

01:34:59 aren't everyone's legs fucking hurting?

01:35:01 Like just like just the pants on you.

01:35:03 Like there's no thigh pads anymore.

01:35:05 Like it's kind of swag.

01:35:07 - Hip pads kind of go away in college.

01:35:09 - Yeah, hip pads kind of went away in college.

01:35:11 You'd have like the girdles or whatever.

01:35:13 - And then you kind of just go to a girdle

01:35:14 or something that can,

01:35:15 with like the most small pad just to see like,

01:35:17 you're just making sure you don't get in trouble.

01:35:19 Like you're wearing the right appropriate attire.

01:35:22 And then eventually you just stop like,

01:35:24 really wearing anything.

01:35:25 - That's really crazy though.

01:35:26 - Yeah, it's nuts.

01:35:26 - 'Cause you're shedding things as competition gets higher

01:35:31 and as everyone is bigger, faster and stronger,

01:35:34 you're like, yeah, just fucking let it go.

01:35:35 - But also like- - A little bit more.

01:35:36 - You know, I know a lot of people,

01:35:38 it's like you wanna wear,

01:35:39 you wanna be like as light as possible

01:35:41 because the game gets faster at every level

01:35:43 and everything else.

01:35:43 So you're trying to feel as free as possible

01:35:46 while also like trying to be a little bit protected.

01:35:49 - And I think it plays into looking better too.

01:35:51 - Yeah, I was gonna say the legs tough.

01:35:52 - A lot of guys with like the bigger bulkier pads,

01:35:53 it's like not a good look.

01:35:54 - So it's all about looking good.

01:35:56 - It's not all about that.

01:35:57 - Some swag, you know what I mean?

01:35:58 Get a little- - You wanna,

01:35:58 I mean, you see the guys,

01:35:59 we all got the socks low or high.

01:36:01 - Yeah, yeah. - A bunch of little things

01:36:02 on there.

01:36:03 Like there are dudes in there hours before the game

01:36:05 getting their little shit right,

01:36:07 the little black stuff. - Really?

01:36:08 - Yeah, oh yeah.

01:36:09 They do a whole bunch of stuff.

01:36:10 - Absolutely, anytime you get a comment like,

01:36:11 "Hey, come on, man, you gotta do a little bit better

01:36:13 "than that," you're just thinking,

01:36:14 get me right, get me right.

01:36:15 - That might be the worst trip he gets all day.

01:36:17 Like you're just like, man, they're kind of killing.

01:36:18 Like you kind of wanna look good.

01:36:19 You wanna look like you can do something.

01:36:20 - Yeah, yeah. - Like a dark visor.

01:36:21 I wore a dark visor. - Have to, yes.

01:36:23 - It's the best looking,

01:36:24 it's the best looking piece of attire in the NFL.

01:36:26 - Those are tight.

01:36:27 And they used to have like in the '90s,

01:36:30 they had like the orange, like the reflective gold.

01:36:33 - Yeah, back when they like allowed that, dude, I know.

01:36:37 - 'Cause you see a linebacker over the middle,

01:36:39 just like this, and he looks like a Terminator

01:36:41 or something, right?

01:36:42 Like you just see gold reflective sheen.

01:36:46 You don't see eyes, you're like,

01:36:46 "Ooh, this is a badass look."

01:36:48 Like that shit was tight.

01:36:50 - Just picturing like a Ray Lewis from my hand.

01:36:51 - Yes, dude. - With the orange,

01:36:53 and then you see the little ring go down

01:36:55 with that linebacker face mask, just roaming the middle.

01:36:58 - That really is swag.

01:36:59 Like those teams were like,

01:37:01 I remember when we were in high school,

01:37:03 I went to the, you get taped up,

01:37:05 and I asked the, there was a lady that taped us.

01:37:08 I was like, "Will you give me the Bruce Smith tape?"

01:37:11 You remember his tape?

01:37:13 It would come over the hand, like it was like a boxer's tape.

01:37:15 So his hand was taped in addition to the wrist.

01:37:18 It was like wrist, and then here, and she was like, "No."

01:37:21 (laughing)

01:37:22 And I was like, "No."

01:37:24 She's like, "For what?"

01:37:24 I was like, "For my fucking hand."

01:37:26 I was like, "Bruce Smith has."

01:37:28 She's like, "You ain't Bruce Smith."

01:37:29 - That's so funny.

01:37:30 High school trainers are hilarious.

01:37:32 They're just like catching hours.

01:37:34 They wanna tape the minimal amount of people

01:37:36 they possibly can. - Of course.

01:37:37 - But that, hey, tape goes away too in the NFL.

01:37:40 - Tape does? - Like people,

01:37:41 some people, as you get older, as I got older at least,

01:37:44 I stopped taping my ankles, stopped taping

01:37:45 the whole bunch of stuff. - Did you really?

01:37:46 - Yeah. - I always felt so much more

01:37:49 like secure. - Stable?

01:37:50 - Yeah, secure. - You start to learn

01:37:51 about the body though.

01:37:52 And if you immobilize the ankle,

01:37:53 then it puts more pressure on the knee,

01:37:55 which puts more pressure on the hip,

01:37:56 and then it's the back, and you start to like--

01:37:57 - Really, and what about up here though?

01:37:59 Nothing either?

01:38:00 - I went from tape, and I started wearing wrist guards.

01:38:02 So you just kinda strap 'em on real fast,

01:38:03 and then I broke this thumb.

01:38:05 So I had to put like a little brace on there,

01:38:06 and then I'd tape like these two fingers.

01:38:08 - Do you remember everybody having tons of shit on,

01:38:11 and then Reggie White just was like,

01:38:12 "Just put the jersey on." (laughs)

01:38:14 Like just no gloves, and then just take people and go.

01:38:18 - I always think it's badass when you see the dudes

01:38:19 just have their like fingers taped.

01:38:22 - Yeah, the fingers taped.

01:38:23 - You kinda just wave on 'em a little bit.

01:38:25 I feel like I got it. - Not for guys

01:38:26 with their hand in the dirt.

01:38:27 - I think that shit is lame.

01:38:28 - I'm thinking of like DBs.

01:38:29 - Yeah, DBs, yeah, that looks hard.

01:38:31 But like a dude with his hand in the ground,

01:38:33 and he's got his knuckles in, like bro, you ain't, come on.

01:38:35 (laughs)

01:38:36 Like if you don't wear gloves, you're a psychopath to me.

01:38:38 - Yeah. - The thought of hitting

01:38:39 somebody without gloves on--

01:38:40 - Yeah, yeah, I couldn't do that.

01:38:41 - Is like, get the fuck outta here.

01:38:42 - Can you imagine him though,

01:38:43 like he would just show up completely nothing,

01:38:46 and then take like a 330 pound guy with that hump move,

01:38:51 and go like this, and you see the guy

01:38:54 like just go falling down. - Fly.

01:38:55 - Flying down.

01:38:56 Like he'd launch a guy like 10 yards.

01:38:58 - There is nothing more embarrassing

01:39:00 than getting put on the ground like that.

01:39:01 - Has to be, right?

01:39:02 - Unless you just catch one in the throat,

01:39:04 and get put on your ass, and then they make the sack,

01:39:06 and you're just like, dude, I am nothing.

01:39:08 - What feels worse?

01:39:10 Getting like, having somebody stronger than you toss you,

01:39:16 or somebody so fast that they just are past you,

01:39:20 and you're like, fuck, that like they're back here,

01:39:23 and you're like, what just happened?

01:39:24 - Whiffing on somebody is tough,

01:39:26 but I feel like for me, I could always like,

01:39:28 in my mind be like,

01:39:29 "K, you gotta change these couple of things."

01:39:30 There's no worse feeling

01:39:32 than having another man's hands on you,

01:39:33 and not have, you can't do anything about it.

01:39:35 - You can't do it, yeah.

01:39:35 - And you're just like,

01:39:36 I guess we're just gonna go where you wanna go today.

01:39:38 - Wow, yeah.

01:39:39 - That's a tough feeling.

01:39:40 That's the worst feeling actually ever.

01:39:42 - It has to be too for like an old lineman.

01:39:44 Like I just feel like guys in the trenches,

01:39:45 'cause I know for me, it's like,

01:39:46 you get outrun, or you get beat on your feet,

01:39:48 I'm thinking, goddammit, they were all right.

01:39:50 You know what I mean?

01:39:51 - Yeah.

01:39:52 - Goddammit, I know coaches over there,

01:39:53 like we should not have fucking ran cover one

01:39:55 with Compton in the game.

01:39:57 But like, if I get bodied or something,

01:39:59 you're kind of just like, fuck, on the way down,

01:40:01 but you know, like Marshawn Lynch,

01:40:04 we always get got.

01:40:05 - Everyone gets got.

01:40:06 - But I feel like as an old lineman,

01:40:08 it's gotta be like a demoralizing thing,

01:40:10 like you just get manhandled in the trenches,

01:40:11 and you're like, you're a guy in the trenches.

01:40:14 - That has to be. - That's a tough feeling.

01:40:15 - Yeah.

01:40:15 - When you stopped playing football,

01:40:17 when did you start comedy?

01:40:18 When was that like, when did you know that was a path?

01:40:20 - Great transition, by the way.

01:40:21 - Thank you, bro. - That was good.

01:40:22 - We just been fucking talking ball the whole time.

01:40:24 - We've lowered as well now.

01:40:25 - That's all I wanna talk about.

01:40:28 I mean, so I get to college, I realize like,

01:40:32 you know, I'm not, it is weird,

01:40:34 'cause it becomes like, I mean, you have more of it,

01:40:37 like, you know, it's like your identity,

01:40:38 you're like, oh, people are like, what are you?

01:40:39 Like, I play football.

01:40:40 In high school, you're like, I'm a football player.

01:40:42 That's what you think you are.

01:40:43 And then you get to college, and you're like, I'm not.

01:40:46 I'm definitely, like, there's players

01:40:47 that go into team meetings, I'm like, I'm ready to go.

01:40:49 I'm like, oh, I don't play football.

01:40:50 And then you're just like, I don't know,

01:40:53 I mean, I loved doing comedy,

01:40:55 so I'm making like comedy videos, you know?

01:40:57 But like, it's not even for, it's not the internet.

01:41:01 It's not like, I wanna share this video.

01:41:03 It's like, they're like, make a video

01:41:05 for a communications class that's boring.

01:41:09 Like, do a video about like, how the security works

01:41:17 in the building, you know, do like,

01:41:19 show us that you can do like a transition shot.

01:41:20 And then I would make mine like a comedic version of it,

01:41:25 you know, and then they were like,

01:41:26 the teacher would be like, the fuck is this, right?

01:41:28 Like, 'cause I was trying to make it funny.

01:41:31 And then the more you do that, the more you're like,

01:41:34 I like this, I like this, right?

01:41:36 So I keep making like comedy-esque sketches,

01:41:41 but like for assignments.

01:41:43 And then when I finally get out of college,

01:41:47 I get out in 2001, I graduate.

01:41:53 And then, yeah, in June of 2001,

01:41:56 and then I moved to LA January, 2002.

01:42:00 Like, I actually, I remember that I arrive in LA

01:42:04 January, 2002 on the day that it's a bowl game.

01:42:09 It's Ohio State, Miami is playing that,

01:42:12 like a big time bowl game.

01:42:14 And then I start going to improv classes

01:42:19 at the Groundlings, which is like this renowned place

01:42:22 where a lot of SNL people have come from.

01:42:25 I start doing that in like April of 2002.

01:42:28 And I have guys that are in the class that are like,

01:42:30 you should try standup.

01:42:31 Like, they're just telling me, like,

01:42:32 you should try standup, you would like standup.

01:42:35 I was like, all right, 'cause they did standup.

01:42:37 And then a couple of them were like,

01:42:38 'cause I was like, what do you do?

01:42:41 Like, I mean, I've seen standup,

01:42:42 but like, how do you start?

01:42:44 So I kind of tail them.

01:42:46 They're like, just watch me, I'm gonna do spots tonight.

01:42:48 So they go and do like a spot here, a spot there.

01:42:51 I just follow them around.

01:42:52 And then one of them walks me into a place.

01:42:56 And like, when the lady is like, oh, what's up?

01:42:59 To this guy, Nick, he's like, oh, this is Tom,

01:43:01 he's a comic.

01:43:02 And I'm like, what's up?

01:43:05 And she was like, oh, do you wanna do,

01:43:06 I have like an opening next Saturday,

01:43:09 you wanna do that spot?

01:43:10 And I was like, yeah.

01:43:12 - Oh shit.

01:43:13 - And then she was like, all right, you're booked.

01:43:14 And then it just kind of, and then I was like,

01:43:15 I'm doing a spot next Saturday?

01:43:16 Like I've never written material or done.

01:43:19 And so then it was just on from,

01:43:21 like once I did it, it is that like addictive,

01:43:24 you either are gonna be like, I'm not doing that again,

01:43:26 or like, I gotta do that again.

01:43:28 And it was just like that.

01:43:29 So that was 2002.

01:43:31 And then it was just a slow, you know,

01:43:33 I used to do like one spot, like every two months.

01:43:38 And I'd be like, yeah, I've been doing some,

01:43:40 doing some standup, thinking that that's a lot.

01:43:42 I mean, I just didn't know.

01:43:43 Like you have no kind of frame of reference for it.

01:43:46 And the big clubs seem like so intimidating.

01:43:49 So I would just do like smaller shows, you know,

01:43:52 like someone would be like,

01:43:52 come to this bar and do a show.

01:43:53 And I was kind of like scared to go into the clubs.

01:43:57 And then it just kind of just, you know,

01:43:59 slow progression like grew from there.

01:44:01 - Yeah.

01:44:02 When did it like your first big break come

01:44:04 with like breaking into the scene?

01:44:06 - Well, I mean, one of my friends was actually,

01:44:10 working for Jay Moore and Jay,

01:44:14 and he recommended me to be an opener

01:44:16 and Jay let me do some openings.

01:44:18 So that was definitely a break because the improvs,

01:44:22 like that own so many clubs, they, before Jay,

01:44:27 I was like, can I, you know, work here?

01:44:31 And they gave me a showcase.

01:44:32 I always tease the guy now, whenever I see him,

01:44:35 his name is Matt Komen.

01:44:37 I go, I got up and I had a good set.

01:44:39 Like, you know, when you have, like, there's no, like,

01:44:42 you can be delusional, but I'm like,

01:44:44 I know when I don't do well.

01:44:46 I did well.

01:44:47 And I was like, what's up?

01:44:48 He goes, you definitely have something.

01:44:49 Like, just keep at it.

01:44:50 And I was like, and that was it.

01:44:52 Like he wouldn't get, I was like, I have something.

01:44:54 And he was like, yeah, just keep at it.

01:44:56 And I'm like, okay.

01:44:57 And he didn't book me.

01:44:58 But then when Jay requested me to open,

01:45:02 then they were like, now you can do spots.

01:45:05 You know what I mean?

01:45:06 Like he gave the green light

01:45:08 and then they were like, now you can do spots.

01:45:10 So that was a big deal

01:45:12 because then I could work more regularly,

01:45:14 get on stage more.

01:45:16 So that was one.

01:45:17 I did a couple of things on Comedy Central

01:45:19 when people actually watched Comedy Central

01:45:22 and like, there was standup on there.

01:45:24 - You're like, with the little 30 minute sets or whatever.

01:45:26 - Yeah, that was, I thought that was actually,

01:45:28 for some people that changed their careers.

01:45:32 It was called Comedy Central Presents.

01:45:34 And that was actually the goal, right?

01:45:38 Like the goal was to get,

01:45:40 'cause everybody who you fucking admired

01:45:43 had done Comedy Central Presents.

01:45:45 So like, I just kept, I mean, that's all I wanted to do.

01:45:48 So I did one of their shows, it was called Live at Gotham.

01:45:52 That was, it used to be called Premium Blend.

01:45:54 And then they made a new version called Live at Gotham.

01:45:57 It was here at the Gotham Comedy Club in New York.

01:46:00 I did that show.

01:46:01 That was supposed to be like the precursor

01:46:02 to like getting a present.

01:46:03 So then you would submit,

01:46:05 what you do is you send in fucking tape or DVD.

01:46:09 - Oh shit.

01:46:10 - Yeah, and you'd be like, here's my 30 minute set.

01:46:12 And then the lady was like,

01:46:15 you're gonna get one, but not this year.

01:46:16 And you're like, all right.

01:46:17 So you'd work a whole other year, send in another set.

01:46:20 And she was like, this is really good, not this year.

01:46:25 You're like, fuck.

01:46:26 And then the third year I got it.

01:46:28 And then I remember I had a good presents

01:46:32 'cause some people like, it's one of those things

01:46:33 where like, it's like having like a bad combine outing.

01:46:37 You know, like you go, fuck.

01:46:39 Like, I don't know, I just didn't run well.

01:46:42 I didn't, I threw up 225 eight times.

01:46:44 Like this sucks.

01:46:45 That happens to people.

01:46:47 And they're still good.

01:46:48 And so that happens on these tapings where you're like,

01:46:50 I hope this goes, and it went well.

01:46:53 And I remember the lady that was producing it goes,

01:46:56 this is gonna change your road life, like touring.

01:47:00 I was like, fuck.

01:47:01 And I didn't wanna like show too much emotion.

01:47:03 I was like, fuck yes.

01:47:06 And then they open the new season

01:47:08 and still popular at the time.

01:47:09 This is end of 20, going into 2011.

01:47:12 I'm like the featured like highlight new season

01:47:16 of comedy of presents.

01:47:19 And then it aired and you see the tweets and shit.

01:47:23 And you're like, fuck, are things like about to change?

01:47:25 Man, shit didn't change at all.

01:47:27 Like nothing changed.

01:47:28 And I was like, I mean.

01:47:31 Got your hopes up a little bit.

01:47:32 I mean, internally.

01:47:34 - This is gonna change your life.

01:47:35 You gotta think, you're probably thinking

01:47:37 this woman knows everything.

01:47:38 - Yeah, and she produced all the Carlin specials.

01:47:41 So she's like, I mean the real deal.

01:47:46 And she was like, she's like trying to like produce

01:47:49 other things with me.

01:47:50 She's like, you're gonna see like your life change.

01:47:53 And I was like.

01:47:53 - You're trying to just like not get too excited.

01:47:57 It'd be like someone being like,

01:47:58 you're gonna get a phone call tomorrow from the chiefs.

01:48:01 Like, I know you're enjoying college right now,

01:48:04 but things are about to change.

01:48:05 And you're like, okay.

01:48:07 You just kind of like, all right, cool.

01:48:09 And then chiefs are like, who?

01:48:11 I don't know, like you're just like, what the fuck?

01:48:13 So they, you know, you just keep going.

01:48:17 I remember like the big bump was that I think club,

01:48:19 a club was paying me 1500 a week to do six shows.

01:48:23 And they went to 1850 and they're like, see?

01:48:26 Your life has changed.

01:48:27 You're like, all right, great.

01:48:28 So you just keep doing that.

01:48:30 And then I did in 2013, I shot my first Netflix special,

01:48:34 but it wasn't for Netflix.

01:48:35 It was shot on spec, which means you pay to,

01:48:38 somebody pays for the production and then you have it.

01:48:42 And then they shop it.

01:48:44 So they sent it to like Comedy Central.

01:48:46 That's where you wanted to be.

01:48:47 People don't remember.

01:48:48 That's where you wanted to be.

01:48:50 And Comedy Central passed.

01:48:51 They're like, no.

01:48:53 And then they sent it to Showtime and they were like, no.

01:48:56 And HBO was like, are you fucking out of your mind?

01:48:58 And then Netflix took it and it was like a consolation prize.

01:49:03 It was like, well, the USFL is back.

01:49:06 - Which is wild to think about now.

01:49:09 'Cause that's where everybody wants to be now

01:49:11 is Netflix, right?

01:49:12 - Oh yeah.

01:49:12 Because it's just like, it's the eyeballs.

01:49:15 I mean, this thing is always changing.

01:49:16 We don't know what's gonna happen in next year or five.

01:49:19 I mean, I'm sure the landscape will change,

01:49:22 but for the last decade, it is Netflix.

01:49:26 Netflix is where you wanna be.

01:49:27 And so when they told me we're going there,

01:49:30 I was like, you mean the place you send DVDs to?

01:49:34 - Fuck.

01:49:35 - Yeah, that's what it was.

01:49:37 And it was a slow, it was a thing.

01:49:38 It wasn't like it came out and then I was like, oh shit.

01:49:40 It was slow.

01:49:41 Like it was like, I would do a club and they were like,

01:49:45 you sold some tickets this week.

01:49:48 I was like, oh really?

01:49:48 I wasn't even thinking about the special.

01:49:50 'Cause it was like five months later.

01:49:52 And then all of a sudden they're like,

01:49:54 hey, you sold out the club.

01:49:55 And I was like, for real?

01:49:57 We weren't like, oh, it's the special.

01:49:58 We were like, how did that happen?

01:50:00 And then it started to go like,

01:50:01 oh, this special has gotten traction.

01:50:05 I was like, no way.

01:50:06 But it was very slow.

01:50:07 And by the end of the year, they were like,

01:50:10 you're selling out every show at the club.

01:50:11 - How fired up, hearing that, getting that kind of feedback,

01:50:14 like, man, it's really starting to get around.

01:50:16 - It is fucking, it's amazing.

01:50:18 It is amazing.

01:50:19 And you, you know, it's like, you don't wanna boast.

01:50:23 You don't wanna go like, fuck yeah.

01:50:24 You're just kind of like, is this for real?

01:50:25 Like, you can't believe it's real.

01:50:27 You can't believe it's real.

01:50:28 Because like, it's so hard, you know, to grind,

01:50:33 like, you're just like working at it.

01:50:35 And at the time, I mean, whatever, that's 10,

01:50:37 I was 34, 35, like, you've been doing it for 12 years.

01:50:42 And you're like, I don't know if it's ever gonna

01:50:43 change much from this.

01:50:45 And then to find, like, to sell out the clubs.

01:50:48 And you're like, you just can't believe

01:50:50 that people are out there and like full.

01:50:52 And they're just, they want, and they're like,

01:50:54 are they like, I saw your shit.

01:50:55 And it's fucking, they love it.

01:50:57 You can't believe it.

01:50:58 And not to mention that you get like real checks.

01:51:00 You're like, this is crazy.

01:51:01 - Real money.

01:51:02 - It's crazy.

01:51:04 Every level of it is crazy.

01:51:05 But at first it seems like, like Monopoly money.

01:51:10 You're like, this is what I used to make in a year.

01:51:14 You know, like that, like for real, like a year.

01:51:17 - God, what a feeling.

01:51:18 - Yeah.

01:51:19 - What a fucking feeling that is.

01:51:20 - It's crazy.

01:51:21 It is a crazy feeling.

01:51:22 - It's gotta be.

01:51:23 - And just hearing the, you know,

01:51:25 obviously you like love ball and everything else.

01:51:26 And then talk about high school and then like,

01:51:28 damn, you wanted to play in college and everything else.

01:51:30 So obviously that competitive nature and that fire is there.

01:51:32 So when you are starting to sell out

01:51:33 and start to get over the hump and everything else,

01:51:35 like you can imagine the energy that he had

01:51:38 when he's realizing like,

01:51:40 yo, it's starting to fucking happen.

01:51:41 - Yeah.

01:51:42 - Yeah, it was, it was, it's like, it's beyond.

01:51:45 And I kinda, you know, I know it

01:51:46 because I've experienced it now.

01:51:48 So when I see it happening for other comics,

01:51:49 like I'm very excited for them.

01:51:52 Like I know what's happening to you right now, you know?

01:51:54 - Is it, is that a split world?

01:51:55 The comic world?

01:51:56 Is there guys that are like,

01:51:57 for the most part, are comics excited for other comics?

01:52:00 Or are there other, like, is it kind of 50/50?

01:52:02 Like, hey, we don't wanna help, but we do wanna help.

01:52:03 'Cause that's kind of how the NFL is.

01:52:05 Like when new guys come in, some guys are like,

01:52:07 hey, come on, let's show you how it goes.

01:52:08 And other guys are like, fuck off.

01:52:09 You're not taking my job.

01:52:10 - Yeah, it's a little bit of that.

01:52:12 I mean, that's that, the guys that are whatever,

01:52:16 like stand out, whatever, they're just insecure

01:52:19 because like they don't realize

01:52:20 that there is enough room.

01:52:23 Like, well, you guys, there's a real,

01:52:24 there is roster spots, right?

01:52:26 With what we do, there's no such thing as like,

01:52:30 if he's funny, you're done.

01:52:34 - Yeah, you're no longer funny.

01:52:36 - Yeah, it's not like that.

01:52:37 But I think some people don't realize that,

01:52:39 that like we can all work and do shows and sell tickets.

01:52:44 Like it's not really a threat to you.

01:52:46 And I actually feel like, great, Stan,

01:52:49 like when I watch a standup

01:52:51 and they're legit, really good, I don't go, fuck.

01:52:55 I'm like, this is, I get excited by it.

01:52:57 Like I find it kind of inspiring, you know?

01:52:59 I'm like, oh, this is all,

01:53:00 like really good standup is exciting.

01:53:03 And it makes me wanna do standup.

01:53:05 It makes me wanna go get back on stage.

01:53:07 I'm like, that was so fucking good

01:53:09 that I wanna do more standup, you know?

01:53:10 Shitty standup makes me like wanna go home, you know?

01:53:14 - Go take a nap.

01:53:15 - Yeah, I'm like, this sucks.

01:53:16 I get anxiety, I wanna leave the room.

01:53:18 Like when I'm watching, I'm like, oh, fuck.

01:53:19 And I just like, I walk out of the room.

01:53:22 But when they're good,

01:53:23 I wanna sit there and watch it like anybody else, you know?

01:53:25 Yeah.

01:53:26 - When you're coming up

01:53:27 and you've already found your voice,

01:53:28 you've found your cadence, you've found your timing,

01:53:30 how do you go and watch other comics

01:53:33 that are making it and doing well,

01:53:34 that have similar humor to you and not take their shit?

01:53:38 'Cause it seems like a very difficult job

01:53:41 to not, you know, snipe someone's joke

01:53:45 and change it up a little bit.

01:53:45 - Well, yeah, exactly.

01:53:46 Like you hear something, you're like,

01:53:47 "God damn." - And that was solid.

01:53:49 I feel like-

01:53:49 - And the thing that comes to my mind is like,

01:53:52 growing up, like when I was, you know,

01:53:55 getting like, turning like 12, 13, like Dane Cook was big.

01:53:59 And I loved Dane Cook.

01:54:00 I thought it was awesome.

01:54:01 But then as you get older, more media,

01:54:02 more podcasts come out,

01:54:03 people are kind of hating on Dane Cook.

01:54:05 I'm not asking you to do that,

01:54:06 but people are saying Dane Cook stole from Louis C.K.

01:54:08 with the rolling of the R's and all this different stuff.

01:54:10 Like, how do you not take that stuff?

01:54:13 Was that ever a struggle for you?

01:54:14 - No.

01:54:15 I think that there's just such an established thing

01:54:19 where it's usually when you see somebody who's like,

01:54:22 you hear a great joke, you just go, "Fuck."

01:54:25 You're like, "God damn, I wish I would have thought of that."

01:54:27 - Right.

01:54:28 - But it's like, he did it.

01:54:29 Like when you see it, you're just like, "That's done now."

01:54:33 You know?

01:54:34 Yeah, so it never occurs to you to go like,

01:54:36 "How can I make that mine?"

01:54:38 You kind of just go like, "I need to fucking write more.

01:54:42 "I need to come up with some shit."

01:54:44 But yeah, no, the, and which, like, look,

01:54:48 the real thing is that that's why I think so many of us,

01:54:51 myself included, lean so hard into talking about our lives

01:54:56 because there's no, like, you can't--

01:54:59 - It's uniquely yours.

01:55:00 - Exactly.

01:55:01 If I talk to you about like my wife, my kids, my dad,

01:55:05 my travels, like, you know, my experiences,

01:55:09 there is no chance that I'm talking about

01:55:12 what you're talking about.

01:55:12 Like, it's so uniquely mine.

01:55:14 So I think that's something that has really evolved

01:55:18 in standup is like people have really, a lot, not everybody,

01:55:21 but a lot of people just really lean into talking

01:55:24 about their personal experiences 'cause there's no,

01:55:27 you're not gonna cross-contaminate anything.

01:55:29 But I fucking, I mean, yeah, I've watched jokes

01:55:31 where I'm like, "That was so fucking good."

01:55:33 And my thought really is like,

01:55:35 "I wish I would've thought of that.

01:55:36 "Fuck you, you piece of shit."

01:55:37 - Yeah, yeah.

01:55:38 It would almost suck, like, I feel like,

01:55:40 I feel like it almost sucks,

01:55:41 like you're doing your own thing

01:55:42 and you don't really watch a whole lot.

01:55:44 And then one of your jokes is similar to somebody else.

01:55:46 - Now I have had.

01:55:47 - People are like, "Oh, you kinda,"

01:55:48 and then you're just thinking,

01:55:49 I would assume that you're just thinking like,

01:55:50 "Oh, fuck, I didn't know."

01:55:52 Like, I just.

01:55:52 - I'll tell you what I have said a few times.

01:55:54 I've seen somebody do a bit that's something similar

01:55:58 to what I'm doing and I'm in the room

01:56:00 and I always tell them in that moment, like,

01:56:03 "Hey, just so you know, I have a bit very similar

01:56:08 "to what you're saying right now."

01:56:10 'Cause it's something that's not out.

01:56:11 Like, if it's out, then I'm just, I'll be like,

01:56:13 "Oh, they're doing something similar

01:56:15 "to something I have out.

01:56:16 "So they're gonna look like they're doing my bit."

01:56:20 - Your fans will let them know.

01:56:21 - Oh, yeah.

01:56:22 Like, and the people.

01:56:23 - They will go fucking wild.

01:56:24 - Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:56:24 And people will, I mean, I've had people tell me,

01:56:27 they're like, "That bit is similar to so-and-so's,"

01:56:29 and I'll be, I'll look, and either they're not similar

01:56:33 and you're like, "That's not even remotely close.

01:56:35 "There's just like, we both have a bit about hats."

01:56:39 And you're like, "You stole his bit."

01:56:40 I'm like, "What are you talking about?"

01:56:41 Like, we're both allowed to talk about hats, you know?

01:56:44 But I've also told people, like,

01:56:46 I've seen something similar and then I go,

01:56:48 I look at when they came out,

01:56:49 and if my shit came out first,

01:56:52 I'm not even accusing the other person of taking it.

01:56:54 I'm just like, "Hey, just so you know,

01:56:55 "mine came out a year before."

01:56:56 And then that person like shuts down.

01:56:58 But I've told people, because you wanna tell,

01:57:01 you wanna tell somebody so that they don't think,

01:57:04 like, if somebody is up there

01:57:06 and they do their fucking hat bit,

01:57:08 and you're like, "I'm doing a bit right now,"

01:57:10 you want to tell them if they see you

01:57:12 because you want them to go,

01:57:13 "Hey, I didn't come up with that

01:57:14 "after I saw you that day at the club.

01:57:17 "I'm doing it right."

01:57:18 That's why I tell them in the moment, right?

01:57:21 But that happens, that's a normal thing to happen,

01:57:23 where you go, "We're both talking about fucking ice,"

01:57:26 or whatever, you know?

01:57:27 So yeah, I just let you know

01:57:30 that I am also exploring what it is

01:57:32 to have sub-freezing water in my class.

01:57:35 - When you have a platform as big as you do,

01:57:38 like you and Burt with Two Bears, One Cave,

01:57:42 and just all the, you kind of have like a network,

01:57:45 and as big as your brand is, what is the benefit,

01:57:49 and if it's as simple as finances,

01:57:51 then I guess that's what the answer would be,

01:57:53 but what is the benefit of being on like a Netflix

01:57:56 or a streaming platform versus you just doing your own thing

01:57:59 because you have such a big audience yourself?

01:58:01 - No, it's actually a good question.

01:58:03 I mean, everything has changed.

01:58:04 I mean, one of the things that is like obvious

01:58:08 is that you can have great success

01:58:12 with posting a special on YouTube.

01:58:15 Like YouTube, people were like seeing as like,

01:58:18 for a minute, like, "Oh, things didn't work out for you."

01:58:20 - Right. - You had to put it on YouTube.

01:58:22 And then you see what's happened with specials on YouTube,

01:58:26 that when they hit, they fucking explode.

01:58:29 - I mean, Shane's- - Shane.

01:58:31 Dude, that standup in Austin has gotta be one of my top five.

01:58:35 - It's one of my top five. - It is so fucking funny.

01:58:37 - When I, I just told, I saw him yesterday

01:58:40 and I was, I mean, I've told him this before

01:58:42 that when I first was, you know, I'd heard about him

01:58:47 and I saw a clip and I was like, "This is funny."

01:58:49 And then his special came out, it first came out.

01:58:53 I was sent the, you know, whatever, the link.

01:58:56 I click on it and I realized that like 15, 20 minutes

01:59:01 have gone by and I'm like,

01:59:03 and the reason that I'm like surprised is like,

01:59:05 normally like I tap out fast.

01:59:08 Like I'll watch standup for like three minutes

01:59:10 and like turn it off, you know, a special.

01:59:13 And then I'm like checking again, I'm like,

01:59:15 "I'm about to finish this thing."

01:59:16 It's like at whatever, 50 minutes or something.

01:59:18 I turn it off and I was like, "That is the most engaged

01:59:21 "and hardest I've laughed at a special in a long,

01:59:25 "like in a while."

01:59:27 And it was a YouTube special that like he was, it's so good.

01:59:32 Like it's also like, it is my wheelhouse

01:59:34 of what I find funny.

01:59:36 Like, you know what I mean?

01:59:37 Like there's genres of things that people like it.

01:59:40 - No question.

01:59:41 - It really hit me in my spot where I was like,

01:59:44 "This is so fucking funny."

01:59:46 And yeah, I mean, I love that special.

01:59:49 I think it's one of the best specials

01:59:51 of the last five years, yeah.

01:59:54 - The Alabama football, the Fox News,

01:59:56 just all of it.

01:59:57 - The dad shit is probably what made me laugh the hardest.

02:00:00 Like when he's, when he talks about like,

02:00:03 when he's like, he's drunk and he wakes up to like,

02:00:06 "What's going on in Israel?"

02:00:08 Like the, like that shit made me laugh.

02:00:11 - Whoa.

02:00:12 - Yeah.

02:00:13 - Whoa.

02:00:14 - That shit made me laugh.

02:00:15 - It's the little fucking-

02:00:15 - Talks about the wall up in the Northeast.

02:00:17 - The thing that is so funny to me about Shane

02:00:19 is what's so funny to me about you and your standup

02:00:21 is like Shane can say so little and have such a presence

02:00:26 and just a little movement and the timing.

02:00:29 Like when I watch "Sledgehammer,"

02:00:31 you're literally having a conversation with your kid

02:00:32 or with your dad and you're like,

02:00:34 are just doing eight words in the span of 30 seconds.

02:00:38 But the way you put the words and where you put them,

02:00:40 it's fucking hilarious.

02:00:41 - Yeah, thanks man.

02:00:42 Thanks.

02:00:43 I mean, it's the type of thing, yeah, that like,

02:00:46 I mean, little things, the nuance of things

02:00:49 is what makes me laugh the hardest.

02:00:50 More so than like the, you know,

02:00:53 the big punchline is always something you want,

02:00:55 but like it's the little stuff that makes me remember

02:00:58 and love stuff.

02:00:59 - Yeah.

02:01:00 - You know, like the little facial expressions,

02:01:02 the pause being in the right place.

02:01:03 That's what you work on too, you know.

02:01:05 - The callbacks that happen.

02:01:06 - Callbacks, all that.

02:01:07 - Callbacks are always a fun little treat.

02:01:08 - Yeah, they're fun.

02:01:09 - So I feel like that's a lot of your fans

02:01:10 like watching it too.

02:01:11 You just see the reaction by a lot of your fans.

02:01:13 Like when you do hit the callbacks

02:01:15 throughout the entirety of the special

02:01:17 and everyone's just clapping because it's funny,

02:01:19 but it's also like, man, like well done.

02:01:22 Like that would have to feel,

02:01:23 that would have to feel so sick.

02:01:25 - Yeah, you want to like,

02:01:26 you don't want them to be too like, you know,

02:01:28 for lack of a better, like too,

02:01:29 you want to weave them in a clever way

02:01:32 'cause then they're kind of like,

02:01:32 oh, like there it is.

02:01:34 As opposed to just like dropping it whenever.

02:01:36 So like making a callback feel organic.

02:01:40 So it's like, it's in a bit 10 minutes later,

02:01:43 but it is, you know, it's a callback to something,

02:01:45 but it feels natural in the newer bit or in the later bit.

02:01:49 That's like a fun thing, I think to.

02:01:51 - It's like an appreciation clap that's happening.

02:01:53 - Yeah, exactly.

02:01:54 Yeah, yeah, it's fun.

02:01:55 By the way, I have to mention

02:01:56 because I did see Shane yesterday that he was like,

02:02:01 if you can watch, it came out today.

02:02:03 I was like, how was the beer Olympics?

02:02:06 He goes, you dodged a bullet.

02:02:08 (laughing)

02:02:10 He goes, it sucked.

02:02:12 - No, he's lying, he's lying.

02:02:14 - And I was like, shut up.

02:02:15 And then what we got into was,

02:02:18 first of all, yes, he did show me,

02:02:20 he's like, this is a week old bruise, it's still yellow.

02:02:22 And I was like, here's what it is.

02:02:23 You hang out with these guys and you're like,

02:02:25 this is just good guys, like the regular guys.

02:02:28 I go, but when you take these fucking assholes,

02:02:31 these pro athletes, and you just go, we're competing.

02:02:35 I go, this switch happens that you forget

02:02:37 that they're monsters, like they're actual literal monsters.

02:02:41 He's like, dude, I had a guy grab me by my neck and hold me.

02:02:44 He goes, I thought we were playing.

02:02:45 I thought we were like fucking around.

02:02:46 - Is this you?

02:02:47 - That's me.

02:02:48 He signed on me.

02:02:49 - Yeah, I'll keep talking, I'll show it to you.

02:02:52 - He goes, I got beat the fuck up.

02:02:54 And I was drunk, so I didn't know what was happening to me

02:02:57 until the next day and he was like, it hurts so bad.

02:02:59 - Dude, this is why Shane's such a bitch.

02:03:00 - Okay, tell me, tell me.

02:03:01 - Because that whole wrestling, that's me and Shane.

02:03:04 - That's a fucking.

02:03:07 Yeah, he looks like he's suffering right there.

02:03:09 That doesn't look like.

02:03:10 - Someone made a meme out of that?

02:03:12 - Taylor has him like that, like in the pool

02:03:13 and he's dragging him.

02:03:14 - Someone put him.

02:03:16 - Shane's tapping like three or four times

02:03:18 and Taylor's just dragging him throughout the pool.

02:03:21 You can just tell he's in an absolute panic.

02:03:23 He goes, yeah, he goes, Taylor's a professional shover.

02:03:26 So he's shoving me.

02:03:27 - He fucking, so here's how it started.

02:03:29 We were in my man cave and we're kind of fucking around

02:03:32 'cause I do, I think Shane's hilarious

02:03:33 and I love being around him,

02:03:34 especially when he's got a couple of drinks in him

02:03:36 and he kind of comes out of his shell a little bit

02:03:38 and he starts, what are you gonna do, pussy?

02:03:40 What are you gonna do?

02:03:41 And he starts fucking egging it on.

02:03:42 So we end up on the couch.

02:03:43 There's a photo of us on the couch

02:03:44 and I'm like full mounted on him.

02:03:46 And I'm like holding him and he's like,

02:03:48 he's choking, but like, you're a bitch.

02:03:49 Like still egging it on.

02:03:51 And then sure, like Will gets in a fight with this guy,

02:03:53 the lead singer of Midland.

02:03:55 So it was him in the pool, starts wrestling him.

02:03:56 And then JP's like, hey, get Shane in the pool.

02:03:59 So I like, you know, Shane,

02:04:00 he didn't want to take that shirt off for nobody.

02:04:02 We gotta get him in this fucking pool.

02:04:04 So I body toss him in there and you can see in this video,

02:04:06 he's like, you don't want this.

02:04:08 And he kind of takes his shirt off and we start going,

02:04:09 but he instigated 95% of that shit.

02:04:14 Him and Burt would lose in a competition.

02:04:16 And then Shane would find me and Will

02:04:18 and come up behind us and be like, you're being nasty.

02:04:20 You're being a bad host, man.

02:04:21 You're such a bad host.

02:04:22 While I'm like trying to shoot a beer pong ball,

02:04:24 I'm like, dude, I'm going to fucking end this guy.

02:04:26 - He said, who was it?

02:04:27 He said an NHL player.

02:04:28 - Ja, James.

02:04:29 - He goes, this dude legit hurt me.

02:04:33 And then came back and was like, my bad on that.

02:04:35 - Yeah.

02:04:36 - He's like, he's like, fuck it.

02:04:36 - Those hockey players, they look like sticks.

02:04:38 They are strong and sturdy individuals.

02:04:40 They're playing like, that's after

02:04:43 all the competition is over.

02:04:44 - And they fucking fight.

02:04:45 Like they legit fight.

02:04:46 - Yo, yo.

02:04:48 And they can booze too.

02:04:49 They can put it down.

02:04:50 And they get in, start playing pool basketball.

02:04:52 And I looked over for a minute.

02:04:55 I could have sworn three people were drowning at one point.

02:04:57 It was just, it's elbows are being thrown.

02:04:59 Dudes are getting thrown everywhere.

02:05:00 It was as fratty and as energetic as it possibly can get.

02:05:04 - Yeah, you got to watch Shane talk about it.

02:05:06 - You said it's out today?

02:05:07 - It's out today.

02:05:08 - Two bears?

02:05:09 - No, no, it's his.

02:05:10 I came because I did it here.

02:05:11 - Oh, you went out to, oh, dude.

02:05:13 - I went to Queens.

02:05:14 - How wild is his pot?

02:05:15 - It's funny.

02:05:16 - I was out there, what was that, a month ago?

02:05:18 He's like, hey, you want to come do the pot?

02:05:20 I was like, hell yeah, dude.

02:05:21 And then I call him and I get there.

02:05:22 I'm like, hey, am I in the right spot?

02:05:23 And then we come in, I'm like,

02:05:25 yeah, why are you living like this, man?

02:05:27 He's like, is that you make comedy?

02:05:29 (laughing)

02:05:31 And then I go up.

02:05:32 - He lives like a hoarder, right?

02:05:35 - He lives like he's like a college student.

02:05:36 And then you go upstairs and all the boys

02:05:38 are just sitting there playing UFC, like video games.

02:05:40 - It's such a departure from my life.

02:05:42 I live like a fucking baller.

02:05:45 (laughing)

02:05:47 And I'm like, what the fuck?

02:05:48 - Dude, he's fucking funny, man.

02:05:51 - Yeah, it's a choice.

02:05:52 - Yeah, it is a choice.

02:05:54 All right, boys, we interrupt this episode

02:05:59 to bring you a message from--

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02:06:49 And now back to this episode.

02:06:51 He does a lot of sketch comedy.

02:06:52 Why didn't you, was there ever a point

02:06:54 when you were talking about doing communications

02:06:55 and making videos and like doing all that,

02:06:57 did you ever want to do like mad TV or SNL?

02:06:59 - Definitely, I mean, I literally thought

02:07:02 that when I was at that Groundlings,

02:07:03 the Groundlings, if you look it up,

02:07:05 it's like, it's the West Coast improv school

02:07:10 that so many people you know would go to.

02:07:15 - It's like Second City, right?

02:07:15 - Yeah, exactly.

02:07:16 It's the LA version of that.

02:07:17 And it's, I mean, Will Ferrell came from there,

02:07:19 Fallon, like endless people.

02:07:23 So when I found that out, I was like,

02:07:25 oh, that's where I'll go.

02:07:26 And then I'll do SNL.

02:07:27 Like I literally thought that was the way to do it.

02:07:30 And then they have tier, like they have, it's a school.

02:07:35 So like there's entry, like level one, level two,

02:07:39 like that.

02:07:40 Then there's this thing called Writer's Lab.

02:07:43 Then there's Sunday Company.

02:07:45 And then there's the Groundlings, right?

02:07:47 So it's a whole thing.

02:07:48 When you get to Writing Lab, if they call you,

02:07:53 it means that you've like, you at least have some chops.

02:07:56 Like if you suck, they don't call you for that.

02:07:59 And they go, well, they call you.

02:08:01 And it's to like, you know,

02:08:04 start working on the writing aspect of it.

02:08:07 If you can pass on it, you can go like,

02:08:09 I can't do it right now.

02:08:10 And they'll call you a second time.

02:08:12 But if you pass a second time, they never call you again.

02:08:16 That's the policy.

02:08:17 And so the first time they called me,

02:08:20 I had a legit, I can't do it right now.

02:08:23 I don't remember what it was.

02:08:25 But the second time they called me, it was,

02:08:28 I realized I started doing standup.

02:08:31 I remember I, I mean, you know,

02:08:33 I got 50 bucks to do it here, $100 to do it there.

02:08:37 And I was like, I think this is the path I need.

02:08:41 Like, I felt like if I go do that,

02:08:43 it's gonna be a distraction from standup.

02:08:46 Like it's, I'm spread out in a way that I can't register.

02:08:50 So I said, no, but I still liked doing sketched up.

02:08:55 Like I, you know, I've filmed sketches over the years

02:08:58 and posted them and I've acted in a few things.

02:09:01 I have like a couple of things that are like legit.

02:09:03 Like I have a thing with Bert that we're gonna do.

02:09:08 I have another movie in development at a place.

02:09:13 And then I filmed like my own version of,

02:09:17 I filmed the pilot last year that I paid for.

02:09:20 - Really?

02:09:21 - Yeah, yeah.

02:09:22 And I sold it.

02:09:23 So like, we're gonna go make the series.

02:09:25 - That's fucking awesome.

02:09:26 - Yeah.

02:09:26 So it's, and that's like, I wrote it, I'm in it.

02:09:30 I produced it, spent fucking so much money to make it look,

02:09:35 I just didn't want it to look like a sketch show.

02:09:39 'Cause a lot of them look so low production.

02:09:41 So we don't, like we actually call them shorts.

02:09:44 Like, you know, like it's like,

02:09:44 if you ever watch "Black Mirror,"

02:09:46 like an episode of that will have like, you know,

02:09:49 it's like a short film.

02:09:52 And that's how we tried to make this series,

02:09:54 like short films.

02:09:55 - Any idea when that's gonna come out?

02:09:57 - Well, it'd be cool if the strike was resolved.

02:10:01 So that it could actually-- - That is true.

02:10:02 You probably--

02:10:03 - I mean, I want them to get what they need,

02:10:06 obviously, and what they want.

02:10:08 But my guess would be that it would be late next year

02:10:13 when we would be able to put that out.

02:10:15 Yeah.

02:10:16 - You, I know when we had Bert on

02:10:19 and we're kind of like asking about your guys' dynamic

02:10:21 and everything else, and he alludes to you

02:10:22 being like the brains behind the operation.

02:10:25 Like over the years, obviously, you know, humble cat,

02:10:29 but how do you learn to,

02:10:32 how have you learned how to build

02:10:34 all of these things out over time?

02:10:36 Like, do you have a, like a knack or an interest,

02:10:39 like when you're building out,

02:10:40 like you have a media network,

02:10:42 you have all these things going on,

02:10:43 like balancing all that and learning about all that,

02:10:45 because it does seem like you are a very savvy

02:10:49 behind the microphone, or, you know,

02:10:51 behind the camera and everything else.

02:10:52 - No, I think it's like, you know, I'm an observer

02:10:57 and I try to like learn from what other people are doing too.

02:11:01 So I do a lot of that.

02:11:02 Like I do a lot of like seeing what works for other people

02:11:06 and then following instincts and like, you know,

02:11:09 not being resistant to like the new,

02:11:13 whatever is something that something is like coming about,

02:11:16 like, you know, hey, whatever,

02:11:18 it could be like TikTok is where everyone's going

02:11:20 and not being like, ah, I'm not gonna do that.

02:11:22 You know, that's not for me,

02:11:23 like just being open to the fact that,

02:11:26 that you can't just go, I do it this way,

02:11:29 this is what we do, like being open to those ideas

02:11:32 and trying things.

02:11:33 Like I'm, I think if you're a comic,

02:11:35 you're a natural entrepreneur,

02:11:37 like you own your business.

02:11:40 And that means that you're not totally risk averse,

02:11:43 like you're gonna take risks.

02:11:44 And so like we take risks in things,

02:11:48 like when we do these, we do these live streaming shows,

02:11:52 like to produce them, you have to spend money,

02:11:55 you have to like go ahead

02:11:58 and put together a different type of show.

02:12:01 Like it's like, it's like almost like a variety show.

02:12:03 Like we're gonna have music, we're gonna have this,

02:12:05 it's a risk.

02:12:06 And then you go, I'm gonna, I'm gonna do $10.

02:12:09 Like it was a big thing was like,

02:12:10 people were like trying to like really have us agents

02:12:14 for like, you should charge more, you know?

02:12:15 I was like, no, let's just try to do volume.

02:12:17 Like let's just try to do volume

02:12:19 and see if we can do a lot of tickets,

02:12:20 but make it affordable.

02:12:21 10 bucks is like pretty affordable ticket.

02:12:24 And so I'm open to like trying things and I go,

02:12:28 if this doesn't, like when I shot the pilot,

02:12:30 I spent over a million dollars to shoot it.

02:12:34 So you go like, and then people are like,

02:12:36 what if you lose money?

02:12:37 I'm like, then it didn't work out.

02:12:39 But like the upside is maybe it's exactly

02:12:43 what I wanted to make.

02:12:44 And even if I don't make money on it,

02:12:45 I have this thing I wanted to make.

02:12:48 And so I can't, you don't make,

02:12:50 I don't make just decisions based on,

02:12:52 is this gonna be financially beneficial?

02:12:54 Obviously you wanna make money,

02:12:55 but like you have to do things

02:12:57 that are like fulfilling creatively.

02:12:59 And to me, there's like something about in this era

02:13:03 that we're in right now,

02:13:04 I like the adventure of trying something

02:13:07 and seeing how it, like where it ends up.

02:13:10 Even if that's like trying it,

02:13:11 like we developed new podcasts and I'm like,

02:13:13 you don't know how these are gonna,

02:13:14 like podcasts, you know what I mean?

02:13:15 You guys do it.

02:13:16 It's like, you go, well, let's get together,

02:13:19 do this pod, do fucking 500 people might listen to it.

02:13:22 And it's considered a bomb.

02:13:25 And there is no such thing as like,

02:13:27 if you do put the, like, there's been celebrities

02:13:30 that have gotten together to do podcasts that fail,

02:13:33 like legit huge names.

02:13:35 So I get excited about trying new things.

02:13:38 It's just like when you get on stage, you try things.

02:13:41 That's what feels good to like try a joke

02:13:44 and have the potential for it to bomb.

02:13:47 Like if there's no potential for it to bomb,

02:13:49 it's not as rewarding internally as,

02:13:53 you know what I mean?

02:13:54 Like a safe joke, right?

02:13:55 Like where you're like, this will get a laugh.

02:13:57 - Slow softball pitch.

02:13:58 - Yeah, those are like, it feels good to get the laugh.

02:14:01 But part of you goes like,

02:14:02 if you would have tried something else that was like riskier

02:14:06 that feels more fun.

02:14:07 And I think that applies to like all the stuff you're saying,

02:14:10 like all those things is like, you wanna take a risk.

02:14:13 You want it to be a calculated risk,

02:14:15 but there's no thrill in just like

02:14:18 playing everything safe.

02:14:20 You know what I mean?

02:14:21 - Yeah.

02:14:22 - Was there ever a fear when you had kids

02:14:24 about taking more risk?

02:14:26 - There was a fear in not working enough.

02:14:30 - Which is a different thing than most people say, right?

02:14:35 - Yeah.

02:14:36 - A lot of people are like,

02:14:37 I gotta make sure I spend more time with my kids.

02:14:38 - When she was pregnant and I was like,

02:14:41 we're having a baby.

02:14:42 I definitely hit a switch where I just went like into,

02:14:46 I need to work a lot.

02:14:48 And I went hard.

02:14:50 And it was--

02:14:51 - Out of the idea of like providing?

02:14:52 - Yeah, 'cause I was like,

02:14:54 I mean, up to that point, it was the two of us.

02:14:57 You realize that if it's just the two of you,

02:15:00 you can fucking get by.

02:15:02 We'll go to Trader Joe's and get some frozen fucking burritos

02:15:05 and like, you know what I mean?

02:15:07 - Yeah, you eat, you have dinner, you don't have dinner,

02:15:09 it really doesn't matter.

02:15:10 - It's like if you don't, if you're not making a lot,

02:15:13 you're like, well, hopefully I'll get another gig

02:15:16 next week and I'll have enough for rent,

02:15:18 and shit like that.

02:15:19 You're like, I mean, I always wanted to work,

02:15:22 but when a kid comes, yeah, I was like,

02:15:25 I wasn't even, I didn't even have to externally say it.

02:15:28 It was so internal of like,

02:15:31 it's like the modern version of like hunter-gatherer mode

02:15:34 where you're just like, I have to provide.

02:15:38 So that, I mean, I went into like sixth gear

02:15:41 with like working.

02:15:43 - Yeah.

02:15:44 - Seems like you have an incredible work ethic.

02:15:46 When you look at you and Bert,

02:15:48 who would you say has the better work ethic?

02:15:51 - Bert would be like, I mean, I'm doing a lot more

02:15:54 actually right now.

02:15:55 I'm doing the festival.

02:15:57 I'm doing the festival, it's fucking crazy.

02:15:59 (laughing)

02:16:01 No, I think we both, you know, I think we both have dad

02:16:05 or I had a dad who like, we were like very traditional work,

02:16:10 you know, get up at 5.30, whatever, go to work.

02:16:13 Like they're just like old school Americana dads

02:16:18 who are like, yeah, of course you work.

02:16:19 And you're right.

02:16:20 So then like when opportunities come,

02:16:22 like they have arrived for us now,

02:16:24 we're like, we have opportunities.

02:16:27 Like, I mean, neither one of us is like, whatever.

02:16:31 - Yeah.

02:16:32 - You know, like, we're just like, oh yeah, you go to work.

02:16:33 - Yeah.

02:16:34 - So we both work a lot.

02:16:35 I mean, I've like, I did a tour that I think was insane.

02:16:40 When I look back on like, it was too much,

02:16:42 meaning not like I couldn't handle it.

02:16:45 It's just like, for having a family,

02:16:48 it's just like, it's not conducive to do that many shows

02:16:52 and tour that much.

02:16:55 So I'm more conscious of it.

02:16:56 And like, I'm literally gonna see my agent here

02:17:01 to plan out the next, like, we have to have more weeks off.

02:17:07 You know, but it's not because like, I don't wanna work.

02:17:10 It's like, I have to be able to be home.

02:17:12 Like, I have little kids, man.

02:17:14 - Yeah.

02:17:15 - So I mean, Bert is going, in my opinion, too hard.

02:17:20 Like, he went--

02:17:21 - He goes insane.

02:17:22 I'm like, it's insane.

02:17:24 - Yeah, I think it's almost like avoiding life.

02:17:28 Like, you know what I mean?

02:17:29 Like, I'm like, what are you doing?

02:17:30 And then he, 'cause like, Bert does this thing

02:17:32 where he knows I'm, when I say this,

02:17:34 he'll be like, yeah, I just, I don't know, I just,

02:17:37 I don't know, I just took on too much.

02:17:41 I'm like, yeah, but you're in control.

02:17:42 Like, you can say it.

02:17:43 He's like, I don't know.

02:17:45 Like, I don't know.

02:17:46 - Think he has a hard time saying no?

02:17:47 - Definitely.

02:17:48 - Yeah.

02:17:49 - Definitely has a hard time.

02:17:49 - He does give himself to a lot of different,

02:17:51 as much as he can.

02:17:52 I mean, even coming to Beer Olympics,

02:17:53 when I hit him up the next day, he was like,

02:17:55 hey man, you know, I know you get pulled

02:17:57 in a lot of different angles and you're just blowing up.

02:18:01 He has been for a while now.

02:18:02 And it's like, oh, I appreciate you just like,

02:18:03 taking the time.

02:18:04 And 'cause you could even see it at the Beer Olympics.

02:18:06 I don't know about you, but you could see a little bit of,

02:18:09 you could just see like he was worn down a little bit.

02:18:11 And then he expressed that when he sent the message back.

02:18:13 He's like, hey, you know, I was running a little low,

02:18:15 but very appreciative.

02:18:17 You know, Bert, like he's the best.

02:18:18 - No, he's the best.

02:18:19 - It does seem like he just goes fucking

02:18:21 a million miles an hour.

02:18:22 - No, I want him to, I mean, if he's trying,

02:18:24 look, if he wants to hear this,

02:18:25 okay, you're working harder.

02:18:27 (all laughing)

02:18:29 - He did ask me to ask that question.

02:18:31 - No, he, I mean, yeah, but I, you know,

02:18:33 we did a Zoom call for this thing the other day

02:18:36 and we get on, he's like,

02:18:39 I'm like, are you all right?

02:18:40 He's like, I'm dying.

02:18:41 I was like, yeah, I don't want that to be real.

02:18:43 Like, could you chill the fuck out for a second?

02:18:47 But yeah, he goes, you know, he'll do this.

02:18:49 I think he's gonna take some, a little bit of time.

02:18:52 Then he's got his fully loaded cruise.

02:18:54 Then he goes back on tour, then into another production.

02:18:58 Yeah, it's like, I don't know, man.

02:19:01 I get it because you go, these are,

02:19:04 these are incredible opportunities.

02:19:05 You work your whole career for these opportunities

02:19:07 and then you get them, but you still have to,

02:19:10 like, I'm, look, I'm saying it, like I'm telling him,

02:19:11 I'm telling myself too, you still have to like,

02:19:14 figure out how to manage it.

02:19:15 - Yeah.

02:19:16 - 'Cause you, you don't, I guess you don't wanna be like,

02:19:18 no thanks, right, to the thing that you're like,

02:19:21 you always wanted to do,

02:19:23 but you can't say yes to all of it.

02:19:25 That's the, that's the part you have to figure out.

02:19:27 You can't say yes to all of it.

02:19:29 - Oh, what's happening?

02:19:35 - Oh, fuck them.

02:19:36 - I'm not letting them know.

02:19:37 - Give us, give us three pet peeves of Bert Kreischer.

02:19:42 - Three of his pet peeves?

02:19:48 - Three pet peeves you have with him.

02:19:50 - Oh, that I have with him?

02:19:51 - No, like that you see of him.

02:19:53 - Three pet peeves you have for Bert.

02:19:56 Like what bugs you about Bert?

02:19:57 Three things.

02:19:58 - Oh, pretty easy.

02:20:02 Number one would be as busy as he is,

02:20:07 just not responding to, like, I'm like,

02:20:15 hey man, we're good friends.

02:20:18 We're literal business partners.

02:20:21 And I've called you and texted you for four days.

02:20:23 - Oh, my bad.

02:20:24 - I'm like, yeah, no.

02:20:25 - Yeah.

02:20:26 - Like, I've been around you when other people,

02:20:28 and I, I see how you, I'm like,

02:20:32 don't fucking answer me.

02:20:34 - My bad.

02:20:35 - So that would, that fucking irritates the shit out of me.

02:20:41 But yeah, I'm like, whatever, dude.

02:20:43 I know what, I know how you do this.

02:20:45 Like, pick up the fucking phone.

02:20:47 Text me back that you can't talk.

02:20:49 - Simple enough.

02:20:51 - So that makes me crazy.

02:20:53 What else makes me crazy about him?

02:21:01 He will, oh yeah, he just won't, like,

02:21:06 consider anybody else's emotions in the room.

02:21:10 So, like, he'll come in, and I'll be like,

02:21:15 and he's, like, yelling at, you know,

02:21:18 somebody on the staff, and I'm like, buddy, buddy.

02:21:20 And he's like, what?

02:21:21 I go, yeah, but he feels this way.

02:21:24 But I'll give him credit.

02:21:26 When you point that stuff out to him,

02:21:27 he'll be like, you're right, you're right, you're right.

02:21:30 The Doff.

02:21:31 I'm sorry, I didn't think about

02:21:33 how you might have felt in this.

02:21:36 It's literally like you're raising kids.

02:21:38 You know what I mean?

02:21:39 Like, you're a dad, and you're just like,

02:21:40 yeah, but your brother feels this way.

02:21:42 And then he's like, okay, good point, point.

02:21:44 Sometimes I get a little ahead.

02:21:46 So yeah, I do give him credit.

02:21:47 He gets very, he gets like,

02:21:50 he gets so fucking, like, fired up in the moments of, like,

02:21:54 fun, 'cause his whole thing is like,

02:21:56 how can I make something more?

02:21:59 Like, he wants every moment to be,

02:22:00 like, if he came in here, he's like,

02:22:02 let's make this the best podcast in the history of podcast.

02:22:05 Like, right?

02:22:06 Like, he wants to manufacture fun,

02:22:08 even if it's like, you know, like, it can't,

02:22:11 he doesn't want to have, like, an okay day.

02:22:14 Every time you go, like, how was last night's thing?

02:22:18 It was the best night of my life.

02:22:19 And I go, I know it wasn't.

02:22:21 And he's like, what?

02:22:22 I go, well, if it was the best night,

02:22:23 like, you've said it's been the best night of your life

02:22:25 500 times, so which one is it?

02:22:28 Like, most people have an epic experience.

02:22:30 You, I go, you had dinner.

02:22:32 You told me it was the best dinner

02:22:32 you've ever had in your life.

02:22:34 You had the best coffee you ever had

02:22:35 in your life this morning.

02:22:36 The show was the best night.

02:22:37 He goes, okay, all right, all right.

02:22:38 Sometimes I embellish.

02:22:39 I'm like, yeah, quite a bit.

02:22:41 So-

02:22:42 - Dude, your bird voice is so funny.

02:22:43 - It's like, he, but you know what I mean?

02:22:44 Like, he really, and actually a lot of that is tied

02:22:48 to the, to like, booze.

02:22:49 Like, you know, he's the party guy.

02:22:51 'Cause like, the party guy wants the party to go on, right?

02:22:55 Like, one time we hung out, I'm not a big drinker,

02:22:58 and we had a couple of drinks and I was like,

02:23:02 and it was like midnight.

02:23:04 We were at this hotel.

02:23:05 I was like, all right, like, I'm gonna go to bed.

02:23:08 He goes, what?

02:23:09 I go, I wanna go to bed.

02:23:11 He goes, why?

02:23:12 I go, 'cause it's fucking midnight

02:23:14 and I've had a few drinks and I'm tired.

02:23:17 He's like, don't you want this feeling to keep going?

02:23:19 (laughing)

02:23:21 What?

02:23:22 What feeling?

02:23:23 He's like, just like the buzz.

02:23:24 Like, don't you want it to just not stop?

02:23:26 I was like, no.

02:23:27 I want to put my head on a fucking pillow and sleep.

02:23:32 Like, are you crazy?

02:23:34 And he's like, I just want this to never end.

02:23:35 I was like, that's not a healthy thought.

02:23:38 (laughing)

02:23:38 Like, it's fucking, this shit will never end.

02:23:41 But then he actually, he's not lying about that.

02:23:44 Like, that is, you know what I mean?

02:23:46 Like, and so like, it has two sides

02:23:48 'cause the upside is that he makes most things more fun.

02:23:53 He just, you know, he comes in and you're like, oh shit.

02:23:56 Like, a party just came into the room.

02:23:58 Like, he's a literal party.

02:23:59 Now, by the way, he's, in the last year,

02:24:02 since he's like really like, I don't know,

02:24:06 exploded in popularity or whatever,

02:24:09 every time I see him, there's like eight people with him.

02:24:11 I'm like, who the fuck are all these people?

02:24:13 He's an entourage now.

02:24:15 Like, he's like, this is my camera guy.

02:24:17 This is my sound guy.

02:24:18 I'm like, what?

02:24:19 He never, like, just rolls in solo anymore.

02:24:21 - That's wild.

02:24:22 - It's a party.

02:24:23 - It's a party where he goes.

02:24:24 Yeah, and then they keep the party going.

02:24:27 - Seems exhausting.

02:24:29 But also, beyond the receiving end of it,

02:24:32 every time Burt walks into a room,

02:24:33 you're like, fuck yeah, dude.

02:24:34 - Yeah, yeah, exactly. - I'm so happy he's here

02:24:36 'cause it's such a good time.

02:24:37 And the thing about Burt is when you see him

02:24:41 and you talk to him, a minute, two minutes,

02:24:43 you literally walk away going,

02:24:44 I feel like we're best friends.

02:24:46 He made me feel like, man, we're gonna be friends for life.

02:24:50 - I'm like, I think we passed Tom as best friends.

02:24:53 - No, he does.

02:24:54 Here's the thing, he's very sincere.

02:24:56 He's very sincere.

02:24:57 And he doesn't do like, yeah, good to see you, man.

02:25:02 He's not like that.

02:25:03 He's like a look into your eyes

02:25:06 and like, this means so much to me.

02:25:08 He likes community.

02:25:10 He is a frat guy.

02:25:11 Frat guy has a negative connotation.

02:25:14 The positive of it is if you wanted to find the positive

02:25:17 in that is somebody who wants a friendship fraternity

02:25:22 to exist.

02:25:23 So like he goes, let's all,

02:25:26 why don't we all just be friends and like hang out

02:25:27 and like, let's make this fun.

02:25:28 And I'm just like, what?

02:25:30 I wanna go be alone.

02:25:31 And he's like, no, come on.

02:25:33 Like, he's always like, come join us.

02:25:35 And like, you know, like that's-

02:25:36 - As an observer, you guys have a very interesting dynamic.

02:25:39 You guys are both hilarious individuals in your own way,

02:25:42 but it's interesting to see how,

02:25:43 I mean, I'm assuming you guys are best friends.

02:25:45 Would you call me your best friend?

02:25:46 - Yeah, we're best friends.

02:25:48 And he's like, you know, it is a balance.

02:25:51 Like part of the reason I think that it works for us

02:25:55 is that I thoroughly enjoy him.

02:25:58 Like a lot of people were like,

02:25:59 how do you put up with this fucking lunatic?

02:26:01 And I'm like, yeah, but I enjoy,

02:26:03 like he entertains the shit out of me.

02:26:05 I find him very,

02:26:07 one of the first times we ever took a road trip together

02:26:09 it was like years ago.

02:26:11 And we drove up to Sacramento

02:26:14 and we're driving back down from LA.

02:26:17 I mean, it's like hours drive.

02:26:19 I forget how many hours it is.

02:26:21 And then on the way back from Sacramento,

02:26:23 he goes, you know, you don't say much.

02:26:26 And I was like, you haven't shut the fuck up.

02:26:28 You haven't stopped talking.

02:26:29 And he goes, yeah, that checks out.

02:26:31 - Yeah, that checks out.

02:26:32 - But the thing is I was like, yeah, but I'm,

02:26:34 I go, I just literally, I would ask him a question.

02:26:36 He would talk for 30 minutes straight.

02:26:38 And then I ask him one more question.

02:26:39 An hour has gone by with him just talking.

02:26:42 He's just talk, talk, talk.

02:26:43 But I enjoy him.

02:26:44 Like I enjoy his company.

02:26:45 And then he thinks that I'm fucking weird.

02:26:50 And I'm like, I don't think I'm weird.

02:26:52 I think I'm pretty much like the voice of reason

02:26:54 and you're fucking crazy, but I enjoy your craziness.

02:26:58 - I know we gotta let you go.

02:26:59 'Cause people are, he's getting texts,

02:27:01 people are opening the door.

02:27:03 But Sledgehammer.

02:27:04 - Sledgehammer.

02:27:05 - Of all the specials you've done,

02:27:07 what makes you so proud of this special?

02:27:09 - I mean, look, I don't know if this is something

02:27:11 that will always happen.

02:27:12 Like for me, it's like so clearly for me,

02:27:18 the like my, what I'm most proud of.

02:27:21 I toured for, usually I was on a two year turnaround.

02:27:25 Right?

02:27:26 And I felt, I was felt fine about that.

02:27:27 Like meaning like I would shoot a special,

02:27:29 start working on something new.

02:27:31 Two years would go by and I'd shoot another one

02:27:33 and put it out.

02:27:34 And pandemic contributed to this, but it was three years.

02:27:38 And I just felt like it got, it's so much better.

02:27:41 It's so much tighter.

02:27:43 I became a better performer.

02:27:45 Like I just, I like the special so much more.

02:27:49 And I just felt like it's a more,

02:27:52 like you always want to get better.

02:27:53 Instead of, so you just like, it feels like,

02:27:57 like whatever, evolved.

02:28:00 Like I've evolved as a person, as a comic.

02:28:03 It's like, it's more personal to me.

02:28:06 'Cause like my dad died during it and we were very close

02:28:08 and I talk about it,

02:28:09 even though I make jokes about it, obviously.

02:28:11 But so like, it's stuff that is like,

02:28:14 it's more emotional for me as much as it's not like

02:28:16 an emotional thing to watch.

02:28:18 It's like all that to me was like, and it's a huge tour.

02:28:21 Like the culmination of a 21 month tour is this special.

02:28:26 So to me, it's like, it was the most fun

02:28:29 I've ever had shooting a special, like by far.

02:28:32 And I don't know, man, I'm just like,

02:28:36 it's been out for a couple of days.

02:28:38 It's number one on Netflix.

02:28:40 It's the number one.

02:28:40 - Yeah, it's got the six.

02:28:42 - That's pretty cool.

02:28:43 - That's a good feeling.

02:28:44 I said, we see your Instagram.

02:28:45 - No, no, but I mean like, there was like an article today

02:28:48 about like how it dethroned that Henry Cavill show,

02:28:53 The Witcher or whatever.

02:28:54 - The Witcher?

02:28:55 - Yeah.

02:28:56 - I did see that, you know where I saw that?

02:28:56 - Where, on my Instagram?

02:28:57 - On your Instagram.

02:28:58 - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

02:28:59 - Well, they said it.

02:29:00 - It's impressive as fuck.

02:29:01 - I was like, yeah, dude, they're like,

02:29:03 do you want to post this?

02:29:04 I was like, yeah.

02:29:05 - 100%.

02:29:06 - Of course.

02:29:06 - Throw that shit up there multiple times.

02:29:08 - And the guy was so sassy.

02:29:09 - Posted twice in one day.

02:29:10 - The guy was so sassy who wrote it.

02:29:12 - Yeah.

02:29:13 - Yeah, he was like, apparently this guy has five specials.

02:29:17 Apparently, like it's not, you can't find it.

02:29:21 I don't even know how to verify this,

02:29:24 but apparently this guy has five specials on Netflix

02:29:27 and apparently people are watching it.

02:29:30 And I'm like, all right, man, that shit to me is fun.

02:29:32 But it's honestly, it's not even about,

02:29:34 it's not about that.

02:29:35 It's about that like, I feel like when you do a special,

02:29:39 it's like when you've been in a kitchen,

02:29:42 you know what I mean?

02:29:43 Like you've been making something and you go.

02:29:45 - Cooking something up.

02:29:46 - Yeah, and you are excited.

02:29:48 I don't believe anybody that isn't excited

02:29:50 for people to like try it, right?

02:29:52 And yes, some people go, this tastes like shit,

02:29:55 but a lot of people enjoy it.

02:29:56 And then you go, well, that feels good.

02:29:58 - Man, thank you.

02:30:00 This has been an honor, bro.

02:30:01 - No, I'm super, I'm sorry I couldn't make it

02:30:04 to what would have been a horrific experience at the.

02:30:07 - You're coming next year.

02:30:08 - You can be a spectator.

02:30:09 You don't have to.

02:30:10 - You can be a ref next year.

02:30:11 - You don't know, I might be fucking jacked.

02:30:13 Fuck you guys up.

02:30:14 - Dude, we didn't get to talk about it,

02:30:15 but you look really good.

02:30:17 You've lost a lot of weight.

02:30:18 - We're going to get killed.

02:30:19 - I know, I know.

02:30:20 - Have you seen this shit?

02:30:20 - Yeah.

02:30:21 - Hey, he's got the, what's it called?

02:30:23 The short head.

02:30:24 He's got a short head bicep.

02:30:25 - Short heads, short heads play.

02:30:27 - So if we play ball, dude.

02:30:28 - You need the short heads.

02:30:29 Long heads take longer to develop.

02:30:31 They don't look as good.

02:30:32 - That's what I'm talking about.

02:30:33 - You got to get good physique.

02:30:34 You guys, come on.

02:30:35 - You've healed up nicely since your basketball incident.

02:30:37 - Thanks brother.

02:30:38 - Thanks.

02:30:39 - I'll see you in the pool next year.

02:30:40 - No question.

02:30:41 You will be more injured.

02:30:42 Hey, have a great day.

02:30:43 Big hugs, tiny kisses.

02:30:45 - Thanks, thanks so much, man.

02:30:46 [BLANK_AUDIO]

Tom Segura Talks His Obsession W/ College Football & What Pisses Him Off The Most About Bert Kreischer

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