Category
😹
AmusantTranscription
00:00 [Music]
00:09 I have done it, Hank. I have finally done it.
00:13 I have gotten someone to respond to my letter.
00:16 You see, Peggy, you just needed to find a pen pal with as much free time as you have.
00:21 No, I sent song lyrics to every major country music star,
00:26 and I finally got this from Mr. Randy Travis.
00:30 Randy Travis?
00:32 Okay. Dear songwriter, we regret to inform you blah blah blah, legal reasons blah blah,
00:39 never read it blah blah blah. Okay, once again, good luck with your songwriting career.
00:45 Signed, Robb Readers of the law firm Readers and Anatole.
00:49 Huh, kind of sounds to me like Randy Travis's lawyer sent you a rejection letter.
00:55 Oh, Hank, they have to say that.
00:58 Travis loved my lyrics. He called me a songwriter.
01:03 He said I have a career in front of me, and you know what?
01:06 He is right.
01:08 [Music]
01:10 Yahoo!
01:13 [Music]
01:15 [Music]
01:44 We've had many great suggestions for our church bus trip this year,
01:49 and we decided to go to Country Music Fanfare in Nashville, Tennessee.
01:54 I win! That was my suggestion.
01:57 Thank you, Assistant Pastor Rayburn.
02:04 For those of you who don't know, I am Peggy Hill,
02:08 and Fanfare is a four-day festival where we will get to meet our favorite country music stars
02:14 including my friend, Randy Travis.
02:17 Okay, may God look upon you with kindness and give you peace.
02:25 Amen. You are now dismissed.
02:28 Connie, I'm gonna miss you so much.
02:36 I got you this phone card at the mall.
02:38 It's good for 10 minutes and has Tony Danza's picture on it.
02:43 Connie, my girl, Buddha broke the mold when he made you.
02:47 Okay, people, two-minute warning.
02:51 Please see me for your seat assignments before you get on the bus.
02:55 I was planning to let people sit wherever they wanted, like church.
02:59 Church is not a field trip.
03:02 As a substitute educator, I know field trips,
03:05 and as a country songwriter, I also know Nashville.
03:09 Um, Peggy, I'm the Assistant Pastor of this congregation,
03:13 and I did go to Divinity School in Nashville where I wrote a hymn or two.
03:18 Yes, but you did not get a letter from Randy Travis, and I did.
03:21 On the bus!
03:23 Good morning, fanfarers and fanfairies.
03:31 I will be calling out various highlights of our 14-hour trip to Nashville.
03:37 Our first stop will be the world's largest fiberglass raven,
03:41 which is also the largest raven I have ever seen.
03:44 Congratulations to Eustace Miller, who came closest with a guess of 61.
03:50 The number I was thinking of was 64.
03:53 Yes!
03:54 Hank, is she gonna play camp counselor through the entire state of Arkansas?
04:02 Oh, come on, Dale.
04:03 She's just having fun.
04:05 Think of another number, Peggy.
04:07 Hello, Mr. Super Newt Simpone.
04:13 Is Connie there?
04:14 Connie?
04:15 She's not here.
04:18 She's, uh...
04:19 Where is she?
04:20 If Connie want to go swimming all afternoon with Chain Wasara Song,
04:25 that her business.
04:26 Enjoy your hibbly festival!
04:28 Hey, this is Tony Tanza.
04:30 You've got eight minutes left.
04:34 On behalf of Fanfare, let me be the first to welcome you
04:38 with a little song written by Peggy Hill.
04:42 Fanfare can be funfair, but if you don't want you turnin' a lie-hide,
04:47 well, that's unfair.
04:49 Thank you.
04:51 Dinner's ready!
04:55 I hope you brought your appetites.
04:57 We are having spa-peggy and meatballs.
05:00 Did she say spa-peggy?
05:03 Well, spa-peggy is a lot like spaghetti.
05:05 I'm not sure what Peggy does different, if anything.
05:10 But it's the one dish she's kind of made her own.
05:13 Well, hey there, cowboy.
05:26 Now, who's this pretty gal?
05:27 Your wife?
05:28 We're not married.
05:31 We're just sharing a tent.
05:32 And we're cousins.
05:34 Can you just sign our books and we'll be on our way?
05:39 Whoa, what's the trouble, Bubble?
05:41 I think my girlfriend left me.
05:45 Oh, ladies and gentlemen, it's gonna be just a little while.
05:48 We got a situation here.
05:50 So every time you call Mr. Superphone,
05:53 tells you that Connie's out with his chain fella.
05:56 He said for the first time in her life,
05:59 Connie is actually happy.
06:01 Now, it sounds like her daddy is using his chain to yank your chain.
06:06 Kix is right.
06:06 Heck, I got a teenage daughter at home.
06:08 And every time her boyfriend calls,
06:10 I say she's out with Brad Pitt.
06:12 I love Brad Pitt.
06:15 Your daughter is so lucky.
06:18 No, Luan, don't you get it?
06:21 Connie and I are back together.
06:23 Look, look, it's really him.
06:28 It's Randy Travis, just like on the album cover.
06:31 Take a picture of me giving him my lyrics.
06:35 Someday my fans will want to remember this moment.
06:38 Wait.
06:40 I'll take my sandwich now.
06:48 [Music]
07:04 You know, there is a line here.
07:05 What the?
07:09 You stole my song!
07:10 No, no, no.
07:17 No, you don't understand.
07:18 I am not the bad guy.
07:19 Hank, will you say something?
07:21 Why did you punch Randy Travis?
07:24 This is just the way God made me.
07:26 I wrote that.
07:28 Excuse me, fellas.
07:29 Hold up a second.
07:30 I'm Mr. Travis's manager.
07:32 Randy would like to speak to the lady.
07:34 And we completely understand if you don't want to give us an autograph.
07:40 I have proof of your thievery.
07:42 You said I had a promising songwriting career.
07:46 Now, how do you plead?
07:47 I don't plead anything, ma'am.
07:49 I never saw your song.
07:51 This is a form letter from my guard dog lawyers.
07:54 If I had a dime for every song a fan sent me, I'd be Dolly Parton rich.
08:00 Well, that explains it.
08:02 Thank you.
08:02 Not to me, it does not.
08:03 You think this is the first time two songwriters came up with similar lyrics?
08:08 Stand by your man, Tammy Wynette.
08:11 Understand your man, Johnny Cash.
08:13 Do you see a pattern here?
08:15 Yes, but "This is just the way God made me" is uniquely Peggy Hill.
08:20 You see, I grew up in Montana, and I had very big feet.
08:25 I still do.
08:26 And when other kids would make fun of me, my grandma told me to tell them,
08:30 "This is just the way God made me."
08:33 And today, I am able to pass that wisdom on to my students.
08:38 You see, I am a boggle champion and a substitute teacher.
08:43 Good for you.
08:43 Teaching is important.
08:45 Hank, what do you do for a living?
08:47 I sell propane and propane accessories.
08:50 Ah, propane salesman.
08:52 Now that's something that would make a good song.
08:55 I have been saying that for years.
08:57 Me too.
08:58 Bobby, I put out two of your mom's apple brown buddies.
09:06 Now, I'm no math magician, but there's only one here now.
09:11 Did you eat the other one?
09:13 I can see how you might jump to that conclusion given last night's cupcake incident.
09:18 And yes, I did take the apple brown Betty.
09:21 But it's for Brooks and Dunn to thank them for easing my pain.
09:26 Dinner!
09:26 Lord, thank you for the food we're about to eat,
09:31 for the quick moving line at the Sawyer Brown booth, for the calm skies.
09:36 And please, God, please punish Randy Travis for stealing my song.
09:41 Amen.
09:44 And Miss Faith Hill strained her vocal cords,
09:52 cheering on her team at the celebrity softball game.
09:56 Her team still lost, thanks to a costly error by Garth Brooks.
10:00 As pretty as Faith is, we've got someone almost as pretty.
10:06 Mr. Randy Travis.
10:09 I'm surprised Randy Travis isn't still at the game stealing bases.
10:13 Come on, Peggy.
10:15 This is our vacation.
10:17 Can't we just have a good time?
10:18 Look, you can have whatever kind of time you like.
10:21 I am going to sit here and boo.
10:23 Would a couple of beers help the situation?
10:25 Boo!
10:26 Boo!
10:27 Sure would help me.
10:30 Careful where you step, Lisa.
10:35 That John Michael Montgomery's been riding that horse of his around here.
10:39 Boo!
10:40 Dead gummy John Michael!
10:42 Clint, I want a horse for my birthday.
10:45 Oh, you got it, honey.
10:47 Ideally, I would have gotten Brooks and Dunn matching fanfare water bottles,
10:52 but I didn't have $40.
10:54 This brown Betty was priced to move.
10:58 Just shove it back in the pan.
11:02 Nobody will know the difference.
11:08 Excuse me, partner.
11:09 You mind if I step in front of you?
11:11 Well, I've been waiting it.
11:12 Oh my God, you're Charlie Daniels.
11:15 Mr. Daniels, I'm a huge fan.
11:19 It would be an honor to let you cut in front of me.
11:22 Well, I appreciate it.
11:23 I tell you what, won't you let me get you something, too?
11:27 What are you drinking?
11:29 Oh, an Alamo, please.
11:30 Let me have a Coke with no ice and an Alamo from my new friend here.
11:36 That'll be $4, Clint.
11:38 Thank you.
11:44 Thank you very much.
11:45 You're very kind.
11:46 Hey, this next one's got a little story behind it.
11:48 When I was a kid, you see, I spent a lot of time in Montana.
11:52 Cold, cold winters up there.
11:54 And when I was about nine or ten, my feet were growing just a little bit faster than the rest of them.
12:00 What?
12:00 I mean, I had big feet.
12:02 We're talking like bozo size, folks.
12:05 And when the other kids would make fun of me, you see, my dad, who I might add was a substitute school teacher, told me,
12:12 "You tell them this is just the way God made me."
12:16 But that's my story.
12:21 Two, three, four.
12:28 I have a barbell trophy on my bedroom shelf.
12:36 Hank!
12:37 Hank!
12:38 So I called and Connie's dad answered.
12:42 I disguised my voice and said I was from Who's Who and American Middle School Students.
12:48 He put me right through.
12:50 That only works once.
12:51 And thanks for the brown Betty.
12:53 Thanks for boot-skippin' boogie.
12:57 All right, let's dig into that apple Betty.
12:59 Hey, get your own.
13:01 The boy gave it to me.
13:02 It was meant for both of us.
13:04 Well, you kept the sweater that gal from Syracuse gave us.
13:07 Well, how am I supposed to share a sweater, Kix?
13:09 You want me to rip it in half?
13:10 This is good pie.
13:13 Hank, where were you?
13:19 Travis told my story.
13:21 He said that it happened to him.
13:23 He stole Boggle.
13:24 He stole Montana.
13:25 He stole my big feet.
13:27 Shh!
13:28 Who said that?
13:29 Who?
13:29 Who said that?
13:30 All right, let's go outside.
13:32 I cannot believe you are siding with Travis.
13:35 I...
13:36 I am your wife.
13:37 Look, I believe you believe you wrote that song.
13:42 And I believe you believe he stole your story.
13:45 But that doesn't make it true.
13:47 So I'm a liar?
13:49 Why would I make this up, Hank?
13:52 Well, Peggy, you've got a pretty high opinion of yourself.
13:57 Oh, then I should have a low opinion of myself?
13:59 Is that what you're saying?
14:01 No, no, not at all.
14:02 It's just that you've done so much in your life,
14:05 you don't need to take credit for things you haven't done.
14:08 Like writing that song and, you know, the other stuff.
14:14 What other stuff?
14:15 Well, like dinner.
14:18 I mean, I think it's cute that you call it "Spah Peggy and Meatballs."
14:23 But, you know, it's just noodles and tomato sauce and balls of meat.
14:30 But then I add just the right amount of sugar and grated Parmigiano cheese.
14:34 Okay, when we were setting up camp,
14:37 you said that, in your opinion, kindling is the best wood to start a fire.
14:43 Well, isn't it, Hank?
14:44 Of course it is.
14:45 But it's not your opinion.
14:47 It's a known fact.
14:48 And now you say Randy Travis has taken your childhood and calling it his own.
14:53 It's getting crazy.
14:55 So now I'm crazy?
14:58 Well, it's a gray area.
15:00 I told you the truth, Hank.
15:03 If I am lying, may God strike me down right now.
15:06 This is Mockingbird calling the Sparrow.
15:17 Hi, Dale.
15:18 Use code names, Bill.
15:20 I'm Mockingbird.
15:22 Sorry, Dale.
15:22 Oh, hey, Peggy Gwynn.
15:26 Where's the big bird?
15:27 Hank and I are spending the rest of Fanfare apart because of Randy Travis.
15:32 He took me back to his trailer and lied to my face.
15:35 I'd like to spit on that trailer.
15:37 Ah, what would that solve?
15:39 We ought to wrap the trailer in toilet paper.
15:44 I think I have some left over from the Billy Ray Cyrus job.
15:48 Yes, I like that.
15:50 I like that a lot.
15:51 All right, just one more.
15:54 Then I've got to go find Peggy.
15:56 Everybody smile.
15:57 You're not smiling, Mr. Brooks.
15:59 Mockingbird, this is the Peggy Gwynn.
16:08 We are at 50% tissue coverage.
16:10 Morale is high.
16:12 How's Travis?
16:13 Contained.
16:14 I will secure an autograph made out to all of us.
16:17 It will be our alibi.
16:18 Out.
16:19 Okay, Bill.
16:20 Throw it.
16:20 Throw it back over.
16:22 I did a minute ago.
16:23 It should have landed by now.
16:24 Oh, Boom Hauer, give me a boost.
16:27 Nah, it's okay.
16:32 I'll get it.
16:33 Do you see it?
16:36 No!
16:36 Well, it never would have happened if he hadn't stolen my song.
16:52 Hey!
16:57 Hey, somebody!
17:00 Somebody help get me out of here!
17:04 Help me get out!
17:05 And remember, not one word.
17:13 As I like to say, what is done is done.
17:16 Peggy, where have you been?
17:20 We dumped Randy Travis's trailer in the lake.
17:22 You what?
17:24 They stole Peggy's song.
17:25 Look at handsome Randy Travis.
17:30 I'd like to see his chiseled face when he goes back to that trailer.
17:34 Where are you looking, Dale?
17:36 Randy Travis's booth is empty.
17:38 Nuh-uh.
17:39 I got his autograph.
17:41 It's our alibi.
17:42 This says, "Best regards, the Oak Ridge Boys."
17:47 Isn't he the one with the beard?
17:49 The door's locked!
17:51 I can't get out!
17:52 Oh, God.
17:56 Oh, oh.
17:56 Please be okay.
18:06 Please, please be okay.
18:07 Why would he toilet paper and then drive his own trailer into the lake?
18:14 Puzzling.
18:16 Oh, Hank, what is taking so long?
18:43 I was taking a nap.
18:48 Trailer must have come off the blocks.
18:51 Next year, I'm gonna hire somebody to set it up.
18:54 Hank, I am so, so sorry.
19:02 Peggy said it was an accident, but I don't know.
19:09 She thinks Randy Travis stole her song lyrics, and maybe that sent her over the edge.
19:15 Hank, Reverend Shuler once delivered a sermon that came straight from my Christmas card.
19:20 But I didn't throw a rock through the Crystal Cathedral.
19:23 Well, I might have made things worse.
19:27 I said some awful things to her, Pastor Larry.
19:30 I told her she's not as great as she thinks she is.
19:34 Better she hears it from someone she loves.
19:37 Maybe she did try to drown Randy Travis.
19:39 No, what am I saying?
19:42 She'd have to be crazy.
19:43 But maybe the fact that her husband didn't support her could have...
19:48 No, Peggy's not crazy.
19:51 Right?
19:53 So, Doc, in your opinion, had he shared some of the brown Betty,
20:04 would he have gotten quite this sick?
20:06 Ronnie, please.
20:07 I'm very ill.
20:08 What was in that brown Betty, anyway?
20:12 Um, I don't know.
20:13 My mom made it.
20:15 Peggy, what are you doing here?
20:19 Randy Travis is gonna bring Uncle Hank up on stage any minute to thank him for saving his life.
20:25 Well, Hank doesn't want me anywhere near the final jam concert.
20:30 He said he was afraid I'd take a swing at Faith Hill for stealing our last name.
20:36 [applause]
20:38 One more time for Martina McBride!
20:41 Thank you.
20:43 This next act has been featured on the cover of over 20 million boxes of Corn Flakes.
20:48 Ladies and gentlemen, Dunn!
20:50 [applause]
20:53 To Hank Hill, Love, Winona.
20:56 Thank you.
20:57 I'm gonna hang this in my garage.
21:00 Now, you'll think about what I said.
21:02 I was raised with charcoal.
21:04 I'll die with charcoal.
21:06 So back off.
21:07 Mr. Hill, I'm Trooper Larson with the Tennessee State Police.
21:13 We received a tip that your wife, Peggy Hill, might try to harm Mr. Randy Travis.
21:18 A tip?
21:18 Who told you that?
21:20 I did.
21:21 What?
21:22 You can't do that.
21:23 I'm sorry, Hank.
21:24 Your wife's nuts.
21:26 She's a threat to others.
21:28 We don't know that.
21:29 Nobody can really replace Kix Brooks.
21:32 But would y'all mind if Randy Travis gave it a try?
21:34 [applause]
21:37 Mr. Hill, do you know where your wife is?
21:39 Do you see something, sir?
21:44 There she is!
21:45 That's Peggy Hill.
21:46 Mrs. Hill!
21:47 Oh, no.
21:48 Peggy, I thought we agreed you weren't gonna come to the final jam concert.
21:53 I'm here to see Randy Travis.
21:55 I have something special to give to him.
21:57 Ma'am, I'd like you to come down to the police tent with me.
22:00 What?
22:01 Well, I'm here to apologize.
22:04 Look, I brought him an apple brown betty.
22:06 Homemade.
22:09 All right, you see that?
22:11 It's just a pie.
22:12 No knife, even.
22:13 Apple brown betty.
22:15 Kix Brooks was poisoned by a homemade apple brown betty fitting this description.
22:20 Peggy, what did he do to you?
22:22 This is Larson.
22:23 I'm gonna need backup.
22:24 This is Mockingbird.
22:26 Who's Larson?
22:26 Ma'am, place the baked goods on the table and take a step back, please.
22:31 Why are you looking at me like that?
22:35 Randy Travis stole my song, but I am not going to kill him.
22:40 I am not crazy.
22:42 Well, yeah, Peggy.
22:44 I mean...
22:45 Tell them, Hank.
22:48 Let's go.
22:50 You and your brown betty are coming down to the station.
22:54 Wait, she's not crazy.
22:56 I'll just take her home.
22:58 No, we have to test the pie.
23:00 What if I eat a piece of this brown betty and I'm okay?
23:04 Then it'll prove my wife's telling the truth, right?
23:08 Hank, don't!
23:10 It's for Randy Travis.
23:12 Mr. Hill, don't!
23:17 There's already one man in the hospital.
23:19 [Music]
23:31 Now, that is a good piece of pie.
23:33 I tell you what, they ought to change the name to Apple Brown Peggy.
23:38 No, it's an Apple Brown Betty.
23:41 I just add a spoonful of orange juice.
23:44 Well, nobody else does that.
23:48 [Music]
23:52 And now I'd like to introduce you all to Hank Hill,
23:55 a man who taught me just how precious life is.
23:58 You see, yesterday my trailer fell in the lake,
24:01 and just as I was freeing myself,
24:03 I saw this loyal fan drowning in the water nearby,
24:07 and I saved his life.
24:10 I want to bring him up to sing with me.
24:13 Come on up here, Hank.
24:15 Well, I'll punch him this time.
24:18 Oh, what's the use?
24:20 I have a Bible trophy
24:30 On my bedroom shelf
24:34 I want it on my own
24:39 With help from no one else
24:45 Still I know that I'm not perfect
24:49 I have a flaw or two
24:54 But there's plenty of love here for you