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00:00Mom, what's the hang-up?
00:01I'm going to be late.
00:02Breakfast is coming up.
00:03Mom, I've got to get out of here.
00:04In a minute.
00:05Natalie, I have a staff meeting at 9 o'clock.
00:06You'll make it.
00:07Let's see now.
00:08It's a waffle for Ross, fried eggs for Martin, scrambled eggs for Patty, and French toast
00:20for Kathy.
00:21Good morning, ladies.
00:22Good morning, Doctor.
00:23What are you doing at this moment?
00:24Fixing breakfast, what are you doing?
00:25Are you fixing breakfast or performing one of a hundred other household tasks?
00:41Then I wholeheartedly approve.
00:43Thank you, Doctor.
00:45With one reservation.
00:47Only if your family appreciates what you're doing.
00:50You bet they do.
00:51One of the major problems of the housewife
00:53in modern civilization is that she is taken for granted.
00:56She becomes no more than a useful piece of furniture
00:59around the house, and she is treated as such.
01:02Boy, have you got a lot to learn.
01:05Here we are.
01:09That's French toast for Kathy.
01:13Scrambled eggs for Patty.
01:14Fried eggs for Martin.
01:16And a waffle for Russ.
01:21Richard and Craig are picking us up at six o'clock.
01:23We'll have dinner on the way.
01:24I'll get home early.
01:25I want to do my hair.
01:26Will you do mine for me while you're at it, Kath?
01:28All right.
01:29You're a giant.
01:30Mind me to do something nice for you sometime, cuz.
01:33Is everything all right?
01:36Why don't we go to a movie tonight?
01:38No, the CEA conference is starting today.
01:40I'm afraid I won't be home for dinner.
01:42Patty?
01:43Kathy and I won't be home either, Mom.
01:45We're double dating with a couple of tycoons.
01:48Ross?
01:49I have a patrol meeting tonight.
01:53I see.
01:57Therefore, in conclusion, let me say, housewives,
02:00you may be in bigger trouble than you think.
02:03The big question is, are mothers people?
02:07No.
02:08No.
02:09No.
02:09No.
02:10No.
02:11No.
02:12No.
02:13No.
02:14No.
02:14No.
02:15No.
02:16No.
02:17No.
02:18No.
02:19No.
02:19No.
02:20No.
02:21No.
02:22No.
02:23No.
02:24No.
02:24No.
02:25No.
02:26No.
02:27No.
02:28No.
02:29No.
02:29No.
02:30No.
02:31No.
02:32No.
02:33No.
02:34No.
02:34No.
02:35No.
02:36No.
02:37No.
02:38No.
02:39No.
02:39No.
02:40No.
02:41No.
02:42No.
02:43No.
02:44No.
02:44No.
02:45No.
02:46No.
02:47No.
02:48Ap stumbled.
02:49Stumbled.
02:50Stumbled.
02:51Stumbled.
02:52Stumbled.
02:53Stumbled.
02:54Stumbled.
02:55Stumbled.
02:56Stumbled.
02:57Stumbled.
02:58Stumbled.
02:58Stumbled.
02:59Stumbled.
03:00Stumbled.
03:10She lines me up.
03:11I hope she is not too good to be truthful with.
03:14Maybe.
03:16It's getting late.
03:17Natalie?
03:19Yes, dear?
03:21What'd you do with my briefcase?
03:22I didn't do anything with it.
03:24Well, somebody did. I left it right there in the hall closet.
03:26Did you look in there?
03:27Of course I looked in there.
03:32There it is, right where you left it.
03:34Well, there's so much junk in there, it's a wonder anybody can find anything.
03:37Well, I'm gonna clean it out again just as soon as I find the time.
03:40You know, most of the things in there are yours, darling,
03:42and a lot of it could go into the basement.
03:44Oh, that's a good idea.
03:45Well, not the golf clubs.
03:47All right.
03:48I'd say we'd better keep the skis up here, too.
03:51All right. You never know when it'll snow in the closet.
03:56Well, you know, my old medicine ball...
03:58That could go in the basement.
03:59No, I'm gonna start working out a little.
04:02Hey, there's my old fishing pole.
04:04That could certainly go.
04:06Let's leave it.
04:07You planning to fish through the ice?
04:09Well, since I get a little time, I think I'd like to practice a little dry fly casting.
04:15Now, this could certainly go somewhere else.
04:19Oh, you're right.
04:21You know, if my desk were that cluttered,
04:23we'd never get the newspaper out.
04:26Darling!
04:27Yeah?
04:28Oh, never mind.
04:30All set. Papa, will you give us a lift?
04:32Oh, sure.
04:33Say, Natalie, there's some buttons missing from my blue shirt and my striped shirt.
04:36Would you sew them on when you get a chance?
04:38All right.
04:39I rent my corduroys. Maybe you can patch it.
04:41I'll take a look at them.
04:42Mom, if Roger calls, will you tell him that we're meeting at Suzie's?
04:45We're gonna stop for a bite at Binky's if he wants to join us.
04:47Oh, Natalie, if Judy calls,
04:49will you tell her that I won't be able to help her with her math tonight,
04:51but that I'll call tomorrow night at 8 o'clock?
04:54If Roger calls, you're meeting at Suzie's. He can join you at Binky's.
04:56You can't work with Judy tonight. 8 o'clock tomorrow night.
04:59There's buttons on your blue shirt and striped shirt,
05:01and a ribbon in your corduroy pants.
05:02Bye, Mom.
05:03Bye, Mom.
05:15♪
05:27Joan? Natalie?
05:29Are you doing anything?
05:32Can you come over here right now?
05:35I guess I've always just taken it for granted that my family appreciates me.
05:39But this morning, when I heard that psychologist
05:41talking about what a big problem this is to American housewives,
05:44I realized it was true. They don't appreciate me.
05:47Welcome to the club, honey.
05:49I clean for them, cook for them, sew on buttons, nurse their colds,
05:53and I love doing it. Don't misunderstand me.
05:55Oh, I read you loud and clear.
05:57You just want a little appreciation.
05:59Exactly.
06:01You know, all they have to do is just say thank you once in a while.
06:04A little pat on the head to old dog Trey.
06:08Joan?
06:10Do you know how many breakfasts I've cooked for them?
06:126,559.
06:14How do you happen to know that?
06:16I figured it out. And you know how many dishes I've washed.
06:18I'd rather not hear.
06:21You think I'm making a mountain out of a molehill?
06:23No. I think you're making a molehill out of a mountain.
06:26I think it's time for the mothers of the world to unite.
06:29I hate to say it about my own family, but I have to face facts.
06:32They're selfish. They don't care what happens to me.
06:36You know, what we really need is a union.
06:39How do I go about joining?
06:42First, we have to plan our attack.
06:44You make it sound like some kind of battle.
06:45That's exactly what it is. All-out war.
06:49Joan, this is my family. I love them. They love me.
06:51Of course, but every once in a while,
06:54you have to give them a little nudge
06:56to remind them that you're around, that's all.
06:58What am I supposed to do, go around saying,
07:00appreciate me, everybody?
07:01There are techniques.
07:03I'm afraid I don't know them.
07:04Mother will teach you.
07:06Step one.
07:07Tomorrow morning, you are going to be so sick.
07:13What?
07:14Tomorrow morning, you are going to stay in bed.
07:17We'll start them off with a little sympathy.
07:20It never fails.
07:31Honey, is there anything I can bring you before I go to work?
07:33No, thank you.
07:35How are you feeling?
07:36Fine, thank you. Just a little weak.
07:39You're probably coming down with a cold.
07:44Pneumonia.
07:45I doubt it. You'll be on your feet before you know it.
07:48You're too restless to spend more than a few hours in bed.
07:51Uh, by the way, while you're resting,
07:53I wish you'd look over this speech I'm going to make
07:55at the overseas club tonight.
07:57See if you think there's anything I should add to it.
08:00Uh, and I'd appreciate it if you would see
08:02that my dinner jacket is pressed.
08:03And, by the way, please call Gilroy's
08:06and tell him to make sure my shirt is here by 5 o'clock, okay?
08:09Hi, Mom. How are you feeling?
08:11Oh, Mom, I'm supposed to meet Richard back here after school,
08:13but I'll be tied up with a dance committee meeting.
08:15When he comes, will you tell him to go over to Alice's
08:17and I'll meet him over there?
08:18Oh, and you might call Alice and tell her
08:20that Richard is bringing the records.
08:22I'd call him myself, but I won't have time.
08:24How are you feeling, Aunt Natalie?
08:26Terrible.
08:27Oh, I'm sorry.
08:28You're probably coming down with a cold.
08:31I'm expecting a COD package.
08:33Could you please pay the delivery man when he comes?
08:35There's a dress in it.
08:37If you're feeling well enough,
08:38I would appreciate it if you'd hang it up for me.
08:40I'd like to wear it tonight.
08:42How are you feeling, Mom?
08:44Marvelous.
08:45That's great.
08:45Mom, one of the wings of my model jet got broken.
08:48I told Mr. Francioso you'd bring it in.
08:51If he can't fix it, buy a model kit 7A.
08:54Don't get 7B, 7A.
08:56And he'll give you a trade-in on the model kit on my dresser.
08:58If it's not on my dresser, it's in one of my drawers.
09:01Can't you do it yourself after school?
09:03I'm not coming home after school.
09:04We're going out to play ball,
09:06and I need the plane to enter in a contest Saturday.
09:08Perhaps your mother doesn't feel up to it, Ross.
09:10Oh, don't worry about me.
09:12I'll do it while I'm resting.
09:14Look over your speech, have dinner jacket pressed.
09:16Tell Gilroy's to have your shirt here by the window.
09:18Tell Richard to meet you at Alice's.
09:20Tell Alice Richard will be there with the records.
09:22Pay postman for your dress.
09:23Hang it up.
09:24Take your model jet to Mr. Francioso.
09:26If he can't fix it, buy model 7A, not 7B.
09:29He will give a trade-in for a model set on your dresser.
09:32And if I have any time left over while I'm convalescing,
09:34why don't I just build another wing onto the house?
09:46Didn't work?
09:47Didn't work? It was one of the busiest days of my life.
09:50Oh, they have no feeling for me at all.
09:52I'm Gimme Lane.
09:53Gimme this and gimme that.
09:55All right, we're gonna have to go on to step two.
09:58Could you skip to step three? I'm getting mad.
10:01I'm not ready yet for step three.
10:04Now, we're gonna have to start work on Martin.
10:06You know, when a husband finds the lines in a newspaper
10:09more interesting than his wife's lines,
10:11it's time to do something about it.
10:13Oh, well, Martin has to read the newspapers.
10:15It's his business.
10:16Oh, so are you.
10:19When was the last time you wallowed in a beauty parlor?
10:22I was at the hairdressers two weeks ago.
10:24I said wallowed.
10:26I mean, facial, massage,
10:29shampoo, scent, manicure, pedicure.
10:33Wallowed.
10:34I see.
10:35And it wouldn't do your morale any harm
10:37to be sporting a new French dress
10:38with some heady perfume to match?
10:41Well, that'd be very expensive.
10:44That's his problem.
10:47Uncle Martin, what's a seven-letter word for ill-tempered?
10:51Testy.
10:52No, that's five.
10:54I think it begins with a G.
10:56Grumpy?
10:58No, that's only six.
11:00Watch this go.
11:01Grrrr!
11:03Ross, will you be careful?
11:05This is a small airport.
11:07I'm gonna join the Air Force when I grow up.
11:09Oh, I'll bet they can't wait.
11:11I wasn't talking to you.
11:12Can't the two of you behave in a more civilized manner
11:15toward one another?
11:16I apologize.
11:18I consider the source, and I accept it.
11:22Well, you're a gracious monster.
11:25Neither of you means a word of it.
11:27You should have heard Ross leap to your defense
11:28when Pinky Miller said his sister was prettier than you.
11:32Is that true?
11:33You should see his sister.
11:45Good evening.
11:46Hi, Mom. Hi, Mom.
11:48Hi, honey.
11:52What time are we eating?
11:54Is that all you think about, eating?
11:57I only ask because we have an editorial meeting tonight
12:00and I have to get down to the paper.
12:01Dinner isn't gonna be ready soon.
12:02I'll have a sandwich out.
12:05Of course, I don't want you to eat out.
12:06I'll fix something right away.
12:08I have a date, too, Mom. I'm going bowling.
12:10I'm afraid I don't have much time either, Aunt Natalie.
12:12I promised Nancy I'd help her with her homework.
12:14Well, it looks like we all have a problem.
12:17You know, Natalie,
12:18you really ought to organize your time better.
12:21Why?
12:22Well, if businessmen ran their businesses
12:24as haphazardly as the average home was run,
12:26nothing would ever get done.
12:27I'm sorry.
12:29Let me get out of this rag and I'll go fix dinner.
12:39Who took the mother figure?
12:41I don't know.
12:43Gee, she's been acting awfully touchy lately.
12:46She reminds me of an old snapping turtle I used to have.
12:48Don't suppose she's sick, Mr. Yonker-Martin.
12:51I've never seen her act like this before.
12:54Maybe she's just getting old.
12:56You know how old people are.
12:57No, how are we?
12:59Grouchy.
13:00That's it.
13:01That's what?
13:02The seven-letter word. Grouchy.
13:08Potty?
13:09No, thank you.
13:10Joan, are you sure we're doing the right thing?
13:13Certainly.
13:14Will you just leave everything to me?
13:16Step three always works.
13:19What happened to steps one and two?
13:21I'm telling you, step three will work.
13:25It's almost 10 o'clock.
13:26They must be worried sick.
13:28That's the whole idea.
13:29By the time you walk in that door,
13:31they'll have the whole Brooklyn Heights police
13:32force out looking for you.
13:35I never did anything like this before.
13:37I didn't even fix dinner for them.
13:38I feel like a criminal.
13:39For heaven's sakes, will you stop worrying
13:41about everybody else and start worrying
13:43about yourself a little?
13:44It's all the same thing.
13:45They are me.
13:46So are you, you.
13:47And it's time they realized it.
13:50I really must go.
13:51All right.
13:53If you want to be an unappreciated household
13:55drudge for the rest of your life.
14:00Pour me some more tea.
14:13I'm home.
14:14Hi, honey.
14:16Hi, Mom.
14:17Check.
14:19Hello, Aunt Natalie.
14:23It's after 10 o'clock.
14:25Gee, is it that late?
14:27Well, I guess you better get on up to bed, son.
14:32Night, Mom.
14:36I'm sorry I'm so late.
14:38Joan and I had dinner together and time just flew.
14:41Good.
14:42Kath, you want to take over for Ross?
14:45And you're in check.
14:48What'd you do about dinner?
14:49Oh, I fixed her something.
14:53Weren't you worried about me?
14:54No, I figured you had dinner with Joan
14:56and the time just flew.
14:58That's terrible.
15:05What'd I say?
15:05Papa, I think we have a problem.
15:14What's the matter?
15:15I just got blasted again.
15:17What did you do?
15:19I said, good morning.
15:21Maybe I said it wrong.
15:24Good morning.
15:26Good morning.
15:29Buenos dias.
15:31Buenos dias.
15:34I wish somebody would write a book
15:35on the care and feeding of parents.
15:37Do you know what I think the trouble is, Patty?
15:39Sure, she hates us.
15:40No, I think she's just tired.
15:43You know, you could be right, Kathy.
15:45I'm sure I am.
15:46She probably doesn't realize how hard she works around here.
15:50She's not getting any younger.
15:51Why don't we try to make things easier for her?
15:54You've solved it.
15:55We're going to reorganize things around here, and right now.
15:59You take this stuff.
16:00I'll take this.
16:02You take this stuff.
16:03I was going to ask her to press it.
16:05It would have taken her at least an hour,
16:06but now I'm not going to ask her.
16:07Good for you.
16:08You're going to press it.
16:09Why me?
16:11You're young and strong.
16:12So are you.
16:13Don't worry, I'm going to do my share.
16:16I'll clean our room.
16:18I'd better fix his zipper, too.
16:19And I can take these things to the cleaners for her.
16:22Good, I'll do the marketing.
16:23There are some shoes to be resold.
16:25I'll take them down for her.
16:27We're really getting things organized.
16:29Before we're through, she won't have anything to do.
16:31She still has to cook.
16:33We can solve that, too.
16:34Tomorrow morning, we'll get up half an hour earlier
16:36and fix breakfast.
16:37What about dinner tonight?
16:39Oh.
16:40Why don't we go to the delicatessen
16:42and buy some barbecued chicken and potato salad and dessert?
16:45You're really rolling, Cat.
16:46I'll spring forward with my own move.
16:48I'll set the table and make the coffee.
16:50We're in orbit.
16:51Oh, except for one little thing.
16:53Ross.
16:54Yeah.
16:55Okay, you wait on the monster from 8 till 5.
16:58I'll take over from 5 till 8.
17:00That'll keep him out of Mom's hair.
17:01Well, that should take care of everything.
17:03We're gonna make a lady of leisure out of her.
17:06Let's get to work.
17:15Well, it's all clean.
17:22Afternoon, Mrs. Lane.
17:23Well, I didn't order that.
17:24I haven't even done my shopping.
17:25Patty took care of it.
17:26Patty?
17:27Yes, ma'am.
17:28I'll put the meat in the freezer.
17:29Oh, I'll do that.
17:31She said I was to do it.
17:32She said she won't be using this tonight.
17:34She's sending home a barbecued chicken.
17:36Bye.
17:42Well, if everybody's finished eating,
17:43I'll clear the table.
17:46I'll get the dessert.
17:47I want to add some chocolate sauce to it.
17:49Boy, that's one of the best dinners we've had in a long time.
17:53Natalie, you haven't eaten anything.
17:55I'm not hungry.
17:57Excuse me.
18:02Looks like your plan isn't working very well.
18:05Not only that, but it's giving me indigestion.
18:08Boy, that chicken tastes like boiled cardboard.
18:11I don't know what to do, Popo.
18:13Nothing we do pleases her.
18:15At least my turtle was friendly some of the time.
18:18Martin, have you tried asking her what's wrong?
18:21Over and over.
18:22Over and over.
18:23All she says is, oh, I'm fine, thank you.
18:25You can see icicles forming over every word.
18:29I don't know what she wants.
18:31A vacation.
18:32What?
18:32Mom needs a vacation.
18:34Well, maybe she does, but I can't get away right now, Patty.
18:37No, all by herself, with none of us around to bug her.
18:40She could lie in the sun all day and have room service.
18:43Yeah, and she'll go swimming and fishing and boating.
18:47Maybe I'll go with her.
18:48I think we should stick to the original plan.
18:50We'll give her a week's vacation just for her.
18:54Yeah, maybe that'll make her smile again.
18:57Let's go tell her the good news.
19:00It's unbelievable, Joe.
19:03That chicken tasted like cardboard,
19:05and Martin said it was the best dinner he ever had.
19:08They wouldn't even let me in my own kitchen.
19:11You were right.
19:12They don't need me anymore.
19:13I'm in the way.
19:16I'll talk to you later.
19:21Hi, Mom.
19:22How are you feeling?
19:24Just fine, thank you.
19:26Natalie, we'd like to talk to you.
19:28It's urgent.
19:30Now, the four of us just had a family conference.
19:33About me?
19:35Yes, Aunt Natalie.
19:36Go on.
19:37What would you think about a trip to Florida?
19:41Florida?
19:42A real vacation.
19:45Nothing to do but lie around in the sun and fish and swim.
19:48And shop.
19:50Would that please you?
19:52Yes, it sounds wonderful.
19:55Oh, I've been so silly.
19:58I thought that...
20:00It doesn't matter.
20:02Martin, can you get away?
20:04And is it all right to take the girls out of school?
20:06We're not going.
20:07No, we're sending you off by yourself.
20:12You're sending me away?
20:13Yes.
20:14Won't it be lovely?
20:15It'll be a great vacation.
20:17You can stay down there for a whole week,
20:18all by yourself.
20:20A week?
20:22Why not two weeks?
20:24Or a month?
20:25Or maybe I'll never come back.
20:37We're in bigger trouble than I thought.
20:39What's the matter?
20:40I just came from Mom's room.
20:41Her bed is covered with travel folders.
20:44What's wrong with that?
20:45They're for around-the-world cruises.
20:47She wouldn't do that.
20:49She's taking enough suitcases for a safari.
20:52Couldn't she be angry with us?
20:53With us?
20:54Don't be silly.
20:55We've cooked for her, we've cleaned for her.
20:58I wonder if she appreciates us.
21:00Perhaps she thinks we don't...
21:03No.
21:04What?
21:05Just a silly idea.
21:06She's a big disappointment to me.
21:09I didn't think she'd go.
21:10We all told her to go.
21:11She didn't have to listen to us.
21:14You know that line from Shakespeare?
21:16There's something rotten in the state of Denmark?
21:18Hamlet.
21:19Well, there's something rotten in Brooklyn.
21:21Your average red-blooded American mother
21:23just doesn't walk out on her family.
21:25It's un-American.
21:27We're not gonna let her do it.
21:29Never mind me.
21:30How could she do that to a poor little kid like you?
21:33Yeah.
21:35Listen, maybe we could pay her to stay.
21:39She can't walk out on us.
21:41And we're gonna tell her so.
21:46I've given them the best years of my life
21:48and now they're through with me.
21:49They can't wait for me to get out of here.
21:52Well, they're not gonna get rid of me that easily.
21:55Where is she?
21:55She's in her room.
21:56We've made a terrible mistake.
21:57We can't let her go.
21:58We've gotta stop her.
21:59Right.
22:04You're not going.
22:05We need you, Aunt Natalie.
22:07We can't get along without you, Mom.
22:08It's my house and I am not leaving.
22:10What did you say?
22:11I said I'm staying here with my family.
22:13You mean you want to stay?
22:15Of course I do.
22:15I live here.
22:17But you've been acting as though you hated us.
22:19I thought you hated me.
22:22I haven't heard one kind word from any of you in years.
22:25You're kidding.
22:26Look, I love doing things for all of you.
22:30All I wanted was just one little thank you.
22:35I'm sorry, Mom.
22:52Good morning, ladies.
22:54This morning, we're going to examine
22:55the American woman's role in the household.
22:58Do you know what you are in your household?
23:01You bet I do.
23:03Indispensable.
23:07Well, thank you, Patty.
23:08My pleasure.
23:09I'll help you with the dishes.
23:10Oh, you run along and meet Richard.
23:13Are you sure?
23:14I don't mind doing them.
23:16Thanks, darling.
23:17Neither do I.
23:18You know, Mom, I guess I never really start to think
23:21how much you do around here.
23:23It never quits, does it?
23:24No, it never quits, and it doesn't pay much,
23:26but the fringe benefits are great.
23:28Thanks, Mom.
23:29For what?
23:31For being so great.
23:34I guess we all take a lot for granted sometimes.
23:37We forget to say thank you, so...
23:44You're so welcome.
23:47Let's get the coffee in there before I cry into it.
23:55Gee, these are the best waffles I've ever tasted, Mom.
23:57The eggs are delicious.
23:58I love the French toast.
24:01Even the milk is great.
24:02Okay, okay, don't overdo it.
24:04We just wanted you to know that we appreciate you.
24:07We may not always remember to tell you, but we do.
24:10By the way, honey, would you check for the laundry
24:12and ask him to stop starching my collars,
24:14and there's some buttons missing again.
24:16I promised Ted I'd lend him my atlas.
24:18Would you please tell him there's two maps he's looking for
24:20on the back pages near the index?
24:22Mom, I brought my shoelaces,
24:24and while you're out getting some,
24:25would you please tell Mr. Francioso
24:26I've changed my mind about that model kit 7A?
24:29Take it back and get C-16, that's the big job.
24:32Oh, Mom, I'm bringing Mary and Alice by for dinner.
24:34Alice doesn't eat veal, and Mary doesn't eat broccoli.
24:37Oh, and if Richard calls, would you tell him
24:38that I can't meet him at the library,
24:40but I'll see him at the mall shop at 4 o'clock?
24:57Here's Kathy, who's lived most everywhere
25:01From Zanzibar to Barkley Square
25:03But Patty's only seen the sights
25:05A girl can see from Brooklyn Heights
25:07What a crazy pair
25:09But they're cousins
25:12Identical cousins and you'll find
25:16They laugh alike, they walk alike
25:18At times they even talk alike
25:20You can lose your mind
25:23When cousins
25:25Are two of a kind