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Short filmTranscript
00:00Come ride the little train that is rolling down the tracks to the junction, forget about
00:12your cares, it is time to relax at the junction, lots of curves, you bet, and even more when
00:22you get to the junction, Petticoat Junction, there's a little hotel called the Shady Rest
00:34at the junction, Petticoat Junction, it is run by Kate, come and be her guest at the
00:41junction, Petticoat Junction, and that's Uncle Joe, he's a-movin' kinda slow at the junction,
00:49Petticoat Junction.
01:19All right, Billy Joe, uh-oh, lost one of my links out of my chain gang, huh?
01:35Billy Joe!
01:36Be right there, Mom.
01:37Betty Joe, you start with Uncle Joe's room.
01:39Right, Mom.
01:40And look under the bed, he knows this is our big cleaning day, so he's probably hiding
01:44there.
01:45What's this?
01:46Oh, that must be the sheet Uncle Joe made into the victory banner for the side of the
01:50train.
01:51I was afraid all that paint wouldn't come out.
01:57Well, I thought I'd better iron it anyway, we're low on sheets.
02:01Some victory special that was.
02:03Yeah, we got clobbered, 84 to nothing thing.
02:06Listen, tell you what to do, put this on Uncle Joe's bed, and maybe it'll discourage him
02:13from paintin' silly signs all over my good linen.
02:16Okay, Mom.
02:17Billy Joe!
02:18Come on, Mom.
02:19Hey!
02:20Don't you start that.
02:21One zha-zha on the family's enough.
02:22Mom!
02:23Mom!
02:24I found something under Uncle Joe's bed.
02:25I'll bet it was Uncle Joe.
02:26It's another bedsheet.
02:27I'll bet it was Uncle Joe.
02:28I'll bet it was Uncle Joe.
02:29I'll bet it was Uncle Joe.
02:30I'll bet it was Uncle Joe.
02:31I'll bet it was Uncle Joe.
02:32I'll bet it was Uncle Joe.
02:33I'll bet it was Uncle Joe.
02:34I'll bet it was Uncle Joe.
02:35I'll bet it was Uncle Joe.
02:36I'll bet it was Uncle Joe.
02:37I'll bet it was Uncle Joe.
02:38I'll bet it was Uncle Joe.
02:39I'll bet it was Uncle Joe.
02:40I'll bet it was Uncle Joe.
02:41I'll bet it was Uncle Joe.
02:42I'll bet it was Uncle Joe.
02:43I'll bet it was Uncle Joe.
02:44I'll bet it was Uncle Joe.
02:45I'll bet it was Uncle Joe.
02:46I'll bet it was Uncle Joe.
02:47I'll bet it was Uncle Joe.
02:48I'll bet it was Uncle Joe.
02:49I'll bet it was Uncle Joe.
02:50I'll bet it was Uncle Joe.
02:51I'll bet it was Uncle Joe.
02:52I'll bet it was Uncle Joe.
02:53I'll bet it was Uncle Joe.
02:54I'll bet it was Uncle Joe.
02:55I'll bet it was Uncle Joe.
02:56I'll bet it was Uncle Joe.
02:57I'll bet it was Uncle Joe.
02:58I'll bet it was Uncle Joe.
02:59I'll bet it was Uncle Joe.
03:00I'll bet it was Uncle Joe.
03:01I'll bet it was Uncle Joe.
03:02I'll bet it was Uncle Joe.
03:03I'll bet it was Uncle Joe.
03:04I'll bet it was Uncle Joe.
03:05I'll bet it was Uncle Joe.
03:06I'll bet it was Uncle Joe.
03:07I'll bet it was Uncle Joe.
03:08I'll bet it was Uncle Joe.
03:09I'll bet it was Uncle Joe.
03:10I'll bet it was Uncle Joe.
03:11I'll bet it was Uncle Joe.
03:12I'll bet it was Uncle Joe.
03:13I'll bet it was Uncle Joe.
03:14I'll bet it was Uncle Joe.
03:15I'll bet it was Uncle Joe.
03:16I'll bet it was Uncle Joe.
03:17I'll bet it was Uncle Joe.
03:18I'll bet it was Uncle Joe.
03:19I'll bet it was Uncle Joe.
03:20I'll bet it was Uncle Joe.
03:21I'll bet it was Uncle Joe.
03:22I'll bet it was Uncle Joe.
03:23Starting today, this lovely little hotel
03:25is going to be known as Honeymoon Haven,
03:27home of Marion Jo Carson,
03:29originator of the package wedding plan
03:31that's going to make us all so rich
03:33we'll be lighting the stove with $10 bills.
03:37All right, girls, let's get back to work.
03:40Kate.
03:41Kate.
03:42Listen to what I'm offering.
03:44A free ride out here from town
03:46on the honeymoon special
03:47originally known as the Hooterville Cannonball.
03:50The wedding ceremony performed by Judge Carson,
03:52the Marion judge,
03:53the wedding supper,
03:54the honeymoon,
03:55and free rides all thrown in
03:57for the unbelievable price of $10.
03:59Uncle Joe.
04:00We'll make this the honeymoon capital of the USA.
04:02We'll slow Niagara Falls down to a trickle.
04:04Uncle Joe.
04:05Where else can folks get a deal like ours?
04:07I'll bet we even get that Burton fella
04:09if he ever marries that...
04:10What's your name?
04:12Uncle Joe, when did you become a judge?
04:15Well, I ain't one yet,
04:16but I'm on my way to Hooterville right now
04:18to take care of that little detail.
04:19Well, that little detail
04:21consists of getting elected.
04:23Oh, no it don't, Kate.
04:25The boys are holding the train for me,
04:27so I'll have to give it to you fast.
04:28The justice of the peace, Dave Pierce,
04:30just resigned his office.
04:31That'll be two months until election.
04:33Somebody has to fill that job for the two months.
04:35Early this morning, I caught the train to Pixley,
04:37and I called Sam Drucker long distance
04:39and asked him as county judge
04:40to appoint me justice pro tem till election.
04:43Can Sam Drucker make you a JP?
04:46Sure he can.
04:47Sam's a long ways to Pixley.
04:49I'm coming, I'm coming!
04:51By election time, I'll be the popular incumbent.
04:53I'll be swept into office
04:54with the thousands of grateful honeymooners
04:56that have united in happy wedlock.
04:58Betty, give me the banner for the honeymoon special.
05:01I'd ask you all to swear it in,
05:03but you got too much to do.
05:04Clean up the roof, put a wedding cake in the oven,
05:06practice that wedding march on the piano,
05:08and sing an old promise me,
05:09and stuff like that.
05:11I'm thinking of ways of spending
05:12all that money we're gonna make.
05:15Well, Mom, what do you think?
05:17I'm worried.
05:18I'm awful worried, girls.
05:20I thought it sounded pretty good.
05:22Yeah, me too.
05:23Yeah.
05:24That's what worries me.
05:25It sounded too good.
05:40Will you stop swooping that pen around
05:42and start signing?
05:43I want to get up to Lost Lake before dark.
05:45I hear they seen a 14-point buck up by the lake.
05:48Boy, would I like to get him in my sights.
05:51A 14-point buck.
05:53Will you stop swooping that gun and start swearing?
05:56Oh, all right.
05:58Do you solemnly swear to perform your duties
06:00as temporary justice of the peace
06:02in a proper manner?
06:03Sam, I'm going to perform my duties so good
06:06that folks from all over the country
06:07are going to come to Hooterville
06:09and ask for Justice Joe Carson, the man who...
06:11Joe, just say, I do so swear.
06:13I do so swear.
06:15That makes it official.
06:16As soon as you get that document countersigned
06:18and recorded by the county clerk at the courthouse.
06:21Joseph Carson, justice of the peace.
06:24Not until you get that document recorded
06:26at the courthouse.
06:27I'm on my way, Sam.
06:34So long, Joe.
06:35Tell Kate I'll bring her some venison.
06:36So long, Sam.
06:38Why isn't Charlie helping you?
06:40You sent him over to the Marriage License Bureau
06:43to drum up business.
06:45Oh, yeah.
06:46You better let me do that, Floyd.
06:48You've been riding this wobbly train
06:50so long on these crooked old tracks,
06:52you wouldn't know straight when you see it.
06:54Don't call the Hooterville Cannonball wobbly.
06:57Don't call the Hooterville Cannonball
06:59the Hooterville Cannonball.
07:01From now on, she's the Hooterville Cannonball.
07:03Don't call the Hooterville Cannonball
07:05the Hooterville Cannonball.
07:06From now on, she's the honeymoon special.
07:09Joe.
07:10Listen, Joe.
07:11No, no.
07:12No more Joe.
07:13From now on, you boys call me
07:15judge or justice or your honor.
07:18Okay.
07:19Listen, Joe.
07:20I seen this young couple coming out
07:21of the Marriage License Bureau
07:23and I told them about your package deal.
07:25They're all set to take it.
07:26Good work, Charlie.
07:29Is that them?
07:30Yeah.
07:31Come on, kids.
07:32Don't be bashful.
07:35Shake hands with the fellow
07:36that's gonna marry you.
07:37Joe, uh, Judge Carson.
07:40Hello, young lovers.
07:43How do you do, sir?
07:44I'm Walter Shepard.
07:45And this is...
07:47Elsie Gregg.
07:48But you'll soon be Elsie Shepard.
07:50Mrs. Walter Shepard.
07:51Yeah.
07:53But I'll still call you Elsie.
07:55Oh, I want you to.
07:57Always.
07:59Excuse me, kids.
08:01I hate to bust in,
08:02but it's time to say all aboard
08:03for Shady Rest.
08:04Honeymoon Haven.
08:06Well, whatever it is,
08:08all aboard for it.
08:09See you at the hotel, kids.
08:10I'll stand up for you, Walt.
08:12Would you young folks like to board
08:13the honeymoon special?
08:15Oh, would you, Walt?
08:16Would you, Elsie?
08:18Well, I'd love to.
08:21I love the way you say love.
08:29All aboard the honeymoon special.
08:32Da, da, da, da, da, da.
08:34Whoa!
08:36Whoa!
08:40Whoa!
08:57Those first sweet violets
09:01Of early spring
09:04Which come in whispers
09:08Thrill us both and sing
09:12Of love unspeakable
09:16That is to be
09:21Oh, promise me
09:26Oh, promise me
09:36Floyd, stop that.
09:38I thought it was pretty.
09:40But this is a solemn occasion.
09:43Oh.
10:06Floyd, you and Charlie over there,
10:08you're the groom's witnesses.
10:10And, Bobby, you and Kate over there,
10:12you're the bride's witnesses.
10:16Now, join hands.
10:20Not us. We're just witnesses.
10:23Are you ready?
10:25I do.
10:26I mean, I am.
10:28Walter and Elsie, we're gathered here
10:30to unite you in the bonds of matrimony.
10:34You know, you two have the honor
10:36of being the first couple I've ever married.
10:38And I'd appreciate it if you'd tell all your single friends
10:41about my unusual package deal.
10:43As you know, you get the trip out here from town,
10:45the ceremony, the wedding supper, the cake.
10:48Joe, this is no time for a commercial.
10:51I'm sorry.
10:53I'm sorry.
10:55Joe, this is no time for a commercial.
10:58Oh, then I'll start right from the beginning again.
11:01Then go on to the ending.
11:04Walter and Elsie, we're gathered here
11:06to unite you in the bonds of matrimony.
11:16All right, everybody, a toast to the bride and groom,
11:19Mr. and Mrs. Walter Shepard.
11:22Congratulations.
11:24Well, that sounds so wonderful.
11:26Well, how does it feel to be actually married?
11:29How do you feel, Elsie?
11:31Well, how do you feel?
11:33I feel just like you feel.
11:36I feel exactly the same way.
11:38It's a wonderful feeling, isn't it?
11:40It sure is.
11:42Ladies and gentlemen.
11:44Ladies and gentlemen,
11:46may the bride and groom propose a toast.
11:48Sure.
11:50My wife and I would like to propose a toast
11:53to the marvelous man who married us,
11:55justice of the peace, Joseph Carson.
11:57Joe.
11:59Now let's have a little of that cake.
12:02Uncle Joe, I want to apologize for doubting you.
12:07This is such a happy, wonderful occasion.
12:10This is only the beginning, Kate.
12:12You'll have to hire you one of them CPAs
12:14to count all your money.
12:16I don't care if we lose money.
12:18Having weddings here is going to be such a joy.
12:21Oh, I love you, Uncle Joe.
12:23Judge Carson in front of folks.
12:35Joseph Carson, justice of the peace.
12:38Not till you get that document recorded at the courthouse.
12:43What's the matter?
12:45You look a little green around the gills.
12:47Charlie, what time's the courthouse closed?
12:49About five.
12:51What time is it now?
12:53About nine.
12:55What time does it open in the morning?
12:57It don't, tomorrow's Saturday.
12:59Oh, me.
13:01You feel all right, Joe?
13:03I mean, Judge?
13:05Just call me Joe. We're friends.
13:08Give me some of that rice.
13:10Here you go.
13:12Here you go.
13:18Good luck.
13:20Just a minute. Come back here.
13:23Oh, Joe, what's the matter?
13:25What are you doing?
13:27I'm seeing that these kids got what they paid for.
13:29The whole package deal.
13:31I don't know what's going on.
13:33I'm seeing that these kids got what they paid for.
13:35The whole package deal.
13:37And that includes a wedding picture.
13:39Yeah, you've got to have your wedding picture, too.
13:41You want a picture of this happy moment, don't you?
13:43Well, yes, I'd love one.
13:45I love the way you say love.
13:47See, Kate?
13:49You was going to shortchange them out of their wedding picture.
13:51Well, all right, get your camera and take their picture.
13:53You'll have to excuse me.
13:55I want to get the girls started in the kitchen.
13:57Thank you for everything, Mrs. Bradley.
13:59It was a wonderful wedding supper.
14:01Gee, I don't know who you'd call the captain of a train.
14:03I think it'd be the conductor.
14:05Why do you ask, Joe?
14:07Well, the captain of a ship can marry people.
14:09I thought maybe the captain of a train could, too.
14:11In an emergency.
14:13Oh, I don't think so.
14:15The only competition you've got around here is Judge Drucker.
14:17And he'll be up at Lost Lake for a week.
14:19Yeah.
14:21Well, thanks, boy.
14:23Thank you for the bouquet. Congratulations.
14:25Bye.
14:31Now, because you're my first couple,
14:33besides the package deal,
14:35I'm going to give you a bonus surprise.
14:37What is it?
14:39A moonlight canoe ride on Lost Lake.
14:41Tonight?
14:43Wait, this ain't an ordinary canoe ride.
14:45This is a combination canoe ride and Indian wedding ceremony
14:47performed by Deer Slayer himself,
14:49old Big Chief Drucker.
14:51But we're already married.
14:53Not Indian style. You'll love it.
14:55Did you get the wedding pictures?
14:57You wait right here.
14:59Kate, the kids want to go up to Lost Lake
15:01for a moonlight canoe ride.
15:03Tonight?
15:05You'll embarrass them.
15:07Walter and Elsie, I wouldn't recommend trying to go to Lost Lake tonight.
15:09Why, you'd have to hike through the woods in the dark.
15:11We don't want to go, Mrs. Bradley.
15:13No, it was Judge Carson's idea.
15:15Well, it's ridiculous.
15:17Well, you might get lost
15:19and have to spend your wedding night there.
15:21Kate, let me talk to you.
15:23You wait right here. I'll be back.
15:25Stop, Kate.
15:27Uncle Joe,
15:29I've got a terrible feeling that something's awful wrong.
15:31Oh, not at all.
15:33Up to now, everything's gone as smooth as butter.
15:35What do you mean, up till now?
15:39Well, for the rest of the evening,
15:41we got a teensy little problem on our hands.
15:43What's a teensy little problem?
15:47Them two kids ain't married.
15:49Oh, no!
15:51I won't be legal justice
15:53for the fees until Monday.
15:55That's why I wanted to take them kids up to Lost Lake,
15:57get Sam Drucker to marry them.
15:59They can't hike up to Lost Lake on their wedding night.
16:01It ain't exactly their wedding night.
16:03Don't you dare tell them.
16:05Getting a start in life like that could ruin them.
16:07Oh, those poor kids.
16:09What'll we do?
16:11You're gonna hike up to Lost Lake
16:13and bring Sam Drucker back here.
16:15All alone?
16:17Oh, take Floyd or Charlie. They're out in the kitchen now. Move.
16:19While I try and think of something.
16:24Wait a minute!
16:26Uh, Walter,
16:28tell me something.
16:30Um, do you like
16:32hot, fluffy, buttermilk pancakes
16:34for breakfast?
16:36I sure do.
16:38Come on, Nelcy. I'll show you how to make them.
16:42On our honeymoon?
16:53Who's here?
16:55Hi, Elsie. Hi, Elsie.
16:57There you go. You get Elsie an apron, huh?
16:59An apron? Here's an apron.
17:01Oh, Mom, surely the bride isn't going to wash dishes
17:03on her wedding night. Of course not.
17:05She's gonna make pancakes.
17:09Your mother thinks I should learn how to make pancakes
17:11for Walter. Tonight?
17:13Listen, young lady, you could learn a lesson
17:15from this. Oh, sure,
17:17honeymoons are fine and exciting
17:19and romantic, but a smart bride
17:21learns how to keep her marriage exciting
17:23forever.
17:25And you think she can do that with pancakes?
17:29Why don't you go in the lobby
17:31and keep Walt company?
17:33Hey, swell.
17:35Does he like to dance?
17:37Just a minute.
17:39Floyd,
17:41why don't you go in the lobby and keep Walt
17:43company? Sure will, Kate.
17:45Does he play checkers?
17:47I... I don't know.
17:49Well, sure he does. Now take off your
17:51apron and run along. Now then,
17:53Elsie's all ready for
17:55her pancake lesson.
17:57And I'll do the talking.
18:01Elsie? No.
18:03My name's Floyd, Floyd Smoot.
18:05We met earlier, remember? Yeah.
18:07Oh, sure.
18:09Boy, sit right down here. We're gonna have us a checker
18:11tournament. A checker tournament?
18:13Don't you play checkers?
18:15Oh, yeah, I have.
18:17But this is my honeymoon.
18:19Okay, we'll play hearts.
18:21No.
18:23Checkers are fine.
18:33Joe, you said you knew the way to
18:35Lost Lake. I did, but that was
18:37before it got lost. Very funny.
18:39What do we do now?
18:41Wait a minute, Charlie. I got my
18:43bearings. I recognize that old bristly
18:45cone pine tree over there.
18:47So do I. We passed it 20 minutes ago.
18:49Well, don't get excited,
18:51Charlie. We'll find Sam.
18:53Hello!
18:57Hello!
18:59There he is. That's your echo.
19:01Oh. Well, let's follow that
19:03and see where it takes us.
19:07Oh, Elsie, you're getting
19:09the hang of it just fine.
19:11Walter's gonna be so proud of you.
19:13I just hope he remembers me.
19:15I think those are about ready.
19:17Oh,
19:19my, just look at that
19:21golden brown color. And there's the
19:23light and fluffy. Elsie, this is the best
19:25batch so far.
19:31Hey, you know something, Kate?
19:35It's a lucky thing I got a hold of this
19:37boy. He needs checker lessons
19:39something awful. I've hooked him to
19:41a 140 straight game.
19:43He can't keep his mind
19:45on the game.
19:49Elsie, did you cook all those
19:51pancakes? Yes, I
19:53did. Well, honey, I hope you won't
19:55get mad at me, but there's something I gotta tell you.
19:57What?
19:59I can't eat that big a breakfast.
20:03Mom, Floyd, can I see you a second?
20:07No sign of Uncle Joe and Charlie.
20:09Dear, what am I gonna do
20:11with Walt and Elsie? Floyd and I could
20:13take them for a train ride. That's a good idea.
20:15You two go down and fire up the boiler.
20:17And hurry.
20:25Kids!
20:27Walt! Elsie!
20:39Walter?
20:41Shh. I think we've lost her.
20:43Let's get our suitcases and get out of here.
20:51Mrs. Bradley.
20:53How did you get up there?
20:55Up the back stairs to the kitchen.
20:57I have to have a little talk with you two.
20:59We're awful tired, Mrs. Bradley.
21:01Yeah. Could we talk about it tomorrow?
21:03This is the kind of talk
21:05that can't be put off. Now just sit down.
21:09Well?
21:11There's sure nothing like a honeymoon.
21:13There's sure nothing like it around here.
21:15That's very funny.
21:17Elsie, you're very lucky.
21:19You got a husband with a sense of humor.
21:21Oh, I think I'm lucky.
21:23I'm the lucky one.
21:25Well, you're both lucky. You're both lucky.
21:27But you know something? It takes more than luck
21:29to make a marriage a success.
21:31Oh, there are the dangers and the pitfalls
21:33that you have to guard against.
21:35For example, you gotta watch out for H.L.D.
21:37Honeymoon letdown.
21:39You mean it gets worse?
21:41She's got a sense of humor, too.
21:43Oh, isn't that wonderful?
21:45Honest, Mrs. Bradley,
21:47we don't want to take a train ride.
21:49But it's part of the package.
21:51Do us a favor and keep the rest of the package.
21:53Don't you want the honeymoon?
21:55Oh, yes, we want that.
21:57Well, then you have to take a train ride.
21:59All part of the same package.
22:01Come on, kids. Can't keep the train waiting.
22:03We might as well go, Elsie.
22:05I hope so. I'm just dead on my feet.
22:09Oh, any sign of Joe and Charlie yet?
22:11Not a sign, Mom.
22:13Now what are you gonna do, Mom?
22:15I got one last desperate idea.
22:17But I'm gonna need your help. Come on.
22:19♪
22:33Elsie, I'd carry you over the threshold,
22:35but I don't think I can get over it myself.
22:37I know what you mean, darling.
22:39I don't care what the rest of the package is.
22:41We're taking the honeymoon, and that's all.
22:43I'm with you.
22:49Oh, Walter, look!
22:55It can't be.
22:59What could have happened?
23:01Termites. Isn't it terrible?
23:03Termites?
23:05Thank goodness the building inspector was staying here,
23:07and he caught it before anybody got hurt.
23:09Well, there's still the back stairs.
23:11Come on, Walt.
23:13Oh, no, they're even worse.
23:15He had to tear those out altogether.
23:17♪
23:23Mom?
23:25Mom?
23:27They're coming.
23:29But they're carrying Mr. Drucker.
23:31Carrying him?
23:37Sam!
23:39Are you hurt?
23:41No, these idiots woke me out of a sound sleep
23:43when I got the zipper jam.
23:45They offered to cut him out of it,
23:47but he's too cheap.
23:49This is a $60 sleeping bag.
23:51Well, prop him up.
23:53We got to get those four kids married.
24:01By the power vested in me,
24:03I now pronounce you man and wife.
24:05You may kiss the bride.
24:07You may kiss the bride.
24:15Now?
24:21All right, boys.
24:23Carry Sam out in the kitchen,
24:25and I'll feed him while you work on that zipper.
24:27Take it easy.
24:29Watch my head.
24:39Help me, girls, huh?
24:45♪
25:15♪
25:29Petticoat Junction.
25:33This has been a Filmways presentation.
25:39♪