TV-G | 30min | Comedy, Family, Music | Episode aired 6 April 1966
Patty and Ross buy three kittens from a neighborhood kid but before they can sell them for a profit they lose track of each cat. One by one, Cathy, Martin and Natalie each find one of the cats. And they all want to keep one for themselves!
Director: Harry Falk
Writers: Ed Jurist, Sidney Sheldon, William Asher
Stars: Patty Duke, William Schallert, Jean Byron
Patty and Ross buy three kittens from a neighborhood kid but before they can sell them for a profit they lose track of each cat. One by one, Cathy, Martin and Natalie each find one of the cats. And they all want to keep one for themselves!
Director: Harry Falk
Writers: Ed Jurist, Sidney Sheldon, William Asher
Stars: Patty Duke, William Schallert, Jean Byron
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00Hi.
00:02Hi.
00:03Hey, I know you.
00:08Doesn't your father run the vegetable store on first street?
00:15Uh huh.
00:16I'm his son.
00:17Oh.
00:18What can I do for you?
00:19Wanna buy these kittens?
00:20Oh.
00:21Aren't they cute.
00:22Why do you wanna sell them?
00:23They're for my cat.
00:24And me and my father.
00:25They're for my cat.
00:26And me and my father.
00:27My cat.
00:28My cat.
00:29want to keep them but my mother don't so she went to bed with a headache so I
00:34have to. They're on sale special today three for 99 cents. Oh yeah? Well look I'd
00:41love to have one but my mother gets headaches too. We had a French fool for a
00:45little while and boy do we have headaches. Yeah but these kittens are
00:49Americans. Oh what's happening? Hey Ross aren't they cute? Look he wants to sell
00:53them. Yeah? Please don't touch the merchandise. Please don't touch the
00:58merchandise. His father owns a vegetable store. Oh I'm not gonna hurt him kid. I'm
01:02not a kid I'm six and a half going on seven. Well how much you want for them?
01:06They're pretty valuable you know and they're all related too. How does 50
01:12cents a piece sound? Wait a second you just told me they were three for 99
01:16cents. That was only during the sale. 50 cents a piece huh? Okay I'll take one.
01:22Uh-uh you gotta buy the three so they won't get lonesome. Ross are you out of
01:26your tree? Dad still hasn't gotten over that French poodle we had. But these
01:30kittens are. I know I know they're Americans. Look you remember when that
01:33dog stole his Meerschaum pipe and buried it? Well that wasn't the dog's fault he
01:38thought it was a bone. In any way I'm gonna steal for a dollar and a half because I'm
01:46not gonna keep them see I'm gonna sell them. To who? Mrs. Barton down the block.
01:51I heard she's been looking all over for some kittens. Oh yeah? You mean she wants
01:55to buy them for money? Yeah and you think a woman who buys a new car every year is
01:59gonna settle for less than five dollars a kitten? Ross we're in this together.
02:03Yeah give me a dollar. You must have been home sick when they were teaching simple
02:08division. We'll settle everything after we make the sale. Okay. Alright Sonny at 50
02:16cents a piece that's a dollar fifty. Right but at a dollar a piece that's three
02:22dollars. Now wait a minute. Don't blame me lady everything costs more today. Here
02:31here's my money. Go on home with the kittens. Oh wait a minute Patty. Let's give him what he wants.
02:37Oh alright. Here one two three.
02:44Meet Kathy who's lived most everywhere. From Zanzibar to Barclays Square. But Patty's only seen the sight a girl can see from Brooklyn Heights. What a crazy pair.
02:58But they're cousins. Identical cousins all the way. One pair of matching bookends. Different as night and day.
03:11Where Kathy adores a minuet. The ballet Russe and Crepe Suzette. Our Patty loves to rock and roll. The hot dog makes her lose control. What a wild duet. Still they're cousins. Identical cousins than you'll find. They laugh alike. They walk alike. At times they even talk alike. You can lose your mind when cousins are two of a kind.
03:41Do me a favor. The next time you have a business proposition find another partner. Well how was I supposed to know Mrs. Barton wanted some Persian cats? You mean instead of American ones? Very funny. Still sore at that woman though. Boy what a snob. She said these were just plain alley cats. Well they are. Yeah but did she have to say it right in front of the cats? They've got feelings too you know. And so does dad. And just what are you going to do with them?
04:10It's the shortest partnership I ever saw. Okay okay. What are we going to do with them? Well I've been mulling that over and I think I've got a plan. What? How would you like to buy my share? Ross! Just a suggestion. You want to do something that really makes some sense? Yes. What? Well let's put an ad in the paper. You know under animals for sale. Are you out of your mind? What are we going to do with them in the meantime? We can hide them in the cellar. You know behind those trunks. I don't know. Do you think that's safe? Sure. Remember when I was a kid and you all thought I ran away? What do you think I hid?
04:39Well I'm probably crazy for letting you talk me into this but okay. Now get them out of here before dad comes home. Right. You take care of the ad. What's that for? What do you think? Well yeah. I wish you a lot of luck too. Now you wait a minute.
05:09Where are you going with a bottle of milk? Oh uh just down in the basement. What for? Well uh Ross got very thirsty. He wanted to drink a milk. He's gonna drink it out of a bowl? Martin if Ross wants to drink some milk voluntarily let him do it any way he wants. What are you working on down there? Uh a project. Oh for school? No for fun. What are you going to do with it? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know
05:39What is it? Well it's sort of a secret. Patty if you're helping Ross build me another tie rack for my birthday I still haven't broken the one he gave me last year.
05:50Martin don't be so nosy. You're not making a mess down there are you? No there's no mess. Not yet. Well if you'll excuse me.
05:59What you doing Milka cow? Can't you keep him quiet? You'd cry too if your little tummy was empty.
06:10Here you go little kitty. Come on. Shhh keep it down will you fellas?
06:20Ross go back down in the cellar. Do you realize that I've been practically living down there for two whole days? It's getting so the daylight hurts my eyes.
06:30Ross you need I remind you where this whole flaky idea started? Look why don't we move Mike to the garage? The fresh air will do him some good. Garage? It won't hurt me either.
06:40Okay I guess it would work. Get this one. Where are the other two? What do you think? You want to know something? These kittens have been growing. Come on.
06:50It's dad. The ashtrays. Oh hi dad. Hi. What are you doing home in the middle of the day? Since when is five o'clock the middle of the day?
07:05Oh is it that late already? Oh see you at dinner. Yeah. Hey but Ross wait a minute wait a minute. See you know I think you're finally putting on a little weight.
07:13Oh gee uh I think it's kind of temporary as a matter of fact. Although it might not be. Patty will you please stand up straight your posture's terrible.
07:23Oh I'm sorry. What's so funny? What's the matter? Just a joke Ross was telling me tell him Ross. What joke? Oh that's right you told him to stand up straight. Come on Ross.
07:42You know I think we ought to get Patty in for a checkup. Why is she breaking out? No down.
07:49Hello? Is this Lane? Yeah. Tell me do you have any females over there? Do we have any what? Females. Have you got any females? Well yeah we've got three as a matter of fact.
08:02Honey is it for me? No I think it's some kind of census taker. Hello? Yeah I'm still here. Do they come from pretty good stock? Who? The females.
08:14Well I think so. Could you describe their markings? What? Can't you hear me? Yeah I can hear you but don't you fellas think you're getting a little personal?
08:27You think the kittens will be safe in the garage? Sure why not? Well maybe I ought to put a brick in front of the door though sometimes it swings open by itself. Only when it's windy out.
08:36Uh oh look who's coming down the street. It's that kid who sold us the kittens. Patty I've got an idea how we can get our money back. How? I'll jump on him. Oh Ross we'll do it together. Oh boy he's coming up the drive.
08:48Hi remember me? I'm Ralphie you bought my kittens. Oh yeah I remember. I suppose you're wondering how they are huh? Yeah my father was awful mad at me because I sold them to you.
08:59He was? Yeah good and mad. You know Ralphie I can't really blame him. No? No I mean we've been thinking it over and we feel we took advantage of you. We did? Right yes oh we did yeah.
09:17I mean after all those kittens are worth a lot more than we paid you for them and uh well we decided we're gonna sell them back to you. Yeah and all we want is our three bucks back.
09:28What about my profit? Yeah I suppose you're right every businessman is entitled to a little profit. Okay two dollars and seventy five cents. Two dollars and seventy five cents? Patty stop cheating the kid. Two fifty even. Two fifty? Okay two twenty five and that's final. It's a deal.
09:49Here's one dollar and two and a quarter. Thanks Ralphie. Boy wait till I tell my father. Tell him what? He saw your ad in the paper and he gave me five dollars to get the kittens back.
10:05What? Now can I jump on him? No a bargain's a bargain. Go get his kittens. Hey Ralphie I thought you said these kittens give your mother a headache. Yeah but I kept crying my father kept yelling and my mother said she will have the headache.
10:25Patty I told you we should have put something in front of the garage door one of the kittens got away. Oh no give me back my money. Now wait a minute Ralphie.
10:33Don't be frightened Kathy's going to find you a very good home. Yes aren't you sweet.
10:50Hello? Dorothy? Kathy Lane? You'll never guess what I just found. Just what you've always been looking for. What do you mean how tall is he? I'm talking about a cat I found in our driveway. You're not interested? Alright Dorothy if I find a boy in our driveway I'll be sure to let you know.
11:11There there little kitty it's alright. Natalie? Oh Nat? Stay right there be very quiet. Hi Kathy. Hello Uncle Mike.
11:41Where are you going dear? Oh just down to the drug store. Well why don't you wait I'm just going to make some sandwiches. Oh really? Alright I'll go after lunch.
12:12Come on now Ralphie be reasonable. Take the two kittens and all you have to give us is a dollar seventy five. No!
12:25Look we searched every backyard for blocks around didn't we? And you saw me rip my pants going over that fence. What more do you want? I want my three kittens.
12:34He's just plain stubborn. Wait a minute. Ralphie supposing we throw this knife into the deal. Let me see. There's some blades missing. Yeah but there's still a very good bottle opener left.
12:48Okay it's a deal. Nice going Ross I'll go get the kittens. Hey this blade's broken at the end. Yeah but that makes it even more valuable. How come?
13:00Well now you've got a built in screwdriver. Ross! What's the big idea of leaving the garage door open? What happened? Now there's only one kitten left. Here's your knife back. Thanks.
13:13Oh where could the kittens be going? The drain. What drain? The one that runs under the yard. How long has that cover been off? I don't know go get the pickaxe and shovel before it's too late. Yeah.
13:29Natalie is that you?
13:54Oh hi.
14:00That must be here somewhere. No it isn't.
14:06You really know what I'm looking for.
14:29Natalie are you in the kitchen?
15:00Say did you ever see a scrap of paper about so big with some writing on it? What's that?
15:07What does it look like?
15:09No. It was a piece of paper with some notes for an editorial I'm writing about reducing the sales tax and I wonder what are you going to do with that?
15:19Well I'm not going to drink it.
15:21Why?
15:23A piece of paper with some writing on it.
15:25Yeah yeah did you see it anywhere?
15:26Uh no but Martin while you're here do you know what just flew into my head?
15:35Natalie I'll put those screens up the first thing next week.
15:38No no I was talking about an idea that I just had something that I think will help Ross develop a sense of responsibility.
15:46Oh what is it?
15:48Well if we want Ross to develop a sense of responsibility he's got to have something to be responsible for.
15:55Can't beat that logic.
15:57What do you have in mind?
15:59Oh I don't know just anything.
16:02Alright what is it animal, vegetable or mineral?
16:06Martin an animal would be a very good idea.
16:11How many more questions do I get?
16:14Oh Martin I think you're right.
16:15You know a pet might be just a thing.
16:18Something like um oh I don't know maybe a cat.
16:26Well you don't have to make up your mind now Martin why don't you just think about it.
16:30I have a strange feeling you've already made my mind up for me.
16:33Say I just had to think of something.
16:36Um um where are you going?
16:39Well I came into the pantry a little while ago to get some lighter fluid and I might have left the paper in there.
16:43Oh no you didn't.
16:45Uh I was just in there and I didn't see it.
16:50Would it be alright with you if I looked in the car?
16:54I think I might have done some scribbling while I was waiting for a red light.
16:58Why don't you look Martin?
17:02Oh come here little kitten.
17:06Oh hello sweetheart.
17:08Did you miss Natalie?
17:11Oh yes you did of course you did.
17:14Oh you don't have to worry about him.
17:17He growls a lot but he doesn't bite.
17:20Oh you don't have to worry about him.
17:23He growls a lot but he doesn't bite.
17:26Oh you don't have to worry about him.
17:28Natalie?
17:33Oh gee you startled me Kat.
17:36Just by walking into the kitchen?
17:38Gee what do you want dear?
17:40Well Natalie um you know Uncle Martin pretty well and um well I was wondering does he still feel?
17:47Uh yes dear?
17:49Never mind I think I'll think it over and ask you later.
17:52Oh I think I'll have some milk.
17:55Uh why don't you have it up in your room?
17:56That's a good idea.
17:58Do you want a glass?
18:00No no I have a little dish that'll be just perfect.
18:11Was it in the car?
18:13Oh well I never really got a chance to look because um.
18:16See you know Natalie I got to thinking about that suggestion of yours you know about getting a pet for Ross.
18:21Oh I really think it would do him a lot of good.
18:23Oh I think so too Nat and a cat really wouldn't be much trouble.
18:28I mean especially a little kitten.
18:30Well a little kitten's exactly what I had in mind.
18:32You did?
18:34Good good that's fine because I just found the cutest little kitten in the world.
18:37Look at that.
18:39How did he get out of the pantry?
18:41What?
18:44Whose cat is that?
18:46Oh it's mine.
18:48I mean it's Ross's.
18:50Oh Natalie?
18:52Oh I'll come.
18:57Whose is that?
18:59Well it's mine.
19:01And that?
19:03This one's mine.
19:05Well oh my.
19:07I'm confused.
19:09Well I'm not.
19:11Just think about it for a minute.
19:13The sound of babies crying all over the place.
19:15Patty and Ross sneaking in and out of the house the last two days.
19:18And the way the milk's been disappearing.
19:19They were hiding them.
19:21Oh isn't that funny?
19:23They were afraid to ask if they could keep them.
19:25They didn't think you'd approve.
19:27Oh now wait a minute.
19:29You're not going to palm off three kittens on me.
19:31Can't keep them?
19:33Well you said that we could keep one.
19:35Yeah that's right one.
19:37Oh thank you Uncle Martin.
19:39Oh now wait a minute Kathy.
19:41If we can only keep one I think it should be this one.
19:43He has such personality.
19:45Oh but did you see the twinkle in this one's eyes?
19:47Yeah well wait a minute.
19:49It's the least of the three.
19:51Oh there's the door.
19:53Oh but this one is so agreeable.
19:55Look.
19:57Oh doesn't he look like he's smiling?
19:59Did you notice the white paws on this one?
20:01It makes him look like he has mittens.
20:03Feel this one's fur.
20:05It's soft as silk.
20:07Did you see the twinkle?
20:09Oh look at that smile.
20:11Yeah but feel his fur.
20:13I'll get that.
20:15Natalie I don't know if you noticed but this one is a female.
20:17Oh but Kathy if we're going to keep one it should be this one.
20:19It's so agreeable.
20:21You Mr. Lane?
20:23Yes.
20:25That's my son Ralphie.
20:27He sold some kittens to your daughter and your son.
20:30There they are Pop.
20:32They said they ran away but they didn't.
20:34See they got my kittens.
20:36Your kittens?
20:38You said you was going to get them back Pop.
20:40Get them back.
20:42Wait just a minute.
20:44You ask me I think your kids took advantage of Ralphie.
20:46That's what they did.
20:47They ought to be ashamed that's what they are.
20:49Well no I don't.
20:51Why do they care they break a kid's heart?
20:53I can tell you something.
20:55If they was my kids I'd break something of theirs all right.
20:57I can sure tell you that.
20:59Well now wait a minute.
21:01Let's just calm down here a second and tell me what this is all about.
21:03Now you say that my son and daughter bought some cats from your boy?
21:06Yeah that's right.
21:08Did they force him to sell?
21:10No but.
21:12And there was an exchange of cash?
21:14Yeah.
21:15Well then I can tell you even though I'm not a lawyer that that's as good as a contract.
21:18Oh yeah?
21:20Oh yeah.
21:22Well I'm glad to hear that.
21:24But you see Ralphie here bought those kittens back.
21:26And he gave your kids some money and that's an exchange of cash right?
21:30Even though you're not a lawyer?
21:42Is that you Ross?
21:43No it's me dad.
21:45Do you know where Ross is?
21:47I'm right here.
21:49Oh well come in here a minute.
21:51Sure just as soon as I go upstairs and wash.
21:53No wait a minute.
21:55I've got something to tell you.
21:58What have you two been up to?
22:00Well we haven't been up to anything.
22:02No it's more like down.
22:04My goodness you two look like you've been out digging ditches.
22:07You know something?
22:09You're psychic.
22:10Dad as long as we're talking you know the drain that runs into the front yard?
22:14What about it?
22:16Well is it very difficult to replace?
22:19Why do you ask?
22:21Well never mind.
22:23You said you wanted to tell Ross something.
22:25Oh yeah.
22:27That little boy Ralphie and his father were by.
22:29Oh boy.
22:31Dad I swear I don't know where those three kittens went to.
22:33Oh there's nothing to worry about now dear.
22:35It's all straightened out.
22:37It is?
22:38It's all optimized.
22:40Ralphie took two and we took one.
22:42Are you talking about dollars?
22:44Nope kittens.
22:46You mean you finally got over that French poodle?
22:48Well your mother and I decided it was a good idea for Ross to have a kitten.
22:51That's right.
22:53What for?
22:55To give you some sense of responsibility.
22:57Now wait a minute you aren't going to stick me with a cat.
22:59Every time it does something it'll be my fault.
23:01Now wait a minute Ross.
23:03Ross there you are.
23:05Surprise.
23:06Why don't you sit down here on the floor so Ross can see the trick I taught him.
23:09Oh boy.
23:11Martin I don't think you have to teach a cat to lick its paws.
23:14See the little mittens he has Ross?
23:17And that wonderful little smile.
23:19And feel his fur it's soft as silk.
23:21Patty did you see his eyes?
23:23Aren't they precious?
23:25They should be they cost a dollar fifty a piece.
23:27Dad we're going to play with the paper.
23:29Yeah.
23:31Isn't he cute?
23:33I guess it's time to feed him huh?
23:35No I gave him some milk about an hour ago.
23:37Oh dear so did I.
23:39Me too.
23:41We're going to wind up with a pretty fat cat.
23:43I thought this cat was for my sense of responsibility.
23:45Isn't that cute Martin?
23:47Look at him play with the paper.
23:49Uh-huh.
23:51I'm going to play with the paper.
23:53I'm going to play with the paper.
23:54Look at him play with the paper.
23:56Uh-huh.
23:58Hey wait a minute.
24:00What's on that paper?
24:02Let's see some writing figures.
24:04My algebra paper.
24:06Come on kitty kitty.
24:08Come on kitty.
24:10Give it back.
24:12Come on.
24:14Come on.
24:16Come on Patty where's your sense of humor?
24:18Swell.
24:20Swell.
24:22He's just trying to get an education that's all.
24:24Hey wait a minute.
24:26This isn't my algebra.
24:28What is it?
24:30I don't know.
24:32It says something about reduced sales tax.
24:34One burden on low incomes.
24:36Two.
24:38Oh no.
24:40Wait a minute.
24:42Those are the notes from my editorial.
24:44Oh no.
24:46Look he's torn them.
24:48Dad where's your sense of humor?
24:50Here's Cat the Goose.
24:52He lives most everywhere.
24:54Oh no.
24:56Oh no.
24:58Oh no.
25:00Oh no.
25:02Oh no.
25:04Oh no.
25:06Oh no.
25:08Oh no.
25:10Oh no.
25:12Oh no.
25:14Oh no.
25:16Oh no.
25:18Oh no.
25:20Oh no.
25:22Oh no.
25:24Oh no.
25:26Oh no.